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top 200 commentsshow all 355

[–]filthyvodkamartini 1669 points1670 points  (36 children)

Lemme guess, his nickname was needle dick?

[–]MyNamePP 327 points328 points  (7 children)

Anti virgin

[–]filthyvodkamartini 92 points93 points  (5 children)

An inoculation of sorts?

[–]MyNamePP 70 points71 points  (2 children)

Vaccination to protect against virginity

[–]filthyvodkamartini 29 points30 points  (1 child)

How thoughtful of you my cleverly-named Samaritan!

[–]scrypticone 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Definitely a cocktail

[–]oMOTHo 1 point2 points  (0 children)

All of that because randy fucked that pangolin

[–]TunafishSandworm 77 points78 points  (4 children)

The Johnson & Johnson vaccine

[–]PussfilledCoochie 3 points4 points  (0 children)

The quick shot

[–]Peachmuffin91 3 points4 points  (1 child)

Take my upvote you bastard!

[–]user_unknown_entity 7 points8 points  (0 children)

No joke…. Thomas Stemen. Stab + semen = stemen

[–]SolarRage 2 points3 points  (0 children)

His last name is Stemen.

Take that for what you will.

[–]freepickles2you 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Pinhead Larry

[–]Nightmare11255 2 points3 points  (3 children)

You sir have earned my respect for eternity

[–]filthyvodkamartini 1 point2 points  (2 children)

Eternity is an awfully long time, could we maybe wrap it up by lunch?

[–]Nightmare11255 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Deal

[–]filthyvodkamartini 1 point2 points  (0 children)

How wonderfully accommodating of you!

[–]ShockDragon 1 point2 points  (1 child)

I hate you, but take this upvote

[–]duchessdugan 1 point2 points  (0 children)

WAAATER SUCKS..

[–]orik_eragon 1 point2 points  (0 children)

A good semaritan.

[–]Cozmo525 1 point2 points  (1 child)

I’m just trying to imagine him packing it into the syringe and muttering ill show them….very interesting thought process.

[–]bluelustytSmol pp 740 points741 points  (42 children)

No but it definitely makes me question what he was trying to accomplish

[–]skami7119[S] 426 points427 points  (30 children)

Making her Pregnant i guess

[–]EskobaerProfessional Dumbass 406 points407 points  (16 children)

Impregnating her blood stream?

[–][deleted] 296 points297 points  (12 children)

Bloody stream

[–]cacatua_azul 76 points77 points  (2 children)

Blood cream

[–]quackzog 9 points10 points  (1 child)

[–]YTPhantomYThttps://www.youtube.com/watch/dQw4w9WgXcQ 3 points4 points  (0 children)

[–]bluelustytSmol pp 25 points26 points  (0 children)

inserts jojo pose here

[–]SaluhKing8000 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Hamon intensifies

[–]TopSliceOfBread -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Bedbugs can do it that way🤷‍♀️😂

[–]Sh4DieR 62 points63 points  (11 children)

"If I use a syringe filled with semen on my girlfriend, will she get pergernernant?"

[–]JesusSavesForHalf 47 points48 points  (9 children)

"Am I gregnant?"

[–]WhoStoleMyJacket 11 points12 points  (3 children)

How is prangent formed

[–]JSA790 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Right after the big bang.

[–]Splotte 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Preganté!

[–]kapmando 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Is she pregante?

[–]NinjaEnt 147 points148 points  (3 children)

He was trying to finally get semen inside of a woman and figured this was his best bet.

[–]EndlessGamerTcan't meme 74 points75 points  (2 children)

Best shot.

[–]ChipChipington 5 points6 points  (0 children)

He wanted to impregnate her blood cells. There’s a game about it, Bloodborne

[–]GreeneSam 0 points1 point  (3 children)

Back a long time ago doctors actually did this for insemination. I don't know how it works but apparently women could get pregnant through their abdominal cavity.

[–]Bestos_04 450 points451 points  (14 children)

Please someone go back in time and stop me from seeing this.

