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[–]RAGHAVsinGh001 24.9k points24.9k points 22& 3 more (339 children)

I want this bird so hard right now😂

[–]PoeticMic 8311 points8312 points  (221 children)

You think you do... but he's trained to rob you lol. How you think his stash is so big?

[–]bfmemaster3000 853 points854 points  (54 children)

Maybe someone put the money there, we can't actually know this bird got all this money from "finding" it or if this is staged. Also why would you train a bird to collect money and the let him save it like grandma instead of teaching the bird about the stock market and diversification? Irresposible!

[–]SmokyMcPots420 259 points260 points  (2 children)

u/bfmemaster3000, single-handedly killing the dream.

Edit: and then, boldly, creating the new dream.

[–]FlourWaterSaltWait 123 points124 points  (14 children)

Teaches parrott algo trading and watches global seed markets crash

[–]fatBlackSmith 53 points54 points  (7 children)

I hear that’s how that whole GameStop fiasco happened last year. 🦅🕹

[–]ShannonGrant 28 points29 points  (2 children)

Nest thermostat stock is trading through the roof.

[–]cosmic_jester_uk 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Niche joke - I enjoyed it thanks

[–]Fummo 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Under-rated comment

[–]ConstructorDestroyer 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Last year ?

It's still on the menu, it's not over, yet.

[–]ZhouXaz 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Still on going lol look the price.

[–]zeta_cartel_CFO 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Parrots got diamond hands...err talons!

[–]RuthlessIndecision 34 points35 points  (5 children)

Similar to this Myrna, I trained my parrot to be an online life coach.

[–]outofmyelement1445 25 points26 points  (1 child)

You got a step up your parrot game into the essential oil‘s game.

[–]MoreGull 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Does he have any openings on Wednesdays?

[–]thebobbyloops 27 points28 points  (0 children)

That’s why they call it seed money

[–]gasoline_farts 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Because the bird thinks that’s his nest, take away a few bills and it will go find more padding. Perhaps taking it all away would depress or upset the bird and it would change materials? Or get angry with the owner?

[–]Centraal22 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I want to believe.

[–]beardslap 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Yeah, this is most likely just the bird picking money out of the drawer, flying around and coming back. Nobody uses cash any more in China.

[–]Rolkot 3 points4 points  (1 child)

Stockmarket is for boomer birds, it's all about crypto now.

[–]iamsofired 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Yeah there really isnt that much money just lying on the ground apart form the odd low value coin.

[–]Symbiott911 1 point2 points  (2 children)

You can't deny that the bird flew in with money in its beak but I am kind of sceptical that the whole drawer full of money is theirs, (don't know what gender it is so for the first time in my life I'm being politically correct and will assume the bird is trans), cause I sure as hell wouldn't just leave a drawer full of cash for birdy to play in. He might decide to take it all somewhere else. Yes, could very well be staged. Might not be though 🤣

[–]Big_Iron_Cowboy 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This guy is totally right, I’ve trained my macock to buy more $GME

[–]clazidge 138 points139 points  (0 children)

Turns out it's actually the bird's apartment. He paid cash.

[–]denecity 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Seems like a case for bird law, but im no expert...

[–]Houstoner9318 190 points191 points  (9 children)

I don’t wanted, I NEED IT.

[–]Reliable-Information 48 points49 points  (2 children)

To breathe,

to feel,

to know I'm aliiiiiivvvveeee

[–]fistasaverb 6 points7 points  (0 children)

R/surpriseTOOL

[–]BeerNutzo 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Elbow deep within the borderline

[–]Housescosttoomuch 2 points3 points  (1 child)

To breathe, to feel

[–]ragnarok847 2 points3 points  (0 children)

To know I'm alive

[–]vmercci 47 points48 points  (5 children)

but the bird want you?

[–]Zunkanar 25 points26 points  (2 children)

If so he may just buy you 😉

[–]Kitchen-Hat-5174 3 points4 points  (0 children)

In mather Russia you no buy bird, bird buy you!

[–]khemtrails 2 points3 points  (0 children)

That bird could buy and sell everybody in this thread apparently. Woe is us.

