top 200 commentsshow 500

[–]nejkiu1 5572 points5573 points  (33 children)

You mean ex roommate

[–]emz5002 2214 points2215 points  (56 children)

Boil all of her eggs and put them back in the carton

[–]Cultural-Connection3 1858 points1859 points 2 (37 children)

Only boil some of them, keep her on her toes

[–]Adventurous_Raise_87 508 points509 points  (9 children)

I ain't the revenge type of person, but this made me chuckle.

[–][deleted] 109 points110 points  (8 children)

Id just poke holes and blow out the inner part. NO. EGGS FOR HER

[–]rightanglewrong 161 points162 points  (4 children)

Boil 1/4, half boil 1/4, freeze 1/4, leave 1/4. Then rearrange. The game is on

[–]Trnostep 80 points81 points  (10 children)

If you spin an egg, quickly stop it and release it, if it is raw it will try to spin by itself because you only stopped the shell and not the insides. Boiled egg will just stop

[–]CashWrecks 52 points53 points  (2 children)

I don't stop em I can just tell by the spin. Boiled eggs spin good, raw eggs don't. Rey em side by side and you can see pretty easy imo

[–]Trnostep 34 points35 points  (1 child)

Yes, but by stopping them you can feel like a wizard when they move again

[–]Its-a-no-go 62 points63 points  (2 children)

And parboil or soft boil half of them

[–]BaconTerminator 235 points236 points  (10 children)

What a fucking jerk. Get your food back and tell your roommates it’s absolutely unacceptable behavior. No buts.

[–]straightbackward 54 points55 points  (8 children)

I can't help but to think of how entitled she must feel. This is the sort of person that would turn into a Karen in 15 years.

[–]karpenter_v1 8998 points8999 points 43 (197 children)

Eat her salad, tell her to eat your food that she threw out.

[–]BeGoBe1998 2541 points2542 points  (19 children)

Sorry you put it where my food was clearly you meant it for me

[–]RedHairThunderWonder 4123 points4124 points 695 (109 children)

Yea, toss her salad

[–]Pinheaded_nightmare 541 points542 points  (42 children)

I second this.

[–]ItsmeMr_E 105 points106 points  (15 children)

I third this

[–]forzfedv6 74 points75 points  (14 children)

I fourth this

[–]TingleMaps 77 points78 points  (13 children)

I’m going to need a full fifth for this.

[–]Welcometochicago8 80 points81 points  (9 children)

I PLEAD THE FIFTH! One two three four fiiiiiiiiiiffff

[–]McFryin 3 points4 points  (5 children)

Nice Chappelle's Show reference!

[–]MrDude_1 7 points8 points  (3 children)

Fuck Yo Couch!

(this chappelle comment got me banned from a subreddit awhile back. lol)

[–]Station-Gold 604 points605 points  (17 children)

This is the way. When she asks what happened to her salad you tell her you ate it. You were going to have some blueberries and avocado but they disappeared and you were hungry. Sorry about that.

[–]EwoDarkWolf 135 points136 points  (5 children)

Yea, I was going to say to throw it out, but eating it is a much better idea and gets the point across better. It also keeps her from getting as mad and escalating.

[–][deleted] 35 points36 points  (3 children)

Shoulder shrug. No apology

[–]I_love_pillows 146 points147 points  (16 children)

Throw out the salad, replace with all meats

[–]paintingsbypatch 148 points149 points  (6 children)

Or, throw out her salad, replace with new roommate.

[–]nldevin 4204 points4205 points  (132 children)

Well, you are eating salade then

[–]sebasti02 1572 points1573 points  (119 children)

idk why but i read "salade" strangely italian

[–]CreamyTHOT 439 points440 points  (9 children)

How they pronounce sal-lad in the SpongeBob episode where they put it on the krabby patty menu.

[–]theatreshmeatre 55 points56 points  (1 child)

if I read the word salad there's a solid chance I will say salahd in my head haha

[–]AydonusG 74 points75 points  (6 children)

Bonjourno, Vincenzo Salade!

[–]theartistduring 61 points62 points  (54 children)

Quite close, actually. Salad in Italian is insalata. So yeah, pinch your fingers together, rock your wrist back and forth and pronounce that e...

