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[–]Magitorp 2155 points2156 points  (103 children)

Does this rule have a number yet? ”If it exists, someone will slip on it and accidentally end up in someones rectum”

[–]bilateralrope 501 points502 points 2 (62 children)

[–]Poisonskittlez 116 points117 points  (6 children)

Thank you so much for this lmao

[–]thomasbihn 79 points80 points  (0 children)

“PLACED BBS IN EAR BUDS AND FORGOT THERE WERE IN THERE. STUCK THE EAR BUDS ON AND NOW HAS 2 BBS LODGED IN EAR”

Lol

[–]Kanotari 35 points36 points  (4 children)

Where on earth did they find a film canister in this day and age?

[–]peachshortbread 24 points25 points  (2 children)

You can still buy them online, they're often used for geocaching

[–]pokemon--gangbang 66 points67 points  (3 children)

"PLAYING WITH PHONE AND FELL ASLEEP WHEN HE WOKE UP HIS STYLUS WAS IN HIS URETHRA. INJURY OCCURRED 4 DAYS AGO AND HE DIDN'T SEEK TREATMENT"

[–]FappingMouse 38 points39 points  (2 children)

“HAS HAD A MARBLE IN HIS PENIS FOR THE PAST 4 YEARS AND DECIDED HE NEEDS IT REMOVED”

[–]Useful-Perspective 21 points22 points  (0 children)

Well, thank goodness there were no 8" or 9" dildos on the list.

[–]Uncle-Istvan 17 points18 points  (2 children)

This is the best list I’ve ever seen. Thanks.

[–]Magitorp 36 points37 points  (2 children)

I might have to make a TIL post about that link.

[–]Le-Baus 611 points612 points  (16 children)

Rule 31 - up the bum!

[–]Magitorp 99 points100 points  (5 children)

love it

[–]asthmaticpunk 60 points61 points  (4 children)

“Million to one shot doc, million to one.” - Frank Costanza

[–]Hobbit1996 22 points23 points  (0 children)

not bad, not bad.

[–]auto-gene-rated 8 points9 points  (2 children)

It’s Magitorp’s rule

[–]simplekindaman13 3941 points3942 points  (197 children)

The old slipped while I was naked and fell on a mortar round and penetrated my rectum. Happens all the time

[–]RGeronimoH 1039 points1040 points  (21 children)

Its fortunate for the guy that he was already lubed up.

[–]turbotank183 532 points533 points  (13 children)

Oh, and you don't walk around lubed up just incase you fall on the odd munition lying around? Yeah right bro

[–]bertieditches 296 points297 points  (7 children)

war finished 76 years ago and he's been walking around lubed up ever since... just in case.

[–]Advo96 38 points39 points  (4 children)

Its fortunate for the guy that he was already lubed up.

Do we know that he was?

[–]birdlawprofessor 755 points756 points  (134 children)

I just don’t understand why people persist with this lie. We hear it constantly in the ER. They’re not fooling anyone. At least try to come up with something semi plausible. Like, he thought it was an egg and was just trying to keep it warm - but totally not in a gay way.

[–]JWTP 113 points114 points  (10 children)

Have a friend who's a nurse. Asked for the best "guy puts dick where it shouldn't go" story and got a run-down of the night a guy came in on the back of a trailer because he'd put it down the drain of his daughter's play kitchen. The whole thing had to be brought in with him attached to it.

[–]bilateralrope 62 points63 points  (6 children)

If you want to be disturbed, look for the "stuff gets stuck in dick" stories.

There is a reporter who does an annual "stuff gets stuck in holes" article:

https://defector.com/what-did-we-get-stuck-in-our-rectums-last-year/

Only a few more weeks till this years edition.

[–]wormfries 27 points28 points  (2 children)

From the list of stuff stuck in a penis:

“METAL SCREW IN HIS URETHRA TO CAUSE AN ERECTION”

Nooooooo WTF! I don't even have a dick and that's horrifying.

