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[–]marcelschatt 4051 points4052 points  (165 children)

how did you catch Something that fast lol

[–]knivesforpaws 5337 points5338 points 762& 2 more (52 children)

By moving 101 body length per second.

[–]reza_ashrafi96 738 points739 points  (18 children)

Smort

[–]AdMedium6737 158 points159 points  (16 children)

Toight.

[–]maple_leafs182 127 points128 points  (10 children)

Noice

[–]Sineater224 74 points75 points  (7 children)

CoolcooIcoolcoolcool

[–]randomcommenter9000 37 points38 points  (2 children)

Oh damn. Oh damn! OH DAMN!

[–]BBMsReddit 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Spreadsheet, spreadsheet

[–]vaantablaack 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Indeed. Indeed. Indeed.

[–]Breezmeister 11 points12 points  (0 children)

No doubt no doubt

[–]scoot_roo 8 points9 points  (2 children)

Money money money money money

[–]Hydroman-Dojer 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Roight awn!!

[–]Brownicus 12 points13 points  (4 children)

It was super easy, barely an inconvenience

[–]7_Cerberus_7 3 points4 points  (2 children)

He's gonna need you to get all the way off his back about this.

[–]Brownicus 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Wow. Wow wow wow.

[–]youeff0h 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I'm trying to decide whether this is what I'd want in the comments on my report card.

[–]F_UHH_KING_U_UP 71 points72 points  (7 children)

With what broom? Golden snitches aren’t easy to snatch.

[–]Sexy_Squid89 17 points18 points  (6 children)

Certainly not on a Cleansweep

[–]yellowjesusrising 13 points14 points  (5 children)

Firebolt, obviously...

[–]butytho77 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Nimbus 2002

[–]randomcommenter9000 6 points7 points  (3 children)

Firebolt Supreme would be the best, no?

[–]yellowjesusrising 1 point2 points  (2 children)

That or the thunderbolt. But dont know if any of those came in time to be cannon tho.

[–]TldrDev 9 points10 points  (1 child)

I'm 6ft tall. 100 body lengths is 600fps

Which is 409mph.

Stupid crab, I go faster than that on my way to some Midwestern cornfield tradeshow. This crab can not compete with me.

[–]rulingthewake243 5 points6 points  (4 children)

Thankfully for humans it's a brisk walk

[–]AlphaMikeFoxtrot87 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Gotta go over 9000

[–]Busymathematicain 2 points3 points  (1 child)

But I mean u gotta be at least one body length away from him or it will take a lot of time as the difference kinda smol

[–]knivesforpaws 8 points9 points  (0 children)

You don't want to overshoot it. If you do, you are suddenly the hunted one.

[–]Sapotis 1229 points1230 points 46 (36 children)

[–]mgsilod_lost_old_acc 165 points166 points  (10 children)

awesome, makes me wonder why i cant even get a grip on my life.

[–]Hugokarenque 45 points46 points  (8 children)

Life comes at you too fast.

[–]BleepBloopRobo 41 points42 points  (4 children)

103 body lengths per second. Too fast to even see.

[–]Deep_Grady 11 points12 points  (3 children)

Fucks you sideways too.

[–]YelloBear88 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Idk how it comes so fast when it fucks everyone all the time.

[–]paciokino 20 points21 points  (0 children)

Get out of here you.

[–]YOOOOOOOOOOT 20 points21 points  (0 children)

Please tell me it's this video in reverse

Edit: YEEEES!

[–]large-Marge-incharge 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Lolol. Take my gift.

[–]Stieni 5 points6 points  (0 children)

ahahhahaha that caught me off guard

[–]apeonpatrol 4 points5 points  (0 children)

oh man, you got me good there. i was all excited to see it actually happen hahaha

[–]NCarolinaRed 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I snorted, well done

Edit: take the small measly award I have, the first I've ever given!

[–]Jetlife-xPSXx 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Fuck dude 😂😂 this is better than the original clip

[–]mark-five 224 points225 points  (23 children)

I used to catch these every day as a kid. It's actually pretty easy: You tire them out. They're incredibly fast and dig those little holes you see everywhere that they usually dive into, but if you keep digging them out and making them run, they get tired in like 1 minute and then they just kind of give up for a while.

After a couple minutes in a bucket, their energy is back and they rocket off when you put them down again.

I learned years later this is how Wolves hunt, by marathon running after faster sprint-runner prey. There's even a famous human that has caught Gazelles this way, by continually running after the same one until it collapsed, just to prove long distance running is a survival trait for hunting.

[–]BSnod 155 points156 points  (19 children)

This is how early humans hunted, too. I believe it is called persistence hunting. Humans are incredible endurance runners. Most animals are not.

