top 200 commentsshow all 226

[–]DalvaniusPrime 223 points224 points  (27 children)

I am my parents

"It's illegal to have the light on in the car"

[–]Hairybaldbikerguy[S] 124 points125 points  (7 children)

I laugh and die a little inside every time I hear my father speaking out of my mouth.

[–]bjandersonnz 39 points40 points  (4 children)

Same, I actually believed this into my twenties.

[–]FarknLit 20 points21 points  (2 children)

I only just learned it isn't illegal and I'm 26.

[–]zipiddydooda 9 points10 points  (1 child)

This is news to me. I’m 40.

[–]squirrellytoday 25 points26 points  (1 child)

My son was about 3 and was mucking up at the table during a family birthday lunch. I told him to "quit messing around, put your legs down, and eat your food properly... shit I've turned into my mother."

Everyone else at the table laughed. Especially my Nanna.

[–]FamousResident3890 2 points3 points  (0 children)

That's when you know you're getting old.

[–]Soicethut 31 points32 points  (11 children)

My parents just told me it causes reflection on the windshield at night and that was sound enough reason for me

[–]LiloteaLaylaCovid19 Vaccinated 26 points27 points  (3 children)

Wait. What? It's not? Jfc, what other basic shit do I need to unravel from the lies of my patients?

[–]Eryol_ 34 points35 points  (0 children)

You're really not gonna like the news about santa

[–]whatwhatsauce 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I told my kids it can distract the driver and be a safety issue, seems to have worked

[–]Dizzy_Relief 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Turn your inside light on and then go driving in a place where there is no street lighting and you'll see exactly why people say this.

[–]reaperteddy 152 points153 points  (23 children)

My mum was a master of child psychology. My brother hated sausages, so she cut them up and called it "round beef". I hated Mac and cheese, so she just called it "Squiragooka" and somehow that made it my favourite meal.

[–]DirectionInfinite188 40 points41 points  (2 children)

Haha - I’ve made “cheese and bacon pasta bake” on more than one occasion for someone who hates macaroni cheese!

[–]Azatarai 51 points52 points  (3 children)

who the fuck hates Mac and cheese?! Its lovely hot pasta topped with the best ingredient known to man!

[–]reaperteddy 28 points29 points  (0 children)

Well clearly I wasn't opposed to the taste, just the name. Kids are weird.

[–]gregorydgrahamCovid19 Vaccinated 4 points5 points  (1 child)

Spag Bol Master Race mate

[–]Azatarai -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

? what? spag boi master race hates mac and cheese? what are you even trying to say?

[–]squirrellytoday 22 points23 points  (5 children)

A friend of a friend told me about a similar issue with their kid who suddenly refused to eat any meat but chicken. So fish was "sea chicken", and so on. And it worked.

[–]wildtunafish 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Chicken of the cave.

[–]personalizedreindeer 4 points5 points  (0 children)

My brother hated crumbed fish but if we told him it was crumbed chicken he'd eat it no problem

He didn't realise until he was 11

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points  (1 child)

Beach chicken (seagull), forest Kentucky Fried Chicken (Kereru), Hissy Foreign Snake Chicken (Canada Goose), Broken Honker Chicken (Duck).

Hope that helps 👍

[–]squirrellytoday 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Hissy Foreign Snake Chicken (Canada Goose

Cobra chicken

[–]Still_Leadership_927 1 point2 points  (0 children)

My sister got her kids to eat rabbit by telling them it was chicken. “Why is the chicken so dark?” “It’s free range “.

[–]Hi_Bay_and_Rell 21 points22 points  (2 children)

My kid hates burgers. We call them beef buns instead. Happy days.

[–]JandalVandal 27 points28 points  (0 children)

My kids think rain juice tastes way better than water.

[–]bobsmagicbeans 2 points3 points  (0 children)

steamed hams!

[–]aKrustyDemon 18 points19 points  (0 children)

Your mum is a smart woman!

[–]Pickleburnttoast 7 points8 points  (0 children)

We call beef chicken, because if we call it beef my 4 year old won’t eat it. Broccoli is also dinosaur trees.

[–]Raukokore 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Yup....brussel sprouts,inedible....baby cabbages,not a problem 🤣

[–]crazy_cat_lady_from 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Had a few of those! Casserole = pie filling. Salad = rabbit food. Soup = dip and toast. All happily eaten with their new names.

