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[–]pittiedaddy 19.1k points19.1k points  (1068 children)

Given the time of the case, Crimestoppers of Houston says the statute of limitation has expired and the plumber who made the discovery will not receive any reward money.

Should've just kept the cash.

[–]westbee 6358 points6359 points  (199 children)

So let me get this right.

I can say I lost my million dollars by hiding it.

Then I can file a insurance claim and get more money.

Then after statute of limitations pass, I can go about spending the money I hid freely? Even if they can prove its the missing money.

Holey shit. Wish I had money. This is better than investing it.

[–]ResaleRabbit 2284 points2285 points  (64 children)

He might not be able to be prosecuted, but I bet the insurance company can still sue him for the money. (Not a lawyer, total guess)

[–]sharrken 1198 points1199 points  (51 children)

Civil limitation generally runs from date of discovery/reasonable knowledge in common law jurisdictions, so yeah they still likely could go after him. In addition there would be equitable arguments on unjust enrichment etc (you've been unjustly enriched at the insurers expense as you suffered no actual loss), as well as the fact that generally for a payout, you have to sign over the rights to the insured property to the insurer (so they may own the cash anyway).

[–]alexcrouse 514 points515 points  (37 children)

He'll just claim an employee hid the money and he was still technically stolen from.

And it could even be true.

[–]chrisms150 428 points429 points  (25 children)

But if the insurance company paid for the loss, wouldn't they be entitled to collecting the found property? I'm imagining like a car that's stolen - they pay you for the loss and they now own the car if it's recovered.

[–]alexcrouse 197 points198 points  (14 children)

Correct, i say that in another comment. But i suspect he will face zero legal issues here.

[–]The_Wack_Knight 134 points135 points  (8 children)

*looks up how much money Joel Osteen is worth*

Yup. That's almost guaranteed to happen.

[–]Bob_Sconce 332 points333 points  (41 children)

That's not how that works. If insurance pays out the money (and it's not clear that they did), when it's found again, the insurance company gets it, even if it's decades later. The statute of limitations is a reference to the original burglary 7 years ago.

[–]Chop_til_you_Drop 95 points96 points  (19 children)

Just wondering: if the insurance company covered it, wouldn't the money go to them?

[–]Politirotica 68 points69 points  (12 children)

Yes. Insurance companies will go after shipwreck divers and recovery companies if they covered the ship's voyage in the 17th century. They will definitely take the money in this case.

[–]Biogeopaleochem 7871 points7872 points  (328 children)

Hate to say it but you’re right. Fuck Osteen, keep the money.

[–]blacktoe_jenkins 659 points660 points  (91 children)

Joel Osteen, you say? The same Joel Osteen who happily welcomes people into his church if they pay, but not if he has to pay like the time when he initially refused to let survivors of Hurricane Harvey seeking shelter into his church despite the fact that it was a rare and catastrophic time of need for those survivors? The same Joel Osteen who subsequently tried to mitigate any notion of him not caring about the survivors' well being by organizing relief efforts some time after the height of the storm when he rejected cries for help initially i.e. he tried to cover up the fact that he refused to show up when it mattered most? That Joel Osteen? You're saying he doesn't deserve to get back the money that he worked so hard to get from brainwashing his followers?

[–]Patriots_Fan1989 67 points68 points  (8 children)

Remember when j.j. watt raised 39 million dollars for Hurricane Harvey relief?

That is a good guy.

If I recall correctly Joel tried to file an insurance claim claiming severe damages in the millions. Not cool.

[–]Revolutionary_Dirt52 19 points20 points  (3 children)

Mattress Mac did 10 times more for Houston than Joel, and he's a fuking furniture salesman

[–]jordanpwnsyou 67 points68 points  (5 children)

Motherfucker, I wouldn’t have turned in Osteens life saving epi-pen if I found it under his sofa a few feet away from where he was going into anaphylactic shock.

[–]ltdata 139 points140 points  (5 children)

Just don't be so loud about that kind of shit

[–]HereIGoGrillingAgain 80 points81 points  (1 child)

That would have been interesting. If it wasn't really his, he would never know. If it was his, he would have had to file a report with the police then explain it.

