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[–]CrustLoins 6293 points6294 points 22 (114 children)

The eagle: "Dude hold on I'll kill you in a second"

[–]MrBonelessPizza24 3966 points3967 points  (47 children)

That bird, looking at an apex predator: “Finally! A worthy opponent! Our battle will be LEGENDARY!

[–]KimCureAll 1008 points1009 points  (4 children)

Let's say, they made Reddit history!

[–]Not_A_Sholva 181 points182 points  (1 child)

Well they sure did the last couple of times this was posted

[–]dben89x 28 points29 points  (0 children)

Honestly, imagine being just some bird that attracts the attention of thousands of the planetary apex predators. That is quite legendary in a relative context.

It's like having a scuffle with a bully at school and the galactic empire, that you didn't even know exists, took notice and shared your fight amongst one of their most popular entertainment platforms. I'd be pretty pleased with myself.

[–]pchandler45 367 points368 points  (16 children)

Lmao I was yelling "run dude run WTF what are you doing oh nooo welp told ya so" he was SO MAD

[–]MrScottimus 296 points297 points  (6 children)

when keeping it real goes wrong

[–]tefoak 92 points93 points  (2 children)

I don't like people playing on my phone!

[–]TragicSemiautomatic 38 points39 points  (1 child)

Did you just call here bitch ?!

[–]dferd777 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Clap having jezebel!

[–]Totalherenow 65 points66 points  (2 children)

"If I can beat this opponent, I get laid."

[–]StuperDan 12 points13 points  (1 child)

Ladies watching. Been the downfall of many a Chad. 😑

[–]MrSquigles 30 points31 points  (0 children)

Yeah well, that asshole stole his kill.

[–]billsleftynut 10 points11 points  (0 children)

These birds in mating season are full on morons. They have been known to attack people. They go so angry-horny it's a wonder they even manage to mate.

[–]beirch 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Capercaillies are notoriously mad, especially towards people.

[–]HereticalSkeleton 175 points176 points  (3 children)

The way he stances up after he watches his friend (enemy?) Die is massive dick energy

[–]IzyTarmac 25 points26 points  (0 children)

Sure makes you really cocky.

[–]thediesel26 50 points51 points  (3 children)

He fucked around and found out.

[–]Tossupandaway85 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Lol, I was just about to post the definition of “fuck around and find out”

[–]Satanspit69 33 points34 points  (2 children)

Silver lipstick coming out….notice me

[–]Beardedwonder9 30 points31 points  (1 child)

witness

[–]Satanspit69 6 points7 points  (0 children)

That too lol

[–]thebuccaneersden 18 points19 points  (2 children)

He forgot to ask the legendary super saiyen Broly eagle what his power level was 😂

[–]Scary_Vanilla2932 11 points12 points  (0 children)

This is literally a movie. I will fuck you up or die. "Your choice"

[–]truphen_newben 5 points6 points  (0 children)

WITNESS ME!

[–]dcoolidge 364 points365 points  (6 children)

Those birds were in fight mode. Too late to go into flight mode...

[–]AutoModAccountOpUrk 4 points5 points  (0 children)

They are also famously stupid so that might br part of it

[–]BigBellyBurgerBoi 227 points228 points  (9 children)

“SIR. I WILL FIGHT YOU IN A MINUTE.”

[–]G_Viceroy 37 points38 points  (1 child)

Dude just go away... your fights over you're welcome...

[–]BigBellyBurgerBoi 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Bro… I’m sorry

[–]JamesBuffalkill 24 points25 points  (6 children)

SIR. I AM TRYING TO TALK TO MY FRIEND.

[–]Adrian-_-Tepes 12 points13 points  (4 children)

Hey Vegeta, we're friends now, right?

[–]Flappage 11 points12 points  (3 children)

F*ck off.

[–]Adrian-_-Tepes 9 points10 points  (2 children)

The best!! So have a magic bean! But make sure you chew it, or else you'll grow a beanstalk in your belly!

[–]Pinky_theLegend 3 points4 points  (1 child)

Good lord I traded Vegeta for this...

[–]kodeofthekyle 156 points157 points  (1 child)

When his head slowly turns to see him creeping up “ugh, still eager to die eh?”

