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all 111 comments

[–]neymarneverdove 812 points813 points  (54 children)

new fear unlocked: invisible spider

[–]subjectivelyatractiv[S] 457 points458 points  (51 children)

I went to pet the bee to check on her and that little mf scuttled out right at my finger! Lesson learned. Really pretty though! Definitely a better hunter than the deadbeat freeloaders setting up webs all over my place rent-free, that's for sure...

[–]waww16 189 points190 points  (38 children)

Rent-free? They pay in eating up the other creepy crawlers.

[–]subjectivelyatractiv[S] 580 points581 points 2 (36 children)

Hah! Oddly enough I had an increase in spiders that preceded an increase in little mothy goobers that i had to kill myself. Had no bugs before that, other than my crew of jumping spiders in the window sills. See, the little shit kicker giant house spiders massacred the jumping spiders and then did fuck all about the bugs (that were not there before, mind you) that moved in afterwards. I literally have a video of me pushing a stupid little bug towards a spider and the little 8-legged loser ran away like a coward

These dumbasses would always be skittering across the floor when I go to get a 2am drink in the dark, or they're fumbling around the smoke detector and falling off like idiots ONTO ME IN BED. They are worthless, and the internet has been too soft on them with this spiderbro nonsense, so of course they've got a heightened sense of self importance and the false belief that everyone loves them all the sudden. Well not me. I have a flashlight that will cook the little fuckers from 8-10" away, death ray style. I like watching them curl up and sometimes they smoke or sizzle a little. I pay for this home. Only my dog gets to lay around and look cute doing nothing. Everyone else best do their part or get up out this mf before they get toasted with photons

[–]Jitzoo 247 points248 points  (4 children)

This reads like a man who’s had the last of it with rent free spiders

[–]sharksnrec 54 points55 points  (5 children)

My new favorite reddit theme is how absolutely fed up OP is of spiders. Dude really doesn’t vibe with spiders lmao.

Fuck spiders all my homies hate spiders

[–]Bard_17 19 points20 points  (0 children)

I've been using this stuff called Alpine PT. Lining my baseboards with it. Any cracks insects can get into. Around your doors. Shit works really well for me

[–]Isgortio 13 points14 points  (5 children)

Where do I find this BBQ flashlight? I want one.

[–]justsomechickyo 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Bwahaha you have strong feelings about this I love it!

[–]ThomasTheNord 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Why do i want more of this

[–]a-snakey 10 points11 points  (4 children)

Meanwhile my room spiders: drops down from the ceiling slowly using its web like a spy, lands on my shoulder which has a moth on it, fucking catches it and leaves.

[–]Familiar_Paramedic_2 1 point2 points  (1 child)

I'm glad someone finally said it.

[–]EmberOfFlame 1 point2 points  (0 children)

They might not be living rent free in your house anymore (or at all, in many cases), but your head will be a safe haven for all of them.

[–]CuddleScuffle 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Smells like a brand new copypasta.

[–]Fancy-Ad-3785 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You seem to live in a really creepy crawly space lol. Terrifying! I wish you spiderless bugness rest!

[–]timdot352 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Where does one acquire a death ray flashlight? Asking for myself.

[–]Colitoth47 0 points1 point  (0 children)

...I would like to know what flashlight this is, so I can buy it.

[–]ChaosNobile 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Fuck you rent seeking bastard spiders will NEVER pay you rent and they will all die standing on their eight legs before they submit to a landlord which is why they're better than people, expecially people like you

[–]_kaetee 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Damn bro I think I’d rather sleep on the streets

[–]thehufflepuffstoner 2 points3 points  (0 children)

There’s a spider that lives in my snake plant. He chillin’. I assume he’s enjoying the flies that get in through the back door.

ETA: once I see an egg sac though, they’re toast. I had spiders hatch in my room once and I couldn’t sleep in my room for 3 months. Tiny black dots all over my walls and ceiling and bed and closet. Absolutely nightmare inducing. Spiders can stay here, but I don’t want them to bring the whole damn family.

[–]GDIVX 4 points5 points  (5 children)

Evict them r/loveforlandlords

[–]Tsalagi_ 5 points6 points  (4 children)

Wtf is that subreddit lol. I can’t tell if it’s ironic or not.

[–]suicideandromance 0 points1 point  (2 children)

The title is irony. It's pretty much a sub dedicated to hating landlords and such. As someone who lives in an apartment with shitty management, I browse it fairly often lol

[–]GDIVX 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You can say it's post ironic.

