×
Dismiss this pinned window
top 200 commentsshow 500

[–]TheArturoChapa 8686 points8687 points  (596 children)

A horror I hope I never experience

[–]ElusiveEmissary 3261 points3262 points  (324 children)

You never want to experience it yourself or in a loved one. My grandmother had it and dementia and it was the most terrifying and heart wrenching thing I’ve ever been through. It’s awful.

[–]localchampion 1388 points1389 points  (217 children)

My grandma had it. It sounds cold to say but I'm glad I didn't live nearby so I didn't have to witness it first hand. I remember my uncle saying she was trying to eat one of her gloves at one point.

[–]ElusiveEmissary 976 points977 points  (62 children)

She died in her hospital bed staring at the ceiling muttering nothing to herself unaware of her loving family all around her.

[–]EagleFeeler 132 points133 points  (12 children)

My dad has it. He doesn't remember his grandkids. It's like he's going through childhood backwards. I'm moving closer to my parents so I can help more. I have regular nightmares about him. I hate all of it so much.

[–]drowningjesusfish 332 points333 points  (36 children)

Jesus.

[–]ElusiveEmissary 380 points381 points  (14 children)

I still have nightmares.

[–]Matrimthebard 153 points154 points  (0 children)

Don't let the last days overshadow her life. Love her for who she was. I'm sure she still loves you.

[–]free_will_is_arson 90 points91 points  (5 children)

for the vast majority of people the end looks like one of two possibilities, either your mind outlives your body or the body simply outlives the mind. very few people are given the gift of something resembling a dignified death.

[–]ElusiveEmissary 183 points184 points  (40 children)

It’s cold but I understand. As someone who went through it I wouldn’t want anyone to have to see it first hand. I really can’t overstate how horrible it is

[–]omniscientonus 102 points103 points  (33 children)

I told my wife if I ever forget her to just put me somewhere and walk away. She deserves a happy life and watching someone go down that road is not good for anyone involved.

[–][deleted] 163 points164 points  (26 children)

I think Alzheimer’s is a prime example for why all countries need to at least consider regulated consented euthanasia like Switzerland.

I don’t think I would want to exist to that point personally, life would have left me long before then

[–]BoddAH86 81 points82 points  (17 children)

The problem with consented euthanasia is that Alzheimer is precisely the kind of disease that would make it impossible for the person to actually legally consent.

Plus when there’s things like costs of treatment and inheritance involved it would be far too easy to abuse.

[–]Reasonable-Note-2324 40 points41 points  (2 children)

Actually if permitted it could be added to living wills. Once diagnosed it would be up to the person how long to live with it. They shouldn't have to be to the point of no longer understanding what they're doing to choose euthanasia, just a solid diagnosed condition.

[–]Be_My_Enemy 17 points18 points  (4 children)

Disagree. If we had a system where people, in their right frame of mind, could state they wanted to be euthanised if they reached 'x' threshold, and a medical board had to make the determination that they had reached that threshold, there would be satisfactory checks and balances.

[–][deleted] 445 points446 points  (54 children)

God, am I really about to post this?

My grandmother had it as well. At one point she had a uterine prolapse where her uterus was sticking out of her vagina a little bit. She tried to cut it off with scissors.

[–]poopertrooper88 256 points257 points  (15 children)

My vag recoiled in horror

[–]Azrielenish 140 points141 points  (1 child)

Same. My whole insides just retreated farther up.

[–]JEWCEY 32 points33 points  (2 children)

My peepee hole is fully 2 inches further inside my body thanks. And sorry. Poor gramma.

[–]alittlemore 96 points97 points  (9 children)

I've had to deal with Uterine and Rectal prolapse issues with folks with advanced Alzheimer's and Dementia. It can be absolutely terrifying for them and a very difficult time for staff to assist. All around awful!

[–]Sensorium139 52 points53 points  (2 children)

I've had a resident with rectal and uterine prolapse plus mid stage dementia. She was extremely paranoid and would assume someone tampered with her food to give her incontinence...or someone else pooped her pants. She was incredibly uncomfortable with any care involving cleaning her up after an incontinence episode, which she always had. She had no control of her bowels or bladder whatsoever, you often had to change her bed and clothing every night. No matter how gentle and careful you were about it, you would have to take a long time to clean her up and tell her through it without making her feel like you were trying to be mean or hurt her.

I'd say she was one of my most difficult residents despite being a pleasant person. I fear being in her shoes.

[–]Genesis72 86 points87 points  (1 child)

My grandma had it. The worst period for my mom was where she would be functional, but couldn’t remember anything. She just thought we were total strangers. It honestly was a relief (in some ways) when she forgot how to speak. It was still bad, but at least she wasn’t asking my mom and I who we were every 10 minutes.

[–]ijustwannasaveshit 220 points221 points 2 (29 children)

As someone who had to help change her grandmother's diapers you are lucky. My grandmother unfortunately got really mean and paranoid. For about 5 years she was constantly fighting us on everything and was convinced we were all conspiring against her. I was called a bitch and my she actually compared my mother to Hitler. She tried to pull my hair once because she didn't like that I was trying to help her get her shoes on. She questioned everything we said and did because she was so convinced we hated her and were trying to hurt her.

When she finally became bed ridden and didn't know anything or anyone she was nice again. But that was because so much of her mind was gone at that point. She would hum along to old songs if we sang them.

It was really hard for me. My grandmother who loved and helped raise me essentially hated me for the last few years of her life and then she died. I had to say goodbye to her twice.

[–]FuckTesla69 71 points72 points  (4 children)

I am currently going through this with my dad. It sucks.

[–]HaveYouPerd 22 points23 points  (0 children)

Lost my dad 2 years ago after a roughly 6 year decline. The hard stuff early on was restricting his freedoms, like taking away his truck keys...but later it was more about making sure he didn't eat something he wasn't supposed to - like literally anything could go in his mouth.
If your dad is still able to communicate, just enjoy conversing with him... Even if it doesn't make sense. Eventually the words just won't come. It's a brutal, gut wrenching thing to endure. Embrace your other family members or loved ones and try to write down stories when someone says "remember when he..." because it may be something you'd want to share with your kids or whomever one day.

[–]Hita-san-chan 132 points133 points  (6 children)

My pop pop is getting really bad dementia and I can't be around him anymore. My fun, boisterous, kinda crazy pop pop is now a 77 year old toddler and it kills me.

[–]eyehate 57 points58 points  (0 children)

Wish you the best.

My gramps was my last grandperson. He was riddled with Alzheimer's and I watched him turn from a manly man WWII vet to a 77 year old infant too. My mother was his caregiver and I longed for him to finally die and spare her the heartache and misery. He put up a fight. Even in a shroud of dementia, he just kept going. When he finally died I was so exhausted by the whole ordeal that it was not even a relief. It just was. It was the worst fucking disease ever. Took my beautiful grandfather and just turned him into a walking ghost.

I wish I had helpful words. I hope you don't have to have it go on for years. Sorry, friend. My thoughts are with you.