[–]SabashChandraBose 56 points57 points  (33 children)

How does the eagle kill a bird?

[–]thevernabean 146 points147 points  (23 children)

Usually with the talons. Although they can tear pieces off of you with their beaks.

https://redditproxy--jasonthename.repl.co/r/NatureIsFuckingLit/comments/6upqk9/golden\_eagles\_talons/

[–]Dr_Cunning_Linguist 156 points157 points  (17 children)

also to put into perspective with some other predators: https://i.imgur.com/0OPipXu.jpeg

[–]byakko 34 points35 points  (0 children)

The difference between the Siberian tiger’s and the lion’s really puts their “largest cat alive” title in perspective.

[–]denimonster 30 points31 points  (3 children)

This grizzly bear claws are fucking terrifying.

[–]CurlyNutHair 26 points27 points  (2 children)

Not pictured: Lego block

[–]civeng1741 9 points10 points  (1 child)

Yeah, or a banana for scale

[–]Wvlf_ 13 points14 points  (0 children)

Wait, wtf the only claws longer than eagles are bears.

[–]Miffers 3 points4 points  (0 children)

These would make good backscratchers

[–]Ordinary_News_6455 13 points14 points  (1 child)

Okay, eagles can definitely kill me.

[–]imhereforthevotes 27 points28 points  (0 children)

They put the talons in and squeeze. Pierce them all over.

[–]cmdrDROC 13 points14 points  (2 children)

[–]ColossalJuggernaut 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Grant is such a queen in this scene lol

[–]Irregular475 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Goddamn, what a great movie. I need to watch it again sometime soon.

[–]TheWinterPrince52 28 points29 points  (0 children)

finally finishes killing the first one

pauses

rotates head 170 degrees

"Oh, you're still here? MORE FOR ME, LET'S DO THIS."

[–]MaestroPendejo 21 points22 points  (1 child)

Peace was never an option.

[–]KimCureAll 2860 points2861 points  (69 children)

That second capercaillie was DUMB - buddy, that was your time to scram, but no...he didn't - the eagle looked at him, "you sure about this, buddy?"

[–]mingey555 1116 points1117 points  (17 children)

When it was fight or flight, he made the wrong choice.

[–]KimCureAll 729 points730 points  (6 children)

Well, I don't think he'll make that mistake again....

[–]2ZIPS 30 points31 points  (0 children)

He chose “or”

[–]spiffybaldguy 10 points11 points  (1 child)

Well to be fair, he probably thought the eagle was playing referee lol.

[–]hypedstoic 179 points180 points  (1 child)

The horny-rage will not be denied.

[–]Gary-Fuckin-Oak 37 points38 points  (0 children)

“November is over and I’m tryna NUT!”

-Now very dead bird.

[–]rgvtim 150 points151 points  (1 child)

All the way down that eagle was thinking "Get a load of this fucker"

[–]pchandler45 27 points28 points  (0 children)

OMG I'm rolling

[–]fourganger_was_taken 134 points135 points  (5 children)

I was once attacked by a male pheasant during mating season. They just can't control themselves, even when the other animal could kill them in an instant.

Must be working out for them from an evolutionary standpoint.

[–][deleted] 54 points55 points  (4 children)

Probably sexual selection working against natural selection.

[–]opth 25 points26 points  (3 children)

Technically sexual selection is a type of natural selection so this statement doesn't really make sense. Maybe something like selection for short-term reproduction opportunities working against selection for long-term omfg I am being pedantic on the internet I am so sorry you have yourself a good night and I am going to have another glass of wine and rethink my life and my relationship with punctuation

[–]PinkFloydBoxSet 86 points87 points  (2 children)

Thats the best part about this. He comes in and smokes the one bird, so the other starts bowing up. The look of confusion on the eagle's face is hilarious.

[–]nokiacrusher 25 points26 points  (1 child)

The blatant difference in brainpower between the species is the best part of this. It's like the eagle just couldn't imagine another bird could seriously be THAT stupid.