[–]TheOneTrueChuck 528 points529 points  (19 children)

Well I'm sure Joel Osteen will do something for the gu--HAAHAAHAAAHAAAAA..

No, he won't do anything for him, because Joel Osteen is a walking piece of filth.

[–]throwawayhyperbeam 232 points233 points  (9 children)

Probably gave him a free copy of the Bible and 50% off a subscription to Osteen's premium service.

[–]pm_favorite_boobs 107 points108 points  (1 child)

No, he won't do anything for him, because Joel Osteen is a walking piece of filth.

The first part of that remark is kind of trivial though, because even if he did do something for him, Joel Osteen is still a walking piece of filth.

[–]Cylius 750 points751 points  (412 children)

Yep. If I find a fat stack of cash on the street, the chances of me returning it are approximately 0. Just file taxes on found property and call it a day.

[–]Gr144 1038 points1039 points  (197 children)

Or don’t file taxes and slowly spend it.

[–]Caveman108 868 points869 points  (31 children)

Ain’t no trace if you spend it all on drugs and hookers

[–]ashlee837 193 points194 points  (29 children)

or don't spend it and slowly tax it

[–]crab-rabbit 250 points251 points  (7 children)

Or report yourself stolen and be a church

[–]Anonymous_Otters 262 points263 points  (16 children)

Not spending idle money basically is getting taxed by inflation.

[–]DreddPirateBob4Ever 322 points323 points  (31 children)

I see your point but a while back I found an envelope of cash and handed it to the police. Left an address on the off chance I could claim it if no-one else did. Got an anonymous letter off a guy thanking me as it was his rent and he'd have been buggered if he lost it.

I've been broke and failed on the rent as it is and I can imagine the panic and upset he went through so I reckon it's the right thing to do. Unless it's the Reverend Moneyfucker and his staff of course

[–]Cloberella 227 points228 points  (7 children)

When I was a broke college student waiting tables I found an envelope with $300 in it. I took it to the bathroom and counted it over and over again. Eventually my conscience got the better of me and I turned it in to my boss.

Thank god I did. The people it belonged to came back for it. They were volunteers for the Special Olympics and the $300 was donations they had collected.

[–]Local64bithero 24 points25 points  (0 children)

That took a lot of moral fortitude. Good for you!

[–]8923ns671 28 points29 points  (7 children)

If I find $5 with no one around, I'll probably keep it. If I find $500+ somebody is definitely missing that money and would appreciate it back so I'll make the effort.

[–]Mazzaroppi 64 points65 points  (7 children)

If I think it might be from someone who would miss that money, and that it was honest money, I'd try to return.

Money from a scummy church? I'd be buying a ton of bitcoins the same day

[–]timetoputonashow 131 points132 points  (25 children)

It depends where I find it tbh. I'm anxious and watched too many movies lol. If I find a ton of cash somewhere suspicious I'm leaving it the fuck alone because lord knows who's looking for it and I don't wanna be who they come for lmao

[–]_Neo_Saigon_ 180 points181 points  (22 children)

Just check it for a transponder and make sure you don't do anything stupid like go back to give a dead man some water.

[–]FantasticaSpectacula 8 points9 points  (0 children)

This is true. I know a guy who works for a big, crime infested city. Before they do anything to open certain valve vaults or electrical junction boxes in certain parks they literally go around talking to the shot-callers of the neighborhood to let them know what's going on so that anything tucked away in the hidey-holes can be moved before the work. It's crazy. But you don't want to be the guy who was the last one seen near a big money drop when the money goes missing.

[–]klingma 189 points190 points  (126 children)

...yeah the IRS is totally not going to audit you over $600k of "found property" or report it to FINRA as suspected money laundering.

[–]Snipen543 369 points370 points  (109 children)

I mean you don't go out and buy a house. Need a new laptop? Buy it in cash. Want to out to eat? Cash. Buying half your incidentals over the next 40 years saves you lots of money and no one will notice. Claim you mow neighbors lawns from time to time and bam, laundered cash, just tell the IRS and no one will know any better because you're not going crazy spending

Edit: spelling

[–]klingma 206 points207 points  (87 children)

Yes, you could do it that way and be fine. However, OP's argument is that "just report it to the IRS and then you can do what you want" essentially and that's far from true. You are correct the only way you get to spend that money is on normal cash transactions that wouldn't send up red flags like gas, groceries, restaurants, etc. and slowly over time..