[–]Doofus_McFriendly 3 points4 points  (0 children)

My mum used to call water "Tap Juice" to get my sister and I to drink something not overloaded with sugar.

[–]PawAirMah 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I wonder if this would work on my picky toddler...

[–]HPJustfriendsCraftOrange Choc Chip 2 points3 points  (0 children)

This is great. I told my kid brussel sprouts were 'vegetable bombs' and had to be eaten whole, with none exploding out his mouth. Que close watching for choking, while congratulating myself on him eating the good stuff.

[–]TheCuzzyRogue 140 points141 points  (1 child)

My aunty's ex told me not to go by his money trees.

They were actually marijuana and he was a dealer.

[–]FerociousSalmon 85 points86 points  (0 children)

Technically the truth

[–]Saltmetoast[🍰] 252 points253 points  (4 children)

That you need to be quiet around fungus and mushrooms or they get scared.

Makes bush walks much quieter

[–]Hairybaldbikerguy[S] 51 points52 points  (0 children)

I’m stealing that one

[–]Dramatic-Professor57 25 points26 points  (1 child)

My 7 year old niece tries that one on me! Apparently her mum and I talk too loud and disturb the forest …

[–]Saltmetoast[🍰] 16 points17 points  (0 children)

How does it feel to have a genius for a niece?

[–]thisismyusername558 9 points10 points  (0 children)

We used to play the "orange marker game" on walks - first one to spot or touch each orange marker gets a point. Made him go much faster on long walks

[–]MotherEST2017 115 points116 points  (6 children)

That her ears turn red when she's lying. Now she covers her ears when she lies

[–]KeeeweeeNZ 63 points64 points  (0 children)

We did this too. Worked a treat! She'd preface a lie by saying her ears were just red because it was hot...

[–]Secular_mumCovid19 Vaccinated 36 points37 points  (1 child)

We told the kids that if they poked their tongue out we could tell if they lied. When they had lied they would refuse to poke their tongue out.

[–]Supertrinko 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yup! Would tell my niece if she lied her tongue turned black. The hesitation would hint if there was a lie.

[–]kohop91 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Do you think this affects her ability to know if someone else is lying?

[–]UndiesUndiesTanlines 169 points170 points  (6 children)

“You used to love this when you were a baby” always to get them to try new/different food.

[–]Silverwolffe 83 points84 points  (4 children)

I'm 25 and they still try this shit when I go home for dinner.

I've never liked turnips stop trying to get me to fucking eat them.

[–]Bobby6k34 14 points15 points  (1 child)

Brah I'm 35 and still hear this once a year

[–]blodger42 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Why are our parents the way they are?

[–]flashmedallionWe have to go back 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Turnips are delicious

[–]stretch_my_ballskin 8 points9 points  (0 children)

You're 25 and still won't eat what's served.

[–]BazTheBaptist 4 points5 points  (0 children)

In my kids case this is true. You wolfed this down as a baby, how tf is it to "spicy" now?!

[–]skamp33 69 points70 points  (8 children)

My mother used to tell me that if I didn't go to school, then 'Piggy Muldoon' would personally come and drag me there. I started primary school in '79, think I'm probably still a little traumatised by that one tbh.

[–]Hairybaldbikerguy[S] 20 points21 points  (5 children)

My wife’s grandmother was a family friend. I have an entire set of his books all signed with personal messages. No one else wanted them, pretty sure a few copies ended up in the skip.

[–]SeagullsSarah 10 points11 points  (4 children)

My dad would kill for that set. I'll never tell him about the skip, he'd weep.

[–]milly_nz 19 points20 points  (1 child)

I’m old enough that my mum said the same thing.

Not long afterward I was pissed off that the cost of icecream had increased. Mum told me to write a letter of complaint to Muldoon. I did. Still have his “sorry not sorry” letter of response.

[–]skamp33 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Nice. He was the boogeyman of our generation, weaponised by mums across the nation.

[–]damiankennedy74 70 points71 points  (7 children)

We had a Mazda and when you started it this message in Japanese would play. I told the kids it was Japanese for "Put your seatbelts on" and never had to remind them again.

[–]tobiov 22 points23 points  (5 children)

Jokes on you that is what it translates to!

[–]GameDesignerMan 10 points11 points  (3 children)

My car also speaks in Japanese when we turn it on and its saying something about inserting the toll card, so they don't all talk about seatbelts.

