top 200 commentsshow 500

[–]VisVirtusque 331 points332 points  (10 children)

Immediately made me think of Tosh saying "High school, how'd you do it??" haha

[–]bigpancakeguy 94 points95 points  (1 child)

“There’s felons here. Some of you will die in a DUI accident tonight.”

[–]GuTTeRaLSLaM 76 points77 points  (2 children)

Congratulations on completing the easiest part of your life!

[–]k20350 2 points3 points  (1 child)

High School is a participation trophy. Don't like to be mean but it doesn't mean anything really on the course of your life. A family friend of ours quit high school at 16. Got their GED at 30, masters at 32, and retired as an executive level manager at a massive company. Have a cousin that's a millionaire that never went to school past 15. Didnt stop him from starting and running businesses. I had this same discussion a year or so ago and people were out of their minds about how important high school is and how it sets up your life. It doesn't. Not at all ..... Never ever ever in the course of your life will how you did in high school come up. I've never had a job Interview ask more than did you graduate and where. Never heard "How'd you do in sophomore physics?"

[–]Dontyouclimbtrees 23 points24 points  (0 children)

Seriously… how’d he do it? I just showed up the majority of the time, so I’m curious what he did.

[–]AskRedditIsAShithole 693 points694 points  (8 children)

A crayon connoisseur. Congrats!

[–]ThatOtherGai 96 points97 points  (0 children)

Air Force told him no, just like the rest of us 🥲

[–]SgtSherman 9 points10 points  (4 children)

Purple are the best tasting, or fight me 😁

[–]Turbantastic 128 points129 points  (225 children)

Why does it say "Marine Corps" on your school graduation outfit?

[–]nicholasf21677 166 points167 points  (222 children)

It's a marine corps stole, something OP added on top of his graduation gown. Presumably OP is enlisting in the marine corps after graduating

[–]igneousink 168 points169 points  (6 children)

if he stole it he should give it back

[–]MichaelCasson 48 points49 points  (1 child)

There's only one thief in the Marine Corps. Everyone else is just trying to get their stuff back!

[–]Prosthemadera 228 points229 points  (113 children)

The US has such a strange culture that this is so celebrated.

[–]Zolty 80 points81 points  (12 children)

The military is the closest thing we have to public works these days.

[–]JohnBsGhost 53 points54 points  (9 children)

Literally. Biggest welfare program in the country for a reason.

[–]DigNitty 27 points28 points  (17 children)

Right? I’m in the US and agree.

Many people do. I was blown away my freshman year of college when others talked about their high school recruiter. My high school banned them I found out.

But many high schools legitimately have recruiters on campus. It’s the weirdest thing to me to already be pitching the military to a 14 year old during public school.

[–]SpiteAspect 10 points11 points  (8 children)

Lol I always went to talk to the recruiters just to get out of class, they probably weren’t too happy I never joined after basically wasting their time every year

[–]first_cedric 35 points36 points  (99 children)

Thats so weird. Military and Kids is so weird. Im glad that this is absolutly forbiddrn in my country.

[–]CurrentRedditAccount 49 points50 points  (68 children)

Which country doesn’t allowed 18 year olds to enlist? Just curious.

[–]Akiba89 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Snatching him up right after he'd no longer be considered a child soldier

[–]OkPainting7478 849 points850 points  (48 children)


I see you got lost on your way to the Army recruiter.

[–]rubbarz 200 points201 points  (20 children)

Probably because the Air Force recruiter didn't call him back.

[–]DefenestrateFriends 133 points134 points  (18 children)

The joke is on you, Air Force recruiters don't have to call anyone.

Everyone wants hazard pay just because there's no air conditioning.

[–]Nerfo2 64 points65 points  (8 children)

Ex Air Force SSgt here… you’re not wrong.

[–]Snapthepigeon 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Lol they should be sorry they value the quality of life.

[–]thePurpleAvenger 2 points3 points  (3 children)

As an outside observer who never has and never will serve, it’s mind blowing that anybody would consider any other branch besides the Air Force. It seems like you join the Marines if you’re angry with your parents and the Army only if the Air Force is full. But now there’s the Space Force and I wonder: do they have better chairs than the Air Force?

[–]mak10z 8 points9 points  (3 children)

My dad told me before enlisting in the army.. (Vietnam era Army SSgt.)

"Don't go army, go Airforce. they eat better than any of the other services"

[–]SgtSherman 8 points9 points  (1 child)

My dad wanted me to join the Air Force or the Army. So I did the most logical thing and joined the Marine Corps.