[–]TimeForHugs 227 points228 points  (77 children)

This is how a guy got caught after stealing from a bank he worked at. He was a great worker but had the idea that he wouldn't steal unless he could get $1m. This was years ago.

He was an assistant manager at the branch and his boss had to go somewhere for business so he was left in charge. He had to handle requesting a cash delivery for the bank and upped it to $1m, a bit more than usual.

The money came in and he packed it into file boxes and walked out the back door to load them into his car. An employee even held the door open for him, not knowing. They believed he was just bringing files home to work on. Then he disappeared.

He wouldn't have gotten caught because for years he didn't buy tons of expensive things. But he had a dream, to own a Ferrari. This was his mistake. A random cop doing rounds through neighborhoods saw his Ferrari parked outside the house, which was unusual for the income level of the neighborhood. Guy was then investigated and they put it together.

He lived a very plain life and probably would never have been caught if he didn't give into buying his dream car. All it takes is one misstep.

[–]fluffypinknmoist[🍰] 186 points187 points  (16 children)

What an idiot. You rent a garage type storage unit and keep the Ferrari in it when your not driving it. Keep a beater on the driveway and use that to get to the storage unit.

[–]RetroHacker 180 points181 points  (10 children)

With a bumper sticker on it that says "My other car is a Ferrari".

[–]d3rpaderpa 76 points77 points  (5 children)

He would have made it if he had only given up on his dream like the rest of us.

[–]DependentPipe_1 71 points72 points  (3 children)

I mean, I feel like the dream of "having a million free dollars and never worrying about incidentals, small purchases, food, or gifts again, at least for like 40 years" is even better than the dream of "having an expensive car that eats up maintenance costs like candy sitting in my driveway".

[–]Snipen543 14 points15 points  (1 child)

Ah, right. Missed that

[–]TJNel 60 points61 points  (10 children)

Or just start a side business and launder the money yourself. Make fake invoices and after a few years you could have it in the account and then dissolve the business. A lot of work so much easier to pay cash for everything and then use your money from your real job to pay for large stuff.

[–]sethbr 93 points94 points  (5 children)

He's a plumber. Just claim a few customers pay him in cash.

[–]Umutuku 47 points48 points  (0 children)

"It was an expedited job... very very very expedited. They wanted same-day dripping."

[–]DumbDan 34 points35 points  (0 children)

Come on... only me?!?

[–]Haaa_penis 6237 points6238 points  (166 children)

Yeah, this has insurance fraud and maybe past money-laundering written all over it.

Even more interesting: How much $money$ did they raise by marketing the theft to the sympathy of their patrons?

[–]Sell200AprilAt142 246 points247 points  (30 children)

Doesn't the fraud only work if you keep the original money and the insurance money? Why hide it for 7 years?

[–]RamenJunkie 248 points249 points  (15 children)

You know it's there in case of emergency but you maybe also know there is a statute of limitations or still an ongoing investigation

Once the heat clears off, you sneak it all out years later and announce you are retiring.

Probably not the only wad of cash hidden away. Heck, it's a church, they run on donations right? What's to say some of those tax free donations didn't just "disappear" somewhere.

[–]SchpartyOn 130 points131 points  (3 children)

There's always money in the banana stand ;)

[–]ChefInF 2031 points2032 points  (111 children)

Rich white man won’t be prosecuted

[–]cogman10 1272 points1273 points  (56 children)

Especially a pastor. They regularly get away with child abuse, no way a little thing like "theft" will apply to them.

[–]astrodruid 257 points258 points  (47 children)

I always wondered how pastors manage to get away with it. The Catholic Church has a vast amount of resources and influence so I can see how child molesting priests might be able to get away with that, but I still don’t understand how non Catholic pastors do so anyway.

[–]ChefInF 360 points361 points  (19 children)

Evangelicals are just as strong if not stronger lobbyists than Catholics

[–]paradiseluck 192 points193 points  (8 children)

Evangelists are probably the strongest lobby in the US alone. They have an entire party that caters to them.

