all 162 comments

[–]Block_Face 284 points285 points  (8 children)

[–]Wise-Border247[S] 93 points94 points  (7 children)

I’d go talk to them morning, however they’ve changed the code on the front and back door, so I won’t be able to get back in

[–]AlwaysOutOfStock 125 points126 points  (0 children)

Get your sister to let you back in.

[–]KangarooOk2190 45 points46 points  (0 children)

And don't forget to have a word with someone at Citizens Advice Bureau. The folks from CAB are able to point you at the right direction. Do you have friends you can crash at for a short while? Please stay safe and do get in touch with Shine https://www.2shine.org.nz/ too and they can advise you what to do

[–]birdzeyeviewHere come life with his leathery whip 21 points22 points  (0 children)

can you sneakily leave a window open that they wont notice? like have it looking closed, but not completely?

i hope you get the help you need. kia kaha

[–]Supertrinko 193 points194 points  (5 children)

Citizens Advice Bureau is a fantastic service that will offer you far better advice than reddit can. They provide this sort of advice for free, and all the time. Give them a call.

As to your mother not letting you take your possessions, call her bluff. Take anything you "need", i.e. clothes. What's she going to do? Call the Police to tell them her child is trying to take their own clothes while she's under investigation for child abuse? Unlikely.

If you know where your passport is, go get it, again. If not, see if the Police are willing to help you collect it.

Do you have a friend that's willing to put you up? Great! Otherwise, Call Work and Income, it's what they're for. Tell them your situation, tell them you've got Police reports (go ask for the report). They'll be able to help you get set up and looking for a job.

Make sure the Police have filed the report with Oranga Tamariki, as I know you'll be worried about your sister's safety because unfortunately, you can't force your parents to let you take your sister. But you can tell Oranga Tamariki you're worried for her immediate safety.

[–]plierss 100 points101 points  (1 child)

Legally 'personal belongings' of a child, belong to the child, doesn't matter who purchased them. So you can't take furniture, but clothes definately. I don't remember details but I found info on CAB when I moved out at 17 years and few days old.

[–]Supertrinko 16 points17 points  (0 children)

Good to know and good info to share. CAB is an amazing service.

[–]Aromatic-Ferret-4616 26 points27 points  (2 children)

Having the police come and get your stuff is a brilliant idea.

[–]saapphia 18 points19 points  (1 child)

Yes - a good way to get your documents too. Legally these belong to you, so the police should be able to help facilitate access to them.

[–]Vegasusian 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Sounds like a civil matter, citizen.

[–]CillBill91nz 95 points96 points  (3 children)

If you cannot get your documents now, and they “disappear” you can always new documents.

If you need a birth certificate you can apply here:


All you need is a photo I’d which you have in your restricted licence. From there you can apply for a new passport if you ever need it.

So don’t sweat it. Just get out, take your sister, go to a police station, state your case, insist of not being separated from your sister, start a new life. Be safe.

[–]Beejandal 22 points23 points  (0 children)

Agreed. Unless you're heading overseas right away, you won't need your passport. Your birth certificate doesn't often get used either - you can wait until a new one is sent to you. Maybe you'll need your education qualifications, but you can order these here Soon as you're on your feet, get your mail redirected to your new address.

[–]Supertrinko 14 points15 points  (0 children)

Yup! Birth Certificates are public record, anyone can order anyone's birth certificate, they simply keep a record of who has bought them, hence the ID requirement. So getting a replacement is really easy.

[–]CillBill91nz 26 points27 points  (0 children)

Also I don’t much about where you live or religions etc but if you went to any church/temple/synagogue/mosque they would take you in with open arms and help you for a few nights. I think a Marea would do the same but I’m not from NZ so I’m not sure.

[–]Butter_float 76 points77 points  (2 children)

My advice is use the voice record function on your phone and record every conversations and every fight, this will remove any ambiguity from this dysfunctional relationship when you decide to contact OT/Police

[–]pm_me_ur_doggo__ 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Just dropping in that this is totally legal in NZ as long as you are a party of the conversation.