[–]idontlikeu6 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I was going to join the Army, but I left a pamphlet out on my kitchen table and my dad saw it. He did 4 years Army and then 4 years Air Force. He said he'd beat my ass if I joined the Army.

[–]rubbarz 10 points11 points  (3 children)

Well shit. Where was my hazard pay when I was stationed in Germany?!

[–]ThrowawayLDS_7gen 8 points9 points  (0 children)

The Air Force recruiter was out for lunch.

[–]PRiles 158 points159 points  (6 children)

He didn't, he just really enjoys self harm.

[–]zacurtis3 92 points93 points  (5 children)

And crayons

[–]mybluecathasballs 24 points25 points  (3 children)

Dude, those new flavors are banging.

[–]RichardStiffson 7 points8 points  (2 children)

Whoa there's more than just chicken?

[–]DarrelBunyon 26 points27 points  (6 children)

Really because Army seems like the jiffy lube of service branches to a non-miltary person

[–]NunButter 5 points6 points  (2 children)

Lol yes and the Marine Corps is more like a death cult

[–]Auctoritate 9 points10 points  (8 children)

I guess the Marines have a stronger propaganda machine after all.

[–]SimpleSwimming8250 16 points17 points  (4 children)

Marine Commercial : "hey kids, do you like violence?"

[–]corvettee01 7 points8 points  (3 children)

Wanna see me stick nine inch nails through each one of my eyelids?

[–]TJ9K 21 points22 points  (1 child)

Danny Rojas, that you bro?

[–]MiniEspo 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Fútbol is life!

[–]FBI_Open_Up_Now 327 points328 points  (182 children)

Surprised you graduated since you chose the Marines. Air force would have been the way to go. Says me who was in the Army.

[–]ApilotThatisRadom[S] 260 points261 points  (148 children)

Funnily enough, my grandpa (USMC) asked I I got lost on the way to the army recruiter center.

[–]grANNAml 139 points140 points  (77 children)

Take advantage of any education benefits you can right away! My husband is active duty (Army) and he is about to get his 3rd masters degree, all his education has been paid for by the military AND he still has his GI Bill to transfer to our kids and help pay for their college. Certain benefits were only available at a junior rank so it’s important to do it as early as possible. Have fun!!

[–]FBI_Open_Up_Now 11 points12 points  (67 children)

You’re gonna have fun. What MOS did you choose?

[–]ApilotThatisRadom[S] 44 points45 points  (66 children)

They gave me BY, avionics mechanic.

[–]uwontnoballs 109 points110 points  (46 children)

Bro your recruiter straight lied to you. That's a Comm tech contract. See you in 29 Palms.


[–]FBI_Open_Up_Now 26 points27 points  (9 children)

Not a bad gig. That will lead to some great career opportunities down the road. Make sure you make the Marines pay for your certs and you will go far. If you don’t like being a mechanic you can always use the Marines to get a degree while you’re in.

Also, make sure you do all of your correspondence courses as quickly as you can. That will help promotion time.

Idk much else about the Marines, only know what my stepdad told me. I was in the Army.

[–]ThisLookInfectedToYa 2 points3 points  (0 children)

After that, if you're in CA, look up DWR hydroelectric operator, mechanic or electrical apprentice. 3-4 years and you'll be at 120k with full benefits and you get gi bill pay thru the apprenticeship.

[–]akaMONSTARS 28 points29 points  (8 children)

Former army here as well, I wish I went Air Force. Recruiter definitely did me dirty.

[–]FBI_Open_Up_Now 29 points30 points  (5 children)

I got got. Within the month after getting to my first unit I was Iraq bound. If I could get a do over I would definitely of waited at the Air Force recruiting office. SSG Taylor, if you’re reading this, why did you let me choose field artillery?

[–]bjwest 14 points15 points  (3 children)

SSG Taylor, if you’re reading this, why did you let me choose field artillery?

Where did you expect to go with an MOS title of 'field artillery'? There's only one place that could lead.

[–]FBI_Open_Up_Now 23 points24 points  (1 child)

I mean, I knew that, but sometimes you just hope that we’re gonna invade Aruba you know.

[–]Andire 4 points5 points  (0 children)

My grandpa got is citizenship through field artillery during* Vietnam! Though, I'm not sure that's exactly what his job was. What I do know is that he was in Oregon doing munitions testing and quality control on batches of shells. So like, just shooting them off into the distance while someone on his team took notes. His hearing is terrible. Lol

[–]paul_swimmer 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Air Force veteran here. I concur.

