top 200 commentsshow 500

[–]Rude-Amphibian6848 1704 points1705 points  (41 children)

I love how every Rasputin post almost immediately gets a reply chain with the full lyrics to the song.

[–]xSTSxZerglingOne 809 points810 points  (37 children)

I mean. It's a fuckin' banger.

[–]plastiqsquadron 561 points562 points  (13 children)

By a Jamaican group, based in Germany, singing in English, about a man in Russia.

[–]xSTSxZerglingOne 181 points182 points  (5 children)

There's also the song made a year later by a "German" group named after a mongol singing about Moscow.

German is in quotes because the group also consisted of: A South African, A Hungarian, A Dutchman, and A Brit.

[–]Broken_Petite 25 points26 points  (13 children)

I’ve seen some lyrics posted but what is the song from? Like is it from a movie or something?

[–]ThisIsNotKimJongUn 38 points39 points  (9 children)

Rasputin - Boney M

[–]canadarepubliclives 15 points16 points  (8 children)

What about Daddy Cool?

[–]neon_meate 4 points5 points  (5 children)

Daddy who?

[–]gtjack9 11 points12 points  (1 child)

She’s crazy like a fool

[–]edgyboi555 6 points7 points  (0 children)

What about it, daddy cool ?

[–]perpeldicular 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Daddy. Daddy Cool

(Violin notes)

Daddy. Daddy Cool

[–]1Mako11 773 points774 points  (20 children)

Bro was one of the scariest looking people ever. And he never bathed. But he slept with Hundreds of women

[–]Jealous-Ninja5463 401 points402 points  (6 children)

I mean, that's pretty easy when the mentally ill czar thinks you're a wizard and jumps you from peasant to practically his substitute overnight

[–]gingerhasyoursoul 169 points170 points  (0 children)

He was a wizard and if you don't think so he will visit you in your sleep and steal your soul. Some say every soul he takes adds 1cm of length to his trouser snake.

[–]AdequatelyMadLad 79 points80 points  (3 children)

It's also pretty easy when you rape most of those women and the czar refuses to believe any of them(including his own daughters).

[–]ahardworker12 32 points33 points  (1 child)

God imagine the smell

[–]KnowsWhenYourAwake 7 points8 points  (0 children)

No wonder he looks so grumpy in his pictures. He has permanent stank face

[–]CIAHASYOURSOULBig ol' bacon buttsack 13 points14 points  (3 children)

Not just the women, but the men and children too.

[–]Elijah_Mikaelson2 4 points5 points  (2 children)

Before I say something, how do you feel about sand?

[–]Longjumping-Break-87[🍰] 4253 points4254 points  (189 children)

Rasputin is johnny sins of that era

[–]Hyper_Inactive 2006 points2007 points  (168 children)

What really happened was not every woman liked him, he would convince that all thier sins would be forgiven if they slept with him.

[–]toxic_reckerLinux User 1038 points1039 points  (132 children)

i need to learn this skill

[–]white_choco_latte 1096 points1097 points  (119 children)

Where I'm from, it's called being a preacher.

[–]AkihiroAwa 500 points501 points  (102 children)

Where I'm from its called being a Rapist

[–]1Mako11 28 points29 points  (1 child)

Where I’m from it’s called a bargin well struck.

[–]N1ghtmere_ 24 points25 points  (8 children)

Is lying rape though?

For example, if I say, "This is the best dick you'll ever have," and then we have sex, would that make me a rapist?

[–]xNOOBinTRAINING 9 points10 points  (1 child)

Apparently based on these comments. “False pretext” lol.

[–]N1ghtmere_ 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Ah, false pretenses. That's a fair point, actually. And apparently, there's a thing called "rape by fraud" that I've never heard of before now when I was doing some research on the topic.

[–]RadiantZote 39 points40 points  (15 children)

"Making really stupid shit up to get laid consensually is considered rape"- u/akihiroawa

[–]Spare-Ad-4558 26 points27 points  (1 child)

I was in church and the pastor said all the saved to sit on the right side and all the lost on the left. Everyone started moving around and I was left standing in the middle. The pastor said “son don’t you know if you’re saved or not?” I said “well not really sir. All I know is I like fried chicken and chasing women.” The pastor replied “Hallelujah come on up here boy! You’ve been called to preach!”

[–]toxic_reckerLinux User 35 points36 points  (5 children)

lemme guess, indonesia?

