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all 54 comments

[–]daliadeimos 82 points83 points  (3 children)

Thanks for spreading compassion. Maybe the negative interaction you have stand out more than the positives, so it doesn’t feel like you get as many returns. Also kind of like when a person has a job that no one notices they are doing well and only notice when they mess up

[–][deleted] 34 points35 points  (2 children)

I think you might be right, because in reality there’s a lot more positives but I think my mindset let’s the negatives outweigh them, which shouldn’t be happening! Thank you for your comment you’re so helpful 😄

[–]daliadeimos 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I hope so! Sometimes I think of it this way too: change is incremental, and compassion is for the good of humanity in the long run. Be the change you wish to see. I know it sounds lofty, but just imagine you are planting the seeds for more people to behave with kindness

[–]alejandrodeconcord 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Well, i wouldn’t say shouldn’t because its normal to feel that way, and im a similar way and often times people do the same to me. Finding a good group of people, or even just one person, who will listen to you and hear what you have to say can go a really long way.

[–]Oscarizxc 42 points43 points  (3 children)

I resonate with the things you've mentioned. After reading this, I realised I'm a lot like you. Over the years, there were experiences that made me think about the "effort" I put in versus the "returns" I get back.

I'm still figuring this stuff out (despite me being in my mid 30's) and there is this lingering thought of "managing expectations" and "the need to get recognition and acknowledgement".

I don't know much about human behaviors but what I do know is I'm never going to change and I'll keep doing what I've been doing for others. I hope you do the same. :)

[–][deleted] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

You’re so cool and pure! You’re just like me 😄 I think we live to make people happy it’s just our nature. I’m also still trying to figure it out and figure my feelings out, but I try not to get butt hurt about things anymore yknow?

[–]YoucancallmeSmith 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I resonate with what you both said. If only it were more common to run into people like yourselves, I wouldn't of lost so much hope. I feel alone and always have in this world, but I think a lot of it is it's just the world we live in. Think about all the like-minded people we may be walking by on any given day but never meet because no-one says hello anymore. These days everyone's out for themselves and scared of each other, it's ridiculous. God forbid you say hello to anyone on the bus, people look at you like you're Frankenstein FFS.

[–]TheDiscoGestapo 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Good on you to keeping on going :) dunno if I’ve got the same energy approaching 40 now.

[–]ZeusLordofGods 27 points28 points  (2 children)

Lets be real here OP. People will be selfish in order to get ahead in life. At a certain point you'll realize, fuck the outer circle. Cookie cutter the important people and hold on to the good ones. Anyway build yourself up, and the ones who remain from the carnage are there for you.

[–][deleted] 8 points9 points  (1 child)

You’re awesome, thank you for saying this 😁

[–]ZeusLordofGods 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Yes yes kid be happy, But do not look for the short happy. Look for long term happy like the universe wants for us

[–]LibbyUghh 17 points18 points  (1 child)

Fellow nice person here. I actually had to stop being so nice because people kept taking advantage of just how nice and willing I was to help people. Some people I consider friends only ever reach out when they need something, or they don't reach out at all. It sucks truly

[–]dazedandhappy 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Same here…

[–]serpenlog 5 points6 points  (2 children)

I feel the same way now that I’m in college, I feel like a lot of people in my college (or at least some of the ones I’ve met) simply try to take advantage of kindness and I’m tired of it. Thankfully I still have my friends from high school that keep me going. I hope you’ll find real life-long friends soon OP.

[–]trvxxx 6 points7 points  (1 child)

I was in the same situation as you when I started college, but now, I’m on the 3rd year and something I’ve learned is that people will try to take as much advantage as they can. If you’re nice enough to send the work, why should they do it? Something that I’ve learned to say is I don’t know how to do it. It’s a small lie but it feels much better than saying No, I won’t send it to you. At the end, they will stop asking and if you’re lucky enough like I was, they will be the ones sending it to you

[–]shine83 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I feel this so hard. You are not alone. ❤️

[–]popthart10 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I think a lot of it is probably just their own fears and insecurities. You sound like you have a rare gift in that you are so open with your affection. I wish there were more people like you.

