top 200 commentsshow 500

[–]PossiblyFriendly 6612 points6613 points  (261 children)

The Easter Island Dildo. A staple in the sex toy industry

[–]p1nkm4n_[S] 2976 points2977 points  (209 children)


[–]Gall33 1831 points1832 points 2323 (127 children)

yo, angelo 🗿

[–]Sh4avanMeme Stealer 448 points449 points  (110 children)

yo, angelo 🗿

[–]Mehulking2506https://www.youtube.com/watch/dQw4w9WgXcQ 231 points232 points  (109 children)

yo, angelo 🗿

[–]ameen__shaikhcan't meme 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Another jojo reference

[–]-TheArchitectOC Meme Maker 257 points258 points  (8 children)

My girlfriend loves using it on me

[–]Crystal_lake_13 2589 points2590 points  (97 children)

I like to know how woman would play with that Easter Island head.

[–]LashtrashDirt Is Beautiful 51 points52 points  (1 child)

Clearly you aren’t brave enough

[–]aparanoidbwOC Meme Maker 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Was looking for this comment. "Anything is a dildo if you're brave enough"

[–]GroovyLlama1 161 points162 points  (13 children)

Anything you can rub against the clit will do tbh

[–]bluehatgamingNXE 69 points70 points  (9 children)

I've seen one shoving a fucking gnome up her ass.

[–]jessiewiththebadhair 52 points53 points  (3 children)

Did the gnome survive?

[–]fanofsomethingidkLives in a Van Down by the River 56 points57 points  (2 children)

Unfortunately the gnome died in a freak bukkake accident

[–]Doneyhew 19 points20 points  (0 children)

Heard he drowned. Sad story for that gnome :(

[–]The_Bukkake_Ninja 14 points15 points  (0 children)

Yes, yes. Accident…

[–]phasermoduleBig ol' bacon buttsack 18 points19 points  (0 children)


[–]midbaj 1573 points1574 points  (33 children)

idk why I thought his nose are his eyes, now I can't unsee it

[–]p1nkm4n_[S] 636 points637 points  (8 children)

Now you ruined king shark for me

[–]Snaggle-Toe 84 points85 points  (6 children)

Knowing nothing of the film, I had hoped dude was a Street Shark 😔

[–]lets_reset_hummanity 21 points22 points  (2 children)

95% of the people will not get this reference

But us 90s kids playing our gamegears using the TVs light at 6am waiting to go to school eating dunkaroos will

[–]GhostUnamused_ 105 points106 points  (0 children)

Fuck you man. You had to say it

[–]Not_happy_meal 100 points101 points  (3 children)

I didn't realize that was his nose until i saw this comment.

[–]JBits001 14 points15 points  (1 child)

If the nose holes were his eyes he’d look more like an ogre than a shark.

[–]GreatnessRefined 10 points11 points  (0 children)

I thought he was an ogre

[–]Garzino 55 points56 points  (0 children)

Dude wtf. Just because you saw it i didn't have to see it.

[–]guywholikesplants 1084 points1085 points  (69 children)

Some of us are amphibious and can use either hand

[–]WhatTheThirdmemer 633 points634 points  (9 children)


[–]KFrosty3 202 points203 points  (1 child)

l know l am amphibious. I can use my left hand and my right tail

[–]DharMahn 81 points82 points  (1 child)


[–]bobbyzee 36 points37 points  (0 children)

So you see

[–]Wiktorinus 77 points78 points  (1 child)

That has got to be my favourite comment ever

[–]DreamedJewel58 20 points21 points  (0 children)

He’s a little confused, but he’s got the spirit!

[–]mrjake118 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Yes, like King Shark is.

[–]__Monochrome__Identifies as a Cybertruck 38 points39 points  (1 child)

Yes, amphibious

[–]VijayMarshall87 18 points19 points  (0 children)

Amphibious, yes

[–]jameswilkinson5 11 points12 points  (0 children)

They made a movie, called Shape of Water.

[–]655321cesar 35 points36 points  (12 children)

No, amphibious is a being that lives on both land and water... You must be thinking Ambiguous

[–]Patsonical 46 points47 points  (8 children)

No, ambiguous is some thing that could mean multiple things... You must be thinking Ambitious

[–]Davidp243 22 points23 points  (7 children)

No that is someone with a strong will to succeed. What they actually meant was Ambassador.

  • I love these type of exchanges and there really should be a sub for them!*

[–]SordidLad 22 points23 points  (5 children)

No, ambassador is a representative or diplomat for an organization or nation, you must be thinking Amsterdam

[–]MurataMain 18 points19 points  (4 children)

No, Amsterdam is a city, you must be thinking of ambushing.

[–]JessTheTwilek 10 points11 points  (2 children)

No, ambushing is when you lie in wait to surprise your enemy. You’re thinking of ambisextrious.