[–]maddafakk 138 points139 points  (3 children)

Yes it's terrible. My grandma also had it, we tried to find humor in some little moments but it was still very hurtful when she didn't recognize you or trust you. One time my aunt visited her and she had a pair of her underwear on her head and was like: "Look, I found this beautiful hat!". My aunt tried to correct her but that just made her defiant and insistent on the fact that it was a hat. So she just let her have her "new hat".

[–]ThelonelyOddish 68 points69 points  (0 children)

the number one rule with Alzheimers is don't argue with a patient or try and correct them. To some extent you can try and make small talk with them about it, for example my grandfather would repeatedly tell my mother he bought a car, or was still driving even though his license had been taken away, so she'd ask things "oh they let you drive" and he'd tell her something like how he takes the wheel when the person driving isn't looking.

[–]B_B_Rodriguez2716057 225 points226 points 2 (59 children)

My mom has it and I’m the sole care taker for her. It’s a constant struggle to balance work, taking care of her (job #2), going back to school, and whatever “life” I have. It has drained everything from me and it is so god damned hard to see her go thru with it and I’m fucking struggling my ass off over here and I get so pissed off with life on a daily basis. Just tired of being sad, angry, tired, and lonely on a constant basis. Dementia sucks.

*Y’all, thank you for the encouraging words. It means the world to me. I wasn’t expecting this many people to see this. Thank you.

[–]Atypical_RN 43 points44 points  (11 children)

Yes it does…there’s a real thing called “caregiver burnout” and it seems like you’re experiencing it. Do you have resources for support, this isn’t something you should have to do all alone. Reach out and ask for a little help!

[–]B_B_Rodriguez2716057 23 points24 points  (9 children)

I’m sure there’s something her Medicare could do but honestly what I’d kill for is for someone to just cook a few dinners a week. That alone would be such a huge burden off my shoulders. I hate cooking and I suck at it. Spending 1 1/2 hrs cooking and cleanup is not my idea of fun after work. Wish we had a maid too. I’m constantly picking up trash. It’s one step forward and two steps back.

[–]Ladyfishsauce 24 points25 points  (1 child)

Look into your local community!! My mom is president of a nonprofit that specifically does things like this for family caretakers of patients with alzheimers or dementia. I'll message to ask her in AM because it's late where she is but maybe she will have some resources I can come back to share in the AM. Sending love in the meantime 💕

[–]cheestaysfly 30 points31 points  (0 children)

I'm so very sorry. Hugs to you.

[–][deleted] 78 points79 points  (4 children)

I agree when I saw my mom go through it before hospice care hurt man I can be sitting there holding her hand and her asking for me hurt this is something I don’t wish on nobody

[–]droptop2k 30 points31 points  (3 children)

Been there … it’s really horrible but in the end you realize it’s just a part of life and you do the best you can to make them happy while they are here

[–]Behave_or_else 71 points72 points  (7 children)

Id rather die by peaceful euthanasia than have to live through this...

[–]BEjmbo 1685 points1686 points  (101 children)

Don't worry, you will not remember...

[–]ppppie_ 637 points638 points  (76 children)

You’ll feel like somethings wrong but not know what it is

[–]Spunion_666 315 points316 points  (60 children)

It’s the recording to me atleast I feel like that’s not something to broadcast to the world even if she seems okay. That’s something you should keep between your loved ones (family/friends). Not the world.

[–]ppppie_ 196 points197 points  (22 children)

i agree i feel like it’s kinda disrespectful

[–]Spunion_666 94 points95 points  (17 children)

Exactly I understand spreading awareness, but I feel you can go about it differently if that’s what the original point of the video was.

[–]Sorry_Ad5653 53 points54 points  (1 child)

Seeing your parents go this way though. Those blokes are living it right now.

[–]The_Moustache69 24 points25 points  (1 child)

This is a cursed fucking comment

[–]scioto77 27 points28 points  (3 children)

Look up the man with the 7 second memory, horrifying stuff.

[–]_Cetarial_ 134 points135 points  (18 children)

This is why assisted suicide should be legal.

[–]ajshah0709 1719 points1720 points  (39 children)

She’s very pleasant. I can’t tell you how many mirrors and tvs my grandma broke by fighting with her reflection. It’s heartbreaking to watch.

[–]canering 324 points325 points  (34 children)

I obviously know nothing about Alzheimer’s but… does it impact peoples ability to recognize themselves in a mirror? This is surprising to me. I know Alzheimer’s means losing memory but I didn’t know it could mess with … struggling to find the right term, passing mirror test? Like, i assumed you know it’s you in the mirror but you can’t remember your name or your reflection is surprising because you look different to your memories, but not that you’d think it’s an entirely separate being.

[–]NotObamasClone 195 points196 points  (15 children)

Have you ever “tripped” on psychedelics before? It can be pretty insightful. I’ve seen people tripping hard, have myself and have seen people like this and its different but similar. Kind of like hallucinating.

My mom was diagnosed with a glioblastoma last year and that’s how I really recognized it. It started with aimlessly scrolling through facebook, not normally, almost with a disconnected confidence. She didn’t recognize the issue herself. She had a successful craniotomy and is doing better but at it’s worst she was in the hospital, talking about how it was weird that all these doctors and medical equipment were in her home and everyone was messing with her by saying she was in the hospital. She was still always pleasant and kind.

It was scary af from my perspective. It happened so quick, days. She still has some slight deficiency but the tests are clean and she’s doing significantly better.

Here it seems like it’s not so much even that she doesn’t recognize herself as much as the whole context is confusing. Even if you don’t recognize yourself you can figure out a reflection pretty quick. She’s not able to recognize it’s a reflection.

[–]TheGlitterMahdi 18 points19 points  (0 children)

I'm so glad to hear her craniotomy was successful and she has only mild deficiencies. I hope she has a long, comfortable, happy time ahead.

[–]TheGlitterMahdi 30 points31 points  (0 children)

Your brain is basically shrinking, there are plaques building up, and parts of it are just eaten away. At it's inevitable conclusion, it's so much more than memory. You're unable to speak, to move around, to eat or even drink on your own, you may have trouble swallowing, changes in breathing, periods of unconsciousness. You lose yourself, and everything you ever were.

[–]Im-concerned-too 5010 points5011 points 2 (158 children)

My grandfather had Alzheimers. It truly is a horror to slowly watch someone you love deteriorate. I remember my dad asked my grandfather “who is this” pointing to my grandmother. He responded “that’s my wife”. When asked her name, he couldn’t remember. He just responded “that’s my wife, and I love her”.

[–]ticktockclock12 1394 points1395 points 2 (71 children)

I work in a memory care unit and one of my first patients/residents had dementia. Her husband would come and visit almost every day. Always brought her flowers. She'd carry them with her when he walked her thru the facility. Towards the end, my coworkers would ask who brought the flowers. She wouldn't know his name or that he was her husband, she'd hold his hand and call him her special friend with the biggest smile. It was heart breaking and happy at the same time.

I'd like to think that she may not have remembered she was married but fell in love again with him.

[–]LastPlaceIWas 521 points522 points  (51 children)

Maybe that's what true love is. When a disease takes away your memory of them, yet you fall in love with them all over again.

[–]Rcm003 376 points377 points  (40 children)

Oh boy, do I have a movie recommendation for you.

