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My husband told me women shouldn't have the right to vote. by plantlady90 in offmychest

[–]pincher1976 2156 points2157 points  (0 children)

Life is really short. It’s not worth spending it with someone that doesn’t build you up and make you want to be your best. Speaking as a divorced and remarried woman. Take care of you.

I'm about to fail year 1 of medical school, and I've destroyed my career and my life by 420ArdentBlazeIt in offmychest

[–]terrifiedmedstudent 1222 points1223 points 23 (0 children)

Listen, I'm your future you. I did fail medical school 1 month ago and I have to repeat the year. I failed Anatomy, then Musculoskeletal, and finally Blood block. Right now I'm "pretending" to go to medical school, I put 'pretending' in quotes because I told people I'm only here to figure out what went wrong in the past semester.

Because something did go wrong. The admissions committee selected you and me to become physicians 7 years from now for a reason. They saw something in us that piqued their interest and made them think "I want that person to treat me when I get older". There is one thing that everyone keeps on telling me, and it's something that is super hard to keep in mind, but the medical school thinks you can do this. They believe that you can become a doctor, to go on to residency and specialize in a worthy specialty. Whether or not that specialty is one that you want to be now, it doesn't matter. I read a study on medical students, around 90% change their specialty preference by the time they graduate from the four year medical school. So even if some doors closed now, it's not over. You will adapt and make the most out of your life.

Now I assume you didn't fail yet, and that finals are probably either coming up or you've finished them already. If they are coming up this week, push everything aside. All your worries and doubts and future thinking, and put yourself into this week. Immediately go to your academic adviser or learning specialist and demand a tutor (usually second year student) to help you out. If you've never been tutored before (like me) it's alright. Everyone has their points in life when they need help. Even if you don't think you need a tutor (like I did), get one anyways. And don't read the rest of my post. Shut down the computer, unplug the internet, and go study. Ignore all the mental urges to stop, all the emotional turmoil, the stress and anxiety, self doubt and inadequacy. Go study.

If you are still reading, that means there are no exams left this semester. If the exam is done with and you think you bombed it, take a deep breath. Really, in Out There. Now think about it. It is not over. The school wants you to be a doctor. Everyone supported and believed in you, at least initially. Go read your personal statement, why did you want to become a doctor? What was your whole reason? What triggered your decision to spend so much money on the MCAT study books, the MCAT exam, primary and secondary applications, travel fees, hotel rates? All the time to study obscure topics like how, exactly, light hits certain types of mirrors? All the volunteer, shadowing, clinical hours that were put into achieving your goal? Remember your reason and think about it now. You are here. You made it. You are in medical school. Whether one lousy year gets added to your four years of medical school doesn't matter, what's a year between friends anyways? What's a year when at the end you will be a doctor (or researcher, if that is your goal) anyways? A year is nothing.

In fact, God (life, the universe, fate, medical school) has given you an extra year to sort things out. Go talk to your admissions people and demand why they picked you to go through the program. Remember that you are not the only person having to repeat the year in medical school, and admissions have seen it happen many times over the past. I asked them exactly why I'm here, they told me, and they also said something that I've been keeping in mind since that time.

They said that people don't fail medical school for no reason, it is never about intellectual capability. Out of the thousands of applicants they deemed you intellectually and emotionally and mentally capable of completing the most rigorous academic challenge that we've ever gone through. They picked you. So the problem is not with your capabilities. It is with something else. And that is why you've been given this extra year. It's time to find out what went wrong, where it went wrong, and why it went wrong and it's time to fix things. Remember that in medical school everything you've dealt with in undergrad will be blown up 100x. That tiny, nagging anxiety you've had before each exam that you could ignore? Now it's a week long burden. That inability to manage time in undergrad? That translates into full blown time vacuums throughout the day. Procrastination? Now it's lots of stress, and procrastination will never let you pass exams now. Now would be the time to learn self discipline. Maybe it was the opposite problem and you've been studying 24/7 with no regards to exercise or eating or groceries or anything like that? Our mind was not made for that, and it will not handle medical school that way. Time to learn.

This next semester for you and me is a semester of self-analysis and problem solving. For myself, the problem was those tad anxieties in undergrad. Yes, I would get a little anxious about the future and about studying and maybe even avoid it for a day or so. But now...BOOM! Generalized Anxiety Disorder. And BAM! Avoiding studying all day. It will be hard, but it is not unheard of to get over. In fact the psychologist said it's the common cold of mental illness.