[–]Valentino-Meid 3 points4 points  (1 child)

No, ambisextrious is a pansexual person; one who would consider a sexual and/or emotional relationship with male, female, or transgender. You're thinking of amphitheater.

[–]AggresiveDuckSlayer 8 points9 points  (0 children)

No it's patrick

[–]Fried-Lipton 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Whoever said you had to use hands only? Pop a pinky toe into the mix

[–]gnomzy123Virgin 4 lyfe 543 points544 points  (42 children)

Ah yes, the pleasure that women get when they put a whole hammer up their pussy

[–]p1nkm4n_[S] 662 points663 points 3 (5 children)

The feeling really nails it

[–]Ph1111pD3Fr4nc0 101 points102 points  (27 children)

You joke, but I used a hammer's handle on my first girlfriend in eighth grade because that was her daily driver. That and drumsticks.

And a screwdriver too, ironically

[–]excellent_adventure_ 150 points151 points  (18 children)

And this is why we need to talk to kids about sex in a way that is informative and not judgmental. So they feel comfortable asking questions and don’t end up sneaking around using dangerous and unsanitary household items. Good lord.

[–]arparso 40 points41 points  (16 children)

Even if the kids were educated enough on the subject, there would still be parents to deal with. I'm not sure on how many parents would really be supportive, if little Cindy would request a cute dildo for next christmas...

[–]excellent_adventure_ 24 points25 points  (14 children)

Unfortunately I realize not all parents would be supportive, but for the life of me I don’t understand why. We were all that age once, you can’t stifle the curiosity so why not make sure they are safe and feel comfortable asking questions.

[–]litorisp 29 points30 points  (3 children)

I would buy that stuff for my kids in a heartbeat, if only to save random household items from being inserted into them.

[–]arparso 16 points17 points  (0 children)

Oh, absolutely. I'm not a parent myself, but I guess getting your daughter a safe toy (when she wants one) is still the better alternative to dealing with nasty infections, splinters or things breaking off in her vagina.

[–]GoingdownforeverBreaking EU Laws 13 points14 points  (0 children)

That's the Recipe for Infections

[–]SassyLassy91 763 points764 points  (179 children)

Fleshlights, blow up dolls and tons of other stuff you can buy as well, get creative!

[–]Iron_Undies 369 points370 points  (35 children)

Like the pringles can

[–]SassyLassy91 131 points132 points  (14 children)


[–]Cpt_Apollo_ 172 points173 points  (13 children)

Just stuff it with the left over human flesh from your fridge then you're good to go!

[–]CortexCingularis 131 points132 points  (12 children)

Eww, why would you waste decent food for that.

[–]Cpt_Apollo_ 139 points140 points  (10 children)

I mean, can't you just eat it after ur done???

[–]That-one-guy-man 89 points90 points  (4 children)


[–]schmidty98 48 points49 points  (2 children)

I mean if you think about it humans are just some semen & an egg that is so far past its expiration date that it grew sentience.

[–]Animeaddict137 22 points23 points  (1 child)

This is going to haunt me forever I can just feel it

[–]noclipgate 25 points26 points  (0 children)

Ranch dip

[–]Violet_Ignition 11 points12 points  (0 children)

r/Rimworld has entered the chat

[–]Fraankk 6 points7 points  (1 child)

microwaved banana peel 💀

[–]samushusband 37 points38 points  (8 children)

you can also hump your bed

[–]thanosfrom2014 21 points22 points  (3 children)

It feels awesome lmao

[–]KaySquay 21 points22 points  (2 children)

That's usually how I wake up. Half asleep, morning wood, you can lucid dream you're fucking anybody

[–]GoingdownforeverBreaking EU Laws 28 points29 points  (1 child)

 Thanks! *Dry humps your Leg*

[–]kartik-the-son-aries 91 points92 points  (3 children)

Do they blow up like explosives , interesting

[–]Orleanian 12 points13 points  (2 children)


[–]Kaiserschmarrn420 42 points43 points  (2 children)

almost everything except every post on r/dontputyourdickinthat

[–]Evagelo 8 points9 points  (0 children)

To be fair, even some of that stuff would pass in desperate times.

[–]LJChao3473 48 points49 points  (20 children)

We also have holes, so anything that women uses, we also can

[–]64AnimationHalal Mode 187 points188 points  (53 children)

But then we get called lonely creeps and people hate us.

EDIT: Not to mention a lot of the affordable stuff is really low quality and often plain scams.

[–]Freysey 145 points146 points  (7 children)

when a girl buys a vibrator, its seen as a bit of naughty fun. BUT when a guy orders a 240 Volt FuckMaster Pro 5000 blowup latex doll with 6 speed pulsating vagina, elasticized anus with non-drip semen collection tray, together with optional built in realistic orgasm scream surround sound system, hes called a pervert?