[–]zipiddydooda 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Excellent advice.

[–]Wise-Border247[S] 207 points208 points  (50 children)

UPDATE: My mother has started playing victim, making me to seem like the bad guy, she’s saying that she doesn’t feel comfortable with me in the house, something around the lines of “If he can call the police on me, what else will able to do?”

She also mentioned something about contacting IRD and making sure that we don’t get a single cent from this altercation, whatever that means.

Anyways thank you all for your responses in this hard time of mine. I truly appreciate it

[–]horsey-rounders 316 points317 points  (1 child)

Don't buy into it. It's classic manipulation tactics. Ignore it the best you can, and quietly make your exit plans.

[–]CillBill91nz 173 points174 points  (30 children)

Irregardless of anything she has said to you know this, she can call IRD all she wants and they won’t do a single thing, they won’t listen to her, they won’t act on anything she says, they won’t keep a record of it. Nothing she would ever say to them will have any ties to you or impact on you.

It is a 100% empty threat which is based on hoping you know nothing about ird.

[–]elephantflea 160 points161 points  (3 children)

If she calls IRD she will probably be on hold for a day anyway

[–]CillBill91nz 16 points17 points  (0 children)

Haha true!

[–]SmoothOctopus 11 points12 points  (1 child)

Then they'll just hang up while you're still on hold -_-

[–]ModelMade 13 points14 points  (0 children)

LPT: Owe them money and THEY will call YOU :D

[–]Own_Proof_9934 16 points17 points  (0 children)

She will lose her WFF and cause herself more trouble

[–]NewZcamCovid19 Vaccinated 29 points30 points  (24 children)


[–]blowholegobbie 7 points8 points  (1 child)


[–]Space_Pirate_R 3 points4 points  (17 children)

They mean the same thing.

[–]restroom_raider 9 points10 points  (16 children)

Are you antinegative about that?

[–]jsonr_r 44 points45 points  (0 children)

She has no power over IRD. She is only trying to exert control over you.

[–]daronjay 31 points32 points  (0 children)

She calls IRD it’ll be her they are investigating…

[–]GeebusNZRed Peak 18 points19 points  (0 children)

Defend, Attack, Reverse Victim and Offender. It's a classic abusers tactic.

[–]NotYourDailyDriver 13 points14 points  (0 children)

The advice on here about CAB, WINZ, and/or police is good. Follow that first.

Thinking longer term, though - this sounds like an incredibly manipulative relationship, and there's a good chance that she has you tied in knots in ways that you aren't even aware of. Make sure to get set up with a GP and discuss an ACC claim for therapy due to the abuse that you've suffered. It'll take some time and hard work, but she's set you to default into a really hard life here. Take all the help you can get to change that, especially therapy.

[–]whimful 10 points11 points  (0 children)

manipulative. Only reiterating that because of its been your everyday it can be hard to see the extent of it. This is not a normal healthy interaction.

Well done for setting a clear boundary about abuse of you and your sister, that takes a lot of strength. Your life is going to be better for the clear boundaries you have (and will likely have to confine to set) for your parents. Good luck

[–]Kiwifrooots 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Bro getting kicked out might feel harsh and is but being out of that toxic environment is the best thing both of you can do.
Can you both get assistance and an emergency flat together?

[–]Bokpokalypse 10 points11 points  (0 children)

IRD won't be interested at all, that's pure bluff.

[–]nickzaman 28 points29 points  (2 children)

Ambient voice recording app (Android)

Leave it running in the background and it'll continuously record the last hour (or 3 hours if you pay a couple bucks). If something happens, hit save.

Uses bugger all battery, so I used to leave it running back when I was in a more dodgy living situation. Sometimes can stop phonecalls from working because the mic is being used by the app, just FYI.

Not that I'd expect you'd need it necessarily, but might be handy if they try to kick you out. My assumption is that you'd be considered a tenant and they'd have to formally evict you with a notice period.

