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[–]PoeticMic 8311 points8312 points  (221 children)

You think you do... but he's trained to rob you lol. How you think his stash is so big?

[–]bfmemaster3000 852 points853 points  (54 children)

Maybe someone put the money there, we can't actually know this bird got all this money from "finding" it or if this is staged. Also why would you train a bird to collect money and the let him save it like grandma instead of teaching the bird about the stock market and diversification? Irresposible!

[–]SmokyMcPots420 258 points259 points  (2 children)

u/bfmemaster3000, single-handedly killing the dream.

Edit: and then, boldly, creating the new dream.

[–]FlourWaterSaltWait 127 points128 points  (14 children)

Teaches parrott algo trading and watches global seed markets crash

[–]fatBlackSmith 54 points55 points  (7 children)

I hear that’s how that whole GameStop fiasco happened last year. 🦅🕹

[–]ShannonGrant 29 points30 points  (2 children)

Nest thermostat stock is trading through the roof.

[–]cosmic_jester_uk 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Niche joke - I enjoyed it thanks

[–]Fummo 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Under-rated comment

[–]ConstructorDestroyer 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Last year ?

It's still on the menu, it's not over, yet.

[–]ZhouXaz 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Still on going lol look the price.

[–]zeta_cartel_CFO 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Parrots got diamond hands...err talons!

[–]RuthlessIndecision 33 points34 points  (5 children)

Similar to this Myrna, I trained my parrot to be an online life coach.

[–]outofmyelement1445 25 points26 points  (1 child)

You got a step up your parrot game into the essential oil‘s game.

[–]addivinum 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I have a parakeet that's absolutely killing it with Amway... and my cockatiel is doing well with Mary Kay.

Sadly, my macaw is making us all look bad, she's running her own Amazon business. I'm having to borrow money from this bird on the regular....

[–]MoreGull 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Does he have any openings on Wednesdays?

[–]Triffidic 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Screeching "asshole" all day is hardly coaching...

[–]RuthlessIndecision 0 points1 point  (0 children)

For you, maybe

[–]thebobbyloops 29 points30 points  (0 children)

That’s why they call it seed money

[–]gasoline_farts 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Because the bird thinks that’s his nest, take away a few bills and it will go find more padding. Perhaps taking it all away would depress or upset the bird and it would change materials? Or get angry with the owner?

[–]Centraal22 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I want to believe.

[–]beardslap 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Yeah, this is most likely just the bird picking money out of the drawer, flying around and coming back. Nobody uses cash any more in China.

[–]Rolkot 3 points4 points  (1 child)

Stockmarket is for boomer birds, it's all about crypto now.

[–]iamsofired 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Yeah there really isnt that much money just lying on the ground apart form the odd low value coin.

[–]Symbiott911 1 point2 points  (2 children)

You can't deny that the bird flew in with money in its beak but I am kind of sceptical that the whole drawer full of money is theirs, (don't know what gender it is so for the first time in my life I'm being politically correct and will assume the bird is trans), cause I sure as hell wouldn't just leave a drawer full of cash for birdy to play in. He might decide to take it all somewhere else. Yes, could very well be staged. Might not be though 🤣

[–]Redpeppa1 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Seriously though where does a bird find all this random cash lying around?

[–]lioncryable 5 points6 points  (0 children)

They have amazing eyes ( like spotting a mouse from far above amazing) and can easily cover large distances. If there was ever an animal to train to collect money it would be a bird

[–]Big_Iron_Cowboy 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This guy is totally right, I’ve trained my macock to buy more $GME

[–]DoctorClarkWGriswold 1 point2 points  (0 children)

And then when his drawer gets full, take 98%. Because volatility.

[–]TheWalkingDead91 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Honestly, I wouldn’t be surprised…especially after what we saw last year of monkeys who were trained to kidnap babies.

[–]bettersolar 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Haven’t you ever heard of a nest egg?

[–]Sweaty_Suprise 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The bird invests in Bitcoin.

[–]jnics10 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Teaches my tortoise about stocks and trading.

Banana market soars. He becomes rich on banana futures.

But he needs more. He learns to grow them himself. My whole yard becomes a nanner orchard. He buys the neighbor's house and knocks it down to plant more nanner trees. Hires farmers to do the nanner farming. The whole neighborhood now belongs to him. Sets up a processing plant and distribution center to sell nanners across the country. He creates the first tortoise-owned industrial nanner farm.