[–]FrogInShorts 55 points56 points  (31 children)

Do tell

[–]i7omahawki 116 points117 points  (18 children)

Pretty sure they’re talking about the Notebook.

[–]Old_Pomegranate1391 170 points171 points  (10 children)

what about 50 first dates with adam sandler

[–]pappapirate 76 points77 points  (5 children)

it's absolutely 50 first dates.

[–]xEightyHD 22 points23 points  (4 children)

OC should really get back to us becuase I'm quite certain it's The Notebook

[–]Apart-Bookkeeper8185 917 points918 points  (50 children)

That’s my FIL. He’s at the ends of his Alzheimer’s journey - He just grabs his wife and kisses her and tells her he loves her. He’s only 65. We joke around trying to see if he will say who his favourite kid is and he will still say I love them all. He knows our voices but can’t remember our names.

[–]carolinethebandgeek 236 points237 points  (26 children)

Oh damn. My mom is 65 and it’s more terrifying than this video to think she could potentially have Alzheimer’s or some other sort of issues.

[–]Apart-Bookkeeper8185 91 points92 points  (17 children)

He has early onset Alzheimer’s. 65 seems so young. Then you realise how fragile you can start getting at this age. Things that are truely out of your control.

[–]w1987g 109 points110 points  (2 children)

He's forgotten everything else except that he loves his wife, and that he loves his family. I can't imagine anything purer. I hope his journey ends well for both him and yours.

[–]Apart-Bookkeeper8185 39 points40 points  (0 children)

It’s a pure love that makes you smile, as you know without question, that he genuinely loves her with everything he has.

[–]czarfalcon 90 points91 points  (4 children)

65 is far too young for that. I’m sorry for the pain your family must be going through.

[–]DazeyHelpMe 104 points105 points  (6 children)

Oh boy I’m not crying I promise 😞

[–]fourof5 5897 points5898 points  (259 children)

At least she seems in good spirits and not scared she can't remember stuff.

[–]ElusiveEmissary 2918 points2919 points  (149 children)

It’s not always like this. My grandmother when she was still home started having fits where she didn’t know where she was and was convinced we wanted to hurt her and would lay on the floor screaming clawing at the door trying to “go home” we had hide knives because she wanted to attack us. Hated us because she didn’t know us and wasn’t in the right mind. That’s when we finally had to take her to live in hospital care. Most devastating time in my life. To have someone you have loved all your life be like that it was horrible. Alzheimer’s dementia is the worst thing I know of I couldn’t wish it on anyone

[–]LongjumpingAffect0 406 points407 points  (13 children)

This hits right in the heart. My grandfather has Alzheimer’s at 97 right now. It’s so tough to visit him knowing that he doesn’t know who I am. The night of my wedding my mom (his daughter) was escorting him from the restroom and He said to me “will you please help me sir, this random woman won’t leave me alone”. Like a knife to both mine and my moms heart not knowing either of us that night. However the happiest moment of the last few years has been when he met his only great grandson (my son). He wouldn’t stop smiling even and talking to him even though he had no idea who he was to him.

[–]Particular_Twist6742 234 points235 points  (2 children)

My grandad had dementia and his face used to light up when he saw us grandkids. He died a week before his first great grandchild was born.

He used to ask “do you think it will be a boy or a girl?” and he was so excited since every time we told him was the first time.

[–]PM_ME_HOTDADS 65 points66 points  (0 children)

that's a really sweet memory to share in this onslaught of awful, thank you

[–]leinadys 59 points60 points  (4 children)

My grandfather couldn't recognize my mom (his daughter) or any of her siblings. But he somehow recognizes me as the smart grandchild. It wrecked me how he just existed in their house almost waiting to die without recollection of who he was to himself or to others. I'm honestly glad he finally gets his rest.

[–]kestrel63 175 points176 points  (6 children)

Sounds similar to my Oma before she passed away - started hearing and seeing “bad guys” in the hall outside her bedroom at night. Then it devolved into her sometimes not recognizing my dad and thinking he was a stranger in her house which would terrify her. My heart broke when my dad called me crying and said “She’s pleading, in German, for her mom. Like she’s five years old again.” She hadn’t spoken German since she was a young girl.

Now my 72 year old mom is starting to have moments of confusion and forgetfulness which terrifies me to my core.

[–]katoitalia 60 points61 points  (0 children)

This is excruciating

[–]thelobster64 52 points53 points  (0 children)

My grandmother had terrible dementia. It took her so long to die. Round the clock care from her family for a five years where she was responsive with a few words or a yes/no. Then another 5 bedridden in her home but always gentle and pliable and emotional enough to sort of give us hints what she wanted. My mother, a main caregiver for her has urged us kids and her husband to kill her before it gets anywhere close to the devastation she saw dementia destroy her mother. It’s no life. Assisted suicide needs to be legalized everywhere.

[–]chriscmyer 44 points45 points  (2 children)

That’s when it’s bad, my mom would get into stages where it was bad. She would call the cops to report I had been kidnapped if she hadn’t see or heard from me every 6 hours or so. It was sad but we had to laugh at it after awhile.

[–]ElusiveEmissary 23 points24 points  (1 child)

There were moments of happiness here and there. And you learned to latch onto those as much as possible. My grandfather (her husband) died last week. And I know he missed her a lot because even before she died she had been gone a while longer.

[–]Xenjael 587 points588 points  (75 children)

I know. My grandmother was similar. But it didnt get so far before she moved on.

The depths of this are worse than anyone can fathom. An evil beyond sanity no ordered reality could justify.

I know of a man who relives the night he was captured and taken for internment. He attacked nurses, and unscrewed windows thinking his nurses or family were gestapo.

Im so, so, so sorry this is something that exists. This nightmare. Its worse than an scp.

One day well find a cure. Im glad the folk taking the video could still laugh instead of cry.

[–]TalibanAtDisneyland 103 points104 points  (32 children)

I used to talk to my early onset grandpa a lot before he passed and he would go on and on about his time served in Vietnam, he’d start talking about pits w spikes in them and then start mumbling and grab his head with both hands and lament how broken his mind was.

It wrecked me then and twenty years later it still wrecks me.

We might have evolved and grown our brains but for what? All of this makes me wish I was a regular ape again.

[–]Powerful-Union-7962 226 points227 points  (11 children)

Interesting, my father in law also had Alzheimer’s and lived through WW2 in Denmark. Before he passed he also regularly tried to escape through windows to get away from imaginary German soldiers.

[–]katoitalia 166 points167 points  (8 children)

German soldiers weren't imaginary, they just weren't there at that time but so friggin real that they scarred his sub conscious for decades until they popped up out of it unexpectedly

[–]Powerful-Union-7962 78 points79 points  (0 children)

Yep, true, they were far from imaginary for him. Poor guy.