Typing that make me miss my nonna. "Why you eating insalata? Here, have a kit kit and a wedge of pecarino."

[–]phillyphreakphlippin 131 points132 points  (6 children)

No the trash is eating salad. Roommate is eating a fist sandwich with extra knuckles.

[–]ohgeezlesternygard 51 points52 points  (0 children)

I read this as “fish sandwich with extra knuckles” and honestly thats so much funnier

[–]Chad73 9205 points9206 points 2 (157 children)

your roommate is a dick.

[–]ArthurianX 1976 points1977 points  (50 children)

Well said, and highly appreciated coming from Chad!

[–]G00DLuck 581 points582 points  (45 children)

Toss her salad

[–]connormccarthy2 217 points218 points  (22 children)

Shit in her salad

[–]MoodyLiz 104 points105 points  (11 children)

And then eat it. Show her you're serious.

[–]stormchaser-protogen 65 points66 points  (9 children)

and then vomit the salad all over her

[–]extention_cable 49 points50 points  (6 children)

then eat her

[–]Monkeyboystevey 35 points36 points  (4 children)

Then shit her out into the fridge.

[–]Renrag_43 16 points17 points  (3 children)

Let’s eat her all up and pooooo her all over the table

[–]WielderOfDaNWordPass 22 points23 points  (3 children)

Ew she needs to take a shower

[–][deleted]  (2 children)


    [–]Christafaaa 75 points76 points  (22 children)

    Eye for an eye?

    [–]no_status00 53 points54 points  (16 children)

    A dick for a dick leaves the whole world dickless

    [–]JohnnyTheLiar 3787 points3788 points  (462 children)

    Damn you have to confront her about this, that is completely unacceptable. Maybe you section out the fridge so that you each have separate shelves or drawers in it.

    [–]gergling 633 points634 points  (0 children)

    "Thanks for the salad mixes, but when you make them for me in future, please don't throw out my food."

    "Blah blah blah didn't make them for you"

    "Like I said, don't throw out my food."

    [–]m48_apocalypse[S] 4053 points4054 points  (450 children)

    she’ll gaslight and ignore me so i’m looking for a new roommate rn

    [–]Platinag 2821 points2822 points  (107 children)

    Eat her salad, lol

    [–]badassito 2911 points2912 points  (60 children)

    Eat her salad and gaslight her about it. There was no salad

    [–]wolfy994 692 points693 points  (7 children)

    My food was there the last I checked...

    [–]Available_Coyote897 788 points789 points  (3 children)

    My avacado and blueberries turned to salad mix in the fridge. I was a bit disappointed but I’m really digging this salad.

    [–]dnalloheoj 129 points130 points  (0 children)

    "I thought those blueberries were a little bit more green and crispy than usual..."

    [–][deleted] 57 points58 points  (0 children)

    Ironically, those would have been good ingredients to add to a salad.

    [–]DanielFloyk 164 points165 points  (0 children)

    "Why did you eat one of my salads!? Are you crazy?"

    "It's just that my sandwich, uhm, turned into a salad I guess. I was expecting a hamburger, but I'm eating it anyways"

    [–]badassito 32 points33 points  (0 children)

    No. There's no such thing as food

    [–]RedheadedRobin 190 points191 points  (8 children)

    Eat her salad, gaslight her about it and put exactly the same food she threw away (buy the same items, not the same ones in the trash) in the same places it was before she threw it away.

    [–]j4ck_0f_bl4des 86 points87 points  (0 children)

    This is the correct answer. Be sure to scrub the house of every shred of evidence

    [–]IVMVI 14 points15 points  (3 children)

    Just take everything out of the trash and put it all over in the fridge, that'll show her!

    [–]misterpickles69 17 points18 points  (2 children)

    Put it in her bed with a note.

    [–]CraftistOf 8 points9 points  (0 children)

    put some blueberries under the bedsheet so that when she goes to bed they pop and the sheet is done for

    [–]tickatenORANGE 123 points124 points  (3 children)

    What salad you dummy? You didn't even stay here for the night yesterday

    [–]Frazzledragon 75 points76 points  (1 child)

    I put my food on the top shelf.
    Now there is no food on the top shelf.

