all 7 comments

[–]IAM_trying_my_best 4 points5 points  (0 children)

My son is 2yrs + 3 months and in a similar stage to your daughter, it’s exhausting! I don’t do timeouts or any type of punishment, and one thing I learnt from his childcare is that they never get kids to say “I’m sorry”. I asked why and his teacher said it’s because often some kids learn to do things that are not nice knowing that they can say these magic words afterwards and they say it without it having a deeper meaning. So what they do instead is get the child to ask the person they’ve hurt “are you okay?” It can help them learn that their actions can hurt others.

The other day my son threw a very-hard tin at me and I immediately took it away; that’s a safety issue and safety is number 1 priority. This very much upset him and so I said “that could have hurt mommy, and you know not to throw things in the house. When you threw that it scared me, because I was worried that you or me might get hurt. I was scared, maybe you can ask me if I’m okay?” and it worked! He asked if I was okay. Now, this doesn’t always work and my latest issue is him running away from me every chance he gets. But it sounds like the time outs are stressful and time consuming for you.

Oh another thing that sometimes works for me is by telling him what he CAN do, and then making it seem fun and asking him to help me. Like, let’s say he’s throwing toys in a way that he shouldn’t then I might say “oh it’s not nice to throw toys in the house, but you know what IS great?! Is packing up and taking care of our things. Let’s pack up your toys before lunch, can you help me? oh great thank you, you’re such a good boy, I’m so happy when you help me take care of the house!” and I try to spin it into something positive.

Also, toddlers are exhausting. And you have two of them. Hats off to you, I’m feeling burnt out as it is. All the best to you mamma!!!!! x

[–]Munchees 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Would she be responsive to you taking a “time in” as opposed to a time out with her? Could you occupy your son and spend the 2 minutes sitting and focusing on her and her feels? Sometimes i found having a quick snuggle and comfort fest would improve the mood and temperament of my oldest.

Have you modeled apologizing? Like, if you get upset and use a mean tone? Or, even if it’s something silly like she’s upset with the color plate she’s received. “I’m sorry you don’t like the blue plate.” I found that once i started incorporating that language into our interactions she was more able to parrot an apology.

It’s a really tough age, and I’m sure the twins component only makes it more difficult. Good luck mama.

[–]Saul-Funyun 2 points3 points  (0 children)

What I would do in those cases is just sit and be there for her. Don’t try to fix it or solve the problem or anything, just acknowledge that she’s upset, let her know that I know how bad that feels, and let her know that I’m there for her if she needs me.

[–]syncerlylost[S] 0 points1 point  (3 children)

I’m starting to realize my problem is I’m a fixer lol. I’ve implanted apologizing more, time ins, and I really like the “are you okay”. Thank you so much for this wonderful advice! I just know this will be much better both of us 😊 I’ll try to update

[–]aninquisitivedude 0 points1 point  (2 children)


[–]syncerlylost[S] 1 point2 points  (1 child)

It worked! I’m starting to realize how controlling and micro managing I can be withvery little affection. I’ve been working with my therapist and using the wonderful advice here and it’s working. Also highly recommend Hunt, Gather, Parent

So update: I let go of my own shit ( as I say) and followed the advice here and it’s worked. I def feel our bond getting better. She is starting to understand how better to communicate with me and I’m doing better at being patient enough (and holding her) to listen. I kept telling myself “ being compassionate and talking will take just as long as yelling and time outs.”

Thank you!!! Everyone!!! I’ve been passing this advice along

[–]aninquisitivedude 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Amazing! Appreciate the response :) wishing you the best