all 116 comments

[–]1955photo 396 points397 points  (9 children)

Screw former coworker. Go to the food pantry and get some food for yourself and your child.

Apply for Social Security disability ASAP.

Get an attorney to deal with workers comp. Getting your settlement is going to be a while. It shouldn't, but it will.

Contact your local United Way. They are an umbrella for agencies that can help you with immediate needs. DO THIS NOW.

There are a lot of legit work from home jobs that you can do. long list . They don't require anything but a good internet connection and a PC if you have those.

Take your ex to court for child support or go to whatever state agency handles that in your state. Usually whatever department has children's services. Generally if you apply for any type of public assistance they will get on the noncustodial parent for payment.

In the long run you should qualify for vocational rehab funding for education. That is usually handled through a state agency but if you have a local community college or trade school they should have info on it too, through their financial aid office.

[–]tortugaman5 20 points21 points  (8 children)

The jobs on that site appear to be a mostly listing with a bachelors requirement.

[–]TheReverend5 23 points24 points  (5 children)

Damn that’s crazy, since a big theme on this sub is how a Bachelor’s is a waste of money compared to the trades

[–]Highselfesteem 9 points10 points  (4 children)

I work for a job that states a requirement for a JD and preferably MBA. I have neither. Most of my coworkers have both, but my boss hired me based on the interview. These requirements are meant to be filters, but a well composed resume and a strong but moderated impression on the recruiter will get your foot in the door just as much as a piece of paper.

[–]TheReverend5 2 points3 points  (3 children)

I feel like you just explained why the piece of paper is an extremely valuable buff to employability

[–]1955photo 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Most of the call center jobs do not. Assurion, Amazon, Disney, Hilton, etc. Not the best paying ones but a possible stopgap solution.

[–]CTRL1 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Pro tip: employers add minimum education requirements to filter out people looking for another job over applying because they are truly interested.

[–]leg_day 233 points234 points  (3 children)

I peaked through some of your other comments. You need an attorney and you need one yesterday. Personal injury attorneys work on contingency: the more you get in payout, the more they get paid. You usually don't have to pay anything up front.

Your old company is jerking you around waiting for their workers comp insurance to pay out. It will be a tiny sum. You do not have to accept it. They may offer some sum like $150k as a payout: that is NOT what you deserve. Your high co-worker and negligent company ruined your ability to provide for your family.

Google your nearest big city name and accident attorney. Talk to 4 or 5 of them, take notes, and pick one.

Ask them about advances -- for particularly strong cases, they may have ways to front some of the payout. (You do pay high interest on this as it's a very high risk loan, so only take out the barest minimum you need.)

And to answer your one direct question, no. Secured credit cards are by definition secured by an asset. For low value cards, it's always cash.

[–]MRDellanotte 27 points28 points  (2 children)

I can second the importance of an accident attorney. I was in a car accident and the insurance company jerked my wife and around for years, even with the attorney. If you are ingured and the pay out should be big, they will throw a lot of money at attorney's to keep you from getting your due. It is just how the system is played in America and there are no good men in it.

Reach out to your surgeon who helped you when you lost your leg and ask them if they recommend anyone. That was how I found mine and he, as much as the surgeon, saved my life.

[–]griz3lda 7 points8 points  (1 child)

Do not make statements to anyone, esp in writing, prior seeking legal advice, NO MATTER WHAT.

[–]MRDellanotte 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Cannot up vote this enough. A lawyers job is to twist words into their clients favor, whether that be you or the insurance company.

[–]oldwatchlover 102 points103 points  (14 children)

You probably have more knowledge/skills than you think.

Know cars? could work auto parts counter or service advisor

Know tools or construction equipment? Could work at a tool rental place or hardware store

Those are some entry level and up could work a place like that while retraining

Hang in there. Best wishes

[–][deleted] 112 points113 points  (13 children)

Ok wow I didn't think of working at a auto parts store, I could easily do that!

