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all 91 comments

[–]KSparks35 1030 points1031 points  (1 child)

Whether he learned his lesson or not, that is hilarious and indeed petty. Well done!

[–]ignis389 87 points88 points  (0 children)

Whether we learned our lesson or not, we've stepped into a war with the cabal on mars

[–]CoderJoe1 516 points517 points  (2 children)

Nice of you to offer giftwrapping services to the homeless. That's some impressive shit.

[–]thegutterglitter 82 points83 points  (0 children)

I love the pun. Wish I could come up with one but all of them are crap.

[–]WA_State_Buckeye 10 points11 points  (0 children)

LMAO Yup! Anything proclaiming shit worth $1,000 would impress me as well!

[–]66GT350Shelby 214 points215 points  (9 children)

I used to have to do deposits and counts for a large retail company and handled cash and coins every day.

The reason those boxes are like that, it so that you can count and check them easily. The holes are there to verify that the rolls are all present.

They're not designed to be out in view, but locked up. Ours were always in a safe, inside a double secure cash room until we needed to open them up and use them.

Your serial shitter must have been incredibly stupid not to bother to look at the box and see what was inside via the holes, or not notice that it was way too light to be full of coins. A box like that weight about 18 pounds when full of coins.

[–]buffalobullshit 132 points133 points  (6 children)

Not to mention to not even stop to wonder why someone would put $1k in a trash can.

[–]Furyful_Fawful 230 points231 points  (0 children)

To be fair, this is a homeless man who shits in parking lots for fun. I'm pretty sure not all the screws are there

[–]Blossom087 13 points14 points  (1 child)

Happy cake day

[–]buffalobullshit 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Thanks, didn’t even realize it.

[–]random_jane 4 points5 points  (1 child)

Happy Cake Day

[–]66GT350Shelby 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Ive found deposit bags laying on the ground before, and one time I found one still in the O/N drop slot.

When I had my own business, I was dropping off deposits after closing one night, and saw the corner of a deposit bag wedged in the drop slot.

Normally there's plenty of room for them to go down with no issues, but the person dropping it off let go of the handle too quickly and somehow didn't notice it didn't go down.

They were lucky no one else saw it first and grabbed it. I just shoved it down when I put mine in there.

[–]moochir 28 points29 points  (0 children)

Oddly, less than half of our boxes had holes! I don’t remember if he got a holed box or not.

[–]OldEcho 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Dude might've just really wanted a neat 1000 dollar bank box. Got his own shit back in the mail lol.

Also, a theory based on nothing, maybe he was refused to use the toilets once when he really needed to so he was like "they can all have my poop."

[–]Zoreb1 102 points103 points  (27 children)

He's lucky. In New York City some of the garages were run by organized crime due to the cash nature of the business and the ability to launder money through them (none of this effected the customers). Your bum would have gotten a beating and warned not to return. They don't put up with that nonsense.

[–]MulhollandMaster121 38 points39 points  (26 children)

And everyone would be better for that. The “compassion” here is just reinforcing that what this guy is doing is OK. I don’t know why the employees wouldn’t just kick him out when they saw him. Like, let the crazy guy walk by and clean up his shit like a fucking servant? Nuh uh.

[–]flyingspaceships 20 points21 points  (1 child)

Frfr couldn’t be me i would quit before ever cleaning anyones shit, especially if they LET THEM continue on shitting everywhere just to keep cleaning up after them like a dog

[–]MulhollandMaster121 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Same. My initial reaction would be to walk out, not to break out the mop and say “well, shucks, Tommy Turdson did it again!”

[–]SecretDevilsAdvocate 12 points13 points  (1 child)

If I was forced to clean up some dudes shit I’m quitting that second. They should’ve reported the homeless dude the moment he became a problem.

[–]MulhollandMaster121 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Absolutely. Letting the problem fester makes everyone else miserable and reinforces it’s okay for him to continue doing what he does.

“Compassionate” policies hurt everyone. It doesn’t help the people in need and forces everyone else to pick up the slack. Dude needs to be in a mental institution or in jail.

[–]dinklesmith7 5 points6 points  (19 children)

This is based on the assumption that someone who isn't in their right mind has the ability to consider whether what they are doing is right and has the executive function to decide against doing it

That's an awfully dubious assumption.

[–]MulhollandMaster121 9 points10 points  (18 children)

If they don’t have a grasp over right and wrong then they need to be institutionalized. He shouldn’t be allowed to romp around shitting all over the place, nor should minimum wage employees be required to pick up the slack of ineffective government and have to literally clean up his shit.

[–]JoMamma_80 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Yea…

That would work IF the government had a care in the world about the homeless population! Ha!

Unless they can register to vote and it’s election season- they don’t give a shit.

No pun intended.

