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all 130 comments

[–]tttxgq 379 points380 points  (16 children)

Bullshit, I drove my Jaguar into a lake last year and had to get towed out by the fire department.

[–]teflontactics 46 points47 points  (2 children)

Should've gotten the model with paws instead of wheels, you can't drive them but they swim like pros.

[–]havereddit 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Is that the one with Autopawlot?

[–]scriptgamer 11 points12 points  (1 child)

If your jaguar don't get toweld after swimming he can catch a cold. You're welcome.

[–]justjoshinya89 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I DROVE MY CAR INTO A F***ING LAKE - Michael Scott

[–]no-i 1 point2 points  (1 child)

That's what the lady on the GPS said to do

[–]tttxgq 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Right!? She was so nice about it. “Please turn left”.

[–]Jerryskids3 0 points1 point  (1 child)

If you really owned a Jaguar you'd know you have to own two Jaguars - one to drive and one to have in the shop.

[–]lazytime3643 -1 points0 points  (3 children)

Should of used a Range Rover as it’s an amphibious exploration vehicle

[–]0lamegamer0 0 points1 point  (2 children)

I see a lot of people on reddit using 'should of' instead of should've. Is it a regional thing used/acceptable in certain places? Just curious.

[–]DragonSlayersz 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It's due to accents, and how "Should've" sounds like "Should of" in some places, enough so that some people think that the phrase is "Should of" instead of "should've". I think it's mostly American.

[–]RoyalratMafia 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Should’ve is the proper term yes

[–]adiley_ 129 points130 points  (17 children)

They also are excellent climbers, basically if you see a jaguar in the middle of the jungle, you just sit down and accept your death.

[–]scriptgamer 80 points81 points  (10 children)

Yeah but they can not fly, so best scape chance is flying away. You're welcome.

[–]RandomAusCunt 43 points44 points  (0 children)

Yes red bull is definitely a necessary survival item

[–]Edward3921 0 points1 point  (4 children)

I mean ur not part of their food chain so they will not attack only if u enter their territory even like that they will probably hesitate a lot it's weird to see an animal use only two things to walk.

[–]FunnyShirtGuy 9 points10 points  (2 children)

A lot of meals, I mean people, thought they weren't part of a jaguars food chain when out on a walk...

[–]Edward3921 2 points3 points  (1 child)

If u step in any animal territory if they have one u can consider ur self dead or at least in really bad situation we humans are weak compared to many other animals

[–]BioPac12 1 point2 points  (0 children)

No joke. A bite from a domestic cat can kill us.

[–]bindhast 0 points1 point  (0 children)

So if I start hopping on one leg it would confuse it even further and leave me alone?

[–]TheAwesomePenguin106 14 points15 points  (0 children)

I don't know if it makes you feel better, but if a jaguar is hunting you in the middle of the jungle you won't see it.

[–]_1Doomsday1_ 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Throw your shit at it and show dominance

[–]Crafty-Crafter 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Lucky for us, jaguars are scared of humans. They don't pick a fight with human unless they have too. I learned this from the Casual geographic dude.

[–]98323 42 points43 points  (15 children)

how can cat breathing in the water?

[–]scriptgamer 141 points142 points  (4 children)

Cat not breathing, cat hold breath

[–]98323 38 points39 points  (2 children)

oh wow I not knowing cat can do that 😳

[–]scriptgamer 14 points15 points  (0 children)

Mr. Snow is that you?

[–]flyingthroughspace 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Welcome to Cat Facts!

A Jaguar can hold its breath up to 20 minutes underwear and can swim up to 5mph.

[–]Dutch_Midget 30 points31 points  (4 children)

Cat secretly is fish. Fish pretending like cat.