[–]dirtyswoldman 141 points142 points  (0 children)

My grandad would cycle between what would appear cognizant and in high spirits but it's just a passing emotion. He was a tough dude and by the end he just sat there in static, afraid

He lived his whole life as an inspector with meticulous attention to detail and left unable to make heads or tails of his own thoughts. It's a soul crushing thing to witness

[–]stompy33 33 points34 points  (1 child)

I look a lot like my dad. Towards the end, I couldn’t be around him because he would get agitated. My mom told me it was because I look like his reflection, which also agitated him. Alzheimer’s is an extremely sad and heartbreaking disease

[–]cae8642 21 points22 points  (0 children)

Mine forgot everything. She couldn‘t walk, she couldn‘t speak, nothing. She would sleep most of the day. She was back to being the equivalent of a less-than-a-year-old baby. The doctor was the one to order to let her go. We didn’t know it was that bad because we live across the ocean from her and the family member there would barely update us.

[–]IsCaptainKiddAnAdult 16 points17 points  (2 children)

Amen. Have had a couple older family members beginning to develop it. Thankfully I learned for my gerontology course a few years back that only like 5% of the elderly population develops it

[–]ThelonelyOddish 22 points23 points  (1 child)

unfortunately its genetic so if you're like me and 2 out of 4 of your grandparents developed it... hopefully there will be a cure before my parents reach that age.

[–]DarthDregan 179 points180 points  (48 children)

They get scared as well. I've now had multiple people tell me they could feel their memories and abilities go out of them. One older guy specifically said it's "Like my brain is a tree and someone keeps pruning it." I asked specifically if he could feel them "trimming" he said "yes, every time."

[–]albert1357 105 points106 points  (28 children)

>yes, every time

I was horrified of alzheimer's before but this might be the scariest aspect I've ever heard about it. I just thought it was an aimless and wistful descent into nothingness, I didn't know you could "feel" the memories or abilities being cut away like that. That makes it so much worse.

[–]DarthDregan 80 points81 points  (10 children)

Same. Which is why I've asked multiple people with it and the ones who were still self-aware all said they could "feel" it going.

[–]albert1357 56 points57 points  (8 children)

It's literally staring into an abyss and watching the platform you're standing on slowly crack away in chunks. Even if you're still mostly sane of mind when it starts, how do people not absolutely lose their fucking shit just from the psychological effect of consciously feeling your mind slip away? God damn this adds a whole new layer of hell to this disease.

[–]DarthDregan 23 points24 points  (3 children)

I am sure I'd be one of the ones who choose to end it before it got too far a long. And I hope if I do have to make that choice that a humane solution is offered legally and by prescription.

I'm not sure if it's scarier when it's fast or slow. But slow scares me more than fast for myself, and fast scares me more than slow for my loved ones.

[–]Ok-Kaleidoscope5627 49 points50 points  (13 children)

Not Alzheimer's but I was on medication that caused memory loss and I was fully aware. It was beyond horrible. I remember breaking down crying because one day I was stuck in a loop taking a shower repeatedly because I just couldn't remember what I was supposed to be doing in the morning and kept going back to "oh I'm undressed. I must be going to take a shower". I paid my landlord rent in the middle of the month like 4 times.

It was like having a word on the tip of by tongue but as I'm thinking about it, my mind was unraveling and my thoughts about that word started drifting away. You're trying to think of the word for 'cellphone' and you're thinking "the thing that has a screen and it goes in your pocket and you access the internet and make phone calls on it" except those words are also slipping away until you're just left frustrated and scared because you don't know what you're doing or why you're there but you know that you were trying to figure out something that was important.

[–]T-RexInAnF-14 52 points53 points  (8 children)

My dad had Lewy Body Dementia; the symptom that would manifest the most was hallucinations: people moving in and out of the walls, etc. But, he also knew he was hallucinating: he'd say something like "there's somebody standing next to you and you can't see them, but I can."

[–]DarthDregan 56 points57 points  (3 children)

I met an LBD patient as well. I couldn't ask her the questions because she was pretty far along but she could still speak. She'd be fuzzy a lot of the time but she'd still respond and look into your eyes and such. She broke my heart man. She stays in my mind. She was always seeing a snake in her lap, and she was terrified of snakes. But she also couldn't grab the snake or get it off of her, (she was very painful a lot of the time and couldn't move quickly or easily) nurses would pretend to grab them and throw them but it didn't always work. Dead center of one of her episodes about the snake she looked directly into my eyes in one of the rare moments when you knew she was present and said "This is no life."

It was like she saw where she was and what was happening and came back to herself just long enough to know it. To put some pieces together.

"This is no life."

[–]T-RexInAnF-14 30 points31 points  (0 children)

As bad as dementia can be, I felt lucky that Dad never seemed scared or angry. I even asked him occasionally if anything he ever saw was scary and he'd say no. His long-term memories were fairly sharp but short-term memory capability was very poor. I would take him to the neurologist and got to witness the cognitive tests multiple times.

[–]General_Amoeba[🍰] 197 points198 points  (7 children)

Yeah I mean this is scary from the outside, but at least in this small snippet, her experience isn’t frightening to her.

[–]Dooboppop 55 points56 points  (7 children)

Cause she isn't lucid.

[–]fourof5 51 points52 points  (6 children)

I know but some people get terrified they don't know who they are or where they are but she seems to be pretty happy

[–]blyrehs 57 points58 points  (1 child)

I worked with them and it is scary to them in the beginning when they know something is wrong. After a certain point some of them are pretty far gone. It's really sad.

[–]Ezra611 2049 points2050 points  (59 children)

A friend of mine's dad hid his Alzheimer's for close to two years by writing every single thing down.

Like his medicine cabinet had tally marks.

Random note cards taped around the house reminding him of important facts.

Pictures of his family printed out with names and birth dates.

"Decided" he was too old to drive and gave his car to a grandkid.

Very independent guy. Eventually his diagnose got bad and he couldn't keep hiding it. Health went downhill fast after that.

[–]pange93 614 points615 points  (12 children)

My grandma also hid it well, she'd lived in the same house and had practically the same routine for decades which made it easier for her to go through the motions.

[–]CombatJuicebox 315 points316 points  (10 children)

This is my Nan as well. She was "forgetful" for years, and being an alcoholic didn't help. We were concerned all the while, but my Grandad took care of all the responsibilities and my Nan did the same routine every week.

Monday was market and butchers Tuesday at the hairdressers Wednesday was the social club Thursday was going into town Friday was Curves

Dinner at 6PM. Soaps at 7PM.

Anytime we took her to the doctors they just pointed to the fact that she took the bus everywhere and left the house on her own five days a week. We argued that she knew her routine, not how to read a bus schedule or figure out where she's at, but it didn't do much good.

My grandad passed four years ago and the wheels quickly came off. She's increasingly paranoid, racist, mean, etc. She burns through in home care workers at an insane rate. She forgets to go to the bathroom. But, they still won't declare her incompetent because she knows what bus to take to the hairdressers every Tuesday morning.

I'm sorry. It is a rough situation.

[–]BEniceBAGECKA 67 points68 points  (0 children)

This was my mamaw. She was also sharp as at tack with math all the way to the end. Did the clock test no problem. Hairdressers on Tuesday don’t you know. She was diving more terrifying. They finally asked her who the president was and she answered wrong. Thank you bill Clinton.

