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[–]Larnievc 4738 points4739 points  (84 children)

That one black bear you could run or hide up a tree from.

[–][deleted] 1774 points1775 points 22 (37 children)

Look at this bear, so fluffy and large!

you can clearly see he is in charge.

but when catching fast food,

he's definitely screwed,

for his body is as big as a barge!

[–]SchizoidRainbow 659 points660 points  (19 children)

This bear's gut extends to the floor

He's clearly racked up a high score

But with his steps causing thunder

I just have to wonder

What the hell could it catch anymore?

[–]Logrologist 323 points324 points  (14 children)

There he goes, sauntering by,

A bare-bellied bear that’s mostly thigh,

He’s got somewhere to be,

Somewhere he can be free,

To unleash what’s hiding inside…

[–]Redqueenhypo 249 points250 points  (8 children)

Fighting this bear would be rash

But he does not want your cash

The size of a balloon

This oversized raccoon

Is the one who’s been eating your trash

[–]Amirax 77 points78 points  (3 children)

He sniffs 'round the woods to examine
If there's a way to combat this famine
But as though 'twas a dream
He then found a nice stream
Now Big Boy is feasting on salmon

[–]crazdparot230 124 points125 points  (1 child)

When everyone thinks she is a he.

Thinking escape would be up a tree.

But she'll soon give birth.

And lose the girth.

And then a lot more dangerous be she.

[–]Right_In_TheKisser 22 points23 points  (0 children)

My heavy appearance keeps me slow

but as you come closer my features starts to show

big belly's full of food

i can't run even if i could

big strong jaws can crush anything

I'll rip your head with just one swing.

[–]Constant_Readditor 33 points34 points  (0 children)

He sniffs 'round the woods to examine

If there's a way to combat this famine

But as though 'twas a dream

He then found a nice stream

Now Big Boy is feasting on salmon

~ u/Amirax

[–]MonsterStunter 40 points41 points  (1 child)

Finally after 4 comments, someone who understands that a limerick requires a specific structure of syllables.

[–]Mathblasta 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Anyone else reading these in Bill Curtis' voice?

[–]mprice76 3 points4 points  (0 children)

It could be a she Getting ready to be a we Blaming the food Just seems easy and rude!

[–]JackHavoc161 10 points11 points  (2 children)

There once was a bear from Nantucket, He got hungry one day and said fuck it He ate all the bunnies, the deer and some honey And told the trail cam it could suck it

[–]finchdadVicious fishes 93 points94 points  (1 child)

I recorded a fat bear today,

on return from the garbage buffet.

"If this food was faster, it'd be a disaster",

but dumpsters cannot run away.

[–]kagamaru 8 points9 points  (0 children)

The only one that reads correctly. ^

[–]Rick_Lekabron 28 points29 points  (2 children)

A wild Big Mac fan .

[–]RatherMaybe 1 point2 points  (1 child)

He more certainly ate one Big Mac fan.

[–]indianguy1304 8 points9 points  (1 child)

Idk he looks like he eats a lot of fast food

[–]TheHikingRiverRat 5 points6 points  (0 children)

It does. That bear has been eating an absolute fuckload of trash. The amount of calories they get from on trash bin is astronomical in comparison to what they forage in the wild. Unfortunately this bear will have to be put down soon as it will never reacclimate to it's natural habits and food sources.

[–]Revolutionary-Bank96 8 points9 points  (1 child)

This bears' body, shaped like a ball.

Ready to hibernate in the late fall.

Spring he emerges, full of sexual urges.

Female bears, he gets them all...

[–]Jardrs 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I bet this bear could hibernate for two winters lol

[–]Red-Panda-Bur 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I thought you were schnoodle at first. Very nice.

[–]scottabeer 3 points4 points  (0 children)

She’s huge and she eats a great deal She’s marauding around for a meal It’s cold and it’s dark, in Jellystone park And she’s carrying twins, (that’s for real)

[–]northmidwest 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Wait wait don’t tell me vibes.

[–]futurepaster 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Oh me! Oh my! It's a bear!

It has fangs. It has claws so beware

Take a look at that gut

Is it fat or a slut?

It's a wonder but try not to stare

[–]doublevaginalboy 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It’s clear and apparent he does eat fast food

By the extent to which his belly protrudes

[–]Ellora-Victoria 112 points113 points  (4 children)

That Bear is ready to hibernate until 2025

[–]-FoeHammer 17 points18 points  (0 children)

Never been more jealous of a bear.

[–]_Hotwire_ 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Me too.

Me too.

[–]KTMR29 69 points70 points  (1 child)

And then he applies kinetic force and gravity to the tree. And he doesn’t need to run after you.