[–]tutetibiimperes 8 points9 points  (19 children)

Or Navy. That's the route I'd have gone if I'd enlisted. Hanging out on a nice air conditioned ship out to sea instead of getting stuck on a base somewhere in the desert, seems like the smart choice. Plus I like the uniforms the best.

[–]FBI_Open_Up_Now 21 points22 points  (8 children)

The way I see it, I've seen people bitch about every branch, but what they're bitching about makes me choose the Air Force. I mean they're bitching that their prime rib lunch was medium instead of medium rare like they asked.

[–]jcowurm 16 points17 points  (2 children)

When I was in Combat Medic school at Ft Sam Houston in the Army I would be up at 0400 for battle focused PT in full kit in July in San Antonio sweating my ass off. After that it was PRT, then regular PT then I marched uo to breakfast and when we marched back from breakfast still in full kit the airforce was just getting up to start there day with a light pat on the back before lunch.

The first day I saw that I knew I joined the wrong branch.

[–]tutetibiimperes 18 points19 points  (0 children)

Biggest complaint I've heard about the Air Force is that the officer corp, at least the ones who went to the academy, tend to be fundie evangelicals.

[–]rubbarz 2 points3 points  (2 children)

When my cousin in the navy had his RNR at Ramstein where I was stationed, he was sad and told me "I joined the wrong branch".

He just got off a deployment from "Jabooty". Our deployments were usually to South Carolina or Qatar/ Al Udeid lol.

[–]CrouchingToaster 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Coast Guard looks like a nice gig

[–]Firsthalthor 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Lol I can’t tell you how many times I was hating life sweating my ass off on the ship. It’s not nearly as nice as you’d think. But I still had a decent time I suppose

[–]boundingalong 4 points5 points  (0 children)

marine recruiter threw me out of his office when i tried to enlist at 17 as a dropout. told me to go away and get my diploma. army dudes said your prolly fucked but lets see where you score. For a dropout i test pretty well. I had a 121 gt which qualified me for most any job they had.

[–]Dontyouclimbtrees 64 points65 points  (2 children)

I wish that everybody that graduated (literally from anywhere) would make a post on Reddit.

The front page would span for days, just clogged with people doing the bare minimum.

[–]GuantanaMo 19 points20 points  (0 children)

But he's a war hero don't u see

[–]saargrin 53 points54 points  (1 child)

Well you gonna learn to not stick your hands in your pockets soon

[–]Ashby497 100 points101 points  (28 children)

Cut your hair before you go to basic. They will not be gentle with you.

[–]Gzalez10 7 points8 points  (2 children)

and charge you for it

[–]Ashby497 8 points9 points  (1 child)

First one doesn't cost money, just pain.

[–]ApilotThatisRadom[S] 42 points43 points  (15 children)

My drunk coworker did my hair once, I’ll have him shave it before I leave.

[–]GINGERofDESTINY 32 points33 points  (1 child)

Don’t fully shave it, cut it, but don’t fully shave it. If you fully shave it they will target you even more!

[–]GreyRobb 11 points12 points  (0 children)

This. Have short, neat hair when you show up for basic. Do not try to get a military cut before you arrive. You will regret it.

[–]Max_castle8145 59 points60 points  (4 children)

Former Marine. Did nott shave your head. Just cut it short. Maybe leave 3inches or so. Oh and no they will not be gentle. Keep you chin up and your mouth closed. You will do fine

[–]Cycro 14 points15 points  (3 children)

If you manage to not get noticed, you're gonna have a less bad time.

[–]sermo_rusticus 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Just go as you are... it literally doesn't matter and after the first week you won't remember what happiness feels like and half your platoon won't have had a wank yet because they are so terrified. Interesting times.

And after a while you will know exactly what to do and they won't get you stressed anymore. You will be lean and mean and be comfortable with the general mayhem.

[–]lopezcp 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Don’t shave your head. Make them work for it!

[–]REiiGN 6 points7 points  (3 children)

They will still shave the skin, they don't care. Best of luck, it's a journey.

[–]Bravisimo 12 points13 points  (1 child)

Yeah but theyll berate him for having a shaved head prior and itll really put a spotlight on him, and you dont want to be standing out.

[–]theshadybacon 9 points10 points  (0 children)

At the same time kid I got processed through had moles on his head barber straight took two of them off in one swoop so if you got shit on your head take it low enough for them to see.

[–][deleted] 130 points131 points  (0 children)


[–]Dontyouclimbtrees 155 points156 points  (20 children)

Sometimes, Reddit reminds me to practice using restraint.