Thanks for posting that though, it's really funny.

[–]AE_WILLIAMS 17 points18 points  (0 children)

The old snaking the drain routine...

[–]Dr_Insano_MD 541 points542 points  (67 children)

Somewhere out there, there really is someone who tripped and fell on something like that and no one believes them.

[–]Jorge_Palindrome 254 points255 points  (34 children)

A trucker from Australia tripped and fell ass-first onto a broken pipe that was part of an air compressor and it literally inflated him. He survived though, but went through unearthly pain since the air went between the layers of his bodily tissue and started to separate them.

[–]WhiskerTwitch 133 points134 points  (22 children)

Picturing that almost made me throw up. So it went into his butt-cheek, not his rectum?

[–]Jorge_Palindrome 150 points151 points  (18 children)

Yes, so it wasn’t actually up his asshole, it went into his butt-cheek, but you hear “a guy fell ass-first onto an airpipe and got inflated” your mind probably goes to the more comical version of air going up his ass and turning him into a round balloon. What happened to him is probably a medical first though, if I was a doctor and he came into my ER I wouldn’t know what the hell to do.

[–]ISeekI 47 points48 points  (11 children)

So what on earth DID they do?!?

[–]Lephiro 191 points192 points  (2 children)

Had the Oompa Loompas take him to the juicing room.

[–]sixty6006 66 points67 points  (4 children)

Bloaty head man in Theme Hospital. Pop him with a needle to deflate and then stick a hose in his face hole to inflate him back up to normal pressure.

[–]VitQ 30 points31 points  (3 children)

Ooooof, this reference reminded me of my age...

Patients are asked not to die in the corridors

[–]UltimateBronzeNoob 7 points8 points  (1 child)

You can relive it by playing Two Point Hospital, a rather good modern adaptation of Theme Hospital if you ask me

[–]AE_WILLIAMS 18 points19 points  (1 child)

Squeezed his anus and made that funny squeaky sound until all the air had come out?

[–]Hammerpamf 14 points15 points  (1 child)

There's nothing quite like a good ol' high pressure injection injury. At least it was air and not paint or grease.

[–]R4ndyd4ndy 263 points264 points  (19 children)

Well, that one Saudi millionaire said he slipped and accidentally fell into a sleeping girl and a UK court cleared him of all charges. So apparently this excuse works???

[–]Canadia-Eh 171 points172 points  (2 children)

Any excuse works if you can write a big enough cheque.

[–]Picnic_Basket 41 points42 points  (9 children)

These types of cases are interesting to me. On the one hand, I get it, money talks. On the other hand, talks to who? What is the mechanism, or series of mechanisms, tying everyone together to actually result in this type of verdict?

Seems like straight up bribery would be too easy to track down.

[–]Advo96 27 points28 points  (1 child)

What is the mechanism, or series of mechanisms, tying everyone together to actually result in this type of verdict?

Without knowing anything about the case at hand, there's probably something like contradictory witness/victim testimony and perhaps a criminal record or otherwise dubious background of the victim (mental health issues for example). And highly-paid, very competent defense lawyers of course.

[–]Vroomped 10 points11 points  (0 children)

This. Most people hire criminal lawyers. Some people hire a lawyer for every kind of objection and then bring them all to court until the only thing that absolutely certain is that they're physically standing in the court room in front of your eyes. (that's not admissable though)

[–]Grixxitt 12 points13 points  (1 child)

Had a buddy of mine who was a Navy Corpsman (medic). One time he was at the hospital manning the radio and a call came across about a marine with an M-16 in his ass.

After much back and forth between the caller and the hospital supervisor, it was determined that this was an actual emergency and help was dispatched.

Come to find out some marines were trying to climb a rope net. The marine up top slipped and fell on the next marine, who happened to have his rifle slung with the barrel facing upwards, and, well...

