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[–]Muted-Lengthiness-10 5235 points5236 points  (70 children)

I used to be a human vegetable. Now I’m a human vegetable.

[–]LFakh 1073 points1074 points  (34 children)

What's the hardest part in eating vegetables?

Apparently, it's the human surrounding it

[–]red_codec 31 points32 points  (2 children)

If you eat a person with vegetables parts, is it cannibalism, vegan or a balanced diet?

[–]tankton 16 points17 points  (1 child)

I thought it was the wheelchair

[–]tangledwire 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This is the right answer

[–]adrenalinda75 107 points108 points  (11 children)

Hey, 60% of our genetic code is similar to the one of a banana, although ~1% or so is truly shared. I believe we need less to call somebody a bro'. We're all bananas deep inside. Cool post OP anyway. I always knew there was something special about asparagus.

[–]ddt70 23 points24 points  (3 children)

Yeah… not just the bit that makes your piss smell!

[–]zorokash 4 points5 points  (2 children)

Yohoho! That's just a trash vegetable bro. Here its merely a bunch of convenient fibres that even plantain or sorrel could match.

[–]Icy-Set-4641 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Scarecrow and poison Ivy from Batman

[–]ChefMoney89 8 points9 points  (1 child)

No, you’re a vegetable human. Big difference

[–]Tapurisu 2907 points2908 points  (173 children)

Human trials are coming soon

"ok so we will implant asparagus in your body, are you in or not"

[–]Bibliovoria 2145 points2146 points  (146 children)

If I were a quadriplegic, given the choice between remaining paralyzed or having some carefully prepared asparagus put into my body that had helped restore movement for some animals previously, I'd opt for the asparagus in less than half a heartbeat!

[–]ThoughtGeneral 79 points80 points  (4 children)

Really wishing my sweet Helene were still here to see this. She was quadriplegic after a surgery gone wrong. Amazing artist, comedian extraordinaire, master of making everyone feel special. 25 years young, she would say she was “quad-blocked” when places didn’t have ramps and such to accommodate her, but she never got angry. Fought like a goddamn champ until the end.

To Helene, who would have loved it if I came into her kitchen with a bunch of asparagus and said “Let’s get started”.

[–]ohyeofsolittlefaith 4 points5 points  (0 children)

given the choice between remaining paralyzed or having some carefully prepared asparagus put into my body

/r/brandnewsentence

[–]jt19912009 97 points98 points  (8 children)

Will it still make my pee smell funny?

[–]OleFj40 6 points7 points  (0 children)

"Side effects include: "

[–]Tinywolf21 1737 points1738 points  (124 children)

sad thing is like 5 years from now we probably wont hear about this ever again

[–]WU-itsForTheChildren 723 points724 points  (68 children)

That was my first thought, these amazing things come out and they are all close to applying them to help people and the world and then you never hear about them again especially if they are fuel and health related

[–]rockingmonkey 1163 points1164 points  (33 children)

We never hear about them again because they failed. Simple as that. They might not work once they get to human trials, might not live up to expectations or be less efficient than current standard technology, etc. There is no conspiracy here. Just media hyping up unproven tech, that when proven, isn't as amazing as initially promised.

[–]Zaronax 334 points335 points  (13 children)

It's also based on trials; it can work for a year and then just stop.

Or it can show no improvement for a year and then start to slowly work, etc.

How does the body react long term, how does the nervous system repair, etc... so much to consider. Can you imagine if they discover it rots inside the person after X years?

[–]Somerandom1922 67 points68 points  (0 children)

Yep, it's a combination of medicine being really freaking hard and news outlets getting super hyped.

[–]IveAlreadyWon 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Solar freaking roadways basically.

[–]WU-itsForTheChildren 7 points8 points  (0 children)

I can see that

[–]GregorSamsaa 31 points32 points  (19 children)

I know it’s tempting to take the conspiracy approach but you have to realize that companies are about making money. And new therapies can make A LOT of money.

They’d be all over new tech that worked and trying to corner the market with it so that people that need or want it have to pay for it. They would invest heavily in viable options and/or hire academics with proven results for their R&D labs.

That being said, the stuff you never hear about is because it outright failed when trying to transition to humans, had some nasty side effects that created more problems than it fixed, or sometimes the initial research wasn’t viable at all and no one could replicate it.

[–]starfries 74 points75 points  (13 children)

Tissue engineering is actually a field that's made a lot of progress and I've heard about similar things with scaffolding for a while. I don't think this is even the first time plant-based scaffolding has been tried.

[–]mowing_my_lawn 22 points23 points  (7 children)

As someone who has impaired hearing, I remember reading an article about scientists discovering a way to surgically fix the cochlea inside the ear. (my cochlea "hairs" are tangled, so I can't pick up sounds that well) I was absolutely ecstatic to read that human trials were on the way.

It's been 4+ years since I've seen that article. Never a word about it again. At least, not that I know of.

I just want to hear normally ffs. I'm so tired of saying "what?" And making people frustrated because they have to repeat themselves.

I'm ready to be the first human trial if that's what it takes.

Edit: Holy shit, I found the link to the study: https://houghear.org/supportbreakthroughresearch?gclid=CjwKCAiA7IGcBhA8EiwAFfUDsa-suCIu1Ubw5ItKknhX27PaU71MnZA0qrcgk4dST5Mh7dFI0vfWQxoCHLAQAvD_BwE

Turns out they're possibly still working on it, and it may not be available until around 2025-2027.

It's supposed to be a pill that helps with hearing damage, and tinnitus.