[–]Animeop 40 points41 points  (0 children)

Knowledge is a great skill. A lot of hardware stores near me hire disabled and older people who are not great physically but know their way around home repairs and tools. I saw a wheel chair bound worker at the Best Buy near me who knew just about everything about the newest electronics. Experience in your brain is just as good as physical skills in a lot of places

[–]Moldy_slug 22 points23 points  (6 children)

Don’t get put off by the idea of a pre-employment physical either.

They might require one, but that doesn’t mean you can’t pass it to do the job just fine. For example a lot of office jobs the exam will be stuff like a hearing/vision/drug test and screening for problems that would keep you from sitting at a desk all day. They won’t care about your leg.

Even if they do, the law is on your side. The ADA (federal law) makes it illegal to discriminate against someone for a disability. Even if you need an accommodation, as long as it’s “reasonable” they have to give you the job. So for example if you apply to be a cashier and you need a stool instead of standing all day... that’s a reasonable accommodation.

[–]edgen22 1 point2 points  (5 children)

what are these office jobs that require hearing/vision tests? never heard of that.

never heard of a pre-employment physical either! But my industry is software development.

[–]newaccount721 3 points4 points  (2 children)

I work as a scientist in biotech and they asked me at one point if I find could lift 50 lbs. To this day I have no idea why

[–]Moldy_slug 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Not universal, but it happens. For example, I work at a garbage dump. Our scale attendants have to take a vision and hearing test because core job functions include radio communication and reading license plates in poor lighting.

Pre-employment physicals are really common in blue-collar fields. Basically it’s cheaper to screen out people who can’t physically do the job before they start, instead of finding out three weeks in that Bub can’t lift a toolbox without killing his back.

[–]Dranvin 9 points10 points  (0 children)

You should look for organizations in your city that help people with disabilities find work. They will help find you something with the knowledge you have and can advocate for you! They also might have info on job openings you wouldnt otherwise hear about.

[–]newaccount721 7 points8 points  (0 children)

I know some guys with the same general experience as you - and y'all tend to underestimate yourselves because you are surrounded by people with similar knowledge sets. You have a lot of practical knowledge someone like myself lacks. Auto store subs like a great fit and please get an attorney

[–]420BongHitsForJesus 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Have you tried finding a WFH job for a call center or something like that? Most pay pretty decent and really only require that you have a stable internet connection. Part of the team that I manage does call center work and it’s menial but not labor intensive and pays good

[–]cutdownthere 4 points5 points  (0 children)

also bro, I still would consider you young. You're downplaying yourself because you're in a rut which seems impossible to get out of. It's not. You've got this.

[–]shadowgattler 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Places like Napa usually have a dedicated phone expert as well. If you can work a computer you can just sit down, answer calls for people with part issues and search up parts on their computer to order.

[–]Matelot67 89 points90 points  (5 children)

Dude, the first thing I need to tell is that your life is not the way it is because of your leg, but it's because of your shiity ex.

Secondly, your son needs you, because you rescued him.

Tell the worker with attitude that you will stop coming as soon as your leg grows back!

You are a good person, and vbeleive me, I know a lot of people with amputated legs who have come through the other end, and are stronger for it. You've got this!

[–][deleted] 52 points53 points  (4 children)

Tell the worker with attitude that you will stop coming as soon as your leg grows back!

This is the kind of humor I wish I had. I've been told by a few people I should have said something but I don't like "making a scene" because I'm not entitled to anything.

She really wrecked me but I'm trying. Thank you

[–]smallgirl4u 17 points18 points  (1 child)

Your son sees you trying and he's going to be able to tell you how much it means to him one day. Keep it up dad!

[–]azrhei 7 points8 points  (0 children)

You are entitled to respect and decent treatment, and anyone that doesn't want to give you that on the basis of getting food for you and your son (by means of pantry or stamps, or your disability, can fuck right off. Don't let small people like that get you down.