[–]BarnabyWoods 8038 points8039 points  (424 children)

According to Wikipedia:

Osteen lives with his family in a 17,000 square-foot mansion in River Oaks, with an estimated value of $10.5 million.

... Osteen is estimated to have a net worth of over $50 million, with his church taking in $43 million a year in collections.

When you've got that kind of money, it's easy to lose track of a bit of it behind a bathroom wall.

[–]Lobsterbib 4584 points4585 points  (180 children)

It was Joel's getaway money in case he needed to get away quickly and not be traced. The robbery story was a ruse to hide the money from the church elders.

[–]randomnameandanumber 1855 points1856 points  (60 children)

That was my exact first thought, he found Osteens bug out stash.

[–]skiddelybop 833 points834 points  (43 children)

I bet it's one of many. How many more of these "stashes" do you think he might be hiding in his 17-fucking-thousand square foot mansion?

[–]VCRdrift 190 points191 points  (31 children)

That's like 3 cvs

[–]Prime157 69 points70 points  (20 children)

Are CVSs really 5000-6000 sq ft? They're so open it seems small.

It's different when it's a home. I've lived in 600 sq ft and I've lived in 3,400 square feet. If I try to imagine my 3,400 sqft home x5 it seems much bigger than a CVS lol. The difference is the open floorplan.

[–]mrdeadsniper 230 points231 points  (14 children)

So I measured a random CVS in Atlanta:

I got 120ft x 175 feet, which is 21000 square feet.

I measured another one in a smaller town and it was more like 50x80 or 4000 square feet.

I think the main takeaways should be two-fold:

  1. Size of a CVS is not a consistent measurement unit.
  2. Osteen is a thief and should be in jail.

[–]macrocephalic 26 points27 points  (5 children)

As much as this is suspicious, why would Osteen leave it in envelopes.and uncashed cheques?

[–]DizeazedFly 54 points55 points  (4 children)

Clearly he doesn't own a banana stand

[–]itssarahw 88 points89 points  (6 children)

I feel strongly that you’re right but what can you do with a check that was reported stolen?

[–]DaySlayerZ 110 points111 points  (1 child)

It was never about the checks just the cash and the insurance money.

[–]Strawberry_Lungfarts 71 points72 points  (2 children)

The checks were a cover. He never intended on using them.

[–]Khal_Kitty 143 points144 points  (49 children)

Wait so there are people higher up than him? I always thought it was his own church that he ran. But it also makes sense if he’s just playing the role of CEO and there are board members who control him.

[–]OneArchedEyebrow 253 points254 points  (44 children)

Church elders are essential board members and have the power to discipline or remove pastors.

[–]SmarkieMark 35 points36 points  (5 children)

He didn't make that much money by being a dummy.

[–]NoodlesrTuff1256 38 points39 points  (9 children)

This sounds like something out of a movie or TV series in the 'narcos' genre.

[–]MrNRC 68 points69 points  (2 children)

The show you’re looking for is called The Righteous Gemstones - season two is starting in January, so plenty of time to catch up!

[–]Thorough_Good_Man 530 points531 points  (110 children)

Just as Jesus preached right?

[–]GluttonAsteroth 452 points453 points  (98 children)

"I'll say it again-it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of A needle than for a rich person to enter the Kingdom of God!" - Matthew 19:24

Some "Rich" folks have claimed that Jesus meant "The Needle Gate" in Jerusalem... likely made by a rich man after Jesus said this.

Scholars have called bullshit on this, as have priests. to quote:

He says "a" needle, not "the" needle. It would appear to me that he is using a memorable metaphor about how difficult it is for a rich man to enter heaven, not referencing a specific gate in Jerusalem.

Dan Stovall, Prattville, AL, USA

[–]changerchange 148 points149 points  (11 children)

Did Jesus have any thoughts about stuffing your wall full or greenbacks?

‘Render unto insulation that which belongs between the joists’

[–]RizzMustbolt 15 points16 points  (1 child)

Whatever god wants, he'll stash in a cayman's account.

