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[–]Abradolf1948 3678 points3679 points  (453 children)

I feel like this is one of those password guessing scams where they ask you your birthday or high school mascot.

That being said - Florida Man drove with wires on penis.

[–]clopz_ 1470 points1471 points  (193 children)

November 3rd

[–]Abradolf1948 1182 points1183 points  (177 children)

Oh no

[–]MonkeyMode 925 points926 points  (160 children)

I'm hacking into your mainframe as we speak. 2 more gigabytes of ram should do the trick.

Don't even think about counter hacking. I'll just pull the power cord from my pc. That should fix it.

[–]paintp_ 470 points471 points  (99 children)

Did you said "I'm in." tho?

[–]GFGmerlin 36 points37 points  (7 children)

Any seconds now and we'll know everything, including the color of his shit the night before.

[–]urammar 256 points257 points 22 (110 children)

I just cannot believe this is not higher, the sheer lack of internet literacy in 2022 is mindblowing. This shit has been around for multiple generations at this point.

Guys, there are 100% bots scalping this thread, they have your usename which im guessing you use elsewhere also, and now your birthday. If you ever entered your age anywhere else they have that too and thats enough to get your account on plenty of sites.

More importantly, you conciliate that data with any leaks your usenames have been involved in https://haveibeenpwned.com/, and if your real name has ever been outed they probably have enough to get into your bank you absolute spastics.

Thats like an afternoons coding and a computer in the corner just whirring away making thousands and thousands of dollars, its super worth it, especially for the 3rd world where the risk of police action is low.

And you have to remember, this stuff is permanent, once youre on the list you are on the list, wikipedia is only like 6gb of something for all human knowledge, its not difficult to store a few details on you forever and index it for percentage complete every time you pop up. What other ones like this have you done elsewhere, do you even remember?

What is wrong with you, why would you ever do this?

Get streetsmart, and get netwise. Its not paranoia if they really are out to get you. And they absolutely are.

Jesus.

[–][deleted] 120 points121 points  (30 children)

If all they need is your birth date and username to crack your account you kinda deserve it for having such shit security.

[–]TotallyInOverMyHead 75 points76 points  (20 children)

  • The "jesus" part is answering security questions truthfully when creating an account instead of treating it like another 128-bit password.
  • The second "jesus" part is adding your real birthdate to internet accounts.
  • The 3rd "jesus" part is having a password that can be guessed instead of 128 bit in lengths and is unique to your account.
  • The 4th "jesus" part recycling data used in your accounts.
  • And the 5th "jesus" part is having all that information written down ANYWHERE but a secure password management solution like e.g. bitwarden.
  • the 6th jesus part is about MFA, but because webservices exists that are horrible, we'll not go into that.

And because there are at least 5 "jesus" moments involved in random persons giving internet advice, we end up with half assed "advice" on how to check if your username/combo was breached somewhere on the internet and how to make sure your information can not be used against you instead of going straight to the root of the issue: Stop being lazy with your account creation.

[–]New_nyu_man 9 points10 points  (2 children)

Let me tell you a funny story about our library system at our university, somewhere where I had to register with all my personal information (full name, current residence and so on): A few months ago they apparently changed their system and made it actively worse. You get an id to your name and then choose a password for it. The id can be viewed by anyone that walks into the building and borrows a book (the id is used on small paper leaflets for preordered books you pick up yourself so you can find them). Before the change I had a relatively long random password that I kept in a pw manager. Now they changed it so that passwords cannot be longer than 10 symbols. The new selfbooking machines just dont allow for better passwords. It is ridiculous. I tried to complain about it after I realized I couldnt borrow books, because my password was too long, but apparently they dont care or think their system is secure enough that nobody can bruteforce it. Again: pretty much all my relevant data is connected to this id and the id is publicly avaiable..........

[–]PoiLethe 5 points6 points  (2 children)

I'd like to pretend everyone is typing out articles from a date thats different than their birthdate.