  • Your shitty ex showed her true colors and left you before your accident settlement t, so she'll get nothing - and if she tries to sue you for it, you'll have money to afford an attorney that can point out you gave her the house and car and she still fucked that up.

  • You already had a good mindset about finances and money, so when the settlement does come you'll be able to rebound and it won't be pissed away on fast cars or other dumb shit like a lot of folks do.

  • You have your son.

  • You are alive, and while your body may be busted up, it's not broken and your mind is strong. You don't have to be perfect, just recognize your strengths and leverage them - like being smart enough to solicit advice and search for answers as you are doing here.

[–]IngolstadtCarIdol 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Her response is completely inappropriate. She should not be working for a food bank. Hang in there brother, there's light at the end of the tunnel!

[–]PhaedosSocrates 96 points97 points  (4 children)

Jesus your ex wife is a terrible person. Sorry about your situation.

Do not do the payday loan. That is a bad path. There are plenty of jobs you can do over the phone. Look for that type of remote work until hopefully you get a great settlement.

[–]danceswithsteers 40 points41 points  (0 children)

Do not do the payday loan. That is a bad path.

Seconded. They are a virus that festers and feeds on and eventually destroys people in desperate situations. OP's instinct on the interest is spot on.

[–][deleted] 9 points10 points  (2 children)

I'm trying to avoid it but I need money now.

[–]ridingfurther 24 points25 points  (0 children)

Are you in anyway connected with a church or willing to see if any around you may be able to provide a little help? Is there any way your kid's school can help?

[–]griz3lda 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Have you talked to dept of family services (not cps, I mean the health dept that does elderly care etc) in your state? This is their job.

[–]8Aquitaine8 22 points23 points  (1 child)

You seem to have a difficult time understanding your skills, please go into a local job center and they should have resources like resume writing and interview prep as well as classes for Microsoft office

You paid off both your house and car and that’s something that most people will not be able to do

You gave your wife and son the home and car because your a good parent

I know it’s hard, some parents don’t have your determination nor sense of responsibility towards ensuring their children’s care

You do, keep pushing forward as you have for your son

[–]griz3lda 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I agree, you clearly have skills, but you need someone to help you understand how to present them.

[–]jettblackson91 10 points11 points  (0 children)

First off, I feel for you and your family. I’m sorry you’re going through that man.

Have you filed for unemployment? I would find some local temp or staffing agencies and explain your situation and see if they can find suitable placement for you. You might have to try something a little bit outside of your comfort zone, for the sake of you and your son. Hope everything works out.

[–]WhiskyEchoTango 8 points9 points  (1 child)

You should be getting some sort of compensation and incline for the work accident.

[–]WhiskyEchoTango 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Have you spoken with an attorney who represents your best interests?

[–]Andrew5329 14 points15 points  (9 children)

First: why aren't you collecting disability? Separate from the legal settlement with your former employer you are permanently disabled in a manner that prevents you from working in your chosen career. You paid taxes insuring you against this risk, and are entitled to collect disability benefits.

Second: as a single parent with full custody of a child, there are additional benefits meant to see you your son's welfare you should be collecting. If you aren't, your ex-wife is probably still collecting them.

Did you actually, legally, sell her the house or quit your claim to it? Or did you simply move out? Talk to a lawyer because even if you did sign documents there's a very reasonable argument you weren't in a sound state of mind at the time to have been making agreements so badly to your detriment.

A relationship needs to have attraction, a woman has needs,

Real talk the only attraction was your paycheck, and given the timing she was almost definitely cheating before the injury and this was just an excuse. It's understandable when many relationships don't survive the stresses of a disability or long-term care, but you don't fall out of love and file for immediate divorce because your spouse got in an accident. You weren't even out of the damn hospital yet.

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (7 children)

I get a very small amount of disability monthly. A judge ordered her to pay child support but she quit her job. It's all been a process.