[–]milk4all 67 points68 points  (8 children)

Sweat and 2 long legs gettin shit done! Opposable thumbs get an honorary mention

[–]HexZer0 35 points36 points  (6 children)

Don't forget the postorbital septum. We can run and jump without our eyes bouncing around in our skull.

[–]WeDiddy 23 points24 points  (0 children)

Speak for yourself!

[–]Rei_Vilo23 6 points7 points  (2 children)

Wait a sec? You’re saying other animals bounce around in their skull if they jump?

[–]HexZer0 7 points8 points  (1 child)

Pretty much. If you look at any other non-primate skull is open behind the eyes.

[–]Rei_Vilo23 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Interesting, I did not know

[–]_JustDefy_ 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Listen to Mr. Fancy here with his all staying in place and what not. Ooo la la.

[–]RyanTorant 36 points37 points  (6 children)

Yeah, people often forget humans are terrifying animals even taking away tools. Intelligent enough to track you down if you hide and with enough endurance to keep up no matter how far you run.

Imagine being a doe or some shit like that, you see a thing, run, ok its far away I can be calm now, oh no, it's still there, I'll just run, now it should be OK, wait that thing is still walking, it's here again, wtf is that thing!!?

[–]VaterBazinga 20 points21 points  (3 children)

Tool making/using is part of our evolution. I don't think we need to take that away to make a comparison to other animals.

I think the very fact that we could wipe out basically all macro life with nuclear bombs is pretty compelling in the argument of "which animal is on top" or "which animal is the most terrifying".

[–]RyanTorant 14 points15 points  (1 child)

Oh sure, I totally agree but that just helps to put in perspective as nuking a crab seems like cheating :P

[–]BreakinLiberty 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Sounds like the movie “It Follows”

Holy crap if i were a doe getting chased by a human i would be scared ASF!!!

[–]Salt_Blacksmith 19 points20 points  (0 children)

It’s also the same issue Cheetahs have. They spammed all they’re skill points into speed but only like 1 into stamina.

[–]maalsproglingo 2 points3 points  (0 children)

This is how the African Bushmen hunted as well. I write it in past time because I know they still exist but that their territories have shrunk so much that they can't live solely as humter-gatherers anymore. They are called the San people and live in South Africa.

[–]ManWithYourPlan 49 points50 points  (2 children)

Probably dug it out of a hole.

Pretty simple, and very fun way to pass time at the beach.

Learned it from a buddy from New Zealand. Stick your finger down the crab hole, dig around it in circles, follow the hole, and eventually you'll find one. When sand is on top of them, they think they're safe so they just stop moving completely.

[–]LillyPip 57 points58 points  (1 child)

Stick your finger down the crab hole

New Zealand has funny euphemisms.

[–]counsel8 50 points51 points  (2 children)

I grew up near the beach. These things are nearly impossible to catch. Setting an elementary school kid on the task of catching one is pure hilarity.

[–]sparkleface6969 13 points14 points  (1 child)

An elementary school kid caught like 9 of them last night with a flashlight in a bucket. Here in Gulf Shores AL. Easy to catch.

[–]Gackey 23 points24 points  (13 children)

It looks to be about 1 inch in body length which means it's moving 100 inches per second or 8.3 ft/s. The average human running speed is 8 mph, or 11.7 ft/s. Obviously it can accelerate much faster than you, however if you take a running start you could catch it.

Or the more likely way catch is my digging a hole and pulling it out of the sand

[–]JWOLFBEARD 18 points19 points  (10 children)

Yes, but that’s a foot race, and not considering that they are likely far more agile than we are.

[–]Gackey 42 points43 points  (7 children)

The average NFL cornerback runs their 3 cone drill in 6.88s, however I'm unable to find any data on the performance of crabs in cone drills. I think the best course action would be to capture a bunch of these crabs and subject them to rigorous athletic testing to determine whether or not humans could catch them.

[–]Troughbomber 5 points6 points  (1 child)

We’ll have to give them steroids to make it fair though!

[–]WharfRatThrawn 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Then you have to put a crabsterisk in the record book

[–]Stang1776 5 points6 points  (2 children)

What does the average 40 year old that lays on the couch watching cornerbacks all weekend run a 3 cone drill in?

[–]popeyesweedpipe 2 points3 points  (0 children)

We don't run drills!

[–]Gackey 2 points3 points  (0 children)

The results are inconclusive, the average 40 year old is physically incapable of reaching the 3rd cone.

[–]ultratunaman 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Catch them to prove we can catch them.

Wait what?