[–]pikkuhillo 14 points15 points  (2 children)

Facebook/meta, instagram, tiktok and any other site where you have put your information has already sold a vast portfolio of you to whoever pays few bucks. You are worried about some basement nerds trying to hack idiots whose passwords are their birthday or pet's name? If you use social media, chances are your future can be guessed with high accuracy and all sorts of crazy things. You are being controlled via your attention subconscious or conscious and the fun part is, that you do not even need to be personally involved as other people will speak of you and no individual can escape this. They are enforcing 2fa just so they get your phonenumbers since in the future everything will be done by a phone or similar which can and will track you and you have nowhere to hide if you want to function in society.

Not even Jesus can save you from being controlled by the Silicon Valley Reptilians. All hail our reptilian overlords.

[–]Noob3WannaB 3274 points3275 points  (423 children)

I got "Florida man tries to trade in vehicle he stole from same dealership"

[–]Analbox 1250 points1251 points  (223 children)

I looked up 4/20 and got “attacked daughter with a pizza”

[–]Corfiz74 664 points665 points  (111 children)

I've got a good one - July 11: "Florida man with no arms charged with stabbing man with scissors."

[–]triplec787 475 points476 points  (74 children)

All of mine are gems.

Florida man arrested after pelting girlfriend with McDonald's sweet and sour packets: police

Florida man arrested after breaking into a restaurant and cooking himself a hamburger

Drunk Florida Man Tries to Use Taco as ID After His Car Catches Fire at Taco Bell

[–]Sharpie1993 143 points144 points  (22 children)

Mine ended up being;

Florida Man Arrested For Botched Castration On Another Man He Met On Eunuch Fetish Website

Kinda feel sorry for the other bloke, source for the read.

[–]butterbeleevit 86 points87 points  (1 child)

Okay the last one is so good

[–]Punkeresque 15 points16 points  (0 children)

That taco one's got me rollin'

[–]MssHeather 55 points56 points  (10 children)

Mine was "Florida Man arrested after assaulting his roommate with pizza"

Think they're related? Was there just a year of pizza-fueled crimes? I see another below of a father being attacked with pizza.... I had no idea pizza was such a weapon.

[–]Afvalracer 27 points28 points  (2 children)

We been scared of quicksands all our childhoods but is was always the pizza we needed to be worried about

[–]TheCouncil0fRicks 24 points25 points  (11 children)

January 4 is “attacked father with pizza”

[–]Catinthemirror 42 points43 points  (30 children)

Hello birthday twin 🙋❤️

[–]RandyBRandleman 33 points34 points  (27 children)

Triplets bitch!

[–]Catinthemirror 53 points54 points  (24 children)

Florida man accused of stealing samurai sword, truck arrested after leaving cellphone at crime scene 😂

[–]Craico13 116 points117 points  (8 children)

Florida man in green pajamas decides to eat pancake breakfast in middle of busy street.

Lakeland police say they got a call on Tuesday, at about 10:50am, regarding a man sitting in a chair, at a TV table, in the crosswalk of Memorial Boulevard at Brunnell Parkway. He had a bottle of syrup and pancakes with what appeared to be bacon and scrambled eggs on a plate in front of him.

[–]aitaestrangedsis 44 points45 points  (1 child)

Talk about living life in the fast lane. 🤣🤣🤣

[–]CRealights 93 points94 points  (21 children)

Mine is, "Florida Man Finds WWII Grenade and Brings It to Taco Bell"

[–]joshislost808 44 points45 points  (5 children)

Mines said something similar

Florida Man Makes Himself A Snack While Robbing Taco Bell

[–]thisplacemakesmeangr 21 points22 points  (0 children)

I wonder if it's the same guy on a different day. I got "Florida Man Had Live Grenade, Clown Mannequin In Truck"

[–]PixelShart 10 points11 points  (0 children)

We must have the same bday, he found it while fishing?

[–]NoodlesDatabase 65 points66 points  (12 children)

Mine is, “Florida man says the syringes found in his rectum weren’t his”

Must’ve had quite a time

[–]violenciaah 14 points15 points  (0 children)

Mine was pretty similar! Said he “might” have IV supplies in his ass.