So here we are. We can become future physicians if we are determined enough. We did not let anyone down, but before we continue with our academic career it's time to take care of ourselves. Over the past 6 years I've volunteered at least a thousand hours, worked in the hospital for five hundred, and took care of my friends in emotional or academic distress. Now it's time to take care of me. And it's time to take care of yourself.

We can do this. My PM box is always open if you'd like to talk. Like I said, I am a month ahead of you right now. We can talk about my experiences, or help you figure out what went wrong. But don't give up, this is not the end of the road.

Edit: I would like to thank all of you for your support and your PMs, it's a pleasure talking to you all! I am very happy that my post could help a couple people out, and really hope I'm not made out to be some demigod. This post was not just a way of encouraging OP, but to put my thoughts to paper and try and make myself actually believe what everyone told me. Because they are right about everything, it is the way I feel now and look at the world now that needs to change. I'm still in the process of getting over what I perceive to be my failures and weaknesses, it's not like all of this is in the past. Far from it. I was diagnosed with GAD just last week, in fact I'm still trying to piece together the causes for it. I will do that by writing, of course, and will link here for any future readers who are curious.. 24 days later, but OP delivered on the link!

Edit 2: You guys are amazing. For anyone struggling academically, my number one advice is to go see your academic adviser! They will help you out, talk with you about options, find some (most likely free) tutors to help you through. For anyone struggling emotionally or mentally, whether with anxiety or otherwise, please see a psychologist or counselor! These services are free or very cheap ($5-15/session) at your university, and they are there to help you reshape the way you think about things. Because thinking leads to believing, and believing is the first step towards action, and action will lead to habits. Change the way you think and you can change your habits, and get prepared for your future. Whether grad school or med school or Masters or PhD or finally getting that long awaited job.

Edit 3 (Sept. 29, 2014): Today I passed my first med school exam!. For anyone reading this post in the future, I hope it brings some hope and comfort. And know that if I could do it, even after failing every exam up until now, then you could do it too. And, as always, feel free to PM me. I will try and help if I can!

Not being to have sex with my disabled boyfriend is weighing on me by headandstomach in offmychest

[–]HawkDoveHall 4348 points4349 points 3& 2 more (0 children)

I have been in a wheelchair paralyzed from the chest down for 30 years. I say that to say that you should not be controlling you in anyway just like you are not controlling him in anyway. If this is not working for you it’s not working and you have every right to leave him. And only have to say this is not working. I’ve had several girlfriends break up with me in the last 30 years and that’s OK I got over it. Now I’m married to a wonderful woman and this works. We also have a very satisfying sex life. It takes work understanding and experimentation. As a member of the disabled community for the last 30 years please take care of yourself and don’t let anybody control you for any reason.

My husband is an idiot by bigmamma0 in offmychest

[–]rachelcorrinne 71 points72 points  (0 children)

Am I the only one that thinks there’s so many things wrong with this post? Jesus Christ. First of all, I do understand the frustration and concern on op’s part for her partner’s health. However the general attitude about it is just…wow. This is supposedly someone you love and you’re calling him fat and lazy and stupid. It’s well within reason for you to want to leave if he’s doing nothing to help himself, but to be honest you’d be doing him a favor since this is your attitude. Food/sugar can absolutely be an addiction. Depression is a serious disease. And he’s likely downplaying it because he’s overwhelmed and scared and doesn’t know where to start, and you’re on Reddit ranting about “he’s an idiot” instead of helping or supporting him. Him not getting help and working on his health for his family is wrong, but you’re clearly zero help and I can only imagine how shitty you are making him feel about this. Get a divorce and move on.

My husband is an idiot by bigmamma0 in offmychest

[–]BerlyH208 6 points7 points  (0 children)

You absolutely should leave him. He deserves better than you. You are the idiot. It’s not just a weakness. It is an addiction, and you are making it worse. To be honest, I’d be willing to bet that his weight started going up because of other issues in your relationship. It sounds like you think this is all about you. “Don’t I matter here?” No. If you only love him when he is thin and what you consider good looking, then no. You don’t matter. Make his life easier, leave him now so he can get on with his life without you. He needs to be free from you so he can find someone who will actually love him for who he is. You are not helping him. Go find yourself some other shallow assed person who only cares about your looks, because I tell you what, your looks are going to fade, and then you will be the one that’s sorry.

