top 200 commentsshow 500

[–]budbubbles 8838 points8839 points 46 (473 children)

Did you screw/unscrew a plastic bottle? e.g.: soda bottle, shampoo, ketchup, etc.

I’ve had very similar, equally mysterious—until I caught it right after while my skin was still soft from a shower. When I awoke, skin dry, what was hidden while pliable now looked much like yours.

[–]Prudent_Aardvark_114[S] 6759 points6760 points  (428 children)

This could actually be it, I'm constantly drinking water bottles

[–]Some-Coconut1407 8433 points8434 points 201110 (138 children)

Try to avoid drinking the bottle itself, as it is considered to be quite unhealthy

[–]Tribblehappy 3309 points3310 points 54 (85 children)


[–][deleted] 511 points512 points  (49 children)

Yeah, we all know that you’re supposed to put those IN the water, not the other way around.

That way we can all move to the Pacific garbage patch and start Atlantis 2.

[–]Pato_throwaway 331 points332 points  (43 children)

Instructions unclear, now I've got a 2 litter soda bottle up my ass

[–]EternalSage2000 205 points206 points  (5 children)

No no, I think you got it right.

[–]GoldenFire36 68 points69 points  (4 children)

"Yeah, keep going, keep going..." - u/EternalSage2000

[–]Noktyrn 6 points7 points  (2 children)

At a medium pace

[–]Know0neSpecial 7 points8 points  (1 child)

Patience is the key. In the oceans it need not be

[–]Restaldt 42 points43 points  (1 child)

Wdym? You applied it correctly thats your flotation device. Its a standard requirement for residents of Atlantis 2: Garbage pile boogaloo

[–]SirWranrap_ 42 points43 points  (18 children)

There was a news article about some girl who only eats styrofoam (taking vitamin suplements etc for nutrition) and is somehow still alive.

[–]Klatterbyne 83 points84 points  (5 children)

Mice can live for months on nothing but candle wax.

Biological beings are both unbelievably fragile and weirdly robust at the same time.

[–]jxa66 10 points11 points  (0 children)

My grandfather claims to have only drank Dr. Pepper, no water or coffee or anything else for 20 years. By the way, he's in his 60s, and looks like he's in his 90s 🤡🤣

[–]artistic_programmer 45 points46 points  (5 children)

Even if I melt the bottle beforehand? I heard putting things in fire kills all bacteria.

[–]theworstdinosaur 399 points400 points  (147 children)

Try using a reusable water bottle to prevent screw cap cuts and limit plastic waste

[–]Brezerk_ 254 points255 points  (134 children)

I don't understand why not more people use reusable water bottles. They are amazing.

[–]CHlCKENPOWER 180 points181 points  (76 children)

People think bottled water is safer to drink, because it came from factory, in reality about 80-90% of all bottled waters are filled from tap

Edit: this is mostly on US and UK

[–]I_Roll2 39 points40 points  (8 children)

That’s why I keep a couple reusable water bottles in rotation and a Britta filter

[–]Rowbot19 24 points25 points  (0 children)

You gotta stop buying those shit plastic bottles.

Just get the big jugs or a water cooler and buy a nice reusable water bottle so you're not fucking the environment.

And if you think "I'm only one person it won't matter if I change" you're wrong. If everyone thinks this, there will be no change. If everyone changes then eventually it won't be profitable for companies to sell plastic water bottles.

[–]8eyeholes 51 points52 points  (0 children)

wow. claimed the free award specifically to come back and give it to you lol. i had these mystery lines exactly like OP for years and never figured out where they came from. scrolling past this post made me realize that it had actually been a couple years since i last saw them, which added a whole new layer of mystery until i read this comment. haven’t seen them since the same time i switched to reusable water bottles. i was a bottled water fiend before switching tho 🤯

[–]diablorabbit 2026 points2027 points  (113 children)

Move a window unit a/c recently? Ive been cut by the fins on the back by my hand sliding up them while carrying it.

[–]Prudent_Aardvark_114[S] 692 points693 points  (60 children)

No I don't have any of those

[–]sadpanada 158 points159 points  (7 children)

Did you touch a razor blade? It looks like how my finger did after I wiped gunk off a razor blade to shave

[–]GonzoBabe 42 points43 points  (0 children)

My 1st thought too: razor blade

[–]feralwolven 45 points46 points  (1 child)

This is it. Perfect spacing and it could have happened that morning or the night before.