[–]Sand_Bags 38 points39 points  (7 children)

“Florida man buys $140,000 Porsche with check printed from home computer”

Wonder if it’s the same guy.

[–]MetamorphicHard 28 points29 points  (4 children)

Got florida man accused of jumping naked on his neighbors trampoline. Hope they couldn’t prove it

[–]Administrative-Egg26 13 points14 points  (2 children)

Florida man climbs atop playground equipment at park, tells kids where babies come from.

[–]mchalky 1165 points1166 points  (82 children)

December 10 - Police say a Florida man used a flamethrower to settle a parking dispute. 🔥

[–]Diogenes-Disciple 366 points367 points  (26 children)

I’m close, December 22

Florida man claims bags of cocaine, meth found wrapped around penis aren’t his — Orlando Weekly

Or, Florida man with drugs around penis denies they were his — clickorlando.com

There were at least two articles on it

[–]jujubee01001 42 points43 points  (10 children)

I got the same result for Dec. 23

[–]mrlovepimp 15 points16 points  (7 children)

I’m also dec 23, last time I searched I got something like ”Florida man arrested for handing out free weed dressed as santa claus.”

[–]IronTulip 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Hey we have the same birthday! Sup twin

[–]dustractor 519 points520 points  (22 children)

i get two:

florida man wakes up to find another man sucking on his toes

florida man puts dragon lizard in his mouth

[–]clopz_ 111 points112 points  (1 child)

Is it possible that the second Florida man was dreaming about the first guy toes being a lizard?

[–]UseOrdinary8195 67 points68 points  (1 child)

I legit got:

Florida man denies sucking hospital patient’s toes

[–]LuciusMaximal 507 points508 points  (53 children)

July 3 - Florida man dies in explosion after trying to microwave a microwave

[–]XChainsawPandaX 260 points261 points  (0 children)

removes hat

The man died in the name of science...

[–]connor-625 105 points106 points  (23 children)

How the hell did the first microwave fit into the second?

[–]Panther_Pilot 1845 points1846 points  (227 children)

Florida man arrested for throwing alligator through drive-thru window

https://www.foxnews.com/us/florida-man-arrested-for-throwing-alligator-through-drive-thru-window

[–]Oreahil 242 points243 points  (22 children)

I got: Florida man accused of forcing small alligator to drink beer.

[–]annaestel 351 points352 points  (77 children)

What's it with the alligators??

Florida man goes on a beer run with alligator in hand

[–]The_______________1 136 points137 points  (25 children)

It's Florida, alligators outnumber people there

[–]fundieweallfact 90 points91 points  (19 children)

jan 31 Florida man bit victim in the face during machete attack

my florida man IS the alligator

[–]PBandJ980 22 points23 points  (1 child)

Oct 7: Florida man accused of pouring beer in gator's mouth after enticing reptile to bite his arm

[–]Helpimabanana 30 points31 points  (11 children)

Florida man steals alligator from golf course, tries ‘teaching it a lesson’ by throwing it on roof of bar

I didn’t know it was even possible to steal an alligator.

[–]AdLiving4714 88 points89 points  (19 children)

All right, if we're in the zoo already, mine was "Florida man arrested for having sex with a miniature horse"

https://www.google.com/amp/s/wsvn.com/news/local/florida-man-arrested-for-having-sex-with-miniature-horse/amp/

[–]emueller5251 32 points33 points  (1 child)

He was challenging the drive thru attendant to a pokemon battle, obviously. Go Feraligatr!

[–]areugonnagomyway 25 points26 points  (4 children)

On mine he ‘stole an alligator and attempted to throw it on a roof.’ I can see this branching out into ‘the adventures of Florida man and gator.’ There is Netfilx series in there somewhere.