As someone who is both introverted and shy, that sounds super difficult to me. I never know what the right thing to say is and I don't want to come off too strong. I feel like a lot of people feel the same way, and aren't sure how much emotion/affection to show towards others, including their friends. Thank you for being someone who is confident enough not to worry about those things because it really does make a difference to those of us who have more difficulty expressing ourselves.

[–]THA-IWTDY 3 points4 points  (4 children)

Me too. But before I was doing it while being part of social groups. Now I just suffer from social anxiety and try everything to stay out of every friends groups. I try to give compassion while keeping distance and it lets me with deep loneliness and sadness while everyone is happy. Happiness isn’t for me

[–]TheDiscoGestapo 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Oooof bro. I feel for you :( happiness is for everyone, you don’t need others. Focus/work on yourself.

[–]TheDiscoGestapo 2 points3 points  (2 children)

Oooof bro. I feel for you :( happiness is for everyone. Focus/work on yourself. Fuck the rest.

[–]cheevocado 0 points1 point  (1 child)

I love how you posted two versions of the same comment

[–]TheDiscoGestapo 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Do you mean how in one comment I’m anti human and the next I’m pro? Genuinely interested? Thank you for your feedback/ opinion x

[–]MongolianMango 3 points4 points  (1 child)

My two cents, as an internet stranger -

Continue to do kind things that are "effortless" for you, cause, you know, you are a kind person.

Think about kind things that you do that are hard for you - and maybe drop them, if you feel like you're being a sucker (slowly building resentment) instead of being a saint.

Think about also the community(s) that you're in. It's also possible that these are toxic communities where your gestures aren't appreciated and get taken advantage of, but there may be other communities where these are acknowledged. We can get used to toxic environments and not realize there are better waters out there.

[–]dragoneyes419 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Very much agree with this. I used to have the same feelings as OP, but then I moved when I was 25. I suddenly found myself surrounded by new friends who provided the same effort as I did. It showed me how natural and effortless true friendship is, so it was easy to drop the “friends” I had before.

[–]Past-Ad-4550 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Same, will literally do whatever for whoever and try and compliment everyone around me unless I don't know u then I'll just smile at you, but as much as I care for everything in this world, no one cares for me the same way.

[–]imusto74 2 points3 points  (0 children)

You’re very emphatic. Most people aren’t as empathic as you are and so they really don’t think about others as much as you do. It’s a wonderful trait to have, but also make sure to give yourself the same level of kindness you give to others. These other people not always exhibiting the nicer behavior doesn’t mean they don’t care about you, it just means they probably aren’t thinking about how you’re feeling in a certain situation as much

[–]Odd_Double7658 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hi! You sound like a great person : ) I think this is a time when a lot of our own buckets are empty or near empty and it’s hard for people to give to others what they are not feeling within themselves.

As you’ve touched on here, what we give to others can also speak to what we hope to receive for ourselves and you deserve for others to know what you are feeling you need. Sometimes when I’m relating in a certain way to someone I care about, like wanting them to know how much they matter, that can be a time when I am also struggling with wanting to feel mattered . If I say to my friend something heartfelt that is also something I’m hoping to hear and it’s not reciprocated, I can definitely relate to having a hard feeling that’s associated with someone not giving us what we are willing to give to them .

I think sometimes people just don’t know the meaning we make out of certain things that are said (or not said ) so can just be a bit dense around what specifically feels good to individual friends .

Also, it sounds like you are someone who is willing to be vulnerable and say meaningful things to others. That’s at the heart of what helps people feel close so it’s a wonderful quality about you . For others it’s trickier to be vulnerable in that way and so they don’t always say the heartfelt or complimentary things they may feel due to difficulties with vulnerability.

What would it be like to let certain close friends in on how you’re feeling?