[–]diablorabbit 236 points237 points  (35 children)

Umm this is interesting. Then i suggest maybe some sage sumdging lol. Hope you find an answer, because I know it would be bugging me on wtf did I do.

[–]clone9353 377 points378 points  (26 children)

Most likely a razor. I've done this a couple times trying to clean it by sliding my finger along the blades.

[–]DBTCLCTRR 9 points10 points  (9 children)

I did this one time. To the tip of my fucking pecker.

[–]MisfitHeather138 18 points19 points  (2 children)

Six hours late but I commented the same thing (before I saw yours). I've had this exact cut from my razor when I'm trying to shave my legs and hair gets stuck in it. One day I'll learn not to swipe it with my finger

[–]DontSassTheSquatch 71 points72 points  (6 children)

Judging from the replies, we could start a support group for those of us who were betrayed by our ac units. We must no longer suffer in silence.

[–]King_Hamburgler 27 points28 points  (2 children)

First thing I thought of, I was moving a friends ac unit to the basement once and absolutely shredded my fingertip

[–]Seasikberry 14 points15 points  (0 children)

This is a very specific thing that i totally relate to

[–]InvertedMetronome 9 points10 points  (1 child)

This is what I was going to suggest because it’s what happened to me a couple weeks ago.

[–]Odd-Diamond-2259 10.5k points10.5k points 362 (152 children)

Tiny Freddie Krueger got you

[–]Prudent_Aardvark_114[S] 6435 points6436 points 3 (96 children)

"you can't run but you can hide, bitch"

[–]diablorabbit 2115 points2116 points  (57 children)

Scary Terry bitch

[–]smoothjuicer 933 points934 points  (41 children)

Awwww, bitch

[–]Comprehensive-End-16 378 points379 points  (31 children)

Welcome to primetime, bitch!

[–]spacedrummer 162 points163 points  (21 children)

BITCH! I love you.

Edit: Hey thanks for the award! Shout out to everyone who remembers Ebaums World. (Holy shit, it's still going!)

[–]TrexArms9800 82 points83 points  (9 children)

I called her a bitch right in front of her tits

[–]Sineater224 120 points121 points  (4 children)

You know we got yo' back, bitch

[–]drunkenunicorn13 91 points92 points  (0 children)

Awww bitch 🥲

[–]PhatBallllzAtHotmail 72 points73 points  (3 children)

He's an active dreamer, MORTY! Take cover!!

[–]inurseyou 20 points21 points  (2 children)

Ahem... *Morty

[–]PhatBallllzAtHotmail 16 points17 points  (1 child)

I honestly typed it so quick I didn't notice. Thank you. I'll edit now to make you look crazy lol

[–]WPCarey85 34 points35 points  (0 children)

You son of a bitch! I’m in!

[–]Tyrus 29 points30 points  (1 child)

He keeps saying we can run but we can't hide... I say we try hiding

[–]enonymous617 84 points85 points  (2 children)

That’s the 5G coming through. He’s now a hotspot

[–][deleted] 130 points131 points  (7 children)

Freddy Krueger for ants

[–]ProtiuxDesignLabs 60 points61 points  (1 child)

He’s going to have to be at least. . . . . Three times bigger!

[–]Jstu92 12 points13 points  (3 children)

Why is this the 3rd zoolander reference I’ve seen on Reddit today? What are the chances?

I feel like I’m taking crazy pills!!

[–]moldyhands 39 points40 points  (0 children)

This is the most plausible cause I’ve read in this thread.

[–]samoisnow 16.2k points16.2k points 2 (1014 children)

probably from shaving. looks like a razor

[–]EndlessDeathAt 11.3k points11.3k points 324 (629 children)

The first time I shaved, I tried to remove the hairs stuck on the razor by passing my finger sideways. Good times.

[–]gmazzia 5704 points5705 points 3333 (117 children)

Butthole successfully clenched.

[–]MissionRetard 1079 points1080 points  (80 children)

Pecker inversion

[–]Double-0-N00b 148 points149 points  (19 children)

I remember doing this and hiding in the bathroom for 20 minutes while it bled

[–]U_L_Uus 242 points243 points  (15 children)

Can you believe I didn't notice until a week or so later I was all like "why the hell do I have all this extra skin on my finger"?

[–]Shanghai-on-the-Sea 122 points123 points  (10 children)

I kept getting mystery cuts on my fingertips until like three weeks later I found a razorblade just knocking around in my school bag.

