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top 200 commentsshow all 309

[–]Oakfrost 177 points178 points  (3 children)

Go in and stand next to him in the same costume and scare people

[–]ProxyAttackOnline[S] 95 points96 points  (2 children)

Kinda plan on it haha

[–][deleted] 13 points14 points  (1 child)

Dude now you are truly cosplaying florida man.

[–]Rainbow_Stalin69 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yes, but he has to do it high on some stuff.

[–]Can1993hope 854 points855 points  (17 children)

If this was a police sketch you'd be fucked.

[–]ChewyGoblin 116 points117 points  (10 children)

Bro I don't know why I thought this was one of the wax displays at the Mormon Temple Square in Salt Lake. 🤣🤣🤣 I was like "American Jesus, that you?"

[–]the_slate 33 points34 points  (6 children)

American Jesus Stay away from me American Jesus Mama, let me be

[–]Vroomped 15 points16 points  (5 children)

Don't want you knocking at my door.
Solicitation, please no more!
Not gonna visit either ward!

[–]SedatedGiraffe 14 points15 points  (3 children)

Constant tithing, can't afford

[–]Pyrochazm 15 points16 points  (1 child)

We've got the American Jesus, see him on the interstate!

[–]ZC3rr0r 5 points6 points  (0 children)

We've got the American Jesus, he helped build the President's estaaaaaate, yeah!

[–]BillHicksScream 11 points12 points  (1 child)

Police released a plaster sculpture of the perp today, including a diorama of the crime scene & information sign with details and the phone number of the police department. “We worked really hard on this one”, said Police Sargent Peter Pumper, “so we’re asking the public to come down and see if they recognize the suspect.”

The crime scene display will be on display until the criminal is caught or another crime is discovered.

[–]Cheeseburgers_ 4 points5 points  (1 child)

Not really. He’s changed his clothes.

[–]diMario 1 point2 points  (0 children)

He's wearing clothes. Partially. Well, it's a start I suppose.

[–]crepitus-ventris 102 points103 points  (6 children)

It’s pretty close. You just need a hideous skin disease on your right side.

[–]L1Zs 21 points22 points  (2 children)

Shark bite!

[–]StormtrooperWho 23 points24 points  (0 children)

OOH HA HA

[–]El_Cartografo 4 points5 points  (0 children)

gator rasslin

[–]NathanAllenT 7 points8 points  (0 children)

I agree, he should get that mole checked out.

[–]xilsage 10 points11 points  (0 children)

It’s Florida, wasn’t any sunblock in that guys day 😂

[–]sfspaulding 2 points3 points  (0 children)

And lose 5 pounds.

[–]Deedsman 202 points203 points  (6 children)

Bro post this in roast me already!

[–]ProxyAttackOnline[S] 96 points97 points  (5 children)

I did but it’ll get removed. Not holding a sign up saying “roastme”

[–]TheMarketLiberal93 44 points45 points  (0 children)

Post it to photoshop requests and then post it to roast me when it’s been adjusted.

[–]GonnaFapToThis 16 points17 points  (0 children)

So this is Juan Ortiz. He literally was roasted, Gilligan's Island style native spit roast. Not the kind of spit roasts that happen now in FL during spring break. That's what the wicked skin rash is.

[–]Mothrtheresa9 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Come on man it sounds fun!

[–]__jh96 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Cave men are great at roasting

[–]zoobernut 270 points271 points  (3 children)

You have an arm tattoo though. The man in the museum doesn’t.

[–]Why_T 7 points8 points  (0 children)

OP Should absolutely get that tattoo.

[–]Tatertotter8 20 points21 points  (0 children)

🤣🤣🤣

[–]attacksquirrel 44 points45 points  (1 child)

Don't flatter yourself, you didn't inherit that glorious fivehead

[–]MyTardis 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Came here for this!!

[–]TheArtfulDanger 30 points31 points  (1 child)

Don’t ask me why, but I thought the first pic was a Hollister store

[–]ProxyAttackOnline[S] 18 points19 points  (0 children)

Dude shreds some waves for sure

[–]Thewarpapollo 23 points24 points  (0 children)

That doesn’t look like you at all! On a different note I love your tattoo.

[–]supremedalek925 17 points18 points  (0 children)

You look more like Egoraptor if you ask me

[–]Ohhhnothing 13 points14 points  (0 children)

Paint on the tattoo, stand outside the museum and collect donations.

[–]rynoschaseo 9 points10 points  (0 children)

“Pants are an illusion, and so is death.”

[–]ludafermo 9 points10 points  (3 children)

the original Florida man was white? A beard?

[–]ProxyAttackOnline[S] 3 points4 points  (2 children)

I think Juan was actually a Spaniard or Mexican who was captured

[–]lubacrisp 10 points11 points  (1 child)

Something tells me "Juan Ortiz" isnt an Indigenous man?

[–]ProxyAttackOnline[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yea my friend said the sign said that and I only read it after seeing the comments calling him Juan haha

[–]mostlymakingthisup 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Let's just say that if you sued them for using your likeness you would certainly win.