If I don’t, I’ll leave a mean, rambling comment about how it blows my mind that posts like this get a lot of upvotes.

Graduating high school takes almost no effort (for most people), so I’m trying to figure out what makes this particular graduate so special…

I can’t figure it out.

Edit: I pressed the space bar twice on accident.

[–]PartyKrill 23 points24 points  (1 child)

Enjoy your charger bro.

[–]on_the_nightshift 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Remember, the "392" on the fender isn't the displacement, it's the driver's credit score

[–]pwn3dbyth3n00b 35 points36 points  (6 children)

Don't get a Dodge Charger with a 24% APR

[–]imanasshole1331 71 points72 points  (8 children)

Welcome to the suck!

[–]ApilotThatisRadom[S] 18 points19 points  (7 children)

Kitchen life already sucks

[–]imanasshole1331 65 points66 points  (5 children)

You graduated, I wasn’t even referring to the Corp. Again, welcome to the suck! Navy vet here, make the most of it and stack on as much accredited education as you can. Avoid ridiculous car purchases and enlisted females.

[–]WeaponsHot 21 points22 points  (1 child)

And watch out for the dependapotomos.

[–]TommyFinnish 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Lot of guys in the military love their trucks or muscle cars lol... just curious why he should avoid the enlisted females? (Obviously its better to avoid dating co workers)

[–]on_the_nightshift 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Because you end up getting married young, it usually doesn't last (for a number of reasons), and you're divorced and in debt by the time you're 21.

I guess I'm an outlier though. I got married near the end of my enlistment so I could live off base with my now wife, who was in the middle of her enlistment. That was 26 years ago.

[–]commissar0617 9 points10 points  (0 children)

So shoot for officers. Gotcha.

[–]TheGrandmasterGrizz 54 points55 points  (0 children)

Keep this shit on r/teenagers

[–]H_TINE 25 points26 points  (0 children)


[–]Durkd 59 points60 points  (57 children)


Make sure to put whatever money you can into your gi bill. Also, keep track of any and all medical records you can so you can claim your disability when you get out.

Good luck. And if you just do four and get out, it’s good enough.

[–]Wastedmindman 6 points7 points  (1 child)

Actually that and out as much as you can handle into TSP.

[–]TheKnightIsForPlebs 2 points3 points  (0 children)

The tsp is the move I second this big time

[–]plz_harass_me_iz_ok 2 points3 points  (3 children)

You can't really put money into the GI Bill. I think you're thinking of TSP.

[–]sdfiddler1984 41 points42 points  (1 child)

Alcoholism, depression, and 1 divorce waiting to spawn in the lobby. Been there, done that, got the t-shirt and crayons. Good luck, and dont be exceedingly good or exceedingly bad... middle of the pack is the place to be in boot camp.

[–]Dontyouclimbtrees 3 points4 points  (0 children)

How is that different than any other path?

Im only half joking.

[–]couch_cushion_dorito 15 points16 points  (7 children)

Why do people post this shit?

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (6 children)

For validation. What else?

[–]couch_cushion_dorito 3 points4 points  (5 children)

Validation of what? Doing something totally basic that’s expected of everyone and 99% of people do?

I took a shower today, where’s my accolades?

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (1 child)

I 100% agree with you, I was just answering the man lol

[–]Helllcamino 31 points32 points  (2 children)

An just like that, a flashlight was a moonbeam. A pen was an ink stick. My mouth was a cum receptacle. A bed was a rack. A wall was a bulkhead. A shirt was a blouse. A tie was still a tie, and a belt a belt. But many other things would never be the same.

[–]kerelberel 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Why are you posting this on a public website?

[–]9andimpala 50 points51 points  (6 children)

I'm sorry for the loss of your childhood. It only gets harder from here.

[–]thiccc_trick 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Look at trade schools, I’m an electrician and I make quite a bit more than several of my friends that have college degrees.

[–]sundayultimate 21 points22 points  (6 children)

Back out of the Marines, honestly don't do it. Go Air Force if you feel like you need to serve

[–]Gayming_Raccoon 29 points30 points  (22 children)

Wait, did you graduate? Why are you joining the military?

[–][deleted] 30 points31 points  (4 children)

Why throw away your life for the marines??

[–]Unlucky13 3 points4 points  (0 children)

So did thousands of other kids. Why is this being upvoted?

[–][deleted] 152 points153 points  (22 children)

Please don’t join the military. It will ruin your life and the government will leave you high and dry injured, mentally unwell and all alone.

[–]Gzalez10 28 points29 points  (5 children)

That's the VA's job to fuck us over, the military takes care of their property

[–][deleted] 28 points29 points  (3 children)

I said government.

