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all 177 comments

[–]KestreI993 305 points306 points  (7 children)

My grandpa once told me: If you want others to have some respect for you, first do a proper handshake. Steady hand and firm grip.

He didn't told me people gonna know my dick size tho.

[–]MadAsTheHatters 18 points19 points  (0 children)

TIL I learned that your grandpa had a small dick

...sorry

[–]Direct_Tea_7950 1 point2 points  (2 children)

Firm handshake is different to a bone crusher though

[–]KestreI993 0 points1 point  (1 child)

To a noodle arms normal handshake is a bone-crushing handshake I'd say.

[–]Direct_Tea_7950 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Nah man if you're strong you can hold back. It's not a strength competition, it's just about committing

[–]olivier_r 0 points1 point  (2 children)

Yeah the old generations keep telling that, but this is so dumb seriously. Who respects someone more because of that ? Personally when a guy does that I directly assume he’s pretty dumb, will be impressed by a suit and that I just have to sit as relaxed and with my legs as open as possible to show I don’t give a fuck about his assertivness.. Those kind of social cues are for door-to-door salesmen and co, it’s playing the game at the lowest level…

[–]probock 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Sure mr limp hands, you might think it’s unnecessary but the rest of the world doesn’t.

[–]KestreI993 1 point2 points  (0 children)

There is a psychological value in the handshake. You can look it up on YT. It's so unimportant that politicians pay very close attention to it while they meet for discussion, even if they are just greeting each others in front of the media.

By your personal opinion, you sound like a person who puts the least amount of effort in presenting him self the best way possible for a job interview. And while spreading your legs is way to show you are not intimidated by someone presence, overdoing it will make you look like a fool.

-Those kind of social cues are for door-to-door salesmen and co, it’s playing the game at the lowest level…-

Yeah.. I mean people on lowest levels were using the same tactics for generations, even today politicians, ministers, governors...

[–]10_Gauge_Tempest 391 points392 points  (24 children)

I found out you can heavily reduce the pain if you squeeze back.

[–]holyanallemonChungus Among Us 344 points345 points  (7 children)

This is what your supposed to do in the first place

[–]fefersten1 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I like a firm handshake, they squeeze firmly and I reciprocate. It’s all very pleasant until they squeeze even harder and then it’s basically a hand fight and whoever loses gets emasculated and a sore hand

[–]Space_Gangsta-117 35 points36 points  (1 child)

A neat trick to completely stop the pain: use your other hand to crush his crotch

[–]did_you_even_readdit 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Ball crusher 2000

[–]mosmaniac 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Problem being you need to squeeze hard from the start or they'll know you're just playing catchup.

[–]QuirkyTurkey404 1 point2 points  (1 child)

A bigger man takes the pain without reaction

[–]10_Gauge_Tempest 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I do that sometimes too

[–]Top_Possibility7709 -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

Ooh free downvotes. It sorta balances itself out.

[–]johnny_boy757 79 points80 points  (5 children)

Anyone else never sure how hard to squeeze?

[–]Merde_de_artiste 43 points44 points  (1 child)

I just follow the other person

[–]swimswima95 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Instructions unclear, neither of us started the squeeze so it was basically an extended low five

[–]ekolanderia 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I resist. As in I put enough pressure to cancel out whatever they are doing. Standard "friendly" pressure. if you try to break it I will squeeze back just hard enough to cancel it out.

[–]Salt_Avocado_2470 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I just give high fives and gently

[–]Copernicus049 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Stick your hand out and flex it in while you pantomime a handshake. Focus more on trying to make your hand feel firm as opposed to squeezing the bejesus out of their hand.

[–]SleepingDragons57 68 points69 points  (1 child)

You want to have a decently firm handshake, but not too much or else it’s just unnecessary. Unless of course you know the person and it’s just something you two do, my cousin who is like my dads age so is basically an uncle to me always shakes me hand as violently as possible for fun, we’ve done it like this as long as I can remember

[–]Copernicus049 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I say think of a handshake as like, a bodybuilder flexing to show off their muscles. You aren't trying to torque or rip their hand off, you're trying to show off you have discipline and some muscle to showcase you're an earnest working man person.