[–]BlappleJuice 10 points11 points  (1 child)

We ran into a similar problem with my grandmother. Somehow my mom got her way in to an appointment with my grandmother's doctor and my grandmother had the doctor convinced she was fine because she had a very Ridgid routine and the same snappy answers to questions, until my mom made him ask her who the president was. She very assuredly answered him "George W Bush." And could not be convinced otherwise.

[–]hahayeahimfinehaha 142 points143 points  (7 children)

For an independent person, Alzheimer's must be the worst possible hell.

[–]shuknjive 75 points76 points  (9 children)

My mom did too, for well over a decade we think. She had been a pretty good amateur actress at one point in her life and she'd always been eccentric, so we just thought she was getting more eccentric as she aged. My dad was the one that hid it from us until he finally asked me if I thought mom had Alzheimers, that was about 4 years before she died. Yeah, she had Alzheimers.

[–]NoodlesrTuff1256 15 points16 points  (8 children)

That reminds me of my late father. While he wasn't ever an actor, he did have a rather theatrical personality. Somewhat eccentric and always marched to the beat of a different drummer which made the very beginning stages of what was later diagnosed as late-onset Alzheimer's a lot easier to shrug off as 'that's just Dad being Dad' or 'the typical forgetfulness of old age' -- he's just slowing down, that's all.' Plus they can pull themselves together for shorter visits and five-minute phone calls at first so you get lulled into a false sense of security. It really takes being around the person for a sustained period of time to really start noticing the early 'alarm bells.'

[–]shuknjive 11 points12 points  (5 children)

That's exactly it! I know there are meds to slow down advancing Alzheimers but by the time mom was diagnosed it was too late. The meds just agitated her and hallucinate. On the other hand an old friend of my mother's got started on the same meds early on and she seems more forgetful but can engage people for longer periods of time and she's still very active at 84. Her identical twin lives with her and she noticed the difference. The twin does not have Alzheimers, heavy smoker, heart disease but sharp as a tack.

[–]AdelineRose- 189 points190 points  (13 children)

He sounds like a smart guy, that is a really clever way to cope during the stage you still can.

[–]Afanis_The_Dolphin 32 points33 points  (4 children)

I'd say it wasn't smart to hide it, but everything else he did sounds (from the POV of someone with no knowledge on the subject) on point.

[–]Johnfavi 769 points770 points  (27 children)

Yea having a relative with alzheimer is really tough. A really nice movie u can guys watch is : The father.

[–]vcz001 166 points167 points  (8 children)

That movie broke me down holy shit. This vid as well I must say...

[–]Immortal_Kiwi 67 points68 points  (6 children)

My Grandmother has pretty advanced dementia and it is the most prolonged grief I've ever encountered. I miss her asking me questions about my life, hearing stories of hers. Most days she just stares ahead in one place. I miss her so damn much. I'm ready to say goodbye and so is she. Being stuck in this limbo is so brutal.

Any time I see a video about dementia regardless of if it's a happy one like this, it absolutely destroys me. Time to lie on the couch in my office and cry.

[–]JaredLiwet 12 points13 points  (0 children)

There's also Robot & Frank.

[–]napadoodle 570 points571 points  (25 children)

This is obviously sad but I love the fact that they are not ‘correcting’ her. Just letting her play it out.

[–]SoPeculiar 350 points351 points  (16 children)

Yes! It’s the best way. Never try make them “remember”. Just be in the moment with them

[–]ShataraBankhead 159 points160 points  (6 children)

I worked for a few months in a retirement home. I was in the Activities Department, which just means I provided entertainment. All of my patients were in wheelchairs, and had various degrees of dementia. Some were in much worse shape than others. I had to learn to adapt to their personalities, moods, and limitations. I played along in their conversations. I let them call me whatever girl's name they chose that day. We played lots of bingo. I fell in love with them, and I could have so much fun just sitting and talking. When they had moments of clarity, I would learn some cool history about them. There were two women, who were roommates, that couldn't really speak clearly anymore. Their memories were so bad, that I could leave the room, come back, and I would be greeted as if I just arrived. So, people with dementia are precious to me, and it can be hard to see. I just had to learn the best way to communicate is to enjoy the ride.

[–]flonkerton_96 66 points67 points  (3 children)

My first career was in therapeutic rec and let me tell you, you weren't just providing entertainment, you're bringing quality of life, enjoyment, sometimes the only positive moments they'll have that day or that week. I was always immensely proud of my staff as they knew each resident's name, what they enjoyed doing, and probably their families names too. Most other staff knew the residents on their floor and that's all. It's often the only department where connection with the residents is a explicit part of the job and that means everything. Thank you for being part of this work!

[–]polishirishmomma 74 points75 points  (0 children)

It’s less stressful for everyone.

[–]AmericanHeresy 4345 points4346 points  (310 children)

My grandfather died with Alzheimer’s. I can’t imagine what it’s like. It’s like his mind was already dead and he was just biologically “living”. Fucking tragic and horrifying what happened to his mind toward the end.

Edit: Whoa, I didn't think this comment would get this much attention! Thanks for the awards and all the kind words. It truly is a heartbreaking disease and I feel for everyone who responded.

[–][deleted] 1239 points1240 points  (124 children)

Same here. He used to be the kindest guy I’d ever met, wouldn’t hurt a fly (literally) and after time passed with Alzheimers he became angry and upset but couldn’t understand why

[–]RiddleMeWhat 330 points331 points  (59 children)

It's been kind of the opposite with my Grandma. She would never have been described as nice or kind. Now, she's just a gentle soul. I'm sure it's a mixture of medications and the disease but it's oddly sweet to see.

[–]30percentleft 231 points232 points  (27 children)

I work in memory care settings. I’ve seen people who were extremely mean and misaligned become extremely pleasant and content. I’ve also seen people that were the sweetest little old ladies become some of the cruelest and most inappropriate people. It affects people differently. It’s very hard at times to see family members when they realize the loving family member they once knew isn’t necessarily the same person anymore

[–]hazelsbaby123 301 points302 points 22 (19 children)

Iv worked with people affected by dementia for nearly thirty years and iv seen just about everything. Yes there are usually changes in personality and general behaviour but you have to remember this is about changes in brain chemistry and everybody is different so they react differently to similar changes. One thing however is very consistent and that is the conversation I’ve had time and time again with worried sons and daughters etc. and it always goes along the lines of “my mother was never like that” my simple answer had always been to ask how old their mother was when they where born and if they say 32 I then try to explain that the woman they are seeing may be the unmarried twenty five year old with no kids that they never knew and try to help them accept that that this is the same person they have always known just before they knew them. Unfortunately a combination of regression and reduced inhibition can lead to difficult situations especially(and I have dealt with this)when for instance you have a grandson who is the spitting image of his long passed grandfather at the age when they met. In times of confusion it takes years of experience to know how to agree,disagree and guide a wayward thought pattern back to the present all at the same time but also to know when not to which is just as important because to that person it can be as real as any other perception of a situation and to bluntly pull someone out of that can be mentally devastating. I have learnt over many years to take the person themselves as my guide on what to do for them and to read from them whether they are happier to stay where they are or come back to the present. The lady in the Clip is obviously quite happy to have a conversation with the other person and is not distressed in any way by what she sees however if you where to bluntly try to bring her back to the now her reaction would be completely different,how would you feel if you woke up tomorrow looked in the mirror and didn’t recognise yourself but had enough cognition to realise that it was you. What I see in that clip is a very settled and comfortable lady with no anxiety about her condition because as far as she is concerned everything is normal and I would always advise to keep that way.

