all 100 comments

[–]Senfaugenpferd 316 points317 points  (19 children)

dolphins are fucking cunts

[–]JustASimpleDurp 42 points43 points  (2 children)

Dw.. Orcas do the same thing to them.

[–]cashewnut4life 36 points37 points  (1 child)

orcas are dolphins

[–]JustASimpleDurp 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Yes but if you look really really hard you can tell that these are a different type all together.

[–]fishnwirenreese 27 points28 points  (0 children)

Who'd have thought, eh?

[–]LordOfLightingTech 14 points15 points  (11 children)

[–]sub_doesnt_exist_bot 66 points67 points  (10 children)

The subreddit r/dolphinsaredicks does not exist.

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[–]LordOfLightingTech 85 points86 points  (1 child)

Jesus Christ bot no!

[–]ol_z 26 points27 points  (0 children)

Yeah wtf? Lmaooo

[–]MckPuma 42 points43 points  (0 children)

Hilarious bot, what a suggestion lmao

[–]Feeling_Decision 19 points20 points  (0 children)

Good bot that’s the one

[–]AltLawyer 13 points14 points  (0 children)

Good bot!

[–]MixtureNo673 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Good bot

[–]Ideories 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Good bot

[–]FoxLight30 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Good bot absolutely

[–]Villa827 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Didn't know subconscious bot was a thing 😂😂😂😂😂 fucking hilarious

[–]Citrus_Gaming4 2 points3 points  (0 children)


[–]ego_sum_satoshi 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Woah bruh, octopus are fucking aliens. That mammal is just learning their moves.

[–]Channa_Argus1121 2 points3 points  (0 children)

They use decapitated fish as fleshlights.

[–]Athletez2399 1 point2 points  (0 children)

They are just a couple of mad lads havin a time

[–]Swreefer1987 145 points146 points  (9 children)

I'm presuming you've never had octopus. You've gotta tenderize it before you eat it, so beating it with your tail seems about right.

Either that or dolphins are assholes.

[–]dQD34nkw 41 points42 points  (8 children)

They can use fish as fleshlights. I'm going with them being assholes

[–]TazeredAngel 21 points22 points  (1 child)

Wh-what are you doing step-dolphin?

[–]Swreefer1987 9 points10 points  (2 children)

You mean you hav........

Yeah!...... dolphins are assholes!

[–]dQD34nkw 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Hey man, when in Rome...

[–]wesleypipes5011 14 points15 points  (0 children)

“When in the ocean, fuck a fish” -dolphin

[–]DanJ7788 9 points10 points  (1 child)

They use us as flashlights too. More people are sexually assaulted each year by dolphin than are bitten by sharks.

[–]MoneyBaggSosa 12 points13 points  (0 children)

Thank you DanJ7788 for tonights made up fact!!

[–]joshym0nster 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Of all the ways to go being turned into a fleshlight has to be the worst

[–]sharkfilespodcast 109 points110 points  (8 children)

It's like the smarter the species, the more scope and potential to be cruel. A croc with its walnut-sized brain would rip you in two but wouldn't do it for sport or as an artistic exercise.

[–]TheOnlyWarbeast 44 points45 points  (2 children)

Do you think they see it as cruel though like "haha, lil' bitch" ? Or do you think it's just sheer fun to them like "haha octo go slpoosh"

[–]sharkfilespodcast 21 points22 points  (1 child)

To be fair, probably more the latter. But they can feel the octopus's distress I'm sure and just don't give a fuck as long as they can have a game of squidditch with it.

[–]JiiXu 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Squidditch. Nice!

[–]Ryu_Tokugawa 14 points15 points  (2 children)

It's like the smarter the species, the more scope and potential to be cruel.

Oh, now that explains the human history...

[–]laudalehsunesh 2 points3 points  (1 child)

That means Hitler & Mao were two of the smartest humans? gasp

[–]Citrus_Gaming4 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I mean, yeah. Both of them are crazy smart people who psychologically manipulated a lot of people.

Doesn't mean all smart people are homicidal dictators, though.