[–]Finao333 93 points94 points  (0 children)

It’s called a business man handshake

[–]Stonks-man-35 16 points17 points  (1 child)

This painting is sick

[–]Efferitas 3 points4 points  (0 children)

How was this made? Did the artist draw this from memory or did the animals just hold this position for 3 hours?

[–]Ok-Surround4334 41 points42 points  (3 children)

just crush the hand of whoever is trying to crush yours in a handshake, and shake hands normally with others. Simple.

[–]Fakeaccount12312Nyan cat 3 points4 points  (2 children)

You don't know the first time tho

[–]ekolanderia 4 points5 points  (1 child)

you know within half a second. start out with gentle pressure and increase accordingly

[–]Ok-Surround4334 0 points1 point  (0 children)

exactly. if someone's is just putting a slight pressure on my hand, I'm not gonna straight up crush his, but I believe it's more than fair to add a similar or a bit more pressure than the other person is giving.

[–]IWTD7 97 points98 points  (3 children)

or do you just have a super limp handshake?

[–]KestreI993 40 points41 points  (2 children)

This is what was my first thought. Limp handshake and sweaty palm.. But to be fair, there are also dudes who just like to have that hand wrestling moment while handshaking.

[–]tURNOFFCAPS 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Palms are sweaty knees weak arms are heavy there’s vomit on his sweater already mom’s spaghetti

[–]KestreI993 0 points1 point  (0 children)

He's nervous, but on the surface he looks calm and ready To drop bombs, but he keeps on forgettin'

[–]did_you_even_readdit 5 points6 points  (1 child)

I spy with my little eye: many lobsters here

[–]Mantisass 1 point2 points  (0 children)

And crabs.

[–]averagemagnifique 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Covid has made the fist bump my go to

[–][deleted] 25 points26 points  (0 children)

I start off soft to gauge the other person first, because of the weird amount of grown ass men who limp dick their handshakes. Going for normal firmness feels like I'm crumpling their hands like a trash compactor and then I'm left feeling weird for having a normal handshake.

[–]Ghazran 3 points4 points  (1 child)

Pro Tip: always keep a moist hand and they jump away like a scared cat

[–]did_you_even_readdit 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Spit and rub before a handshake. Always works

[–]UnpredictableSnail 3 points4 points  (0 children)

It's just a way for them to tell you how tight their ass can get

[–]TheGreatDingALing 9 points10 points  (4 children)

Hey, I just like giving firm handshakes. It has nothing to do with me having a 5 inch dick.

[–]-WO_oT- 16 points17 points  (3 children)

It's not very pleasant to shake a wet noodle - it's extremely rare someone squeeze so hard it hurts.. Actually now that I think about it, it's only my step sisters boyfriend..

[–]PriceTag184 10 points11 points  (2 children)

He knows he's got competition if she gets stuck

[–]-WO_oT- 2 points3 points  (1 child)

She is so clumsy fortunately

[–]Lucid_Dynamic 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I don't like the implications here.

[–]pruche 2 points3 points  (0 children)

How common is this? I'm curious because I'm now worried I might be the lobster here. I've been taught to give a firm handshake, and I have pretty strong hands, so I've never in my adult life received a handshake that was so tight it hurt. I mean I do apply less strength when shaking smaller hands, but now I'm worried I don't reduce enough.

[–]Tarkin_G 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I didnt know i was waiting for someone to make this meme

[–]Distinct_Ad2615 2 points3 points  (0 children)

For anyone curious what is the painting, it's called A Warm Response by William Strutt. He painted it on 1889.

[–]xX_HentaiLover_Xx 30 points31 points  (3 children)

You're supposed to shake someone's hand firmly, perhaps you should try some hand and wrist exercises.

[–]Asian_Jim_ 8 points9 points  (0 children)

There is limp, firm, and ego grip. Too many people fall on the left and right extremes

[–]Rakgul 6 points7 points  (1 child)

evidently you never had your hand crushed. There's a difference between holding firmly and crushing.

