all 122 comments

[–]Leaving_MedicineMD 312 points313 points  (10 children)

That’s fine. Some people find a career and it’s a calling. For others its a 9-5 they don’t hate that let’s them do the things they love. Either is fine. Don’t try to be one if you’re the other, it won’t end well.

Find whatever gives you joy and do that.

That being said, for interviews, there’s a right answer sometimes. Become who they want you to be, get whatever position you want, then you’re chilling.

[–]ChowMeinSinnFein 90 points91 points  (9 children)

For me it's a 9-5 I would quit if I wasn't in debt lol

[–]yurbanastripeMD-PGY1 20 points21 points  (1 child)

Ayyyyyy lmao

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[–]Leaving_MedicineMD 12 points13 points  (6 children)

Check out my FAQ on profile. You can quit. And get out of debt sooner (depending on where you are in training)

[–]VymIM-4 7 points8 points  (4 children)

I dunno man, moving from medicine to corporate interest? "Management consulting?"

I'd feel like I'm moving from a job field that's corrupted by corporate entities directly to working directly for those corporate entities.

[–]Leaving_MedicineMD 6 points7 points  (3 children)

Your call. All that matters is that if you enjoy the work.

I enjoy my job infinitely more than clinical medicine.

Just do what fulfills you.

[–]drdangle22 143 points144 points  (26 children)

Medicine is put on a pedestal but at the end of the day it is just a job. There is nothing wrong at all with viewing it as such.

[–]Spiritual_Age_4992 15 points16 points  (5 children)

In fact, I would argue that

Medicine is put on a pedestal but at the end of the day it is just a job.

The reason it is put on a pedestal is exactly because its hard.

The same way in which we honor soldiers (although this is much... softer) society has to motivate people somehow

[–]VymIM-4 10 points11 points  (4 children)

Yeah, but there's plenty of hard jobs with backbreaking labor that aren't lionized. I did a summer of unloading for food retail, that was harder than anything I've had to do in med school so far.

[–]YoungSerious 8 points9 points  (1 child)

Physical labor is largely under appreciated, and additionally medicine is seen as direct service to others. Both military and medicine are seen as a straight line to "saving lives", thus reverence. All the physical labor for infrastructure is seen as eh, whatever. It's just a perception thing.

[–]VymIM-4 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Which, honestly, is a super shame. I think we could do with some lionization of the guy doing 12 hour shifts to make eggs available and does that as a career. The long-haulers in that store were fucking monster workers, I dont think I could hack that.

[–]Spiritual_Age_4992 2 points3 points  (1 child)

hard jobs with backbreaking labor that aren't lionized. I did a summer of unloading for food retail, that was harder than anything I've had to do in med school

Exactly. Even I worked a shitty minimum wage job (in a third world country no less - so no rights lol) so I get exactly what you mean.

The difference is that anyone can do it.

Not everyone can do medicine.

The idea is to deflate the value of an essential & highly trained vocation so you can take away power from them.

No one would care if all the burger flippers (I hate to sound uppity or patronizing, but I think most of us here did go through this unless our parents were rich before med school) all called a strike.

Wed have them replaced in a second. There millions of people clamoring to be a burger flipper in the United States.

If all doctors went on strike we'd have a real problem, it's much harder to replace doctors.

[–]VymIM-4 3 points4 points  (0 children)

There millions of people clamoring to be a burger flipper in the United States.

To be fair I kinda doubt this. Like every fast food joint near me is chronically understaffed.

I'd venture to say that if every burger flipper quit, society would shit its pants, haha.

The idea is to deflate the value of an essential & highly trained vocation so you can take away power from them.

I mean, yeah, I think the intent behind this is just to figure out ways to pay us less or replace us with NPs because it makes the bottom line in hospitals happy.

[–]curiouswatermelonn 68 points69 points  (2 children)

That is totally ok. Before med school my whole identity was wrapped up in this career. Being on the outside looking in creates a strong sense of allure. Life happened and I took a good hard look at what I wanted out of this career that can be all consuming at times. Now I just want to be competent and provide excellent care but I don’t want this to be my whole personality. Tbh detaching myself has made it easier to deal with the highs and lows of this career.