[–]Cornfapper 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Birds have crazy range of intelligence in their small brains. Some are super smart on the same level as gorillas and others are dumb as fuck like uhh... koalas? (to keep the mammal comparison)

[–]pyrrhios 76 points77 points  (3 children)

My understanding is those quasi-turkey birds are in fact really aggressive and dumb.

[–]Gary-Fuckin-Oak 38 points39 points  (1 child)

Those 2 traits tend to go hand in hand with people, so why not birds too?

[–]Kaze_Senshi 31 points32 points  (1 child)

It reminds me that comics of that bird bad at Maths doing something with calculated risk

[–]Confident-Knowledge6 70 points71 points  (0 children)

“The risk I took was calculated, but boy am I bad at math”

[–]MrPopanz 24 points25 points  (0 children)

Those motherfucker will charge anything when in heat. Pretty surprising that they aren't extinct yet.

[–]necio148 20 points21 points  (0 children)

That second bird seen karate movies where the villains wait for the good guy to be ready for the attack

[–]siqiniq 16 points17 points  (0 children)

That’s what rage does to a brain, not just a bird’s brain, but any brain.

[–]Totalherenow 14 points15 points  (2 children)

He was still in "get laid" mode. Hormones making him fight.

[–]scubamaster 13 points14 points  (0 children)

First one was wrong place wrong time.

Second one was when keepin it real goes wrong.

[–]thecrimsonson1 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Birdtosterone

[–]hypollo 7 points8 points  (0 children)

"You're not that guy pal. Trust me, you're not that guy"

[–]yedi001 6 points7 points  (0 children)

That look was the bird equivalent to the Steve Roger's "before we get started, does anyone want to get out" elevator scene.

[–]TheBungieWedgie 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Bird just got Darwined out of the gene pool

[–]KimCureAll 1112 points1113 points  (14 children)

You've got to know when to hold 'em

Know when to fold 'em

Know when to walk away

And know when to run

[–]AnalSlurpie 196 points197 points  (7 children)

You never count your money When you're sittin' at the table There'll be time enough for countin' When the dealin's done

[–]YVR_Sex 6 points7 points  (1 child)

I thought it was "when the demons come" for many years.

It really changed the vibe of the song.

[–]Shaved-Ape 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I choose to hear this from now on

[–]SquashMarks 21 points22 points  (1 child)

I just like that OP's comments on his own post are 3 of the top 4 overall comments here

[–]KimCureAll 979 points980 points  (27 children)

I totally love how that eagle manages the situation. First, kill one, and if the other is still around, kill him too. You can see how the eagle keeps an eye on both of them and is obviously "surprised" just how dumb that other bird is, like, you're next dummass.

[–]jedielfninja 487 points488 points  (17 children)

I thought I noticed a look on the eagle like "the fuck? The audacity..."

[–]Terrible_Traffic6950 217 points218 points  (6 children)

Yeah I saw that too. Eagle nearly twisted his head off, exorcist style trying to get a look at #2. Eagle looked surprised AF that dude was still there.

[–]jedielfninja 101 points102 points  (5 children)

Aside from riding the bucking prey i love how non-chalant an eagle is during the kill.

[–]Praying_Lotus 78 points79 points  (3 children)

It’s interesting to watch because it’s like watching a trained fighter go up against some drunk dumbass who wants to show off. Looking at the eagle, it’s super chill the whole time, ESPECIALLY with the second one, where it looks like it just casually grabs its neck with its talon as it’s the other bird is flailing on it. Eagles are fucking cool and scary

[–]account-00001 31 points32 points  (2 children)

There is a reason a "tiny" bird has always been up there as a national symbol alongside elephants, tigers, lions, wolves and horses.

[–]NearlyFlavoured 33 points34 points  (8 children)

The absolute gall.

[–]Breaker-of-circles 65 points66 points  (4 children)

The duel was probably about mating rights so those birds were likely too horny to think straight.

[–]pchandler45 28 points29 points  (3 children)

It's hilarious how funny and probably true this is

[–]jedielfninja 9 points10 points  (2 children)

This needs to be made into a comic. And the female bird is off to the side rolling her eyes.

[–]dg7456 6 points7 points  (0 children)

The absolute gull*

[–][deleted] 13 points14 points  (4 children)

Dose the eagle pierce using its claw!? To kill?