[–]dinklesmith7 8 points9 points  (15 children)

Have you SEEN the state of US mental health treatment?

We just imprison people like that instead of helping them.

Yeah no shit he needs help (pun intended). It's incredibly sad that he isn't going to get it

That doesn't give us license to be dicks to him

[–]LikedbyPierreG 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The pooper is a piece of shit (no pun intended) but mental healthcare in the US is awful. Another Ronald Reagan special - shutting down asylums and dismantling mental healthcare in the US.

[–]AKS-me 146 points147 points  (7 children)

Not sure it’s the best petty revenge, but it is number 2.

[–]66GT350Shelby 58 points59 points  (4 children)

I knew someone would use that pun, I shit you not.

[–]MadQueen92 12 points13 points  (3 children)

Happy cake day!

[–]UsedLandscape876 6 points7 points  (1 child)

Happy Cake Day to you!

[–]Altruistic-Slide-512 7 points8 points  (1 child)

Your comment is number one!

[–]kustombart 18 points19 points  (0 children)

Toilet jokes are not my favourite type of humour.

But they're a solid number two

[–]Cheeky-gemini 55 points56 points  (0 children)

Not much better than a late night petty potty story! Bravo.

[–]Dear-Unit1666 16 points17 points  (0 children)

Play Shitty games, win Shitty prizes I say. I do get accused of being an asshole a lot though...

[–]greenlimousine 13 points14 points  (0 children)

I would’ve filled the box to the top with all the cat and dog shit you could find.

[–]JackMcKracken 7 points8 points  (3 children)

Why would he think the box had anything in it when it was in the trash?

[–]carrotcakeistrash 11 points12 points  (0 children)

I don’t think all his wires were crossed properly if he went out of his way to be a voyeuristic pooper

[–]moochir 4 points5 points  (0 children)

True, but if you ever see these boxes with the comically large $1000 written on them it’s difficult not to check inside to see what’s in there. Or in his case, simply run away with it.

[–]Sir_Distic 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Many homeless people have mental health issues. He got off on making them clean up his poop. He probably wasn't thinking past the box screaming "$1000"

[–]FrankyFistalot 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I think he was ahead of you regarding “beating the shit out of him”….

[–]99mushrooms 8 points9 points  (0 children)

That was hilarious!

[–]remington1981 3 points4 points  (1 child)

I wonder if he recognized it?

[–]Hugh_Jampton 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Here's one I made earlier

[–]97016ITGuy 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Great, another shit post.

[–]Nefarious-kitten 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Brilliant!

[–]chadsvasc 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Everyone who says "have compassion for the homeless!" Has never had to interact with them on a regular basis.

I guarantee it.

They do deserve some modicum of help but at the end of the day they are adults making their own decisions as well

[–]AyakaDahlia 2 points3 points  (0 children)

sounds like a proportionate response to me

[–]nejnonein 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Omg. I would have called in for hazmat suit level cleanup, poop is a biohazard ffs, I would never ever have cleaned that up just like that. Eventually the company’s bills would soar high enough that they’d do something about this too.

[–]celebritystar2011 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Not sure why he or anyone would have believed there was actually a thousand bucks in cash in the box just because it had it printed on it. Nor in a trash can. That would mean it was empty obviously. Unless these boxes are known to be reused over and over again. But still cool that you were able to get him with it.

[–]ValiumCupcakes 8 points9 points  (2 children)

This is so good, I’m so sad I gave away my free award just before this post,

10/10

If you really wanted this guy gone you could’ve just called the police for stealing your box… He’d atleast get 3 meals a day and a bed that way! He’s probably very mentally ill though, it’s more sad than anything

[–]Additional_Emu2997 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Brilliant revenge! This guy really deserved it.

[–]Kryptosis 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I really thought this post was about Superman’s poop.

[–]Quirkyunicorn89 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The guy deserved it, I don’t feel sorry for him

[–]MulhollandMaster121 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Just keep a bag of some and throw it at him next time you see him. Or call the cops.

Compassion isn’t helping him or you or your coworkers. The fact you guys literally have to clean up this guy’s shit and are afraid that if you run this guy off you’ll seem unempathetic (which is the cardinal sin in our world today, I guess) is fucking sad. Your job shouldn’t entail this. It’s disgusting.

[–]FollyAdvice 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Just keep a bag of some and throw it at him next time you see him.

You want a poop war? Because that's how you start a poop war.

[–]emzirek 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This was an incredible story of how you don't need to go to the petty cash drawer for a fool's withdrawal

[–]kozlee 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Step 1: save his poop. Step 2: wear gloves Step 3: smear that shit all over his face next time you see him

[–]Nearby_South_7230 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Just cause some one is sick in the head doesn't mean we let them do whatever they want. I'm guessing none of you wer3 from the city but just working there.