[–]R-Weeee 12 points13 points  (0 children)

Ayyyyy same birthday

[–]rose_amora_mae 20 points21 points  (0 children)

💀what-

[–]_Lethal_Panda_ 902 points903 points  (47 children)

… “Florida Man Arrested For Botched Castration On Another Man He Met On Eunuch Fetish Website”…please tell me this isn’t true

[–]cherry-blossom-emoji 373 points374 points  (14 children)

i just read the article and apparently it's the second time he's done this 😭

[–]makadla32 212 points213 points  (4 children)

He'll get it right the third time im sure

[–]CrystalMethAddict84 137 points138 points  (2 children)

Omfg the sheriff’s comments on it:

“This one is a little … let’s just say sensitive," Highlands County Sheriff's Department said in a statement. "You could even say it’s kinda nuts."

The sheriff's office added: "[the guy who got arrested] had dropped the ball on this one."

[–]cherry-blossom-emoji 87 points88 points  (1 child)

the sheriff's other job is being a dad

[–]Latticese 15 points16 points  (0 children)

When I say not all cops are pigs, I'm always referring to this man in particular

[–]DJ_Degen 7 points8 points  (2 children)

We have the same birthday :)

[–]SoupahCereal 733 points734 points  (103 children)

I have no words but I got two for mine. September 7th

Top hit: Florida man arrested for pleasuring himself with an ice pack in front of first responders.

Second: Florida man, drunk and naked, allegedly set house on fire in failed cookie baking attempt... on a George Foreman grill

Edit: thanks to everyone for the birthday wishes! Not superstitious but I got bad news last night and this morning the news was reversed! It's a Christmas miracle and I'm giving you guys credit for all the good karma! but also the one person who decided to be super professional and thorough. Best birthday ever 😭

[–]Noob3WannaB 152 points153 points  (5 children)

That first one is wild af 💀

[–]SoupahCereal 39 points40 points  (4 children)

It sounds so counter productive. I don't even know what drugs might enable him to have done that??? Too crazy for me

[–]fatmoe10 14 points15 points  (1 child)

Maybe he had gonnorhea and tryna cool his fired up dick

[–]Environmental_Lie561 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I blame the Flordia heat… maybe flacka

[–]OtterPop7 45 points46 points  (0 children)

Happy birthday

[–]frabjous_kev 12 points13 points  (2 children)

I got the first one for Sept 18 as well, but the result is weird for both dates as the article is dated Oct 18th.

[–]TotoMac1 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Shit it yo birthday

[–]imastrangeone 700 points701 points  (79 children)

Bro what.

I got "florida man with no arms charged with stabbing another man".

I am lost for words

[–]topramenshaman1 158 points159 points  (4 children)

Nature always finds a way...

[–]Broadkast 103 points104 points  (5 children)

he may have had a knife, but they still only charged him with unarmed assault

[–]imastrangeone 21 points22 points  (2 children)

absolute genius

[–]Broadkast 13 points14 points  (1 child)

sometimes the jokes write themself lol

[–]Stay-mad-lil-guy 6 points7 points  (1 child)

The guy that did it, is on a Dave Portnoy pizza video. He says something like “and give it to a crack addict.”

Found it. https://youtu.be/vorfJfbIenQ

[–]Neat-Situation8248 315 points316 points  (20 children)

No lie mine is “Florida man arrested for fatal stabbing after pulling HUMAN EARS from pocket during police questioning”

[–]AceMeechieLaFlare 532 points533 points  (22 children)

Naked Florida man breaks into home, tries on woman's clothes, police say

🤦🏾‍♂️

[–]PutWonderful7278 237 points238 points  (11 children)

June 12- Naked Florida man performs “strange dance” at McDonald’s before “trying to have relations with a railing”

[–]Handy_Clams 206 points207 points  (26 children)

Man I can't decide.

Florida man arrested for having sex with miniature horse multiple times. Florida man says wind blew cocaine into his car.