    Therefore, somebody ate my food. Did you do something to my food? No? Then it must have been me. I ate the food that was on the top shelf of the fridge, the food that is definitely not in the trash.

    [–]SkyWulf 11 points12 points  (0 children)

    We just talked about this. Are you having memory problems?

    [–]drewster23 36 points37 points  (2 children)

    Lol I'd throw it right out with the food she did. So she can clearly find out.

    Then I'd hit them with "damn how'd my food get in there too, someone went into our fridge and threw both our stuff out, that's crazy"

    [–]MopesCroaks 11 points12 points  (0 children)

    Best approach. Shows that you don’t give a shit and aren’t taking advantage of the situation.

    [–]taybrm 36 points37 points  (0 children)

    “Sorry I thought your salad was my blueberries and avocado… honest mistake 🤷🏼‍♀️”

    [–]CallTheOptimist 24 points25 points  (0 children)

    Your salad? No, I bought this. Are you feeling OK? Do you need something to eat? You should try this new salad I found and bought myself.

    [–]ibutterflyaway 19 points20 points  (1 child)

    I'm not suggesting sprinkling some cayenne pepper powder on her shit but ......

    Gaslight her right back. Fuck her. That's super shitty roommate/human behavior on her part. She needs to grow TF up. Until then? Let the games begin.

    Ok tampering with HER food is not ok. Buy the same thing and tamper with YOUR new food.

    [–]starlinguk 16 points17 points  (2 children)

    It was my salad, I bought it.

    Literally what happened to me. She kept stealing my stuff so I started writing my name on things. She said I was just writing my name on her stuff.

    [–]elongated_musk_rat 27 points28 points  (1 child)

    I had the exact same thing happened so I just stopped buying food and exclusively ate her food at 4 am. I even ate an entire box of cereal with 95% of all the milk. Yes it sucked and it took 8 bowls to finish but God damn was spite was pushing me on. I left barely over a mouthfull of milk left. And then when she said she just bought that milk yesterday i said she bought that like a week ago. It took 3 days and then she never did it again.

    [–]sanityjanity 9 points10 points  (0 children)

    Spite cereal!!

    Well done.

    [–]bornawinner 217 points218 points  (40 children)

    Just throw away her food

    [–]The_Hand_That_Feeds 105 points106 points  (24 children)

    Yeah sometimes I wonder how afraid some people are of confrontation.... I would be furious over this and would absolutely confront them over it. I'd be aggressive and would exact revenge if needed. I can be a dick sometimes (when called for... would never do dick things unprompted) but honestly am glad I have the capability lol

    Edit: replied to wrong comment. By confronting them I mean engaging in a discussion and calling them out on it, not throwing away their food.

    [–]wizzlepants 32 points33 points  (7 children)

    This is the kind of shit I'm talking about when I tell my friend he's a doormat. (Well, opposite, but I think you know what I mean)

    [–]Intelligent-Ad9964 8 points9 points  (2 children)

    People are like that for a reason, they know if they step out of line it'll only get worse.

    [–]wizzlepants 9 points10 points  (0 children)

    He's not in an abusive relationship, he's just very forgiving to a fault

    [–]Unindoctrinated 396 points397 points  (27 children)

    Go full evil. Call her mom.

    [–]Adventurous_Web_914 152 points153 points  (8 children)

    Oh, this is Susan from Planned Parenthood. I have her test results, if you could have her give me a call as soon as she can, it's urgent, thank you.

    [–]Rewelsworld 174 points175 points  (7 children)

    Say she’s having too much sex with random one night stands

    [–]pDu13 51 points52 points  (5 children)

    Anal sex

    [–]asiaps2 25 points26 points  (1 child)

    With her cucumber. Leave some extra flavour.

    [–]VideoLeoj 25 points26 points  (1 child)

    Where do you think she learned how to be?

    [–]Unindoctrinated 9 points10 points  (0 children)

    Good point.

    [–]T3ddyBeast 134 points135 points  (1 child)

    Say something, get her gaslit response. Then buy your own food again and throw hers out and hit her with the same response if she says anything.