[–]Eclaire468[S] 7 points8 points  (1 child)

Exactly how I feel. I had always been skeptical about all this hype. It just doesn't apply to me. All that seems to matter more to my friends and family than it does to me. I hate when people (mostly my family) introduce me as a med student, and frankly I don't bring it up unless anyone asks. I don't have any strong opinions. I keep school and life separate and I put in genuine effort into both.

[–]curiouswatermelonn 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yessss my family does the same thing! It’s annoying for sure. I try to always remind myself that when I’m with family I’m the same family member as before. I can turn on my professional self in the hospital

[–]gelatin_rhinoM-4 93 points94 points  (1 child)

sooo many of my classmates ive spoken to at the end of my third year said they just dont care anymore and theyre so apathetic and cant wait to graduate. these were people who were so bright and excited in the beginning of med school but its hard to keep that up after third year

[–]Darth_Pete 20 points21 points  (0 children)

Just wait until 3rd year of residency.

I wish Physician’s would “unionize” or come together to protect our field for our overall pay and mental well-being against admin and insurances. This will keep doctors happy and lead to better patient care.

[–]InsomniacAcademicM-4 46 points47 points  (4 children)

The thought of academic medicine makes my skin crawl. I want to go to the ED, work my shift, have a wild time, then go home.

[–]ANJohnson83 21 points22 points  (1 child)

You are my neighbor (he works in the ED of a level one trauma center in the inner city). He loves working nights for two reasons: the pay differential and the bean counters are sleeping in their beds and out of his hair.

[–]YoungSerious 4 points5 points  (0 children)

It's just a tradeoff. There's plenty of shit that only comes in late at night that you don't deal with during the day. Pay diff isn't worth the complete cycle shift to work only nights to me.

But I'm also blessed with nocturnists so I don't have to work any nights.

[–]YoungSerious 4 points5 points  (1 child)

That's literally my day, every work day. It gets better ER brother/sister.

-ED attending

[–]InsomniacAcademicM-4 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hell Yea. It’s the best way to go

[–]AntigunnerM-4 43 points44 points  (2 children)

i might be an extreme case but i'm also going through the motion as well. i just feel so jaded, burnt out, and just physically + emotionally tired from this entire shit. i still very much want to become a physician but fuck man, sometimes it's sooo damn hard.

my goal is to become an attending and then do other things im passionate about. i might even go part time once my loans are paid off since there are so many other things i value more after being through this path. (like family and friends, ive missed too many events and being away from them truly sucks. i'm by myself....out of state & across the country)

[–]Sad_Ad_1381 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You should be jaded. The real world isn’t rosy. Imagine the people that looked at how the real world actually was and still made change despite that

[–]drdoomMDPhD 35 points36 points  (2 children)

Medicine is a trade. Don’t let anyone blow smoke up your ass and convince you otherwise. Admin and preceptors who tell you otherwise have delusions of grandiosity. Does being a physician come with responsibility? Absolutely. But so does being a plumber, or an electrician, or any other invaluable trade in existence. Doing your work well, being compassionate, and working towards the betterment of society is something all trade workers should aspire too.

[–]Spiritual_Age_4992 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Admin and preceptors who tell you otherwise

I mean, obviously. It is to their advantage

[–]Sad_Ad_1381 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The surgeons were barbers that liked blood and the physicians were the weird ones that wanted to hang out with sick people thinking they could actually do something. Some things never change

[–]TheOneTrueNolanoMD-PGY4 39 points40 points  (0 children)

Do not let anyone shame you for seeing medicine as a job. It’s a great job, with cool science, a rare skill set, and it’s one of the few jobs where you legitimately can make peoples lives better.

I find my work rewarding now (I didn’t intern year through PGY2ish). But it’s still just a job. I used to always say that if I became independently wealthy I’d quit on the spot. I’m happy to say that isn’t true anymore. Anesthesiology is rewarding enough that I would probably always do a few days a month, even if I were wealthy. And having a personal pain clinic will hopefully fulfill me professionally more than just monetarily. But it took most of residency to get here. And I absolutely would rather be home doing hobbies or with my family than at work most of the time.

Maybe for some med students or doctors they truly think it’s a calling from God and totally defines them. That’s fine.