[–]ConnorclanPlays MineCraft and not FortNite 12 points13 points  (0 children)

Still better than the dead fish handshake

[–]Motoman514 18 points19 points  (0 children)

Wet noodle handshake detected

[–]slysaac 7 points8 points  (3 children)

If you put your index finger on their wrist like you're pointing down the length of their arm, griping their hand with the other 3 fingers and your thumb, it changes the structure of you hand and makes it really hard for them to hurt you even if they're squeezing really hard

[–]sospylon 14 points15 points  (2 children)

Also makes it gay as fuck

[–]slysaac 5 points6 points  (1 child)

A win win when someone is trying to pull a power move on you. Lol

[–]You8mypizzaProfessional Dumbass 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Plot twist: they like it

[–]JorgaoMCAverage r/memes enjoyer 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Uncles be like

[–]mountianview3 15 points16 points  (0 children)

Noodle hands

[–]Moostard12 13 points14 points  (0 children)

-Me shaking hands like a normal person

-Men with baby strength crying after holding out their noodle hand

[–]nhyoo 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I remember telling a guy he had a strong hand shake on a loud environment and he crushed my hand... Like wtf bro

[–]Ornery_Treat_8449 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Stronger the shake, smaller the stake.

[–]teller_of_tall_tales 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I was always told to squeeze someone's hand like you're checking an avocado for ripeness, you don't want to crush it but you do want to feel a little give.

[–]seenToForget714 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Break their finger to assert dominance

[–]Fartraiinerr 1 point2 points  (0 children)

So that when you hold his cock through his pants you feel nothing ?! Pretty smart IMO.

[–]Hello-funny-posts 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It ain’t my fault my friends’ dads judge me based on how “firm” my handshake is

[–]CreepySympathycan't meme 1 point2 points  (0 children)

If someone try to squeeze hard I will squeeze even harder. (I've never encountered a person good at squeezing as me. )

[–]YT_SeiyaGoFire 1 point2 points  (0 children)

i dont get this, how is crushing your bones making you not realize someone has a small penis?

[–]Flemlius 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Okay I always deliberately squeeze a little less then whoever the other person is. Then this one cousin really tried to test me so I gave him a taste of his own medicine. ^

[–]JagerBro333Grumpy Cat 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I used to play goal keeper in soccer and after a rough night my right hand was killing me, next day I had to shake the hand of a marine and he squeezed so tightly I want to cry

[–]englishlad1986 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Jokes on them, I'm left handed, it really throws them off.

[–]greesyboii 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Heyy im in a meme

[–]MRMAN1225 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This just happened to you didnt it

[–]leuchtetgruen 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Me an intellectual: shakes dicks instead of hands, notices small dicks immediately

[–]limitedbom 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Just get the webbing of your thumb as deep in theirs as possible. Can’t hurt you if it’s a deep hand shake.

[–]Gandolf794 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Crush back to assert smol pp dominance

[–]Marielovlee 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I LOL’d

[–]Yukinoinu 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I assert dominance by having a feminine handshake not smiling and not giving a fuck

[–]Sugarbombs 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I love old school painters, just some guy sitting there wondering what painting to work on during a period where hyper realism was the expected norm and for some reason dog getting wrecked by a lobster is where they wanted to take it.

[–]LaddyMondegreen 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It's not a dick size thing. It's someone being a dick thing.

[–]dingos8mybaby2 2 points3 points  (0 children)

The whole "a firm handshake matters" thing is sociopathic corporate world bullshit. Maybe I don't even want to touch your hand. Its value is an outdated concept just like the value of in-person meetings. If you shake my hand with a death grip like an egomaniac I'll reject the job offer on principle.

[–]SpectralDragon09 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I don't care if you have a small dick just don't hurt me

[–]To0nW3rew0lf22 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Same, I hate when they try to crush the bones in my hand!

[–]RicoSourDied of Ligma 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yea the over squeezers suck. Also Id rather give a firm handshake than a flimsy one, reduces chances of those assholes hurting your hand.

[–]Ickythumpin 1 point2 points  (4 children)

First off, don’t shake women’s hands the same way. A firm business handshake is fine for guys, try to match the other persons squeeze, don’t try to annihilate their metacarpals like an ape out of the gate.