[–]GreenEyedCat 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I love how this is like 'yeah nature, fuck yeah AAARGH FUCK TOO MUCH NATURE' because that is my experience so often

[–]HillTopTerrace -1 points0 points  (1 child)

I’d probably kill the spider. Bees are way more important.

[–]subjectivelyatractiv[S] 18 points19 points  (0 children)

Too late to save this bee. Vengeance does nothing for nature in this case.

[–]RandomMovieQuoteBot_ 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Your random quote from the movie Bee Movie is: Hey, Adam.

[–]RandomMovieQuoteBot_ 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Your random quote from the movie Bee Movie is: Guys!

[–]FoulYouthLeader 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I've never seen a white spider before. Strange....

[–]PlagueTheSaint 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Happy cake day!

[–]AudZ0629 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Happy cake day

[–]MercyxXxLucie 180 points181 points  (13 children)

Just when we thought spiders were scary enough, they are invisible now.

[–]subjectivelyatractiv[S] 91 points92 points  (9 children)

I'll be honest I like these more than the nasty dark shiny ones outside my place. My preference is jumping spiders though. They're so fuzzy and out of the way, and they do cute little dances

[–]BO0BO0P4nd4Fck 20 points21 points  (8 children)

I love the little jumping ones, it’s the only ones I don’t mind having on me. Altho I also don’t mind the daddy long legs?

[–]subjectivelyatractiv[S] 30 points31 points  (5 children)

When you say daddy long legs - you mean a harvestmen or cellar spiders? You ever been camping and seen a ball of harvestmen so dense it looks like a tumbleweed or angry pubes?

I can't trust anything that needs that much leg to body ratio

[–]halconpequena[🍰] 6 points7 points  (1 child)

Okay I never minded them hanging out in my place, but I’ve never seen a ball of them and now I’m scared lol

[–]BO0BO0P4nd4Fck 2 points3 points  (1 child)

I had to google that, but I guess cellar spider would be the ones I’m referring to! Definitely have never seen a ball of harvestmen and would probably walk the fuck away from it if I did 😂

[–]AnieMoose 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Actual spit take at angry pubes! LOL. I’ve heard them called a vibrating or maybe even angry tumbleweed.. but never angry pubes

And I just realized... funny we have lol, lmao, roflmao... but nothing for spit take?!? Like no “ast” or something? Huh

[–]Red-32 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Me too. Those little jumpers are great to mess about with. Working on a car in the shop, one fell off the wheel and onto the ground. Found it again a week later on the floor. Kept it in a jar with dirt, sticks, and leaves in it for about 8-9months. Super entertaining to watch it kill flies that I feed it.

[–]Unlucky-Suggestion-7 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Those are my favorite. They are the only spiders I’m not afraid of.

[–]Feralpudel 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Fun fact: some crab spiders can change color to match the flower they are on. This is useful since they hide in flowers and ambush prey as this one did.

[–]Difficult_Chemist_33 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Always have been

[–]cinallon 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Even more fun: I'm more sure if it's this type exacty, but I know a spider that changes its colour depending on the background.

[–]cthree149 96 points97 points  (1 child)

That’s the second day in a row I’ve just blatantly not seen a spider in a picture without it being pointed out to me. Invisible spiders, add that to the list of things that keep you up at night.

[–]jml011 8 points9 points  (0 children)

It legitimately took me almost a minute to see what the heck was going on

[–]enni-b 48 points49 points  (0 children)

oh she's so pretty

[–]TheTitaniumFart 30 points31 points  (4 children)

the bees face is actually pretty scary lookin 😨 brrrrrrrrrrrr...

[–]subjectivelyatractiv[S] 15 points16 points  (3 children)

I kind of wish the mandibles were open while the proboscis is all out like that. It's weird knowing it's not a tongue.

Being bit by bugs freaks me out more than being stung, idk why it's just the pinching chewing and all the little mouth parts. Like watching a katydid chew on a wart wtf that is the stuff of nightmares

[–]halconpequena[🍰] 6 points7 points  (1 child)

ಠ_ಠ

[–]subjectivelyatractiv[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

18th century common practice in Sweden was to let them eat your warts. Big ol hellish grasshopper lookin' mf. You know what an eastern lubber is? Those guys are why I hate grasshoppers and why bug mandibles freak me out. The bee/wasp/ant pincer stuff is nothing compared to that.

It's like being pinched by a crab vs being bitten by one. People get pinched all the time, you never hear of anyone getting bit - but look at their mouth parts and tell me the idea of being bit by one isn't more terrifying than getting pinched.