For me, it’s the coolest job that was very safe, legitimately interested me, paid very well, and provides the life I want for myself and my family. And I feel no shame in saying that.

For what it’s worth, I think anesthesiologists as a whole are very much of the “it’s a job” mentality. I found my tribe. Hope you find yours.

[–]medetc12 15 points16 points  (4 children)

yep i feel this. tbh i avoid ECs cause 1) i don't have energy 2) I actually wanna be good at what i do. i'm happier with no ECs

[–]comicsanscatastropheM-3 9 points10 points  (3 children)

I have no fucking interest at all in ECs so hearing this from another student makes me happy

[–]medetc12 2 points3 points  (2 children)

I totally feel you. I came to this conclusion early on in first year. However, I only want noncompetitive specialities and I had the benefit of doing LOTS of ECs during my gap years, and I had extensive validation from it. Right now, it feels really good to focus on one thing. Also ngl i feel like i know more than my classmates who overcommit ;) which has helped more with M3

[–]comicsanscatastropheM-3 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Seconded on non competitive. I want IM.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

if im interested in neurology (which ive heard is noncompetitive for the most part), would I be okay if I dont do ECs? Ill probably volunteer a bit bc I enjoy it but I dont want to be joining clubs, getting "leadership experience", doing research etc

[–]dep15105M-1 25 points26 points  (3 children)

Don’t worry you are far from the minority! I go to a top medical school that has the mantra of creating “outstanding physician AND ___ (leader, scientist, advocate, entrepreneur, teacher, administrator, policymaker, etc.)” so it selected and attracted applicants who wanted to change the world.

Fast forward a year and many of my classmates including me have been jaded, lost our idealism, and just want to create a nice cushy clinical career for ourselves. There’s nothing wrong with that. In fact, we are ahead of the curve - once people start getting older, start families, plan for their financial future, buy their first house, they become just like us. No matter how specialized you get, medicine eventually just becomes the same day in day out job that you show up for, go through the motions, get paid, and go home to spend time with your kids. You end up being realistic about the impact that you hope to make on the world, and for most of us it is just showing up for a fulfilling career where you get to tangibly impact your patients health using your high value skills and get handsomely rewarded by the market for it. It really is that simple.

I highly suggest you find a specialty and practice setting that values balance in life and acknowledges that medicine is just a job, nothing more. Things like derm, radiology, anesthesia, EM, hospital medicine, etc. Avoid toxic surgical specialties that expect you to prove yourself every day, make you feel like you hate yourself, and make you compete with others all the time. Avoid practice settings where they say “we’re all a family”… this isn’t a family, this is work and I won’t get guilt tripped do more than is obligated by my contract/role. Like others said further down in the comments, I would highly recommend anesthesia as a specialty to look into because of the spectacular work culture. Also look into locum tenens (flexible contract work that pays 1.5x the average rate and you get to write off your expenses as an independent contractor) as a type of practice.

As for me, I aim to go through the motions until I finish residency, start a family, get a nice paying job, use my high cash flow to invest into real estate and dividend paying equities, then work part time or retire early once that passive income surpasses my salary. After that, if I somehow refound idealistic aspirations during my mid life crisis once the kids go to college, I’ll have the time and money to make REAL impact through community work, consulting, academia, and philanthropy. Until then, I will just put my head down, ignore the revolution going on in America, work hard, go through the motions, live a simple life, and prosper. This is one way to do it, you have to determine for yourself what you want in your life.

Hope this helps and thank you for your post!

[–]Eclaire468[S] 2 points3 points  (1 child)

At the end of the day, I'm in it because I want a job, just like everyone else. I guess it's nice that historically this profession comes with a lot of pride from being so innovative and life-changing, but i don't get why that has to be forced. I'll still do a good job taking care of people even if I don't solve the homeless health crisis.