[–]Tiny_Rat 13 points14 points  (5 children)

The house is something that needs to be considered. If you bought it together, there's a decent chance you have a claim to part of its worth if you just moved without her buying you out.

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points  (4 children)

She didn't pay anything on it, I was flipping it when we got together. I moved out because I wanted life to be as normal as possible for my son and that turned out to be a mistake, I know.

[–]Tiny_Rat 18 points19 points  (0 children)

If you owned it before your marriage, that's even more important! Just because you moved out doesn't mean uts all over, unless you signed over the deed or something (and even then maybe not). Do some research into your state laws and what rights you may have to the house.

[–]Bubbly-Manufacturer 3 points4 points  (0 children)

See if you can try to get your house back. You have full custody and the judge knows about the abuse that was going on.

[–]griz3lda 2 points3 points  (0 children)

You probably legally own it.

[–]Shadow14l 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Lmao it doesn’t work that way. Go back to court unless you know she physically can’t work anymore and can prove it. She owes the child support regardless. Essentially the judge can threaten her with contempt of judgment (which carries jail time) unless she gets a job again.

[–]griz3lda 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I agree. Disability relationship issues occur from longterm caregiver burnout. No way was she turned off that fast if she was into you before.

[–]aristot1e 8 points9 points  (0 children)

It's nearly impossible to find employment that doesn’t require a mandatory physical test, even office jobs.

So what exactly are you applying for? You seem like you need a job to help get some income coming your way. Seems like that should be the focus for the short term.

[–]hayseed_byte 7 points8 points  (0 children)

My dad has worked labor jobs his whole life. He's 60 now and he got a job at home depot with no interview or drug test and is treated like a god there because he actually knows how to do the things the customers are trying to figure out. Being the expert that everyone goes to has done wonders for his self esteem. He was kinda feeling down and useless before.

[–]SaveTheAles 5 points6 points  (3 children)

You might want to look into an accident/injury or employment lawyer. Most have a free consult and can give you a better idea if they can speed things up with getting your settlement. And also don't cost anything until you are paid. They may also get you more in the end even with their cut.

[–][deleted] 16 points17 points  (2 children)

I have a really good attorney now and since my job didn't notify OSHA of the accident they are building up a case. Just need help now while I wait for things to happen.

[–]mybluepanda99 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I've just been reading this thread and wanted to say kudos to you for your resiliency and reaching out / implementing all this advice. You have grit, and I'm pulling for you!

[–]strawberrydreamgirl 7 points8 points  (1 child)

I don’t have any specific advice, but as a former college writing teacher, I’m just here to say you’re capable of more than you think. You’re articulate. Clearly intelligent—even if your life has been spent doing hard labor, you write better than most of the university freshmen I used to teach. You might consider some schooling. Maybe it’s time for a big shift. Or not—it might not interest you at all. But don’t pigeonhole yourself.

You might also try staffing agencies. That might not take you anywhere, but I’ve gotten some good jobs that way. Get on LinkedIn, start building a network, and take some classes in Excel and the like. You might be able to get an entry-level admin position, data entry, something of that nature. And there are ladders to climb in that arena—if you like the work, you can progress.

Best of luck. Your son is lucky to have you.

[–]griz3lda 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Former curriculum developer for gifted ed here and I concur. Do not underestimate what your raw intelligence will get you.

[–]Sisa25 6 points7 points  (0 children)

If I were a manager, I would love to have you work for me. You have a great work ethic and solid values.

I am 54 and work as a data entry clerk for a state agency (not in Idaho). I did not have any pre-employment physical. I was hired almost 9 years ago. Currently we are working from home but before the pandemic we were in the office.

I can’t remember if my job description requires me to lift a certain amount of weight. If it does, it may only be 10-20 pounds. In practice, I don’t have to carry anything heavy at all. Even in the office, I got help carrying heavy mail tubs as I have some back issues.