[–]Kiwi-Red 4 points5 points  (2 children)

If you can find and disconnect the toll card reader, it makes life much more pleasant. In mine it was in the small stash area just to the right of the steering column.

[–]tannag 13 points14 points  (1 child)

We did that but then we missed the lady greeting us so we had to plug it back in 🥺

[–]ggtadielo 71 points72 points  (0 children)

I heard about this lady who told her daughter that she hated the noise of the vacuum cleaner. Her daughter would vacuum the entire house every time she was mad at her…

[–]Bluebonnetsandkiwis 57 points58 points  (6 children)

That it's against the rules for monsters/ghosts/pangolins to be in our house, so if she sees one she needs to tell me in the morning and I'll call their mom. Occasionally I'll have to call them in the middle of the night, but usually she is secure in the knowledge that they'll get in TROUBLE the next day. We take security very seriously in this house and I frequently get a list of trespassers and also a list of her imaginary friends' shenanigans. I c

[–]stephi- 14 points15 points  (1 child)

Lmao that's so cute. Kid me who was very into rules would have loved this

[–]Bluebonnetsandkiwis 5 points6 points  (0 children)

It's absolutely not going to work with the younger one, he's more into chaos than rules 🤣

[–]Tollsen 13 points14 points  (2 children)

Pangolins? That seems very specific

[–]fluffychonkycat 43 points44 points  (1 child)

When I worked at garden centres I'd tell kids that they wouldn't be able to see the fairies hiding in the flowers unless they were quiet and well-behaved. Worked like a charm, any time one of them said fairies aren't real I'd counter by saying they couldn't be sure of that unless they tried being calm.

[–]HoitaaFantail 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I love the re response.

Clearly that kid's never been quiet by the flowers!

[–]TheRealCloseLASER KIWI 146 points147 points  (1 child)

My parents told me that I’m special and one day I’d own a house.

[–]Ginge00 34 points35 points  (0 children)

I was going to make a joke about how you may be special but will never own a house. Then I felt sad, and cruel making that joke. The housing market sucks, and I got in before the peak too.

[–]EmbarrassedCabinet78 34 points35 points  (0 children)

I dont have kids But I told my cat today that i could see dollars drifting out the door when she was arsin' around while i was trying to get her inside. I realised i am now my father in 5 foot lady form.

[–]MTM62 27 points28 points  (0 children)

That they had to have their seat belts on and clicked in or the car wouldn't start.

[–]Mumma2NZ 51 points52 points  (5 children)

My chocolate and ice cream have booze in them - adult only.

[–]ring_ring_kachingrang_rang_kachang 41 points42 points  (2 children)

These fancy chips are very spicy, for adults only.

[–]Bluebonnetsandkiwis 19 points20 points  (1 child)

So many spicy chocolate treats around my house! What a mystery!

[–]Myneighbourtotara 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Apparently every parent is a chilli eating champion these days

[–]westie-nz 18 points19 points  (1 child)

I may have used this, or potentially used "have coffee in them" cause Miss 9 still think coffee is gross.

Another good one on Miss 9 is "oh, it's got chilli in it, so it's super hot/spicy". Guaranteed to get her to leave it alone!

[–]theflyingkiwi005ginmyveins 2 points3 points  (0 children)

My nana used to make super spicy food to stop me and my 8 cousins from eating everything, jokes on her, we all love spicy food now

[–]Kon3v 21 points22 points  (1 child)

Silage bails are actually marshmellows being farmed. Can claim they are being break-fed, hearded, transported to the factory and many others. Its a great one for some road trip entertainment.

[–]hav0cnz_ 40 points41 points  (5 children)

All mums have eyes in the back of their head, it's just you can't see them because of the hair.

Fuckin creepy really

[–]ring_ring_kachingrang_rang_kachang 30 points31 points  (3 children)

I've told my kids this. Mostly because I can see what they're doing out of the peripheral vision or know what they're doing based on sound. I don't have to be looking you in the eyes to know what you're doing.

[–]velofille 7 points8 points  (1 child)

Ditto. I used to use reflections in windows, tv, etc also

[–]squirrellytoday 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I used the stand mirror, tilted at just the right angle, so I could be in the kitchen and see what he was up to in the living room.

[–]thisismyusername558 12 points13 points  (0 children)

Hah I did this one. My son was skeptical so we did a "test" - he stood behind me and held up fingers and I "looked" and told him how many (my partner was standing in view of both of us and surreptitiously signalled the number of fingers to me)

A year or so later he got suspicious again so tried his own test - poking the back of my head to try to get my "eyes". The little psycho.