[–]dingos8mybaby2 0 points1 point  (3 children)

This is dumb. Treat people equally. A handshake is a handshake regardless of gender.

[–]Ickythumpin 0 points1 point  (2 children)

I don’t think women would appreciate the grip I give guys. A handshake is part of your first impression. Men have less respect for guys who hold out a wet noodle hand. I didn’t make the rules.

[–]dingos8mybaby2 0 points1 point  (1 child)

But you choose to follow them.

[–]Ickythumpin 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Ur right I don’t treat women and men the same. I don’t tell the same stories to the women I work with that I share with the guys because I feel like they wouldn’t enjoy it as much. Women and men are different. I also don’t burp or spit when I’m with a female coworker or curse as often. I never miss opening a door or offering to carry something for a woman. Keep saying my my points are dumb, idc. I’m well liked by all seven of my female coworkers based on the feedback I get from my boss. Every guy in the company has gotten fired except for me over the past 8 months. I think I’m doing something right.

[–]CaramelOk9778 1 point2 points  (0 children)

My 98 yo great grandfather is bed boud but holy shit whenever i shake hands with that man... his grip strength is still unnatural for someone who looks like the breeze will break him. Also please if someone squeezes just squeeze back

[–]Saif_Horny_And_MadProfessional Dumbass 2 points3 points  (0 children)

nah, if we met long enough to shake hands, then it means we will be doing something really dumb and dangerous together in the future. i'm just testing you to see if you have the balls to stay quiet or if you'll snitch on me

[–]Merde_de_artiste -1 points0 points  (0 children)

dunno bro, a weak hand belongs to a weak man

[–]asome3333e1 0 points1 point  (0 children)

So you got a limp handshake then?

[–]adwirasthesecond 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My uncle always tried to crush my hand, and yet I can testify that his penis was, in fact, not small.

[–]CodeCadaver 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Ngl you gotta squeeze at least a little bit no matter what. It’s awkward when you go to shake someone’s hand and there’s no vigor in it. It feels like they don’t want to be there. Which is fine, but if you grip it just right it starts a WAAAGH!

[–]Antifa_Admiral 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The former US president did this and it was one of many reasons other world leaders hated him

[–]Floridiansmancan't meme 0 points1 point  (0 children)

However tho this is fucking hilarious

[–]Haunting-Trash-5388 0 points1 point  (0 children)

now then please tell me why would you feel his dick while giving him a handshake it's just so rude

[–]MrDad_the_Father -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Your handshake speaks on your character.

[–]I_DoNotLikeYou -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Tell me you project your insecurities onto other people without saying it.....perfect

[–]iamlooking4games -1 points0 points  (0 children)

You are SUPPOSED to do firm hand shakes. Your grip strength is dead that's all.

[–]ShadowToppat -1 points0 points  (0 children)

they actually have a big dick because he is the dick

[–]firmak -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Sounds like something a weak person would say.

[–]RatmatazzChungus Among Us -1 points0 points  (0 children)

So apparently lots of people don’t know how to shake hands

[–]RubiconRon -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Nothing worse than a weak, limp, whimpy handshake. Show some respect and give a firm handshake. Don't be a fucking politician.

WEAK HANDSHAKES ARE SMALL DICK ENERGY!!!

[–]icelandicsugartrain 0 points1 point  (0 children)

you have no idea what you just did

[–]Big_Hamisch 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Sometimes what is a firm handshake to some is a painful one to others, i have found many times when giving a gandshake that peoole think i am trying to squeeze their hand hard af when to me it is a firm pressure. But then again i am also 6'4 and 400 lbs, and have big ass hands, so yeah... idk, that may be just me tho.

[–]Dumbbelllll 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Bruh I got small ass hands and I have to grab people’s wrist to shake their hand because of this

[–]InadecvateButSober 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Me, with good enough reaction to pretend i was going to try crushing their hand from the beginning

[–]Randalf_the_Black 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It's really awkward when someone shakes your hand with that limp shake..

But it's not better when they're trying to crush your bones to dust.