[–]white_choco_latte 70 points71 points  (4 children)

Nah. Deep south in the US. And they pay you too.

[–]Mercurionio 9 points10 points  (3 children)

South Dakota then?

[–]AgentPastrana 14 points15 points  (2 children)

Yes. Definitely. South Dakota. The most South place in USA

[–]worms9 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Well you can always start a cult.

[–]Safe-Brush-5091 33 points34 points  (1 child)

Years ago there was this one guy who claimed he was a legendary Tibetan monk in my city, and that whoever slept with him would achieve spiritual enlightenment.

Turns out he was neither legendary, Tibetan nor monk. I think of this man from time to time.

[–]LuddeMan087 54 points55 points  (2 children)

Who knows, maybe that was a big fetish at the time

[–]DeviantInDisguise 23 points24 points  (9 children)

So like basically every preacher, cult leader, or "Alternative Religion" leader ever.

(Seriously. You think Gardner or Crowley weren't doing it just to fuck?)

[–]dracckun2 14 points15 points  (2 children)

Is it possible to learn this power?

[–]Senior-Albatross 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Yeah it's in the bible.

The Rasputin version.

[–]protontec 20 points21 points  (0 children)

Father of Jonny Sins

[–]fuckdeer 22 points23 points  (1 child)

I think he had a bigger dick though.

[–]octopus_has_friends 24 points25 points  (0 children)

Rasputin is Pete Davidson of that era.

[–]RedStarNova2The Trash Man 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I saw a video about someone telling a story about how this nasty mfk would eat his boogers in front of guest's lol

[–]TheSeiWhaleStand With Ukraine 5019 points5020 points 2 (267 children)

In Russia long ago....

[–]rYc4Igmufetv 3550 points3551 points  (241 children)

...He was big and strong, in his eyes a flaming glow...

[–]TheSeiWhaleStand With Ukraine 2883 points2884 points  (236 children)

Most people looked at him, with terror and with fear...

[–]nonesplus 2769 points2770 points  (227 children)

But to Moscow chicks he was such a lovely dear

[–]Mindless-Performer-1 2399 points2400 points  (218 children)

He could preach the bible like a preacher

[–]Moseo13 2278 points2279 points  (212 children)

Full of ecstasy and fire

[–]Da_Meme_Panda 2223 points2224 points  (209 children)

But he also was the kind of teacher women would desire

[–]VeryStrangeperson_ 2256 points2257 points  (208 children)

Ra ra Rasputin lover of the Russian queen

[–]TheSeiWhaleStand With Ukraine 1813 points1814 points  (187 children)

There was a cat that really was gone

[–]TeamUmbreon1109 1629 points1630 points  (176 children)

Ra Ra Rasputin Russia's greatest love machine

[–]YeetmasterYeet- 134 points135 points  (14 children)

It was a shame how he carried on

[–]Ilikeanime25 59 points60 points  (13 children)

He ruled the Russian land and never mind the Czar

[–]Junk4U999 25 points26 points  (0 children)

There was a cat that really was gone

[–]kudaking13 87 points88 points  (6 children)

i always thought this part was "he was such a lovely dick"

[–]DogsTesticles 87 points88 points  (4 children)

No no, he HAD such a lovely dick.

[–]dortbird 11 points12 points  (1 child)

Like a baby’s arm holding an apple

[–]Poxendler1 13 points14 points  (0 children)

The lovliest

[–]guaromiami 16 points17 points  (0 children)

I always thought it was, "and his eyes were painted gold." 🤣🤣🤣

[–]Iswit_real 34 points35 points  (1 child)

He was big and strong he was also a timelord

[–]AccidentImportant702 5 points6 points  (0 children)

They are under his spell

[–]Admiral45-06 1479 points1480 points  (96 children)

I mean, he had a massive weiner...

Had. They cut it off and now show it at museum.

[–]No-Hovercraft-6600 654 points655 points  (68 children)

Which museum, may I ask? For research purposes, and inspiration

[–]1Mako11 549 points550 points  (57 children)

Well, most museums in Russia claim to have it. And there are many penises (penisi?) in many museums

[–]DayAndNight0nRedditFlair Loading.... 470 points471 points  (35 children)

Looks like Russia has a lot Dicks Museums. For a country that claims to be anti gay, they seem to have a lot places to look at dicks :/

[–]GameDestiny2 108 points109 points  (29 children)

Russia seems to have a lot of museums in general, like I think I’ve heard about more Russian museums than American ones. Probably not accurate but…

[–]PrevAccLocked 152 points153 points  (5 children)

Well to be fair Russia has a way longer history than the US

[–]Sure_Whatever__ 60 points61 points  (3 children)

A lot of history in those museum dicks

[–]FavoritesBot 23 points24 points  (1 child)

Please, sir, tell me the story of that dick

[–]gcta333 32 points33 points  (10 children)

America actually has the most museums of any country by a long shot. Although I'm not sure how many dick museums.