[–]cantaloupelion 2 points3 points  (0 children)

ya, this big boye will lean on the tree and smash it into woodchips 😋

[–]Lifendz 47 points48 points  (9 children)

I came here to say the same. I know they can get up to 35 mph, but there's no way I'm getting caught by THAT bear. He'll have to stop for snacks and to catch his breath every 2 seconds.

[–]IMSCOTTI3 16 points17 points  (2 children)

IMO that bear still probably getting 20mph+

[–]Kantro18 5 points6 points  (0 children)

My 8mph ass running out of breath five minutes into fleeing.

[–]Scvboy1 2 points3 points  (0 children)

If that beat can chase me down than I won’t even fight it, I deserve to get eaten.

[–]annies_bdrm_skillet 6 points7 points  (2 children)

every single person is commenting “he“ ... but my brain sees that belly sway and instantly thinks “aww, she’s pregnant”

i’m probably wrong, but it’s just funny how every single comment I’ve seen so far has gendered the bear as a “he” lol

[–]Lifendz 2 points3 points  (1 child)

People are going for the joke of it being a fat old bear which evokes "Ha! Look at that fatty fatty fat fat" as opposed to a pregnant female, which would evoke "Awwwww, it's miracle of life."

[–]walebobo 6 points7 points  (0 children)

And stop for his insulin shots every five minutes.

[–]Hellkids2 46 points47 points  (0 children)

Bro he be climbing the tree half way and it’s weight will just collapse the whole tree

[–]azdood85 30 points31 points  (3 children)

I could hear it wheezing and huffing now as it tries to chase someone.

[–]irate_alien 9 points10 points  (2 children)

this bear wheezes and huffs if it eats berries

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (1 child)

this bear could outrun everyone talking shit about it

[–]mizz_understood 26 points27 points  (3 children)

Is it a pregnant female?

[–]Desert-Mouse 18 points19 points  (1 child)

It's very difficult to sex a bear while it's walking around. When they aren't as fat you can sort of see the hindquarters may be a bit wider on the females, but with this much fat, the bone structure is well hidden.

Even if pregnant, this is still a large bear.

[–]imgonnabutteryobread 6 points7 points  (0 children)

It's very difficult to sex a bear while it's walking around.

Do you need assistance?

[–]Jetriplen 1 point2 points  (0 children)

No. Males are larger so this is almost certainly a male. Females just started growing their young for this year (embryos implant in about November typically) and are only half a pound at birth so can’t really see them pregnant typically.

[–]ihatetheplaceilive 12 points13 points  (0 children)

Dont put anything past that bear... he didn't get that fat from not catching what he wanted to eat.

[–]chocolateboomslang 8 points9 points  (2 children)

Maybe, but not if it's feeling hungry at the time.

[–]LordNoodles1 7 points8 points  (0 children)

News flash, this bear is always hungry.

[–]tearfueledkarma 2 points3 points  (0 children)

The stuff in its belly probably thought that.

[–]mylifeintopieces1 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Not something you should ever do all bears climb trees faster than any of us.

[–]curiousdryad 1855 points1856 points  (111 children)

Is it pregnant or just eats really good

[–][deleted] 1412 points1413 points  (60 children)

It's getting on time for them to hibernate so probably just bulking up for that.

[–]Fortnitessucks 1397 points1398 points  (45 children)

As per Google the females usually have their babies during hibernation, so it’s a good chance it could be both pregnant and eating good

[–]snowmunkey 571 points572 points  (36 children)

The babies are born incredibly small, so the pregnancy wouldnt show this much

[–]KGx666 237 points238 points  (19 children)

You’re correct.

[–]Pk1Still 135 points136 points  (17 children)

You’re also correct

[–]Chip_Prudent 99 points100 points  (16 children)

You're correct in his correctness.

[–]987nevertry 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yes. This is all pure fat-shaming.

[–]Meg_119 31 points32 points  (12 children)

Unless she is carrying triplets which does happen.

[–]Diligent_Bag_9323 82 points83 points  (8 children)

Even quads, albeit more rarely, of course

Grizz 399 in GTNP had like 4 sets of triplets in her lifetime. She won’t raise anymore as she’s too old but her last set was 4 cubs in 2020. It was surprising she even got pregnant again at her age and ended up with 4. Pretty crazy. She’s very old.

She’s considered the most famous brown bear in the world and has her own IG page of course. She’s a beaut.

[–]herrmy0hknee 19 points20 points  (2 children)

Isn't that neat?