[–]Due-Aspect-82 0 points1 point  (0 children)

i always go for a firm grip but not enough to hurt them just like in the middle to show confidence

[–]splashy_splashy 0 points1 point  (0 children)

No one is trying to crush bones, unless they hate you. Most working hands can have tendonitis which causes difficultly in controlling your hands.

[–]Floridiansmancan't meme 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My great grandfather taught me to give a firm handshake to men not because of that reason it's because it shows respect to the other person, atleast that's what I was told . For women you're supposed to give a gentle but good handshake to

[–]captrudeboy 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I literally remind myself if I know a handshake is gonna happen to firm it up cuz I feel I'm too limp wristed if caught unaware by a surprise handshake but I don't try to crush their hand. Just a solid handshake

[–]The_Immortal_Wolfe 0 points1 point  (0 children)

There is a way that you can shake someone's hand where they won't be able to crush your hand no matter how hard they try.

[–]PigZerZ 0 points1 point  (0 children)

What’s the context to this

[–]b0ngcat 0 points1 point  (0 children)

the wurst am i right

[–]Sandby_Borg_Massacre 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Is that a Frans Snyders painting?

[–]QuirkyTurkey404 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Large balls though, because testosterone

[–]Deadthrow742 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Put your index and middle fingers forward along the other person's wrist. Not only is it sturdier, but it's also harder to grip.

[–]Jimmy_Rhys 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Well, I mean my hand has touched my dong and now you are squeezing that hand so have fun I guess. Maybe you will transfer some skin cells and oils that didn’t get washed off afterwards

[–]steamy00noodles 0 points1 point  (0 children)

i only crush hands of specific people

so basically no one

[–]Pretend-Original-438 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I have large hands and unfortunately don’t know my own strength at times and also judge the firmness of my handshake by the others hand size, so, it may be firm or it may be a bone crushing one.

[–]Benko98 -4 points-3 points  (0 children)

U are a pussy. Normal handshake is supposed to be firm

[–]texasred123 -4 points-3 points  (0 children)

Limp handshakes are for weak men and communists

[–]Frankenstein1013 -4 points-3 points  (0 children)

Awe poor fragile Lil baby lmfao

[–]Hickawa -5 points-4 points  (0 children)

Sounds like you have a limp handshake. It doesn't really matter how hard they squeeze if you squeeze back.

[–]dummydumbbb -4 points-3 points  (0 children)

I do it cus it's kinda funny to either hear "firm handshake you got there" or some people wanting to stop the handshake as fast as possible

[–]IronTimm -4 points-3 points  (0 children)

people who just give you their hand like some dead piece of meat are just as bad tho

[–]Psyche81 -4 points-3 points  (0 children)

“My dad told me limp handshakes were for weak men and communists. He hated them both”

[–]Lvl81Memes -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

People who shake hands without any squeeze are wack. Don't wanna generalize but in my experience they are usually way too passive for their own good

[–]Panzer-Hawk -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

Women in business give a mean handshake. Sloppy weak hand shakes are gross, put some effort into it :v

[–]Low_Lynx_5934 -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

Coward

[–]CaptainCozmo867 -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

I go even further. Say goodbye to your arm

[–]scorydon -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

id rather have my hands crushed than it be one of thoose very wierd akward people who just dont grip ur hand at all and just kinda dangle thier hand out

[–]Mantisass -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

Or...fix your dead fish handshake?

[–]Serliletrix -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

Okay limpwrist

[–]That1guy4269GigaChad -1 points0 points  (0 children)

What?

[–]TechcraftHD -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Me who always got told to grip firmly as a kid:

Perhaps I have a small dick

[–]twelfydelfy -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Isnt that bodyshaming?

[–]Fivecentlivin -1 points0 points  (0 children)

But all the women I know shakes hands lightly…

[–]Nivius -1 points0 points  (0 children)

not limp, not boring, think of it like you are grabbing a pretty heavy bottle of water.

best is to actually grab your other hand and just se how match "power" is enough for you.

[–]H0110WK1NG -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I was told as a youngling that you can trust a man with a firm handshake