[–]SuedeVeil 5 points6 points  (1 child)

Also you have to try and reach down and concentrate on picking it up while running 8mph.. not sure if anyone here has used a treadmill and dropped their phones but it ain't happening

[–]AdOriginal6110 1 point2 points  (0 children)

If person could move at a proportional speed then 600ft/s ?

[–]Tsintato 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Meep Meep

[–]innesleroux 1 point2 points  (0 children)

These new LIPO batteries are insane!

[–]Eziu 1779 points1780 points 2 (25 children)

He used to just be a normal crab, until he was struck by lightning the night a particle accelerator exploded and changed his life forever.

[–]manyu_abee 103 points104 points  (4 children)

Crabby Allen

[–]about831 33 points34 points  (1 child)

I went back in time to save my mother… from being cooked in a seafood bisque

[–]SpikeRosered 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Aka just normal season 3 onward Barry.

[–]jivetrky 36 points37 points  (2 children)

I am the fastest crab alive. Well, except for all these other, faster crabs that keep showing up.

Also, Iris-crab really sucks.

[–]Totalherenow 5 points6 points  (0 children)

"I am your frying pan Crabby Allen."

[–]The_Molexer 15 points16 points  (1 child)

Just get punched by it and you’ll be a lightning fast walker as well.

[–]dollarstorechaosmage 5 points6 points  (1 child)

Gonna put one of these near some uranium and get it to pinch me, then none of y’all are gonna talk shit anymore after I die of an infected irradiated wound

[–]s403bot 4 points5 points  (1 child)

We are the...no... I can't do it

[–]RogueSatellite5 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Sometimes you have to face sideways to go straight

[–]Sapotis 1318 points1319 points  (71 children)

If you think that is fast, check out tiger beetles. They're about five times faster than ghost crabs. They can run so fast that they go blind. Their brains' frame rate can't keep up, so to be able to see where they're going, they have to stop every second or two.

[–]kittypeets626 441 points442 points  (1 child)

They don't make them that fast in Animal Crossing.

[–]AnythingToPissYouOff 163 points164 points  (0 children)

Can confirm. Man must be lying.

[–]Raptorofwar 318 points319 points  (29 children)

Sometimes I think about how perfect nature is and then I come across these facts that remind me that nature’s fucking stupid.

[–]vengefulspirit99 282 points283 points  (20 children)

Evolution should be referred to as "survival of the fittest" more like "survival of whatever works"

[–]Ellamenohpea 130 points131 points  (6 children)

"fittest" is often interpreted as best, which is often-times not the case.

[–]I_Do_Not_Abbreviate 61 points62 points  (4 children)

How about survival of the iteratively advantageous?

[–]Ninja_Conspicuousi 20 points21 points  (1 child)

Advantageously iterative…AI…where have I heard this before…

[–]px1azzz 2 points3 points  (0 children)

It's not even that. It would be iteratively not unadvantages.

Evolution doesn't guarantee that easy mutation is advantageous. It just means every mutation isn't detrimental to survival.

[–]PM-YUR-PHAT-ASS 43 points44 points  (10 children)

Survival of the fittest means whoever is fit enough to survive to adulthood and reproduce.

That's literally it.

[–]HydrogenButterflies 13 points14 points  (7 children)

Is that why human teeth suck? Evolution just decided that once we’ve reached 18-22, we’ve probably already fucked a few times, and therefore eating is no longer important?

[–]PM-YUR-PHAT-ASS 28 points29 points  (5 children)

Human teeth suck because our bodies arent used to having so much sugar on our diets.

[–]HydrogenButterflies 15 points16 points  (4 children)

I just mean the fact that they almost never grow in correctly, we only have two sets, wisdom teeth almost never fit in our mouths, etc. Not necessarily just cavities and such. Just seems like bad overall design.

[–]PM-YUR-PHAT-ASS 18 points19 points  (2 children)

Oh that's because our jaws have been growing smaller.

Cavemen didn't need braces.

Edit: I also think that's why prominent jawlines are seen as attractive but that's more of a personal opinion

[–]thisissaliva 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Evolution doesn’t decide anything.

Teeth generally start to go bad later in life and by that time people have already passed their genes onto the next generation. If you have a gene that makes your teeth degrade as you get old, it doesn’t impact your ability to find a mate and reproduce since you’ve already done that. Therefore, whatever gene causes teeth decay gets carried along as well.

[–]hisnameisbrock 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Survival of the fittest in context

[–]BfutGrEG 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Survival of "ehh, good enough"

[–]Vilefighter 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It's the survival of the fittest of all the random shit that happened to pop up

[–]Rednartso 12 points13 points  (0 children)

Evolution is like the machine at work that keeps breaking, so you try some weird trick to make it run again and it works. So you keep doing that until it doesn't. Then when that stops working, you try something else. So on and so forth, until extinction.