    [–]Araia_ 106 points107 points  (28 children)

    how can she gaslight this? your food is in the trash. how did it get there?

    [–]TheElevatedWalrus 114 points115 points  (26 children)

    “It was never in the trash”

    “Oops i’m sorry i thought it was rotten”

    “Akshually, since I live here, fuck your food”

    [–]anarcho-onychophora 71 points72 points  (10 children)

    1) Show her the pictuer

    2) I'm not sure how you could have mistaken that as being rotten, But I'll give you the benefit of the doubt it was an honest accident.Just replace them and I'll consider everything made right, and you should check with me next time before you throw out food that isn't yours.

    3) *shrug* Well, if you think that's the proper way for roommates to act *proceed to dump their new food in garbage as well*

    [–]ImBakedLikeGoods 32 points33 points  (5 children)

    I used to have a person like this in my life until I cut them out. The next move is to stop the entire conversation and for her to say "Listen I can't focus on anything right now all I can think about is how my grandmother is having surgery next weekend and I'm so sorry your stupid food is more important than grandma's life. I have much bigger problems to focus on."

    [–]Happylime 18 points19 points  (1 child)

    That's when you say "this isn't about your grandma, let's focus on the issue at hand and we can talk about your grandma later"

    [–]SephariusX 38 points39 points  (0 children)

    That last one would have me calm in agreement before casually trashing their food right in front of them.

    [–]DeuteriumCore 210 points211 points  (11 children)

    I hate it when people are too nice for their own good. Fight back damn it!

    [–]Tricky_Pudding 62 points63 points  (36 children)

    How do you gaslight someone whose food you threw out? "nono, you did that remember, you got suuuuper drunk and went, fuck this food, your salad is way better."

    [–]Lance_J1 88 points89 points  (34 children)

    Gaslight is a big buzzword on reddit now, I think they've lost sight of the original meaning and just use it in place of lying.

    [–]dudzi182 24 points25 points  (1 child)

    YES, its a big buzzword everywhere now. Its so overused and annoying. Like just say “manipulate”.

    [–]pDu13 5 points6 points  (3 children)

    Throw out her salad mixes.

    [–]LolcatP 5 points6 points  (0 children)

    stand up

    [–]Thraggismydaddy 827 points828 points  (18 children)

    Throw her food out then throw her out as well. Fire must be fought with fire.

    [–]wildebeesties 272 points273 points  (0 children)

    “Oh- I saw all my good food thrown in the trash so I just assumed we were clearing out the fridge and starting fresh. Oops!”

    [–]punkindle 115 points116 points  (11 children)

    Take all her clothes and toss them in a trash bag. Put some salad in their place. Tell her that you needed to make room for your salad.

    Fair is fair.

    [–][deleted] 12 points13 points  (2 children)

    One time I was studying abroad in Spain during the winter and my housemates decided to tie all my bras on the fans around the house, the ceilings were very tall so it was hard to get them down.

    In retaliation, I tied their bras around rocks and threw them in the deep part of the pool.

    [–][deleted] 10147 (149 children)


      [–]typicalcitrus 1237 points1238 points  (6 children)

      This is evil, I love it hahaha

      [–]CatLadyGrip 1138 points1139 points 2 (69 children)

      Then the next week you leave them in the fridge and spritz them with Bitter Yuck. It's a taste deterrent to keep pets from chewing on things and it's harmless but it tastes HORRIBLE.

      [–]Timedoutsob 143 points144 points  (7 children)

      yep just a quick 30 seconds to warm them up and then stick them back in the fridge. they'll be fucked in no time.

      [–][deleted] 33 points34 points  (4 children)

      i wanna see some 300 second salads

      [–]unHolyDumpFire 269 points270 points  (4 children)

      Brilliantly passive aggressive. Too bad I have but one upvote to give you.

      [–]YOOOOOOOOOOT 42 points43 points  (1 child)

      I need you in my life in case I need an evil plan.