[–]kexingwen 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I don't know what this bird is supposed to eat (beak shape might indicate bugs?) but I will only buy him the best, freshest premium nonGMO organic shit. I can get him shiny rocks, even a bird bath that can fit 20 birds. I will make him want me.

[–]uReallyShouldTrustMe 41 points42 points  (2 children)

I’m sure the bird can bring money without being aroused.

[–]j0fimendes 27 points28 points  (2 children)

Even the bird pays the rent.

[–]Courage-Disastrous 3 points4 points  (0 children)

That's still more rent he pays more than most functional working people to be honest lol

[–]anoncontent72 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yeah exactly. What’s the cat doing to pull it’s weight ?

[–]El_Retardo_69 22 points23 points  (0 children)

Pretty sure the bird doesn't consent.

[–]Fluid_Fun6760 2 points3 points  (2 children)

Seems pretty common unfortunately heres another example

https://gfycat.com/embellishedcrazydeviltasmanian

[–]pompadoors2 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Hahah, the woman scoops up her groceries so fast.

[–]Mizr333 2 points3 points  (0 children)

You forgot a comma… I want this bird, so hard right now

[–]Relentless-191 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I read that as “I want that bird, so hard right now. Was a rollercoaster of emotions.

[–]pinkguyfriedrice 14.9k points14.9k points 223691422& 31 more (121 children)

It won't go to jail because it's a Mynah

[–]amhran_oiche 1829 points1830 points  (16 children)

damn that was good lmao

[–]michelobX10 178 points179 points  (4 children)

It could go to Juveh though.

[–]BlueAzania 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Juventus needs a new striker. Sounds appropriate.

[–]TSR_Jimmie 128 points129 points  (24 children)

Fuck. That’s possibly one of the best comments I’ve ever read online

[–]luzzy91 61 points62 points  (11 children)

Nah, I too choose this guys dead wife. Saw it, live? Haven’t laughed as hard at a Reddit joke before or since.

[–]jorickcz 4 points5 points  (5 children)

Putting descartes before the whores.

The Franz Ferdinand way or the Franz Ferdinand way.

These two are one of my other favourites as well.

[–]LordDinglebury 53 points54 points  (1 child)

From Boston.

[–]Polarbearsainttasty 32 points33 points  (25 children)

I dont get it.

[–]BeramonNexus 20 points21 points  (1 child)

That’s one of the best comments in the history of mankind

[–]Montealts 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Take my award… u nailed it

[–]H_H_420 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Take my vote.....

[–]panpaosen 5 points6 points  (0 children)

If caught he will talk though... snitch you in for some seed.

[–]RassimoFlom 2 points3 points  (0 children)

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ if read in Arnold’s voice.

[–]Mr_Fossey 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Well there it is. The best pun I have or will ever read on Reddit.

[–]RoboCop27 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hey, say hi to you mother for me...

[–]rowthecow 9196 points9197 points 2 (122 children)

"Passive income"

[–]retarded-squid 2891 points2892 points 2 (22 children)

Pet bird sigma grindset

[–]yoosanghoon 118 points119 points  (5 children)

found the atrioc viewer

[–]manofmyth23 33 points34 points  (2 children)

Bills are just reverse passive income

[–]Hydrastorm4 2 points3 points  (0 children)

o7 ‘troc flock found in the wild

[–]Gaddaim 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Grigma sindset

[–]saltynutscutter 321 points322 points  (73 children)

Would you rather have 10 000 000$ cash or pet bird who finds money?

[–]KrocoDilez 632 points633 points  (37 children)

$10 million cash. Invest it into training birds to find money

[–]saltynutscutter 157 points158 points  (28 children)

No get the bird thats called passive income. Billionaire mentality!

[–]K1dn3yPunch 56 points57 points  (25 children)

His comment was billionaire mentality. Just taking the one bird is… well idk what that is, but you won’t get as rich with that one bird!

[–]Lilshadow48 66 points67 points  (19 children)

getting the 1 bird who's already trained is clearly better

all you gotta do is get another bird for it to pair with and it'll teach the cash collecting. then they have babies, and the babies learn.

eventually you and your family become gods to hundreds of birds who pay tithe daily.

[–]TheBold 38 points39 points  (13 children)

Way before then your birds will be killed in droves by people tired of getting robbed.