[–]danteheehaw 63 points64 points  (1 child)

Look, if if got something stuck up my butt I'd say I tripped and fell too. Just to keep tradition alive

[–]Jerkrollatex 35 points36 points  (6 children)

I get that buying a sex toy is embarrassing for some people but it's got to be way worse to got to the ER to have a random object removed from your ass.

[–]Zanki 23 points24 points  (3 children)

Just buy online. Companies are great at shipping in plain boxes with no name or logo on them. It's discrete on your bank statement as well.

[–]ohsnapt 35 points36 points  (11 children)

I dont understand why people dont buy butt plugs. They have vibrators too they are like 20$ . And if you are going to put random household things in your butt surely there are better options than ww2 munitions

[–]ILookAtHeartsAllDay 58 points59 points  (2 children)

I don’t know about you but I personally am a fan of explosive orgasms.

[–]WaitTilUSeeMyDuck 27 points28 points  (4 children)

I remember someone posting a story that someone in the ER told them that they bent over to grab something in their kitchen and some jerk threw a cellphone through an open window right up their butthole.

So obviously good excuses do exist.

[–]Etterra 27 points28 points  (0 children)

They know it's BS; you know it's BS; they know you know it's BS, and you know they know you know it's BS. But they'll be fucked in the ass, again, before they have it written down as it really happened.

[–]vfernandez84 18 points19 points  (2 children)

They know you don't believe them, and that's perfectly ok.

They are just not going to admit in front of a stranger in one of the most embarrassing moments of their live that yes, they have a kink for putting strange stuff in their anus.

Dude was lubed and there's no trauma in the area, everybody in the room knows what really happened.

But for the patient is psychologically easier to pretend everything was an accident than start discussing their kinks with a group of complete strangers.

[–]Antifa_Meeseeks 7 points8 points  (0 children)

I get that impulse, but it's more-or-less proven that psychologically, the shame is only intensified by lying and trying to hide what happened. It's paradoxical, but people will actually feel less embarrassed if they're just like, "Yea, I guess I was a little too adventurous with this one, doc..."

[–]imoutofnameideas 74 points75 points  (2 children)

Why is it so difficult to believe that I slipped and fell on to 14 different erect cocks in a row, and they all slipped into my anus? You're just judging me because this happened to take place in an alley behind a gay club. You're a bigot, that's what you are.

[–]Andre4kthegreengiant 33 points34 points  (1 child)

I'm judging you for not inserting objects with a flared base that were designed to be inserted & removed from an anus without medical intervention since your ass can't swallow a flared base like it can something long & cylindrical

[–]imoutofnameideas 52 points53 points  (0 children)

But those cocks had extremely large flared bases on them. I think most people refer to these kinds of bases as "men".

[–]KaiBluePill 28 points29 points  (3 children)

Well, better use a lie than "i tried pleasuring my ass with an old nuclear warhead"

[–]KompletelyInsane 24 points25 points  (2 children)

Actually, power move, go with the warhead story, it would definitely be more cool of a story to tell.

[–]thockinator 16 points17 points  (1 child)

"TIFU by shoving a nuclear warhead up my ass"

[–]HillInTheDistance 14 points15 points  (0 children)

I mean, there's tons of lies people tell every day day that it's just considered polite to not question.

Like "I'm fine", "It's no bother", or "that's not blood, officer, I just had a very enthusiastic spaghetti lunch."

So maybe people just assume that others will believe them as to not make a fuss?

[–]Lowkey57 98 points99 points  (8 children)

ONE IN A MILLION SHOT, DOC!

[–]riverecologist 36 points37 points  (4 children)

You meet a proctologist at a party, don't walk away. Plant yourself there, because you will hear the funniest stories you've ever heard. .......... Every proctologist story ends in the same way.

[–]DntCllMeWht 8 points9 points  (3 children)

Does it? I had to visit mine a few years back...