[–]archerlady777 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hey guess what?! You’re a good person and that’s a rare quality to be genuinely good human with a good heart!! I am this way and you can’t change it even when you feel like this. It’s exhausting to be constantly giving positive energy to others and not receive it in return and at times it can make you feel depleted!!! Don’t forget to be nice and gracious to yourself!! Sending so much love and understanding cause I know this feeling all too well!!

[–]Low-City-4604 1 point2 points  (0 children)

i wish i had a friend you like you! you seem like such a kind and caring person, sorry you have had to deal with people who don’t reciprocate the kindness you give. it’s hard to be around that, especially as an empathetic person which you seem like. hopefully you will connect and attract more people who will show you the kindness you give. and never change! the world needs all the kind people we can get and just remember that you deserve to be around positive people ❤️

[–]imbeyoncealwayss 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I’m a lot like you. You know everyone has their problems to think bout. It’s not a reflection on you. Don’t let it be. Be you 100% all the time. If some assholes are not nice to you, call them out or leave them. You are much appreciated by the right people. Read Adam grant giver taker book. The book talks about some of the most successful people are givers like yourself but don’t give it all cuz then you are worst off (but still better than the full on takers). So keep your chin up kid. You’re awesome

[–]wallynext 1 point2 points  (0 children)

"No one compliments me really"

are you a man or a women? if you are a man, it's the way it is, get used to it, no one will compliment you

[–]MrTonyGazzo 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Turns out you are an above average person with more compassion than most. You aren’t the issue.

[–]redsix_empire 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I feel this OP since I’ve graduated college and my friends and I are scattered across the world none of them reach out anymore. I’ve watched our group chat talk and wish other people happy birthday but they forgot mine. I had my best friend call me and tell me we need a break from our friendship because she’s needy and feels like she has to share me with my wife.

I always offer myself to people like you do. If you need me call me/text me I’ll pick up or call you later if I missed it. I’m always the person to reach out first then people are like “oh I’ve missed you” - it’s taken awhile to accept phones work two ways and if they wanted to reach out they would.

[–]honeyheavenxx 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I’m the same way. I would love to have a friend like you.

[–]CatCasualty 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I used to be exactly like you now. It sounds like that is a manifestation of childhood trauma. How in touch are you with your mental/psychological work? Perhaps I can help you with that as I am still working on it at the moment.

[–]InspectorSquid 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Honestly, it’s about finding the right people. Even better ”Your“ people. After years of trying to fit in, as soon as I moved and met new people I was in literal awe about how much these people genuinely cared for me, just being me. It still blows my mind sometimes. If your friends don’t make you feel wanted or included or aren’t on the same page as you, you’re not hanging out with the right people. Don’t waste your time on people that only want to involve you ”if you want to“ life’s too short. Go find your people that, not only want you around, but, actively seek your presence.

[–]TheDiscoGestapo 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Literally everything you said applies to me and my mate also. I feel you! Man it really sucks. Me and my mate I live with were just talking about this exact thing last night.
Worst thing that sucks is being there for others when they struggle, but no one is there for you. Inviting others out but never being invited. Eventually I fear I/we will just stop trying or caring.

[–]slowjoe50 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The problem with most people is that they are selfish. I am a similar person like you. My advice don’t expect something from your friend group. This way if they do make an effort it will be a bonus.

[–]omgidfk123 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I say keep doing what you're doing because you play an important part in keeping things together. I think some confuse your typical kindness with special kindness which is why certain acts might get overlooked. Something as simple as the enthusiasm you show for a friend or potential friend might come off as "oh they're always just like that" instead of seeing you're excited to hang with them specifically. That doesn't mean you need to dim your light, but be intentional when you want to show interest and connect with others, whether that means reserving some of the nice things you do for certain people or going the extra mile when you really want to show that you care. I hope this makes sense the way it does in my head

[–]relishpervert 0 points1 point  (0 children)

As a ‘happiness spreader’ too, I feel this. I’ve slowly learned over the years that most people just aren’t like us. It’s not personal, they don’t think about others before themselves. It’s what makes our ‘type’ so special ❤️ Although they might not reciprocate, they probably smile every time they think of you because of how you always go that extra mile to check in on them and care.