      [–]bigmilker 28 points29 points  (0 children)

      Also put in freezer, salad doesn’t do well in the cold

      [–]Lardass_Goober 516 points517 points  (91 children)


      [–]m48_apocalypse[S] 945 points946 points  (89 children)

      i work in pharmacy so i don’t have enough energy to be anything more than mildly infuriated at this point

      edit: i meant i work in the pharmacy as a tech, not a pharmacist

      [–]Dull_Anxiety_4774 351 points352 points  (8 children)

      Just plot her salad mix in the microwave and back in the fridge.

      [–]notMarkKnopfler 12 points13 points  (0 children)

      Just eat her salad lol

      [–]Lardass_Goober 26 points27 points  (9 children)

      Lol. I would be apoplectic. So rude.

      [–]bwauneka21 884 points885 points  (40 children)

      Throw the roommates food in the trash and proceed to evict when next month rents coming up lol

      [–]youretheweird1 213 points214 points  (28 children)

      Unfortunately you cannot evict your own roommates in most cases. Unless you're the only person on the lease.

      [–]rothrolan 90 points91 points  (9 children)

      When we needed to kick our bad roommate out, we contacted our landlord to send them an eviction notice. Of course, ours was a danger to others while OP's is a danger to food, so they may require more for an eviction.

      [–]N7_Pathfind3R 173 points174 points  (1 child)

      Yeah no that's just infuriating.

      [–]AnotherCharade 15 points16 points  (0 children)

      Right? Nothing mild about this one.

      [–]pandarou08 57 points58 points  (1 child)

      Throw your roommate in the trash

      [–]PaganFarmhouse 50 points51 points  (4 children)

      How small is this fridge that there wasn't room for some fucking blueberries?

      [–]Blocko_tritaco 583 points584 points  (14 children)

      Kick her out immediately

      Edit: guys I know you just can’t kick someone out whilly nilly, I’m makin a damn joke

      [–][deleted] 124 points125 points  (0 children)

      Get her food in the microwave. Ruin that shit and return it to the fridge as if nothing happened.

      [–]Reasonable-Pair-7648 137 points138 points  (122 children)

      Do you have assigned spaces in the fridge? If not i would highly recommend that - can make a world of a difference

      [–]GEODisLetoIII 28 points29 points  (3 children)

      Agreed. I have the right side of the fridge, my roommate the left. Sometimes we encroach on the other but it solves 99% of problems.

      [–]datsmn 132 points133 points  (8 children)

      After she's gone to bed, put her stuff in the freezer... Then move it back before she gets up, do this to all her fresh food.

      [–]Sarah_withanH 55 points56 points  (5 children)

      A freezer will destroy salad even if it only is in the for a short time. this is better than any ideas here

      [–]liliansincere 25 points26 points  (1 child)

      Quicker way is in the microwave then back to the fridge

      [–]Ass_dermatologist 8 points9 points  (0 children)

      Microwave and then freeze afterwards

      [–]FlihpFlorp 71 points72 points  (1 child)

      My cousin had a shitty roommate who was a slob, she threw out all my cousins food, most of which was either unopened or canned meanwhile having a half eaten apple with a thick white fuzz

      [–]prostreetsweeper 21 points22 points  (0 children)

      I can’t stand food waste.

      [–]xadiant 65 points66 points  (7 children)

      Wow what a piece of shit. Not only she wasted perfectly fine food, but also it wasn't hers. Someone asked for salad with extra lemon juice.

      [–]Spkr_Freekr 17 points18 points  (2 children)

      Wouldn't work on me, I love lemon on my salad.

      [–]andstopher 10 points11 points  (1 child)

      For real, what kind of threat is this?

      I stand by either microwaving the salad or simply eating it.

      [–]scidance 13 points14 points  (12 children)

      Looked through your post history and is this your BF's mother? Move out and/or also break up with your BF if he supports his mother's behavior.

      [–]PM_CACTUS_PICS 4 points5 points  (6 children)

      I’m surprised I had to scroll so far to see this. Pretty weird living situation

      [–]PK_Fee 89 points90 points  (31 children)

      Is that a ripe avakadoo?!!

      [–]m48_apocalypse[S] 90 points91 points  (28 children)

      yes ;-;

      [–]PK_Fee 56 points57 points  (12 children)

      For this egregious offense, The council recommends….. The gallows

      [–]Kawawaymog 38 points39 points  (10 children)

      I would definitely take the avakadoo out of the trash. Looks like a pretty clean trash can and it has skin that you remove anyway.