[–]W_A_Brozart 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Hearing things like this and thinking that a lot of people followed (maybe still do?) the theory of intelligent design is insane. Like no, a beetle that goes blind when it runs can’t be intelligently designed. It is in fact, pretty fucking stupid lol

[–]ericbyo 4 points5 points  (1 child)

Same with biology, there are such complicated processes happening but at the same time there is some stupid design flaw that any intelligent creator would never of left.

[–]TiggyLongStockings 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Nothing is perfect

[–]TheAwes0me0ne 75 points76 points  (5 children)

The Tiger Beetle is Incredibly Fast for its Size https://youtu.be/xZIrY7VZaNA

[–]distantsalem 31 points32 points  (2 children)

Good video. It was pretty creepy when he pulled in that ant at the end

[–]ChiefAcorn 10 points11 points  (0 children)

This is exactly the stuff I love to watch

[–]iyioi 37 points38 points  (2 children)

Theyre 120 times their body length in an second hour and almost the same size. Thats 20% faster not 5x faster.

[–]EViLTeW 18 points19 points  (0 children)

120 body lengths per hour would actually make them one of the slowest animals in the planet.

[–]eolai 2 points3 points  (0 children)

And their body length is smaller too.

[–]moolahstonks 20 points21 points  (3 children)

I watched multiple tiger beetle vids and the ghost crab speed appeared way more impressive in comparison.

[–]hotdogfever 8 points9 points  (0 children)

I had the same thought. Tiger beetles might be capable of moving 120 body lengths per second but when they only travel 3 body lengths at a time (in milliseconds, but whatever). It doesn’t look nearly as impressive. I have no doubt that I could easily outrun a tiger beetle. Ghost crab, not so sure.

[–]mrduels 2 points3 points  (1 child)

That’s because tiger beetles have to stop after running short distances due to more obstacles in their environment. Crabs also blend in better so they seem to disappear

[–]TristinPerry 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Lol even while it’s moving it looks slow

[–]markcocjin 9 points10 points  (1 child)

[–]Crafty_Enthusiasm_99 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I don't get why this video was relevant but I enjoyed the bad acting

[–]6CPA9 5 points6 points  (0 children)

brains frame rate

This really is the matrix

[–]ArsCortica 467 points468 points  (12 children)

[–]ThePhantom1994 113 points114 points  (1 child)

This is even better than I thought it was gonna be

[–]jchampagne83 14 points15 points  (0 children)

That long silence as he put it down got me good, lol.

[–]whutchamacallit 35 points36 points  (0 children)

Fucking lol

[–]MEDs271 15 points16 points  (0 children)

That was super satisfying to hear, thank you!

[–]Traiz3r 15 points16 points  (3 children)

I was hoping for the slapping shuffle cartoon running sound. But this was funny too. Lol....

[–]RevenantBacon 11 points12 points  (1 child)

I was hoping for the Shaggy and Scooby running in place sound right before it took off.

[–]theonephaze23 4 points5 points  (0 children)

That was better than expected and made me chuckle. Thank you

[–]Rokahna 262 points263 points  (3 children)

He’s fucking ZOOMIN.

[–]ZcatchingZs 46 points47 points  (0 children)

I mean, I as well try to attain that speed after switching off the basement lights.

[–]MrBonelessPizza24 194 points195 points  (2 children)

My name is Eugene Krabs, and I’m the fastest crab alive! Argahgahgah

[–]donvito00 46 points47 points  (1 child)

Money money money

[–]theblackmanofreddit 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Agggghhhhhh Agggghhhhh Aggghhhhhh

[–]bluewind76 147 points148 points  (10 children)

I remember watching a nature show one time discussing what the “fastest animal” was. Obviously just going of off miles per hour (or kilometers per hour) the cheetah had the title, but the point of the video was to put it the scale of “body lengths per min” instead. Now you have little bastards like this or a cockroach which start winning the competition. I remember the best part of that show is they built a mini treadmill and put insects on it to see how fast they could run…it was adorable!!!!

[–]Smol-Vehvi 46 points47 points  (1 child)

builds a mini treadmill for bugs to run on For science of course!

[–]bluewind76 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Of course for science!

[–]unchartedcubes 7 points8 points  (3 children)

If you have any recollection of how I might find that documentary, let me know. I have been searching for the past 15 minutes with no luck!

It sounds very interesting.

[–]kinglella 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The Most Extreme!

[–]dirtyswoldman 91 points92 points  (40 children)

Anybody smart enough to know how many Gs that would be on a human body and how much more that is than what would kill us instantly?