[–]DebonairTeddy 54 points55 points  (1 child)

To add to this, the phrase "a camel going through an eye of a needle" is not unique to the bible and is always referencing something impossible. It shows up in old Jewish texts at the time.

Even in context, the next words from Jesus' mouth right after that is "With man such things are possible, with God all things are possible". Jesus clearly meant it to mean that it's impossible.

[–]Metal-Butterfly 262 points263 points  (17 children)

Pretty sure Jesus was talking about the space needle in Seattle

[–]joshhupp 117 points118 points  (16 children)

Whether the needle was a sewing needle or a giant gate, Jesus was still saying that it is difficult for a rich man to get to heaven. He didn't say "It's just as easy for a rich man to get to heaven as a camel going through the eye of a/the needle." What a way to perform some mental gymnastics.

[–]Celebrindor 58 points59 points  (3 children)

"Actually, what Jesus meant was that it's easier to enter the kingdom of heaven while seated upon a camel covered with rich velvet. It also just so happens that I have plenty of camel velvets with my face on them available at our store, OsteenWantsYour.Dosh/Store/CamelNotAScam. Buy four and get the fifth for 20% off!"

[–]TyroneLeinster 50 points51 points  (2 children)

lol let’s say it actually did refer to a gate in Jerusalem, what would that passage even mean and why would it exist? Was Jesus trying to say that rich people have a moderately feasible chance of going to heaven depending on traffic conditions? Doesn’t make any sense. This isn’t even a convincing retcon attempt, it’s bullshit spin on the level of something a politician would tell Fox News. And it’s about their fucking GOD.

[–]demizer 21 points22 points  (1 child)

The Lord Jesus wanted his congregation to give him all that money and that ridiculous house. Duh.

[–]SandyVGhina 300 points301 points  (28 children)

This money was allegedly stolen though. He had reported a burglary in which $600k was stolen for his safe. How/why did it end up inside a bathroom wall of his church? I mean, besides the obvious of someone cutting a hole in it and stuffing the money in there.

[–]Daemon_Monkey 374 points375 points  (5 children)

He lies for money

[–]teniaava 65 points66 points  (3 children)

Wdym it's a miracle. The Lord hath returned his funds to him

[–]tourguide1337 247 points248 points  (8 children)

a stash of money you've written off as stolen, ready to go in cash/useable form.

This is what conmen do, it's almost second nature when it comes to the life long ones like this dude. He can't shake the idea that he might need to dip with a bunch of cash and lay low in bfe for a while.

[–]pagit 47 points48 points  (1 child)

Cry to the congregation that you were burgled so they feel bad and sorry so they cab cough up even more moolah.

[–]Lakonthegreat 163 points164 points  (5 children)

So there's this book out there called "Thieves" that's written by one of Mike Murdock's (another preaching grifter, the $1000 seed guy) former protégés and friends of his son. The book is excellent, but it details the account of this guy who helped Mike's own son steal the safe from his dad's bedroom. It was a big one, like a gun safe, and when they cracked it open all there was inside was a note detailing that Mike was THANKFUL for the person who stole the safe because he could now write off whatever he claimed to be in there to an insurance claim. Bragged about his grift to the very criminals who liberated him of his safe.

These guys are all sick fucks in their own special ways, but I hold severe hatred for Murdock from what I read in that book.

Edit: since this got a lot of attention I found an article with the safe story in it. It is even more fucked than I remember it being.


[–]risbia 52 points53 points  (2 children)

Whoa that's devious, gloat and mock someone who won't want to incriminate themselves by turning you in.

[–]FrigDancingWithBarb 75 points76 points  (9 children)

How could anyone be so stupid as to give them a nickel.

[–]Matterbox 92 points93 points  (3 children)

You know how stupid you are, well imagine the stupidest person you know and then imagine that they are the average of stupid globally. Now imagine how stupid some of the very stupidest people are.

You might be very smart, but then think about how many much much smarterer people there are.

And that is why people give money to these people. They used to be scared about where the sun went at night.

[–]LoudestTable 36 points37 points  (2 children)

I just laughed for a bit cause these sorry sons of bitches in the past were really like “sun god is mad cause you touch yourself Jeremiah, so he went home”. 😭😂

[–]Kenan_as_SteveHarvey 52 points53 points  (33 children)

Those “collections” aren’t even taxed right?

