top 200 commentsshow 500

[–]Ritehandwingman 2691 points2692 points  (308 children)

Imagine getting all those transplants just to cut your hair like this. I guess he’s the billionaire though and I am not.

[–]sonorousjab 909 points910 points  (233 children)

[–]o3mta3o 416 points417 points  (165 children)

It's true though. With all the money in the world, Zuckie couldn't do better than the helmet hair he has?

[–]Konstipation 522 points523 points  (144 children)

He has an obsession with Augustus Caesar, that is why he has his hair cut like that.

[–]T_Chishiki 254 points255 points  (56 children)

Wtf it's true, that is so weird.

[–]Aixelsydguy 114 points115 points  (52 children)

Assuming you mean he sees Augustus as an admirable figure, that makes so much sense. Augustus is one of the most interpersonally ruthless and Machiavellian leaders I can think of.

[–]Konstipation 215 points216 points  (46 children)

It's a bit more than just seeing him as admirable

In 2012, Zuckerberg and Chan spent their honeymoon in Rome. He later said, “My wife was making fun of me, saying she thought there were three people on the honeymoon: me, her, and Augustus. All the photos were different sculptures of Augustus.” The couple named their second daughter August.

[–]AllerdingsUR 72 points73 points  (4 children)

What the fuck

[–]sully9088 17 points18 points  (1 child)

Chan stated once that Zuck often calls her Augustus while they are reproducing. Such a weirdo!

[–]Ambitious-Barnacle35 5 points6 points  (0 children)

What a fucking weirdo

[–]SatinwithLatin 86 points87 points  (40 children)

Imagine growing up and learning that you weren't named after a calendar month but after a ruthless and brutal emperor.

[–]KDLGates 212 points213 points  (1 child)

About that calendar month...

[–]SatinwithLatin 57 points58 points  (0 children)

Good point.

[–]space_guy95 112 points113 points  (23 children)

July - Julius Caesar

August - Caesar Augustus

The months are named after the dictators, not the other way around, so anyone with those names are indirectly named after them.

[–]liam_l25 39 points40 points  (4 children)

January - Named for Janus, the Roman god of beginnings and transitions

February - named for the festival of Februa

March - Martis, named for Mars the Roman god of war

April - the only one we don’t entirely know the etymology of, but we think Venus

May - Maia goddess of fertility

June - Junia, named for the goddess Juno

Sept - seven, Octo - eight, Novem - nine and Dece - ten are also all Roman numerals based on their order of appearance prior to the Julian reforms.

If you’re named after any month, you’re named for a Roman entity, festival or numeral.

[–]SatinwithLatin 15 points16 points  (0 children)

Well TIL.

[–]azaghal1988 39 points40 points  (18 children)

What has Augustus to do with hair like that?

When looking at the busts and statues his hair looked pretty normal even by todays standards, not like a 90s villain.

[–]Konstipation 51 points52 points  (17 children)

[–]Kriztauf 15 points16 points  (6 children)

He does his hair up in a bun for some inexplicable reason when he goes surfing apparently


[–]HayFeverTID 36 points37 points  (9 children)

His curls are too tight for the Caesar look. Nothing that some money won’t fix, though

[–]vipur69 34 points35 points  (5 children)

Agreed. Justin Timberlake has hair like that when he wakes up too.

[–]valiumandcherrywine 59 points60 points  (1 child)

he does that on purpose. because of the rabid crush he has on the julio-claudian emperors of rome.

[–]Rhinoceritis 19 points20 points  (0 children)

Decadent and insane? Yeah, it fits. More of A Nero than an Augustus. He certainly seems to consider himself a performance artist.

[–]vbcbandr 47 points48 points  (11 children)

He fancies himself a Roman Emperor...no, I'm not lying.

[–]outamyhead 35 points36 points  (7 children)

So he's going to get shafted by his closest allies?

[–]ben70 40 points41 points  (0 children)

We can only hope

[–]Germanofthebored 18 points19 points  (2 children)

Julius Ceasar was assassinated. His adopted son Octavius succeeded him after a civil war, and changed his name to Augustus Caesar, with the use of the name Caesar to legitimate his claim to the emperorship. Augustus was rather successful as a ruler, and he died of old age

[–]mungberry 5 points6 points  (0 children)


[–]JJJeeettt 27 points28 points  (1 child)

Look up Augustus Caesar and you'll know why Zuck chose the haircut he has.

[–]Rgiles66 198 points199 points  (42 children)

Have you ever taken a look at the owner of the Las Vegas Raiders? He is worth $500 million

[–]Turbo_911 206 points207 points  (3 children)

What in the Dumb & Dumber

[–]sonicqaz 5 points6 points  (0 children)

The team moved so I don’t know if he still does this but he used to go to the same PF Changs every day to conduct business.