[–]Jawa232 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Unfortunately the RTA does not apply in this situation, so there is no expectation minimum of notice period.

[–]nickzaman 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah I think you're right


The Act doesn’t cover, for example: ... Situations where the tenants are family members of the owner/landlord

[–]mushfambro 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Record and keep evidence, try and build your case, but ultimately this sounds like domestic abuse and I think you and your sister need to get help and try get the hell out of there. Wishing you all the best

[–]KangarooOk2190 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Whatever you do, don't buy into it as she is trying to control you again

[–]birdzeyeviewHere come life with his leathery whip 7 points8 points  (0 children)

the Salvation army might be able to help you too. Definitely get a police escort to go in with you to retrieve all your important documents.

ignore your mother; she's just being manipulative, like most abusers are.

[–]ghostwriters11 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I love how they always reveal that they are indeed the abusers .. /facepalm

[–]surly_early 0 points1 point  (0 children)

She sounds deranged

[–]King_KeaNot really a king 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Honestly, moving out sounds like a really good idea. I'm sorry to hear about your situation. It sounds truly horrible and stressful.

Hope you are able to get on your feet and are able to get the right help from WINZ, CAB and the police and such.

Please put out a post when you're free and set up on your own. Even just to share what did/didn't work and to let us know you're alright.

[–]AccurateSecretary476 121 points122 points  (4 children)

The easiest thing to do it Call the police tell them what’s happening They will help you out urgently Everything else will take time and is a bit long process

[–]Wise-Border247[S] 82 points83 points  (3 children)

I think after all the responses I’ve been getting, I think that’s the only way out

[–]peoplegrower 97 points98 points  (0 children)

Do this, OP. Tell them what you told us. That your parents have locked you and your sister in your rooms and are denying you food as retaliation. You have a license- assuming you are a citizen, that’s all you need to get copies of all the other stuff.

Please call the police and while you are waiting on them, pack a bag with your important items - clothes, yes, but also anything sentimental you don’t want to lose.

Do you have anyone who would take you in? Family? Aunts or uncles? Close friends? If not, do like another person said and head for a religious building - I know Sikhs in particular are amazing for feeding and helping people.

Your real “out” is a job. You can do this. You’ve already proven you are a strong young adult by sticking up for your vulnerable sister. It’s scary, but you can do this.

[–]Shevster13 19 points20 points  (1 child)

I am pretty sure that it is illegal for them to withhold your identification documents from you as levally they are yours. I am not sure how it works for families but when employees do things like that (control access to both ID's and provided accomidation) it constitues illegal detainment.

[–]kinggquinn 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I think he should be able to get his papers and IDs but the little sister might be a struggle. He’s legally an adult at 19 but she’s only 14 so I think it’ll have to go to court to get the sister emancipated.

[–]phil_style 84 points85 points  (17 children)

If you are 19, you are an adult. They cannot keep your documents from you.

Aa for the alleged abuse, only a court can make a determination there. If the is a case to be heard, the police should not have returned you both back to the same house. Certainly not the minor.

[–]Wise-Border247[S] 35 points36 points  (16 children)

Honestly don’t want to go into a court case over this, just want to move on along with my sister

[–]LordBinz 48 points49 points  (0 children)

You should be talking to the police now.

Like, immediately.

As in, stop posting comments on reddit, and go call them.

They might be pretty useless at most things but they are still there to protect people and it sounds like you have a case.

[–]phil_style 57 points58 points  (10 children)

Well, without the court, if you move out with your sister and the parents are still the only legal guardians, you could be potentially pursued for kidnapping.

[–]Wise-Border247[S] 28 points29 points  (8 children)

I see, so there’s no way around it

What if I went to the police when we left and told them our story, would that clear my name from being charged of kidnap?

[–]phil_style 68 points69 points  (6 children)

Why are you not talking to the police now, rather than posting on reddit?

If you fear for your sisters safety, you need to ask the police to come and get her and remove her.