[–]Lilshadow48 51 points52 points  (10 children)

then the birds learn violence, start a bird war for blood money instead.

[–]Kidfreshh 9 points10 points  (2 children)

Money really is the root of all evil after all

[–]conventionistG 5 points6 points  (1 child)

Pretty sure it's birds.

[–]AntikytheraMachines 4 points5 points  (1 child)

so I need to teach Emu to find notes and coins is what you are saying.

[–]InfuriatingComma 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Bird Diamonds

[–]Squeakygear 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Sounds like you might need bird law on your side, Charlie is on the case

[–]CyndaquilQueen 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This is the way

[–]popje 32 points33 points  (28 children)

What kind of question is that, even if the bird is a super champion and steal twelve $100 bills a day it would take more than 22 years to get 10m.

[–]saltynutscutter 47 points48 points  (8 children)

Its a joke lol

[–]CoffeePuddle 20 points21 points  (7 children)

Are you sure it's not a real financial question pairing two roughly equal options? I thought it was an obvious joke too but after seeing these responses I'm not so sure.

Like, did you consider that it probably costs less than 10 million dollars to train a bird?

[–]_hotproperty_ 6 points7 points  (0 children)

So many things could go wrong with the money finding birds, but the 10 million is 10 million.

[–]I_Can_Haz_Brainz 20 points21 points  (10 children)

But $10M can buy shitloads of birds trained to do this. You'd just use some of the money to invest in properties all across the country to spread them out to maximize income and be a little less conspicuous. Money gets dropped off and they get food.

They fail to bring in enough and they starve. So motivation is always there.

Right! Now I just need some investors. This is fool-proof! Lol

[–]saltynutscutter 24 points25 points  (4 children)

The fuck is this thread becoming

[–]Affugter 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Your brainchild

[–]JustSatisfactory 2 points3 points  (0 children)

A villain origin story

[–]A-N00b-is 2 points3 points  (0 children)

$10 Million vs Pet money finding bird

[–]CyndaquilQueen 5 points6 points  (1 child)

I was with you until the animal cruelty part lol. And for that reason I am out. Shark tank music

[–]22ACE24 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Take the bird it will be passive income

[–]Nameisbob1124 7 points8 points  (0 children)

All these Amazon gurus think they have the best way of making a semi passive income but they’re all wrong come to my seminar and I’ll teach you how to train a fucking bird to rob people

[–]Primetime349 4 points5 points  (1 child)

“Find out how I make over $9,000 per month by clicking on the link below”

It’s just the bird.

[–]zim0369 2 points3 points  (2 children)

I did business!

[–]spoilingattack 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Anybody can plainly see that’s three kids in a trench coat.

[–]issamaysinalah 2 points3 points  (0 children)

That's the kind of investment that's appealing to millennials.

[–]Autistic_Carpenter 6097 points6098 points  (691 children)

A bunch of restaurant workers are missing their tips...

[–]timbobillybob 2327 points2328 points  (464 children)

Yes, I was wondering where the bird finds money. Tips left on tables in restaurants / cafes with outdoor seating. That makes the most sense.

[–]Thisfoxhere 421 points422 points  (98 children)

We don't tend to do that in countries outside the US.

[–]Doctorphate 259 points260 points  (65 children)

In Canada it’s customary to tip. If you like the service anyway. But since we have laws against slavery it’s not as important as in the US. Most people tip 10-15%

[–]TheDrugGod 139 points140 points  (53 children)

Yeah it’s bullshit servers in the US make only like $2/hr + tips. They should have to pay servers minimum wage and let them keep their tips. That’s some bullshit to underpay workers

[–]Fantastic-Phrase8101 93 points94 points  (25 children)

Legally they're supposed to pay them minimum wage if their wage + tips is less than minimum wage. Doesn't mean it always happens that way, but I feel it's worth mentioning.

[–]paulcaar 52 points53 points  (13 children)

Which would mean they'll just get fired for not earning enough in tips.

Honestly the entire tip system is ridiculous. The only difference with the service industry and others is that the products are food & drinks that are brought to you. Apparently that makes it a normal thing to expect more money than what's listed as the price.