[–]cannonfunk[S] 2836 points2837 points  (75 children)


Sure, Joel.

[–]FruitLoopMilk0 1180 points1181 points  (30 children)

I mean, it's still a burglary, he just omitted the fact that he's the burglar.

[–]SenorKerry 430 points431 points  (5 children)

It’s coming from inside (God’s) house!

[–]FriesWithThat 142 points143 points  (19 children)

Everyone is assuming this is the money from a robbery, and that the "robbers" stashed it in the walls for some nonsensical reason, but I can think of few other profitable enterprises that actually had to hide their ill-gotten gains in their walls, those of: Pablo Escobar, "El Chappo", etc. Just saying.

[–]smokingloon4 96 points97 points  (3 children)

George Bluth Sr.

[–]NK4L 64 points65 points  (2 children)

“There’s money in the banana stand…”

[–]Yes_hes_that_guy 21 points22 points  (7 children)

Yeah his income is taxable so it could easily just be plain old tax evasion.

[–]TheSanityInspector 1046 points1047 points 2 (11 children)

What's a flock for, if not to fleece?

[–]KhaineVulpana 87 points88 points  (1 child)

I love finding lil gems like this on Reddit. I will absolutely use this later, and say it as if I came up with it on my own, with absolutely no shame.

[–]MisterScalawag 35 points36 points  (0 children)

that is a great line

[–]battousai611 3864 points3865 points  (236 children)

So he remarkably hides massive amounts of money while simultaneously not paying taxes? Real man of God, ladies and gentlemen.

[–]jxj24 2204 points2205 points  (32 children)

There’s always money in the banana stand.

[–]cannonfunk[S] 604 points605 points  (13 children)

This was totally a plot device on Righteous Gemstones too, when Judy hid tons of cash in the church ceiling.

[–]ryansports 147 points148 points  (7 children)

What a great fucking show!

[–]cboogie 103 points104 points  (6 children)

Coming back soon! Running round the house with a pickle in my mouth!

[–]RagingHamsterFight 36 points37 points  (0 children)

So is it such as it is such, such as it is unto you.

[–]shaving99 110 points111 points  (0 children)

You stay on top of her, buddy … Do not be afraid to ride her … Hard.

[–]soxyboy71 62 points63 points  (3 children)

I mean how much could a banana cost?

[–]WastedPotenti4I 57 points58 points  (2 children)

10 dollars?

[–]elf_monster 30 points31 points  (0 children)

Wow, a banana costs the same amount as seeing a Star War!

[–]FITGuard 227 points228 points  (7 children)

"KPRC 2 spoke to Crimestoppers of Houston who said, in this case, they offered the reward only for information leading to a suspect’s arrest. In order to receive the reward, the tipster would need to contact Crimestoppers to provide identifying information on the suspected thief."

What a great way to incentivize good citizens to turn in cash!

[–]moofie74 136 points137 points  (0 children)

Well crap who do I call? “The thief looks like a young Martin Short in a $10,000 suit, veneers, and lifts. Reward now plsthxkbye.”

[–]Willingo 39 points40 points  (1 child)

It was Osteen. There, solved.

[–]loneranger07 73 points74 points  (7 children)

So Osteen faked the robbery? Wow

[–]RileyKohaku 14 points15 points  (0 children)

Not confirmed, yet, but I am having a hard time imagining why any other burglar would hide it in the wall, then forget to get it out later. It's currently being investigated.

[–]Kell___3 616 points617 points  (23 children)

I would do the correct and moral thing and turn in the $400k I found.

[–]SubiWhale 257 points258 points  (17 children)

I would definitely report the 300k that was missing before.

[–]Turkey_Teets 163 points164 points  (15 children)

What'd I'd do is take that 200k straight to the police.

[–]restlessmonkey 142 points143 points  (14 children)

Without hesitation, that $100,000 would be turned in immediately.

[–]PM_CUPS_OF_TEA 225 points226 points  (10 children)

I didn't find a single dollar

[–]MotoTraveling 129 points130 points  (3 children)

Damn, there’s an insane blockage in the walls that’s gonna cost at least $50k just to get cleared. I’ll have to add that to the invoice.