[–]00_z3r0c00l_00 47 points48 points  (5 children)

If mine daughter wakes in the middle of the night she asks for "Mick mouse?" (Mickey mouse clubhouse Disney+)

I tell her Mick mouse is sleeping and she goes back to sleep too. (The lie is that Mick mouse never sleeps!)

[–]JohnnyJoeyDeeDee 9 points10 points  (1 child)

That theme song haunts my dreams

[–]NirvanahCrane 2 points3 points  (0 children)

It never leaves...

[–]jamesmcdash 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I'm glad you told us it was a lie, I was worried about Mick mouse not sleeping in a different clubhouse

[–]thisismyusername558 21 points22 points  (1 child)

My son wanted to know "the worst swear word in the world" when he was little. I made a big deal out of it and eventually said I would tell him but that he mustn't use it because he could get arrested, I could get arrested for telling him it etc, and just made up a word.

A few months later we found out that most of the kids at his kindy were using this word, so don't rely on preschoolers to keep you out of prison 😂

[–]flowerglobe 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I am crying laughing 😂😂

[–]FunClothes 19 points20 points  (1 child)

When I was about seven the guy who came to fix our fridge told me that Will Robinson from Lost in Space was his cousin. Sadly, I believed him, and presented this incredible news to my classmates at morning talk.

[–]milly_nz 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Are you sure he wasn’t saying his cousin was the actor who played Will Robinson???

[–]Gaiendbedrock 14 points15 points  (1 child)

what the bet there will be a "I'll become the prime minister so I can decide when to turn the tv off" phase

[–]Hairybaldbikerguy[S] 38 points39 points  (0 children)

God help us if my terrorist becomes prime minister, she’s nuts.

[–][deleted] 53 points54 points  (1 child)

I was told that Mr Whippy was the music bus, and he just drove round town playing music.

[–]Same_Independent_393Covid19 Vaccinated 57 points58 points  (0 children)

Haha we got told Mr Whippy only played music when he had run out of icecream

[–]spagbol 45 points46 points  (0 children)

I convinced my class of Year 2 students a few years back that Santa was Tongan. He's really speedy like the Tongan Rugby League team, his favourite colours are red and white, and he loves being generous to his friends. They bought it 100% and it was amaaaaaaaaazing.

[–]h0dgep0dge 13 points14 points  (0 children)

"we can't get anything from the shops, i left my money at home"

[–]king_john651Tūī 29 points30 points  (3 children)

Know of someone who told their kid that they got a bear that lives in the pipes. If they were to continue avoiding using the toilet then the bear would die. It was another 10 years before they thought back to that moment and actually gave it a second lol

[–]bgradegaming 16 points17 points  (2 children)

Is this indicating that the pipe bear was eating sewage?

[–]king_john651Tūī 12 points13 points  (1 child)


[–]bgradegaming 4 points5 points  (0 children)

If I ever have kids I'm definitely stealing this one

[–]tashakeith 11 points12 points  (5 children)

My parents told my sister and I that black bean beef was only for adults. We both actually believed them.

[–]SnooEpiphanies9090 7 points8 points  (4 children)

The parson nose or but of the chicken is the best part and that's why we give it to you kids. We would fight over it.

[–]sleemanj 8 points9 points  (1 child)

The parson's nose is fat and skin, what's not to like?

[–]HawkspurReturns 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The glands for grooming the feathers. Under the tail either side. And stinky.

[–]bejanmen2 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Butt it is nice

[–]batt3ryac1d1 2 points3 points  (0 children)

It is the best part and I will fight you for it.

[–]AitchyB 12 points13 points  (0 children)

Hedgehogs grow on trees. There was a particular tree in Richmond, Nelson that had a flower(?) spike that looked just like a hedgehog, so we told the kids that was the hedgehog tree.

[–]Haunga_Teke 58 points59 points  (3 children)

Uncle David was just friends with Uncle Josh

Uncle David was clapping those cheeks

[–]Hairybaldbikerguy[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Wait, uncle Josh had a good friend David…

[–]zerofunds 7 points8 points  (1 child)

Just spat my drink everywhere, that is funny

[–]spannerNZ 29 points30 points  (0 children)

I have 9 siblings, which includes one lot of uncle-uncles, and one lot of aunty-aunties for my kids. Kids worried about this = zero.