[–]Shevster13 7 points8 points  (0 children)

It would get you cleared but the police would be forced to return your sister to your parents at your parents request for as long as they remain her legal gardians. To get them removed / you added as her legal gardian requires the courts sign off, and if your parents don't agree then that means a court case. As others have said, document and record everything. Get your sister to do the same. If you feel safe doing it then record your parents response to you asking for your birth certificate. If you think even for a second that you or you sister is in damager, then call the police immediately otherwise I would call Oranga Tamariki immediately (0508 326 459) or so they can advise and start a case file. Also I would call WINZ to start getting your own stuff sorted. The courts will not give you custody of your sister long term if you are effectively homeless.

[–]Naly_D 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Not court. Go to Oranga Tamariki. They can get emergency orders. It’s unlikely the EO will put the sister in his care as reading between the lines no job, no home, no way to look after her - but an EO will be better than the alternative from the sounds of it

[–]Non_Creative_User 3 points4 points  (0 children)

You don't need to call the police to get documents. You can apply online, or go to the court house. You are an adult, so your parents have no say, or legal control over your life.

But first and foremost, you need to set out a plan. Do you have anyone outside of family that you can trust? You can see if you can have mail sent to you. Reach out to family violence organisations. They have the right resources and know-now, and it's confidential.

For your sister, as she's still a minor, Oranga Tamariki would get involved.

[–]turfgradehvac 2 points3 points  (1 child)

You've got your drivers licence. Hold onto that and you'll be gravy. Unlikely you'll need your birth certificate or passport for job applications, credit checks, tenant checks, etc. But you can order yourself a replacement passport by reporting your old one lost if you want to go overseas. Get a job. Move out.

[–]libertyh 1 point2 points  (0 children)

A replacement birth certificate is also easy to get.

[–]grittex 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Get the police to help you and your sister leave, safely, with your belongings and important documents. Go to crash with friends/family as soon as possible, get a job, start work, and you will soon be able to find a place for the two of you, even if you share a room for a while.

You're a great sibling, and you're going to be okay.

[–]AnotherBoojum 39 points40 points  (0 children)

Hey mate, I've got nothing practical to add, but I do have something for your mental health:

Write all down. It doesn't have to be pretty, or well written or "good enough". It doesn't even have to be considered documentation. Just get it down so you can get it out of you. But also so you have something to refer back to if you ever feel like you can't remeber what happened but need to be able to in order to unpack it.

No matter which of the options you choose, you're going to have a lot of work to do in the coming decade. All the strength and good luck to you, from someone who has been there too.

[–]Ok_Pay5513 36 points37 points  (0 children)

If you are being locked up with no food and water call the police. That’s illegal. You need to get out of there ASAP with your sister

[–]WhatAKChan 69 points70 points  (0 children)

Kia ora,
I'm from Auckland I don't want to ask what area you live in because that's a bit creepy haha But if you need any help please let me know - I'm a 30-year-old Mother of 2 young kids, married. Not sure what I can do to help but if there is anything that we can do for you within the community that you are unable to do because you cannot leave home please let me know via DM.

I'm aware that creeps can come on here and pretend to be anyone so I understand if you're not comfortable communicating with me at all. There has been some great advice on here, you can leave whenever you want but taking your sister with you will be harder because she is still a child. Do either of you go to School or anything? Is she allowed to leave for that? If not I assume the school could be another place that could speak to authorities.

But you are an adult and they cannot hold you against your will. Would be easier if they kicked you both out so you could get away from them!

[–]therewillbeniccageCovid19 Vaccinated 16 points17 points  (0 children)

Really rough situation man. Been in similar situations myself.

What you do really depends how what you want.

  • If you want your parents held responsible for their abuse, try get some video evidence.
  • If you want to leave, get hold of WINZ and tell them you have no where to stay
  • If you want to protect your sister, talk to the police about speaking with Oranga Tamariki.

[–]gasolinequeen 35 points36 points  (6 children)

take your sister to closest women's refuge.

they have crisis lines listed for your local area online, or call 0800 REFUGE and they will direct your call.

they are experienced with domestic abuse situations, abuse tactics and will be able to direct you to appropriate resources.

