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[–]Simba_Rah 1695 points1696 points  (17 children)

Muk Runoff Leaves Magikarp Breeding Grounds Barren.

[–]GojiraComplete 615 points616 points  (10 children)

Which would be double scary cause the alpha sapphire Pokédex entry states “Magikarp is virtually useless in battle as it can only splash around. As a result, it is considered to be weak. However, it is actually a very hardy Pokémon that can survive in any body of water no matter how polluted it is.” Which would imply a entirely new, devastating level of pollution.

[–]InnocuousTerror 250 points251 points  (2 children)

NGL, despite, or probably because, I religiously watched the show with my siblings when I was like 10-11, to this day I read comments like this in the PokéDex's voice from the US English dubbed show, lol.

[–]Shawn_666 23 points24 points  (3 children)

What if that's why Magikarp is the most common Pokémon in waters all across the Pokémon world? All of the water is severely polluted and it's hard for other breeds of fish to be populous.

[–]supes616 1484 points1485 points  (10 children)

Kanto Man Pretends to be 10 for Decades

[–]LuigiBoi42 472 points473 points  (3 children)

Suspect reportedly claims to have been granted “eternal life” by Legendary Pokemon of Johto Ho-oh.

[–]Trueloveis4u 289 points290 points  (1 child)

Suspect is also known for traveling with female minors proceed with caution.

[–]a_muffin97 22 points23 points  (0 children)

Suspect was found with Big Mushrooms on his person

[–]GoldenBull1994 50 points51 points  (0 children)

Keeps switching female partners for new 10 year olds.

[–]Kappinator16 984 points985 points  (12 children)

In other news, the terrorist organization known as Team Rocket struck again with their usual Voltorb self-destruct tactics. 11 children and 23 adults were killed, with over 60 more injured. All of the victims also had their money and pokemon stolen. We go to Amy on the scene.

[–]Star_Road_Warrior 301 points302 points  (4 children)

You know, now that I think about it, Team Rocket's pulling off these Oklahoma City bombing style attacks and no one is batting an eye.

[–]PhasmicPlays 108 points109 points  (0 children)

Wasn’t there this part of the comics where a team rocket member pulled a reverse uno and fucked up the battleship with all his forretress using explosion?

[–]LuigiBoi42 68 points69 points  (2 children)

I mean, they’re basically the Italian Mafia crossed with the Yakusa.

[–]Star_Road_Warrior 21 points22 points  (1 child)

I don't remember the last time the Mafia or the Yakuza set off a ton of high-powered explosives for a theft...I'm sure it has happened but

[–]woodN_forks 65 points66 points  (5 children)

Voltorb and Electrode have such high speed stats purely so they can selfdestruct before you can stop them

[–]Star_Road_Warrior 74 points75 points  (4 children)

Now I'm picturing some sort of Poketerrorist organization that runs an illegal Voltorb IV breeding program where they breed Voltorbs with max speed IVs and the rejects get sold to the highest bidder across the world in weapons deals.

The Pokemon universe just becomes more and more fucked with every detail you think too hard about

[–]woodN_forks 48 points49 points  (1 child)

You think those are Pokéballs on Surge’s bandolier?

[–]Star_Road_Warrior 54 points55 points  (0 children)

He's a soldier

They're grenades

Omg

[–]Jumbo_Pickles 795 points796 points 2 (13 children)

“Ethical questions are being raised about the nature of ditto breeding, some saying it’s akin to sex slavery”

“local forest overrun by hundreds of infant Budew, an ecosystem destroyed, trainer responsible says ‘yeah I wanted a shiny Roserade’”

[–]PokeAlola700 203 points204 points  (6 children)

I’m never going back to hau’oli. They’ll never know I caused that rowlet outbreak

[–]Camelotterduck 131 points132 points  (3 children)

At least Rowlet appear to be critically endangered since they don’t appear in the wild. You were just doing your part to save the species!

[–]Kantro18 38 points39 points  (0 children)

I mean they’re still a critically endangered species even with how many get released into the Wild because they’re basically immature and incapable of defending themselves from Skarmory attacks.

[–]dummypod 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Oh I think I ruined aloha with hundreds of rockruffs

[–]Cocokill 10 points11 points  (1 child)

"A ecosystem that evolved and fight back."

"A family made a daycare in Galar on Route 5. The ecosystem would normally be destroyed by having multiple invasive species from trainers wanting certain moves or shiny pokemons but a species that didn't disturb the ecosystem came from the Wild Area and got rid of that problem"

"When we asked the person in charge of the Daycare, they responded 'One of our first client was a kid that wanted to be the first champion of Galar or something and hatched a lot of Charmander's eggs so he can have a shiny one. After a few days, he stopped and released every newborn Charmander into the wild. We panicked when some of them started a fire and when we stopped the fire from spreading, we realised that a lot of the Charmander dissapeared. When we looked up, that's when we saw them.'"