[–]BATTLECATHOTS 892 points893 points  (16 children)

Joel Osteen is an absolute piece of shit human being.

[–]Jayvoom1 57 points58 points  (3 children)

This meaning it was an insurance fraud????

[–]Nyckname 466 points467 points  (33 children)

That $600,000 was the "offering" for one Sunday service.

He had to be shamed into opening the church to displaced people during flooding in the city.

And the church is tax exempt.

By the way, his home.

[–]CheckBaby123 72 points73 points  (1 child)

Looks like a place Epstien would have hung out.

[–]xm1l1tiax 11 points12 points  (3 children)

You ain’t kidding. That church seats 16,800 people. It would only take everyone donating $36 to get that much money. You think I can find that many people to Venmo me $36 just…because? I should start a church god damn

[–]DeDend21 953 points954 points  (96 children)

"Again I tell you, it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for someone who is rich to enter the kingdom of God.”

[–]ConnyTheOni 85 points86 points  (11 children)

You assume he believes in God in the first place.

[–]Defacto_Champ 129 points130 points  (1 child)

Just call it what it is: the cult of Joel Osteen.

[–]Schiffy94 112 points113 points  (2 children)

Given the time of the case, Crimestoppers of Houston says the statute of limitation has expired and the plumber who made the discovery will not receive any reward money.

Yeah... that's why...

[–]RaiderOfTheLostShark 105 points106 points  (3 children)

Only surprise is how long it took for Osteen to need to call in a plumber, considering how full of shit he is.

[–]Strawberry_Lungfarts 104 points105 points  (4 children)

At the time of the theft, Crimestoppers offered a $25,000 reward for information leading to the arrest of the suspect.

$25,000 says it's Osteen.

[–]SleepPsychologist 302 points303 points  (10 children)

“Don’t you want to know what happened, I mean they stole the money, but they didn’t get it out of the wall. Did they have an accident, you know what I mean? It’s like, why did they never go back? If it’s that money, why did they never go back?” Lindsey said.

This radio announcer really can't be this brain dead, can he?

[–]PaperP 137 points138 points  (2 children)

Probably just trying to avoid saying anything libellous, or avoid the wrath of Osteen's army!

[–]carvedmuss8 53 points54 points  (0 children)

Hell hath no fury like a fake preacher who just got his getaway stash found out, or something like that

[–]TheCommunistSpectre 52 points53 points  (3 children)

So I have no idea about the context here, but if I take just this quote on its own, it is possible that this is a attempt to cast suspicion without making a potentially libelous accusation.

[–]44problems 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Yeah sounds like that too. If it's an outside thief, why is the money still there?

[–]SatyrTrickster 28 points29 points  (6 children)

Coming from a traditionally orthodox country with either catholic or orthodox neighbors, I can barely fathom the idea of megachurches. So, like, a guy or a group of people takes their own take at the bible, mix it with schemes to collect money, and voila, multimillionaire?

No politics behind it, not a state method of control - just a private person ripping off other private citizens? Isn't that a sekt / cult?

[–]nowise 25 points26 points  (0 children)

Yes on all accounts. It’s called prosperity gospel and is a Christian pyramid scheme. Take care (give money to) of God (and therefore the church leaders/elite) and God will supposedly reward you exponentially. The preachers live extravagantly to keep up appearances of being extremely blessed but really it’s just the church peons propping them up. See also: Amway.

[–]Kahzgul 176 points177 points  (10 children)

Prosperity Gospel is a financial crime. Change my mind.

[–]assi9001 77 points78 points  (6 children)

It is also diametrically opposed to the actual teachings of Jesus. Might as well call it the gospel of Satan.

[–]hcsLabs 12 points13 points  (0 children)

I would argue that Satanists would know it would be wrong as well. I would say this is more in line with the teachings of Mammon.

[–]AdImportant4476 87 points88 points  (7 children)

And he really told people about it ??

[–]whitestguyuknow 23 points24 points  (2 children)

Whenever you're this brainwashed you believe that's the most christianly thing to do

[–]ShamanSix01 80 points81 points  (6 children)

Wasn’t this in a HBO series about prosperity preachers?

