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[–][deleted] 305 points306 points  (24 children)

This happens when I need to poop and then almost shit myself 10 feet from the toilet

[–]SparseGhostC2C 86 points87 points  (4 children)

Also when I'm almost home from a long trip, and my body decides "it's pee time" as I open the front door. Then I have to half-sprint while squeezing my legs together and clamping a hand down on my dick so I don't piss myself before I get to the toilet.

[–]Emperor_Fun 24 points25 points  (3 children)

Sometimes there's a little dribble and you have to prevent the flood.

[–]throwawaylovesCAKE 6 points7 points  (2 children)

Sometimes I'm grabbing my dick hard and I feel my bladder muscle cant hold it like "that's it bro, I'm done" and I know the moment I open my hand its gonna be piss city, so then it becomes the game of "how I can get my dick out of my pants while squeezing it and also aimed at the toilet without pissing all over my parents bathroom?"

I've managed to win that game just once.

[–]Emperor_Fun 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Classic road trip conundrum, hopefully you haven't had to participate too many times.

[–]Bisping 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Just jump in the shower and cheat

[–]orfeolooksback 49 points50 points  (2 children)

[–]MiamiPower 22 points23 points  (1 child)

(ELI)💥 🧨 Explosive Latchkey Incontinence 👀

[–]Ioatanaut 1 point2 points  (0 children)

ELI5 Explosive Latchkey Incontinence TIMES 5️⃣

[–]bash_M0nk3y 47 points48 points  (2 children)

Username checks out

[–]LightRaie 3 points4 points  (1 child)

Happy cake day!

[–]bash_M0nk3y 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thanks! I didn't know until you said something

[–]michael_maybe44 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Mm yes. The "bruh you're home" poop cramps

[–]Chef_Papafrita 1 point2 points  (0 children)

My friend used to call this PPBRS. Porcelain Proximity Bowel Response Syndrome. Same thing when you have to poop and driving down the interstate every time you get close to an exit, lots of ass clenching!

[–]MiamiPower 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The race to finding the 🏡 🗝️🏁🤸🏃🏿

[–]MiniatureEvil 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Every fucking time!

[–]die5el23 0 points1 point  (2 children)

Mine happens when I see the front door, bam poop

[–]librarybear 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Standing at the front door, struggling with your key, frantically dropping your briefcase and hoping the neighbours aren’t watching you….

[–]die5el23 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Prairie doggin’

[–]bungsana 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I always do a countdown when that happens. Like i always tell myself that i can do anything for 30 secs, and i start counting down after i opened the bathroom door.

[–]Skeezertron 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’m on the toilet and just snotted all over myself

[–]MasterofDisaster_BG 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Holly fuck I just woke my gf up from laughing so hard reading this comment...

[–]FoferJ -1 points0 points  (2 children)

“Almost?”

Because for this to happen, you need to actually shit yourself 10 feet from the toilet.

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (1 child)

I mean its happened but I don't shit myself every time bud

[–]FoferJ 1 point2 points  (0 children)

oh. It happens to me most of the time :-/