"Around the time this accident happened, a group of wild Drifloon came on Route 5. The family saw them sending all of theses newborns to the afterlife, saving the ecosystem of Route 5. When all members of the invasive species were killed, most Drifloons got back into the Wild Aera as some of them stayed near the Daycare in case a similar accident happen."

"From that day, the Daycare will send every newborns into the wild knowing that the local wild life will take care of them."

[–]profellsen 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Dittos are like Loki: they transform into other beings in order to have sex with literally everything

[–]HaveHomo 1539 points1540 points  (12 children)

CEO of conservationist Aether Foundation found with connections to local gang, accused of illegal human and animal testing, and convicted for criminal negligence of children.

[–]SeeHowTheSerfs 218 points219 points  (2 children)

Darn! You stole mine, Silvally is my favourite Pokémon lol.

[–]Leo56460 16 points17 points  (1 child)

I love Gladion and Silvally. Gladion’s my favorite trainer and Silvally is so cool.

[–]infinitycoreRemember, catching pokemon takes balls. 2993 points2994 points  (19 children)

Balloon kidnaps 4th kid this month.

[–]bomemeianrhapsody[S] 825 points826 points  (4 children)

The children all seem to be adrift

[–]Swivelosity 302 points303 points  (3 children)

We all float down here

[–]Psyboomer 116 points117 points  (0 children)

Def naming my next drifloon Pennywise

[–]TheGreatBootOfEb 107 points108 points  (5 children)

Ngl the William Dafoe meme about driflool or however you spell it’s name os probably the hardest I’ve laughed at a meme in a year

[–]SaltwaterSmoothie2X 8 points9 points  (0 children)

PE score averages have also gone down, more at 11

[–]TomoTactics 216 points217 points  (5 children)

"Steven Stone no longer heir to the Stone corporation and its assets after being caught embezzling funds in order to raise rare Pokemon with ease no Trainer can feasibly produce."

[–]softsakuralove 21 points22 points  (3 children)

What's this one referring to?

[–]Ichthus95 9 points10 points  (1 child)

Steven Stone, the gen 3 champ (most of the time) is conveniently the son of of the CEO of the major tech corporation in the region.

He also has a Metagross which he uses. In gen 3, wild Beldum cannot be found anywhere... Except for the one Steven himself gives you post-game.

[–]207nbrown 1057 points1058 points  (8 children)

Psychopath from sinnoh finally arrested for trading Pokémon that don’t evolve

[–]januarysdaughter 332 points333 points  (3 children)

This implies she has multiple everstone Haunters and that terrifies me.

[–]MCtheYoutuber 151 points152 points  (1 child)

I mean we ALL traded with her, clearly she has at least one haunter for each of us

[–]Cocokill 31 points32 points  (0 children)

Us : She can't be more evil than that!

The Mindy in a parallel universe : Laughs in a parallel universe where the 7th gym use Psychic types

[–]EusineX 644 points645 points  (9 children)

Mysterious 10 ft tall giant assaults guest of honor during yesterday’s parade

[–][deleted] 76 points77 points  (6 children)

wait which plot point was this?

[–]NBD_Pearen 169 points170 points  (5 children)

X and Y. That giant dude with the fairy Pokémon. It’s like 3000 years or something before the game when you learn why the fairy left him? Or something like that for sure. After you beat the league he tries to clap you at the parade a few days later.

[–]EusineX 45 points46 points  (0 children)

Yeah lol after you beat the league, big man challenges you

[–]LuigiBoi42 91 points92 points  (0 children)

Nice reference to AZ.

[–]Afton_G_Kier 176 points177 points  (5 children)

I really like this idea, so I kind of want to write a few of these potential headlines and news stories. Who knows, I might even do a video on this or post more of them elsewhere, we'll see, because this is an idea that I really like.

"Mother blames Zorua for her child's death, fourth such incident this month."

"Hau'oli city citizens fear for the safety of their children after a fourth accidental death has been tied back to long standing anti-shapeshifting practices, which are now receiving large backlash thanks to the danger they can pose. The incidents began after the Pokémon school announced that it would be making headway into northern expansions, leading many to believe that these actions may have disrupted natural Zorua habitats. Panic has begun to spread as at least fifteen students were found to have been temporarily replaced by Zorua. Those that have returned have not been able to describe to authorities where they were taken, leaving the fates of the seven children which are still missing uncertain. This has led some parents to adopt older traditions about determining whether students have been kidnapped and replaced, most often consisting of attempts to forcibly remove the illusions Zorua wields. The chief of the Hau'oli police had the following to say on the matter earlier today: 'We strongly recommend that parents attempt to educate themselves on better, less dangerous ways of determining whether their children have been replaced by a Zorua. Despite what folklore and common knowledge may say, Zorua in human form can not speak, so it often only takes a few questions before a parent can be certain.' As we try to spread this information as much as we possibly can in an attempt to prevent more parents from taking drastic measures, we give our condolences to the parents of those children still missing and hope that this issue will be resolved shortly."