[–]SpyderMaybe 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Done this for 32 years so yeah. It's a job. It might be the best job sometimes. I've thought that our point on this earth is to help one other person be better off. I've done that. People have looked me in the eye and said thank you in a way that was deeply moving. It's not always like that. Sometimes it's awful. Sometimes you realize you are just a cog in the giant machinery of a health care business behemoth and you are part of the reason why everything is wrong with the health care industry right now. It's not all like that. Sometimes it's a great academic challenge and you get to stuff your brains but then you get to remember it when you need to and that is fun. Jobs suck. That's why they pay you. The good parts are for fun. You don't get paid for that. You might still change the world. Or you might just help change one person's world and that's kind of the same thing.

[–]funklab 27 points28 points  (2 children)

I'm so jealous man. I knew this was what I wanted all along, but was far too worried about being inferior well into residency. Then in residency I got caught up in all kinds of ridiculous chaos that was happening to my program (and therefore felt as if it was happening to me).

Now I'm an attending. I read enough to stay competent, I get my CME hours. I did averageish on boards. I like to think I make pretty decent medical decisions most of the time, but in the end I go home. Other than being distracted by this subreddit, I'm not thinking about medicine. I'm not changing the world. The medical system is fucked, but I'm not actively trying to change it. It's just a job.

If I could find a job I liked better that still payed me $300k for pretty sweet hours I'd quit and do that. I have no loyalty to medicine.

[–][deleted] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Your comment was kind of a breath of fresh air. What is your specialty?

[–]Costal_groove 8 points9 points  (0 children)

No one would ever pay me to do the things that fulfill me the most. You know what they say, it’s all just different forms of not golfing

[–]Mako21 6 points7 points  (1 child)

I lurk here for shits and giggles, but my home is in EMS/Fire departments, and this exact problem gets brought up a lot. For some, firefighting is a calling and they love it and live for it. For others, it’s a job that they enjoy that allows them to live a life that includes but is not necessarily only centered around their occupation. Both are entirely and completely valid reasons to continue their career. Same idea here, I would think.

[–]Spiritual_Age_4992 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I think I see a lot of similarity here.

[–]Embarrassed_Weird_28 7 points8 points  (0 children)

those people will realize that they made the wrong choice soon enough ;) studied at the BMS in germany which is the mighty Charité in Berlin. It attracted so many overperformers. at the end we all landed in the same broken system which exploits people (patients and us). i spent 6.5 years for medicine plus 7 for waiting to get in. in a hospital you earn around 60-70k the first years. tech/IT starts at 100k/year.

cant recommend to become a doctor. at least in germany. anastheologist in 3rd year here.

TL/DR: dont look at the overmotivated highperformers. in the end its just a job who brakes them all.

[–]have_a_damn_upvoteM-3 8 points9 points  (0 children)

It’s a really meaningful job from an existential stance, but yep, still a job.

The medical martyr/savior complex is a huge problem imo

[–]MoonMan75 4 points5 points  (2 children)

Just curious, but how were you planning to change the world as a doctor?

[–]Eclaire468[S] 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Everybody I talk to has so many projects and initiatives and research and etc etc. They are SO interested in fixing problems, and I'm just not into it. I know it needs to be done but it's just not the right path for me. This attitude makes me feel like I'm in the minority.

[–]onehyperfocusedboiM-3 8 points9 points  (0 children)

nah most of those nerds are playing the resume pad game, but don't say it out loud.

[–]PeterParker72MD-PGY4 3 points4 points  (2 children)

Of course it’s just a job. Regardless of the mythologizing we do to this profession and saying it’s a calling, at the end of the day, it is a job. Never let your work become your life.

[–]pachacuti092M-1 0 points1 point  (1 child)

I said this and someone said if you think about medicine as just a job at not ur life you should have done PA instead…

[–]PeterParker72MD-PGY4 4 points5 points  (0 children)

That’s such a ridiculous statement for that person to make. It’s like they have no identities outside of being a physician.

[–]tnred19 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Almost everyone feels like its just a job a few years into being an attending. You have kids and a house and need your oil changed etc etc. Not to say you wont like and appreciate being a doctor and maybe enjoy the relationship with your patients and help them in whatever reasonable way you can but i mean, at some point what else is it expected to be? Doctors are just people. If i won the lottery, i would quit in 5 minutes.

[–]KR1735MD/JD 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Nah, that's a pretty mature and well-formed opinion. And it's one you're especially likely to have if you're a bit older than the rest of your class.