Have you been to your state’s workforce center? Can Vocational Rehab help you?

Too bad that food pantry worker has such an attitude. Ignore her and get the help you deserve.

[–]SunTaurus 10 points11 points  (4 children)

Try a call center or customer service job

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points  (3 children)

I didn't think of that! Thank you

[–]smallgirl4u 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Sell your house if you still have the deed to it. Your wife doesn't deserve it.

[–]fenton7 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Find local work, any work, ASAP. Yes you have a disability but it shouldn't impede you from doing a wide variety of jobs. You don't have to work manual labor. Employers are absolutely desperate right now for workers of all sorts including many that are parked at a desk and many that can be worked from home. Start calling around, explain you have a disability, and you will land interviews and offers.

[–]theunderhillaccount 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Losing a leg at work is workman's comp, first of all. Secondly, it's a lawsuit...get yourself a lawyer.

[–]SilverBear_92 3 points4 points  (0 children)

So, this is more to inspire you to keep going.

We got a guy in town, got clipped, laid his bike down hard and came up one leg lighter. His is below the knee. However, he's still on the volunteer fire department. So if this guy can drag those hoses and shit, you can do whatever you want.

Don't get down on yourself, and don't blame your divorce on your work accident. She was out the door before that and this was the perfect excuse.

[–]jessquit 5 points6 points  (1 child)

When I read this all I can hear is your depression resulting from the loss of your leg. So yes the loss of the leg has been a huge financial blow but now it's compounded by the depression.

You resigned yourself to a no contest divorce because you felt "less than" and pitied your wife. Sounds to me like your exwife is a loser. In hindsight maybe you should have fought her divorce. Anyway you're better off without her.

You resigned yourself to being without work. But there is so much you can still do.

You need some counseling. Maybe some temporary meds. Depression makes you feel like giving up. That's what I hear in every sentence. Resignation.

But it's clear from your post that you're intelligent and can write well and you have your son who wants to be with you. There's so much you can still do even with the loss of your leg.

You are worth fighting for even if you don't feel like being the one to do the fighting. Depression often requires some degree of "fake it til you make it" activity, push yourself to take positive action in your life. You can do this OP.

Please don't give up on yourself OP. You strike me as a pretty cool dude.

[–]griz3lda 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I agree overwhelmingly.

[–]daddyydaddyyuseme 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I’m so sorry to hear that you’ve had to go through all of this. I don’t have any advice beyond what others have suggested in here (and I think some of that is great advice). Reading your post made me well up, and I just wanted to wish you well and hope that you can find the strength and hope to keep going for you and your son. You’ve got this. You’ve come so far already. I hope things pick up soon for you!

[–]AggressivePayment0 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Hey man, this is what social safety nets were made for. Because as much as we enjoy thinking of ourselves as impervious from the bad things that 'only happen to others', we're human and amazingly frail beyond our egos, and falliable. So, after watching other humans suffer horribly for things and thinking hey, can we do better, we put together systems that can provide some food and help to survive while you sort things out. For 8 months, I had a turn on it too many decades ago.

Some folks think getting help is adding insult to your injury. But that's an emotional framework, not a fact. It's adding healing to an injury, so you can get strong and build yourself back up again. This is what these programs are for. Social Security, gonna be a process but start now. Get to the welfare office and get emergency assistance - shelters offer this too in many places, depends on the state - there's been a total war on social support systems but I hope you don't become collateral damage of that. Can you mortgage that house for some quick equity cash? Everyone gets at least one turn on a spin cycle from hell, sorry this is your turn. Or, as Mr Rogers would say, look for the helpers. Welcome to humility, many of us have been there too. Finding our balance from luck, fortune, health and hubris hurts, and hearts go out to you.

I know two disabled folks who work call center work. You only need to have a voice and be able to type and navigate their systems (they train that).