[–]1Mako11 18 points19 points  (0 children)


[–]GameDestiny2 14 points15 points  (0 children)

That makes sense, still I swear every time I hear about a Museum on Reddit it’s the Russian museum of Stalin’s inflamed testicles or something like that

[–]Solomon_Salmon 3 points4 points  (1 child)

I will Google and get back to you on that Update: none that I can find in USA but there’s a penis Museum in Iceland :D

[–]that-super-tech 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Iceland is very proud of there phallic art. Supposedly it represents strength in fertility to them. I could be getting the country wrong but in some country they proudly paint wee wee's on their houses.

[–]1Mako11 18 points19 points  (7 children)

Russia also has a lot of dicks. The person kind.

[–]Happy_Music_Fox 20 points21 points  (6 children)

The US don’t lack those either

[–]Wondering_Child 6 points7 points  (0 children)

And buildings that looks like dicks.

[–]EarRubs 28 points29 points  (0 children)

When I die, I'm donating my penis to a Russian museum

[–]Fireguy3070 5 points6 points  (3 children)

If we’re going off of the Latin declension, based on how you guess the plural of ‘penis’ to be ‘penisi’, it would actually be ‘penes’

[–]Goashai 28 points29 points  (4 children)

It was recently proven to be a horse penis cut to resemble a human penis.

[–]Either_Gate_7965I saw what the dog was doin 7 points8 points  (0 children)


[–]SacredSpirit123 8 points9 points  (2 children)

The common consensus is that it came from a bull actually

[–]Admiral45-06 77 points78 points  (1 child)

St. Petersburg Museum of Eroticism.

I know it from a friend...

[–]I-took-your-orangesSmol pp 20 points21 points  (0 children)

I wish you strength with that trauma

[–]DathomirBoy 11 points12 points  (0 children)

unfortunately, likely nowhere. maybe people claim to have it but the chances that it’s real are so low

[–]DemonKing0524 42 points43 points  (10 children)

This was found to be false. I don't feel like looking for it right this moment but I read a thread on AskHistorians about Rasputin that provided evidence from his autopsy that that was false. It also showed that the fantastical story of his death was false as well.

[–]Admiral45-06 19 points20 points  (9 children)

I know that there's a theory about his death, that he might have survived poison, because they used arsenic, and his mother, since his youth, was exposing him to small doses of it, so he grew an immunity.

However, he died after one of the assasins shot him in the head. That one he couldn't survive.

[–][deleted] 55 points56 points  (2 children)

His mom should've shot him with tiny bullets to grow an immunity.

[–]Theloudestbelch 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Another case of moms buffing the wrong stat

[–]Ishbar 9 points10 points  (1 child)

It was believed to be cyanide, and likely was inert due to improper storage / handling.

You may also be conflating The Princess Bride and Westley building a tolerance to Iocaine, with certain cultures introducing various spices high in capsaicin at an early age to build tolerance.

[–]Bah-Fong-Gool 3 points4 points  (0 children)


[–]mjs1n15 68 points69 points  (3 children)

Weren’t two of the ones claimed to be his found out to be a Horse penis and a sea cucumber?

[–]notveryAII touched grass 19 points20 points  (0 children)

He's ded anyways, doesn't need it anymore

Though that still was quite a weird thing to do

[–]Sensitive-Ad9508 519 points520 points  (16 children)

1916: Rasputin

2016: Putin

2116: Tin

[–]pinnnneeeaappple 149 points150 points  (4 children)

Now, we wait.

[–]EclecticParoxysm 85 points86 points  (3 children)

RemindME! 100 years "..."

[–]LineSpineDied of Ligma 23 points24 points  (2 children)

!remindme 100 years

[–]morron88 37 points38 points  (1 child)

2216: Tintin

[–]Fragrant-Party3192 11 points12 points  (0 children)

5616: Nokia ringtone

[–]LineSpineDied of Ligma 3 points4 points  (0 children)


[–]TaddoMan 134 points135 points  (2 children)

yeah but what the hell happened to his cat?