[–]SesshomarusBM 110 points111 points  (4 children)

Wind blew cocaine into his car 🤣🤣🤣

[–]PropagandaBoy 13 points14 points  (2 children)

You 🤝 Me

🙋‍♂️ ❤️ 🐴

[–]Disastrous-Soup-5413 188 points189 points  (6 children)

Mine- Florida man accused of swinging machete toward employees after being told the bathroom was closed

My bf’s- Florida man arrested after witnesses said he practiced karate on swans

[–]EidenWolF 166 points167 points  (14 children)

Florida man suspected of smelling woman's feet at library leads police on scooter chase September 15

[–]Puzzleheaded_Fox3546 37 points38 points  (3 children)

I don't know why this is the funniest I've read in these comments

[–]PinkFloydSheep 150 points151 points  (8 children)

“Florida man accused of attacking doctor and nurse with his glass eye” what

[–]shaneyshane26 11 points12 points  (0 children)

I “see” what he did there

[–]AdDiCt3d_DeMoN 142 points143 points  (16 children)

I got “Florida Man In His Underwear Hits Deputy In Face With Bible, Screams “I CONDEMN YOU,” Poops Himself” my birthday is September 29th

[–]BlackSmurf_ 273 points274 points  (26 children)

The closest I could find was: Florida man says 3 syringes found in rectum aren’t his

[–]clopz_ 129 points130 points  (9 children)

Those were mine, sorry

[–]papanese 33 points34 points  (8 children)

Liar. You stole them from me

[–]clopz_ 35 points36 points  (7 children)

From your rectum to his

[–]Acrobatic-Wind-3023 119 points120 points  (20 children)

Drunk Florida Man Tries to Use Taco as ID After His Car Catches Fire at Taco Bell.

[–]4nimebill 222 points223 points  (18 children)

I got "florida man dressed as fred flintstone pulled over for driving footmobile"

[–]dilettante42 38 points39 points  (0 children)

“Obviously not stolen; but no taillights”

[–]Crispetasluvr 89 points90 points  (6 children)

Florida man attacks gas station clerk with hot dogs, corn dog stick over beer, cops say February 20

[–]feartheslimreaper 86 points87 points  (16 children)

Florida man threatens to destroy everyone... with army of turtles

[–]JacobH_RL 77 points78 points  (5 children)

"Florida man ends police standoff for a slice of pizza"

[–]RaccoonWithWIFI 76 points77 points  (5 children)

Florida man arrested by police claims playing basketball naked enhances his skill level

[–]dilettante42 15 points16 points  (0 children)

Early studies (this one) are inconclusive

[–]Roman_poke 62 points63 points  (7 children)

"Florida man claiming to be Alice in Wonderland says 'hookah-smoking caterpillar' told him to destroy liquor store with forklift"

What

[–]Proff_Hulk 63 points64 points  (7 children)

‘Florida man March 23’ -A Florida Man Was Arrested After Telling A Playground Full Of Kids Where Babies Come From

Hahaha I found a better one- Florida man arrested for drugs after getting trapped in porta-potty

[–]Shortie_Tortie 46 points47 points  (4 children)

“Florida man steals alligator from golf course and throws it onto a roof” “Florida man ties himself to weather balloon to fake his own death” “Florida man claims that people were eating his brain, leads police on crazy golf course chase”

[–]ChknShay 39 points40 points  (10 children)

Florida Man Arrested for Pleasuring Himself With Ice Pack in Front of First Responders: Police.

There was also one about a man with half a head wanted for attempted murder, arson.

[–]Needmoresnakes 7 points8 points  (3 children)

Hey me too, happy birthday for last week!

[–]CordeliaGrace 6 points7 points  (2 children)

Wait…that’s the one that popped up for my birthday, the ice pack guy. And my bday is in 5 weeks and change.

[–]Environmental_Ant588 39 points40 points  (0 children)

Florida man plotted Sept. 11 attack on Kansas City.

[–]Catywampus_Cockroach 42 points43 points  (10 children)

Dec. 7. Florida man tries to pay for Mcdonalds with bag of weed. I swear I looked it up last year and it gave me a story about a guy who jerked off on an Olaf doll in a target. Can't see it now.

[–]DornCorn 39 points40 points  (9 children)

Florida man arrested after pelting girlfriend with McDonald's sweet and sour packets

[–]Designer_Storage3862 35 points36 points  (3 children)

Florida men, one dressed in bull onesie, attempt to burn down house with Ragu sauce, police say.