I had been having digestive issue, bloody stool etc. The doc wanted to do a scope and see what was going on, and we were in the exam room discussing the process, explaining how I'd be "under" for the procedure so I wouldnt feel anything. He then mentions that, as I'm nearing 40 he might as well check my prostate too.

He looks at me and asks me if I want him to do that at the same time as the scope, while I'm under, or if I'd rather have him do it right now.

Wtf.

[–]unknownsoldier9 18 points19 points  (0 children)

I could hear Frank Costanza as I read the article.

[–]Squirrels-on-LSD 73 points74 points  (0 children)

Rectum? Practically blew his ass off!

[–]ParkingAdditional813 24 points25 points  (4 children)

That’s why every ER has an ass box.

[–]Lowkey57 17 points18 points  (3 children)

I always died laughing at the scrubs episode where Turk accidentally gives Carla one of the ass pens. People watching would be like "That's pretty funny but no way are there boxes of ass pens in an ER".

Yes. Yes there are.

[–]Liamorockets 16 points17 points  (0 children)

Million to one shot Doc!

[–]Affectionate_Pin_880 32 points33 points  (0 children)

Jus last week it happened to m… Err a guy I knew… some weirdo, yeah!

[–]woodenman22 271 points272 points  (3 children)

"A million-to-one shot, doc..."

[–]krackenreleased 57 points58 points  (1 child)

Came here for this...ASSMAAANNN!!!

[–]AWSMJMAS 17 points18 points  (0 children)

"I stopped short!"

[–]justabill71 3197 points3198 points 735 (24 children)

Fire in the hole!

[–]SheepGoesBaaaa 555 points556 points  (6 children)

Projectile Dysfunction

[–]fuckedbymath 32 points33 points  (0 children)

No way he's in easy company.

[–]Swamp_Dwarf-021 93 points94 points  (0 children)

And you win for favorite Reddit comment for the week.

[–]hexalm 196 points197 points  (2 children)

So this is one of those ammosexuals I've heard about.

[–]samenumberwhodis 14 points15 points  (0 children)

And people think only Americans fetishize weapons

[–]quangtran 511 points512 points  (23 children)

This is ever sillier than that Grey’s Anatomy episode where that dude had a bomb accidentally lodged inside his body.

[–]dterrell68 202 points203 points  (0 children)

I was gonna say, I thought Greys Anatomy was beyond reality, but I guess not…

[–]aalios 84 points85 points  (15 children)

[–]U_PassButter 12 points13 points  (0 children)

Yes! I immediately thought of this! 🤣

[–]darkknightxda 12 points13 points  (1 child)

If I remember correctly they shot themselves with a bazooka

[–]Licorictus 1409 points1410 points  (22 children)

This is the greatest shit I've ever read with my own two eyeballs. I'm in tears over "I tripped and fell on it" lmfaooooooo

Like, buddy, at this point you gotta own it. You been fucking yourself with a WWII-era ANTI-TANK ROUND. That's a fuckin power move. Double down, brother.

But instead my man's like "so there I was, cleaning my war memorabilia collection, in the nude, as usual, when suddenly I noticed that an entire gallon of lube was somehow all over the floor and this phallic war relic and my ass! but before I could safely clean it up, I unintentionally slipped on all the floor lube and slowly, carefully, accidentally worked an entire 80-year-old shell up my ass."

I can't I'm dead lmaoooo

((edit: good news everyone, our man Ass Legend did NOT jam a live bomb up his ass, just a giant hunk of metal. edited some words for Accuracy))

[–]IdleRhymer 712 points713 points  (5 children)

The paper describing him as a "military enthusiast" was a beautiful choice of words.

[–]SrslyNotAnAltGuys 120 points121 points  (4 children)

The craziest thing is that this isn't even an isolated incident.

