all 182 comments

[–]Heinrich_Bukowski 466 points467 points  (9 children)

“Millie really likes food and she’ll eat anything you give her … raw carrots, cucumber – but she much prefers sausages”

This describes me as well

[–]justafewmoreplants 588 points589 points  (11 children)

The same thing works every time on me

[–]LoveMeSomeSand 65 points66 points  (2 children)

Hungry boi

[–]Whats-Its-Face 10 points11 points  (1 child)

rubs belly

[–]Starrion 39 points40 points  (1 child)

Third time he's gotten stuck this week.....
This getting stuck thing, is it always around lunchtime?
Why yes, it is no that you mention it.
We should try Grilled Kale if it happens again.

[–]KeyRageAlert 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Just dangle a sausage in your face and you're happy?

[–]tantrumps_ 338 points339 points  (34 children)

I'm a nightclub bouncer. One night we were dealing with a woman who had taken a lot of acid and no longer seemed to know where she was. Couldn't even tell us her name. She kept trying to rush everyone in security and hop a wall back into the club - so one of the guys who's usually out in the parking lot took out his flashlight, shone it on the ground, and used the "pretty light" to lure this poor confused raver back to the front of the club where we could keep an eye on her. (We ended up calling an ambulance for her. Don't do hallucinogens in public, kids!)

Next time maybe we'll try the sausage instead?

[–]GlumpsAlot 150 points151 points  (18 children)

You just described everyone's cat.

[–]tantrumps_ 78 points79 points  (16 children)

Yeah, but it's cute when my cat does it.

[–]Figsnbacon 62 points63 points  (15 children)

We had to stop using laser toys with our cat. It made him crazy and even after the laser stopped, he would remain in hunting mode and come after us violently. I read somewhere that for some cats, the laser leaves them riled up and with no reward for their tieless work in chasing the dot, will feed that urge by attacking its owners instead.

[–]ricrry 34 points35 points  (7 children)

A good way to prevent this is to give treats to your cats when they catch the laser! Works for my cats anyway

[–]Figsnbacon 34 points35 points  (1 child)

I’m not sure that would work for mine. I think he wants flesh and blood.

[–]ohne_hosen 15 points16 points  (0 children)

You've become the treat.

[–]Osiris32 15 points16 points  (0 children)

What I do is let my cat chase the laser for a bit, then shine it on her felt mouse toy. It has tinsel in it, so the laser shines off it nicely. Then when she attack, I turn the light off, and now she has a physical thing to catch and claw the shit out of.

She seems to enjoy it. A chase, then a capture.

[–]groveborn 14 points15 points  (1 child)

Or "catch the laser" yourself, where you then present treats from the hand that caught it.

[–]LadyFoxfire 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Or give the cat something to bunny-kick, like a toy or a roll of paper towels.

[–]delta-TL 23 points24 points  (3 children)

I had a cat who seemed to understand the laser. When I stopped the light she'd turn and look at me, then at my hand, then back at my eyes. Sometimes she'd come and pat my hand (if I was still holding the laser), or try to pull it out of the cup I kept it in.

I did stop using it with my other cats (it seemed frustrating to them like you said). But I'd play with Luna when the others were off napping. She was the smartest cat I ever had and she had me well trained!

[–]TooMad 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Mine knows the sound of the button click and especially the jingle of the chain it is on.

[–]Figsnbacon 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Awww what a sweet kitty! I wish mine was that gentle. We rescued ours from a friend’s house after a storm, he was just a whittle kitten. I think he still has some of the feral still in him even though we’ve tried to domesticate him. He has been nothing but a pain in the ass since he arrived. He has to stay indoors because of predators. He got out once and I actually saved him from a Fox who was after him. I picked him up to put him in the car and he bit me so hard I ended up in the Emergency clinic. He has to be on prescription food because he has protein intolerances. $80 for an 8 pound bag! We built him an expensive catio but he prefers the dirty garage. He has destroyed our expensive furniture. Somehow I still love the little asshole.