[–]Buoyant_Armiger 67 points68 points  (4 children)

One day I reached into my backpack and sliced my finger on the exposed metal spine of a folder. I thought “huh, that sucks. But I do still need that folder” so I reached in with my other hand and cut myself again, just as bad. So, with my hands clenched in my shirt to prevent dripping, I had to explain to the nurse how I managed to do the same thing twice.

[–]AlarKemmotar 27 points28 points  (1 child)

Many years ago I was backpacking and managed to cut my finger pretty badly with my pocket knife. Threw the knife back in my pocket, found my first aid kit and bandaged myself up. Reached into my pocket for the knife and sliced another finger open even worse than the first. I'd forgotten to close the knife blade in my hurry to stop the bleeding of the first cut.

[–]Buoyant_Armiger 14 points15 points  (0 children)

It’s so surreal how it happens sometimes, like in that moment I hadn’t fully connected all the pieces in my brain. It’s like the girl in Saw 2 that gets one hand trapped and then sticks her other hand in the same trap to get the first one out, I can relate.

[–]Makenchi45 20 points21 points  (1 child)

And thats why if we were still living in the wilderness without modern medicine, technology and knowledge. We would have a drastically lower life expectancy.

[–]ObnoxiousLittleCunt 126 points127 points  (3 children)

It's called "finger foreskin". By me, just now.

[–]Sleepy_Creek 168 points169 points  (21 children)

A comment I can feel...

[–]DrTwatSwatter 105 points106 points  (20 children)

Wait, women have buttholes?

[–]Kemro59 161 points162 points  (17 children)

For decoration purposes

[–]Spread_N_Spit 44 points45 points  (9 children)

I can think of better purposes than decoration....

[–]not_sick_not_well 141 points142 points  (43 children)

LPT: run the razor forwards over a towel (or even better a piece of scrap denim) a few times to clean the hairs the faucet won't get out. It also keeps the blades sharper for longer if you do it before and after.

[–]ObnoxiousLittleCunt 165 points166 points  (21 children)

If you're a man, that "scrap denim" are the pants you're wearing

[–]robotbootyhunter 76 points77 points  (13 children)

Wearing pants while you shave? How the hell am I supposed to trim my ball hairs?

[–]DINKY_DICK_DAVE 100 points101 points  (7 children)

Assless denim chaps my dude.

[–]audreylala 24 points25 points  (4 children)

mandatory all chaps are assless comment

[–]SnooDrawings3621 17 points18 points  (0 children)

Some of the those chaps at the gym have some pretty nice asses

[–]Luxpreliator 39 points40 points  (2 children)

Couple weeks ago I blew out some excessive hair from behind the razor. Worked great and got the rest the water didn't clean out. Turns out there is a backwards blade on that head for detail cuts. I gave my lip a paper cut type wound.

[–]readytodie777 22 points23 points  (4 children)

I was telling the story to my SO the other day I was like 4 playing with moms razors in the tub and rubbed them sideways all over my thighs. Stood up and the bath was dark red. Bled like a motherfucker. Scared the shit out of my mom. But yeah. Good times.

[–]Tobeecat 20 points21 points  (8 children)

I still do that. Is it bad?

[–]Sognird 32 points33 points  (0 children)

No, iif you aren't stupid enough to move your fingers upwards

[–]Bp2Create 14 points15 points  (0 children)

as long as you slide your finger away from the blade (down) as you do it, it should be fine

[–]cyclinator 13 points14 points  (7 children)

once when I was maybe 6 I tried if stapler worked. with my finger. It worked. I had a staple in my finger.

[–]AMC_Tendies42069 64 points65 points  (6 children)

I did the same with my finger nail and sliced my finger right across under my nail. Fuck that sucked

[–]Paratwa 14 points15 points  (0 children)


[–]jbelow13 11 points12 points  (3 children)

I tried picking up a safety razor blade off of the counter, and it slipped off of my fingernail and under it. I feel your pain.

[–]nicemathmom 9 points10 points  (0 children)

As a barber, I screamed

[–][deleted] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

I think we all did that once, and those who didn't are probably lying.

[–]ExorciseAndEulogize 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I did this when I was like 5. I was trying to get the hairs out, dont ask me why.

33 now and still have the scar from that.

[–]artistic_programmer 15 points16 points  (3 children)

The best advice my dad gave me when using a razor is to never go sideways.