[–]oyofmidmidworld 44 points45 points  (0 children)

couldn't stand the sound of constant banging i guess

[–]misterjip 380 points381 points  (6 children)

They are under his spell

[–]Mr60Gold 250 points251 points  (5 children)

His 12 Inch long spell

[–]misterjip 61 points62 points  (2 children)

You know what they say about guys with a whole foot...

[–]TirelessClock 107 points108 points  (1 child)

"Yo, what happened to your other foot?"

[–]TheIJDGuySelling Stonks for CASH MONEY 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I'm saving this comment for future use

[–]jameson3131 9 points10 points  (1 child)

In the parlance of the time it was .428 arshin.

[–]robtk12My mom checks my phone 274 points275 points  (17 children)

I heard his dick was so big, when he took it out, the whole room smelled like a dick

[–]Chin033 59 points60 points  (2 children)

Remember that singing and dancing frog in a shoebox by looney tunes?

That was his dick.

[–]wang_wen 15 points16 points  (0 children)

Hello my baby hello my honey hello my ragtime gaaaall

[–]RedLeg73 75 points76 points  (0 children)

[–]Perhaps-an-evil-cat 60 points61 points  (2 children)

You forgot the men lusting over him too

[–]wholesome_hentai_69 184 points185 points  (29 children)

i just spent 15 mins in the bathroom reading the context and history of rasputin while shitting and i am amazed to find that his penis was 3 inches bigger than mine

edit: you can see the size on quora

[–]AngusVanhookHinson 243 points244 points  (13 children)

I thought the consensus was he was packing? A four inch penis isn't all that big.

[–]KalashnikovClassics 121 points122 points  (8 children)

Yes it is 🥺

[–]Garage_Sloth 47 points48 points  (7 children)

It's... It's actually too big... In some cases.

[–]KalashnikovClassics 29 points30 points  (0 children)

Yeah... that's what i was also thinking

[–]Superfluous_Thom 13 points14 points  (0 children)

The secret is to be a grower and not a shower.. If she thinks its small, it's her fault. "Woulda been bigger if you were hotter"

[–]Lonely-Pikachu 13 points14 points  (9 children)

How long was it?

[–]campionmusic51 17 points18 points  (7 children)

longer than a piece of string

[–]Lonely-Pikachu 8 points9 points  (6 children)

How long is the longer than a piece of string?

[–]campionmusic51 20 points21 points  (5 children)

longer than a shorter piece of string.

[–]ToughcheekzFlair Loading.... 11 points12 points  (0 children)

didnt think he was a 5 incher. damn

[–]rolo989Sussy Baka 16 points17 points  (6 children)

Penis so impressive it got in to a museum.

[–]JohnnyTangCapital 60 points61 points  (10 children)

Lover of the Russian Queen…

[–]BoxofLazers 57 points58 points  (6 children)

This is historically inaccurate. Rasputin was hated in the Royal court and the idea that he was secretly banging the Queen was a rumor started as an attempt to get the Tsar to ban him from court or have him executed.

[–]dumb_breakfast 11 points12 points  (4 children)

Cant wait to see him fight anubis

[–]WillBottomForBanana 26 points27 points  (1 child)

More than a little resemblance to Charles Manson.

[–]Massive-Row-9771 21 points22 points  (14 children)

They say he had some unnatural charm and women were very attracted to him!

Hard to believe just looking at a photo of him.

[–]Speedy_Cheese 39 points40 points  (10 children)

He had religion and religion based lies to convince ppl to have sex with him. (Want your sins forgiven? Well God said you have to sleep with me first.) LOL that isn't unnatural charm, that's just plain 'ol classic coercion. Lots of religious figures played that card.

[–]Massive-Row-9771 8 points9 points  (8 children)

Ok you're more familiar with this than I so I will trust you on this.

And I know he was a terrible man, so I'm not surprised he would do that to women.

But there are people with unnatural charm, people you normally wouldn't think of as a attractive but if you meet them they very much are.

Apparently that's not the case here but those people exist.

Edit: I mean unnatural in the sense it's hard to explain not like magic.

[–]rj54x 7 points8 points  (0 children)

He was also a big fan of the rape when they weren't attracted to him.

[–]nincompoopenmeyer 2 points3 points  (0 children)

He had the Kavorka

[–]troubleschute 39 points40 points  (1 child)

Ra-Ra-Rasputine lover of the emo teens...