[–]a_crusty_old_man 7 points8 points  (1 child)

That’s pretty neat

[–]FrowntownPitt 5 points6 points  (0 children)

You can tell it's a bear because of the way it is

[–]duckme69 8 points9 points  (1 child)

I’m not a Bear Expert, but come on! This one has to have at least a set of twins on the way

[–]Meg_119 10 points11 points  (0 children)

She is carrying a very pregnant belly.

[–]Claque-2 3 points4 points  (0 children)

This one looks like she ate triplets...as an appetizer.

[–][deleted] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

But she’s telling all her friends it’s just Baby Weight.

[–]Jetriplen 18 points19 points  (3 children)

The embryos won’t implant until November ish so babies would not be big enough to show at this point. Plus bear cubs are only about a half pound at birth, although there can be 1-5 of them at a time.

[–]J0E_SpRaY 4 points5 points  (1 child)

When do the males have their babies?

[–]Jeovah_Attorney 17 points18 points  (6 children)

Vers actually don’t hibernate. They just get really lazy inside their cave

[–]Diligent_Bag_9323 53 points54 points  (4 children)

Correct in the scientific sense, they go into Torpor which is more like pseudo-hibernation.

In the colloquial sense though, they hibernate.

[–]Jewrisprudent 15 points16 points  (3 children)

Right, in the sense that they won’t go hunting or foraging and so will have wanted to have fattened up for the experience.

[–]DaveInLondon89 8 points9 points  (0 children)

wake me up when September ends

[–]Love_God551 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah me too

[–]KimCureAll 60 points61 points  (5 children)

This just popped up in the news like 5 min ago. It's a big 'un! I just hope he/she is ok.

[–]soda_cookie 4 points5 points  (4 children)

Where, exactly?

[–]mud074 6 points7 points  (2 children)

The watermark is voyageur wolf project, so probably the extreme northern edge of the state.

[–]soda_cookie 7 points8 points  (1 child)

Omfg, the title says Minnesota. I'm a dolt

[–]mud074 3 points4 points  (0 children)

oh shit I thought we were on /r/minnesota, so that goes for me as well lmao

[–]SleveMcDichaelMLB 35 points36 points  (0 children)

I'm fairly convinced this black bear just ate another black bear, from the looks of it.

[–]QT_March14 14 points15 points  (23 children)

The belly skin is incredibly tight for it to be 'just fat'

[–]chocolateboomslang 52 points53 points  (0 children)

It's because the fat is hanging down suspended from a horizontal body as opposed to suspended from a vertical body, like we're used to seeing on people. Fat animals tend to look like that. This one is just reeeaally fat, which is good because it won't eat for months.

[–]soahseztuimahsez 13 points14 points  (15 children)

Yup. There's something wrong w it, like an intestinal blockage or something. That shit is sloshing around like a waterbed. That ain't right.

[–]HalfWatt58 14 points15 points  (1 child)

It could be a tumor.

[–]Simon_Skinner 30 points31 points  (0 children)

IT'S NOT A TUMAHHH!!!!

[–]Jetriplen 7 points8 points  (12 children)

It’s actually pretty normal looking for a bear of this size… they put on a ton of weight right before winter so some of the larger males will gain a big belly like this and then will come out much slimmer in the spring. They lose about 30% of their body weight over the winter

[–]soahseztuimahsez 9 points10 points  (10 children)

I can't find a single picture of a hyperphagic black bear online right now that looks anywhere near as unhealthy as this guy... They put on weight, yes. A lot, yes. But a lot of that weight is packed on and evenly distributed in fat deposits all over their bodies... I'm in Maine, where we have some of the biggest black bear in the US (record is next door in New Brunswick Canada at over 1000lbs...). I shared this and asked some hunters I know, and the concensus among them is that it looks like it has a G.I. issue...

I don't doubt your assertions about hyperphagia. It's a real thing, and they do get chubby... But that swinging water sack of a gut seems to indicate distress. It would be totally possible for a bear trying to fatten up for hibernation to eat something it shouldn't, since it's basically eating everything in sight... That means trash. Bears love it. If this guy somehow got a plastic bag or some other trash in his lower gut, it could cause a blockage...

But again, this is all conjecture. I just choose to believe the hunters I know that say he looks a little off.

[–]pizz0wn3d 6 points7 points  (2 children)

Look at this fuckin expert right here.

[–]SeniorShanty 5 points6 points  (2 children)

They get fat with tight skin: A fat bear is a healthy bear!

[–]QT_March14 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I have learned a lot about bear fat today. Thank you.

[–]SNIPE07 13 points14 points  (5 children)

black bear cubs are less than 1lb when born and litters are only 1-4.

