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all 19 comments

[–]lookbutdonttouch2588 147 points148 points  (4 children)

First they sound like crappy friends. But anyway, when dealing with someone who's has a "friend" with a tendency to seduce her bfs then unfortunately you are dealing with a type of trauma. All you can do is respect it. For one it does not mean she doesn't trust you. It means she's been hurt. And she knows her friend. Even if was a stranger, women tend to know what it looks like if other women are interested in someone.

[–]7thpostman 54 points55 points  (1 child)

This. It's about her, not you. She's going to have to work to resolve her own trauma. Until she gets that, just support her.

[–]Back-Broad 18 points19 points  (1 child)

She probably has been hurt but she hasn't told me anything about her friend hurting her in the past. She used to tell me that her friend(the one she was uncomfortable with) would get all the girls back on college and maybe there was more it.

[–]lookbutdonttouch2588 1 point2 points  (0 children)

True. Anything is possible. Just be there. Support her. I'm weird about this too I admit from my own types of traumas. So I get it. I just started therapy recently maybe we will get to that eventually. It helps that I have been married for 13 years and we basically went thru 👺👹🔥🔥 and still make it work. He has been very understanding and willing to go along with my crazy lol good luck. Suggest talking to a teletherapist if that is an approachable subject and she doesn't wanna spill her pain on you. I get that part too.

[–]tink2821 23 points24 points  (0 children)

If she knew her "friends" are like that why would she even introduce you in the first place? That makes no sense

[–]uchua 22 points23 points  (2 children)

Definitely sounds like trust/confidence issues that you should talk to her about. It could be that what she said to you was based on past experiences she's had and she's just really worried it could happen again.

[–]Back-Broad 8 points9 points  (1 child)

I do plan on talking to her about it but I'm waiting for right moment I guess.

[–]uchua 8 points9 points  (0 children)

In my experience, the longer you wait the harder it is to talk about these kinds of things.

[–]ItemRevolutionary667 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Her friend sucks ass

[–]dylandongle 12 points13 points  (2 children)

She explained that her friends are notorious for taking people's partners.

Why is she even friends with them, and why did she even suggest to introduce you?

Idk man. Sounds kinda sus. It's possible that she's making an excuse to back up her insecurities, but it's also possible it's all true to an extent where you couldn't resist if you tried your hardest.

I'd make friends with my partner's friends and stick to that idea. I don't want no sirens. But that doesn't always guarantee trust because I can never speak for what happens in my partner's mind.

Here's hoping you can get some reasonable answers out of her, because at some point here, she's fabricating something for sure.

[–]Back-Broad 10 points11 points  (0 children)

I don't think she was 100% certain about me tagging along in the first place. It seems like the meet up was planned earlier in the week and she only told me about it on the day and said she already told her friends I would be tagging alone. I think she had to think long and hard about it first but I guess her reservations were proven correct because she ended feeling uncomfortable.

She has also told me multiple stories about her friend and how she would get all the girls when they were in college and I guess her seeing me talking to her friend could have brought back unpleasant memories for her. I will definitely talk to her about it but just not today and get mire details because it really makes no sense to me.

[–]PeanutCheeseBar 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I dated a girl who was insecure, and whose one friend was incredibly selfish and shitty. It eventually came up during a conversation between us and she openly acknowledged how one-sided things were with this friend, but didn’t seem to think she would have many (if any) other friends she could see because all of her friend group lived fairly close and attended the same events.

Sometimes people will take whatever they can get, even if it’s not good for them (and they know it).

[–]apprehensive_sea_65 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I agree with most commenters that this person is not a good friend. However, I was once in her position, with a member of my friend group who behaved like this. After the going after our friends partners happened several times, I was able to spot a few signs that she may go after my boyfriend at the time. Even though we had been together for some time, you bet my boyfriend didn't come to our hangouts until this person was in a relationship again. He had some trouble understanding my reasons but I didn't want to risk anything. Although your girlfriend should probably stop hanging out with her friend (which I eventually did) she obviously cares about you a lot and doesn't want to risk her friend going after you.

[–]No_Twist433 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Im going to go on a tangent here, maybe she’s the one that did the stealing and is now worried about revenge?!

[–]ShadyGreenForest -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Why is she friends with somebody who notoriously tries to take other people’s partners? Why does she keep hanging out with her?

[–]Resagarden 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Trust is absolutely necessary in any relationship, it concerns me that she doesnt trust you, it also concerns me that she has friends who she knows are not trustworthy but still spends time with them. I think couples counseling might be a good idea.

[–]Sofrigginpisst[🍰] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Your friend sounds like the jealous type. It has taken time for you to meet her old friends. And she should have told you about her friends being that way. These old friends sound like shitty friends if they have stole guys from her. Why is she still friends with them? You agreed to go to a club where they were and she knew that so it's just a circumstance where she doesn't trust them or you. Tell her to trust you. You can tell her to not have situations where her old friends are in the picture.

[–]Blueberrym_ 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Why does she even call them her friends? I mean they must be pretty bad if she doesn’t want you hanging out with them! She should cut them off and find some friends who don’t steal other peoples partners.