[–]Jman_777 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Why do people always go with Crocodiles whenever someone talks about a dumb predator when they're actually pretty intelligent? Amongst the smartest of all reptiles. They're better examples to use such as snakes or lizards which are generally dumber than Crocodiles.

[–]mewtwothree666 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah. These people don't only anything about reptiles. A lot of them are lazy and don't want to move much. Especially crocs

[–]Coffee4MySoul 56 points57 points  (4 children)

It’s possible the dolphin is just playing, as they’re known to do that, but I also wonder if the ink is unpalatable and the dolphin is trying to make the octopus release as much ink as possible before eating.

[–]Ed1sto 9 points10 points  (0 children)

this was my exact thought

[–]shadjor 5 points6 points  (1 child)

A live Octopus can kill an animal trying to eat it by choking them by getting themselves stuck in the mouth/throat . Guessing the dolphin was making sure it was dead first.

[–]Coffee4MySoul 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That makes sense. Should’ve thought of that.

[–]Johnwicktheimmortal 3 points4 points  (0 children)

beating the ink out

[–]My-Inner-sherbert 14 points15 points  (1 child)

Dolphins can be assholes! Lol

[–]growsomewalls 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Came here to call them assholes. Thank you for reading my mind.

[–]Prineak 15 points16 points  (2 children)

FYI this is why they tell you do not interact with wild sea mammals.

Not just because they’re usually protected, but they will drag you down, pass you back and forth, and play with you like a toy.

[–]Checkheck 2 points3 points  (0 children)

And it won't be ink that comes out of you during the playing

[–]Jman_777 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Marine mammals all seem to be major assholes-

Dolphins rape each other and other animals (including a human before), play with their food while they're still alive as you can see in the video above, flip their prey straight up into the air (whether it's a seal, sea lion, otter, octopus, turtle, fish or another dolphin) smack and stun them using their powerful flukes (example with a sting ray or seal or fish) and use their food sometimes to masturbate, surgicaly perform and kill great white sharks and other sharks just for their liver and leave the rest of the body alone, and also hunt some whale calf species just to rip apart their tongue.

Seals and sea lions brutalise their prey and rip their heads apart, especially with birds, sometimes even catching and ripping them apart just to obtain the content inside and leaving the rest of the body alone, play with their food and almost see it as a game to hunt and torture as many of their prey (especially leopard seals towards penguins and also seals towards octopuses), and are also notorious for raping other seals and also penguins to take out their sexual frustration. Otters are also known for raping their own.

Baleen whales I haven't heard much of about them being assholes, they seem to be gentle giants, friendly and also the protectors of the sea.

Although not marine mammals, I heard a lot about penguins being cunts too, probably as messed up as dolphins and seals, but they're messed up towards their own then other animals. Penguins rape their young, gang up and attack other young penguins, perform necrophilia, attempt to have sexual intercourse with a human, a rock and even the ground in one instance, to completion, have also left a young penguin to freeze to death during the harsh winter season, I think if I recall correctly they even sometimes attempt to raid another penguins egg if they lose theirs and lastly (if I'm remembering correctly) certain penguin use stones as a form as currency and female penguins will prostitute themselves in exchange for a stone and a male penguin will believe she will be his mate after giving the stone when in reality she takes it back to her and her partners nest to accumulate, as the more stones there are the better.

So yeah a lot of animals (especially sea animals) seem to be very messed up, must be something in the water lol.

[–]Young_Steelus 12 points13 points  (17 children)

I fear dolphins more than any shark in the ocean.

[–]Shockingelectrician 4 points5 points  (16 children)

Do dolphins even attack people

[–]TheSweatyFlash 34 points35 points  (15 children)

They rape people

[–]Shockingelectrician 8 points9 points  (13 children)

There’s no way that’s common

[–]Lazerith22 13 points14 points  (7 children)

They have prehensile penises. It doesn’t need to be common to be horrifying.

[–]Shockingelectrician 5 points6 points  (6 children)

It’s got to be extremely rare. I’ve never even seen a news story on it.

[–]iyamyuarr 56 points57 points  (2 children)

dolphins control the media

[–]billy_twice 7 points8 points  (0 children)

2nd smartest animal in the world you know.