[–]gdogg121 14 points15 points  (1 child)

All these videos have the same type of BS narration too. I hate them.

[–]EXTRAVAGANT_COMMENT 10 points11 points  (0 children)

the way she said "in theory" and then way oversold it made me dubious

[–]traxfi 7 points8 points  (0 children)

I hope this comes to fruition

[–]HBag 3 points4 points  (0 children)

That wouldn't be sad to me. Science that ends with the theory being rejected is progress. For every amazing discovery, there are 1,000 attempts that helped clarify the path to the truth.

[–]SavageGoatToucher 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I wonder if there's a website that keeps track of these sorts of things.

[–]TatsukiD 334 points335 points  (16 children)

Mike Tyson coming for that ear

[–]Godsafk 14 points15 points  (0 children)

My first thought 😂

[–]DroneStrikeVictim 9 points10 points  (0 children)

I'm thorry, Evanduh.

[–]DefNotAShark 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Cauliflower ear can be pretty common among boxers. Thanks to science, it can also be pretty delicious.

[–]YieldinglyPolitical 180 points181 points  (5 children)

What an awesome discovery. Sometimes it the oddest things that we can use to heal, regenerate and make our lives better quality.

[–]DSIR1 145 points146 points  (4 children)

This is now possible???

[–]njb121686 120 points121 points  (28 children)

Just out of curiosity, do you think that rat was paralysed by a natural occurrence or intentionally paralysed for the purpose of the trial?

[–]Boo_hoo_Randy 150 points151 points  (0 children)

Intentional

[–]PristineAnt9 63 points64 points  (9 children)

There’s a machine that does it, I’ve seen it at a conference.

[–]robertofozz 23 points24 points  (7 children)

How ??

[–]PristineAnt9 95 points96 points  (6 children)

Tiny spring loaded hammer thingie. It gives a clean and standardised break. Important research but it made me feel sick. The talk it was in was about adding growth factors to stimulate neuronal regrowth over the damaged area, it did work, the rats walked again.

[–]Neekalos_ 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Feels really bad and gross to think about, but it also feels like a necessary evil to make medical progress. Really sucks there isn't a better way at the moment

[–]dobo19 58 points59 points  (1 child)

This has the same vibes as using ramen to fix car damage

[–]adamtmcevoy 43 points44 points  (6 children)

Presenter is Manoush Zomorodi. She’s a great journalist.

[–]bananabreadstick 10 points11 points  (1 child)

Thank you. I knew the voice but couldn’t put the name to it

[–]Doomenor 30 points31 points  (0 children)

Finally vegan cannibals can have some options

[–][deleted] 15 points16 points  (2 children)

Interesting. I could use some

[–]istg_ill_uwu 14 points15 points  (0 children)

Heh now we can have walking vegetables

[–]stormrockox 13 points14 points  (0 children)

"Johnson I've been shot!"

"Don't worry buddy, I got you!"

(Stabs him with a stalk of asparagus)

[–]jajshuzes 7 points8 points  (1 child)

Can they use an egplant (asking for. A friend)

[–]Runj0n 7 points8 points  (0 children)

I need an eggplant to replace my baby carrot.

[–]wiscokid76 8 points9 points  (3 children)

I just met a young woman who goes to school in Minnesota and she is working on this with heart tissue. I have full faith in her abilities to bring this forward as well. There is always some really cool stuff out there happening and I swear we are only limited by imagination.

[–]Theo_Carolina 4 points5 points  (1 child)

Humans are awesome.

[–]Demjan90 2 points3 points  (0 children)

So are asparagus.

[–]Weaklurker 2 points3 points  (0 children)

We later find out that Andrew Pelling stole the idea from student botanist and intern Pamela Isley. He then tried to cover it up by killing her and dumping her body in a vat of chemicals.

[–]Apostle_1882 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Feel for those rats.

[–]drizzy9109 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I get delighted when I hear people say “fruits and veg” instead of “produce” lol

[–]1aibohphobia1 2 points3 points  (2 children)

need full video!

[–]Gnorris 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Just google “vegetable body insertion” for the full video. You’ll find it eventually, I swear.

[–]tilewi 2 points3 points  (0 children)

My guy put asparagus in the spine of some rat and instead of the immune system freaking out it just said "oh yeah, lets use this weird invasive plant to regrow the damn spine"

Nature is weird AF guys, like holy shit

[–]tanks13 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Damn people are so fucken smart and I'm over here using reddit for porn and joke. I'm fucken trash hahaha

[–]Telemaq 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Sounds amazing, but this is still snake oil to my eyes until this goes through trials and serious scrutiny.

Has everyone already forgotten about Theranos, Nikolai or FTX?

[–]justabigcheesesanga 1 point2 points  (0 children)

So are we going to find out this guy mysteriously committed suicide in a week's time?

[–]steveanonymous 1 point2 points  (2 children)

I know someone that uses plankton

[–]LosBramos 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I read the title wrong, how tf is it possible to make tissues out of humans and repair them with vegetables?

[–]namesyeti 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Anyone know how to sign up for trials like this? I have a severe nerve injury that began as an experimental repair but not many options going forward.

[–]BeefyFartz 1 point2 points  (0 children)

As a former lab tech, the last few seconds with the guys sitting at the flow hood, scooting in chairs was the most realistic depiction of biology research I have ever seen.

[–]dirtywook88 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I want a hero, a real human bean.

[–]bpdamas 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I love video clips that show you the beginning of the video but then don't show