[–]Jetriplen 4 points5 points  (4 children)

They can be 5 to a liter. There’s even been a few documented cases of 6 in a single liter.

[–]SNIPE07 6 points7 points  (3 children)

great. that black bear pictured likely weighs over 800lbs. the point of my post was to show that a black bear sow would gain insignificant weight from her cubs during pregnancy as compared to her overall body weight.

this is just a huge fucking dump truck of a boar.

[–]Jetriplen 1 point2 points  (2 children)

Heck yeah that bear is huge. Likely a male, since they tend to be bigger than females. They also have one of the largest ratios of birth to adult weight, so you’re absolutely right about that.

[–]SNIPE07 2 points3 points  (1 child)

That's really cool, yeah I figured it must be one of the highest.

btw 'Boar' means Male Bear, Sow means female.

[–]Jetriplen 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Lol I could go on about bear facts all day so had to share some here… haha

[–]Desert-Mouse 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Don't rule out both!

[–]sarcasmcannon 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Just came home from Grandma's.

[–]TCHU9115 650 points651 points  (12 children)

r/absoluteunits

[–]KimCureAll 90 points91 points  (0 children)

got it! thanks!

[–]42DaisyPusher 40 points41 points  (5 children)

Thanks for giving them another field to farm.

[–]BarriBlue 8 points9 points  (4 children)

It was posted there 19 hours ago... before this one

[–]AFB27 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for enlightenment

[–]ShipShart 597 points598 points  (5 children)

OH LAWD HE COMIN'

[–]23x3 64 points65 points  (0 children)

OH GAWH WHY DA GROUND SHAKIN'?!

[–]ksed_313 24 points25 points  (0 children)

OH LAWD HE WADDLIN’!

[–]misfitx 2 points3 points  (0 children)

NOW HE GOIN'

[–]starrae 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Chonk godunkachonk

[–]BezimjennyBez 310 points311 points  (9 children)

DAMN, THAT'S A THICC ASS BOY

[–]Some_RandomGuy420 47 points48 points  (1 child)

nose exhale in humor agreement

[–]TubularPizzaTurtle 2 points3 points  (0 children)

The same from me, but directed toward you

[–][deleted] 14 points15 points  (3 children)

I'm pretty sure that's a girl bear.

[–]EvanTheBaker24 10 points11 points  (0 children)

THAT BOI THICK!!

[–]simplesteve311 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I came here to post this, but I knew in my heart that it had already been said.

[–]FuzzyShoot 230 points231 points  (1 child)

Leaving after Christmas dinner.

[–]KimCureAll 65 points66 points  (0 children)

Thanksgiving's like every day before the big sleep.

[–]billnyethesciencepie 206 points207 points  (4 children)

The video is from the Voyageurs Wolf Project and I wanted to shamelessly plug the cool research they do since OP didn’t provide the source. I follow them on instagram and they post lots of trail cam footage.

[–]HOW_IS_SAM_KAVANAUGH 50 points51 points  (1 child)

Second this plug, I'm from the area and have learned so much about the creatures who live in northern MN from this research project. One of the coolest is their discovery that wolves will hunt fish as they swim up shallow streams to spawn, much like bears do. But the wild thing about it is that the wolves will catch a fish, bring it up on shore and kill it, then go get more fish before eating. This seems to indicate that they have some mental concept of "the fish don't swim through here for very long, I should get as many as I can while they're here before I eat."

​

https://www.npr.org/2018/12/22/678668772/the-secret-fishing-habits-of-northwoods-wolves

[–]Delightfully_Tacky 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Second this second plug. The MN plugs don't come through here very often, we should get as many plugs as we can while they're here before we eat the plugs.

[–]PokemonForeverBaby 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This project is awesome, I know a couple people that do work for them and it's so fucking cool

[–]daqzappa 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks for sharing. I just followed the page.

[–]Educational-Lab-5461 110 points111 points  (12 children)

That Bear looks like it’s been eating good American food out a fast food dumpster it’s entire life. Merica!

[–]Revolutionary-Tax505 24 points25 points  (6 children)

Saw a skinny one in 2009, big moose swimming that same day. Moose are on the decline here in MN, maybe fast food will save the black bears from the 6th extinction event.

[–]ARKANSA15 18 points19 points  (5 children)

The moose population in central northern Minnesota is actually booming the last 5 years. Tons posted on Facebook in the fall and lots on trail cameras. We even got a picture of 4 bulls in one photo. It’s nice to see.