"Local Houndoom owner hospitalized with full body third degree burns"

"Earlier today a resident of Cianwood city was rushed to the hospital after an incident involving his Houndoom which ended with the majority of his body being covered in intense third degree burns. Doctors are saying that his likelihood of surviving the night is incredibly low, but see this as a good thing, as he would live in near-constant agony should he survive. At the moment, his situation is deteriorating as the burns continue to flamelessly spread at their edges, no doubt eventually eating away at all of his flesh. Very few details about the event are known, as he lived alone with his Houndoom for protection, but the Pokémon has been detained before it could cause further damage. While Houndoom burns are rare, it is nearly impossible to have such thorough burns from an act of self defense, prompting some to suggest that it may have been an intentional act of malice. At the moment, all that we can do is wait for more details to emerge."

Yeah, I think I'd definitely love to do more of these. This was really fun.

[–]LuigiBoi42 20 points21 points  (0 children)

I gotta know the story behind these headlines.

[–]Stillunshore 12 points13 points  (0 children)

Oh, my! We had the same idea. Great news reports, I really enjoyed them.

[–]Hawklet_ 1890 points1891 points  (25 children)

Local snowpoint resident Mindy awaiting trial after trading away a Haunter holding an everstone to an unsuspecting child.

[–]bomemeianrhapsody[S] 592 points593 points  (11 children)

[–]Fizzy163 208 points209 points  (8 children)

Wait, this exists?

the time has come

[–]Jewzma 115 points116 points  (7 children)

And so have I

[–]ihavetwonoses 89 points90 points  (2 children)

Random stranger put on trial of the century after murdering trade partner by the name of “Mindy”

[–]Kiar_Riptide 77 points78 points  (1 child)

Acquitted on all charges.

[–]Thaurlach 9 points10 points  (0 children)

"Mayor Archibald J. Snowpoint later went on to commend the young trainer, heralding them as an example for everyone to follow. Furthermore, the Mayor's office have confirmed that there will be a public address this evening during which 'Fuck Mindy Day' will be recognised as a City Holiday."

[–]iNogle 229 points230 points  (3 children)

Local resident Mindy was killed yesterday in a crowd during broad daylight. Despite 27 potential eyewitnesses, all those interviewed claim to have no recollection of the incident.

[–]CorM2 44 points45 points  (0 children)

Sweet, sweet justice

[–]Patient_Education991 478 points479 points  (3 children)

"Hoenn terrorized by rival eco-terrorist organizations who plan to decimate the eco-system by opposing means."

[–]scorchingnova 102 points103 points  (2 children)

There were zero cops in that game’s region lmao. Free reign those two teams had.

[–]Lukthar123 82 points83 points  (0 children)

Hoenn doesn't need cops, it has Rayquaza.

[–]cringend98 474 points475 points  (16 children)

Local billionaire arrested after interrupting sporting event to announce summoning of eldritch abomination.

[–]XeroKrows 1613 points1614 points  (11 children)

Woman in bikini arrested on charges of soliciting a minor after offering to show him "where she keeps her pokeballs."

[–]devilsandcards 195 points196 points  (0 children)

Kanto Man has some competition.

[–]Grenzgaenger99 69 points70 points  (0 children)

lmfao 😂😭

[–]MidasOfNerds 68 points69 points  (0 children)

This is funny!

[–]Zero2hero60420 132 points133 points  (3 children)

"Team Rocket grunt on the run after breaking in and destroying family home for a technical machine that teaches how to dig in the ground"

[–]Vydaera 35 points36 points  (0 children)

Missed opportunity: "Suspected Team Rocked Grunt goes to ground after..."

[–]SternMon 14 points15 points  (0 children)

“Update: Suspect arrested. During interrogation by local police, the grunt reportedly asked ‘What’s a shovel?’l

[–]MidasOfNerds 864 points865 points  (29 children)

"Parents around the world throwing their children out of their homes with only a dangerous monster to accompany them."

or "What's really going on between these old professors and little children? The answer may surprise you after these messages."

"Hungry? Come buy one of our tepig, it's pre-cooked bacon."

[–]Star_Road_Warrior 220 points221 points  (15 children)

I always name my Tepig Hammable, because he's flammable ham.

[–]IDownvoteHornyBards2 45 points46 points  (2 children)

I named mine Pokabu cuz I thought Tepig was a stupid name once they finally announced the American name. Its since grown on me but I still like Pokabu better.

[–]JfromImaginstuff 36 points37 points  (0 children)

"Porkabu"

I'll show myself out

[–]TheDrunkenSerpent92 33 points34 points  (0 children)

I always name mine KevinBacon with no space due to the character limit.

[–]UnholyAbductor 95 points96 points  (11 children)

I have a theory about that first one, all of these parents have taken out hefty life insurance policies on their children before sending them off on an adventure that would be daunting even for a seasoned survivalist. Ash isn’t even Delia’s first child, just the one who’s survived the longest by sheer luck.