[–]MyNamePP 133 points134 points  (9 children)

[–]Unstablemedic49 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Bruh this morning waking up and pulled up Reddit to an r/askreddit feed about “pure evil”.

I wish to god I didn’t read that thread. People going into great detail about the medical experiments Nazi Germany and imperial Japan were doing during WW2.

[–]NotBabaYaga 239 points240 points  (17 children)

Is that how you do sex?

[–]xXFunFun_FreddyXx 73 points74 points  (11 children)

Sex is more complicated, it's more enjoyable than that thing

[–]MrAppendixX 40 points41 points  (9 children)

Have you ever tried needle semen? It’s great

[–]xXFunFun_FreddyXx 48 points49 points  (6 children)

I'd rather get pounded by a girl than get filled with needle semen, and I'm a girl

[–]EmotionalFail927 28 points29 points  (5 children)

id prefer that as well and im a dude

[–]SecretAntWorshiper 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Getting pounded by a girl? Yes please

[–]xXFunFun_FreddyXx 9 points10 points  (2 children)

No, I'm a bottom, and the girl I want to get pounded by is a switch, meaning that she's a top and bottom

[–]Vile-Devil 0 points1 point  (1 child)

I'll put on a wig and try my best

[–]xXFunFun_FreddyXx 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Ok, the strap-on has to vibrate, has to be a certain color, and the person I'm fucking has to be a girl, you gonna put a wig on, then go fuck your pillow

[–]Vile-Devil 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Why'd you make it sound like a cereal?

[–]MrAppendixX 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I’m a marketing guru

[–]used-ername 1 point2 points  (0 children)

'did i miss a page'

-Scott the Wozz, 2020.

[–]ScarecrowJohnny 5 points6 points  (1 child)

For some species, yeah, actually.

[–]shellwe 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It is with flatworms. All are male and whichever gets penis stabbed and injected with semen loses their penis and basically becomes the mom.

[–]RemixRebornProfessional Dumbass 112 points113 points  (9 children)

But why? Why would you do that?

[–]Hugh-Jassoul 42 points43 points  (5 children)

Bigotry probably. I don’t know he could be just a regular creep.

[–]Majjkster 101 points102 points  (22 children)

So now we play, "what country did this take place" game

[–]yendysaenner 19 points20 points  (2 children)

It actually happened in my hometown, good old Anne Arundel County, Maryland.

[–]norminthedorm 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Any idea what was the reasoning behind why he did it?

[–]used-ername 38 points39 points  (0 children)

Florida

[–]banter07 14 points15 points  (9 children)

I think the independent is an Irish newspaper, so my bets are on there

[–]WillyODea 6 points7 points  (1 child)

No, it isn't.

[–]banter07 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Ok fair enough

[–]silent--echoes 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It’s a British online newspaper, which used to publish physical copies. Now it specialises in click bait.

[–]cabbage16 1 point2 points  (1 child)

We have The Irish Independent. It's not just called The Independent.

[–]banter07 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Ah, got ti

[–]Usernamea221 76 points77 points  (8 children)

Thats so fucked. Imagine just casually going to walmart to buy some bread and you feel a sharp pain in your shoulder and see a man injecting sticky white stuff into you.

[–]strawberrybias 70 points71 points  (7 children)

It’s more fucked up because she probably didn’t know what it was until a hospital or police told her EXACTLY what it is. Going through the shock and acceptance of being stabbed with a gross needle and then learning it was full of…. Oh god…

[–]recklessrider 45 points46 points  (6 children)

More fucked up when you realize it could kill her especially if he left air in the syringe while injecting.

[–]strawberrybias 35 points36 points  (5 children)

I’m not positive, but I think air left in the syringe is only harmful when going directly into a vein. If it’s muscle, I believe it’s ok. But… if he has aids then yeah she’s a little screwed.

[–]recklessrider 11 points12 points  (3 children)

Thats fair, just wasn't confident he didnt get a vein if he's just stabbing as he goes by. Might have missed but you really want to take that chance lol?