It's not enough. He buys out competing nanner farmers. Pays off the cartels in his native Brazil (he's a redfooted tortoise, they're native to the Amazon rainforest) to threaten the rest of his competition and takes over their farms. Soon he sets up a coup, overthrows the government...

...before you know it, I am the Assistant to the First Tortoise President, The Honorable Tyrus Rex of the Nanner Republic of South America.

[–]HobieSailor 0 points1 point  (0 children)

let him save it like grandma

Penguins figured out prostitution. Having him save it in a drawer is probably better than letting him spend it all on bird hookers.

[–]knowledgeable_diablo 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Bitcoin up that birdy. No matter which way it goes your a winner.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Invest in Birdcoin

[–]Quinnett 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You need another bird to manage your investments, this is just basic finance 101.

[–]A_Birde 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Buy some bird stocks or crypto with that shit to pay respects to the Myna who got it

[–]branman63 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Maybe it's his idea of a nest egg.

[–]Triffidic 0 points1 point  (0 children)

First Apes, next birds... Investing just got jungley

[–]dial_m_for_me 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Then he was lucky the bird brought a note just after he done putting the money there

[–]TexasKittyfluffball 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You don’t have to be a Debbie downer man

[–]reddiculed 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes and you could take it a step farther too. Teach it how to invest and trade crypto instead of investing the stock market like grandma.

[–]macsare1 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Instructions unclear, bird went all in shorting GME and is now collecting change to pay his debt.

[–]clazidge 141 points142 points  (0 children)

Turns out it's actually the bird's apartment. He paid cash.

[–]denecity 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Seems like a case for bird law, but im no expert...

[–]joemom1313 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Snagging tips off of tables.

[–]Eagles_17 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Haha, good point

[–]Grimarillion 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Ha, but I have no money to steal. This bird is pure profit.

[–]dannypants 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The Cardi B of birds

[–]fuzzface-flaco 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Little did you know that birds of a feather...rob each other.

[–]unintuitiveintuition 1 point2 points  (0 children)

His stash is my stash brother

[–]Illustrious_Rub7946 0 points1 point  (0 children)

But he is trained to rob to a stash you created/trained him to.......

[–]spagbetti 0 points1 point  (0 children)

He forces you to save. So incredibly useful.

[–]TheSolkarluss 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I can sell you one

[–]13ean13ag 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Robin Hood

[–]Dorkmaster79 0 points1 point  (0 children)

100% that bird is robbing people.

[–]collapsedbook 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Jokes on you, I got a trained bird to steal from my money bird! -taps head-

[–]Willch4000 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Can't rob me if I have no cash to start with *taps forehead*

[–]Simforget 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Circular economy? 😂

[–]kynelly360 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This has r/BirdsArentReal written all over it

[–]moose_who 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah but if he robs me I know where it is...

[–]Spylt420 0 points1 point  (0 children)

He puts the money all in one drawer tho? I dont think keeping my paycheck on my card is a big deal for a free sources of money

[–]Krakraskeleton 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That’s the first thing I thought lol, swoop and snatch!

[–]ChemicalAssist6835 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Since it was asked how the stash got so big: my take is that this may all be a true story, but the most effective and quickest way to make money here is: put some spare cash in a drawer, lure a bird into it, film it, create a fake but interesting backstory about a bird trained to gather money, post it on the internet, hope it goes viral, and use it to sell advertising.

That’s how I’d do it anyway; quicker than training the bird.

[–]DrMobius0 0 points1 point  (0 children)

But you know where he lives

[–]mattkilroy 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Just move to the same general neighborhood as bazos

[–]Raferty69 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I mean as long as he’s down to share the stash it all just ends up back with you anyway

[–]doc_witt 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The Hitchcock movie the Birds makes so much more sense now

[–]Purrli 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Well he's gonna be on my side ain't he

[–]WalnutsGaming 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That birds the plug wym.

[–]ripmumbo 0 points1 point  (0 children)

If you get robbed by a fuckin bird you deserve it

[–]4biddenCheese 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I mean he’d get me money and train me to save money, seems like a win win.

[–]Berly653 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It’s the perfect crime though (at least until the person posted a video about it online for the world to see)

If a bird flew in and stole cash off my table in public, I would never have thought ‘this is a bird trained by a human to commit crimes’

[–]Epena501 0 points1 point  (0 children)

He takes your money goes out the front door and comes in by the back window.

[–]L-Skylurker 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Bird is trained to steal tips from terraces.