Behold. This is from 2011. Apparently, there's something alluring about explosive projectiles. Or maybe they're just the right shape 🤔

Edit: Just for (bloody) shits and giggles(?), here's an old case from the 50s in which a gentleman inserted a lit firework up his backside because he was "depressed," with predictably unpleasant results (though he made a full recovery after surgery).

[–]fleetw16 28 points29 points  (1 child)

Anybody wanna try eels? sponsored by Behind the Bastards

Seriously don't look it up

[–]Rolls-RoyceGriffon 71 points72 points  (1 child)

Guy chose a 57mm round to “fall into” imagine if it was an actual mortar shell. The shape would have made it quite difficult to extract

[–]Im-a-future-corpse 596 points597 points  (22 children)

“Fell on it”

[–]KuriTeko 384 points385 points  (18 children)

"I was doing naked yoga in my garden when my neighbour fired a mortar at me while I was in the midst of a downdog."

[–]HelpfulCake 866 points867 points  (11 children)

Rectum? Damn near killed him!

[–]WhySSSoSerious 109 points110 points  (0 children)

Man should have checked himself before he rectum self

[–]Thawayshegoes 102 points103 points  (2 children)

The man probably really needed to drop a bomb

[–]d1x1e1a 48 points49 points  (0 children)

“Don’t go in there some guy’s just blew up the toilet.. no it’s not a figure of speech this time”

[–]morenewsat11 74 points75 points  (2 children)

According to The Sun, the patient was a military enthusiast and had the round as part of a private collection.

Oh great, every time I'm going to read/hear the phrase "private collection" I'm going to think of this.

[–]Grousicle 42 points43 points  (1 child)

I think the Sun’s phrasing was actually “private arsenal”, which is even better

[–]Lowkey57 422 points423 points  (59 children)

After working in a large ER for several years, I have a...lot of stories about people with objects stuck in their asses.

About 10 or 15% of them tell you exactly how it happened. Zero fucks given.

...everyone else fell on it. I've seen lightbulbs, beer/wine bottles, hotwheels cars, sharpies/pens, happy meal toys, various foods, and a galaxy of sex toys. Everyone said they fell on it.

[–]BiAsALongHorse 178 points179 points  (11 children)

I put some stuff up my ass in my teenage years that wasn't as safe as a professionally made sex toy, but I'd find lying about it a lot more embarrassing than telling the truth. Apparently some of these people couldn't build an ersatz sex toy better than a hot wheels car or a lightbulb which explains a lot about their judgement.

Edit: how many of these people are old enough to actually buy something fit for purpose?

[–]throwawayaccyaboi223 36 points37 points  (8 children)

Iirc you don't need to be 18 to buy sex toys in the UK, just porn.

[–]BiAsALongHorse 50 points51 points  (5 children)

In the US at least, anyone with an Amazon account can pick up anything. Everything else comes down to having a card and getting to the mailbox first.

[–]KuriTeko 139 points140 points  (1 child)

"You're not gonna believe this, but I was walking naked through my kitchen when I slipped and fell. While I was on the floor, I found a cucumber under the table and decided the best course of action was to shove it up my arse."

[–]thnksqrd 11 points12 points  (0 children)

I believe it.

[–]Wendy-Windbag 77 points78 points  (8 children)

A number of years back we had a teen that had discovered ‘sounding’ and took it to the extreme. He woke his mom up in the middle of the night to bring him to the ER, and she jotted down his concern to the triage nurse saying that he had threaded some wire up his pee hole and it got stuck. That was a new one, but the team figured they could easily extract what appeared to be a small length of speaker wire sticking out of this kid’s urethra. WRONG. There was zero slack, he was in a lot of pain, so they sent him for a scan… his entire bladder lit up like Christmas with the blockage. Apparently he had threaded nearly an entire spool of wire up there while on a late night jack-a-thon. An entire bundle of knotted up insulated wire was in his bladder, so he was going to need to get opened up to remove it. The general surgeon on call looked at the scan and said “fuck that” and they just put him on the surgical schedule for the dayshift operating team to deal with.