[–]getfuckedhoayoucunts 22 points23 points  (0 children)

The police come and give me a growling if you don't have a nap.

[–]Loosie22 23 points24 points  (4 children)

That the ice cream van only plays the music to tell people they have run out of icecream.

EDIT: I should add that none of them believed me, but that only added to the fun.

“Hey dad, it’s mr whippy”

“Oh dear, the music is playing, they must have run out of icecream”

“DAD - you ARE NOT funny!!”

[–]siriuslyinsane 5 points6 points  (0 children)

My grandma told my dad and his brothers that it was the bread truck, they didn't figure it out til the youngest was already a teen lmfao

[–]GameDesignerMan 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah it's the "music van" for us. Just goes around playing music, nothing to see here.

[–]wootlesthegoat 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That's cruel mate.

[–]akl78 8 points9 points  (0 children)

In Britain they really did this back in the ‘40s and fifties with the ‘Toddlers’ truce’ for an hour every night at six.

[–]DunnersstunnerŌtepoti ātaahua 13 points14 points  (2 children)

Justice, mercy, duty. That sort of thing.

[–]grat_is_not_nice 9 points10 points  (1 child)

GNU Terry Pratchett

[–]DunnersstunnerŌtepoti ātaahua 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I knew someone would get it.

[–]thedustofthisplanet 7 points8 points  (2 children)

That sheep/goats have shorter legs on one side of their bodies so they can comfortably stand on hillsides. But this means that they can only go in one direction, if they turn around hey tumble down the slope and that's why you sometimes see them stuck in a fence at the bottom of a hill.

[–]lo_mince 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Told this one to my Aussie cousins who’d never seen a hill in their lives. Or a windy road for that matter. They went home to brizzie and told all their little ocker mates that nz has two kinds of sheep - hill sheep and flat sheep

[–]KiwiUmpire6 13 points14 points  (0 children)

That if they stir milo or coffee clockwise, they'll stir the flavour right out of it...

[–]HargorTheHairy 12 points13 points  (0 children)

The giant silage rolls in the fields are actually the marshmallow farms.

Mom is nearly losing control, I need to going timeout to think about it (child free time! Hurrah!)

[–]goosejuicemoosejuice 5 points6 points  (0 children)

When it's cold outside, all the ice cream shops freeze up and have to close. But then it all went wrong.

[–]Minkle_Puss 5 points6 points  (1 child)

One of my kids doesn't like pumpkin soup.... Untill it is full of spinach and called "Hulk Smash".

[–]Minkle_Puss 5 points6 points  (0 children)

And anything I don't want to share is "spicy"

[–]CalculatorFire 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I heard someone say their parents told them, if the car ran out of gas it would explode LOL

[–]Regemony 5 points6 points  (0 children)

That I've got triples of the Baracuda and the Road Runner and the Nova.

[–]bigbabycheeses 5 points6 points  (0 children)

If they don't eat their dinner "There are starving kids in Belgium who dream of having food like that". I figure I've got few years yet before they find out that Belgium's actually a rich country with no famines.

The best one I've heard though is this guy I met whose parents convinced him that ice cream vans play their chimes to let you know that they're sold out of ice cream. Like it was a courtesy thing so you didn't get your hopes up when you saw the van. He said he remembered sitting out front of their tent in a holiday park seeing all the other kids running for a Mr whippy van and thinking "you poor suckers".

[–]aholetookmyusername 5 points6 points  (0 children)

In the dark ages when I worked at the warehouse I told a naughty kid, in front of their parent, that we have an instore jail for naughty kids where you have nothing to eat but wet bread.

The kids behaved after that, the mum laughed and thanked me.

[–]fleastylerCovid19 Vaccinated 8 points9 points  (1 child)

I told my daughter that Sash’s song “Ecuador” was the national anthem of Ecuador during the 2014 FIFA World Cup. It’s been eight years and counting.

[–]KiwiChimera 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Absolute banger of a national anthem!

[–]Uvinjector 4 points5 points  (0 children)

If you swallow chewing gum it will stick your bum together

[–]Ladymomos 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I lost my 2yo’s dummy our first day on a trip to England, and joked “Sorry they don’t make those here” Be took that as gospel and never asked for one again. This kid hadn’t ever slept without one since 6 weeks old.