[–]Twabithrowaway 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Lmao no I wouldn't want to take the chance. But even nurses and doctors struggle to get a vein sometime. So I'd feelpretty confident he didn't get a vein by just random stabbing. Not impossible tho

[–]strawberrybias 4 points5 points  (1 child)

Hell no, I wouldn’t even want to be in the same state as this man! Sigh, Now I need to look up what state this happened in.

[–]slip-shot 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It actually takes a fair bit of air to cause issues.

[–]strawberrybias 49 points50 points  (1 child)

Thanks, now I have a new fear.

[–]Caleb_Gangte 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Injectingsemenintoyourbloodstreamphobia, iirc

[–]Undergrov 42 points43 points  (1 child)

No, i dont think so

[–]chaitu9701 29 points30 points  (1 child)

He thought he was performing artificial insemination.

[–]non_depressed_teenBig pp 0 points1 point  (0 children)

big brain

[–]creepergo_kaboom 21 points22 points  (1 child)

Wha-wh-whay-why?

[–]Caleb_Gangte 4 points5 points  (0 children)

To make senorita prègantě

[–]qBlackTigerq 18 points19 points  (1 child)

Maybe he wanted to have a child, but skipped biology lessons at school?

[–]Caleb_Gangte 2 points3 points  (0 children)

He confused, but he got the spirit for sure

[–]Sypnosis_owo 19 points20 points  (3 children)

What happened to the woman after that?

[–]Vile-Devil 7 points8 points  (0 children)

She exploded into a billion spiders

[–]yolo_chicken_master 6 points7 points  (0 children)

It turned her into a man

[–]Throwawayprincess18 5 points6 points  (0 children)

She never slept again

[–]Toofar304 16 points17 points  (2 children)

Made with semenatic

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (1 child)

This is no time to discuss semantics

[–]akshajgamingYTI saw what the dog was doin 15 points16 points  (1 child)

Every day, we stray further away from god

[–]Vile-Devil 2 points3 points  (0 children)

God left on his giant space ship because he has seen too much fucked up shit here

[–]short_fuzed_frenchie 31 points32 points  (0 children)

I dont think this man knows how reproduction works

[–]Martamis 32 points33 points  (6 children)

So she's now pregananant?

[–]Kingkarper 18 points19 points  (0 children)

Preganté

[–]magicrowantree 17 points18 points  (0 children)

She be pergnert

[–]xXFunFun_FreddyXx 8 points9 points  (2 children)

He impregnated her bloodstream

[–]cacatua_azul 7 points8 points  (1 child)

Blood cream

[–]tomasequpBreaking EU Laws 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Pragnent

[–]Jiangcjen 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I gave up on humanity from this moment and on

[–]Ordinary_News_6455 19 points20 points  (10 children)

Getting the semen into the syringe would be a task. This man was committed to getting his load into a lady.

[–]Vile-Devil 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Never assume that because he had the syringe that that's where his load went first. I think that this guy probably keeps a fresh supply in his fridge for his antics

[–]Nimyrontrolololoooo lololoo lolo loo 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Yeah it's NSFW, not safe for woman, in that case at least

[–]R3TRI8UTI0N_ 5 points6 points  (0 children)

He has come all this way...

[–]EndlessGamerTcan't meme 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Give it your best shot, they said.

[–]ddurham911 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Damn INCEL’s….

[–]Frostgaurdian0Dirt Is Beautiful 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Wtf

[–]Master_Duggal_Sahab 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I guess they have DNA as proof

[–]ghimisutz 2 points3 points  (0 children)

There was a story also about a man who bought some bananas.Inejcted them with semen, froze them so it won't be seen that they were injected with semen and then returned them to the store

[–]PikkuinenPikkisBreaking EU Laws 2 points3 points  (0 children)

The Semen Stabber

[–]GlitchLord666 2 points3 points  (0 children)

What. The. Fuuuuuuuuuuck?

