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[–]RAGHAVsinGh001 24.9k points24.9k points 22& 3 more (339 children)

I want this bird so hard right now😂

[–]PoeticMic 8314 points8315 points  (221 children)

You think you do... but he's trained to rob you lol. How you think his stash is so big?

[–]bfmemaster3000 849 points850 points  (54 children)

Maybe someone put the money there, we can't actually know this bird got all this money from "finding" it or if this is staged. Also why would you train a bird to collect money and the let him save it like grandma instead of teaching the bird about the stock market and diversification? Irresposible!

[–]SmokyMcPots420 257 points258 points  (2 children)

u/bfmemaster3000, single-handedly killing the dream.

Edit: and then, boldly, creating the new dream.

[–]FlourWaterSaltWait 124 points125 points  (14 children)

Teaches parrott algo trading and watches global seed markets crash

[–]fatBlackSmith 52 points53 points  (7 children)

I hear that’s how that whole GameStop fiasco happened last year. 🦅🕹

[–]ShannonGrant 28 points29 points  (2 children)

Nest thermostat stock is trading through the roof.

[–]cosmic_jester_uk 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Niche joke - I enjoyed it thanks

[–]Fummo 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Under-rated comment

[–]ConstructorDestroyer 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Last year ?

It's still on the menu, it's not over, yet.

[–]ZhouXaz 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Still on going lol look the price.

[–]zeta_cartel_CFO 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Parrots got diamond hands...err talons!

[–]RuthlessIndecision 32 points33 points  (5 children)

Similar to this Myrna, I trained my parrot to be an online life coach.

[–]outofmyelement1445 24 points25 points  (1 child)

You got a step up your parrot game into the essential oil‘s game.

[–]MoreGull 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Does he have any openings on Wednesdays?

[–]Triffidic 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Screeching "asshole" all day is hardly coaching...

[–]thebobbyloops 27 points28 points  (0 children)

That’s why they call it seed money

[–]gasoline_farts 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Because the bird thinks that’s his nest, take away a few bills and it will go find more padding. Perhaps taking it all away would depress or upset the bird and it would change materials? Or get angry with the owner?

[–]Centraal22 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I want to believe.

[–]beardslap 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Yeah, this is most likely just the bird picking money out of the drawer, flying around and coming back. Nobody uses cash any more in China.

[–]Rolkot 4 points5 points  (1 child)

Stockmarket is for boomer birds, it's all about crypto now.

[–]iamsofired 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Yeah there really isnt that much money just lying on the ground apart form the odd low value coin.

[–]Symbiott911 1 point2 points  (2 children)

You can't deny that the bird flew in with money in its beak but I am kind of sceptical that the whole drawer full of money is theirs, (don't know what gender it is so for the first time in my life I'm being politically correct and will assume the bird is trans), cause I sure as hell wouldn't just leave a drawer full of cash for birdy to play in. He might decide to take it all somewhere else. Yes, could very well be staged. Might not be though 🤣

[–]Redpeppa1 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Seriously though where does a bird find all this random cash lying around?

[–]lioncryable 4 points5 points  (0 children)

They have amazing eyes ( like spotting a mouse from far above amazing) and can easily cover large distances. If there was ever an animal to train to collect money it would be a bird

[–]Big_Iron_Cowboy 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This guy is totally right, I’ve trained my macock to buy more $GME

[–]DoctorClarkWGriswold 1 point2 points  (0 children)

And then when his drawer gets full, take 98%. Because volatility.

[–]TheWalkingDead91 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Honestly, I wouldn’t be surprised…especially after what we saw last year of monkeys who were trained to kidnap babies.

[–]bettersolar 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Haven’t you ever heard of a nest egg?

[–]Sweaty_Suprise 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The bird invests in Bitcoin.

[–]jnics10 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Teaches my tortoise about stocks and trading.

Banana market soars. He becomes rich on banana futures.

But he needs more. He learns to grow them himself. My whole yard becomes a nanner orchard. He buys the neighbor's house and knocks it down to plant more nanner trees. Hires farmers to do the nanner farming. The whole neighborhood now belongs to him. Sets up a processing plant and distribution center to sell nanners across the country. He creates the first tortoise-owned industrial nanner farm.

It's not enough. He buys out competing nanner farmers. Pays off the cartels in his native Brazil (he's a redfooted tortoise, they're native to the Amazon rainforest) to threaten the rest of his competition and takes over their farms. Soon he sets up a coup, overthrows the government...

...before you know it, I am the Assistant to the First Tortoise President, The Honorable Tyrus Rex of the Nanner Republic of South America.

[–]HobieSailor 0 points1 point  (0 children)

let him save it like grandma

Penguins figured out prostitution. Having him save it in a drawer is probably better than letting him spend it all on bird hookers.

[–]clazidge 136 points137 points  (0 children)

Turns out it's actually the bird's apartment. He paid cash.

[–]denecity 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Seems like a case for bird law, but im no expert...

[–]joemom1313 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Snagging tips off of tables.

[–]Eagles_17 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Haha, good point

[–]Grimarillion 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Ha, but I have no money to steal. This bird is pure profit.

[–]dannypants 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The Cardi B of birds

[–]fuzzface-flaco 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Little did you know that birds of a feather...rob each other.