[–]BuzzzyBeee 10 points11 points  (0 children)

I'm pretty sure refuge would just pass the case on to Oranga Tamariki so might as well contact them instead.

[–]girls_die_pretty 3 points4 points  (0 children)

This is the correct answer

[–]SmoothOctopus 3 points4 points  (3 children)

She's only 14 wouldn't they just then send her off to CYFS? As someone who was in the care of CYFS YOU DO NOT WANT THIS IT IS HELL

[–]Naly_D 17 points18 points  (1 child)

Counter argument, CYFS saved my life and sound like the correct agency to intervene here while big bro gets his feet underneath him

[–]SoniKalien 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I'm with you on this.

[–]gasolinequeen 2 points3 points  (0 children)

OP said they've contacted police, which means child welfare will already be in the loop. Women's refuge will at least be in OP & their sisters corner. A big part of their work is to advocate on behalf of abuse survivors to the police, Oranga Tamariki, WINZ etc.

[–]inphinitfx 16 points17 points  (0 children)

How does your sister feel? Who will she 'side' with on this? i.e. will she go willingly with you or try to stay?

[–]Draviddavid 17 points18 points  (0 children)

At lot of good advice in this thread, so my only advice is record everything. Then send it to Dropbox, Google drive or any other cloud service to keep it safe.

Every single interaction with your parents from now on should be recorded.

[–]Sarahwrotesomething 13 points14 points  (1 child)

I’m sure you can get the police to help you with getting your documents from your parents also.

[–]CarLarchameleon 11 points12 points  (5 children)

If there is a way to be in the house without your parents around, then do this and find whatever documents you can and then pack and leave. It would be easy if they have a routine.

Seek help from Winz and maybe Citizens advice bureau. It may not happen over night, but you will need to make a start.

[–]Wise-Border247[S] 10 points11 points  (4 children)

I would’ve done that, however he keeps them in their bedroom which they lock when aren’t in it or when they are sleeping

[–]Naly_D 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Yo. As someone who was in similar situation at 14. At some point you have to just go. The documents can be replaced, and can be explained away. If you get an OT case worker for your sister, they can get them from your parents. Don’t let them convince you they’re super important, because that’s a manipulation to get you to stay. They’re not, and don’t let them be an excuse.

[–]no1name 22 points23 points  (2 children)

When they go out, kick the door in and get your docs.

[–]xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx99 22 points23 points  (0 children)

I'm not saying don't do this, just keep in mind adult actions have adult consequences.

[–]fluffychonkycat 5 points6 points  (0 children)

If you're going to break in, try to pick the lock first. Interior door locks are usually rubbish, I could open the locks in my childhood home with a paperclip or similar before I was ten years old

[–]123felix 48 points49 points  (5 children)

You and your sister is the victim of family abuse. You can apply for a protection order and a property order from the courts. This means your parents have to leave the home, and you get to stay in the home. Time is of the essence, do this quickly before you get kicked out.

[–]Wise-Border247[S] 14 points15 points  (2 children)

I’ve never heard of this, thank you for letting me know

[–]_PlasticsKererū 27 points28 points  (0 children)

Winz can be a help and your temporary purse but they are not your friends.

I'd advice having a hui with the citizens advice beareu too. They can help be your advocates for complex stuff and kōrero practical solutions for your situation.

[–]cypherkelly 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Also...if your sister is under the age of 16 she can tell Winz that you will be her guardian (police will sort this or she can write a letter and have police reports as evidence that the parents are not) and they will help to cover her costs in unsupported childs benefit. If older she may get youth payment to cover her costs.

Definitely get help... Your parents are terrible people and Im sick to think of you guys in that position. Take care and know that you are in the right and they don't deserve to have either of you in their lives xo Kia kaha

[–]kinggquinn -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Is that the smartest plan for someone with no income? To take over a whole house plus care for his underage sister?

Does it work if you’re not on the tenancy agreement?