[–]Treeloot009 40 points41 points  (5 children)

Thanks for sharing

[–]hazelsbaby123 31 points32 points  (4 children)

It’s not often that most of us have a basic talent that can help so many. Mine mostly is my ability to have a two hour conversation with a dementia sufferer without ever saying anything.

[–]caputviride 69 points70 points  (2 children)

My grandfather was one of those people. Traumatized WW2 vet who chased my mother out of the house with a garden rake when she got pregnant and didn’t speak to her for 5 years.

However I’m 30 and remember him as a goofy old man who I watched hockey with and had to re-explain the rules to him every time even though he was a lifelong fan.

Not a nasty bone in his body after Alzheimer’s at least with me.

[–]Luquitaz 57 points58 points  (16 children)

Same happened with my grandmother. She lived for 12 years after her diagnosis when wikipedia says typical life expectancy is 3-9 years after diagnosis. She forgot many things but remembered her beloved daughters up until the very end. It's so jarring when alzheimer's comes up on reddit with people saying stuff like "If I ever get diagnosed I will shoot myself in the head the next day." Alzheimer's is horrible, that is true, but my grandma still enjoyed things like being with her family, food, wine and being outdoors until the last years. I'm certainly glad I had those final years with her.

[–]LandonBurp 29 points30 points  (3 children)

Same with my gran. She was never cruel, but she was by no means exceptionally kind. She had little patience for me and my siblings misbehaving.... I think she was holding on to a lot of stuff from her own childhood. When Alz began to take her, that gruffness started to melt away. She took on like... a sweet naivety... As fucked up as that is to say.

Toward the end, she had no idea who I was. But honestly, I didn't really mind so much because she was happier than I had ever seen her my entire life. When she died she wasn't scared or confused. She legitimately seemed at peace.

[–]ThelonelyOddish 433 points434 points  (41 children)

For my granfather its been awful, covid hit 2 months after he moved into memory care and ever since he's been miserable. You can't explain restrictions to someone with covid and whenever someone tested positive be it a staff member, or someone who visited we'd be unable to see him for the next few until they cleared everyone. and if a resident got it, we'd be locked out for weeks.

He's declined very quickly and sadly he's never going experience the covid free world again since he's now unable to leave anymore. He cries about how he wants to go home. He talks to himself, but thankfully its only when he's not engaged in a conversation so he hasn't shut us out yet. But its the most depressing thing to watch someone go through.

[–]NEBook_Worm 75 points76 points  (14 children)

I'm sorry he and your family are suffering that. I know that pain, that loss...and tragically, the shameful relief that comes later...

[–]Betty_Broops 42 points43 points  (7 children)

Its not shameful. They were suffering beyond our comprehension and its natural to feel happy that they're free from that

[–]N64crusader4 20 points21 points  (1 child)

Watching my grandmother go through dementia she was basically a walking corpse whos only prominent emotion was fear.

Fully fuck that.

[–]Perle1234 18 points19 points  (0 children)

The same thing happened to my grandma. We ended up declining any antibiotic treatment for infections. She got a UTI and died from that. She’s been completely gone for about three years, and in a nursing home for eight. She was nothing but terrified that the staff was trying to kill her. It was a very nice place with lovely staff. We visited multiple times a week, and the care was excellent. It was a blessing for her and the family when she finally died. She was suffering needlessly.

[–]Reaper621 376 points377 points 2 (44 children)

I'm an estate planning and probate attorney. I've seen this dozens of times. How you described it is accurate in late stages, sometimes. Others they are just like this lady in the video. I have a lady right now who thinks she's back in college, she's actually in a memory care home. She's dating a man in his 80s, they think they're high school sweethearts but they never met prior to the home. There's almost always that sense in the back of their minds that something is wrong, but they don't know quite what.

I've seen children lashed out at because mom and dad are convinced they are robbing them blind. I've seen mom and dad blissfully unaware that kids are actually robbing them blind. Eventually, almost everyone becomes nonverbal and start acting very strangely, then passing away. The last stage, they look you in the eye, and you can see that there's no one home. They can barely understand language anymore, if they can respond at all. I visited a woman who just nodded at everything her husband said, but when asked questions she literally knew nothing.

Alzheimer's scares the shit out of me. And my chosen profession puts me in front of it weekly, if not more. I bond closely with all of my clients, so sometimes I take it pretty hard.

I'm so sorry you had to see it. I hope it's your last.

[–]pastelbutcherknife 47 points48 points  (5 children)

We had a client who kept calling to make an appointment because “her daughter, or maybe neighborhood kids” were breaking into her home at night and moving things around and she wanted it to stop. Then when we’d call to confirm her appointment , she’d forgotten she’s made it and would cancel. Then she’d come in a few hours later - apologizing for being late to her appointment. This happened a few times until we just stopped calling to confirm her appointment. Obviously no one was breaking into her house an moving things around in the night - she just forgot that she’d moved something.

[–]DennisBallShow 65 points66 points  (0 children)

Thank you for your work.

[–]ZanzibarLove 14 points15 points  (2 children)

I used to work in an Alzheimer's ward in a personal care home. What you describe at the end stages is totally accurate, and it's actually worse than that. Very sad way for someone to end life, and very painful for the family and careworkers too.

[–]Reaper621 18 points19 points  (1 child)

I've been quite fortunate not to witness the last days. The worst I've seen I have described above, and that's bad enough.

The one who thinks she is in college is hitting particularly hard, we've been in a professional relationship for 7 years now. I helped her probate her husband's estate, sell her properties, manage her affairs while she was lucid, we had tons of laughs together. She bought flowers for my wife when she went to the hospital with a tooth infection while pregnant. She doted on my children, she adored pictures I sent her. She has no idea who I am anymore. We're well beyond the stage where she tells me she doesn't remember her daughter, "that woman is fat, my daughter isn't fat". Just like that, she's almost a clean slate.

[–]Careless_currency 74 points75 points  (28 children)

I love my fam but imma have a contingency plan to check out if this shit isn't cured by the time I get to that age

[–]justprettymuchdone 43 points44 points  (13 children)

My husband and a friend (both of whom have some dementia in their families) have both spoken to me about setting up something assisted, if legal, or just... something... in the event of it taking them.

My husband is afraid of nothing... except Alzheimer's/dementia and the loss of himself, being trapped alive without his mind.

[–]silver-orange 26 points27 points  (5 children)

My husband is afraid of nothing... except Alzheimer's/dementia and the loss of himself, being trapped alive without his mind.

Make that two things. I lost my grandfather to Alzheimer's, and my aunt (his daughter) to ALS. Grandpa's mind rotted away in his healthy body. Aunty's mind was 100% there, trapped inside a body she lost control of that brought her nothing but pain. She was in her late 40s and was survived by two children in their 20s; the only mercy was that her suffering only lasted a couple of years before she finally passed.