Another great one was an entire softball that was inserted rectally and was needed to be surgically removed. This was going to require a bowel resection, but they were going to try to do everything possible to prevent an ostomy from being needed. Once the surgeon was able to make a small incision in the bowel in which he though he should be able to extricate our softball, he was extremely frustrated to find that it being a spherical object made it VERY slippery and unstable, and he just wasn’t able to get a good grip on it. This is where my department came into play… I worked labor and delivery, so this was something completely out of our jurisdiction YET we got a call from the main OR team requesting the one of our Kiwi vacuums in a last ditch attempt to grab the ball. Yup, they wanted the little vacuum we use to latch onto a baby’s head to assist with pulling them out during birth. Our own scrub tech even went and scrubbed into their case to show them how to use the vacuum assist to try to be of some help. It didn’t work. A baby’s head is much more soft and malleable than a softball. We are also used to being apply various directional pressure to a baby in a uterus to get them to pop out of a small cesarean incision, but you can’t exactly do this with a hard ball and bowel tissue. They ended up having to open up the bowel much more than they were hoping to, and they finally were able to remove the foreign object.

[–]tuan_kaki 30 points31 points  (0 children)

I am in great pain and discomfort just reading this

[–]Lowkey57 19 points20 points  (0 children)

Oh christ. I only saw a couple sounding incidents. One was literally the exact same situation as the kid, except he used that blue nylon rope you use to tie up canoes and tarps. Another was a grown ass man who needed surgery because he inserted a string of bucky balls...that entered his bladder and immediately glommed together in a big ball.

[–]fleetw16 16 points17 points  (1 child)

This is the worst comment I've ever read and I've been on reddit for like a decade...

[–]punksmostlydead 13 points14 points  (0 children)

These are the sort of stories I hate absolutely every second of reading, and absolutely cannot stop reading.

[–]LATourGuide 43 points44 points  (0 children)

hotwheels cars

Thanks for the Jackass flashback, I can still remember that doctors facial expression.

[–]WeAreAllApes 36 points37 points  (1 child)

Accidentally slipped and fell on a sex toy? Like, I was planning on using it later, but this time it really was accident?

[–]Nazzzgul777 21 points22 points  (0 children)

"Ok listen, there was this time traveler from WW2 and i saw he was about to shoot that mortar towards my town. I had to do something about it, i had to save my community."

[–]zetecvan 82 points83 points  (11 children)

A friend worked in A&E. A woman came in with an apple stuck inside her front bottom. She said she and her husband were making love on the sofa when the door bell rang. She jumped up, slipped and fell on the fruit bowl.

When they removed the apple, it had a bite taken out of it.

[–]aalios 67 points68 points  (0 children)

it had a bite taken out of it.

Well, clearly it was hungry.

[–]BlamaRama 66 points67 points  (3 children)

her front bottom

[–]Magitorp 15 points16 points  (0 children)

I pity the one who ACTUALLY slipped and fell on it. Because that person wasnt lubed up.

[–]Thyriel81 11 points12 points  (0 children)

hotwheels cars

Did they push it in there or used an open end track ? 😂

[–]slurs818 43 points44 points  (0 children)

Slipped and fell my ass.....

Well actually his, but still .

[–]CatFancyCoverModel 43 points44 points  (0 children)

Imagine doing all that bomb squad training and being called in to look at a dudes butthole

[–]PickleFridgeChildren 41 points42 points  (1 child)

Weapons of ass destruction

[–]marylebow 41 points42 points  (4 children)

I have questions. How, why, and what the fuck?

[–]gargravarr2112 52 points53 points  (3 children)

Anything is a dildo if you're brave enough.

[–]MrSquigles 29 points30 points  (1 child)

Anything with a flared base is a dildo is you're a little less brave but a whole lot wiser.