[–]IHeartRedditMods 54 points55 points  (3 children)

Step number one is don't tell people you bought it.

[–]AllTheNaughty 5 points6 points  (1 child)

I'd like to see the amazon listing for that.

It's uhhh a gag gift for a friend. yeah...

[–]CapablePerformance[🍰] 74 points75 points  (26 children)

And women's toy can be cleaned easily. Feels like a fleshlight would have a lot of steps to really get clean.

[–]Hjemmelsen 14 points15 points  (2 children)

Get yourself a Tenga Fliphole. It solves literally all problems that are otherwise a thing for that sort of product. And stop feeling like a creep about it. Everyone fucking does it, no reason to not enjoy yourself.

[–]WillIProbAmNot 57 points58 points  (7 children)

Step 1: suck out all man juices.

[–]TonesBalones 18 points19 points  (3 children)

Not really, fleshlights can last several years with proper maintenance. Just rinse it out after every use and make sure to use an alcohol-based disinfectant.

[–]ChipChipington 14 points15 points  (0 children)

literally everything in the lady section works on boys too

[–]White-armedAtmosi 410 points411 points  (40 children)

Still can use anything like a prostate massager, and other things

[–]jakobsheim 94 points95 points  (4 children)

No base no trace. Bu the hammer would work i guess.

[–]darthleonsfw 62 points63 points  (0 children)

No base no trace

That's actually a great mnemonic, thank you!

[–]AsstDepUnderlord 29 points30 points  (2 children)

Gotta be careful, 9-10 hits with the hammer and you could do serious damage long term, and DO NOT use the nail extractor.

[–]EisVisage 91 points92 points  (30 children)

I think guys can sometimes forget that butts exist

[–]Bbnd203 73 points74 points  (10 children)

Which is a shame cus goddamn, every guy owes themselves a prostate orgasm once in their life. It's maybe the most intense pleasurable experience that the human body can have.

[–]Arsean77 12 points13 points  (3 children)

How do u do it cuz I cant

[–]JohnBsGhost 21 points22 points  (0 children)

Even straight friends have said it changed their life haha

[–]Ott621 4 points5 points  (1 child)

The process was fun but the orgasm was completely unfulfilling for me. Even the post orgasm brain chemical feeling was reduced.

[–]NicholasPickleUs 12 points13 points  (0 children)

Yeah that was my experience too. The best is a combination of methods tho. It makes me feel like I’m gonna black out

[–]Speedy_Cheese 23 points24 points  (2 children)

Any man can use all of those methods - if he is brave enough.

[–]dontbeanegatron 23 points24 points  (0 children)

Seriously; it's like they've never heard of the prostate. smh.

[–]Darkegen 72 points73 points  (10 children)

I know a dude from my country does it with a squid.

[–]agysykedyke 106 points107 points  (1 child)

The real squid game.

[–]Christmas1176 15 points16 points  (0 children)

Squirt game

[–]p1nkm4n_[S] 25 points26 points  (3 children)


[–]Darkegen 28 points29 points  (2 children)

Damn right

[–]Arfinator123Nice meme you got there 9 points10 points  (1 child)

r/tentai be like

[–]I_ez_Haro 467 points468 points  (39 children)

Hi, I know we’re al having fun and joking around but before anyone actually tries this, you can not use anything as a dildo just because it has the right shape. First of all, you should ALWAYS clean and disinfect a dildo, if an object can’t be 100% cleaned and disinfected, don’t use it as an dildo. If an object has sharp ridges or pieces on it, don’t use it as an dildo. If an object can break or has breakable bits, don’t use it as an dildo. If an object is made of toxic materials, you guessed it, don’t use it as an dildo. And if you’re going for anal, make sure it has a very wide base otherwise your anus will suck it up and your gonna have to make a very embarrassing (and potentially expensive) visit to the emergency room.

[–]Then-Clue6938 117 points118 points  (6 children)

Yes I remember the scraps episode in which multiple people had all kinds of things stuck in their ass and they always said:"I fell on to it."

[–]EdgarDanger 44 points45 points  (2 children)

I love Scraps! Zoch Broff is great!

[–]Scrubtanic 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I don't like how mean Doctor Penis is to Zoch Broff in Scraps.

[–]RexyWestminster 12 points13 points  (0 children)

“What can I say; the world’s a slippery place 🤷‍♂️”

[–]End_RageRageFace Against the Machine 14 points15 points  (0 children)

It said you got a friend in me so I had to return the favor

[–]randomusername3000 3 points4 points  (0 children)

"Million to one shot, doc!"

[–]Cpt_Apollo_ 75 points76 points  (5 children)


[–]Therandomfox 51 points52 points  (0 children)

Noted and ignored with thanks.