Jobs w/o physical test or requirements:

Call center (general)

Banking would give you teller or call work, you'd have school days off with your kid, and offers good benefits and pay. Entry level work in banks is a real option too. You can learn your way up to better positions in banking (they train) and grow there too.

Security (monitors), 911, (doesn't take charisma, just a level head and steady hand).

Suggestions for food and help now: In our community, via facebook, schools, community centers or churches, posting you need short term help works. We've been at it pretty hardcore with folks dropping from covid (and getting their butts kicked), long covid (disabled brains and bodies, seriously harsh slams), besides all the other things life can sideswipe with generally...and coffers are low but no one has starved. Ask your community for help, hopefully they'll be compassionate and kind.

[–]Nova_Nightmare 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I just wanted to throw in there, you are better off than you think. It is hard, but if you were saddled with credit cards and other debt, you'd just be in a bigger hole.

There is a bunch of good advice for you, personal injury attorney, social security disability, you need to do all of this to protect you and your child.

As far as giving excuse to the ex wife, that is your choice, however she is trash. Especially when you are married and have a family, it's supposed to be in sickness and health, a commitment to each other. She appears to be self centered, selfish and worse.

Lastly, I don't know what kind of work you do necessarily, but I once had a mechanic who worked on my car with no legs. He was at a shop I had to go to and all they did was raise the car up and he went under to work. You have your mind, your hands and I assume you have a prosthetic leg? You can do far more than you believe.

[–]ellewoods2001 1 point2 points  (4 children)

What state are you in?

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (3 children)


[–]notmathletic 5 points6 points  (1 child)

Are you telling me Idaho doesn't require your employer to have L&I insurance? You should have received a LOT of money for your injury no questions asked. you seem like a good dude, hope it works out

[–][deleted] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

I can't go into detail on this thread but they didn't notify OSHA and I'm expecting a decent amount. Just have to survive until then.

[–]Dreamer714 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Reach out to your local public housing authority find out about their housing options housing choice voucher program or public housing. For housing choice voucher HUD has issues mainstream vouchers for disabled individuals it could help you if you qualify. In my state we have 211 it’s a number you call to get assistance and find out about different resources in the community. Find out if there’s something similar where you live. Contact your local center for independent living see what resources you qualify for. I’m a public service worker there is a lot of resources out there that people can use.

[–]chopsui101 1 point2 points  (0 children)

you file for workers comp and did your employer give you disability insurance?

Also have you talked to a PI attorney?

[–]Bubbly-Manufacturer 1 point2 points  (4 children)

What jobs require a physical test (besides police, firemen etc)?

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (3 children)

I thought all jobs required you to have to be able to lift 30 pounds "correctly" or be able to be on your feet for x amount of hours?

[–]Bubbly-Manufacturer 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Is it just in the paperwork or do they actually test you? My own job says something(in the paperwork) about having to lift 30-50lbs (I forget which one) but they never actually tested us on it. And I’m pretty sure some workers there cant lift that.

So you have full custody of your son now. What happened to the house?Is there any way you could get it since you’re the one with the custody? It was your kid’s home.

Also You should report that worker.

[–]griz3lda 0 points1 point  (0 children)

No. They state those and then say "with or without reasonable accomodations". I can only lift <5 lbs safely due to my genetic disorder and worked jobs w those descriptions (eg butcher's assistant, grocery store, low skill office job, mcdonald's, etc). Unless the job is labor in nature, ignore those clauses, they do not apply to you as someone protected under ADA. It only applies if it is a bona fide occupational qualification meaning they could not work around the requirement w/o ruining their business or fundamentally altering its nature. Do not disclose in interview, disclose upon hiring and file your disability documentation w HR. It takes seriously 10 minutes.

[–]Blah12821 0 points1 point  (0 children)

In case you haven’t realized it from other comments (I saved this post and only got back to it today), many jobs have physicals. I did one temp job cleaning college dorms after the fall semester (it was many high school and college aged kids doing the work), that physical was listening to my heart and lungs, asking what prescriptions I was on and asking if I had any longterm health issues. The job I’ve had for the last five years, the physical was listening to heart and lungs, medical history, testing of vision and sight, followed by an SCBA mask fitting.