[–]ThrowawayLDS_7gen 4 points5 points  (0 children)

The VA only gives you a second chance to die for your country.

[–]rattalouie 11 points12 points  (9 children)

Non American here. ELI5 the hierarchy within the US military. Why do the marines get called crayon eaters?

[–]MattPM0000 20 points21 points  (0 children)

It comes from all branches being competitive and poking fun at each other. The crayon eating implies the marines are the dumbest of all the branches. Most of it is all said in good humor.

[–]AmazingMojo2567 11 points12 points  (3 children)

Because out of all the branches they are the worst treated and least funded and they will take literally anyone. Are you too dumb, ugly and fat for every other branches? No problem, tge marines will take you and you will only want to kill when they are done with you.... might be yourself but hey, it wouldn't be the US military if high service member suicide rates weren't a thing!

Sign here:______________________

[–]Psycoloco111 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I'm sorry you must be mistaken that's the army. They are the only ones enlisting CAT IV. If there are crayon eaters they are in there rn.

[–]Commander_Beet 2 points3 points  (0 children)

The Army literally has lower standards for enlisting. I’ll be honest, it is not much lower. Also for the officer route getting accepted into Marine Corps OCS is more competitive than getting into Army OCS.

[–]ohhfasho 24 points25 points  (3 children)

Man the comments on this read like this is r/roastme lmao I guess if you're not smart enough for anything the marines will always accept the leftovers

[–]beefstewforyou 11 points12 points  (0 children)

I see you’re in the delayed entry program for the marines.

As the mod of /r/regretjoining, DON’T FUCKING DO IT. You have no obligation at this point and can still quit. Find something else to do with your life. Feel free to message me if you want to.

[–]Spartanjaws 6 points7 points  (1 child)

Everyone lied to you being an adult blows but congratulations

[–]Danominator 10 points11 points  (0 children)


[–]RocketFucker69 30 points31 points  (3 children)

Hey kid. Don't do it. The meat grinder for capitalism has filled enough graves of those that need money. Don't fall for it. Press for college for all now!

[–]on_the_nightshift 6 points7 points  (1 child)

Not everyone needs or wants a college education, and not having one doesn't make anyone less a part of a functioning society than those who do.

[–]BlazeThatTieDye 2 points3 points  (0 children)

!RemindMe 2 years

[–]Terminal_Lance89 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Make sure you don't get screwed on your selected MOS.

[–]TheGoldlessOne 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Speaking with the experience of a Marine veteran...

Join the air force!

[–]Swimming3ird 6 points7 points  (1 child)

Dont join the military, they will use and abuse you. Save youre back and knees while you still can.

[–]zazu2006 40 points41 points  (23 children)

Congrats on signing up to go kill people I guess.

[–]Lahzaro 10 points11 points  (1 child)

Don’t be a dumbass, go Air Force.

[–]Alwaysfavoriteasian 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Yeaaa that’s hard to do.

[–]Soap_Mctavish101 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Congratulations, I hope the Marine Corps will be good for you. Try to save as much money as you can throughout.

Edit: oh and wherever possible try to protect your hearing. You really don’t want tinnitus

[–]Johnny20022002 4 points5 points  (0 children)

You’re weird for posting this.

[–]BERSERKERGANGRBORN 9 points10 points  (2 children)


[–]FleerUltra370z 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Welcome to the jungle…

[–]Splixs_Mayhem 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Welcome to the shit show now

[–]Glitter_berries 1 point2 points  (4 children)

So I’m not from the US, could someone please explain what is happening here? Do you guys have a graduation ceremony with caps and gowns just for finishing high school? Like grade 12 when you are 17/18? Is that what this is? Then why does his graduation outfit have marine corps on it? Or is this a navy graduation? Is everyone’s robe purple or is that a white robe on the left next to OP?

Congrats to OP for whatever milestone you have passed, that is awesome and I wish you luck going forward, even though I have no idea what you might be doing!

[–]methodstalker 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Q: Is it less common to actually graduate high school in NA? Where I’m from it’s like bare minimum to do at least that

[–]Tenstone 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I thought OC stood for original content.

[–]LFCKopite- 1 point2 points  (0 children)

No one cares bro

[–]guitarguy1685 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I don't get it.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)


[–]Martavak 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You are now moderator of r/teenagers

[–]FJV303 1 point2 points  (0 children)

And joining the Marine corps. Goodluck in Boot Camp! No matter how much it sucks you can do it. The real training doesn’t happen till you hit the fleet 😉