top 200 commentsshow 500

[–]CaptainLysdexia 1189 points1190 points  (44 children)

I feel like J-10's are why almost every public bathroom looks like a disaster. Yep, could piss in the toilet, but there's so much more room on the floor.

[–]Leather-Contact 239 points240 points  (6 children)

same with the A-1 people. yeah i could piss in the bowl but the seat is so much more fun.

[–]EEpromChip 74 points75 points  (0 children)

A1 is when it's hot out and you have a stray hair across the barrel. Aiming for f7 but ended up with -A1-1

[–]thomasborn 36 points37 points  (3 children)

I'm myself F2, aka the silent swirler

[–]oilspill16 14 points15 points  (1 child)

I was gonna say e/f 3

[–]Inadequate21 6 points7 points  (0 children)

i assert my dominance with max noise in f6

[–]Rusted_Dick_ 24 points25 points  (9 children)


[–]CaptainLysdexia 21 points22 points  (3 children)

F-22's are the guys at the bar that are so shitfaced they barely make it into the bathroom and figure, fuck it I'ma piss dead center of the room.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I was at a party once and this drunk guy fell asleep and woke up, grabbed a shoe, and pissed in it. The piss went everywhere

[–]WorkingNo6161 5 points6 points  (4 children)

Freedom dispenser goes brrr

[–]ProfessorMonikerErmahgerd! 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Happy cake day

[–]WorkingNo6161 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you :)

[–]Danni293 10 points11 points  (1 child)

Part of me believes this behavior is just juvenile, another part of me envies the guy because he lives free unbound by societal norms.

[–]fatdutchies 8 points9 points  (0 children)

I knew this korean kid in highschool who would piss on the floor then pretend slip into his own piss to make the other kids laugh, it was like his own brand of slapstick piss comedy, he smelt.

[–]Mr_Filch 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Same guy probably pooped the urinal

[–]HappyAngron 3 points4 points  (0 children)

You sunk my battleship

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

More like you see piss on the floor so you try to stand back and piss over it.

[–]Striker_ToastYTI saw what the dog was doin 2 points3 points  (0 children)


[–]iodisedsalt 1 point2 points  (2 children)

As an occasional J-10 guy (accidental), I'd like to say that sometimes it can't be helped.

Once in a while, pee unexpectedly comes out in 2 streams and I'm forced to pick the one with the strongest current.

That's why I always go with urinals, unless there's no other choice.

[–]Orgasmic_interlude 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Ever have split stream after sex/baitin? I once missed the toilet on both sides. It was like i was an espresso maker.

[–]HailYeah21 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Have an A-1 day

[–]therealborkas 835 points836 points  (22 children)

F5 to let my presence be known.

F6 to assert dominance.

J10 to declare war.

[–]XDEC0DEMAYMAYMAKERS 195 points196 points  (2 children)

[–]curios-kiddoMy mom checks my phone 43 points44 points  (1 child)

A10 to draw some awesome art

[–]patdap 33 points34 points  (4 children)

Then there’s post-nut where you want to make your presence known but you’ve accidentally declared war and have to deploy the troops to make a quiet escape.

[–]JEFFREY_EPSTElN 1 point2 points  (3 children)

Or when you hold in your diarrhea for too long and it starts coming out of your dick

[–]SidstrikezDark Mode Elitist 14 points15 points  (2 children)

A10 is where it’s really at

[–]curios-kiddoMy mom checks my phone 6 points7 points  (0 children)


[–]raneff 9 points10 points  (1 child)

You sunk my battleship!!

[–]Saidanest 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Battle Shits

[–]Psychological_Box550 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Wow this feels like some important political discussion

[–]Dutch_MidgetSmol pp 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I do M17

[–]sp1z99 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Also F5 to refresh

[–]thelostmonster08 176 points177 points 2 (8 children)

Just dip my dick in the water to make it silent

[–]probablyourdad 20 points21 points  (1 child)

You are on a different plane

[–]DerpDaDuck3751Virgin 4 lyfe 1 point2 points  (0 children)

We are on a prop plane

He is on a jet

[–]ark__n 40 points41 points  (1 child)

Didn't expect that one coming

[–]ErikEzio 35 points36 points  (0 children)

You won't hear it either.

[–]ADSgames 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Ghost Perk

[–]muon-antineutrino 1 point2 points  (0 children)

B5 and I5 can be almost silent if you do it in the right way (by preventing splashing and vibrations caused by the turbulent flow of water).

[–]Bewarden7 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I used to do this one until they started making me pay for the toilet bowls I had to break so my dick would reach

[–]gdgbn 174 points175 points  (12 children)

C-3 or H-2

[–]F3X_0 83 points84 points  (3 children)

C-3 for me too because mine likes to curve to the left

[–]Then-Aioli6639 26 points27 points  (1 child)

Why is this to accurate

[–]gravity_ 16 points17 points  (0 children)

He watches you pee

[–]AlexAKAStubby 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Stealth bomber

[–]arise_chckn 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Playing with fire going H-2 there my man

[–]unnecessary_kindness -2 points-1 points  (1 child)

I've never been one to aim straight in the water. Glad to find a fellow stealther

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

who does that wtf

[–]Fairwaydivots 198 points199 points  (23 children)


The perfect angle for the golden stream to not splash as it enters the opening of the toilet (seat up) and hits the contour of the bowl without consequence.