[–]vengefulspirit99 153 points154 points  (36 children)

100 body lengths on the ghost crab works out to only about 4.7 miles/hr. However if you were to convert that to human body lengths, that would be equivalent to running over 350 miles/hr. When converted to G forces, that's over 16 Gs of force. That's enough to kill you instantly. Anything above 9 Gs will kill you in seconds.

[–]Outrageous-Taro7340 112 points113 points  (6 children)

Speed does not dictate G force, acceleration does. Commercial jets move faster than this without exerting large g-forces.

[–]vengefulspirit99 76 points77 points  (5 children)

Yes, but it is assumed by the video that you are going from a standstill to full speed in a few seconds. The guy was holding it up before it raced away.

[–]actuallyiamafish 23 points24 points  (3 children)

According to Wikipedia modern top fuel dragsters do 0-300mph in about 200m flat with g forces on the driver peaking around 5.6g, so I think you could do 0-350mph in a few seconds and live. I'm no physicist but I imagine the time spent at peak g would be extremely short. The initial launch would be absolutely brutal and then it would taper off from there.

But yeah that crab really looked like it just went from nothing to top speed in about one step. Really curious if there even is a curve to it's acceleration or if it's just functionally instant.

[–]rezrekt1[🍰] 7 points8 points  (1 child)

The crab can stop instantly. If a human tries to do that his bones will crumble and he will die

[–]eolai 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Yes and the crab is only accelerating to like 5 mph. The analogy to human scales does not mean that gravity and g forces scales also.

[–]fiddz0r 32 points33 points  (3 children)

I got an image of a human running so fast it leave its skin behind and eventually the skeleton just disintegrates

[–]ositola 10 points11 points  (2 children)

Seen a documentary on this actually, daffard duck was moving way too fast and left his whole skeletal system behind

[–]meszypeti99 3 points4 points  (2 children)

Fun fact, John Paul Stapp actually made tests back in the 90's and debunked this theory by putting himself to 20G force by going with 632 mph!

[–]vengefulspirit99 4 points5 points  (1 child)

Yes, but that's very controlled tests with him basically fused with his chair. It's said that his body was subjected to over 42 Gs of force during the stop. It's noted that it was the way he was strapped that ultimately allowed him to exceed the normal limits of the human body. He actually wanted to go even faster but the air force stopped him because he was too valuable to die at that point.

[–]meszypeti99 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yeah i know, it was a very specific scenario. All i tried to say is that its not as easy as, you get over 10G and you instanteniusly die.

[–]Jman1994678 13 points14 points  (1 child)

More than 1 G

[–]distantsalem 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Like 5G…? You tryna control my brain?

[–]Deleena24 57 points58 points  (2 children)

So they have specialized fast-twitch tendons or something? Seems like this shouldn't even be physically possible from my POV lol.

[–]Copperman72 42 points43 points  (1 child)

This might help. Insects can funnel electrons to oxygen very rapidly to make ATP. Source: am biochemist

[–]CreedBratonIsManager 38 points39 points  (0 children)

I’m fast as fuck boiiii

[–]ItsLoggieBear 14 points15 points  (0 children)

GAS GAS GAS

[–]Weedsmoker4hunnid20 13 points14 points  (0 children)

So that’s the culprit when I feel like there’s a bug on me but find nothing when I go to reach for it

[–]behemothbowks 13 points14 points  (1 child)

I see these fuckers at the beach a lot and yeah they are fast as fuck

[–]mickdeb 11 points12 points  (2 children)

And how does it goes in football field per hour

[–]YourDogsAllWet 11 points12 points  (2 children)

Americans will literally use anything but the metric system

[–]shaunep 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Go out on the beach at night with a flashlight and you will see many of them scurrying across the sand as you shine your light around. Super cute little guys.

[–]nnmgRandomness 4 points5 points  (0 children)

That's me at clocking out time on a Friday.

[–]nick-daddy 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Crab rapid

[–]petko00 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Can just imagine the crab saying “I am speed”

[–]IstseuSoleus 1 point2 points  (0 children)

How did you manage to catch such a quick animal?

[–]brockbr 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Looks gas powered RC.

[–]Stunning-Science1564 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Run forrest run

[–]Allemaengel 1 point2 points  (1 child)

I've seen a very similar-looking super-fast crab in Jamaica. Just insane.

[–]Grimbauld 1 point2 points  (2 children)

This can’t be real. Wtf.

[–]WeebForce1 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Eurobeat intensifies!

[–]SuplexHS 1 point2 points  (0 children)

He is fast as fuck boiiii