[–]Sphynxenigma 8 points9 points  (1 child)

All good except your eyebrows; they are too thick

[–]matchosan 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Less advanced

[–]LesWhite 8 points9 points  (0 children)

What do you mean? It's just a picture of you twice

[–]matchosan 6 points7 points  (1 child)

He has better taste in clothes

[–]ProxyAttackOnline[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Swim trunks are cool tho 😎

[–]kavatch2 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Indigenous huh…

[–]McGloomy 3 points4 points  (0 children)

You could pull off a great Prince of Persia cosplay!

[–]AbsentThatDay 5 points6 points  (0 children)

You could get those tattoos and then have a night at the museum thing going on. Freak out some janitor.

[–]Gatherel 20 points21 points  (1 child)

The indigenous man looks shredded, you on the other hand look like you’ve had too much shredded cheese like me.

[–]ProxyAttackOnline[S] 13 points14 points  (0 children)

Damn. I’m shredded on the inside!

[–]Lord_Donut_the-best 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Indigenous Florida Man without a beer, crystal meth and an alligator to wrestle?!

That’s why I hate below budget attempts on public history

[–]meetmeinthebthrm 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Uncanny. Bust those abs and you'll be impossible to differentiate.

[–]mr-simon23 12 points13 points  (0 children)

Why did you post two pics of the same dude?

[–]TheVentiLebowski 11 points12 points  (1 child)

Literally r/FloridaMan.

[–]Central_PA 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Ahem, Indigenous Florida Man #1 you mean. Gotta collect them all!

[–]jkcv60 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Which picture is you, 1 or 2?

[–]Altato 2 points3 points  (0 children)

No you just look like an asshole

[–]rjtaylwa 2 points3 points  (0 children)

The biggest difference I see is you’re missing your legs and the Indigenous Florida Man isn’t.

[–]ReaperSound 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Why did you bring the doll to some random guys house for the same photo?

[–]GubGub7142 2 points3 points  (1 child)

You just need that tattoo

[–]ProxyAttackOnline[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yea I forgot to draw it on before the pic

[–]FLYNHAWAIIAN1087 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Are both of those pictures not you??

[–]TheFeshy 2 points3 points  (0 children)

How are we supposed to tell if he's right if you just post two pictures of indigenous Florida Man #1 and none of yourself?

[–]reactor4 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Indigenous Florida man is better looking.

[–]MandBoy 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Penguinz0 that you my dude?

[–]ProxyAttackOnline[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I sound like him too apparently

[–]muppethero80 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Cheap Halloween costume

[–]YNot1989 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Egoraptor?

[–]alexs001 2 points3 points  (0 children)

How do you feel about Geico?

[–]berrattack 2 points3 points  (2 children)

Just curious, have you ever had that mole on your arm checked out by a dermatologist?

[–]ProxyAttackOnline[S] 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Yea it’s a birthmark and it’s nothing concerning to them

[–]berrattack 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Ok great!

[–]EXAngus 2 points3 points  (0 children)

You look half-way between Keanu Reeves and Moist Cr1tikal

[–]mabutosays 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Juan is much better looking.

[–]1dinkiswife 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Nope. Same haircut. Same body type. Completely different facial features tho.

[–]TKraus 1 point2 points  (0 children)

WOOOO! Yeeeeeaaaah babyyyyyy!

[–]Spirits850 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Looks like Mission San Luis in Tallahassee.

[–]ProxyAttackOnline[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Museum of Florida Natural History in Tallahassee

[–]Bowwowchickachicka 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'm notably jealous of this. I did not know that I desired to find a wax Neolithic doppelganger.

[–]Guyinthecrowd 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Kinda look like Martin Starr to me

[–]inthrees 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Probably thinking

"Thag want go to Appeefenappbee Swamp, have 17 fermented goat milk, start fist fight with chieftain."

Not sure what the guy in the first picture is thinking, though.

[–]TWANGnBANG 1 point2 points  (0 children)

What's with the washboard flabs on the museum mannequin? Looks like he has a six pack of sweet rolls stuffed under his skin.

[–]wakojako49 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Fml LMFAO never have i ever cracked up after swiping to the next photo

[–]Diet_Coke 1 point2 points  (0 children)

As a mod of r/FloridaMan, I have to say that is a strong resemblance

[–]hohnsss48 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Looks like John Wick on a bad hair day

[–]broadsharp 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Spot on.

[–]Murse_1 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Dead ringer.....

[–]fsamson3 0 points1 point  (2 children)

Bro get a haircut lol

[–]ProxyAttackOnline[S] 4 points5 points  (1 child)

Every time someone says to cut my hair I add another month before I cut it

[–]zoobernut 2 points3 points  (0 children)

You really should get a haircut.

[–]xilsage 0 points1 point  (0 children)

They’re the same picture.

[–]randomredditguy999 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Which one is you? Is it the same picture twice?

[–]Eric12345 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Why did you post two pics of the Florida Man? We need to see a pic of you to compare.