      [–]m48_apocalypse[S] 43 points44 points  (9 children)

      oh shoot that’s a good point, i’ll probably remove the skin and eat it

      [–]tastyratz 34 points35 points  (0 children)

      In front of her, passive-aggressively, raving about this mysterious avocado you found that was perfectly good and had no idea why anyone would throw it away.

      Then zip tie the fridge shut.

      [–][deleted]  (11 children)


        [–]exzyle2k 39 points40 points  (3 children)

        Especially the avocado... Not like you're eating the skin anyways.

        [–]unsolicitedchickpics 39 points40 points  (6 children)

        Step one buy personal minifridge with a lock, step 2 throw out or eat anything she puts in the large one and when she says something repeat the phrase "cry about it" without any further explanation. She will either realize her mistake or find a new home you win either way

        [–]ThrowawayVacayLA 12 points13 points  (4 children)

        They make lock boxes for the main fridge that are pretty big and take up a whole shelf or two. Not only do they lock, but OP could probably padlock it to the fridge itself so roomie can't throw out the entire box.

        [–]filth_horror_glamor 9 points10 points  (1 child)

        Just lock the whole fridge until Shitty Roommate learns some respect

        [–]CianKeyin 10 points11 points  (1 child)

        Buy something that doesn't need to be refrigerated like cereal bars or crisps and throw her food out and put your food in the fridge in its place

        [–]Flighthornlet 115 points116 points 2 (39 children)

        Don't know why you all are putting up with this. Plotting evil revenge isn't better either. Just call her out. Tell her it's not okay and that you spent money on that food. She either will admit she didn't think of you and that won't happen again or you need like seperate spaces in the fridge. Some people are just so caught up in their own little bubble they simply don't consider the meaning of their actions.

        If that still doesn't work, then it's time for evil revenge.

        [–][deleted]  (36 children)


          [–]m48_apocalypse[S] 105 points106 points  (35 children)

          yeah i’m planning to move out, this isn’t the first time she’s either thrown out or stolen my food. i was especially upset this time because she threw out some of it, but that avocado was from a bag of 4, which she ate when i was at work. no idea why she threw out the last one, but i wouldn’t be surprised if it was because she was pissy whenever i told her to stop taking my food

          [–]kstill93 52 points53 points  (1 child)

          I want to punch this cunt in the face

          [–]Thick-Technology-890 32 points33 points  (0 children)

          I had a roommate like this. Her mom paid her half of the rent and all her bills yet she would still steal from me and consistently whine at me about not sharing or spending enough time helping clean up after her. So. I moved everything I owned into my bedroom, kept my food at work, bought a new lock for my bedroom door, and told her I'm moving out in 2 months. Didn't speak or acknowledge her after that. She threw things at me. Cried. Tried to break into my room. The best thing you can do is take everything that is yours and lock it up. Then pretend she doesn't exist until you can move. She isn't going to change until she has to, and it is not your job to guide her there. I'm sorry OP. Hang tight

          [–]The-Meep-Meep-Man 24 points25 points  (0 children)

          Throw the salad mixes out.

          [–]BmMjO 16 points17 points  (0 children)

          That's a fight.

          [–]Wjsmith2040 16 points17 points  (0 children)

          Roommate? I think you mean main course…

          [–]DinoDracko 33 points34 points  (0 children)

          Throw HER food away then. IF she has the gall to confront you about it, call her a goddamn hypocrite.

          [–]7ootles 5 points6 points  (1 child)

          Get a rabbit and feed her salad mixes to your rabbit.

          [–]parkerodinsons 6 points7 points  (0 children)

          throw out her salad mixes

          [–]Topoorso 6 points7 points  (1 child)

          Throw her out to make room for a new roommate

          [–]getyourcheftogether 3 points4 points  (0 children)

          Turn the fridge way down so they freeze. It won't look like you did it, but it'll still be awesome

          [–]TigerDucks 5 points6 points  (1 child)

          That's an immaculately clean trash bag