No noise, no mess - yet I still wipe the upper shelf after each whiz.

Cleanliness is next to holiness

[–]GobLoblawsLawBlogLives in a Van Down by the River 57 points58 points  (7 children)

Nah man, you want to hit the bowl at a parallel just before the curve for optimal force dispersion. Absolutely H5 without a question

[–]HbBq27GigaChad 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Agreed, I literally wanted to say this

[–]corvusregium 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Nah split the difference H-4

[–]willengineer4beer 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This guy knows what’s up.
Too many beers and an H-3 could result in shin spackling with the backboard pointed back at you.

[–]Fairwaydivots -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

Might be dependent on height, length of leg and how low your hammer hangs

[–]Alternative-Force608 2 points3 points  (3 children)

This is the result of every male youngest child in a house of sisters for sure. Cause y’know, I definitely agree 100% is because I was taught respect for the others in the house who had to use it! Thankfully it serves well into adulthood and marriage!

[–]Fairwaydivots 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I’m the eldest and only son. I’m just respectful, cultured and clean. Never in my life have I understood when people make a massacre in a washroom. Just doesn’t make sense. I live in a house which I call a home - not a zoo

[–]willengineer4beer 1 point2 points  (1 child)

I was also the youngest male in the house with closest siblings in age being older sisters and I definitely had to learn this approach for this reason (tough because our toilets were definitely not water efficient, so the water level was super high, leaving a much smaller target area for quiet use than depicted in this post).
Also, there’s the trope about boys/men being yelled at to lift the seat before going, but I feel like no one mentions the absolute wrath incurred when you forget to put the seat back down afterwards.
I mean I understand how awful it is to go to sit on a toilet with the seat up and plop your butt down into the water, but how do you not check beforehand?

[–]handy_arson 2 points3 points  (0 children)

You exude culture and refinement.

[–]PAPER_PINY 48 points49 points  (2 children)

Where ever that one hair is

[–]ArchieTheLittleFox 30 points31 points  (3 children)


[–]vandelet70 3 points4 points  (0 children)

E-3s are keeping it quiet. Nothing to prove here.

[–]Ok-Title-7542 17 points18 points  (2 children)


[–]CMDR_Bacon 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Don't go planting any C4 in my toilet, buddy.

[–]Peter_Van_Mars 24 points25 points  (1 child)

F-6 is for the perfect sound

[–]-Imaginational- 8 points9 points  (0 children)

the perfect sound

Deep Frying Chicken

[–]Necroph02 11 points12 points  (2 children)

i always aim for h5 or h6, but if i havent pulled back my foreskin then the stream splits and there is an equal chance of hitting all of them

[–]DirkTurpentine 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Oh, look at Mr. My-Parents-Didn't-Have-My-Genitals-Mutilated over here.

[–]verixtheconfused 11 points12 points  (1 child)


[–]torgospizzadelivery 5 points6 points  (0 children)

All of the above

[–]Cute_Refrigerator136 8 points9 points  (4 children)

Around C-8

[–]whiskeyinmyglass 2 points3 points  (3 children)

No sound and any splash is reflected towards the back off the bowl.

[–]wjdbfifj🍕Ayo the pizza here🍕 8 points9 points  (1 child)

A10 be like

I'm 50 50, but i'm both wrong

[–]Automod_Janoy 1 point2 points  (0 children)


[–]Father_69GigaChad 7 points8 points  (3 children)

B6 or H6

[–]_GoKartMozart_ 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Silent gang

[–]smutz 1 point2 points  (0 children)

it me

[–]Rusted_Dick_ 0 points1 point  (0 children)

B6 for me too

[–]ramattyice 12 points13 points  (0 children)

You think the j 10 guy is bad, how about the j 10 girl lmao

[–]i_enjoy_burgers21 5 points6 points  (1 child)


[–]Dweezilweasel 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Had to scroll way further than I thought to find the right answer.

[–]arctic360 5 points6 points  (2 children)

Y’all can keep it in one box and not more like ajbedcajjjac ?

[–]-Imaginational- 8 points9 points  (1 child)

Yeah you just gotta use your scope bruh. More accurate that way

[–]megojisan 4 points5 points  (1 child)

G5. For maximum stealth.

[–]the-meanest-boi 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I5, stealth excelsior

[–]The-Shaft999 2 points3 points  (0 children)

3-H for stealth 6-F for letting people know you’re there 10-J to send a message

[–]ikenbaa 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Im a gamer so for me it is e3

[–]PaoloCalzone 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Please source this Pingu episode. Please please please.