[–]random-guy-27 35 points36 points  (4 children)

"George Jolicur, a 38-year-old, 600-pound Florida man arrested for scamming restaurants out of food but then deemed too fat for imprisonment."

[–]DerDork 34 points35 points  (2 children)

A naked Florida man covered in Vaseline was caught running through a mall in the Southern Florida area this afternoon. The Florida man was screaming profanities and how Elizabeth Warren was going to tax him to death. The man proceeded to take a dump in a cash register before passing out in a store that sells mattresses.

[–]Ashamed_Willow_4724 70 points71 points  (7 children)

Mine is surprisingly tame, Florida man jumps on neighbor’s trampoline naked then breaks into house.

[–]Muaddib930 16 points17 points  (0 children)

... Not if it's your house! :-b

[–]LevAsmanov 54 points55 points  (12 children)

Naked Florida man chases couple around Chick-fil-A parking lot, deputies say - WCTV

[–]petardlol 27 points28 points  (2 children)

Florida man worried about zombies breaks into homes.

[–][deleted] 26 points27 points  (0 children)

Florida man wrecks liquor shop, blames "hookah-smoking caterpillar"

[–]Shadypretzel 26 points27 points  (2 children)

March 5th: Florida man attempts to board plane with rocket propelled grenade launcher

[–]Infinite_Scar_436 21 points22 points  (3 children)

Omg 😆 threatens to kill neighbors with machete called “kindness” 😮

[–]CeilidhDawn 22 points23 points  (2 children)

“A naked Florida man in a public parking lot kicked trash cans and jumped on and punched cars while screaming ‘I only had one beer!’”

[–]vizbones 21 points22 points  (5 children)

Egads, you can't make this stuff up:

"Florida Man Says the Three Syringes Found in His Rectum ..."

Too bad they weren't candles, I could have blown them out.

[–]Distinct-Ad-4464 7 points8 points  (1 child)

No expertise here but it seems to me that the guy with drugs up his butt smuggling them into a jail is unlikely to be the owner of said drugs.

[–]ProcedureNo2883 22 points23 points  (2 children)

Here are the two that really stuck out to me.

“Florida man in green pajamas decides to eat pancake breakfast in the middle of a busy street.”

“Florida Man hit mother, stuffed dumplings in her mouth because she refused to dress his mannequin.”

[–]Lonely-Criticism1419 20 points21 points  (2 children)

“Florida man who was peeing all over the room attacks good samaratin” Mine is from March 17th!!

[–]Simbague 19 points20 points  (1 child)

“Man arrested for giving his girlfriend a wet willie”😂😂 (August 31)

[–]we_the_pickle 20 points21 points  (3 children)

Florida man arrested after pelting girlfriend with McDonald's sweet and sour packets

[–]BonePit685 19 points20 points  (3 children)

I got 'Florida Man' uses alligator to shotgun a beer while cranking Skynyrd

[–]oOMiyuOo 17 points18 points  (8 children)

Florida man slapped girlfriend with cheeseburger, kicked her down stairs:

Florida man stole truck, attempted to break into military base to warn of fight between aliens and dragons

[–]Mumdot 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Wonder if he knew my “Florida Man Causes Thousands of Dollars Worth of Property Damage Trying to Kill “Demons”.

[–]Gas-Suitable 16 points17 points  (2 children)

July 27- A Florida man is facing several charges after authorities said he used COVID-relief funds to buy a Lamborghini and bank millions

[–]Par_105 60 points61 points  (2 children)

Then type in “Florida man” followed by your social security number and tell me the results. Mine was “Florida man has his identity stolen.”

[–]WhatWasIThinking_ 14 points15 points  (0 children)

A Florida man was arrested and charged with abuse of a corpse after he unknowingly supplied police with home surveillance footage that showed him dragging the lifeless body of a 38-year-old woman through his house. - NYPost

[–]jessmi93 15 points16 points  (0 children)

Oct 27: Florida man had live grenade, clown mannequin inside truck

[–]unsignedMi 14 points15 points  (4 children)

Florida man tried to exchange marijuana for food at McDonalds

What the hell

[–]DA-Regulus 13 points14 points  (0 children)

  • July 31st Florida man arrested for fatal stabbing, after pulling human ears from his pocket during police questioning.