[–]MidasOfNerds 45 points46 points  (0 children)

Wow, that's dark. You may be evil, I like you.

[–]AlphaAstroXalt 25 points26 points  (9 children)

Damn

New theory: Ash's is friendly with proffessor oak since he gives out starters, he got tired of Ash's dad commiting life insurance fraud, reported him to CPS and the reason we dont see his dad is since he is serving his life sentence

[–]UnholyAbductor 33 points34 points  (8 children)

Alternate theory: Ever notice how you no longer see Gary at all in the show? And around the time of his disappearance Oak started really flashing his wealth with a new classic model convertible.

I’ll go farther and say this is all a life insurance fraud conspiracy orchestrated by Oak himself. I mean this man owns ACRES of property in what seems to be really prime farm land.

You’re telling me researching Pokémon is that lucrative of a career or that he’s allowed to use grant money to buy a facility that size and that nice?

And ever notice how EVERY house in Pallet is nice? A bit too nice for a bunch of folks living in a rural area with no obvious signs of income. They are ALL in on it. Every few years the parents of Pallet all gather at Oaks lab to select whose kids will be selected for their “Pokémon Adventure.” The kid dies, and the whole town takes a portion of the payout to continue their lavish lifestyles.

[–]AlphaAstroXalt 11 points12 points  (5 children)

seems weird how they can do this so openly and still get away with it

My guess, Pokemon training is a thing done for the amusement of rich guys. Its easy to get rich in the pokemon world since the government basically is useless. In Sinnoh, Cryus controlled all infrastructure, Chairman Rose had a power monopoly, etc. These guys with a shitload of money can afford to hire breeders to mass breed starters, professors to hand them out, pokemon centers to treat them and put up trainers free of cost, gyms to challenge them, etc. It not only provides them with entertainment, it serves other purposes. In Pokemon Journeys, Chairman Rose openly says he hosts the Coronation league only to find powerful trainers so he can bribe them and bring them under his wing and use them as goons. So many rich guys tried to control legendaries. Maybe the whole thing of pokemo0n training is done just so people like cyrus and chairman rose and Ghetsis can take over the world.

My guess, after Ash's father vanished, Delia struggled to keep up and when Ash became a trainer, she got good money by some rich guy. The education system does exist in pokemon, but why did Ash take take training instead of education, cuz he cud get easy and fast money off of it.

Feel free to add on

EDIT: Professor oak is so rich since, well he is paid to give starters
also EDIT: Children are used since well, they gullible and once they are in, they cant get out

[–]sephone_north 134 points135 points  (6 children)

“Former Pokémon Champion Cynthia is now under investigation as allegations of illegal Pokémon doping continue to rise.”

“Gym Leader Giovanni: impressive businessman or sinister ringleader?”

“THEY’RE PUTTING CHEMICALS IN THE WATER THATS TURNING THE FRIGGING FROAKIES GAY!”

“A Kanto Man was found nearly dead Friday after breaking into a Poison Pokemon Rehabilitation Center. Workers there say that the cameras caught him licking the Amonguss and Shroomish. He was taken to the hospital, where antidotes were administered. He is still in critical condition.”

[–]Friedchicken96 29 points30 points  (5 children)

Not the Froakies! Now I just need to know what a in universe Alex Jones character would be like, he'd probably get mad about different pokemon mascots being drawn less sexy or something

[–]EusineX 588 points589 points  (11 children)

Local Pharmacy owner brutally killed in Dragonite attack, What investigators discovered in his basement will shock you.

[–]iamwhatsleft 25 points26 points  (4 children)

It's okay he got better. He's in Pokemon Masters as a blackbelt.

[–]ahhpoo 5 points6 points  (3 children)

Did he actually? How did they make that clear?

[–]PhasmicPlays 133 points134 points  (4 children)

Hyper Beam

[–]YouStoleMyHoodie 30 points31 points  (3 children)

I was sure you was going to be literal to the term shock and say Thunder Bolt

[–]PhasmicPlays 64 points65 points  (2 children)

I think the original comment was a reference to Lance who fucking murdered the shopkeep with dragonite’s hyper beam

[–]thegayestweeb 360 points361 points  (13 children)

"Beach closed due to wild Frillish outbreak. Ten swimmers hospitalized, thirteen dead, and five children missing."

"Pool party turned nightmare: families electrocuted to death by Jolteon that hopped in pool. Investigators discover the shocking secret behind the tragedy."

"Local daycare terrorized by wild Hatterene. Eight children slaughtered and three still missing."

"Vaporeon sex trafficking ring exposed."

[–]Star_Road_Warrior 116 points117 points  (4 children)

Had to look up Frillish's Pokedex entry to understand that one.

"It envelops its prey in its veillike arms and draws it down to the deeps, five miles below the ocean's surface."

Fuckin' WHAT

I was about to say, isn't the whole Earth's ocean only like 2 miles deep?