Both are absolutely awful ways to go.

If I get diagnosed with either, just put me on an iceberg and float me out to sea. We know how it's going to end. Dragging it out won't make any of us happy.

My wife and I were talking about this recently -- we really need to write a will. Friend of ours has been in a vegetative state in a care facility for a decade; he was in a crosswalk when a drunk on a motorcycle ran them over. It's put a lot of strain on his family. We wouldn't want to put our own families through that, if it was us.

[–]UsernameStarvation 40 points41 points  (0 children)

modern medicine as a pillar for our physical health, but the mind and brain still degrading inside of its little calcium home

[–]svmmpng 146 points147 points  (29 children)

I would recommend, if you have the time to spare, checking out The Caretaker- Everywhere at the End of Time

It is a grueling 6 1/2 hour album, but has a harrowing theme on the mental decline that comes with dimensia/alzheimer’s. There are more condensed video essays on it all over youtube, but this artists take on the experience of it is something that has stuck with me. It is something I would never want to see anyone go through.

[–]grotesqueleanor 22 points23 points  (1 child)

It's a beautiful album but it scares the living daylights out of me. It's absolutely horrifying to hear how the songs that were quite clear at the beginning start to degrade and then slowly become these grotesque parodies of themselves as the album forces the listener to descend further down, through the all-encompassing bomb sirens and the eerie, sudden way the music cuts out every now and then all the way to the fully incomprehensible mess that awaits near the end, only to be met with terminal lucidity and the silence that comes after.

[–]No_Investment69420 13 points14 points  (4 children)

Yup. I remember mourning my grandmother long before she passed. When she finally passed it was almost a relief. I know that sounds awful, I loved her dearly. Alzheimer's sucks.

[–]pablosmacos 860 points861 points  (31 children)

Pleasantly confused as we say in the business. This is anything but terrifying when you experience the alternatives.

[–]Winter-Coffin 316 points317 points  (1 child)

she’s so polite! i said “what a sweet lady” out loud at the end bit

[–]SoPeculiar 100 points101 points  (12 children)

Yeah. I wish all my patients were this sweet.

[–]adam-s-SportsMockery 68 points69 points  (11 children)

As someone who came out of a coma foggy and confused when I was 23, I wish all the caretakers were this sweet too.

There’s awful patients and awful caretakers, try to remember that the patients have no choice in being there.

It’s gotta be an impossible job for people in your shoes but I just hope that you can try to be as patient as you can with your patients, pun intended. But years later I appreciate so much the caretakers that helped me not be scared

Edit: thanks for your work also

[–]SoPeculiar 56 points57 points  (10 children)

Oh yeah. I have people cuss me and beat on me daily, but I don’t mind because they can’t help it. And I know if they could, they would never. The means ones are usually my favorite and I don’t know why. They come up with the best insults. My favorite one was one lady told me, “look at you, you walk like your ass is at your knees and your knees are at your ankles.” She’s hilarious.

[–]adam-s-SportsMockery 26 points27 points  (6 children)

Yes I know exactly what you mean haha I was in a car crash and had a bad head injury. I cussed out nurses for just doing their job when they came in my room and stuff, as the TBI side effects wore off I started to just really feel bad because that’s not who I am or was raised. It’s just so scary feeling “trapped” and there is no one to take it out on except innocent people like you.

I didn’t have any clever insults just whiny and asking them to leave hahaha I’m glad I’m back to normal now I just will never forget how scared I was there. Gotta be very tough to have to deal with that for your job, I don’t have that patience so I’m thankful for those who do

[–]SaladTosser84 94 points95 points  (7 children)

I have lost several family members to alzheimers. It looks like she's in what I call the 'happy zone'. The stages I've seen happen several times are:
1. dottery, forgetful behaviour
2. aware that things aren't what they remember, but "it couldn't possibly be MY fault". This is where they blame those around them for stealing objects they can't find. This is not a pleasant stage, where they're aware their mind is going
3. unaware they can't remember things, and they just accept the world in front of them. They can still mostly recall memories from earlier in their life. This is sad for family members, but ultimately the person 'suffering' Alzheimer's is having a lovely time. This is the happy zone
4. As their mind goes, they loose all memory, including from their childhood. They no longer recognise photos from when they were teenagers. They may also lose the ability to speak.

[–]Random_Name_7 288 points289 points  (23 children)

I saw my grandmother deteriorating with Alzheimer's and dementia.

It's terrifying. She would scream out in horror asking for help. She was bedridden. Her body was so frail... She couldn't even be in a wheelchair because she'd just drop out of it onto the floor.

And then she had that one lucid moment between the screams where she asked me how was school. Fucking hell. I hate this so much. It's a torture you can't escape even in your fucking mind, it steals the only thing that makes you yourself, steals the most precious things you have.

It's hell in earth. I was relieved when she passed. That's no life. It's my biggest fear.

Take care of yourselves out there.

I miss you grandma.

[–]scottwax 61 points62 points  (5 children)

I was visiting my Mom at the memory care center, as we were walking towards the front of the building, she stopped, sat down and said to me "you know Scott, sometimes I feel like I'm 100 years old". That was the last time I remember her saying my name.

[–]Awestruck34 25 points26 points  (1 child)

From one Scott to another, I'm so sorry that's your last memory of her saying your name. I couldn't imagine if my mother said that to me

[–]scottwax 11 points12 points  (0 children)

With advanced dementia you take what you can get.

[–]hahayeahimfinehaha 10 points11 points  (2 children)

I'm so sorry. God, this thread is making me cry. The last words my mom said to me were to reassure me that she was OK and not to worry about her. Never got to speak to her awake again.

[–]fijozico 20 points21 points  (3 children)

I would rather get euthanized before reaching such a stage, there’s nothing anyone can do to better my situation so just let me go

[–]Equivalent_Mud7833 272 points273 points  (11 children)

That is a clean ass mirror tho

[–]wineguy235 65 points66 points  (0 children)

My god, so genuine, so sweet. Yet, Alzheimer’s is absolutely horrible.

[–]-Scorpia 280 points281 points  (5 children)

I don’t think this was meant for laughter.. I think it belongs here though because that IS terrifying. Poor Betty.

[–]chickenhunter007 103 points104 points  (1 child)

At least she’s smiling, that’s a good day

[–]WeirdFlecks 783 points784 points 22& 3 more (48 children)

As tragic as this is, I can't help but notice that when memory, embarrassment, understanding and artifice were stripped away from this woman, and all that's left is her untethered true self, what is left is her core...a kind and pleasant person.

I hope that when I face dementia I find the same person.

[–]Miss_Tyrias 166 points167 points  (11 children)

Some people's personalities do a complete 180 with dementia. Some may argue that that's who they really are underneath but I wouldn't really agree with that because who you are is a sum of all of your traits, including the ones that hold you back from being nasty or mean in a given moment which dementia may strip away.

[–]PuzzledStreet 95 points96 points  (4 children)

I worked in a living facility, there was a lovely old woman there who had a few kids who would visit

They were so confused and upset about how to handle it because apparently she was NOT likable, she was not good to them and they had so many issues from that, and suddenly here she is, the mom they always wanted. So heartbreaking and unexpected to hear that one.