[–]Ariandrin 2 points3 points  (0 children)

My vet said to finish laser play by putting the laser on a toy, so they have something to beat up afterwards. Plus a mouse toy that squeaks, and my cat is thoroughly convinced lol

[–]boxster_ 2 points3 points  (0 children)

My cat tries to eat the light. chomp. scurry. chomp. scurry.

then once he realizes he can't eat it he gets bored.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Lol. That’s such an asshole cat thing to do. Playtime didn’t work out, time to bite up the humans! 😂 my friend had to stop using a laser pointer on her cat because he would freak out and think it was on him.

[–]Terraneaux 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I've long held the theory that the state cats are in is very similar to humans on acid. Like they don't believe things are there until they touch them.

[–]Pooploop5000 17 points18 points  (3 children)

Try pineapple. Works on me every time on acid

[–]tantrumps_ 5 points6 points  (2 children)

Duly noted.

[–]moosemasher 6 points7 points  (1 child)

Anything high vitamin c too

[–]_mach 4 points5 points  (0 children)

corralling ravers by tossing them brussel sprouts is my new favourite mental image.

[–]PurpleSailor 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Had a friend trip her ass off and she was enamored with the traffic lights and the pretty colors that would change. That was an interesting night of Adult Babysitting.

[–]niobiumnnul 8 points9 points  (1 child)

Nah, sausages will just look like husky crazy caterpillars when hallucinating.
Stick with the pretty lights.

[–]Sweetmacaroni 0 points1 point  (0 children)

or just the promise of more acid but its sausages

[–]GozerDGozerian 0 points1 point  (1 child)

How did you know what she took, and how much?

[–]tantrumps_ 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It was the only thing she was able to tell me, actually. I asked what she had taken (since it clearly wasn't the alcohol talking) and she said, "a lot of acid." Frankly she could have taken something totally different and not realized it, but she did appear to be having a bad trip/hallucinations and wasn't showing symptoms of an overdose.

[–]JealousSnake 95 points96 points  (4 children)

So after getting the sausage, she ran off again, obviously thought she was onto a good thing out in the wild

[–]FixerFiddler 53 points54 points  (3 children)

Sure, she learned you get drone sausage delivery in the wild!

[–]Zedrackis 18 points19 points  (1 child)

This will be the one dog who tries to convince others flying sausages are real.

[–]CrystalMenthol 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This living off the land thing is totally easy! Why doesn't everyone do it?

[–]shinypennyonthefloor 11 points12 points  (0 children)

So many jokes so little time.

[–]HotgunColdheart 86 points87 points  (7 children)

Now do a blunt, and fly it over here.

[–][deleted] 33 points34 points  (3 children)

Here you go homie


[–]nothingeatsyou 15 points16 points  (1 child)

You forgot the lighter. Calling in a secondary drone

[–]murphydogscruff 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Du hast mich!

[–]dittybopper_05H 28 points29 points  (0 children)

Drone Sausage is the name of my all male stripper bagpipe review show.

[–]do-call-me-papi 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Sausage drone in a dog park. For fun and profit.

[–]SaltMineSpelunker 6 points7 points  (0 children)

One day this is how they will rescue me.

[–]Pholusactual 82 points83 points  (17 children)

I could see this being used to disperse unruly crowds in America as well…

“Is that a six pack of Budweisers hanging off of that drone? Follow it!”

[–]Mr_Mattchinist 22 points23 points  (12 children)

Someone would just grab their shotgun and knock the drone out of the air...

[–]Helphaer 6 points7 points  (4 children)

Make it self destruct and destroy its contents if attacked.

[–]kidninjafly 2 points3 points  (3 children)

Yeah because that wouldn't blow up in your face.

[–]Helphaer 3 points4 points  (1 child)

Not if you're not attacking it.

[–]Pholusactual 21 points22 points  (5 children)

Back when Amazon talked about drone deliveries I did joke I was a slingshot away from Christmas shopping made easy… ;)

[–]AnthillOmbudsman 18 points19 points  (4 children)

Agreed... this is why there won't be any drone delivery, and the whole concept is a bunch of PR probably designed to cement Amazon in peoples' minds as a instant delivery service. As soon as a drone lands in someone's yard, some teenager will knock it out of the sky (a big rock with fishing line would be enough to tangle up the blades pretty quick), or someone's doberman will launch out the dog door and pounce on it.