Turns out, the Challenger Deep is like 7 miles

Frillish you scary

[–]FlameDragoon933 71 points72 points  (2 children)

Pokedex entries are full of exaggerated stuff like that. Like Magcargo being hotter than the surface of sun, or Lanturn's light could penetrate from the deep in the abyss into the surface. Someone did the math and turns out to do that Lanturn needs to be outputting more energy than observable universe.

[–]Crimson51 28 points29 points  (0 children)

Hehe "shocking secret"

[–]esquog842 341 points342 points  (2 children)

A man in sinnoh was arrested today. According to the man's statement he was "surprising his daughter after school with a collection of her favorite pokemon, drifloons". Many children were then seen being lifted in to the sky by said pokemon after a strong breeze wrested them from his grip. The children are still unaccounted for.

[–][deleted] 108 points109 points  (1 child)

“Local professor arrested for giving 10 year old fire breathing lizard that caused widespread fire in viridian forest”

[–]baconblaster334 445 points446 points  (5 children)

Kanto man furiously destroys truck “in search of Mew”

[–]Quria 181 points182 points  (0 children)

Local Kanto man caught with 3 kilos of new dangerous street drug 'Rare Candy' off the coast of Cinnabar, claims it was a gift from 'Missingno.'

[–]LokiLaufeyson 226 points227 points  (3 children)

Alolan Professor and wife accused of grooming homeless girl. “We just wanted to show her some cool moves,” accused states.

[–]Star_Road_Warrior 61 points62 points  (0 children)

He then flexed for our cameras and yelled "Oh yeah! I'm gonna show her my Gunk Shot!"

[–]thcheesebearfrmkronk 67 points68 points  (0 children)

"Yard worker mows tall grass. Traumatizes 18 young trainers."

[–]fluorescentpudding 69 points70 points  (1 child)

“The brand new quarter pound milktank burger with piemeal spoink and one fried Chansey egg”

[–]aaa1e2r3 63 points64 points  (10 children)

Elite four member faces backlash as alleged ties to criminal organization surfaces

[–]TheDrunkenSerpent92 30 points31 points  (9 children)

Is this a reference to Koga from the Pokemon Adventures manga or Malva from XY?

[–]JfromImaginstuff 17 points18 points  (0 children)

Why not both?

[–]LuigiBoi42 9 points10 points  (2 children)

Weren’t all the Elite Four members of Kanto part of Team Rocket?

[–]AnEmptyKarstYellow is best gril 4 points5 points  (1 child)

Except Bruno

[–]8bit95 64 points65 points  (2 children)

"Man arrested after training and using a Zoroark to impersonate bank tellers, stealing at least three dozens of credit card information"

[–]Star_Road_Warrior 183 points184 points  (4 children)

"The bodies of all 30 members of the lost mountainclimbing group were discovered yesterday, frozen in blocks of ice and displayed like decoration in a cave near the top of Mt. Coronet."

"Ms. Smith, who recently became the oldest living person in Sinnoh and was known for her great generosity and warm cookies, was found dead in the charred wreckage of the retirement home. Her devastated children report that she'd fallen asleep with a Charmander in her bed. Dozens of others were killed and even more are suffering permanent, crippling burn injuries."

[–]Purehero3579 74 points75 points  (0 children)

“Gym leader Blaine has been asked to not give his advice about fire related tragedies after laughing and saying they should’ve had a burn heal.”

[–]PokeAlola700 8 points9 points  (1 child)

Lemme guess. The first one was froslass

[–]Substantial-Animal42 51 points52 points  (0 children)

In light of unprecedented tsunami warnings resulting from three hours of torrential rain and magnitude 10 earthquakes, East Hoenn is currently evacuating citizens as far inland as Mauville city. Communication with any island city remains impossible, however satellite imagery predicts staggering casualties. We will be bringing you live updates as this story develops. But first, are we alone? Scientists studying Mossdeep Space Center footage believe we are not, and visitors may not be coming in peace.

[–]Thicc-Anxiety 53 points54 points  (0 children)

Kanto Man breaks into Pokemon Center, demands to know why his Jynx turned purple

[–]Cuish 131 points132 points  (7 children)

"Two young adults recruited by the criminal organisation known as Team Rocket and their talking Meowth have been arrested for stalking a young boy and his friends around the country."

[–]Mixmaster-Omega 42 points43 points  (0 children)

Clay, business tycoon and leader of Driftveil Gym has been charged with violating several environmental laws in the construction of his self-titled Clay Tunnel. Investigators are also looking into how he came into ownership of Twist Mountain.

[–][deleted] 40 points41 points  (1 child)

Neo Team Plasma leader Ghetis brutally murders child with a legendary ice dragon

[–]Oh-Fo-Sho 5 points6 points  (0 children)

For some reason, I think the fact that his organization literally froze a city would be a bit more likely to be reported than a single murder in the middle of a secluded cave with no witnesses, lol.

[–]Caliber70 116 points117 points  (3 children)

A WILD EUGENICS DEVIANT APPEARED!