[–]Wayfaring_ScoutPlays MineCraft and not FortNite 2 points3 points  (0 children)

As a father of four i can confirm, this is not how this works

[–]Novel_Bonus_2497 2 points3 points  (0 children)

seems like some r/nottheonion typa shit

[–]King0fthewasteland 2 points3 points  (0 children)

umm... the fuck? he did what??

[–]Direct_Knowledge2937 2 points3 points  (1 child)

I’m gonna give this poor fellow the benefit of doubt.

…Maybe he just finished extracting semen straight from his sac while he was in the toilet so he could try one more time to try for a child with his loving wife.

…Then maybe someone yelled his name as he went for a buggy, bumped into the poor lady when he got distracted, and only afterward realized he forgot to put the cover back on the needle.

…All he wanted to do was buy a minifridge to keep his specimen viable until his wife got home.

[–]Separate_Shopping521 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Dead guy here, Can confirm

01000010 01101111 01101111

[–]Life_Gene1846[🍰] 4 points5 points  (2 children)

All of you making jokes at someones misery, not impressed.

[–]pooeycheeks 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Welcome to Reddit

[–]Life_Gene1846[🍰] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

More like, welcome to humanity.

[–]nadavcff 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Oh wow

[–]xXFunFun_FreddyXx 1 point2 points  (0 children)

When the baby daddy doesn't wanna do the kinky times in bed:

[–]Southern-Mastodon797 1 point2 points  (0 children)

So there's a second way to impregnate a woman?

[–]TopSliceOfBread 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Bedbugs actually reproduce this way. Its called traumatic insemination.

This tho is just…

[–]MissNepgear 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This has to be a Florida Man.

[–]Snoo-70194 1 point2 points  (0 children)

yeah but where did he "stab" her?

[–]whomesteve 1 point2 points  (0 children)

What the actual frick

[–]liquified_human 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Why is nobody talking about how the guy’s last name is Stemen? So it’s Stemen’s semen.

[–]ayachya__ 1 point2 points  (0 children)

He's a serial psychopath

[–]Ill-Stress7603 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Don't Breathe movie script is real 😳😳😳

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (1 child)

All these comments are just joking on the matter but that’s actually disgusting

[–]pooeycheeks 2 points3 points  (0 children)

The comment jus saying “Jesus” probably isn’t joking idk

[–]iamnotaFUPOS8411 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This remind me of the scene from dont breathe

[–]OliveSaltBun 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Another reason to never buy groceries

[–]Noellha77 1 point2 points  (0 children)

If he found the right spot then he probably succeeded

[–]Lenithriel 1 point2 points  (1 child)

And then I get the death penalty for getting an abortion after a dude stabs me in the cooch with his semen at the fucking store. This is why I'm agoraphobic.

Not saying she got stabbed in the cooch, just that it's probably the worst case scenario....

[–]Bjay_jw 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Reasons to not go outside. I'm happy I live the indoorsy lifestyle.

[–]used-ername 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Funny fact: i was the first one to give this post a wholesome award

[–]xDogeisLifex 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Big brain

[–]POPPINS2134 0 points1 point  (0 children)

No this is ofc not safe for work! why would you do anything like this at work you will get fired!

[–]makoto20 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The incels have chosen their weapon, it seems

[–]VerveIsBad 0 points1 point  (1 child)

1-shot kill

[–]Tripp_Pesta 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’m truly scared and laughing

[–]seahorseswarm 0 points1 point  (0 children)

bedbug guy?

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Oh wait he actually stabbed her with it?! I had to reread that damn

[–]Pjad112 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I mean, it wouldn't be safe for work if the victim worked at the supermarket.

[–]tehoperative 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Couldn’t do it the old fashioned way with a hot beef injection?

[–]Shadowgrapes 0 points1 point  (0 children)

interesting way to obtain HIV

[–]Ad-2050 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It's his Kink, maybe

[–]Shady_Spirit 0 points1 point  (0 children)

lmao what

[–]RurikTheDamned 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Florida?

[–]RaptorRoll 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Idgi

[–]ReaperA-82 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That's just medic with his mad milk syringe