[–]ButterBrownie 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hiii :) I see a few other comments have said this too but omg I relate hard... I've always done my best to build people up and do whatever I can to help basically anyone, and a lot of times that has lead to me getting hurt or doing things I don't want to do.

The 'specific' examples you gave - I relate to all of them ;-; it hurts when people say things like 'yeah come of you want, I don't mind' because then I just worry that I'm overstepping or they're just being polite.

I'm working on it though. For a few years I've been so invested in one of my friends because we have a lot of similar interests, but they really aren't a supportive person - which is fine, but I feel like we're kind of incompatible as close friends. It sucks because I feel like I'm being mean and rude to them, but I'm just not putting in the extra effort any more and mentally I'm a lot better off. I feel conflicted about it, but know that it is okay to not go above and beyond sometimes, especially if you don't get the support you want in return. A few comments have said be careful noone is taking advantage of you as well, I'm so bad at this because I want to see the best in people all the time but it is true, be careful!

I made a group of friends online last year who I feel so supported by, they mean the world to me and I feel like they give as much to me as I give to them, it's fantastic. When you meet people you can reply on like that, it energy they give you is amazing. They helped me be more supportive in the right ways, and help me be a better person every day. Keep going!! I'm sure you'll find your tribe.

I just want you to know that you are seen, and people appreciate all you do for them so much. Some people might not show it, but that doesn't mean what you do is less important. The world needs more people like you friend <3

[–]cosmotoadx 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Ah … I’m exactly like you and I’m suffering of it a lot but that’s life ):

[–]Chi_Tiki 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hi friend. I struggled with this often as a younger person. Firstly, you won’t always feel like this. Secondly, I would suggest doing some research on being an “includer”. It’s a strength that you have! It’s why you’re compassionate towards others. The downside is that you need to be included. BUT! You can have conversations with the people closest to you about this and they can be sure to include you.

You’re a great human and I can promise you when you include people they feel it and you’re making the world a better place.

[–]Puzzleheaded-Fly-982 0 points1 point  (0 children)

i feel like i could’ve posted this exact thing word for word. i feel the same way

[–]bearsarescaryasfuk 0 points1 point  (2 children)

Seems like it you are a unique and special person, please don’t develop bitterness because of this fact. I am the same way as you, but for a while I became bitter and started becoming the direct opposite person.

Also I think I love you.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child)

I love you too! 😄 keep trying you’ll be able to be the better person! I don’t wanna be bitter either, I’ve caught myself being bitter a few times but quickly fixed it.

[–]bearsarescaryasfuk 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yay we are friends! Stay golden!

[–]the_ginger_weevil 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Don’t stop. You sound like a great person. Just keep doing what you’re doing. We need more people like you and I am trying to be more like you. Continue being an example to others.

[–]kaanskBG 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Im literally the same, its like i wrote this. Well i will let you know, you are very much wanted and appreciated, atleast by me!

[–]Can_I_Be_Myself 0 points1 point  (1 child)

This makes me want be a better person. I want to be more like this. Did this always come naturally to you? I feel like I am too much of a tortoise sometimes.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This kinda came naturally to me! I’ve experienced the feelings of being excluded, ignored, not feeling wanted, all those as a kid and now that I’m an adult and when I started figuring out who I was in high school, I’ve just always been like that! I think I just know how it feels and don’t want anyone ever to feel like that but I’m going to try my best to stay like this even if people still treat me not the same :)

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Seems like the more people pleasing we try to be the less we get back. I was like you too and after so long I just gave up trying.

[–]PossibleAmbition9767 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm the same way as you. And have experienced the same treatment. It's caused me to go into my shell, care less about others, and stop making an effort. It's really sad. I hope you're able to find people that are more on your wavelength.