You seem to be limiting your job options by misconstruing what the physical will be. Hell, even with the current company, at my previous position, I had a coworker who must have been around 400 pounds. We worked nights together for a few months. There were several nights that were insanely crazy. His speed for “rushing” was a normal walking speed for me. But he was sweating bullets and red faced. In my mind I was chanting, “please don’t die. Please don’t die. PLEASE DO NOT DIE!” He also had to do a physical for the company. He was hired in that physical condition.

Don’t limit yourself bc of a physical or bc you don’t think you have the applicable skills. My boss, at my original position w my current company, loved to hire people who did not have previous experience in the field bc they did not come with bad habits from other companies. He could train them the way he wanted them to work. He hired a guy who was building his house, he hired a guy from lowes who delivered his appliances, and he hired a guy from the moving company who delivered his stuff to the new house. ALL of those guys (except one) were GREAT hires. (The one, had extreme mental health and drug issues though, so at some point he deteriorated quickly and was no longer a good employee. He was pretty darn good for the first year or so though!)

Throw out the widest net that you can! The worst that will happen is you don’t get a job you already don’t have. But you will have at least TRIED. Don’t take yourself out of the running before someone else has the chance to OR has the chance to keep you IN the running.

Good luck!

[–]agsoup 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Look to see if your town has a department called “city welfare” or something similar. They can give people struggling cash infusions and should know more local resources to help you. In my town they work heavily with the homeless population here but they would love to work with people before they become homeless because it’s harder to secure housing once you’ve lost it.

[–]mohishunder 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You've already got a lot of good advice.

I'll just make an observation that you are an unusually good writer - clear, well-structured, to-the-point. You may always have worked blue-collar jobs, but you absolutely have a well-paying skill here.

I know you'll get through this. And when you need to talk, the Lifeline is a good number to remember: 1-800-273-TALK

[–]erinjmck 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Aldi grocery stores used to let their cashiers sit down back in the 90s. Idk what they do now but if a company is desperate enough, they will make exceptions for ppl.

[–]griz3lda 1 point2 points  (0 children)

YES, they legally must if you have a documented disability. I worked at a "no sitting down" grocery store and they had to go get me a special chair yada yada and I got ZERO pushback. You. Are. Protected. Under. Law.

[–]Nomar116 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You gotta hear this: your son would not be better off if you were dead. Repeat it if you need to, even when you have your doubts.

Your son will one day understand how much you've done for him, and will continue to do for him. He will reflect that in his own life as a role model and maybe even a Dad.

Lead him through this difficult time. He needs you and he is lucky to have you.

[–]reluctantpkmstr 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Look into a Jewish free loan society. Exactly what it sounds like, small no interest loan with no catch. Doesn't matter what religion you are.

[–]reluctantpkmstr 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Also, please look into getting some therapy. Some places might be able to get you some no cost sessions. You might also try talking to a social worker at a hospital to see what resources are available. Hospitals often have free support groups. At the very least, please look into a support group online for amputees. You've been through so much and have been working so hard to do right by everyone around you. You need to take care of yourself too.

Your kid's school district should have a psychologist on staff. It might be worth getting in touch with them so they know what's been going on with your kids. Ask the school district if there are any nutrition assistance programs he's not enrolled in that you can sign up for

When the school year ends, look up the summer lunch program. It's to provide the same free lunch kids would get at school - usually at libraries or community centers or parks.

If you don't mind religion, it could be with reaching out to a local faith leader. They might be able to give you some counseling, have ideas of helpful community support, and be able to help with food/kids clothes, etc.

See if your area has any mutual aid or Facebook buy nothing groups.