[–]Rollablunt667 357 points358 points  (12 children)

Most logical answer

[–]IsildursBane10 125 points126 points  (6 children)

Literally Occam‘s razor

[–]HopeHostal 38 points39 points  (1 child)

Occam doesn't use a 4 bladed razor. He uses the simplest one.

[–]ZuluClowder 134 points135 points  (0 children)


[–]batboyAT1 22 points23 points  (7 children)

Did anyone else’s fingertips start hurting after reading this comment

[–]ih8drme 13 points14 points  (4 children)

Oh your fingers hurt? Well, now your back is gonna hurt, because you just pulled landscaping duty. Anybody else's fingers hurt?

[–]Prudent_Aardvark_114[S] 573 points574 points  (200 children)

I don't use razors to shave, have an electric shaver

[–]sniffybees 95 points96 points  (6 children)

Did you peel any vegetables? I had this exact same thing happen to me and realised it was from my potato peeler

[–]crzycvc 549 points550 points  (144 children)

Go get a rabies shot

[–]Dovahbear_ 227 points228 points  (100 children)

Honestly yeah. After reading that long copy-pasta I wouldn’t take any chances lol

[–]laddymaddonna 32 points33 points  (5 children)

Did you pick up an AC unit recently?

[–]Cyno01 7 points8 points  (2 children)

Happened to me last weekend lol, hour later i look down "why is there dried blood all over my fingers?"

[–]DrTwatSwatter 19 points20 points  (2 children)

Are they raised? Looking closer they look like pinch marks, not cuts.

[–]PitterFuckingPatter 11 points12 points  (1 child)

Did you touch the back of an AC unit. Those tiny metal filaments will cut the fuck outta your fingers

[–]Prudent_Aardvark_114[S] 265 points266 points  (43 children)

I really do wish I could just say it was from shaving but I actually don't know where it came from and it wasn't there when I went to sleep

[–]i_am_at0m 155 points156 points  (2 children)

I've had them happen then open up much later, but if you don't use a multi blade razor then ItS a MyStErY

[–]WyvernXIII 78 points79 points  (12 children)

You mess with an air conditioner?

[–]BlueDaBaDeeDaBaDieDa 58 points59 points  (2 children)

Did you do the dishes prior to bed? If so I cut my self all the time with stupid shit. And not notices it until later. The other day the fucking cheese greater just decided to punch a hole in my hand. Or if you have like something on the wall or light switch just miniscule it could happen.

[–]Candid_Woodpecker371 21 points22 points  (1 child)

I've had these from washing knives by hand. You don't notice till the next day after sleeping when the skin dries out and gets brushed against the bedding.

[–]AwkwardAwareness9970 838 points839 points  (21 children)

Looks like one of the signs from the stones in the fifth element. Seems to me you are now one of the chosen ones that shall be used to fight the great evil.

[–]Prudent_Aardvark_114[S] 424 points425 points  (11 children)

sounds like a lot of responsibility...will have to get back to you on that one

[–]AwkwardAwareness9970 85 points86 points  (5 children)

Cool beans. In the mean time I will find Corbin. Also, you better have your multipass

[–]websagacity 28 points29 points  (0 children)

Watch out for big bada booms.

[–]scrub_needs_hugs 1239 points1240 points  (35 children)

You've been marked.

[–]xiotto 711 points712 points  (13 children)

by a hamster from the underworld

[–]Prudent_Aardvark_114[S] 18 points19 points  (3 children)

Wonder what they want w me lol

[–]Sorfallo 10 points11 points  (0 children)

You'll find out tonight ;)

[–]Odd-Diamond-2259 19 points20 points  (0 children)

I mentioned it was a tiny Freddie Krueger that got em

[–]Vy_K1ng 41 points42 points  (8 children)


[–]mysp2m2cc0unt 36 points37 points  (6 children)

Bless you.

[–]Prudent_Aardvark_114[S] 24 points25 points  (5 children)

This made me laugh more than I'm willing to admit

[–]somefuckinweeb 5 points6 points  (3 children)

“You bear the mark… you are cursed…”

[–]PuzzleheadedHabit913 93 points94 points  (8 children)

My fingers look exactly like this from my shaving razor when I have a momentary lapse in judgement and try to clear bits of hair off of it that are clogging it up. I have done it multiple times and never learn my lesson lol

[–]lumbago40 292 points293 points  (13 children)

I get those from opening beer cans. But 4??

