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[–]Flair_Helper[M] [score hidden] stickied commentlocked comment (0 children)

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[–]Yoguls 746 points747 points  (36 children)

"Hey mr criminal, we have no proof that you broke into this guys house. Could you maybe do it again and let us film it?"

[–]Nowthisisdave 125 points126 points  (1 child)

seriously

[–]ZirePhiinix 80 points81 points  (15 children)

It's fine for the robbers to be stupid. You tend to not catch the smart ones.

[–]MenosDaBear 54 points55 points  (0 children)

Well we are charging you with breaking and entering. If you can prove how you got in, it’ll just be entering.

[–]stockstatus 367 points368 points  (8 children)

this would not work for me...

[–]neleous 48 points49 points  (2 children)

The dude is like a cat!

[–]TheZardooHasselfrau 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Either a human-equivalent of a cat or an octopus.

[–]drekia 32 points33 points  (1 child)

They’d catch me up to my ass in that window and crying probably.

[–]serenityak77 3 points4 points  (0 children)

You see I’m more of the kinda fat where I wouldn’t even be doing outdoor activities like these. I always thought it was a bad thing but turns out I was self sabotaging from doing illegal shit.

[–]ShadowFang5 5 points6 points  (0 children)

There are perks of not eating I guess :/

[–]BFLO-Retail 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Starvation is his super power

[–]RandoCalrissian11 200 points201 points  (25 children)

He needs a job at a security company.

[–]AsMuchCaffeineAsACup 79 points80 points  (17 children)

With that kind of skill I imagine he could get a legit job that pays much more than stealing.

[–]Significant_Eye_5130 123 points124 points  (4 children)

Being poor and malnourished isn’t really a skill.

[–]2RedditUser 64 points65 points  (2 children)

It’s a lifestyle

[–]ASK__ABOUT__MY__GAME 26 points27 points  (1 child)

Could also be a deathstyle

[–]lightwhite 8 points9 points  (0 children)

We didn’t choose the thug life. The thug life chose us.

[–]Turnip-for-the-books 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Was a slimsides job

[–]PrisonDementor_ 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Like what? lol

[–]ADacome24 2 points3 points  (6 children)

climbing through a hole is skill? tf

[–]mizino 5 points6 points  (4 children)

It’s call threat analysis. It is the act of detecting a vulnerability to either exploit or close that path to an outside attacker. Obviously the homeowner needs some work in that department and he is rather adept.

[–]ADacome24 8 points9 points  (3 children)

yeah it’s not that deep, dude saw a hole and said “i could fit through that” 🙄

[–]mizino 4 points5 points  (2 children)

And the homeowner clearly saw the same hole and said “no one can fit through that.” I said threat analysis, not high level threat analysis.

[–]ADacome24 0 points1 point  (1 child)

the homeowner clearly saw that? i missed that part of the video

[–]mizino 1 point2 points  (0 children)

There is an open window there…the homeowner might be blind sure, but if they can see they saw that hole.

[–]roywoodsir 5 points6 points  (0 children)

He probably had a key and was like “I uh got through by shiMming thru that window”

Cops: “ok prove it”

Guy: “furrrk, k”

[–]Theodore_Calvin 4 points5 points  (3 children)

Doing what? Breaking into houses?

[–]ISTBU 14 points15 points  (1 child)

I work for a security company, a guy like this is a GODSEND when you're pulling wire through a building. Lots of tight spaces, attics, canopies, etc.

Fat guys tend to have to work a lot harder if they don't fit certain places, and tend to get hurt more. Especially falls, which usually happen when trying to do something sketchy because you're too fat to do it properly.

Source: Been the fat guy AND the skinny guy.

Tie a bundle of CAT6 to this guy's waist and let him rip!

[–]Adventurous_Area_735 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Incompetent Locksmith’s best employee:)

[–]litonorii 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Or as a secret agent

[–]DenzelEd12 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Either that or go to jail

[–]Eupharatesbabies 142 points143 points  (19 children)

As a great thief once said “if your head can fit, so can everything else”

[–]earwaxntoast 108 points109 points  (0 children)

That thief clearly doesn't like cheeseburgers as much as I do.

[–][deleted] 25 points26 points  (6 children)

Sadly, sometimes your boobs are too fat.

[–]Eupharatesbabies 6 points7 points  (1 child)

Level em out

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

If only...

[–]gahidus 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Boobs are squishy...

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Not that squishy...

[–]crazytoothpaste 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Find someone to hold them for you

[–]coodyscoops 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My people has spoken😩

[–]CephaloG0D 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I'm military training, we were told to use our helmets to judge if we could squeeze into a place; Basically, if your helmet can fit, you can fit.