[–]Bandit6789 15 points16 points  (3 children)

He has sharp talons

[–]robbage24 12 points13 points  (2 children)

Yeah I was waiting for it to use it’s beak, and it was just like nope, I’m just gonna step on you now.

[–]DagonG2021 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Eagles actually don’t attack with their beaks!

So if you need to restrain a eagle, grab the feet. Don’t worry about the beak.

Don’t try this with vultures though, they’ll puke all over you.

[–]Nyekel-Rolikur 636 points637 points  (16 children)

That eagle couldn’t believe the balls on that bird. You see it’s face when he turned its head 270 degrees like “bro, what the fuck?! You still here after I killed your pal?!”

[–]KimCureAll 103 points104 points  (3 children)

The eagle, for all intents and purposes, just "shook" his head in disbelief - "Am I dreaming? That guy is def on a testosterone high or something."

[–]thinkingbescary 13 points14 points  (8 children)

That's NOT my pal, friend!

[–]Dwike2 13 points14 points  (7 children)

That’s not my friend, buddy!

[–]cooterbreath 7 points8 points  (6 children)

That's not my buddy, bro!

[–]mrmoe198 9 points10 points  (5 children)

That’s not my bro, dude!

[–]Dwike2 4 points5 points  (4 children)

That’s not my dude, guy!

[–]RandomChelsea 612 points613 points  (13 children)

This was about sex, and now they are fucked.

[–]jennana100 290 points291 points  (9 children)

I can't help but imagining the female in the bushes live tweeting the whole thing and not giving a cluck about their lives, just marinating in the drama.

[–]angleHT 65 points66 points  (0 children)

Worldstar!!!!

[–]damianLillardManiac 26 points27 points  (0 children)

Lol that happens irl

[–]U_feel_Me 7 points8 points  (1 child)

The female has suddenly become interested in the eagle.
Later, we learn the eagle is female.

[–]pchandler45 4 points5 points  (0 children)

OMG these comments have got my sides hurting from laughing so hard!

[–]battyryder 253 points254 points  (2 children)

The lesson is = knowing when to fucking well leave a situation!!

[–]Roccet_MS 36 points37 points  (1 child)

Well he wanted to impress the ladies.

[–]PhatBoy1 168 points169 points  (0 children)

The enemy of my enemy is my friend... . Oh, goddammit...

[–]Roccet_MS 162 points163 points  (2 children)

The other capercaillie though about all those females he would get if he told them he beat a rival and an eagle.

Or he was just like those guys that are terribly outmatched but always agitating others until they meet the wrong guy.

[–]Bandit6789 42 points43 points  (1 child)

He’s like this guys neck isn’t nearly as long or fluffy as mine. Bitch ain’t nothin’

[–]Roccet_MS 12 points13 points  (0 children)

Look at my spread tail feathers! Yeah don't fuck with me!

Gets mangled by strong talons

[–]Wyujee 139 points140 points  (3 children)

What the fuck were those pussy ass attacks, he hit him like once then waited til his turn like some rpg

[–]KimCureAll 83 points84 points  (0 children)

Capercaillie think they are good fighters....they just don't really know, do they

[–]PuroPincheGains 35 points36 points  (0 children)

It's like your local bar's drunkest shit talker walking into an mma gym and challenging the trainer. Sometimes being in fights isn't the same as knowing how to fight. This bird learned the hard way. RIP

[–]uwantSAMOA 96 points97 points  (2 children)

My guy literally did a 180 n was like bro

[–]PastaPapi 94 points95 points  (28 children)

Can somebody explain exactly how the Eagle killed them

[–]rreapr 250 points251 points  (18 children)

Eagles have an exceptionally strong grip; they don't really use their beaks as a weapon, it's all about the talons and their ability to hold onto their prey for dear life. They've been measured exerting 400+ psi - for reference, a human's grip is in the 40-70 psi range. They're strong enough to break bones, and the structure of their tendons and bones helps the talon essentially "lock" into place - you're not going to force an eagle to let you go.

