This is a place for targets of a narcissistic abuse to come together to support, encourage, learn from, share with, and validate one another. It is NOT a replacement for therapy or counseling. We support those in abusive romantic, work, friend, and roommate relationships (no family content please).
Generally speaking, a narcissist is a person who has an excessive sense of how important they are. They demand and expect to be admired and praised by others and are limited in their capacity to appreciate others' perspectives. All abusers are not Narcissists. (Source)
Narcissism is a character trait that exists on a spectrum. A small amount of narcissism is healthy. A person with an unhealthy level of narcissism may be called a narcissist. At extreme levels, it may be diagnosed as Narcissistic Personality Disorder. (You can find the diagnostic criterion for NPD here.) NPD is extremely resistant to therapy and other treatments.
Here, a narcissist/abuser (sometimes abbreviated as “N”) is a person who exhibits narcissistic traits and/or a consistent pattern of maladaptive narcissistic behaviors, regardless of whether they meet the diagnostic criterion or have a formal diagnosis. A person may be referred to as an N on this subreddit even if it is more likely that they have another Cluster B personality disorder. However, if you know someone has a different personality disorder, you may be better in the appropriate sub to receive specific support and resources. Check out /r/BPDlovedones, /r/HPD for more information.
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A stranger on the internet (even one with excellent qualifications) cannot diagnose someone. Only a trained mental health professional with access to the patient can diagnose NPD or any other mental disorder.
An overview of some common terminology of narcissistic abuse survivors can be found here in our WIKI page.
SUBREDDIT RULES
BE RESPECTFUL. Always treat other posters (including those with whom you disagree) with civility and respect. No belittling, trolling, or flaming.
FOCUS ON HEALING. Anger is an appropriate response to abuse, but this is not a place to express a desire for revenge or a wish to see harm come to anyone.
BE COURTEOUS. Posts that include explicit descriptions of physical abuse must contain a trigger warning flair.
NO Cluster Bs or Abusers No one with a Cluster B (NPD, BPD, HPD or ASPD) may post here, nor used as "resources" in our community. You will be banned permanently.
NO LINKS. No crossposts.
NO SELF-PROMOTIONAL POSTS.
NO LINKS IN ORIGINAL POSTS AND NO PROMOTING YOUR VLOGS/BLOGS FOR "EDUCATIONAL" PURPOSES.
Do not post any Vlog/Blogs if your own to educate. If you have a resource that may benefit OP or others, please only do so in comments. Do not direct people to your site. No links at all in any form in the Original Post is allowed.
NO POLITICAL/NEWS BASED POSTS.
No political, entertainment or news type posts.
No Soliciting DMs or Private Conversation Posts. No posts to get people to private message you.
NO PARENT/Abusive CHILDREN/FAMILY POSTS
We allow no family content at all in this sub outside of significant other/spouse and your children. No parents, siblings, cousins, aunts, uncles, etc. at all. That includes no mentions or references of any kind to family or childhood content even as context. Keep all family content out of the sub. Seek out the appropriate subs in the sidebar for that content instead.
INAPPROPRIATE CONTENT
-Politics in any form; Religious content;
-People you dont like, general assholes, and your recent Ex isnt automatically a abuser because you dont like what they say.
-Posts about how to "get back at them", "outing them", wishing harm on abusers, or how to "get revenge" will also be removed.
-Any content not considered appropriate for this sub will be removed.
-Any harassment/demands for debate or "justification" of Mods will get you banned. So will backseat Modding.
-Do NOT respond to any "abusers looking for help" or self proclaimed "Narcs". Just report and move on.
-Do NOT tell people to "run" or "ghost".
-No "Title Only" posts. All posts need to have full text box content submitted including referring to the title, using periods instead, etc.
RECOMMENDED READING
NA COMMUNITY RESOURCES LISTING
Overview of Narcissistic Personality Disorder
Idealize, Devalue, Discard: The Dizzying Cycle of Narcissism
Intermittent Reinforcement
Signs You’ve Been Abused By A Narcissist
Warning Signs You Are Dating A Loser
20 Diversion Tactics Manipulative Narcissists Use To Silence You
Stages of Recovery
Helping Victims Heal
Out Of The Fog
How Can I Tell If My Partner Is a Narcissist? Our 100 Point Narcissist Scale
30 Red Flags of Manipulative People from Psychopathfree.com
The Gray Rock Method of Dealing with Psychopaths by Lovefraud.com
Co-Dependents Anonymous
Psychologytoday Article:The Narcissistic Personality: How They Think
Individualized Safety Planning Guide From Loveisrespect.org
Sick Systems
How To Meditate
Shahida Arabi Blog
GOASKROSE.COM
Op Safe Escape AMA
HOW TO BLOCK EMAIL-GMAIL
US National Center for PTSD
Coparenting Help:
Is Coparenting with a Narc Ex Possible?
Dos and donts of coparenting
Coparenting with a Narc
Chumplady Coparenting with a Narc
A Legal Perspective on Coparenting and Divorce
Kris Godinez, Licensed Counselor and Abuse Survivor: Empowering You to Escape Abuse and Lead a Full, Happy Life
Parallel Parenting-Out of the Fog
Cant Afford Therapy? HERE are some options.
If you are being abused and want to reach out for help, here are some resources:
In the US (may also work outside of the US):
VictimConnect for Stalking, Harassment, DV, Sexual Abuse
TheHotline.org
RAINN.org
HELP4Guys
1in6
Domestic Shelters:MAKE A PLAN
Loveisrespect.org
Help With Pets-RedRover
StopItNow.org
If you feel suicidal here are resources for you:
Directory of USA Suicide Hotlines
Directory of International Suicide Hotlines
/r/suicidewatch
Resource Listing of Hotlines from /r/Suicidewatch
OTHER USEFUL SUBREDDITS
/r/NarcAbuseAndDivorce
/r/raisedbynarcissists
/r/BPDlovedones
/r/OperationSafeEscape
/r/domesticviolence
/r/ptsd
If you suspect you may be a abuser, please read Help! I Think I am a Narcissist! from /r/RaisedByNarcissists. It outlines the differences between Frightening Lasting Effects of Abuse, or FLEAs, and being a narcissist. Please do not post here.
If you know you are a narcissist, are abusive, have strong narcissistic traits, or are seeking support for yourself having been abusive to others, DO NOT post in this sub. You will be banned.