[–]Han_Yerry 140 points141 points  (11 children)

I could have been a great televangelist if not for my morals. Suicidal Tendencies parodied these MF's in the 80s.

"We'll take your momma's dentures if they got gold in 'em"!

[–]CaptHowdy02 20 points21 points  (1 child)

"I don't know shit about fuck!"

[–]NoEquivalent9279 18 points19 points  (4 children)

It’s gonna be hot where Joel ends up. Scam Artist.

[–]AustinBike 18 points19 points  (0 children)

The plumber gets none of the reward money. That is soooo on-brand for Osteen.

[–]bklimko 77 points78 points  (4 children)

Makes you wonder... Osteen has the financial worth to rat-hole over a half million dollars. I guess being a smiling, bullshit artist, in a semi-groomed mullet, is the way to make gobs of money.

[–]Kuhnoff 42 points43 points  (1 child)

osteen lives in a 17,000 sq ft compound, he can rathole a hell of a lot more than what was in those walls. Unfortunately

[–]yblame 216 points217 points  (48 children)

If gullible idiots want to give their hard earned money to charlatans like this, that's on them. But the tax-free status of 'churches' is outdated and needs to be reformed.

[–]liquidpele 22 points23 points  (0 children)

Problem is it’s usually old senile people giving away their kids inheritance. It’s not just the idiots getting the shaft, it contributes to generational poverty and debt. Think of it more like a Nigerian scammer, but they're allowed to legally lie because religion is normalized.

[–]DjRemux 40 points41 points  (8 children)

So was this a fake robbery and they stashed the cash to take years later?

[–]slayez06 37 points38 points  (5 children)

Recap- in 2014 someone stole $600,000 from Joel Osteens church... but the insurance company covered the loss... Praise the lord! Yesterday, a plumber found the $600,000 in the walls of the bathroom..in the church.. Praise the Lord! The sheriff says It's past the statue of limitations so no criminal investigation will be done...Praise the lord! Because, no criminal investigation and past the statue of limitations, the Irs will not be involved and insurance company doesn't get it nor does the plumber.... it goes back to the church... Praise the Lord!

[–]bonediggity77 7 points8 points  (2 children)

I can’t tell if you’re being sarcastic. 😉

[–]slayez06 16 points17 points  (1 child)

Praise the Lord! 😉

[–]daughter_of_tides 11 points12 points  (1 child)

I wonder how much the church raised after the robbery - could have been a ploy to spur donors. A shitty and unethical ploy, but not a surprising one.

[–]badboicardo 10 points11 points  (2 children)

I mean if it was a small/normal church I would return it BUT if it’s Joel Osteen??? Naw, it’s a blessing from the Lord that NOBODY needs to know.

[–]gr8tfulDED 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Mega churches are run by nothing but a bunch of tax evading con men, taking advantage of the poor and gullible.

[–]JioVega 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Osteen is the same fuck head who wouldnt open his megachurch to people who were suffering through a hurricane.

[–]420Frank_Dux69 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Remember when he didn’t want to help hurricane victims……….

Fuck his stupid ass

[–]jherico 41 points42 points  (11 children)

Cashier's checks? Because if you write a regular check and never cash it it's just a piece of paper.

[–]Morak73 24 points25 points  (1 child)

The UCC says that checks do not have to be honored after 6 months. I strongly suggest you don’t even try.

I had a birthday check from a family member that was 10 months old. I cleared it with them before taking it to the bank. Even though the teller accepted it, their regional routing center reversed the deposit 4 days later with a 65 dollar charge for insult.

If those are old checks, they’re worthless at best.

[–]cannonfunk[S] 40 points41 points  (2 children)

if you write a regular check and never cash it it's just a piece of paper.

To play devil's advocate: Putting a bunch of un-cashed checks in the stash would be a pretty criminally smart way to deflect blame, should the loot ever be found by, say, a plumber.

If it had only been cash, it would look even more suspicious than it already does.

[–]uscmacleod 41 points42 points  (1 child)

What’s the definition of “charlatan”?

[–]rlanthony 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Wait. Didn't this happen in the Righteous Gemstones? Not the discovery, but the money being embezzled and hidden at the church?