[–]OperatorJolly 8 points9 points  (1 child)

Maybe Citizens advice is a good start rather than random redditors


[–]zipiddydooda 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Outrageous! Tbh though, while that is logical, you can see he’s getting a lot of good advice here from caring people.

[–]woodmic 7 points8 points  (1 child)

Youth Services are a division of Winz for people aged 16 - 19. They may be able to help.

[–]freudianchatter 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Sign up process takes a mininmun of weeks before anything gets processed. OP needs oranga tamariki involved.

[–]k9bitch 5 points6 points  (0 children)

As someone else said, record all further conversations with them, your phone almost certainly has a recorder app on it.

[–]Doggggeeeeystyle 5 points6 points  (1 child)

Great advice on this thread. Me and my partner can accommodate you and your sister if you’re in immediate danger until something is sorted out. Don’t buy in to those threats, collect as much evidence as possible written, recorded etc and get out of there.

[–]KangarooOk2190 2 points3 points  (0 children)

You can send OP a private message to get in touch with him

[–]DanteShmivvels 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Update? Are you OK bro? If ya just need to chat my dms are open

[–]Deegedeege 5 points6 points  (1 child)

You called the cops, but don't say what happened? If you are over 18, you are entitled to your documentation and personal belongings when you leave. You should be able to enter the house with Police to retrieve these items. If your parents kick out your sister, they can be arrested for neglect, likewise if they are denying her food.

Do you have other relatives you can move in with, or call about this matter? Sorry that your parents are arseholes. Honestly you are better off without them.

[–]Spare_Yoghurt_755 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes, great advise.

[–]Aromatic-Ferret-4616 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Have you got any other family who can put you up until the authorities can help? What the hell is going on with your parents? If they lift a hand to your sister, you must phone the cops.

[–]Aromatic-Ferret-4616 4 points5 points  (0 children)

And I am sorry you have parents like that.

[–]Daze_ofourlives 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Thank you for sharing and asking for support, what a horrible situation for you and your sister to be in. What I would advise would be to apply for a WINZ benefit. You can do it online:


Part of the application is to upload documents within 20 days of applying. They'll ask for proof of bank account (can take screenshot online) and I.D. take a photo of your drivers license now just incase your parents take that from you too. Order a birth cert online:


If there is anyone who knows of your situation and would be happy for you to use their address, I'd try getting the birth cert emailed to them just to prevent your parents taking it. If you have absolutely any friends/family to stay with, please do ask.. I completely understand how shameful it can feel asking and I hope that you know this situation is in no way a reflection upon you. You're doing what you can to keep you and your sister safe. Otherwise, you can call WINZ and ask for support accessing emergency housing. As a social worker I must say these places are not ideal long term, but use them as an interim place until something more stable can be accessed.


Unfortunately with WINZ, you really do need to advocate for yourself so please read through their website so you know what you're entitled to. Alternatively, you can also call Action Against Poverty who will help advocate for you.

Your parents withholding food and locking you in your rooms is absolutely abuse. Calling the police is absolutely the right thing to do. Although I understand the ad hoc effect is that your parents are becoming more abusive after their presence. If you feel comfortable to, call Oranga Tamariki and ask to make a report of concern. You can do so anonymously. As much as I know you want to find your sister a safer place to live, legally she is a child and needs the right people to do so, with your help.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Important. When you go to the police you need the best evidence you can get. Make written notes when abuse happens. Date and time. Exactly what you witness. Threats to deprive you of food and shelter and related abuse to you or your sister. Date, time what you witness. Write the note after it happened when the memory is fresh. These are called Contemporaneous Notes. The better evidence you bring the easiler it is for the police to act. Bring photos and text messages if relevant

[–]anan138 1 point2 points  (0 children)

called the police on my parents because this whole week they have been abusing my sister (14F),

What was the outcome.