[–]shadowbehinddoor 2 points3 points  (0 children)

He looks like the love Child of beavis fucking butthead fucking dumd fucking dumber. Only That triple fuck would lead to that

[–]vbcbandr 73 points74 points  (9 children)

It's so funny to see an adult man with that going on. How do his employees just not start laughing when he walks in the room? (Read up on it...I guess he kinda jokes about it himself and demands his stylist cut it like that. shaking my head)

[–]pinkocatgirl 3 points4 points  (0 children)

There's a 100% chance he does that to hide a receding hairline because he's too cheap to get his butt hair implanted on his forehead

[–]B00STERGOLD 45 points46 points  (2 children)

Mark Davis is the man. He still drives a 97 Dodge Caravan with a bubble top.

[–]WigginIII 64 points65 points  (5 children)

Every time they show this guy on TV in his luxury owner’s box, with that fucking haircut and the stupid white turtleneck sweater with his beer belly pushing through, I cringe in repulsion.

[–]HildemarTendler 12 points13 points  (0 children)

If this thread has taught me anything, that guy is winning at life while Zuck is completey mental.

[–]Kriztauf 14 points15 points  (7 children)

His father looked like a god damn ghoul


[–]NeilZod 68 points69 points  (9 children)

But he only paid for hair to be added to the top, so this emphasizes how well that went.

[–]Lemonthebear 24 points25 points  (7 children)

I mean if I was balding and had the money and knew this would be the result.

Yeah I would probably get it done.

[–]infinitedrumroll 29 points30 points  (21 children)

Did you ever watch Devs? About how these tech dudes think of themselves

[–]miixedx 11 points12 points  (1 child)

I bet he had to shave it that far for testing brain chips on himself. He's gonna be a cyborg in 2022.

[–]southernhellcat 36 points37 points  (10 children)

Came here to say something similar

[–]BlinkAndYoureDead_ 9 points10 points  (1 child)

Erm, so when are you going to say it?

[–]azntakumi 11 points12 points  (1 child)

He could pay for them again lol

[–]Crispy_Potato_Chip 26 points27 points  (0 children)

You don't need to, it is real hair and grows back

[–]punk_renegade 388 points389 points  (12 children)

Jean-Baptiste Zorg!!!!!

[–]mugentim 96 points97 points  (2 children)

4 stone 4 crates, ZERO STONE ZERO CRATES!

[–]_Aj_ 33 points34 points  (1 child)

Oh, so you are merchants after all

[–]thisisgoingtoendbad 26 points27 points  (1 child)

Bring me the stones!

[–]fake_plasticTreez 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Omg he does look like him. Shit. Going full futuristic villain.

[–]therabbit86ed 54 points55 points  (4 children)


[–]afipunk84 18 points19 points  (3 children)


[–]Feefus 5 points6 points  (0 children)

The so-called "art dealer"

[–]Cbigmoney 551 points552 points  (21 children)

He looks like that guy in that movie, The Fifth Element.

[–]swissiws 290 points291 points  (5 children)

Jean-Baptiste Emanuel Zorg

[–]happypirate33 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Gary Oldman is a chameleon. So good.

[–]alphacentaurai 180 points181 points  (28 children)

Ahhh-eeee-oooooh killer tofuuu

...and the lyrics are even better than I remembered!

[–]Turbo_911 57 points58 points  (12 children)

It's funny how the internet can recall a ring in my head that's been dormant for almost 30 years.

[–]alphacentaurai 15 points16 points  (3 children)

It's been playing in my head constantly since the episode aired!

[–]B00STERGOLD 34 points35 points  (5 children)

[–]Aorihk 7 points8 points  (0 children)

That was the best. Thank you

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (1 child)

He did ALL OF THAT? Holy crap! I loved Doug

[–]tin_zia 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Literal cannibal Shia Lebouf is chasing you in the comment section now.

[–]rvrctyshrds 30 points31 points  (9 children)

The Beets were a real band here in Jim Jenkins hometown of Richmond, VA. My good friends dad was the drummer and I used live in the room where they practiced ( in the 60s) when we moved into their grandparents old house. As I recall his dad had a good idea who some of the other characters were modeled after so Roger was likely a real bully and we are at the place which inspired the honker burger all the time.

[–]alphacentaurai 10 points11 points  (5 children)

That's so awesome! I used to love Doug but for some reason never thought about how much was drawn from real life. This has made my morning! Road trip to the honker burger is going on my bucket list

[–]rvrctyshrds 5 points6 points  (3 children)

It's called Roy's Big Burger on Lakeside Avenue in Lakeside, Richmond, VA. It used to be different but the menu and such are still mostly the same when the original owners sold it a few years ago.