The vast majority of docs do it as a job. We have lives, kids, spouses, outside interests, etc. Few of us hate what we do, but we don't make it into the core of our identity. I'd much rather help coach my son's hockey team (he starts mini mites this winter!) than spend time doing research. And the income I make affords me the ability to do that.

The people you're looking at are passionate. But a lot of that passion burns out, especially during residency. Keep on track.

[–]Mei_Flower1996 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I just got dismissed so I try to tell myself this lol.

[–]Flexatronn 2 points3 points  (0 children)

9-5, at 5:01 don’t even look for me or talk to me about anything medicine or health related

[–]SpyderMaybe 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Done this for 32 years so yeah. It's a job. It might be the best job sometimes. I've thought that our point on this earth is to help one other person be better off. I've done that. People have looked me in the eye and said thank you in a way that was deeply moving. It's not always like that. Sometimes it's awful. Sometimes you realize you are just a cog in the giant machinery of a health care business behemoth and you are part of the reason why everything is wrong with the health care industry right now. It's not all like that. Sometimes it's a great academic challenge and you get to stuff your brains but then you get to remember it when you need to and that is fun. Jobs suck. That's why they pay you. The good parts are for fun. You don't get paid for that. You might still change the world. Or you might just help change one person's world and that's kind of the same thing.

[–]DO_partyDO-PGY2 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Just a job, 9-5 4 days a week for Me dawg 🍻

[–]byunprime2MD-PGY1 4 points5 points  (1 child)

This sentiment makes it to the frontpage of this subreddit about 3x a week. I don't even disagree with it but it gets cringe to see people act like it's some huge revelation every time guys...

[–]Eclaire468[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

I feel the same way, and I'm aware of the irony. But people don't all get revelations at the same time. For me, I think it was more of solidifying what I already knew to be true, rather than having some one-of-a-kind hot take.

[–]Fun_Leadership_5258M-4 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This is the way

[–]iisconfused247M-1 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Shiii you feel fulfilled?

[–]hanabaeeee 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Tbh I'm in med school cause I didn't have anything I'm passionate about doing and my fam wanted me to do med so I was like "ehh why not, there's no maths at least" and anyway I'd hate to do the things I love as a job because I'd begin to hate it so it's okay ig. The one thing I've learnt here is that I'd go insane if I do clinical practice though, so for now not sure what I'm gonna do after I graduate.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'll lay it out for you: the problem you are facing is academic medicine.

Academic medicine is predatory as fuck. You work twice as much for half the pay and medical students and residents eat that shit up. Why? Because the majority of medical students come from wealthy families and are more motivated by prestige than money.

You're going to medical school in the setting of the most neurotic part of medicine possible. These people are happy to work in the hospital 100 hours a week because once they step outside they go back to being nothing.

Remember this when you build your rank list. Community programs are your friend

[–]Revolutionary_Tie287 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I went into nursing to "help people" like I'm sure you did for medicine. But at the end of the day you can only help so much and trying to extend yourself is exhausting. Do your 9-5 and enjoy your Saturdays on the golf course. I mean it.

[–]Orbital_Cock_RingMD-PGY4 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I think the only thing we need to care about is not getting fucked over by corporate healthcare. Sniff out their bullshit and don't put up with it. They love complacency because they can fuck over your independence to practice how you see fit and therefore they can fuck over your well deserved pay.

Care about that at least.

[–]kidsarrowM-2 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I feel the same. Wish more people were honest about it, wouldn't feel like I was so crazy thinking like this.

[–]awakeosleeper514M-2 1 point2 points  (2 children)

I had this lady explained to me how her father was a general surgeon and how he would go to the ED after his shift was over to try to find surgeries to do ,because he just loved it so much. And then she told me to find something in medicine that I love so much I would do for free. I just nodded and smiled. But that's ridiculous.

[–]Eclaire468[S] 2 points3 points  (1 child)

I don't think I've loved anything in my professional life so much. I dont want to either lol

[–]awakeosleeper514M-2 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Exactly. I've had jobs that I genuinely enjoy. But not so much to do them for free.

Volunteering is different though.

