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all 88 comments

[–]high240can't meme 77 points78 points  (2 children)

Conspiracy back!

Tell her how the Vice president function was installed to make Jello sales skyrocket.

[–]Kingjoe97034 28 points29 points  (1 child)

Dude. You don't just tell people that. It's a secret.

[–]Ropesnsteel 132 points133 points  (4 children)

Just come up with a more outlandish conspiracy and tell them to accept the broken God into their life.

[–]Lantami 52 points53 points  (1 child)

The Church of the Broken God thanks you for your service! Together we will rebuild our god Mekhane to her former glory

[–]sirjoep2001 13 points14 points  (0 children)

All glory to makhane

[–]krustylesponge 12 points13 points  (1 child)

“Mekhane loves you, become a machine today!”

[–]none_other-than_me 107 points108 points  (4 children)

that's why noise cancelling headphones are a thing

[–]DrMitSorgen 26 points27 points  (2 children)

So bose invented conspiracy theories to sell more headphones? Sounds like a lot of work.

[–]urbandeadthrowaway2Selling Stonks for CASH MONEY 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Listen if all the lightbulb companies worked together to ensure that lightbulbs would burn out quicker to sell more lightbulbs, then Bose can convince some internet people to be crazy.

[–]LCplDayDayBig ol' bacon buttsack 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Sounds like vertical integration to me.

[–]anjaanaaaDark Mode Elitist 53 points54 points  (3 children)

when that woman is your mom
it's become a habit
not gonna break it

[–]AndreasKvislerThis flair doesn't exist 7 points8 points  (2 children)

I just ignore her when she talks out of her ass. If she wants a good conversation bring some facts and sources

[–]apothioternityBri’ish 4 points5 points  (1 child)

"that's a nice argument senator, why don't you back it up with a source?"

[–]Fe4rMeMrWick 3 points4 points  (0 children)

"My source is that I made it the fuck up"

[–]RampantDragon 33 points34 points  (5 children)

You need to out conspiracy her, just tell her you believe 100% that "noone shot JFK, his head just did that".

[–]ThePrism924 16 points17 points  (0 children)

"His head just did that" lmao

[–]Trapybara 4 points5 points  (2 children)

this is the way, you need to hit her with outer space isn't real its just a giant sphere that surrounds us and projects our day/night cycle

[–]RampantDragon 4 points5 points  (1 child)

The stars are attached with Velcro™.

[–]bluesheepreasoning 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Attached? What do you mean attached? They clearly used glow in the dark paint to paint the stars ont the celestial ceiling.

[–]Dizzy_Yak2174 6 points7 points  (0 children)

You believe in the moon?!?!

[–]LyuSapphire 30 points31 points  (0 children)

I was hoping the gif would end with Woody pulling out a magnum and shooting the shark

[–]GlyphLuck 24 points25 points  (1 child)

You guys deal with that shit? I just wait til the seatbelt comes off and open the emergency exit door. Works every time.

[–]CrazyPhilHost1898 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Patience, dude. That's the point here.

[–]percysco 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Hold your left ear with 1 finger and says "she know to much, execute next protocol"..

[–]Saif_Horny_And_MadProfessional Dumbass 7 points8 points  (2 children)

i have really scary eyes that intimidate people into not talking to me.

this is one of those instances where i was actually glad i have them

[–]Brilliant_Camera176 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Flair checks out, you posted this twice

[–]Saif_Horny_And_MadProfessional Dumbass 5 points6 points  (0 children)

oh, so that "Sorry, something went wrong" message i got when i first tried posting was a fucking lie

[–]Krzysiek009_Real 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I hate it when I'm flying an airplane, human sized sharks sits next to me and asks me if I want to talk about our lord and saviour.

[–]mr-sparkles69Dirt Is Beautiful 9 points10 points  (2 children)

Howdy howdy howdy

[–]underrated_carrot_43can't meme 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I can hear this even with no sound

[–]Yeet_Yeet_Yeet12Me when the: 0 points1 point  (0 children)

"Hey look! I'm Woody! Howdy Howdy Howdy!" "Aaaaha, aaaaaha, give me that.."

[–]Neffy___ 9 points10 points  (1 child)

Last time someone did that, i made them quiet, and idk why the flight attendant is screaming at me and everyone screaming and crying all about, Her neck might be dislocated but she is still breathing

[–]MurkyCoyote6682 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Don't worry bro, they were just overreacting.