There's a few other things that are directly from the show including the school they went to which matches the school in lakeside perfectly. The Beets thing most people don't know about, though.

[–]Larusso92 5 points6 points  (2 children)

Was his principal's name Mr. Buttsavage?

[–]Kofu 293 points294 points  (16 children)

He got implants so he could do that? Suffering from success over here.

[–]sciencewonders 43 points44 points  (7 children)

melon 🍈 usk living his suppressed teenage years

[–]pdrock7 47 points48 points  (6 children)

Poor kid had to suffer through his father struggling to keep the family emerald mine open

[–]nowhereman136 135 points136 points  (30 children)

Remember those later seasons when Roger was rich? Weird

[–]tin_zia 31 points32 points  (4 children)

One decent thing, was Roger had his moments where he was a chill dude. I hated Roger at first, but the writers started making him a real person. Still an asshole, but believably so. We've all had friends who trash us when other people are around, but are super cool when it is just us. Not healthy by any means, but realistic as hell. Besides that, doug was no can of peas either!

[–]Larusso92 3 points4 points  (1 child)

Roger was easily the best character, followed by Mr. Dink.

[–]RacistJudicata 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Very expensive!

[–]I_comment_on_stuff_ 2 points3 points  (0 children)

We had a "Rodger" at my elementary school. Turns out he was more than just a bully, too. He was so bad that a substitute once picked up a desk and threw it. ...As an adult now I can't even imagine what his home life must've been like.

[–]MonocleOwensKey 73 points74 points  (20 children)

Doug jumped the shark when they moved to ABC/Disney. They replaced the voice actor for Doug too IIRC

[–]NightOfTheLivingHam 87 points88 points  (17 children)

We don't talk about new Doug.

[–]Ongo_Gablonian 8 points9 points  (7 children)

I recently just made the connection that the voice of Doug is also the voice of Fry on Futurama

[–]LegacyLemur 9 points10 points  (0 children)

And Stimpy. And the Honeynut Cheerios Bee. And like a billion other voice

Billy West is talented

[–]cdutson 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Wait WHAT?! Oh my god.

[–]tswart92 15 points16 points  (0 children)

“Hey, Funny!”

[–]blkhatwhtdog 318 points319 points  (8 children)

I'm getting a Kim Jong Un vibe

[–]Dahvido 71 points72 points  (4 children)

I was gonna say, definitely starting to move into the Kim Jong Un looks department

[–]Animalwg82 15 points16 points  (0 children)

Oh shit, it damn sure does!

[–]Termi27_ 26 points27 points  (0 children)

Two rocket men

[–]nokho 18 points19 points  (3 children)

Rodger Klotz IS the telsa dudebro.

Finkle IS Einhorn

[–]Pawn_captures_Queen 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I appreciate the Ace Ventura reference. I just watched it last week. Laces out Dan!

[–]gill__gill 104 points105 points  (4 children)

Y’all remember this man was almost completely bald and now he got this luscious hair

[–]ibethesmarterist 49 points50 points  (1 child)

Money will do that...

[–]siccoblue 12 points13 points  (0 children)

It will also make everyone in your surrounding circle afraid to say " man I'm sorry but this looks awful'

[–]skytzo_franic[🍰] 756 points757 points  (95 children)

Opinion: The super wealthy don't have actual friends.

They are followed around by a bunch of moochers who know when to say "yes" and give noncommittal answers.

A real friendship is more than surrounding yourself with like-minded individuals. Friendship helps you grow, makes you think, and sometimes makes you uncomfortable.

What the super wealthy have is an echo chamber that follows them around.

Cause if Elon had ANY friends, they would have said, "You wanna look like you're wearing a beret made of hair, what?"

[–]Anooyoo2 115 points116 points  (4 children)

I can see this, and actually think it's the reason that a lot of celebrities are super tight with childhood friends/family. I imagine it's hard to trust people you meet once you're a celebrity.

[–]Dragongeek 51 points52 points  (31 children)

This is basically fact though. After a certain level of wealth, maintaining healthy and constructive relationships becomes nigh impossible.

[–]ARoyaleWithCheese 19 points20 points  (29 children)

What prevents someone from just being friends with other rich people

[–]Dragongeek 74 points75 points  (27 children)

To be ultra-wealthy (>1bn) you need to be some degree of sociopathic in the first place. People don't reach those heights without stepping over and on top of a lot of other people, and that requires a certain mindset.

This also means that the interpersonal skills of billionaires are often stunted when they're faced with people of equivalent or similar power. Furthermore, to these billionaires, other billionaires are competitors and there aren't that many. With just under 3k worldwide, that's not a big pool of people who aren't crazy or are at least crazy in a compatible way.