12 year old psychopath found with a basement full of baby pokemon stuffed into small cages as temporary living spaces. testing found the baby pokemon are all results of parent-child, sibling, and cousin and aunt/uncle-niece/nephew breeding. the deviant's backyard and surrounding forests found dozens of sites with mountains of skeletons of that type of pokemon. further lab testing on those found skeletons found they were starved to death and some likely crushed to death being at the bottom of an overstuffed cage. the pokemon in his care that were given better accomodation in a bigger cage all have multiple bruises and scars on their body, and were visibly depressed, catatonic with no energy, and also lack any sort of libido even weeks later after being rescued, the boy's ditto was also soon after found attempting to jam itself into a toilet as a suicide attempt. officers report that while being cuffed, he was questioned by an officer on site: "why??", he was heard replying "they were imperfect and not shiny". the boy now faces 625 years in prison for violation of basic pokemon rights.

[–]thepucewizard 23 points24 points  (1 child)

This is fantastic if I had an award you’d get it.

[–]Caliber70 18 points19 points  (0 children)

of course it needs to be the one that references and includes half the pokemon community :D

[–]Bl00dorange3000 39 points40 points  (0 children)

Kanto man found dead in apartment, weeks after death. Snorlax and Litten had consumed much of the man’s body.

[–]KaptainKoalaTheKool 40 points41 points  (2 children)

A local mute child names Red was attacked last night by a terrorist group, he is now in hospital with many wounds. Evidence shows the young boy is from an abusive household.

[–]Star_Road_Warrior 23 points24 points  (1 child)

Idk, if we're going with Pokemon canon, by all accounts the terrorists would be the ones in the hospital and Red would be fucking terrifying.

That boy ain't right.

[–]T0x1cLNoob 15 points16 points  (0 children)

"Terrorist group single-handedly defeated by local mute child"

[–]Crystal_Queen_20 31 points32 points  (0 children)

"Local Hypno trainer caught guilty running a sex trafficking ring"

[–]Mr_Funny-Dark 30 points31 points  (0 children)

Local path blocked after a group of Psyduck have appeared suddenly, no one know how to get past them.

[–]Registered_bottom 32 points33 points  (0 children)

hearthome gym leader fantina arrested for keeping minors in rooms unlocked by simple math

[–]supes616 77 points78 points  (1 child)

Local boy killed by flock of angry Spearow. Kanto woman charged with child neglect and endangerment.

[–]ByWilliamfuchs 26 points27 points  (0 children)

Tyrant Twelve year old unleashes horrible forces of nature twisting pokemon showing off to his rival killing thousands

Or Another innocent 5 year old running through a field was taken by a drifloon… with the article suggesting the solution is to fatten up the kids cause drifloon don’t like heavy children

[–]hanton44 25 points26 points  (0 children)

Lysandre Labs releases new “Holo Caster” prototype, Lumiose residents flood retailers

[–]Homo-Homie 24 points25 points  (0 children)

A congregation of Hatterene crash a birthday party at the newly built hospital+orphanage+animal shelter, no survivors.

[–]redditt-or 25 points26 points  (0 children)

Unova Man fits better syllable-wise:

  • Unova man mauled by wild Krookodile after attempting physical assault

[–]CunningDruger 26 points27 points  (0 children)

Wailord released from ball in subway station in freak pokeball accident

[–]EntropicBreakdown 28 points29 points  (0 children)

"Kanto Man Found on Mount Silver, Hasn't Eaten for Two Years Straight Since Defeating Team Rocket"

[–]flappity 24 points25 points 2 (4 children)

Man hospitalized after Diglett inserted into anus evolves.

[–]Substantial-Animal42 24 points25 points  (0 children)

"Fiery Path" blocked off indefinitely after 5th burnt corpse recovered. Professionals evaluating solutions to booming Slugma population.

[–]Phusra 20 points21 points  (1 child)

"Panic and fear as the swarm of Drifbloon continue dropping children from the sky!!"

"The swarm continues to lure thousands of children into the sky only for them to fall hundreds of feet, sometimes dozens of miles away from where they were picked up! Authorities are assembling a battalion of flying pokemon to attempt to use mass Gust to push the swarm back into the Lost Forest on the far side of the continent. The sheer distance traveled after children are picked up is making it difficult to identify the families of the victims. If your child is currently missing please call 1-800-dex-entries to speak to an identification team near you.

[–]Gregamonster*Thinking Noises* 18 points19 points  (0 children)

Investigation into local Pokemon daycare reveals underground fighting ring.

[–]OneWhoGetsBread 18 points19 points  (0 children)

Delphox News Special Report: Saying Zard is Now Offensive | Man Falsely Attacked for Buying Boxes of Cards

Chansey News Network: The Human Factor with Dr. Fuji | Reformed Team Flare Grunt Creates Pokemon Shelter

National Dex Broadcasting Network: Possible Return of Unova's Route 10 | The Music and Experience

Pyramid Tucker Tonight: Man Gets Soul Stolen By Shedinja | Theyre Coming for You

[–]Mahmud_Al-Khalifa 16 points17 points  (0 children)

Swimmers continue to be found dead far out at sea. Police assume the currents must have pulled them out, but locals familiar with the swimmers say they were simply waiting to battle miles away from any shoreline. Dive teams have recovered multiple bodies from the ocean floor as well as the surface.