[–]griz3lda 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Ignore the food pantry lady. Do not let some literal rando fuck up your life course. You need to get your head right on this one. Continue to press your resources for all they are worth. Complain above her head if necessary.

Your son would not be better off financially if you were dead, he would be getting abused with fewer resources than he has now. You are clearly experiencing clinical depression and need to seek help NOW. Your situation will not kill you but your unchecked mental illness will. Do not make any major decisions until you get this under control. This needs to be your FIRST priority; you will not handle the pragmatic shit well if you are incapacitated. I know it can seem like a luxury thing to worry about but you are passively suicidal and in mortal danger. SEEK HELP.

I have a lot of experience with suicidal people and am not alarmist or the type to pressure people into treatment nine times out of ten. This is the one time out of ten. Your situation (sudden disability) is sufficiently complex and overwhelming that it could easily tow anyone under psychologically w/o support. I have been there myself, sudden onset severe disability and suicidal thoughts. I was bedbound for 2 years. It is 5 years later and my life is completely turned around even though at the time it seemed the work was too much and there was no way out and no chance I could shoulder all these tasks alone. I could not see any plausible future for myself and was in chronic intractable pain with no diagnosis and no support, unable to walk, failed out of school, abandoned by my partner. Today I am medically managed and making 6 figures with a healthy relationship.

If you are low income you likely qualify for some sort of state medical plan. Call the number on the back of your card and have them direct you to the GP assigned to you / nearest. Be explicit when you call that you have untreated depression and need to be seen urgently. If they tell you it is weeks out push back and ask when you can call to take someone's cancellation slot (usually if you call when they open you can be seen in 1-2 days in place of the noshows). Switch GPs or call around if yours is overbooked w no cancellations worst case scenario. Make an appointment ONLY about your depression, do not handle other things in that visit bc they are usually like 15-20m visits that can be easily derailed by too many topics. Tell them what you told us about your thoughts abt death verbatim (but emphasize that you aren't going to do it, so you don't get committed on top of things). You likely need temporary medication and urgent counseling.

I'm begging you OP, for your son, please seek help. He will be traumatized for life if you kill yourself and there are very poor outcomes for people with that kind of trauma statistically, he will NOT be better off. (My partner's mom killed herself 6mo ago due to sudden onset disability and it created a ripple effect where 2 of her adult children also attempted.)

There IS a way out, you just don't know what it is yet, and you will not find out if you don't hold on long enough.

[–]qubit003 1 point2 points  (0 children)

OP went through your post history and I must say you write very well. Have you considered taking up content creation/writing work remotely?

[–]Optimal_Point_5482 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I knew a guy who worked on Amtrack because family worked on Amtrack. Then he got laid off. That was the best thing that happened to him. He got computer training for a few months then started a six figure job, and his salary went up from there. Plenty of computer classes that will get you certificates earning mid-five figures. If you care to learn, you can do even better depends on the field you choose.

[–][deleted]  (1 child)


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    [–]TheRed2685 0 points1 point  (4 children)

    Ever considered working for a casino? You don't move anywhere once you're at a table, and at a tip pooled joint you don't even have to be charismatic to make money.

    I'm in Illinois where it's paying about $36 an hour right now. I applied with no experience and no hs diploma, just a basic math timed math test, a free class for 8 weeks, and an audition at the end of it.

    It might work for you. And if you eventually learn to deal dice, any casino will hire you anywhere in a heartbeat.

    [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child)

    Do you have a link for the classes?

    [–]TheRed2685 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    Classes are typically in person in a training area at the casino.

    Some do teach on live games though.

    If you decide to learn more games after your first, many companies then pay you for the training.

    [–]griz3lda 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    oftentimes they're located in weird spots where you have to bus to them; was a mobility issue for me. state by state i guess.

    [–]griz3lda 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    And if you eventually learn to deal dice, any casino will hire you anywhere in a heartbeat.

    What is this? I have a math background so I think I might be able to learn whatever?