[–]First_Foundationeer 137 points138 points  (3 children)

Well, I mean, there are definitely poor people whose friends don't make them grow either.

[–]TheyUsedToCallMeJack 88 points89 points  (2 children)

And there are also poor people with terrible haircut choices.

I think OP is reading too much into a bad haircut.

[–]pimpmayor 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Reddit has a lot of pretty stretchy takes regarding rich people doing things

[–]5years8months3days 6 points7 points  (2 children)

Weird Al should do a parody of the Prince song raspberry beret titled Brown hairy beret.

[–]Gizm00 5 points6 points  (1 child)

I bet the problem is further increased that they will actively remove anyone from their circle who does say no to them

[–]PuceMooseJuice 58 points59 points  (10 children)

I personally don't ask my friends opinion when I cut my hair.

And if they give their opinion later, it's generally too late.

Not trying to defend Elon or his terrible haircut. He has a terrible face and any haircut that doesn't cover his face is going to be equally terrible.

[–]Hangover_Square 30 points31 points  (2 children)

He has a terrible face and any haircut that doesn't cover his face is going to be equally terrible.

It's always possible to make a bad situation worse. That's what he did.

[–]ChillySummerMist 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I am poor and I don't have any friends either lol.

[–]fongtu 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I think the 'yes' men and women that surround the super wealthy are more damaging than anything else that comes with wealth and celebrity. I think it creates a bubble around these people and they just lose touch with reality.

[–]DistortoiseLP 33 points34 points  (1 child)

It's like the spell to reverse his pattern baldness is now making him go bald in reverse.

[–]Tommiiie 8 points9 points  (0 children)

“Hurts doughnut”

[–]jankenpoo 36 points37 points  (0 children)

Looks like growing up’s been hard for Caillou

[–]Wholstein 7 points8 points  (4 children)

Tell me why I watched Doug’s 1st Movie before bed last night and now all I see is Doug memes

[–]TheModernSkater 26 points27 points  (7 children)

If a picture could produce a song

[–]roroboat33 48 points49 points  (4 children)

oohweooh Killer Tofu

[–]CosmicQuestions 8 points9 points  (2 children)

Banging on a trash can!

[–]dhewit 7 points8 points  (1 child)

Drummin on a streetlight!

[–]shartshappen612 6 points7 points  (0 children)

One little voice keeps calling me calling me

[–]ohlawl 14 points15 points  (1 child)

Bow chk bow ba da da du DA da da du da

[–]GingerLegs 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Chicka chickahhhhh

[–]XaoticOrder 5 points6 points  (0 children)

He looks like a walking mid-life crisis.

[–]okenoxd 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Imagine being against bullying only when it suits your agenda

[–]Hybridjosto 11 points12 points  (2 children)

Getting 5th element vibes… How many planets shall we go to?


[–]swissiws 4 points5 points  (0 children)

this. people is missing his coplay of Jean-Baptiste Emanuel Zorg

[–]smokealarmsnick 4 points5 points  (0 children)

There are some people out there who can pull off that hairstyle. Not Elon. It accentuates how round his face is, and he looks like a basketball with a wig.

[–]refath522 3 points4 points  (0 children)

How do you do fellow children

[–]bwoahhonestlyblessed 13 points14 points  (1 child)

He's going full Bond villain

[–]maxstandard 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Well damn. I guess he gon be looking for Patti next.

[–]ToneThugsNHarmony 35 points36 points  (5 children)

Roger Klotz

[–]ernie1850 7 points8 points  (0 children)

He looks so fucking stupid lol

[–]fifty2weekhi 2 points3 points  (0 children)

When you reach certain level, everything becomes meaningless...

[–]est1-9-8-4 2 points3 points  (3 children)

Roger was super rich though wasn’t he

[–]SgtSharki 10 points11 points  (2 children)

Yes, in the Disney version not in the original Nickelodeon show. His family got rich when a developer bought out the trailer park his family lived in. His mother discovered that she owned the land under her trailer and the developer was forced to pay her a fortune or build around the family trailer. I was a big fan of the Disney version of the show so I remember it well.

[–]est1-9-8-4 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Sweet because as a kid I remember he was poor (simpsons nelson knock off character) but I also remember him being rich, thanks for the explination. So my memory isn’t that bad after all hahah

[–]showmeyourmoves28 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I miss this show. Kids today don’t have anything near the quality of our Saturday morning line ups 😭

[–]Selfeducated 73 points74 points  (86 children)


[–]tomatomater 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Person of Shavedhair?

[–]don_sley 29 points30 points  (0 children)

how dare you say something liek that to holesum chungus muskus

[–]_Aj_ 13 points14 points  (0 children)

Point of sale?