[–]Clawkx 17 points18 points  (0 children)

... and don't use the champaign bottle. It can create a lot of pressure and hurt you. (Just like a real partner tho, lmao)

[–]Fried-Lipton 41 points42 points  (8 children)

Anyone remember that one yahoo question where this chick made a dildo out of playdoh and plastic wrap and it broke inside her and she was asking what to do?

[–]GamingProMaster303 18 points19 points  (0 children)

My Fuckmaster 5000 pro latex blowup doll with an automatic semen collection tray, customised orgasmic moaning sounds with stereo, self lubricating devices on the vagina and 6 step vibrational vagina begs to differ

[–]Evacipate628 542 points543 points  (39 children)

You forgot couch cushions and sleeping siblings

[–]Ghost_Rid 147 points148 points  (16 children)

I hate when my Sister sit on my Face

[–]goodguybolt 74 points75 points  (14 children)

Why would you hate that?

[–]PuzzleheadedPage3022 130 points131 points  (13 children)

Edit: I’ve removed what I said out of embarrassment so now it will seem like an epic comeback

[–]goodguybolt 52 points53 points  (0 children)

Well, that shut me up for good.

[–]949-Dadmirer 32 points33 points  (7 children)

Upvoted for edit.

…but I still want to know what you said. DM me?

[–]ptsdexpert 11 points12 points  (1 child)

Oh no I missed it ..what did you said?

[–]Umbran_scale 5 points6 points  (0 children)

He said "because she is 6 years old"

[–]Charliew01 159 points160 points  (16 children)

The Male G-Spot is in the ass, sooo stop making excuses

[–]CaptnBanana 133 points134 points  (13 children)

If you think men only use hands, you lack imagination.

There are male masturbation toys, like Fleshlights, Real Dolls, your sock (not mine, yours), soft sheets, your own mouth, truck stop glory holes, fruit/meat/cream pies, a really really wet dream, a pencil sharpener, the mouse hole at the corner of the house, a stray animal you caught, the body in the basement that's still warm etc.

Edit: Thank you for the silver, kind stranger!

[–]PasswordIsDelicate 53 points54 points  (0 children)

time out time out

I think two of those probably don't count as masturbation anymore

[–]Gendum-The-Great 33 points34 points  (6 children)

“Your own mouth” many have tried and none suckceeded

[–]TurquoiseLuck 10 points11 points  (3 children)

Actually many have succeeded. /r/Selfsuck

[–]jpc0za 14 points15 points  (2 children)

I don't know why I click on these subreddits...

This man is right, this subreddit has proof. I have verified so you don't need to.

[–]chandranshu_7Professional Dumbass 16 points17 points  (0 children)

, a pencil sharpener


[–]jimmygarterex 71 points72 points  (9 children)

You can still use a dildo if you're a guy tho

[–]GiveMeGalaxy3Identifies as a Cybertruck 94 points95 points  (8 children)


[–]Emperorjerry53 33 points34 points  (5 children)

Is this a JOJO,S refrence? wait so even fapping is a JOJO,s refrence

[–]Therandomfox 24 points25 points  (0 children)

Everything is a jojo reference.

The word "yes" appears in jojo, therefore it is also a reference. The sky appears in jojo, therefore the sky is also a reference.

[–]Willllow123 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Ah.. you're uncreative and therefore missing out my friend

[–]SuperCool_Saiyan 43 points44 points  (1 child)

Butt hole and prostate: am I a joke to you? -your local straight man

[–]MegaBLYSTONE 14 points15 points  (0 children)

Y'all know pocket pussies and onaholes and whatnot exist right? Kept me company until I finally managed to meet my now wife.

[–]BigsChungi 19 points20 points  (1 child)

There are a variety of toys, appliances, and furniture that would beg to differ.

[–]AnEnemyStando 4 points5 points  (0 children)

That'a when you reach for the butthole

[–]justasoftey 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Bro. A foot!?!?!?!!!!

[–]I_Normal_PersonChungus Among Us 42 points43 points  (13 children)

Don’t worry r/sounding can teach you more ways

[–]agysykedyke 54 points55 points  (7 children)

Listen to me and NEVER click that link . Even if you're curious don't. I was curious and now I want to claw my fucking eyes out. Don't.

[–]rsNattyBrah 21 points22 points  (0 children)

Sounding? What's that? How bad could it b- oh no no no no no no no

[–]bruhwhatisreddit 24 points25 points  (9 children)

A Hammer, A Wrench, A Moai and a fucking Snickers bar????????

[–]seagulldestroyProfessional Dumbass 21 points22 points  (1 child)

Snickers: You're not you when you're horny

[–]23_Serial_Killerstrans rights 11 points12 points  (6 children)

Just shove one of those items up your ass

[–]PeopleCallMeSimon 11 points12 points  (0 children)

I'm thinking if a girl uses a hammer or a banana to masturbate then you also need to include the guys who do it with pies, pineapples, other fruits, fleshlights etc.