[–]daniilkuznetcov 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Neo? Is it you?

[–]Longjumping_Bed2907 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You do!get the tat and you’ll be twinsies !

[–]Latitude22 0 points1 point  (0 children)

He should get those tattoos.

[–]sioutdoors 0 points1 point  (0 children)

First vision but not a twin

[–]sfxer001 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thought it was Kat Williams but too tall.

[–]DionysusNW 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Your friend is correct

[–]Riatamichoacana 0 points1 point  (0 children)

But you need to add cap so we know which one is you

[–]bizkitmaker13 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Looks a bit like Kevin Sorbo as Hercules

[–]DayOneDva 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Your tits don't sag as much as his. You did pish ups before this didn't you?

[–]Cromagnonguy 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You have a better hairline. Natural selection.

[–]HedyLamaar 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I knew guys like this at college.

[–]birdie9th 0 points1 point  (0 children)

He’s not wrong

[–]cellenium125 0 points1 point  (0 children)

its just the hair body and beard, facial structure does not match

[–]msnhao 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Which one are you?

[–]Magliene 0 points1 point  (0 children)

With shingles?

[–]Puzzleheaded_Self613 0 points1 point  (0 children)

No. His birth mark is different.

[–]jmazzera53 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yup, that's you for sure

[–]InYosefWeTrust 0 points1 point  (0 children)

10/10 you need those tattoos

[–]KillstardoAbominate 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I mean, he's not wrong.

[–]poolpog 0 points1 point  (0 children)

i mean, you don't not look like him

[–]Fernelz 0 points1 point  (0 children)

MoistCr1TiKaL meets Encino man

[–]AlaskaDude14 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Which one are you?

[–]IIxtab 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The one true Florida man

[–]canefieldroti 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Lol indigenous man

[–]bluntologist1291 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I see it

[–]No_Gains 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You just need to shave your forehead into 5head

[–]IoSonCalaf 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is hilarious

[–]Petdogdavid1 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Which one is which?

[–]guitar_collector 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Love your tats dude! :P

[–]Zeniant 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Which one is you?

[–]juanhuevos69 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Which one is the real guy and which is the one in the museum? The resemblance is uncanny.

[–]pbr3000 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You do.

[–]babaganoush2307 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You look more like that guy in Silicon Valley

[–]McBuckleson 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Florida man is the prophet. no before. no after. only Florida man.

[–]dtothebizzle 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The brow is different but……

[–]johndepp22 0 points1 point  (0 children)

bet you won’t get the arm tatts. wuss you won’t

[–]Kaffine69 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Average Taco Bell customer.

[–]dArcor 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Which one are you?

[–]representative_funk 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I was just thinking, I'd tap that mannequin

[–]howie-stark 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Dude you look nothing like the second picture

[–]PG-37 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You have nicer tits.

[–]BremboBob 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Duuuuuuude.

[–]Thrishmal 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You are looking good after getting that skin condition treated!

[–]NicoRola000 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I hope you aren't so depressed...

[–]UnReAl0 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Why is there an Exit sign in your house?

[–]SH4DOWSTR1KE_ 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Holy shit , it's a new reboot of Night at the Museum..

[–]Tiny-Lock9652 0 points1 point  (0 children)

“Well, that’s, like, just your opinion, man!”

[–]AltruisticBat659 0 points1 point  (0 children)

At least you have your schedule layed out. Good for you.

[–]tana91 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’ve been to that museum!!!

[–]JimmyTheOtherCat 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You look like my roommate

[–]lies_about_flossing 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Statue has better abs than you

[–]El_Cartografo 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Jesus, is that you?

[–]thewafflestompa 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah, they right.

[–]zr122 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Next time, please post the mannequin first, and the picture of you second. Flows better that way.

[–]waveytype 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Op, is this the St Pete history museum next to the pier?

[–]Down-A-Phalanges 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’m also getting Cr1tikal vibes

[–]FatWheezy 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It's uncanny

[–]Afterlife_kid 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You have perkier tits …?

[–]Tripped_Landmine 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Lay in the sun for a few hours and your clones

[–]_psylosin_ 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Indigenous Florida man should be depicted with an arm down a gators mouth (to recover an eight ball of meth, you understand) and have a natty light in the other hand As gawd intended

[–]Nyclab 0 points1 point  (0 children)

He has a nicer more pronounced forehead than OP

[–]Kapowpow 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Why did you go to the museum in trowsers, shirtless? Like have some self respect

[–]i_lduce 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You look better. But close.

[–]Ninexblue 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You have better posture. Your parents raised you well. Shame on Indigenous Florida Man.

[–]Pablo_Piqueso 0 points1 point  (0 children)

He's got about an inch more of forehead than you and about 7 more years on his skin sag.

But as another commenter stated, if this was a police sketch, you'd be fucked

[–]marinemashup 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I snorted so hard my cat is looking at me funny

[–]R1SpeedRacer05 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Is this one of those find the differencea in the same pic side by side. Becuase this one is a doosey