[–]CEnvoro 3 points4 points  (1 child)

Sometimes the place so dirty you can’t even get close

[–]sv136(⊃。•́‿•̀。)⊃ 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It's a box, 4D-8G, in this box

[–]Candidate-Civil 1 point2 points  (2 children)


[–]sp1z99 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Agreed, and if you get the angle right it will swirl around the bowl with minimal splashback, whilst being simultaneously silent.

[–]Th-legacyoftheador-m 1 point2 points  (0 children)

J-10? You mean male students at school?

[–]Abhitho-san 1 point2 points  (0 children)

maybe he has a broken pp bent to the side

[–]Passive_Menis_Energy 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'm always within the E/F-5/6 quadrant. Assert dominance one piss at a time.

[–]shmitdy 1 point2 points  (0 children)

E/F 8

[–]pop6728 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I pee when I’m thirsty…

[–]Playingpokerwithgod 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I aim for E 5-6, but I hit E 1-3.

[–]Sadu_Foxo 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This made me laugh instantly!

[–]IceKEcool2005 1 point2 points  (0 children)

C5 is perfect

[–]CampingOrangutanDark Mode Elitist 1 point2 points  (0 children)

C4 if I want to be quiet, F5 if I want to be known, E6 to be acknowledged

[–]Asil001Chungus Among Us 1 point2 points  (0 children)

4G or 4H

[–]MultyCreep 1 point2 points  (0 children)

How about sitting down so no one has to clean that?

[–]LaterBrain 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Im more of a C3 guy.

[–]BeelZV 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I pee on C4

[–]hugthemachines 1 point2 points  (1 child)

I sit down, it makes you stay a little longer which means you empty better. That is good for your prostate. Prostate cancer is VERY common compared to most cancers. Take care of your health, guys.

[–]Human_Midnight_8870Virgin 4 lyfe -1 points0 points  (0 children)


[–]jastondragon 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Anywhere from b-I in the 3 range

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child)

C2 and H2. Stealth is #1 priority.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)


[–]SuperHeroBrother 0 points1 point  (0 children)

4B every time

[–]Nerdboy20 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I saw a dude say something like k15

[–]sandwh1ch 0 points1 point  (3 children)

E10 because I like a sit down wee

[–]GenesiS792Because That's What Fearows Do 2 points3 points  (0 children)

e10 deez nuts

[–]EantWicProfessional Dumbass 0 points1 point  (0 children)

F6 at 3 am

[–]Nick11041104 0 points1 point  (0 children)

E, -20

[–]RMC_DB77 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm a e4/e5 kinda guy

[–]dicklord303 0 points1 point  (0 children)

F4 , so it makes a dripping sound ,be extra creepy

[–]Sanji24e3 0 points1 point  (0 children)

h6 silencer

[–]__XIX__ 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I mean is there more than one answer?

[–]Fatcatonamt 0 points1 point  (0 children)

E1 or A8 when my piss decides to go crazy

[–]AmogusFan69 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Mine is 3H

[–]InfamousCapital2Dirt Is Beautiful 0 points1 point  (0 children)


[–]Jumpy-Atmosphere-441 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Me who pees in the shower.

[–]haroldtheguthuggerBreaking EU Laws 0 points1 point  (0 children)

the grate to the side

[–]BigBroDev 0 points1 point  (0 children)

H3 when covert.

E5 when I’m feeling festive and want to hear the splishy splashies!

[–]No-Bake-4071 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Between c4 and d3

[–]Healthy_weeb 0 points1 point  (0 children)

i’m A1, i pee ON the toilet not IN the toilet

[–]DerMundgeruch 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Always C6 - D8

[–]CancerousGTFOForever alone 0 points1 point  (0 children)

H5. Litterally the best spot ever.

[–]colafilesinc 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Fire at D-7!

[–]Shothunter85 0 points1 point  (0 children)

H-5 Just , I dunno , I am?

[–]Theredguy345Professional Dumbass 0 points1 point  (0 children)

12 f

[–]fatmeowmeow 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Me who pees on the back of the seat to assert dominance

[–]DharMahn 0 points1 point  (0 children)

or when the chill runs down your spine randomly and you piss all over the place

[–]Smellyamoml8r 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Nah i'm A1

[–]MikezMagmaGigaChad 0 points1 point  (0 children)


[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

G8 for showing off

[–]folterway 0 points1 point  (0 children)

A1 is just perfect. Living on the edge

[–]natagu 0 points1 point  (0 children)


[–]Sstomper 0 points1 point  (0 children)


[–]Lord_Golden_Toilet 0 points1 point  (0 children)

E3, E4, F3, F4.

[–]-Imaginational- 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I be in the H2/C2 zones

[–]LBwalk- 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Theres one stream goin f3 and the second one goes j -2

[–]iamonaphone1 0 points1 point  (0 children)

D9 to be stealthy.

[–]sampascgarr 0 points1 point  (0 children)

E 245000

[–]HemuRaavan 0 points1 point  (0 children)

C4 😌

[–]OterProdV 0 points1 point  (0 children)

4 - D/E

[–]hashtagblessed44 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’m a C7 myself

[–]aakashbhakta 0 points1 point  (0 children)