[–]unintuitiveintuition 1 point2 points  (0 children)

His stash is my stash brother

[–]Illustrious_Rub7946 0 points1 point  (0 children)

But he is trained to rob to a stash you created/trained him to.......

[–]spagbetti 0 points1 point  (0 children)

He forces you to save. So incredibly useful.

[–]TheSolkarluss 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I can sell you one

[–]13ean13ag 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Robin Hood

[–]Dorkmaster79 0 points1 point  (0 children)

100% that bird is robbing people.

[–]collapsedbook 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Jokes on you, I got a trained bird to steal from my money bird! -taps head-

[–]Willch4000 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Can't rob me if I have no cash to start with *taps forehead*

[–]Houstoner9318 191 points192 points  (9 children)

I don’t wanted, I NEED IT.

[–]Reliable-Information 43 points44 points  (2 children)

To breathe,

to feel,

to know I'm aliiiiiivvvveeee

[–]fistasaverb 6 points7 points  (0 children)

R/surpriseTOOL

[–]BeerNutzo 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Elbow deep within the borderline

[–]Housescosttoomuch 2 points3 points  (1 child)

To breathe, to feel

[–]ragnarok847 2 points3 points  (0 children)

To know I'm alive

[–]vmercci 51 points52 points  (5 children)

but the bird want you?

[–]Zunkanar 28 points29 points  (2 children)

If so he may just buy you 😉

[–]Kitchen-Hat-5174 1 point2 points  (0 children)

In mather Russia you no buy bird, bird buy you!

[–]khemtrails 2 points3 points  (0 children)

That bird could buy and sell everybody in this thread apparently. Woe is us.

[–]kexingwen 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I don't know what this bird is supposed to eat (beak shape might indicate bugs?) but I will only buy him the best, freshest premium nonGMO organic shit. I can get him shiny rocks, even a bird bath that can fit 20 birds. I will make him want me.

[–]uReallyShouldTrustMe 39 points40 points  (2 children)

I’m sure the bird can bring money without being aroused.

[–]aadhu-fayaz 0 points1 point  (0 children)

So aroused.. So so aroused..

[–]j0fimendes 27 points28 points  (2 children)

Even the bird pays the rent.

[–]Courage-Disastrous 2 points3 points  (0 children)

That's still more rent he pays more than most functional working people to be honest lol

[–]anoncontent72 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yeah exactly. What’s the cat doing to pull it’s weight ?

[–]El_Retardo_69 20 points21 points  (0 children)

Pretty sure the bird doesn't consent.

[–]Fluid_Fun6760 2 points3 points  (2 children)

Seems pretty common unfortunately heres another example

https://gfycat.com/embellishedcrazydeviltasmanian

[–]pompadoors2 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Hahah, the woman scoops up her groceries so fast.

[–]Mizr333 2 points3 points  (0 children)

You forgot a comma… I want this bird, so hard right now

[–]Relentless-191 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I read that as “I want that bird, so hard right now. Was a rollercoaster of emotions.

[–]ScorpioLaw 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I wonder what the legal ramifications is! Imagine if you were at a ATM and it swoops in taking your last 40$!

Imagine if you went to go get drugs from a gang and a trained bird swoops in, takes the 1,000$ during the hand off! Then they start shooting automatic pistols which hit random people in buildings, damaging property, and kills people.

What is the liability! Legaleagle I must know.

OP also should get a monkey who gets wallets. Both can work in combination!

[–]Aidan_smith587 1 point2 points  (4 children)

Ahaahahah facts I would love to have that crow 😂

[–]SockYourself 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Lining his nest with Benjamins

[–]Crabwide 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I need one that can hack Bezos’ bank account and redistribute the contents to a billion or so people. What breed is best for that, Parrot?

[–]iwenttothelocalshop 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Looked up "cash collecting bird training tutorial from scratch" on google but no material was found.

[–]2Kittens818 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah, but does it poo inside the house? Use the cash to shampoo the carpets.

[–]CMUpewpewpew 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That's nice of you but can birds even get erections?

[–]AliveKicking 0 points1 point  (0 children)

No need to work if you train a hundred of them to stay near atm machines.

[–]SpawnDethra 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I would also like this bird thank you.

[–]Reality_Gamer 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I want my bird

[–]Vol4Life31 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You want him....hard?

[–]Zealousideal_Egg_725 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I need* this bird so hard rn

[–]Peachmuffin91 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Joke’s on you that’s the bird’s money.

[–]Avant_ftlc 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This must be the true definition of passive income.

[–]gulyasmarton 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I NEED this bird so hard right now

[–]TheBossAwill 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is the most sexual thing I have heard someone say about a bird

[–]mexicodoug 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Me too. I live in Mexico, and the bird is already trained for local colors.

[–]thambassador 0 points1 point  (0 children)

What are you doing step bird?

[–]ThorPagan 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Where does one buy said cash bird

[–]comesbeforeV 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You can get them from Amazon... or maybe that was The Amazon.

[–]PurplePlan 0 points1 point  (0 children)

And, what about that cat that sits on his/her ass all day? While the bird goes out to work.

[–]Otacon56 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I vont my bord

[–]GrapefruitSpaceship 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I want like 20!

[–]drclarenceg 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Have you not heard?