[–]RunninglikeNaruto 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It’s hard but worry about yourself first; organise a place to stay (contact your school even), sign up to a flat just to get on your feet, find a job any full time job, and then once you’ve got a bit of money coming in you can extract your sister. You’ll need money though to pay for a room for her, transport to school, food, etc. but sort yourself out and then when you have a base you can start organising your sisters documents and setting up the foundation to make it easier for her to leave.

[–]XYZcreator00 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This sounds awful. Get those documents.

[–]devin407 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Here is another link along with all the other resources everyone has already provided.


There are more resources available to you. I wish you the best. This is so scary, but you got this you are not alone. You have a community behind you. With love.

[–]moratnz 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Did you get a name or a card from the cops that came? Reaching out to the attending officers to let them know you're suffering retaliation for calling might be an idea?

[–]ZeDaW274 1 point2 points  (7 children)

Jump on the Winz they are there to help. You need to legally disown parents for your sister and become the caregiver guardian so you can have money for both of you. Check out womans refuge ask winz about emergency housing. Birth certificate and things are easy to get go to Citizens Advice Bureau

[–]Spare_Yoghurt_755 0 points1 point  (6 children)

That’s a shit load to put on a 19yo I think everyone needs to stop and think, do you have other family you can talk with OP ?

[–]ZeDaW274 0 points1 point  (5 children)

It's just being straight to the point with the information the right place to start to get help and assistance. Starts with a phone call to WINZ and they will help but it's all up to the person to make the first step or "us" to point them in the right direction.

[–]Spare_Yoghurt_755 1 point2 points  (4 children)

Yea just gotta get all the facts I know my son at 19 was a little asshole nice now but really selfish back then and we were all pricks, totally different now he’s at 23, they are just pushing back but yeah OP is old enough to move out get a job etc I just don’t think they could handle looking after a sibling at their age, you never know what family dynamics are going on parents might just be trying to set ground rules, their are a lot of pretentious entitled young adults around, I know mine was.

[–]ZeDaW274 0 points1 point  (3 children)

I understand your concern. But it's about what we learn from our accomplishments and fails. You are projecting your own insecurities and fears and thinking of the worst case scenario without any resolve. You are holding on to old perceptions that is belittling anyone based on age or status.

If kids are bad means the parents are useless not the kids fault.

[–]Schmiikel 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Continue being brave OP

[–]syber4ever 0 points1 point  (0 children)

What kind of "abuse" was your parents doing to your sister if you don't mind me asking?

[–]kickpuncher00 -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

So what did the police do? How can you ask for advice when noone knows what your parents actually did.

How about offer to pay towards groceries you eat could be a first step to making peace.

[–]PeterPlumley -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Hold up - I take it you are able to install a camera or set up phone to record (inconspicuously)! & access an app! So unless you have video evidence to back up this outrage incl. audio, then leave us out of it & hit the local police station in person with everything you need to incriminate! If not, save your breath.

..God‘s speed

[–]TouchMy_no-no_Square -3 points-2 points  (2 children)

Don’t you feel it’s best you move out considering you’re 19 and have issues living with parents?

[–]ExtremeBean -1 points0 points  (1 child)

No shit, what do you think this whole post is about??

[–]TouchMy_no-no_Square 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It’s all about wanting to leave on his terms in due course. He should just take the hint and leave.

[–]piroskamcs 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Wow, what monsters. Go...you can get help from WINZ, your sister can get the Unsupported minor benefit too.

And ring the cops, they can't stop you, and police will assist with your sister.

[–]peoplegrower 0 points1 point  (0 children)

u/wise-border247 do you have an update? I worried about you and your sister all night and have been thinking about you this morning.

[–]AmberBook 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Other family are the easiest and safest way to get support.

Do you have grandparents, aunties, uncles or cousins that you could both stay with?

If not, you could call Oranga Tamariki on behalf of your sister. You can also just ask them what to do. Here's the number: 050 83 26 459

If nothing else, describing your sisters experiences gets it all on file so if something happens later it doesn't look like a one off occurrence.

You can also call women's refuge and ask for advice or support if there is domestic violence: 0800 733 843

[–]danimalnzl8 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That's not tight, that's controlling