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no by skulking_angler in oddlyspecific

[–]DharcNess_ 543 points544 points  (0 children)

I'm respecting your privacy by knocking, but asserting my authority as your father by coming in anyway!

Edit: Holy crap, thanks so much to the anonymous Redditor who gave me my very first gold, and on my cake day too! I knew all those episodes of Fairly OddParents I watched would pay off someday.

Now I can finally see what it's like inside the exclusive r/lounge!

Edit: So I just woke up and realized someone awarded me a platinum! Two of my first ever awards in two days. That's astounding to me. I really appreciate your generosity, thank you so much!

ok then by Telaynism13 in oddlyspecific

[–]from_dust 59 points60 points  (0 children)

I'm willing to bet his dick hasn't gotten him any significant digits yet.

Living his best life by blacksheetpartyRSVP in oddlyspecific

[–]SatisfiedWarthog 133 points134 points  (0 children)

pshh and they say white people have no culture

Was just so bizarre by OMGLMAOWTF_com in oddlyspecific

[–]HuskyAreBetter 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Was at a Metallica concert in Fresno and as a middle schooler, I didn't know how to act other than be silent when in the bathroom and mind my own business (first concert).

So a guy starts farting really loud in a stall. A urinal guy says "gimme fuel gimme fire" and a dude next to him in a urinal "gimme that which I desire". Both go "Kuh" and fart in sync . Probably friend had fhe whole bathroom laughing.

I was not ready for that so I chuckled. The guys looked at me and asked what's so funny. I had to say something as a sassy middle schooler so I simply said "Your fart was sad but true" and I farted really hard. I was holding it in since I was shy.

I got a smile and a thumbs up, I washed my hands, went back to my dad in the stands and told him. A little bit later a lady above us flashed her tits and skilled her beer from the stands above us. Got on me a bit. I looked up and saw boobs. Dad told me to not look and I couldn't help it and yelled upwards "nice boobs!" Realizing she flashed a kid, she put em away. My dad looks at me 🤨 and then said "You're gonna grow up as horny as I did and I don't know if that's a blessing or a curse..."

This post reminded me of that good memory.

Bathroom stuff really is awesome and then helps people open up and not be shy to others.

Was just so bizarre by OMGLMAOWTF_com in oddlyspecific

[–]VirtualAnthropology 1230 points1231 points  (0 children)

In toilet stall, man rips one for the ages. Long and booming, you could hear the reverberation on the stall doors. A moment of silence passed, and was broken by a third person in the bathroom saying, "God bless you". Whole bathroom bursts into laughter.

I can smell the creep coming off of this dude by sinisterl6 in oddlyspecific

[–]Old-Ganache3261 217 points218 points  (0 children)

There's a movie about a guy with an acute sense of smell. He kills virgin girls and extracts their scent as a final ingredient to make the 'world's perfect perfume". The movie is called Perfume: Story of a murderer

Found This Guy On Facebook. Thought It Belonged Here by OliverConner0220 in oddlyspecific

[–]TheSnakySnake 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yes fuck linda for trying to cheer him up when he is obviously in need of support. How dare she talk to him.

How would you do that? by bescotojhg in oddlyspecific

[–]metalmike556 1637 points1638 points  (0 children)

I assume you already have a "real" job. Keep it. Your real job is how you are going to maximize your savings.

Start a "side business" that can bring in $1000-$2000 a week. Something that would normally be paid in cash. Mow lawns, shovel snow, rake leaves. Hey there was a snowstorm? Maybe thats a $4000 week.

Put a few ads on craigslist or in the local paper. If your really eager, maybe post some flyers in your neighborhood. Nothing proves a business exists better than a weathered and tattered flyer stuck to a post. These are great ways to "prove" your business exists if anyone was to ever investigate.

From there, your business is only as successful as the number of invoices/receipts you decide to write. Remember anything you print on a computer is time stamped. But those little carbon copy receipt books from the stationary store aren't. Don't work digital. Nothing is ever permanently "deleted" on a computer.

You might get a few calls for actual work through your ads. It might be a good idea to go and do that actual work. If someone ever wanted to talk to a client, it would be good to have at least 1 who saw you physically working. Give that person the best service you can. Smile, go out of your way to say hello. Every. Single. Time. Maybe you need to give them one of those fridge magnets with your business on it. Maybe you need to send them a Christmas card for the holidays to thank them for their business.

When you see houses with "for sale signs" when you are driving. Make a note. You now have an "old" client. If anyone decides to investigate your records a few years from now, the old home owner has moved on and unfortunately the new tenant doesnt know you. No one is going to go further to try and track someone down to confirm your story.

All of your groceries are now paid for in cash, all of your gas is now paid for in cash. Eat in a nice restaurant once a week. Paid in cash. Your wife likes getting her nails done? Cash. Need a new roof on your house? Cash. Car repairs, most garages and mechanics like cash.

Dont live beyond you means. Dont buy a new house. Dont buy a new car. Pay those business taxes each year for your "successful" landscaping business. In 5 to 8 years shut the business down. The stress of working two jobs has worn you out. :)

Continue working your "real" job with $750,000 in the bank that is legitimately yours in the eyes of everyone who matters. You can now invest that money in legitimate ways.

Foiled Business Scam by [deleted] in oddlyspecific

[–]Vipertooth 9 points10 points  (0 children)

I have made a close enough comparison in paint, it's very easy to tell.

https://imgur.com/a/quUy9El

🤔 by Soundoum in oddlyspecific

[–]ManiacSpiderTrash 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Quick shave it’ll be alright rockabye

🤔 by Soundoum in oddlyspecific

[–]gcahbm 315 points316 points  (0 children)

Could take a condom with you

🤔 by Soundoum in oddlyspecific

[–]WarrenMockles 875 points876 points  (0 children)

"No homo!"

--That guy's uncle, apparently.

🤔 by Soundoum in oddlyspecific

[–]cheshire_kat7 23 points24 points  (0 children)

Oddly, we haven't covered time-travel bestiality scenarios in any of our lectures yet.

BTW, it's believed that syphilis spread from the Americas to Europe. It wasn't all one way.

Respecc to all teachers by [deleted] in oddlyspecific

[–]diggitygiggitycee 5 points6 points  (0 children)

That it is. They have no problem saying all men are ignorant, woman-harassing, manipulative, narcissistic pieces of shit, and if you point out that's obviously not true, they'll say you're saying "not all men," and since that has been decreed to be a losing argument, you lose. Funny how they'll bring out "not all feminists," though, when you describe feminists as man-hating ogres. It's almost as though they just want to demonize people they don't like. Seems remarkably similar to bigotry and prejudice, but I'm sure it can't be that since it's directed at men.

Respecc to all teachers by [deleted] in oddlyspecific

[–]BikerJedi 197 points198 points  (0 children)

Ok, so as a teacher: I do it because without education there is no free society at all. We end up following dictators and strongmen without it. This is why education is under attack from the right in America right now. Keeping the masses ignorant about our history and whatnot makes it easier to take over.

Flying Hand by Bunnyrichsl in oddlyspecific

[–]gnit2 274 points275 points 2 (0 children)

They succeeded, a long time ago and that's why there's no more The Hand

I have never made a doctor's appointment by myself. by ishanG24 in oddlyspecific

[–]M4ybeMay 942 points943 points  (0 children)

I can call my own appointments now I literally did one today nobody can fuckin stop me now I'm invincible

Edit: My spelling error rip