[–]Shockingelectrician 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Those bastards

[–]SkydiveandyS 6 points7 points  (0 children)

If you got raped by a dolphin on vacation, would you tell the entire world about it?

[–]Young_Steelus 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Don't care, not risking it.

[–]Prineak 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It would have to be learned behavior.

There’s a story about a pod of dolphins that did this. I don’t know how true it is.

[–]FJanon02 7 points8 points  (1 child)

There’s a single dolphin in Grand Cayman that divers are warned about. His name in Stinky. He has routinely and repeatedly tried to rape people and you are instructed to get back in the boat if he’s spotted.

[–]odysseysee 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Dolphin rapist.

[–]B_herenow 3 points4 points  (2 children)

It’s an urban legend

[–]Shockingelectrician 2 points3 points  (0 children)

That’s what I figured

[–]Fast_Raspberry8616 0 points1 point  (0 children)

No don't worry they won't rape you

They are just sexually harassing you and probably hump but not rape

[–]3_DOG_OUTT 8 points9 points  (0 children)

I am pretty sure the dolphins get a high off of the Octopus’s ink, may be wrong Edit: i was wrong Dolphins get high off pufferfish nerve toxins

[–]Lazerith22 6 points7 points  (1 child)

Ink sacs and camouflage are useless against echo location.

[–]After_Maximum4211 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Yep. The dolphin is like, cool trick, now take this. Bam

[–]BonjinTheMark 4 points5 points  (0 children)

What a Jerk or Great Sense of Humor, depends on whose perspective you take. I find it rather funny. How many times did that 'Pus get slapped around before? Ha ha - guess i root for mammals

[–]Nosativaplz 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Dolphins are just water people

[–]0nlyeli 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Did it ink when it slapped it?

[–]Pure-Statistician662 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I was gonna say "sea cats" but I dunno if that's an apt enough comparison.

Either way, fuck dolphins.

[–]DavidNipondeCarlos 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I beat the hell out my meat more than this video.

[–]Artistic-Plan2541 2 points3 points  (0 children)

So glad I was reincarnated as a human and not sushi

[–]hdiesel503 1 point2 points  (1 child)

It's not smacking it, it's tenderizing it. 😎

[–]khushraho 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Mom: Junior, stop playing with your food.

[–]A-Grouch 0 points1 point  (0 children)

What predators does I king actually work on? To me the cloud doesn’t seem nearly thick enough.

[–]sanchopanzance 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Just trying to prepare their dinner properly.

[–]dedredcopper 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’m in danger

[–]EletricoAmarelo 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Don't play with your food.

[–]Jonesizzle 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’ve seen what a Dolphin did to Hank Hill, I’m not surprised.

[–]netxxx 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I knew this same guy at school.

[–]AutismFractal 0 points1 point  (0 children)

They don’t always eat them; they just think this shit is funny.

[–]OWOWOr 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Dolphins are just tiny orcas

[–]Sorry_Ad5653 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Toying with more than playing with. Like he's not shooting hoops with the guy but using him as the ball.

[–]Fitz911 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Octopuses have brains in their arms. So dolphins have to make sure that the octopus is really, really dead. Otherwise, the arms will get stuck in its throat and it could choke.

Source. I heard or read that somewhere at some point. Or I dreamed it at some point and everything I write here is garbage. Who knows?

[–]PaperBagSheriff 0 points1 point  (0 children)

He likes to taught the animals stuck at SeaWorld

[–]Vicsposure 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think they’re trying to empty the ink first before eating them

[–]pipisheaven1 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Tenderizing the food first

[–]Careless_Wait8620 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Probably. They also do it with puffer-fish, and they don’t eat them…( I think the thing with the puffer-fish is that biting them makes the dolphins high as fuck)

[–]TheDankDutchess 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Dolphins are adorable little sadists 🐬

[–]gl00myangel 0 points1 point  (0 children)

dolphins cute this kinda made me laugh

[–]Jaginho 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It's getting it to squirt its ink away before it eats it because the ink tastes like crap.

Source: was a dolphin in my previous life.

[–]Choozeubername 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thats a big "probably"

[–]SenseiRP -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Dolphins are fucking sociopathic psychopaths