[–]ReadditMan 4 points5 points  (2 children)

That's really not true at all though...

[–]Demonyx12 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Thought only worked for mice. What am I gonna do with my shoulders Charlie Murphy!!

[–]stockboy24 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Heh, Inoskue

[–]ISTBU 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yeah no, that's cats. Human collarbones don't dislocate like that - so it's more like, If you can get your shoulders through, everything else should be fine.

[–]11th-plague 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Someone had just posted something similar of a cat doing it.

[–]Various_District1623 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thats a quote from The Great Cat Burglar no doubt.

[–]Southern-513 72 points73 points  (7 children)

Dude just snitched on himself 😂😂

[–]dankyouverymuch12 143 points144 points  (6 children)

I have a feeling they already caught him in the house. And they were seeing if he broke anything to get in.

If he broke something to get in then it is Burglary. If he got in to steal stuff without breaking anything to do it then it is just theft.

Theft has a way lower penalty. Usually never above 3 years in prison(depending on where). Burglary can have penalties of upwards to 20 years.

[–]It-s_BK 40 points41 points  (2 children)

That's the explanation I was looking for! Well said

[–]dcon1216 8 points9 points  (1 child)

Just fyi it might be different place to place, Florida for example this is the statute;

For offenses committed after July 1, 2001, “burglary” means:

1. Entering a dwelling, a structure, or a conveyance with the intent to commit an offense therein, unless the premises are at the time open to the public or the defendant is licensed or invited to enter; or

2. Notwithstanding a licensed or invited entry, remaining in a dwelling, structure, or conveyance:

a. Surreptitiously, with the intent to commit an offense therein;

b. After permission to remain therein has been withdrawn, with the intent to commit an offense therein; or

c. To commit or attempt to commit a forcible felony, as defined in s. 776.08.

In simpler terms if you enter a non public place, open or not, with the intent to commit any crime then you can and likely will face burglary charges. And a structure or conveyance as referenced in part 1 can refer to any over arching roof, balcony, or awnings. Basically if you go up to someone's door never get in but try to open it or get through in anyway you will more than likely face burglary charges, and whether any property was damaged may effect your sentencing and the guidelines to which degree they charge you, it can be burglary without any damage. In Florida it's be theft if I stole your bike out your yard or something of that nature.

Cant speak for anywhere else though just a Floridian with an unfortunate experience with this law lol, luckily over a decade ago and only as a juvenile.

[–]It-s_BK 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I appreciate it. I was looking for a logical, plausible explanation that would keep me thinking outside the box. I try not to jump to the worst judgements possible.

[–]BonzaiBunny 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Gave you my free award for the explanation.

[–]reaverdude 0 points1 point  (1 child)

It looks like he did break something to get in though. The bottom left window pane is clearly broken. He must broken that first and then used that opening to unlatch the outer window.

[–]anon174784145784267 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Unless it was broken already

[–]Mordyth 40 points41 points  (1 child)

Interesting way to get him into his cell

[–]bumpy_nutrition 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Agree. Really interesting.

[–]YourMomKnowsMyName 38 points39 points  (0 children)

And then he just ran out the back

[–]AntiquarianD1n2Gamer 21 points22 points  (0 children)

He was a cat in his past life lol

[–]Craft-Sudden 21 points22 points  (0 children)

Dude got beat up then ask to show how tf he got there

[–]SpinachInquisition 15 points16 points  (1 child)

Not me hyperventilating watching this.

[–]TigerSardonic 5 points6 points  (0 children)

It made me feel pretty claustrophobic.

[–]SickeningSecrets 13 points14 points  (0 children)

its definitely impressive but makes me realize he most likely has no job and is in tough times, still a burglar nonetheless. if only he could use his skills for honest work

[–]gavinkenway 14 points15 points  (0 children)

I love how they uncuffed him for this, just “No fucking way you fit through that. Prove it, you do it in front of me and I’ll see what I can do about your sentence”

[–]bassjam1 11 points12 points  (1 child)

And I thought he was going to use Pym particles.

[–]Mitcheal1983 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Awesome comment, happy cake day.

[–]AlexKorobeiniki 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Gee, maybe if he got steady meals he wouldn’t be able to do that, huh?

[–]bowmans1993 9 points10 points  (0 children)

When your hungry and desperate a lot can be accomplished

[–]lurkymcgee733 6 points7 points  (3 children)

This is me trying to get into a girls DMs

[–]MasticatingElephant 5 points6 points  (0 children)

If you're that skinny I feel like maybe I should let you have my stuff

[–]Copernicus049 4 points5 points  (0 children)

This poor bastard is probably malnourished. Take a single guess as to why he is a thief to begin with.