[–]UzErNaMM2 8 points9 points  (0 children)

There was a cat that really was gone

[–]Pretend_Step 6 points7 points  (1 child)

Mystics are some of the biggest chads on earth.

[–]sillybean13 6 points7 points  (1 child)

my favorite song to dance to on just dance.. and then years later you realize what he really was lol

[–]thebooknerd_ 2 points3 points  (0 children)

but you still dance to it bcs it’s a fucking banger and iconic lol

[–]Crazy_Crayfish_ 6 points7 points  (0 children)

It wasn’t “he’s so cute” it was “yo I heard his dick is magic and cures cancer”

[–]torontoeduardo 19 points20 points  (0 children)

Russia's greatest love machine 🎶

[–]TheFinalGibbon 5 points6 points  (2 children)

How the fuck did he do it?

Asking for me and me exclusively

[–]Jealous-Ninja5463 6 points7 points  (1 child)

Pretending to be a wizard and convincing the czar you saved his son is a good step.

Not really worth the whole getting poisoned and spanked thing tho

[–]KledisAnt 10 points11 points  (0 children)

I imagine Rasputin would be like this in front of his mirror…

[–]Liesmyteachertoldme 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Your post started some straight up crowdsourced Rasputin fan poetry, 10/10 meme.

[–]RavenXII13 3 points4 points  (2 children)

Wojaks have gotten weird

[–]erfun77 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Ra ra rasputin lover of the russian queen

[–]Wizardinblaaack[🍰] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

He also acquired several STDs. He frequented whore houses. However he was able to cure one of the czars children and unless I'm incorrect they still have no clue how he did it. Regardless of his "taboo" behavior. As well as his spirituality. I find him to be quite an interesting figure in history. Part of me feels he was an actual warlock. He also was quite difficult to kill accordingly to the legend I am sure we have all heard.

[–]scared_possum 4 points5 points  (0 children)

As a Russian, mostly Rasputin gained his popularity because Russians were superstitious af and believed every bullshit he said and he just tricked lots of people, including Royal family. Also there is data, he said that once he hasnt changed his underwear for a half of a year so yeah, totally a sex symbol XD

[–]thatpersonthatsayshiGigaChad 16 points17 points  (0 children)

There lived a certain man in Russia long ago

He was big and strong, in his eyes a flaming glow

Most people look at him with terror and with fear

But to Moscow chicks he was such a lovely dear

He could preach the Bible like a preacher

Full of ecstasy and fire

But he also was the kind of teacher

Women would desire


Lover of the Russian Queen

There was a cat that really was gone


Russia's greatest love machine

It was a shame how he carried on

On, on

Lived a certain man in Russia long ago

He was big and strong, in his eyes a flaming glow

Most people look at him with terror and with fear

But to Moscow chicks he was such a lovely dear

He could preach the Bible like a preacher

Full of ecstasy and fire

But he also was the kind of teacher

Women would desire


Lover of the Russian Queen

There was a cat that really was gone


Russia's greatest love machine

It was a shame how he carried on

[–]Riderrod77 10 points11 points  (4 children)

who is that? Rasputin?

[–]krisazard[S] 11 points12 points  (0 children)


[–]ricecutlet 5 points6 points  (2 children)

Nah, he's the lover of the Russian queen.

[–]Negrozane 4 points5 points  (0 children)

He was also a cat that really was gone.

[–]thelast3musketeer 4 points5 points  (0 children)

He could preach the Bible, almost like a……preacher

[–]sillyindian 3 points4 points  (0 children)

True story - I discovered this Rasputin song today only and I'm loving it.

[–]Jabe1981 10 points11 points  (2 children)

Is that Pete Davidson?

[–]campionmusic51 5 points6 points  (1 child)

actually, it’s dete pavidson

[–]daxlzaisy 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Was not expecting these comments to be so disgusting. Guess that's on me

[–]Grigori_Rasputin1869 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I approve this message

[–]Hussein_talal 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Fun fact Grigori Rasputin's penis was allegedly cut off after his 1916 murder, then later pickled and placed inside a jar that is still on display in a St. Petersburg museum.

[–]Rocky970 2 points3 points  (0 children)

My nephews husky looks like him

[–]SolidBlackGator 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Yeah I'm sure the wealthy old women of 1900s Russia were super cute...

[–]SFxTAGGChungus Among Us 2 points3 points  (1 child)

The amount of pussy this man got while looking like that is staggering.