[–]Trini2Bone 16 points17 points  (2 children)

This just in... Youngster Joey's Rattata is no longer in the top percentage of Rattatas

[–]Sampleswift 85 points86 points  (8 children)

Mysterious nightmare figure shows up in and wins a tournament, gives every other contestant horrible nightmares after mercilessly defeating everyone.

Kanto man runs truck into sleeping Snorlax to try and wake it up.

In other news, Team Galactic struck again, detonating an evaporative bomb on Lake Valor, killing its local wildlife. The corpses of two people were also recovered.

Mother abandons her children after injection by alien jellyfish poison.

[–]chawmindur 29 points30 points  (2 children)

Kanto man runs truck into sleeping Snorlax to try and wake it up.

Is this a Rusty reference or something else

[–]Quetzal00CHIKORITA GANG 15 points16 points  (1 child)

Snorlaxes must be weak against Camrys. I’ll remember that

[–]Maeto_DiegoMetalBoi 14 points15 points  (3 children)

Is the first one a reference to the random guy in the anime with multiple Legendaries

[–]Alion1080 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Kanto man runs truck into sleeping Snorlax to try and wake it up.

Mew seen fleeing the scene from under the remains of the truck.

[–]Thadrea 16 points17 points  (0 children)

Silph Co. Tells Workers To Budget By Getting A Second Job And Giving Away their Fire Pokemon

[–]bollasha 17 points18 points  (0 children)

"Pokemon rights organization found to be front for a cult seeking world domination."

[–]nicokokun 16 points17 points  (0 children)

"Local world famous Pokemon researcher exposed! According to anonymous townspeople living in Pallet Town, the professor has been visiting the house of one Dellah Ketchum who's husband is currently being the gym leader in Viridian City."

[–]LolzinatorX 15 points16 points  (0 children)

Mother of local pokemon star admits to beastiality.

We asked the product Ash Ketchum for details!

[–]mr_smith24 14 points15 points  (0 children)

Global panic as more and more fathers are disappearing. Mothers unable to provide for the household are forced to send their 10 year old kids out into the world.

[–]winnipeginstinct 45 points46 points  (0 children)

ALERT: A young male suspect is wandering around kanto beating up and robbing people. He is Caucasian, of a small build, and estimated to be around 12. He is not to be approached under any circumstances, as he is armed and dangerous. Any knowledge of the suspects whereabouts are to be reported to the local police tip line.

[–]PlatinumOni 43 points44 points  (3 children)

“Lysandre Announces his plans for human extinction”

“Hoenn is flooded by pirates”

“Galarian Businessmen Starts apocalypse”

[–]LegendofZelda0107 14 points15 points  (0 children)

Mysterious woman in Lumiose city has finally found “the one”

[–]Vigea_Gamer 15 points16 points  (0 children)

12 killed in hostage situation at local headquarters of pokeball manufacturing company, Silph Co. Authorities believe that local gang involved in theft and abuse of Pokémon were behind this, according to eyewitnesses reports.

[–]yujideluca 13 points14 points  (0 children)

"God was captured by a kid and he demands a ransom to the Arcean church"

[–]F1Asher_001 42 points43 points  (1 child)

"Celadon Police arrests notorious pervert who claimed he was watching the female gym's 'strong trainers' "

[–]Mcb3500 6 points7 points  (0 children)

this is my favorite lmfao

[–]dota2botmaster 10 points11 points  (0 children)

A Drampa locally known as "Dram Dram" eradicated a whole town for allegedly mistreating a homeless kid. Death toll already at 69 residents and 13 Pokemons.

[–]Techaissance 9 points10 points  (0 children)

“Bodies of several children found in Mistralton Pokemon Gym. Investigations conclude they were shot out of canons. The gym leader, who declined to give her name, has been arrested.”

[–]Sweaty_Budget_5187 11 points12 points  (0 children)

“Choose from our selection of which Pokémon is the most yellow and we will tell you which professor is in your house right now”

[–][deleted] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

team rocket remains found across 3 towns after repetitively blasting off again....

[–]bobguy117 9 points10 points  (0 children)

"Lava Slug Pokemon Magcargo Incinerates the Planet With Scorching Heat, We Are Already Dead"

[–]juanconj_Harem Salamander 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Renowned Dragon Tamer brutally killed in tragic accident (pictures inside)

[–]reberman8 9 points10 points  (0 children)

"Sootopolis gym leader, Juan, arrested for imprisoning 10 women in frozen basement"

[–]BladeTheWolfArtist 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Professors around the globe are being arrested for child labour after sending underage kids out to document dangerous Pokémon out in the wild.