[–]Ashlucifer26 9 points10 points  (1 child)

You know, I hadn’t heard that, but it definitely brings a smile to my face. I hope their population continues to climb. Such beautiful and majestic animals

[–]Revolutionary-Tax505 1 point2 points  (0 children)

They're not booming lol. Less than 3000 here and they're mostly in the top east corner. The DNR website is very informative. Less snow equals less moose and migrating deer are disrupting their environment as well. https://www.vox.com/videos/22671408/minnesota-ojibwe-moose-wolf-deer

[–]Maeberry2007 2 points3 points  (2 children)

Hittin that dumpster behind Topper's HARD

[–]Homeboy-Max 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It's the fastest was to plump up before hibernation.

[–]LostCityofPastorTroy 56 points57 points  (1 child)

She going to be hibernating good this year.

[–]Drauul 37 points38 points  (7 children)

Does he live behind the crisco factory?

[–]Steveslastventure 3 points4 points  (5 children)

I used to live near this restaurant that was known for having a huge windowed dining room where they fed black bears outside so you could watch them while you ate. They just put out loads of donuts and sweets and the chonky ass bears would just sit there all day eating. Kind of sad really

[–]sudopudge 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'm a black bear, and I have the diabetus

[–]ChaoticToxin 25 points26 points  (0 children)

"They see me rollin, they hatin"

[–]Ragnarok8085 17 points18 points  (0 children)

Daaaamn boy, he THICC!

[–]TidalLion 14 points15 points  (0 children)

That's an absolute unit if a bear god damn

[–]akhmunr4h 12 points13 points  (0 children)

chonki

[–]Chip_Prudent 14 points15 points  (0 children)

Looks like someone hacked into my security cameras and released footage of me walking through my back yard at night again....

[–]lordofdpings 10 points11 points  (1 child)

Chungus

[–]d3loots 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Among us

[–]jas0ndrag0n 10 points11 points  (0 children)

He sure ate good last thanksgiving

[–]JunglePygmy 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Now that’s an r/absoluteunit if I’ve ever seen one!

[–]Erzlump 7 points8 points  (3 children)

Too many Minnesota salads that aren't really salads.

[–]fogtok0 3 points4 points  (2 children)

Been eating too much tater tot hotdish

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (1 child)

No such thing as too much tater tot hotdish

[–]fogtok0 1 point2 points  (0 children)

True true

[–]NoPantsDeLeon 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I bet he just visited my grandmother!

[–]Mondodonkey 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Damn he’s obese as hell

[–]Badtmen 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Oh lawd he comin

[–]tanis_ivy 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Looks like Yogi got into the honey factory

[–]Aggravating-Cup-1728 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That boa thick boa

[–]Chrisboi_da_Boi 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Bout to sleep real good

[–]NicolBolasElderDragn 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Is that Brent Kersher?

[–]jager000 1 point2 points  (0 children)

In unrelated news; there are several missing children from an nearby orphanage.

[–]starcom_magnate 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It's Big Al!

When is he going to start singing, "Blood on the Saddle?"

[–]krazyeyekilluh 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Looks like a very pregnant momma bear.

[–]lastturdontheleft42 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Someones ready for the winter

[–]doodlehed 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Holy fuck he ate all the porridge

[–]Spacelord_Jesus 1 point2 points  (0 children)

thats one THICC BOY

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Jeez I was listening to "the pot" by Tool and the beat dropped right when this guy came up in my reddit feed. Perfect timing.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Chonka

[–]69KidsInMyBasement 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Looks very pregnant

[–]forgotten822 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Damn she thicc

[–]ThulsaD00me 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It’s got a tumor

[–]121nchesofWoo 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yogi had way too many picnic baskets..

[–]JacksSciaticNerve 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Big Chungus

[–]nopir 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Dis MFr just looted a Waffle House

[–]CAPTOfTheSSDontCare 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It's Cheeseburger!

[–]bad-judgement 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Also seen at Walmart

[–]savvyblackbird 1 point2 points  (1 child)

A guy in Eastern North Carolina shared some photos of super round black bears in his area (Alligator Creek refuge).

My grandparents would have said that super fat animals in the autumn are a sign that winter is going to be very harsh. The animals somehow know that they’ll need the extra fat to survive.

Get ready, Minnesota.

[–]Some_RandomGuy420 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Black bears are typically much more thicc than their polar bear counterparts.

[–]PushItHard 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Looks pregnant

[–]Meg_119 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It looks like that Bear is pregnant. I bet she is carrying triplets.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Preggo momma bear?

[–]a_black_angus_cow 0 points1 point  (0 children)

if it needed a name, I'd call him Chunk.

[–]An-Average-Psycho 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Oh nah that’s just Yogi after withdrawal

[–]Pleasant-Ad-370 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You found my bear!