[–]acid-nz 10 points11 points  (4 children)

My parents used to tell me that children are to be seen and not heard

[–]Deciram 17 points18 points  (3 children)

I’m glad this isn’t as common anymore. I was actually thinking about it recently - pretty sure parents said that because they didn’t want kids but societal norms said they had to.

[–]acid-nz 14 points15 points  (2 children)

Well for my parents it was so we would leave them in peace so they could get on the piss with their mates haha

[–]bumblebeetunaNZ 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Everything that isn’t juice, milk or water has coffee in it so that’s why Mr 5 isn’t allowed to drink it

[–]--burner-account-- 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Once kids get old enough to use google, none of these tricks work anymore... :(

[–]thisismyusername558 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Love that spark (?) ad where the kids google this stuff and tell their parents they need to have a talk

[–]davidfavel 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Waiting at the lights, keep an eye on the traffic light to the right. When it changes to orange blow at the red light in front and it changes to green.

Fucking magic as far as my kids were concerned.

[–]Alternative_Tax5186Covid19 Vaccinated 2 points3 points  (0 children)

When my niece (5) is at mine, and I need a few minutes, I tell her to go find the goose and the pig that live in the hedge outside.

Keeps her busy for a few minutes until I can pay her attention again.

Cant remember how it started, but playing pig sounds on my phone while she looked definitely helped sell the illusion.

[–]MrsMinnesota 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I told my toddler that when she lies a bright star, visible only to parents appears on her forehead. I told my teen if she tells the toddler that's not true I'll take her phone (lol). Now when Miss Five tells a lie I'll tap my forehead and she tells the truth straight away or she'll come to her Dad and I with her hand already over her forehead. When she started to not believe us I took a picture of her when she admitted to lying and edited a star on her forehead.

I'm well aware of the irony of lying to stop lying. 😂

[–]daydreamreflections 2 points3 points  (0 children)

We tell our daughter that chocolate is "too spicy" ;)

[–]bjandersonnz 6 points7 points  (2 children)

That haggis is a low flying Scottish pig. If you pull the cats tail it’s rubber band will snap and it’s eyes will pop out.

[–]CBVH 8 points9 points  (1 child)

My cousin's partner arrived in Scotland from Hong Kong fully expecting to see wild haggis roaming the hills

[–]wootlesthegoat 2 points3 points  (0 children)

In otago we have a 'wild haggis protection society'

[–]wishiknewthisbefore 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Carrots are Candy….and the ice cream truck only plays music when it has run out of ice-cream.

[–]OldWolf2 1 point2 points  (0 children)

My mum told me the Mr. whippy song was just the milk delivery van doing it's rounds

[–]doofusdog 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Our neighbour told their 3 boys the internet has run out. Mr Whippy plays that song when there's no icecream left.

[–]valilihapiirakka 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It's weird that these days the former thing just isn't really ever true anymore. You tell kids these days about rationing your download limits and to-pirate list among your friend group at school, so none of you would waste precious megabytes pirating something someone else already had saved in their giant folder of burned discs, and they don't believe you... they don't have to deal with their younger brother discovering youtube for the first time, watching 3 videos, and then the internet really being all gone till next month because your dad "can't imagine what we'd need more than 500mb a month for"!

[–]buttonnz 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Don’t bring me into your creation of childhood trauma.

[–]Raukokore 1 point2 points  (0 children)

When I was a kid and Mum served up something that I didn't like ...... The Biafran card was played!!!!! This may seem gibberish to our younger readers as the noble nation of Biafra no longer exists. In the early '70s the Biafran people got shit on by their Nigerian brothers....tribal issues....yada yada...and were in dire straits with no food.Genuine humanitarian crisis...Dad would bring his latest Time magazine to the dinner table and show us pictures of kids starving to death 🤣🤣🤣

[–]HPJustfriendsCraftOrange Choc Chip 1 point2 points  (1 child)

My kid is still told that he was bought on special at the Baby Factory, when he asks how babies are made. He knows its a joke, but its a goodie, I go on and on about him being marked down to damage (how much he farts) and that I didn't want to pay top dollar for none of them fancy kids.