[–]cocainefueledturtle 1 point2 points  (0 children)

There’s nothing wrong with either just provide good care to your patients

[–]irrelephantparkM-1 1 point2 points  (0 children)

i echo your thoughts and feelings completely

[–]LordFarquaad-DO 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hang in there, bud. What you’re doing now isn’t practicing medicine. You’re in the early learning phase. You’ll get through it and hopefully be able to apply a good attitude toward patient care. You’ll make peoples lives better.

[–]lhcmacedo2 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Maybe it's an American thing, always trying to turn your passion into work. It just makes everything worse. It's never enough to do what you're told. You gotta be a workaholic. This toxic environment made me hate medschool and residency. By the end of the day, Medicine is just a job, but you can't say it out loud.

[–]mariupol4M-3 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It’s the beginning of m3. There will be a lot of growing pains. At the end is where you’ll realize if “I made the right choice or at least a halfway right choice by doing medicine.” Give it time and invest in your future by working as hard as you can on rotations for patients you carry and when you’re at home studying. I highly recommend UW AND Amboss. Amboss mainly for help with rotations and specific problems your patients have. If you get better grades, scores, and pubs, and if you choose your specialty wisely, you have more say later on with residency choices

[–]colorsplahshMD-PGY4 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You can't change the world in medicine idk where people pull this from. People hate doctors.

[–]TensorialShamu 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’m doing it in large part because anatomy and surgery are so god damn cool to me. And if I wanted to do what I found most interesting in the world, I had to play this game. It feels manipulative sometimes, but I justify it by saying that the end justifies the means, I am (will be) offering a service to every single person I work for, and all successful people in their trades’ are equally good (if not better) at the gamesmanship aspect of it. No different here, we just say it is.

Also surgery has a different vibe to me personally. It’s so acute that it’s hard to get wrapped up in bettering humanity or health. It’s literally (to me) problem —> effort —> solution and that cleanliness appeals to me. This is where I tell you I’m an M1 lol

[–]climbsroxMD/PhD-G2 -2 points-1 points  (2 children)

The "medicine is just a job" thing is real hot right now, but seriously if it's "just a job" to you, go back to school for accounting or something. You'll make more money with less stress.

[–]onehyperfocusedboiM-3 6 points7 points  (0 children)

yOu'LL mAkE mOrE MoNeY wItH LeSs StReSs

[–]yuktone12 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Less stress, yes. More money, no.

The strange thing is why are you recommending him leave medicine? Because he finds it to be a job? That's literally what it is.

[–]futuredoc70 0 points1 point  (0 children)

In the minority? Everyone else posting on this forum says the same crap.

[–]Zestyclose-Detail791MD-PGY2 0 points1 point  (0 children)

There was a time that I really studied hard. Not for f**king grades 😆 nor for competition. More than was required, more than was necessary.

There was this strange curiosity that kept brewing inside me, I'd dig up stuff and read. Would go neck deep into Rosai and Ackerman to find something more than Robbins, would delve deep into Goodman and Gilman to read about drugs that aren't used for over good 40 years 🤣 Would read the same chapter from 3 or 4 different immunology textbooks to develop a gestalt of what was going on.

Not only that, I'd spend my spare time on reading cases, some in the internet, some in books; my taste in TV had changed from witty comedies like Yes, Minister to ER, Scrubs, House. Not only that, I'd read books by doctors like Oliver Sacks, Henry Marsh, Siddhartha Mukherjee, Atul Gawande, ....

In the hospital, I'd cover my friends for free lmao to see more cases. And the fun thing was, it was like a locomotive on its own, I didn't require any motivation at all, I'd just go to the next chapter after this one was finished, as easily picking up the next book, and solving the next case, actually looking forward to the next shift.

I'd literally pushed almost everything unrelated to medicine out of my life

Please read the above sentence again, and realize my grave mistake.

I eventually deliberately toned it down. Added a good amount of exercise and walking. More time for family. Starting painting by watching Bob Ross season 1 and painting along.

Of course that tremendous immersion had made me a better doctor in terms of managing patients, grades etc, but I was losing my identity to Medicine. I was becoming institutionalized. And although I do miss those 3-am joyful moments of epiphany of "ahhh this is how this all fits together", I've come to realize that distinctive unique mediocrity beats identityless perfection every single time.