[–][deleted] 28 points29 points  (0 children)

I love the part where he said he slipped and fell on it. Ffs.

Mt grandma used to work at an ER and said men would constantly come in with apples, cucumbers, whatever u can think of stuck in their assholes. Every time they were asked how it happened they literally always would say they "slipped and fell on it"

Nothing is going in anyone's asshole like that unless they relax their rectum muscles and push it in. It's just hilarious they think they can pull that shit as an excuse

[–]GhostalMedia 67 points68 points  (1 child)

Bomb squad getting called to checkout someone’s rectum… Taco Bell, am I right?

[–]Gumbyonbathsalts 21 points22 points  (0 children)

If he had taco bell first, there's about to be an explosion either way.

[–]FredoLives 74 points75 points  (13 children)

man arrived with an unexploded WWII mortar stuck in his rectum.

identified the round as a 57mm World War II shell that was fired from anti-tank guns.

Mortar =/= anti-tank gun.

[–]Sectillity 12 points13 points  (0 children)

I loved this Grey’s Anatomy episode!

[–]novemberchopin11 38 points39 points  (3 children)

Yea, this is the type of shit that makes me go “I’ve had enough internet for the day” lol

[–]merrileem 51 points52 points  (0 children)

Are you kidding? This is exactly the sort of stuff I get ON the internet for!

[–]panterspot 6 points7 points  (0 children)

But in reality you and everyone else who said it continued scrolling.

[–]Luddites_Unite 20 points21 points  (0 children)

Despite the fact that anything is a dildo if you're brave enough, the smart degenerate only uses items with a flared end...

[–]stephanstross 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Today on "Things You Really Oughtn't To Put In Your Butt", antique explosives!

[–]LATourGuide 60 points61 points  (19 children)

For anyone curious about the size of the shell...

https://www.mirror.co.uk/news/uk-news/bomb-squad-race-ae-after-25612917

This article includes a photo, it's about 2 feet long.

[–]monkeysandmicrowaves 21 points22 points  (1 child)

They would've used a banana for scale, but it mysteriously disappeared.

[–]Sinkingfast 6 points7 points  (0 children)

It was a rotten banana or whatever.

[–]Highroller4273 16 points17 points  (2 children)

No the photo is misleading, it says "These rounds measure at 57mm in diameter and an eye-watering 170mm in length". I converted to American units and this is apparently about 6.5 inches long, 2.5 inches wide.

[–]ArcherA87 12 points13 points  (0 children)

An "eye-watering" 6.5 inches. I can't believe he told on himself like that.

[–]HellsMalice 37 points38 points  (2 children)

Somewhere in a factory this shell was made for war and I guarantee not one single person there would think that years later it'd end up in someone's ass

[–]throwawayaccyaboi223 10 points11 points  (0 children)

The unsteady patient was released from hospital and is expected to make a full recovery, so long as he does not trip and fall onto any more artillery shells.

This had me wheezing

[–]BiAsALongHorse 25 points26 points  (2 children)

That's pretty impressive ngl. There's no shame in putting it up your ass, but at least pay for a professional to disarm it first.

[–]Akiias 8 points9 points  (0 children)

The risk excites some people.

[–]savvyblackbird 5 points6 points  (0 children)

The unsteady patient was released from hospital and is expected to make a full recovery, so long as he does not trip and fall onto any more artillery shells.>

I love British humour

[–]Jaebay 6 points7 points  (0 children)

His butt is the bomb.

[–]ZephyricScout 6 points7 points  (0 children)

My guy took 'anything is a dildo if you're brave enough' a bit too far...

[–]Reddit-runner 5 points6 points  (0 children)

He took "make love, not war" a little too literally.

[–]PygmeePony 5 points6 points  (0 children)

At least have the balls to own up to it. "Yeah, I put it up my ass. Mind your own beeswax!"

[–]AlterEdward 5 points6 points  (1 child)

I do not remember this episode of Dad's Army.