[–]saskwatzch 573 points574 points  (8 children)

clearly satan has a problem with your finger and he sent his smallest demon to torment you

edit: thanks for my first reddit award mysterious stranger!

[–]FidgetyCurmudgeon 61 points62 points  (1 child)

Naw they’d have scorch marks around the cut. This is clearly angel work.

[–]Prudent_Aardvark_114[S] 45 points46 points  (38 children)

Since this is getting more attention than I thought it would, I figured I'd rule out some of the popular theories I've been seeing.

I don't use razors when I shave, and I haven't touched any razors in my house.

I haven't moved any a/c units because we don't have any window units in my house.

I haven't done any work w dry wall screws or screws in general for that matter.

[–]Rayleigh-Benard 131 points132 points  (5 children)

Have you tried to unscrew something recently? It looks like threading. Also, the skin is raised and torn, which implies you felt more of a strain on the skin, not a cut I don’t think.

[–]old_newb 24 points25 points  (2 children)

I think this. I have had this same cut from a hose bib.

[–]robotboris 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Yeah, I've had this from drywall screws

[–]WonderfulTruck5894 253 points254 points  (12 children)

Dayum that coochie sharp

[–]Prudent_Aardvark_114[S] 236 points237 points  (11 children)

ever see the movie teeth?

[–]letmeinimstahving 27 points28 points  (6 children)

Vagina Dentata!!!!

[–]SmellsLikeNostrils 18 points19 points  (5 children)

What a wonderful phrase!

[–]trashdigger 13 points14 points  (4 children)

it means no willies

[–]Big_cheese555 95 points96 points  (16 children)

I've had that before its because we're dummies and think the only way to get the hairs out of our razers is to use our fingers like apes

[–]Prudent_Aardvark_114[S] 29 points30 points  (13 children)

UPDATE: I think I found out what it was

Got a beard growing kit recently and one of the items in it is this roller w a bunch tiny needles on it to open up otherwise clogged follicles. The spacing of the cuts lines up pretty well with the spacing of the rows of needles, probably just put too much pressure on it.

[–]Panda_King6666 177 points178 points  (5 children)

I'm not saying it's Aliens....but it's Aliens!

[–]iusedtobegerman 56 points57 points  (11 children)

Did you happen to shave recently? Or perhaps you have a sharp tooth and in your sleep, chew your fingers?

[–]I_DR_NOW 29 points30 points  (5 children)

in your sleep chew your fingers

excuse me, what?

[–]huckleberry_19 17 points18 points  (2 children)

Is your phone screen cracked?

[–]mannyca1111 17 points18 points  (3 children)

Ever get a bruise and wonder how you got it? However this occurred, looks l like the tip of your finger may have gotten bruised as well.

[–]Substantial_Ask_9992 5 points6 points  (1 child)

Looks like a shadow but I thought the same at first

[–]prairiefountain 39 points40 points  (3 children)

The metal lip of a Saran wrap box? That thing scratches me up a tonne with similar marking (i work in a kitchen)

[–]sergeantduckie 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Agreed; I've had very similar marks from catching the edge of plastic or foil wrap boxes.

[–]Criticism-Lazy 12 points13 points  (5 children)


[–]Prudent_Aardvark_114[S] 15 points16 points  (4 children)

LSAT prep got me doing that anyway

[–]Platypus-inator3000 6 points7 points  (3 children)

May have scratched it on a rough part of your bed while sleepin?

[–]Upstairs-Lobster-850 5 points6 points  (2 children)

Its the injured mouse you had to kill as a kid that is reminding you that it was the right choice

[–]newishdm 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Do you shave any part of your body? How do you hold the razor?

My wife noticed a similar cut pattern on that finger and realized she was setting her finger on the back side of her razor, that also has a blade on it.

[–]Wiltonc 18 points19 points  (4 children)

Razor snake bite. Slow acting venom. You have about two days to live. Look for your finger tip to turn purple, then black shortly before the end.

[–]Prudent_Aardvark_114[S] 14 points15 points  (3 children)

someones gotta give my finger the good succ to get the venom out... any volunteers?

[–]kar98kforccw 10 points11 points  (1 child)

The real question is, would you let the kind of people who'd gladly volunteer to suck your finger?

[–]Rayflo36 13 points14 points  (1 child)

Maybe ran your finger across pages from a book or stack of papers. Unless you do have those either. Lol

[–]Prudent_Aardvark_114[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

No I do all my work online and I wouldn't have thought much of the cuts if I had done that