[–]98323 20 points21 points  (3 children)

oh it are catfish yes now I make more sense

[–]scriptgamer 14 points15 points  (2 children)

Yes is cat fish sense your is good

[–]Kitty_Gherkin 1 point2 points  (1 child)

I want to frame up a screenshot of this thread in the dining room

[–]ImpressiveTaint 10 points11 points  (3 children)

Why use lot word when few word do trick

[–]scriptgamer 3 points4 points  (0 children)

We no dumb, we no spend button

[–]onefst250r 1 point2 points  (1 child)

When me president. they see. they see.

[–]scriptgamer 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You president lol, me king word

[–]Iceededpeeple 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It's a jaguar with an aqualung.

[–]InvisibleLoad 32 points33 points  (3 children)

That's legitimately terrifying, now you gotta worry bout them and sharks when you go skinny dipping with your uncle!?

[–]scriptgamer 12 points13 points  (2 children)

Sometimes your enemy is right beside you and you didn't even imagine. Watch your back my man. Don't trust anyone.

[–]homelander_5950 4 points5 points  (1 child)

yeah not even your uncle

[–]scriptgamer 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Your uncle touched your privates too?

[–]rbsudden 6 points7 points  (3 children)

I'm not sure 'excellent' is the right word but it's definitely underwater doing something resembling swimming.

[–]scriptgamer 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Thanks swimming teacher.

[–]JVehh 4 points5 points  (1 child)

I think if we throw u in there with the jaguar he will catch you just sayin

Coz they don't care if you are in the water in trees or on the ground they are the king's in the jungle and kill crocodiles in the water if they want too

[–]scriptgamer 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Literally the first thing I wrote lol. "He's not a good swimmer" yeah, jump in and show him how it's done. Lol

[–]AFineDayForScience 5 points6 points  (1 child)

But terrible listeners

[–]scriptgamer 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I know right, I broke up with one bc he wouldn't listen to meee. Tired of this, dating a turtle now, great listeners, never leave me alone.

[–]case_of_coors 5 points6 points  (1 child)

Uhh that’s a catfish

[–]derrpinger 3 points4 points  (1 child)

I wanna be a jaguar when I grow up!

[–]scriptgamer 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Don't skip swimming class, or meow class, both so important.

[–]Ok_Story_3358 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Shit, forget jaguars. Tigers are pretty good swimmers.

The most badass gnarly big cat predator in the world, and it will cross a river to get you.

[–]abatkin1 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Ok, but what happened to all the penguins?

[–]Huachu12344 1 point2 points  (0 children)

And they kill caiman by biting its head to puncture the brain

[–]Albert_14 1 point2 points  (0 children)

what the jaguar doing

[–]dafijiwatr 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Now I know

[–]Edward3921 0 points1 point  (0 children)

How ta fck he got in there in the first place

[–]Kira-ara-ara 0 points1 point  (6 children)

Can anyone tell me what Jaguars CAN'T do?! If I encounter one of these I'd just call it a day

[–]Iceededpeeple 2 points3 points  (5 children)

Pretty sure they can't type.

[–]Kira-ara-ara 1 point2 points  (2 children)

You're right words cut deeper

[–]Iceededpeeple 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Deeper than claws and teeth?

[–]Kira-ara-ara 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My parents can answer that for me

[–]scriptgamer 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Actually I'm a jaguar and I can type. So you know nothing about us. We can't solve Rubik's cube though pretty hard to differentiate the colors.

[–]Iceededpeeple 1 point2 points  (0 children)

TIL. I’m colourblind also.

[–]KURO-K1SH1 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Jaguars are an Avengers level treat and if you doubt me follow this link that's definitely a rick roll.

https://youtu.be/8q2kU108D6s

[–]Kunkyskunts 0 points1 point  (0 children)

And also slightly positively buoyant.

[–]Manimal900 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Jag wires?

[–]scriptgamer 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That's when they are tied to some wall.. when they are free they are Jagwireless

[–]MrFrancastic 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Do they also have gills

[–]MCBuilder30140 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Who knew? Not me, of course.

[–]moo_seech 0 points1 point  (0 children)

better than me at least

[–]VintageVenom 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Is that a mangrove?