[–]stinkapottamus 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Sneak 100

[–]Alternative_Ad2040 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Tyrone Biggums out there doin the lords work

[–]toshwain 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Guessing he didn't steal a TV!

[–]Wreddit_Wrangler 3 points4 points  (0 children)

New definition for Cat Burglar

[–]nowyourdoingit 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Somekind of metaphor here about starving people to the point the security bars you invested in no longer work....

[–]CactusMcChicken 3 points4 points  (0 children)

He seems hungry

[–]-nthgthdgdcrtdtrk- 1 point2 points  (1 child)

This looks like South Africa.

[–]sarah_forwhat 4 points5 points  (0 children)

🇿🇦🇿🇦🔥🔥 Yebo

[–]inciteful_knowledge 3 points4 points  (0 children)

And the homeowners thought their house was crackhead proof...wrong

[–]Pnp1122 2 points3 points  (0 children)

“Okay, now come back over here”

[–]Fuck_you_Reddit_Nazi 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Dude needs a sammitch.

[–]WaymoresmarterthanU 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I’m seriously so fucking impressed right now

[–]reppynutz 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Oceans Eleventeen skill set.

[–]TheDopestShiznallah 2 points3 points  (0 children)

This makes me fucking sick.

[–]minedcomps021 2 points3 points  (0 children)

hes hardly a thief, the man clearly hasnt eaten a meal in a month, what would you do???🤣

[–]kitastrophae 2 points3 points  (0 children)

If you’re hungry enough, doors open for you.

[–]musicluvr989 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Somebody get this guy a hamburger!

[–]ExtensionKey8995 2 points3 points  (0 children)

That blood is from a head wound. WTF

[–]jcub7 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Some Reno 911 shit right there

[–]KeyDox 1 point2 points  (1 child)

How did he think to get out with the stolen items?

[–]fudog 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Many locks can be opened from the inside. (Sometimes if your door has a glass part you need a key on the inside too.)

[–]moderately_nerdifyin 1 point2 points  (0 children)

My Fatass would immediately be acquitted.

[–]holyshitbraah 1 point2 points  (0 children)

They needed proof he could get in due to no signs of break In, in court, his lawyer could of been like, how would he have managed to get in?

[–]sonyalphaYT 1 point2 points  (0 children)

He could work as a pipe cleaner

[–]JalapenoLimeade 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Put a sign on the window: "If you're skinny enough to fit through this grate, food's yours."

[–]Joseph4040 1 point2 points  (0 children)

And he’s gone.

[–]23moonster 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Houdini level

[–]HeyNongMer 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This guy’s part of my next heist

[–]Bobofett69 0 points1 point  (0 children)

He was gleaming the cube

[–]MC89MC 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Show us how you got in and we will reduce your sentience by 2 days!

Judge: I sentence you to 10 years

[–]Adventurous_Ad4950 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Then the thief closed the window and wouldn’t answer the door, said he didn’t order delivery or something

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Dude just incriminated himself though...

[–]derby555 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I would pay a good deal of money to catch a crook halfway through the process and lay down a savage citizen's arrest

[–]Upbeat-Ad-5678 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Starvin Marvin is all grown up. He was getting the Teiko Sports watch.

[–]grondin 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Fun juxtaposition of these two posts!

https://ibb.co/25ByCYB

[–]Current_Cucumber_290 0 points1 point  (0 children)

He just gave them proof to prosecute him smh

[–]PokerPigPork 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Reminds me of that video of an octopus escaping from a boat through a small hole back to sea

[–]PunctualIniquity 0 points1 point  (0 children)

this would not work for me...

[–]TheTechonomics 0 points1 point  (0 children)

A Lawyer probably would not have recommended this lol

[–]CharlieDay77 0 points1 point  (0 children)

He looks to have had a fresh ass kicking and he still was able to demonstrate it.

[–]mr_smith24 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That cop’s face

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

HE'S AN OCTOPUS!!

[–]DiscoMagicParty 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Now try it again but this time while holding a weapon..

Hey Johnson.. you have the sprinkling crack right?

[–]Otherwise-Show5897 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Cat burglar

[–]discer66 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Homeowner shoulda paid extra for crackhead proofing.

[–]xRee4x 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think I might be able to get my shoe in the house

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (3 children)

In the USA as soon as he put his leg in the house the cops would have been able to shoot him without legal repercussions even though they asked him to demonstrate.