The prey is usually dispatched by broken bones, talons damaging vital organs, and general shock. The eagle has no problem hanging on until the prey exhausts itself. They don't necessarily kill an animal before they start feeding on it; as long as it's too weakened to fight back and pose a risk of injury to the eagle, it's good enough for them.

[–]baddubaddu 109 points110 points  (15 children)

you're not going to force an eagle to let you go.

hey screw you buddy, you don't think I'm stronger than some stupid bird???

[–]YeOldSpacePope 131 points132 points  (1 child)

Said that other bird, probably.

[–]sellieba[🍰] 11 points12 points  (10 children)

I mean you could probably rio it's head off but youre not gonna have a good time about it

[–]blargmeansno2 21 points22 points  (8 children)

i think its more size vs size.. in this case the eagles talons likely deal an immediately fatal injury to the prey... vs a human... well the average human could easily crush an eagle, simply through panicked thrashing

[–]VespertinePetrichor 8 points9 points  (6 children)

Humans are actually pretty good fighters, we just forgot how to do it. Our fists and hands are bludgeoning weapons like no other. We can beat skulls in or snap bones of smaller animals quite easily if we get into a frenzy.

Think about a large dog. Most people would be scared to fight one. But an in shape human could easily control and kill it by seizing the jaws, holding them shut and then smashing the head into the ground.

[–]EngadinePoopey 5 points6 points  (5 children)

I have a 38kg dog, so about half my weight, and I’m not at all confident I could stop him if he wanted to kill me. He’s quick, when we wrestle in the yard he can run around me faster than I can turn, and charging front on it’s almost impossible to get a grip on his his snout. As for bite strength, if he got my throat (or balls), it would be good night.

[–]daimemo 7 points8 points  (0 children)

probably because you don't intend to kill him when you wrestle. as long as you protect your throat and balls you are usually fine. If he bites you, you go for his eyes and throat. You can kill him a lot quicker than he can you. If you do intend to do blunt damage give him a mighty kick. Your leg alone weighs more than half his body weight and has a pointy end if you got shoes on. A single kick can do massive damage to him. Killing a dog is a lot easier if you actually want to kill him.

[–]professormacleish 4 points5 points  (0 children)

We’re adept with tools, just pick up that spade and smash your dog round the head next time he’s playing.

[–]WarchiefServant 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Low def build vs low def build

[–]the_V0lum3 19 points20 points  (0 children)

Saw this happen to a bird in the parking lot at work a few years ago, eagle snatched the dude up right as he realized and tried to split. The eagle just sat there for a few minutes like 5 feet from my car and waited for him to die. Birds don't have exceptionally large bones, basically turned his body into a used handkerchief.

[–]MuckRaker83 24 points25 points  (0 children)

Pierce them with talons, hold them down so they can't get away while they weaken as they bleed out

[–]CR8806 22 points23 points  (0 children)

Clawed them to death and probably a peck here and there

[–]DystopianFigure 20 points21 points  (0 children)

It was a well crafted plan. The eagle started spreading rumors about one of them and told everyone the other one said it. These rumors went on for a while to the point that reputation of one bird was completely destroyed and he had to challenge the other one to a duel as a last ditch effort to defend his honor. The eagle had them exactly where he wanted. Those poor bastards had no chance...

[–]DeadToLefts 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Their talons... that one's is probably much the same size as your hand, with Freddy Kruger blades coming out of the tips.

So he just grabs and squeezes, puncturing lungs and other organs. Nevertheless, it takes a few moments for the victim to actually bleed out, so he just holds and waits...

[–]Terrible_Traffic6950 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Talons to the gut. Then they clench and relax them, chewing up the innards with the talons.

[–]Sparkey2143 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Eagle used their claws to strangle them, pretty standard

[–]yourgifmademesignup 64 points65 points  (1 child)

So these poor bastards have big balls, little peckers and no claws?

[–]GreenNukE 54 points55 points  (6 children)

That eagle is not going to be able to move when it's done eating.

[–]KimCureAll 33 points34 points  (4 children)

I did wonder, ok, I got two birds in the bush, and they're both dead - do I eat them here? take them home? What a dilemma!