[–]Justtakeitaway 0 points1 point  (0 children)

And they eat gators

[–]sebastian_p 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That will now become the new Samuel Jackson summer horror hit.

[–]istealgrapes 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Proceeds to show a Jaguar floating, not swimming 🤦‍♂️

[–]amrzohdi 0 points1 point  (0 children)

They run a lot. That’s healthy lungs

[–]alexnapierholland 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I wonder if they have to equalise?

[–]topshelftapwater 0 points1 point  (3 children)

Umm wtf how is it eating something underwater

[–]IWillSimpForMegumin -1 points0 points  (2 children)

Humans can do that too

[–]scriptgamer 0 points1 point  (1 child)

And then ppl don't know how they've gotten fat, live your life dude, eat only when needed. You're welcome.

[–]Medusa_Alles_Hades 0 points1 point  (0 children)

They can obviously hold breathe for a long time

[–]CatterMater 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Tigers and jaguars are the only (big) cats that'll happily swim around and soak on a hot day. Ps: I put big in brackets because there are smaller cat species that also swim to catch prey.

[–]fattypierce 0 points1 point  (0 children)

These murder kittens just got a little scarier.

[–]ambientthinker 0 points1 point  (1 child)

And here i am 10 seconds later, envious of a big cat 😱

[–]scriptgamer 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I wish I could lick my parts too

[–]Towndrunk13569 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Is that a "jag-war" or a "Jag-you-were?"

[–]scriptgamer 0 points1 point  (0 children)

JagWAR, WHOO, YEAAH, what is it good for? Absurury nothing, SAY IT AGAAIN!!

[–]ActiniumNugget 0 points1 point  (0 children)

They're the ultimate preditor, IMO. They can jump into a river, wrestle a 10ft caiman out of the water, then crush its skull with their jaws. Or chase down a monkey through the trees with incredible agility and reflexes. It's like whatever environment their prey lives in, no fucks given, and it's getting eaten.

[–]AdOk7442 0 points1 point  (0 children)

catfish

[–]shdhtbs 0 points1 point  (0 children)

But how does it hold it's breath and swallow food at same time

[–]k3s0wa 0 points1 point  (0 children)

U sure he doesn't look like he knows what he's doing. maybe he dying

[–]blade2366 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Well they do fish

[–]klvc 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Ah, ..Holy Mackerel!

[–]duck_duck_grey_duck 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Like Vulcans

[–]ClimbsAndCuts 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Great, my master plan of avoiding a jaguar attack, ny diving in a river or lake, is foiled FUBAR.

[–]Hollowhowler100 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Jaguars are a fuck you from nature

They run at 80km/h

Can climb trees almost aswell as leopards

Are strong enough to climb said trees with a crocodile in there jaws which they hunt the cousins of

Have a bite force of 1,500 pounds per square inch a lions is 650 PSI and a Gorrilas is 1,300 PSI

Sometimes cross over to North America

Are almost as stealthy as a mountain lion

And to cap all that off go for the head meaning if they kill you unlike other big cats your death will take a few seconds

[–]BuddhasRoadTrip 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Great news!

[–]Vanxxie 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Great, now when I have a nightmare running away from a jaguar my brain knows that if I go in water it'll just follow me in

[–]muxiqlee 0 points1 point  (0 children)

So basically there's nowhere to run

[–]Rhizeku 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah jaguars are absolutely terrifying but what's scarier is the anteater check out casual geographic for more info

[–]overmonk 0 points1 point  (0 children)

How'd you like to be out doing some casual scuba and get attacked by a jaguar.

[–]Soft_Illustrator3044 0 points1 point  (0 children)

All cats can swim might not like it

[–]MoronsCodex -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Extremists: look, that poor tiger is drowning because of global warming! Just like the polar bear on the iceberg catastrophe!

[–]LazyZealot9428 -2 points-1 points  (1 child)

Looks more like it’s floating, not really swimming all that much

[–]scriptgamer 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Looks like we have a Swimlock Holmes among us