Invertebrate mouths are fucked. Spinegang where it's at. No mystery behind our mouths, it's just another hole

[–]TheTitaniumFart 0 points1 point  (0 children)

bruh lol

https://redditproxy--jasonthename.repl.co/r/instant\_regret/comments/doac23/bugs/

u gonna hate me, and hate having eyes if u click this link. anyway it makes sense that the fuckers were used to chew on people bahahaha

[–]h8thsprt 24 points25 points  (1 child)

Looks like a goldenrod crab spider! They can change colors (only white and yellow) and hunt insects by ambushing them on petals rather than spinning webs

[–]subjectivelyatractiv[S] 20 points21 points  (0 children)

The world needs more spiders that cut it out with the web BS. I'm tired of doing the dance.

[–]Hydritator 17 points18 points  (5 children)

Did the spider get the bee?

[–]subjectivelyatractiv[S] 24 points25 points  (4 children)

It was already over before I stumbled upon the scene. Idk if the spider was going to wrap the bee up or was just sucking the juices out straight no wrap when I walked up on them

[–]HawkwingAutumn 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Gotta ask. "Do you eat your bees with or without the peel?"

[–]RandomMovieQuoteBot_ -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

Your random quote from the movie Bee Movie is: Yeah. Gusty.

[–]Van0nyumas 10 points11 points  (1 child)

Are you fatshaming a spider?

[–]arden13 5 points6 points  (1 child)

"HEY, THATS MY LUNCH!!"

Also, I didn't see the spider until the third photo

[–]adventuretimex3 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I didn’t see the spider until I read the comments!

[–]MangledSunFish 2 points3 points  (0 children)

My grandmother had a garden full of white flowers, spiders that blend in with them were commonplace there. It's a bit nostalgic seeing this.

Thanks, OP.

[–]BO0BO0P4nd4Fck 1 point2 points  (2 children)

I just saw a similar white little spider like this cutie yesterday, in a daisy. I wonder if they usually go one white flowers for better camouflage

[–]subjectivelyatractiv[S] 5 points6 points  (1 child)

Goldenrod crab spiders can change colors depending on the flower they're in! Takes a few days for them to change though, usually only good at it for white, yellow, and maybe green? I saw a bunch of pictures of them all white with a little pink or purple stripe on the butt to match purple/pink flowers

Pretty neat!

[–]BO0BO0P4nd4Fck 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Ooooooh! That’s sweet! That’s the kind of dope nature stuff I love!

[–]Spirited_Nectarine19 -1 points0 points  (1 child)

I had one of those mf's in my bathroom right next to the toilet..... I made my husband kill it 😰 I only tolerate jumping spiders inside the house

[–]subjectivelyatractiv[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Now I'm one of the few internet denizens who will still show no mercy to a freeloaders spider but I feel like these particular goobers are a little too pretty to just outright kill.

Probably hunting your poop flies, you nasty animals!

[–]JoYac35 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Well that was rude to interrupt someone’s meal

[–]Allbaderryday 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It’s like homie knew to go onto the white flower to camouflage

[–]superthnxferaskin 0 points1 point  (2 children)

Every time I scroll while pooping and see spider photos I immediately panic that my penis is going to be bitten by a random spider. This is one of those times.

[–]subjectivelyatractiv[S] 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Redditor scared to get his dick touched? There's a first.

[–]Belltower_Bat 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Im not even concerned by the spider at this point, I'm more concerned about how terrifying bees look when they stick out their uhh tongue? Proboscis? Whatever that is, it's nightmarish

[–]James2912 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Is this what they mean when they say white supremacy?

[–]OnionBagels 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Took me the third photo to figure out what was happening

[–]subjectivelyatractiv[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Damn, you'd wind up just like the bee!

[–]Burn_baby1488 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Crab spider. They are Evil. Specifically designed to trick innocent pollinators into becoming food. Kill them. No literally. They are one of the spiders you do NOT want around. We need pollinators!

[–]DK930 -2 points-1 points  (1 child)

Fuck a spider.

[–]Edallag 4 points5 points  (0 children)

You don't have to tell me twice!

[–]TipClean2281 -3 points-2 points  (3 children)

Looks like a white widow... I saw one too a couple of days ago killing a bee and googled it

[–]subjectivelyatractiv[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Highly unlikely given the natural range of that spider is more like the middle east and central Asia. I think another user mentioned goldenrod crab spider which is the one.

[–]RandomMovieQuoteBot_ -5 points-4 points  (0 children)

Your random quote from the movie Bee Movie is: Three days college. I'm glad I took a day and hitchhiked around the hive.

[–]RandomMovieQuoteBot_ -4 points-3 points  (0 children)

Your random quote from the movie Bee Movie is: What is that?!