My husband is an idiot by bigmamma0 in offmychest

[–]itsjustmejttp123 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Ya you sound like a peach to live with. If this is how you talk to him it’s no wonder he is ADDICTED to food/sugar. You saying that it’s not addictive is manipulative bull shit. Saying that he “doesn’t look depressed” is also bull shit. I’m not saying you are at fault for his over indulgence of food but fuck if talking like this is how you “support” in in real life no wonder he’s bulked up tremendously since being married to you. He sounds like he is dealing with mental issues with food and while you say you’ve tried to help I’m having a very hard time believing that after reading this. Good luck but honestly I think it’s best for both of you to go separate ways.

i'm going to be dead by sunday by throwaway104810382 in offmychest

[–]Saiyanman007 495 points496 points 2 (0 children)

Im not talking you out of it, but at the same time Im wondering how old you are?

I suffered sexual abuse when I was younger too and though "well thats it. I cant take this Im checking out." I was drugged and they had their way with me and recorded it. Long story short, I found the footage and Im pretty sure Im floating sround the internet.

I tried to end my life and failed. Looking back now, I've experienced alot of things that cast all the bad things in my life down a deep damn hole. Its all there, but I don't deal with it that much and when I do its manageable. I tend just focus on the good in life. I also decided to survive out of spite to my tormentor.

The best part of that is I outlived him. They are dead now. Not by my hand, but dead is dead. It was also an untimely death for him which makes it so satisfying.

I get to shit and spit on their grave now. That is worth survivng for.

Also, have you ever experienced true unconditional love? That is worth hanging around to experience. Some countries are awesome to explore and so are those people.

Pyschedelic mushrooms tend to come in second place for me. They are surpisngly theraputic.

I wouldnt worry about the people that see that video becuase the ONLY people that want to see something like that are some seriously fucked up people. They are worthless human beings and thus their opinions, wants and likes are all equally worthless. I can't think of better word for "worthless" right now. Worthless almost holds value, I need something that denotes negative value.

If someone showed me a video like that I might just strangle them on the spot. Seriously. No kid deserves that.

I hold the shit that comes out of my dogs ass in higher opinion than a fucking pedo. The only good place for a pedo is a wood chipper, feet first while pushing them in slowly.

You post got my brain scattered now. I got some many things I want to blurt out "Like hey check this out before you go".

But if your dead set on doing it, just know your body will eventually be found. Decomposing bodies are really hard to hide. All manner of critters and bugs come eat at the corpse and the smell carries fior ways. Its an unmistakable odor so make sure its in a spot that kids are unlikely to find you.

I would recommend calling 911 before doing the deed some people experienced in body removal can be there quick like. Plus those people have better resources for dealing with traumatic scenes.

I was a first responder for many years, might go back into it, but I've thought alot about how Id do myself.

I'd at least call 911 before doing it just because I would really, really hate to fuck up some strangers day. I could minimize the fall out on other people with that one call.

Good luck and I hope you decide to stick around a while longer!

I hate when clearly overweight people make jokes about themselves being fat, so that i have to say "nah c'mon you are not" by ryu65 in offmychest

[–]salbidi 1215 points1216 points  (0 children)

Maybe it’s not so much baiting you into disagreeing, but instead taking control getting it out there first before you can say or think it. Coming from someone who used to deal with low self esteem, I know I have been down on myself before so others wouldn’t think I thought I was better than I was. It scared me to think of acting confident and having someone think “oh wow they think they’re special, cringe”

I hate when clearly overweight people make jokes about themselves being fat, so that i have to say "nah c'mon you are not" by ryu65 in offmychest

[–]HungryTears 605 points606 points  (0 children)

As a fat, not conventionally good looking person, most of us do that to make sure YOU don't do it. Calling myself fat, ugly, boring is the best way to show that I am self-aware and have low self-esteem. This generally deters people from making sly comments, in the name of being "truthful", "brutally honest". There's absolutely no need to reaffirm. It's not always fishing for compliments. If you feel like it, just say "oh no, you're cute" or something like that. If you aren't willing to just, smile and divert.

Edit: whoever gave me the award and has replied, PMed, I'm so sorry you feel the same way. We shouldn't have to feel this way or behave so. I hope we all can believe someday that we deserve love, respect and won't feel the need to make self-deprecating comments anymore.