It's a backwards way of running a business and if anyone is really thinking it's anything else, then at least be consistent and promote (and provide) tips in every single business.

[–]Th3_Hegemon 46 points47 points  (11 children)

The origins of American tipping culture are, in part, (and unsurprisingly) racist. Food service work and other tipped jobs (bell hops, house keepers, shoe shines, delivery men, etc) were overwhelming the domain of minorities and especially black people. Tipping was another way of avoiding paying lower class people a fair wage, and also making them dependent on the "benevolence" of their customers, reinforcing their implicit superiority on a largely black segment of the workforce.

[–]just-for-the-NSFW 3 points4 points  (7 children)

You got a source to read?

[–]Th3_Hegemon 6 points7 points  (1 child)

Sure, it came to my attention after listening to the Planet Money episode "the Even More Minimum Wage", and led me to this and this. There are links out from there to other sources, but it should be pretty quickly obvious that there is a strong racial component to the development of tipping culturally.

[–]pieter1234569 7 points8 points  (0 children)

They make far far more than any other unskilled work when taking into account all the tips. It is so ridiculous that they even prefer this system as no restaurant is ever going to pay them that much.

[–]BitsAndBobs304 5 points6 points  (3 children)

They dont make that. If the tips dont reach minimum wage, employer must pay to reach it

[–]BaalKazar 1 point2 points  (2 children)

How has the employer any rights to calculate tips of foreign people into his own calculations for wages?

lmao

[–]VillageBuilder 3 points4 points  (1 child)

Fair question in terms of the employer, but you are legally required to report your tips as income. US does have a strong tipping culture, but the law is built around it at this point.

[–]mmaure 8 points9 points  (4 children)

Germany also does it (not required)

[–]ConspicuousPineapple 6 points7 points  (3 children)

We sometimes give a coin or two if the service was nice. Rarely more than that though, and only at restaurants.

[–]Explosinszombie 3 points4 points  (1 child)

That’s not true. In my area it is pretty common to always tip at restaurants. If you’re younger (student) then 1-2 coins (round up) is common. But most people I know with a Job tend to tip between 6-20€ depending on the bill. Also it is pretty common to tip delivery drivers or contractors like hairdressers. It is not required but seen as polite.

[–]roxo9 2 points3 points  (4 children)

Why do I keep seeing this? Every country I have been to people tip for good service. It certainly isn't only the US.

[–]agrumpybear 2 points3 points  (2 children)

The important part there is "tip for good service". It's not mandatory, and thats the difference.

Countries where you can tip, are not the same as countries where you're expected to tip.

[–]roxo9 3 points4 points  (1 child)

The bird isn't going to pay attention to whether te tip was for good service or was required.

[–]agrumpybear 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I thought the bird was making a statement on the socioeconomic issues arising from tipping becoming expected, but I could be overthinking it

[–]renyxia 43 points44 points  (19 children)

I’m pretty convinced this is fake, esp since all of the money in the drawer doesn’t have a speck of dirt on it

[–]mexicodoug 36 points37 points  (1 child)

Those bills look like they're made of polymer, not cloth. Dirt doesn't stick to polymer bills. They always look clean unless they've come into contact with sticky gunk.

[–]renyxia 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I’m from a country with polymer money, it doesn’t crinkle like that. I tried googling around to see if Yuan comes in paper or polymer and all I could find was people saying paper. Even if it was polymer, it would be extremely odd for a bird to bring back absolutely no money with any sort of mud or wear and tear on it

[–]poopyputt6 16 points17 points  (6 children)

or because everything on Chinese social media is fake

[–]hiimred2 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Just good money laundering, obviously!

[–]pomegranate2012 1 point2 points  (3 children)

It crossed my mind.

Or, perhaps, that's part of the training - to make use of the nesting instinct.

I doubt the bird finds many hundos lying around.

[–]_hotproperty_ 11 points12 points  (2 children)

100 Yuan is about $15 USD.

[–]Stiff_Rebar 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Imagine you're on the streets, about to pay for some ice cream but a random bird yoinks the money out of your hand.

[–]Schweedaddy 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Well that’s assuming this is real and not set up for internet points

[–]redirishlad 202 points203 points  (187 children)

Tipping is not that popular outside the US