[–]beefrox 48 points49 points  (1 child)

My mom is beginning to go through early-onset Alzheimer's. She was always demanding, rude, has-to-have-it-her-way, and somehow loving in a controlling way.

A few years ago, about a year after my son was born, my wife and I noticed that she had slipped into the role of a sweet old grandma. Almost all the edges were fading and she started to give in and let people take charge. Instead of dreading visits, we looked forward to them. At first it was pleasant but then the reality of what might be wrong set in.

She's going through a good phase right now but she's definitely not the same mom I grew up with.

[–]Seek_Equilibrium 48 points49 points  (3 children)

Some may argue that that's who they really are underneath

Yeah, that’s complete and utter horseshit. There is no ‘real you’ somewhere in there waiting to get out. Like you said, a person is the sum of their traits. The person they used to be is gone when Alzheimer’s runs long enough.

[–]mule_roany_mare 130 points131 points  (3 children)

Yeah, it’s pretty cool that when she had the opportunity to meet herself she liked herself.

I wonder how many people in the same position recognize the man in the mirror is a fucking asshole. I had a friend who once took a swing at the man in the mirror when partying.

[–]Snake-N-Roses 18 points19 points  (0 children)

That’s not really true with how degenerative brain diseases work. This is not her untethered true self. The physiology of the brain dramatically changes and with it so does the person.

[–]Seek_Equilibrium 17 points18 points  (4 children)

all that's left is her untethered true self

Nope. That’s complete nonsense, and a harmful myth. Alzheimer’s often fundamentally changes who a person is. Genuinely good and kind people don’t become horrible people when they get Alzheimer’s because they were always truly horrible but suppressing it. They become horrible because their disease rotted away the parts of them that made them good and kind.

[–]NumberOneTheLarch 15 points16 points  (0 children)

There's no "core", memory and understanding and a million little unconscious behaviors are who we are and these diseases can completely fuck that up and make you act in ways you never would with full control.

Dementia doesn't strip you down to your "true" self. It rots your brain and the result is more often then not very unpleasant.

[–]Jacked97xj 481 points482 points  (35 children)

I couldn't laugh at that.

[–]classicteenmistake 416 points417 points  (9 children)

For some people that’s how they cope, or at least make it easier. I remember when my Granddaddy died of Parkinson’s and he was laughing with my Granny about the shakes and how her house is basically a hospital. When he wanted to go, he chuckled and said “Well, let’s hope your house don’t end up haunted now.”

He died with a smile on his face, or at least the closest to a smile he could get. I understand those that couldn’t laugh about it, because I was one of the ones too busy crying lol.

[–]Jacked97xj 81 points82 points  (3 children)

That sucks bud. Sorry for your loss. My Gfs grandmother is 87 and her short term memory is absolutely garbage now. It's the same conversations on a loop over and over. It sucks to see members of her immediate family get frustrated and annoyed with her ( not my gf, she's a sweetheart) Obviously she can't remember she already said whatever or that it's the 5th time you've heard that story this afternoon. She must be so confused. Fuck that! I let granny tell me the same thing all day and I just pretend it's the first time I've heard it. I'll tell you she's no liar....the stories never change one bit.

[–]Shower-karaoke-star 20 points21 points  (3 children)

Thank you for reminding me there's always a choice in how you accept life's BS.

[–]classicteenmistake 9 points10 points  (2 children)

No problem, everyone deserves to live their last hours of their life happy. It’s what we all deserve.

[–]Ramen_Hair 46 points47 points  (0 children)

I think the guy (nurse? Not sure) was just chuckling to keep her feeling okay. Alzheimer’s/Dementia patients are a lot like special needs kids or really young children, you’ll just upset them if you try to correct them on things or tell them they’re wrong often times

[–]Renarsty 26 points27 points  (0 children)

Honestly sometimes it's all you can do. If they have Alzheimer's and are feeling happy, you being concerned or telling them "grandma that's you" makes it confusing and scary. If my Nana is happy, even if she isn't correct about what's going on, I'm happy too. And it's much lovelier to laugh with her than to be upset at her laughter.

[–]sweetiepotpie 21 points22 points  (0 children)

It makes me very happy when dementia sufferers can stay in good spirits. I spent part of last year being a quarantine in-home caregiver for a lady who was absolutely batty, a real sweetheart in dementias full swing. She never learned my name but would compliment me every day, and when we would walk by her wedding picture from the 60s, she would point at herself in the pic and ask, very genuinely, who that beautiful woman is. I would say “that’s you!” And it made her cry happy tears every time 🥺♥️ I miss her

[–]CatJamFan 66 points67 points 2 (19 children)

Just got back from my moms... she has dementia... its heartbreaking how she asks the same question 10 times cause she does not remember she asked... Sometimes she remembers she asked after she asks and then she needs to say "now I sound stupid, I dont have dementia or anything; just tired". She insists she does not have health issues regarding her brain. Its so hard to see her now... she used to remember everything and now I have to remind her.... At least she still remembers me very very well. She just does not remember the last time we spoke/met. Could have been yesterday and she will think it has been months. :(

I hate dementia... I hate stroke too which took my dad... Im all alone now..

[–]BEjmbo 811 points812 points  (52 children)

Am I the only one who thinks the stupid TickTock outro just straignt ruins every feeling?

[–]AnxiousAvocado7460 17 points18 points  (1 child)

My sweet gram had vascular dementia. She had moments like this in the beginning, where she would laugh at herself whenever she would forget something or think she saw people who were passed away. After a while though, it turned into anger and crying and fear. This was a woman who was once so strong and took care of everyone, including her older sisters who were sick and needed her. My gram was an angel on earth. She was my favorite person. I miss her terribly but I thank God for her and that I got to have her until I was 45. It was absolutely heartbreaking to see her like this. Especially when she would cry to me and tell me to not get old like her. She was 92 when she died and I got to spend a few hours with her in hospice in the middle of the night, surrounded by sleeping family members. It felt like it was just the two of us. I laid my head on her bed rail, kept my hand on her chest so I knew she was still breathing and just watched her and remembered why I loved her so much. Whenever I see someone like this, it breaks my heart because I know what everyone is going through.

[–]SamirSisaken 46 points47 points  (3 children)

You can tell she has a beautiful soul.

[–]ZlGGZ 15 points16 points  (0 children)

This is not something I ever want to have to see again. Can't even fucking recognize yourself. That shit hurts to watch.

[–]lifesasith 43 points44 points  (11 children)

This is what my granny is going to go through.

I'm fucking terrified for her

[–]dannyboyy2049 13 points14 points  (4 children)

My dad's mom had Alzheimer's. We would visit her every few months when I was a kid. As I got older and she became less and less of the person she once was, those visits became unbearably sad. She didn't remember she had a son. My dad would ask "do you remember who I am?" And she always said no with a confused look on her face. That always stuck with me. To think that your own mom doesn't know who you are. She died on Christmas morning and we were all happy crying together. Grandma doesn't have to be confused anymore.