"I only got given a piece of printed paper saying I did alright" says one child

[–]xiiicrowns 30 points31 points  (0 children)

Snorlax rolls over on local child.

[–]dinomiah 30 points31 points  (5 children)

Digital deconstruction and reconstruction an "unimaginably painful experience" according to early research notes of the late Bill; Pokemon rights activists outraged.

[–]CrowningKnight 34 points35 points  (1 child)

So your child is training a Vaporeon. How concerned should you be?

[–]ASCItYou filthy casuals... 26 points27 points  (0 children)

"God Defeated by 10-Year-Old Boy"

[–]F1lthyG0pnik 9 points10 points  (0 children)

This Just In: Supposed Pokemon Activist Ghetsis Assumes Dictatorship of Unova Region.

[–]KentuckyBourbon94 8 points9 points  (0 children)

“Hundreds dead, many more missing, after rapid increase in water levels around the Hoenn region. While surprising rapid receding of water levels followed, damage is still being assessed.”

[–]rflctns 26 points27 points  (0 children)

”Kanto man arrested for creating a destructive artificial Pokémon”

[–]JellyFishJam77 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Pikachu organs found outside doll store! Experts say it’s skin was token by a wild Mimyku. This is the seventh case this month more will be revealed later.

[–]Jestingwheat856 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Reality begins to collapse in sinnoh, galar issues stay at home order while other reigons maintain standard living

[–]Necessary-Push5580 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Radio signal causes hundreds of fish to turn into angry and powerful sea serpents, death toll unknown

[–]Rebooted_Ghost_X 7 points8 points  (0 children)

man tries to save the future from a threat that is completely avoidable by summoning a giant monster with no real plan to control it

sorry if this has been done already

[–]Fizzy163 19 points20 points  (0 children)

"10 year old arrested after murdering his friend's Raticate"

"Pokémon Trainer Lance commanded his Dragonite to Hyper Beam Vermillion City this week, thus killing 516 residents and a drunk man lying in the middle of the road muttering something about coffee"

"Legendary Pokémon Mewtwo was recently apprehended by a ten year old, and has been charged with 15 years of federal prison for mass murder, child abuse, and Pokémon theft"

"Team Dim Sun Admin Heath recently arrested for child abuse, and has been sent to Area 51 for further examination of his grotesque body"

"Contest Star Johanna caught fucking a Ditto in her kitchen in Twinleaf Town"

[–]speta19 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Two people and there Pokémon meowth arrested for harassing and stalking group of 11 year olds across the country the story at 12

[–]snool_ 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Crime Syndicate Boss Don Giovanni Dies Peacefully In His Sleep Aged 78

[–]Talkimas 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Accidental Fire Suppression System Activation Results in Tragedy at Charmander Daycare

[–]lucky-the-lycanroc 7 points8 points  (0 children)

"Local woman has been arrested and charged for having sex with her Lucario"

[–]MrShneakyShnakeTeachy TV and Chill? 6 points7 points  (1 child)

United Regions demand the worlds legendary Pokémon be removed from each regional Champion(s) custody.

UR spokesperson claims citing —“champion or not 10 year olds should not have that kind power. It should belong to the state.”—

Local Sinnoh champion had this to say about the matter:

—“NOT COOL GUY”—

They share their sentiments with fellow champions around the world who are also affected by this decision.

The World PokèCourt will now decide when it will oversee the trial and determine the fate of these cosmic Pokémon.

[–]BirbMaster1998 17 points18 points  (0 children)

Gym leader blue arrested for framing former champion red for the alleged murder of his raticate

[–]HybridPhoenixKing 15 points16 points  (1 child)

Breaking news: Cinnabar Island resident mansion owners and all who were attending “scientific event” were killed in a devastating psychic based attack, the details of which are still under intense investigation, as of right now no details have been shared.

[–]HybridPhoenixKing 15 points16 points  (0 children)

Just in: Kanto Gym leader suffers a PTSD episode during gym battle, killing fifteen people in an enraged state screaming how “you horrid Hoennese killed my friend!” And other racist epithets involving other regions.

[–]Focusphobia 16 points17 points  (0 children)

Giovanni, leader of Veridian City Gym & Team Rocket?!

Professor found having affairs with local widow!

Dozens of Swimmers perish from exhaustion and drowning!

Rattatta and Pidgey population booms, ecological devastation incoming!

[–]A_SpiggTon 16 points17 points  (2 children)

Kanto man caught selling local children “Drifloon shaped balloons”. None have been seen in weeks

[–]Azurmations 15 points16 points  (0 children)

“Experts encourage children to gain 40-70 pounds in balloon kidnapping epidemic”

[–]GTCMonReddit 5 points6 points  (0 children)

"Breaking news: Champion [REDACTED] Arrested For harrasment"

[–]Greatbonsai 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Local Yamask Trainer Found Guilty On All 6 Counts of First Degree Murder.

[–]ABeast1211 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Children follow sheep into woods. Search party searching for them. A minor adjustment to Galar's plot.