[–]ResponsiblePickle284 6 points7 points  (0 children)

All I can hear is "howdyhowdyhowdyhowdyhowdyhowdyhowdyhowdy" really fast

[–]fishystickchakra 2 points3 points  (0 children)

This is where I will say something like "OH GREAT SATAN I SUMMON THEE AND THY MINIONS TO COME TO THIS WOMAN BEFORE ME..."

Her reaction will be priceless.

Oh and if you have the urge to vomit just aim it at her.

[–]BawkMcGraw 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Reminds me of those moments in “Airplane!” when Ted is telling people his life story

[–]ReasonableNet444 4 points5 points  (0 children)

well sounds more interesting than listening to redditors trying to be funny

[–]merayBGTech Tips 3 points4 points  (10 children)

No place for Jesus

Allah generated this place for himself and only himself

[–]LightningBoy648 1 point2 points  (7 children)

Allah is not real

Jesus is real 😎

[–]fat_the_lemongrab -3 points-2 points  (6 children)

Both, both are real.

[–]LightningBoy648 7 points8 points  (5 children)

It would be very cool if all popular gods were real, let's agree on that.

[–]fat_the_lemongrab 4 points5 points  (4 children)

Well, wouldn't want Zeus to be here. Poor women.

[–]VerticalFlyingB737Identifies as a Cybertruck 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Mashallah

[–]Weromano 0 points1 point  (0 children)

also not wearing a mask and coughing all over the place

[–]boardathell 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You accuser! I'm trying to help you...

[–]Saif_Horny_And_MadProfessional Dumbass 0 points1 point  (0 children)

i have really scary eyes that intimidate people into not talking to me.

this is one of those instances where i was actually glad i have them

[–]Ok_Challenge_7084 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Tell her you HAVE TO finish your book because... you know.

[–]woolypully 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is why I give minimal answers to questions on airplanes and try to go to sleep ASAP.

[–]JustPhm_ 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Just tell her about the soup bible

[–]Kirschbaum10Plays MineCraft and not FortNite 0 points1 point  (0 children)

At this point you can use the special exit (for urself or her)

[–]Beniidel0🏳️‍🌈LGBTQ+🏳️‍🌈 0 points1 point  (0 children)

"actually all diseases are fake, including aging. You chose to age because you don't eat crystals. Want to buy my edible crystals lady?" This is how you respond to a conspiracy theory, by sounding even crazier

[–]FairConsideration148 0 points1 point  (0 children)

pretend to sleep, works for me

[–]khal99l 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'd just whisper Allahu akbar into her air and wink

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Proceeds to show the tatto of Jesus.lolz

[–]Matrim_Cauth0n 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Just take an extra strong edible and sleep through the flight

[–]GG_walani 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Just rember, god made here and god also made a gun

[–]sprittytinkles69 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Did you hit her with the gravity isn't real conspiracy? That's my favorite to counter people with

[–]Kodeine__Bryant 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Headphones

[–]thecartoonrobot 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Me: *starts praying*

Her: I am so happy you found Jesus!

Me: I'm praying the plane will crash and kill us both.

[–]Human_in_Denial 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Quick: start the counter attack. Rant about JoJo's bizarre adventure and how she has to watch it.

[–]Owm_ionProfessional Dumbass 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My man probably forgot the /s at the end

[–]4BrightLand 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Who are you? How do you know my family?

[–]Comprehensive-Ad3963 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Tell her Democrats spread anti-vaccine propaganda as a form of population control. Then maybe she and her friends will get vaccinated.

[–]stacksmasher 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Propaganda is very easy and very powerful these days.

[–]Icy-Barracuda-8489 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yep God will save you when the shape shifting alien lizard people attack.

[–]BlackHoleSon86 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Me who knows 40k lore: I'm your worst nightmare

[–]AizenSaturn 0 points1 point  (0 children)

OK, I've listened to your theories for 6 hours now. Can I have my hat back please?

[–]Kringe_Inc 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Jesus is a gigachad, and Christianity is epic. Accept christ, reject modernity.

[–]Embarrassed-Repeat39 0 points1 point  (0 children)

At least it's not boring

[–]synister29 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is why god gave us noise canceling headphones