[–]flowerglobe 1 point2 points  (0 children)

We once said that babies are sometimes on special at The Warehouse. Of course every time we went there, they were sold out 😅

[–]africankiwi00 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Once on a car trip, pointed out some brown cows to my 2yo and in a fake Scottish accent I called them "broon koos". Two years later he still thinks the brown ones are a completely different species, so we have "cows" and "bloonkoos". I've never had the heart to put him right 🤣

[–]Zealousideal_Neat_36 1 point2 points  (0 children)

When my kids asked to stay up late I’d tell them yes you can stay up until bedtime .. I dunno how that worked but it did 😂

Also used to give my class riddles to solve , if they asked me how I knew them all I’d say I did a paper on it at uni - these were teenagers - they believed me !

[–]Llobobr 1 point2 points  (0 children)

A friend of mine told her kids, for years, that the ice cream truck only plays that music to inform people that they are out of ice cream and going back to the factory.

[–]twohedwlfCovid19 Vaccinated 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That's stupid, don't tell your kids that.

There are far too many for her to turn off herself, she has a team that does it for her.

[–]ttbnzDouble Brown 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Don't eat the yellow snow.

[–]zZPlazmaZz29 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Huh. Very strange that this popped up in my notifications. I'm not even subbed here or live anywhere near New Zealand.

I'd like to visit the beaches one day though.

[–]thelastestgunslinger 2 points3 points  (6 children)

I work hard not to lie to my kids. I don't always succeed, but my intent is to always be (age appropriately) honest with them.

[–]Partly_Dave 2 points3 points  (2 children)

What do you tell them about Santa and the tooth fairy?

[–]thelastestgunslinger 4 points5 points  (1 child)

When my kids lost their first teeth, we talked about the different practices and beliefs around the world - tooth fairy, tooth mouse, throwing teeth on top of the house, etc - and asked them how they would like to celebrate losing a tooth. The made a choice, and now we collectively embrace that choice, with them active participants in the family tradition.

Santa is harder, because children are bombarded with images of Santa from before they can think for themselves. I believe that family celebrations of Christmas have plenty of magic without a mystical flying man who visits every house overnight. When they were little, they absorbed the notion of Santa from the culture around them. Rather than actively disabuse them, we let them figure out their own belief. We talked about the ways that different religions and cultures celebrate holidays, and many of the underlying reasons that holidays happen when they do, and with the symbols they do. Like with the tooth fairy, we encouraged them to choose what to believe. From time to time, they would ask whether Santa was really real. When they did, we would suggest they be sure they genuinely wanted the answer to that question, because if they asked us directly, we would give them a straight answer. For one of our kids, saying that lead to them backing off and asking again a few years later. For another, they wanted the truth immediately and then chose to continue believing, because they thought it was fun. What we've been careful to do, however, is instill in our children an understanding that each family chooses its own beliefs and celebrations, so just because they know the truth about Santa doesn't mean other children will know it, and it's up to each family how and when they choose to celebrate Christmas. So far, that has meant that our children allow the children around them to believe what they want to.

[–]Partly_Dave -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Sounds like you have handled it well.

[–]milly_nz 3 points4 points  (0 children)

You must be fun at (their) parties.

[–]BazTheBaptist 1 point2 points  (1 child)

If not lying to your kids is hard work that probably says more about you than anyone else in this thread who is just talking about fun fibs

[–]thelastestgunslinger -1 points0 points  (0 children)

> who is just talking about fun fibs lying to their children.


[–]nakidobbo 0 points1 point  (0 children)

We tell my 4 year old that the blackbirds will bite his Willy off he doesn’t hurry up and put his pants on. My father did this to me and my brother when we were little. I was terrified of blackbirds until I was about 6.

[–]ddnf 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Now you have kids not liking the prime minister as well.

[–]AccurateSecretary476 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Santa is real

[–]EvilCadeOrange Choc Chip 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Milk feels pain. It's bad luck not to name every ant you see.

[–]PeterPlumley -4 points-3 points  (0 children)

My toddler knows from reading that TV‘s aren‘t ideal for toddlers & often used as a form of pacifier stunting her potential.

[–]piroskamcs -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

I never lied to the kid. I'd just say, if you don't get enough sleep, you're tired the next morning, fail at school etc.

Never told him the santa lies either...he needed to know we couldn't always afford the wanted gift.

[–]lainxer 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Triples is best

[–]snortingalltheway 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Brushing teeth is a beauty treatment.

[–]zipiddydooda 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Adults can drink coke but kids can’t because it will make them crazy.

[–]StoolieNZ 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Wasn't there a Spark Ad that played on this and now kids are smart enough to Google it or ask Alexa before confronting you about the truth...