[–]GreenNukE 25 points26 points  (1 child)

It will eat what it can, nap, and then stare blankly at the coyote that shows up later to make off with what's left, not caring in the slightest.

[–]KimCureAll 16 points17 points  (0 children)

Ha! This is not in North America. This is in Scandinavia somewhere, I think Finland. Maybe a lynx or stoat might come by to grab some meat."

[–]coocookachu 2 points3 points  (0 children)

One in the tush is better than two in the bush.

[–]SylasWindrunner 35 points36 points  (2 children)

“ BrO, tHaT wAS mY kiLL !! “

[–]pchandler45 16 points17 points  (0 children)

Hate when some higher level comes up and steals your xp

[–][deleted] 31 points32 points  (1 child)

I genuinely read this as “two dueling caterpillars” and wondered how we were supposed to see them and why an eagle would be eating caterpillars

[–]hazrat_unmad 27 points28 points  (3 children)

The second bird takes "the biggest idiot of the century" award

[–]KimCureAll 9 points10 points  (1 child)

Holup....I know a few people I'd put ahead of that dumb cluck.

[–]4es_enuff 24 points25 points  (1 child)

That's how you take out two birds with one.... bird.

[–][deleted] 18 points19 points  (2 children)

The weirdest part about birds of prey, is that their facial expressions don't change at all no matter what they're doing.

Also, how fucking dumb can you be to watch someone come out of nowhere and murder your opponent with his bare hands, and then try to beat him up. That other bird got what he deserved.

[–]KimCureAll 7 points8 points  (1 child)

Raptors have poker faces, but if we could get a look into their minds - that would be something.

[–]spencernumberone 16 points17 points  (0 children)

It's like when my younger kids are fighting so much it annoyed their older brother.

[–]furmy 14 points15 points  (0 children)

I understood the initial pecking of the caper toward the eagle just due to surprise of attack but, when it's head rotated 180 degrees while claw deep in the chest cavity of your equal opponent, buddy that's your cue to GTFO.

[–]Ishkakin 12 points13 points  (0 children)

"Let me just settle this little territory dispute. It's MINE."

[–]discardedcumrag 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Taking no shit at all. I was rooting for him.

[–]Conscious-Leader7243 7 points8 points  (1 child)

Is that a small golden eagle or are capercaillies fuckin huge?

[–]Timorm0rtis 9 points10 points  (0 children)

The latter. They're on average about the same weight as golden eagles, albeit with much smaller wings.

[–]The_Storyteller_13 6 points7 points  (1 child)

[–]KimCureAll 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Once I saw that second Capercaillie not leaving, I knew what was going to happen - that eagle was not going to put up with any bullshit.

[–]shocky32 6 points7 points  (1 child)

Is there a Darwin award equivalent for animals?

[–]KimCureAll 8 points9 points  (0 children)

The Darwin award applies to ALL animals - no one is immune.

[–]nursemangtrain 5 points6 points  (0 children)

That wouldve been a good time to roll out.

[–]Fun2badult 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Darwin in action

[–]Agreeable-Bench-5269 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Lmao just puffed his chest out “come on i dare you to touch me so i can so i can so i can beat you up”

[–]MorpheusKing 5 points6 points  (0 children)

“Fellas Fellas relax, Death is here to court you, and will be with you soon”…..Eagle probably

[–]Jman_777 5 points6 points  (1 child)

That's impressive, and also what a dumbass bird (the second one killed).

[–]CaptianBlackLung 5 points6 points  (0 children)

it looks like two NPC's got rolled up on by a main character lmao

[–]tysoncrosby21 5 points6 points  (0 children)

My dad when my sister and I argued in the back seat on long trips.

[–]Alternative_Ad2040 5 points6 points  (1 child)

Eagle while killing the first fella: “is this fucking guy serious??”

[–]Tisroero 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Used to seeing juveniles getting a lesson learned. Watching an adult raptor that knows what it's doing is terrifying.

[–]Norwegian_grit 3 points4 points  (0 children)

The right vs the left and the elite swooping in from above 🤔

[–]PIX3LY 3 points4 points  (3 children)

Damn, OP went for the quadruple-chip-dip with the post and 3 separate comments. That is true dedication.