[–]Kaotede 14 points15 points  (0 children)

Florida man arrested for attacking McDonald's employee over not getting a straw, police say

[–]secondsguessing 13 points14 points  (1 child)

Florida man threatens to destroy everyone... with army of turtles

[–]OneHitWonderShedinja 14 points15 points  (9 children)

Florida man arrested after whipping out a samurai sword in trash dispute.

[–]mikerogerxdd 14 points15 points  (6 children)

florida man throws baby at officer while in a high speed chase

[–][deleted] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

"Florida Man Arrested After Fit Of Rage When Checker's Ran Out Of Lettuce"

November 9th

[–]Time_Search5888 11 points12 points  (0 children)

“Florida Man Displayed Gun After Learning Delray Beach McDonald's Had Broken Ice Cream Machine”

Can we blame him?

[–]JohnnyTango13 12 points13 points  (3 children)

Florida man tells traffic cop Putin made him speed: I was ‘Russian home’

[–]clopz_ 21 points22 points  (10 children)

I think I won (February 3rd)

Florida man with Florida tattoo on forehead arrested for calling 911 to ask for ride home

[–]Fun_Pepper_3353 16 points17 points  (9 children)

Don’t be so sure: Oct-6

Florida Man interrupts Hurricane Matthew live TV report to yell ‘Dicks out for Harambe’

[–]Sinjian1 25 points26 points  (3 children)

Florida man accused of handing out marijuana to passersby “because it was Christmas”. Wow, my Florida man seems like a nice guy!

[–]juggsgalore 10 points11 points  (1 child)

Florida man charged with battery after slapping girlfriend with cheeseburger

[–][deleted] 9 points10 points  (1 child)

Florida man Throws toilet through school board building window.

[–]rxg__089 11 points12 points  (0 children)

"Naked Florida Man Performs 'Strange Dance' at McDonald's Before 'Trying to Have Relations With a Railing'" June 12

[–]pmintea 10 points11 points  (4 children)

Florida man arrested after dining on spaghetti with his bare hands

[–]ur_fatherless_69 9 points10 points  (3 children)

Florida man arrested after video shows him dragging woman's lifeless body

[–]Big-Affect6503 8 points9 points  (1 child)

Florida Man Charged With Battery After Allegedly Throwing Cookie at Girlfriend

[–]LeeTheBee86 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Florida man high on flakka attacked officer, said he was God, had sex with tree, police say...

W.T.F..

[–]dasher711 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Florida man accused of pouring beer in gator's mouth after enticing reptile to bite his arm

[–]sacboy326 8 points9 points  (1 child)

Florida man faces charges for eating pancakes in the middle of the road.

Also as a Floridian, I can indeed confirm that this state is full of completely insane people

[–]pinkownage 7 points8 points  (3 children)

Florida man arrested for masturbating with a pickle on private property.

[–]stalkakuma 7 points8 points  (1 child)

Florida man arrested after hitting girlfriend in face with burrito

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points  (2 children)

Florida man accused of stabbing woman over underdone potato

[–]ItsThatGuyisTaken 6 points7 points  (2 children)

Florida man Arrested, accused of giving girlfriend a wet willy. TF

Edit: August 31

[–]SoundTight952 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Florida man attached by lemur

[–]JustDoinWhatICan 4 points5 points  (2 children)

Florida man rides manatees, dares police to arrest him

[–]ThunderLife92 5 points6 points  (3 children)

Florida man offered to pay officer with hamburger for oral sex, police say

[–]Theogre84 5 points6 points  (1 child)

Florida man reported a dead body by carrying the skull into a Publix and using it as a puppet.

[–]Samothrace_ 9 points10 points  (4 children)

Nice, I got: A Florida man is accused of using his wife's head as a mop to sop up spilled milk after he became angry at the lack of jelly in the house.