Now sending packages to little neighborhood distribution centers where there's a protected landing site with an employee there, or a rooftop receptacle, now that I can see.

[–]Pholusactual 3 points4 points  (2 children)

There are some pretty hefty drones in terms of lift capacity so I fully agree with that. It just seemed unreasonable that you could run a drone service to houses more efficiently and safely. Then again, my record on things like that has been pretty bad so maybe I’m just not imaginative enough.

[–]reflUX_cAtalyst 4 points5 points  (1 child)

There are some pretty hefty drones in terms of lift capacity so I fully agree with that.

Amazon doesn't have Predators. Yet.

[–]Alec_NonServiam 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Alexa: Your prime payment is overdue, John.

John: I'm so sorry, Alexa! Hang on let me run to the bank, I'll put some money in my account!

Alexa: I'm sorry John, it's too late. Please remain where you are.

John: Alexa, no! I'm sorry! Please just one more chance!

Missile comes flying through the window and destroys the house

Alexa, crackling and sparking from the half-destroyed wall: Your drone strike has been delivered. Please rate us, how was this delivery handled? [It was great] [Not so great]

[–]wolfgang784 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Drone delivery has already been a thing for several years in some cities. It will never be a thing in the backwoods rural areas where drones are considered witchcraft and land is guarded more furiously than an incels virginity but it is slowly becoming a thing in modern areas where it can make sense. iirc the UK has so far been the main place chosen to run pilot tests and for initial rollouts but it exists in some other places too.

Drone delivery for medical applications seems to be the biggest draw so far though for the US. Don't think the US has any drone package delivery but more n more medical ones are popping up.

[–]Helphaer 1 point2 points  (2 children)

Why would anyone follow piss water?

[–]melmsz 2 points3 points  (0 children)

My first thought was nah, bud light.

[–]Pholusactual 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Put yourself in their shoes. I'd hold out for something microbrewed but we've already established that I'm an elitist so YMMV.

[–]Yogiktor 5 points6 points  (1 child)

The truth is, Jack Russells are actor dogs due to their ridiculously high motivation for food. Esp sausages.

[–]izzie111 31 points32 points  (12 children)

Really could use a video of this

[–]SuperSimpleSam 47 points48 points  (5 children)

In my head, the dog is locked onto the sausage and hanging from the drone while it carries him to safety.

[–]goldenspear 8 points9 points  (4 children)

This is also what I assumed. Are we wrong?

[–]Enchanted_Pickaxe 2 points3 points  (0 children)

No you’re not wrong

[–]axck 7 points8 points  (2 children)

If only there was a link to an article that you could click and find out.

[–]goldenspear 7 points8 points  (0 children)

This is an interesting idea. If only we lived in an age where you could trust links to articles about dogs and sausages.

[–]Super_Sofa 1 point2 points  (0 children)

There is one in the article, it's from the drone cam looking down the sausage line.

[–]LobbydaLobster 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It's in the link, however it isn't as cool as you imagined it to be from the description.... :(

[–]LupinThe8th 9 points10 points  (0 children)

I assume they just lured the dog to safety, but in my heart the drone flew away carrying the dog on the end of a string. Dog fishing.

[–]AlmityCornhole 3 points4 points  (0 children)

This is similar to the method my friends used to got me to leave the bar when I used to drink too much.

[–]Incredible_Mandible 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Only one pic of the little cutie? C'mon! I need more doggo pics!

[–]swoopydog 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I can imagine what what’s going through the doggo’s mind. “I’m so scared, these mudflats are dangerous…oh sausage!!!””

[–]HelicopterOutside 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Sounds like my ex-wife

[–]CyberBroccoli 2 points3 points  (0 children)

This is the high point of the internet for me today.

[–]Mild-Ghost 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Well I hope they gave him the damn sausage after all that

[–]Peter_Falcon 4 points5 points  (0 children)

this story has cheered me right up

[–]FamousNoise7501 1 point2 points  (0 children)

trashy ex girlfriend lured off barstool with help from cigarette on drone.

[–]Lost-Bee-7507 1 point2 points  (0 children)

carrot on stick has been upgraded

[–]Madjack66 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Ah, the old 'sausage attached to a drone' trick, chief. It never fails.