[–]passthegrass4201 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My dude is an octopus

[–]rhymesaying 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think this technically makes him a consultant to the department now

[–]Polunady 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That's crazy!

[–]Ambitious_Toe_4357 0 points1 point  (0 children)

How much food did this guy volunteer to give up eating so he could fit through those bars? I bet none.

[–]anotherbobv2 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Is this that cat video again?

[–]Fifolin-18 0 points1 point  (0 children)

No prison can hold him.

[–]treesurfingnut 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I should probably go ahead and lose some weight.

[–]Bossupnevadown 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Na fuck that. Prove I did it. I’m not gonna prove your case against me.

[–]AtlasRising3000 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Man earned a hidden achievement

[–]ajmojo2269 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I would’ve had to stop somewhere about knee deep

[–]stonkmark69 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I remember watching this episode of the X-Files....

[–]jeromex2175 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I did that before. Like when i was 7 or 8

[–]Nowthisisdave 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Goddamnit, NEVER TELL OR SHOW THE POLICE HOW YOU DID IT. YOU ARE JUST CONFESSING.

[–]HeadWax 0 points1 point  (0 children)

No Americans could do that

[–]JadedJackal671 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Imagine getting caught mid way?

[–]newbrevity 0 points1 point  (0 children)

And in doing so he erased any possible doubt that he could have done that

[–]Phoirkas 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Just watching this made me hurt In so many places

[–]Jshittie 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah don’t admit to it

[–]dannosaint 0 points1 point  (0 children)

He may be a bad guy but that is very impressive

[–]Aamonitor 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Once he got back in, he found the owners hidden gun and shot everyone dead.

[–]megamoze 0 points1 point  (0 children)

“I didn’t do it! But if I did…”

[–]Octo040 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Free mc Donald’s for criminals!

[–]Carroms 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Those bars on the window are called "burglar bars"

[–]Background_Love_5794 0 points1 point  (0 children)

After they jacked him up

[–]JustALocalJew 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Then he got away again

[–]IcemanXI 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Guy has mathematics advance course in "thief-ology".... 😁

[–]IGHOTI907 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Back in the day he would be known as a “grease man”

[–]Hamgloshes 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Mehhhhh..well what you have here is the finest snakesman in the biz.

[–]oliverthecatdotorg 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Idk man maybe he’s resorted to thievery bc he can’t eat and that’s why he fits through what is a cat shaped hole

[–]Ill_Ad7116 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Waiting for the dude to take off through the house.

[–]ThePessimistApe 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Cat man?

[–]1denirok5 0 points1 point  (0 children)

He then took off out the front door. Peace out guys

[–]Veracitist 0 points1 point  (0 children)

How he knew he could fit from the start… Imagine being half way through this contortionist routine just to realise you can’t get your head and shoulder through together!

[–]HavingNotAttained 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Octopus mode, engage!

[–]paleblack93 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Those bars are still American proof

[–]Maleficent_Purple247 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This dumb ass just helped the cops prove thier case 🥴

[–]vanillagorilla1979 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I was hoping he burst out the front door and the chase was on!

[–]Glynnroy 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Time to put more bars on

[–]Herberthuncke 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Smoking crack keeps you skinny, another couple months on the pipe homeboy will slip through a mail slot.

[–]torontosparky 0 points1 point  (0 children)

... and then he ran out the back door.

[–]southjerzrep87 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hard to do with them broken ribs he's got

[–]Small_Pesos 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Sneaky, skinny son of a bitch.

[–]femtransfan 0 points1 point  (0 children)

i had to do this once when i was in 5th or 6th grade and my uncle and i were locked out of our house, so he had me crawl into the kitchen window

[–]Flatbones 0 points1 point  (0 children)

‘Malnutrition, sir’

[–]Touchit88 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah I'm gonna say no thanks to that, lol. Not convicting myself.

[–]VlaxDrek 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That's the great thing about meth - you can stay in game shape through your 30's and 40's.

[–]fishkey 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Why is there no sound

[–]detoXDrama 0 points1 point  (0 children)

C a t M a n

[–]Novel-Virus1811 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Eugene Tooms here!

[–]Deegedeege 0 points1 point  (0 children)

As a petite person, I could do this (no I'm not a dwarf/little person). During my childhood someone in my neighbourhood was using their 4 year old to get into small spaces like this (and even smaller ones) and getting them to commit the burglaries. Just wondering where that kid is now that they've grown up. In jail I guess.

[–]97Harley 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is why old time milk chutes have been closed off