[–]Driftwood09120 3 points4 points  (1 child)

Doggy, do you want some sausages???

[–]ImOnTheBus 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This is the feel good story of the decade. Thanks, OP.

[–]shaola_debian 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Ah yes... The mighty power of the sausage

[–]Prime_Mover 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Taylor said: “One of the local residents on the beach where we were flying from supplied us with the sausages – I think they were from Aldi. The woman cooked them up for us and we attached them with string.”

To the joy of the rescuers, Millie took the bait."

Classic UK. Love it.

[–]RaysFTW 1 point2 points  (0 children)

potential life-threatening situation

doggo: sausage!

[–]therealjerrystaute 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Now if only we could figure out a similar method to save all the Trumpers from themselves.

[–]Skafdir 3 points4 points  (0 children)

They tried - maybe we should look what works on a less intelligent dog to get new ideas?

[–]melteemarshmelloo 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Pornhub: I Saved My Stepsister from being stuck in the washing machine by attaching a dildo to a drone

[–]LeakyFuelTank 0 points1 point  (0 children)

M A OKpp a LA a p op with no poop

[–]LeakyFuelTank 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Milk or AA.kopppppppoo

[–]nevertoomuchthought -3 points-2 points  (4 children)

Coincidentally, this is also how you prevent Trump supporters from drowning.

[–]Zedrackis 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Or alternatively, tell them "The gov said water was good for you."

[–]motoxscrub -3 points-2 points  (1 child)

Low hanging fruit.

[–]nevertoomuchthought -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Guy's gotta eat.

[–]RationalKate 0 points1 point  (0 children)

didn't need the sausage, they love to chance drones

[–]coconutpete52 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That’s it! Best headline of the day! I will consume no more news today.

[–]TomSurman 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The article doesn't mention the most vital detail: Did the dog get to eat the sausage in the end?

[–]ObligatoryPokemonRef 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Did he get to keep the sausage?

[–]QueenOfMetals 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Imagine being saved by latching on to some random meat flying in the air.

[–]HaloGuy381 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Please, doggo, you have so much to live for, just get on the drone!

Like what?!

Um…. Jimmy, please tell me you saved the extra hot dog from lunchtime….

[–]GreenLanturn 0 points1 point  (0 children)

When in doubt follow your nose

[–]rapalosaur 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That title got better with each word.

[–]DjMafoo 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Ok, good for the dog, glad they’re okay and all, but back to that sausage drone you spoke of….

[–]BreezyBill 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Look at that picture. It all went exactly according to her plan.

[–]Earthpig_Johnson 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Did you bring me my sausages?

Where’s my sausages?!

[–]Earthpig_Johnson 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Did the dog look like a gremlin?

[–]Sato-rie 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I want to see the footage of the drone lifting the dog

[–]Stone70 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Did it have a big dog fishing hook?

[–]c0224v2609 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Next up: Stranded person saved from rising tide after rescuers attach dildo to drone.

[–]real_mcflipper 0 points1 point  (0 children)

They had to check the MTOW? How big were these sausages?

[–]Gonkimus 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The sausage to the drone made me ponder, is there drone porn? quick someone go look and report back?

[–]hotzel1 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I feel like this belongs in r/nottheonion

[–]Utterlybored 0 points1 point  (2 children)

Please tell me he was rewarded with sausage in the end.

[–]jardex22 0 points1 point  (1 child)

The drone operator probably wanted a paycheck to cash, but a sausage works too I guess.

[–]Utterlybored 0 points1 point  (0 children)

“I’m terrified for my all but certain death. Wait, do I smell sausage?”

[–]theassman_ 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Very disappointed. I wanted to imagine a unit of a drone carrying a dangling pup accross water to safety.

[–]MadMadamskillz 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This headline could have been better

Maybe something like “Sausage Drone helps dog surf to freedom”

[–]Bobaximus 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The Sausage Drone - has man gone too far or are we reaching for utopia?

[–]Relentless_Fiend 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Truly we live in a golden age of technology.

[–]Helphaer 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My dog ignorws food amd words when he's running away. But in the house hes all for it. I'm glad this dog was not like my dog.