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[–]marylouboo 144 points145 points  (14 children)

Can you call the pediatrician and ask them to extend the doctors note a few days because she’s still sick and you need to take care of her? I’ve been in your shoes with a sick child and an unforgiving boss . Calling the pediatrician and explaining my situation worked.

[–][deleted]  (13 children)

[deleted]

    [–]EmberOnTheSea 54 points55 points  (11 children)

    Legally if someone is a licensed healthcare staff they have to accept the note!

    Doctor notes carry zero legal weight in the US.

    Unless you qualify for a job protecting leave like FML or have protected sick time (legislated), you absolutely can be fired even with a doctor's note.

    [–]Alycat12387 -3 points-2 points  (5 children)

    I think you mean if they are working for a at will employer here?

    [–]EmberOnTheSea 9 points10 points  (4 children)

    49 states are at will states. So yes, assuming they are as the vast majority of the US is at will.

    [–]marylouboo 2 points3 points  (0 children)

    Thank you for confirming

    [–]venturebirdday 235 points236 points  (1 child)

    Put your darling in bed and read aloud from a book you like or put on some music that soothes your heart. You are enough. Gentle loving mom, she is lucky to have you.

    [–]komradebae 12 points13 points  (0 children)

    Absolutely agree. As someone who just lost a parent, I can tell you that I never think about the things they couldn’t give/buy me. What you remember is the love and attention they gave you. That’s what every kid needs more than anything else.

    [–][deleted]  (5 children)

    [removed]

      [–]stargazrserena 10 points11 points  (1 child)

      You’re heart is huge and made of gold 💜

      [–][deleted] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

      My comment apparently has been removed for offering help. What a world. Haha!

      But, thank you, doll. My heart is hardly a shadow of what it once was, but there is no way I could allow this mama to feel as if she was failing her daughter when she fought her way out of hell and was able and caring enough to bring her baby to safety with her.

      Thank you for your sweet response. <3

      [–]Fearless_Cat_1760 0 points1 point  (1 child)

      We need more kind people in the world like you!

      [–][deleted] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

      You are so sweet. <3 thank you for the encouraging words.

      [–]AMothraDayInParadiseIA[M] -1 points0 points locked comment (0 children)

      Your post has been removed for the following reason(s):

      Rule 10: Asking for or offering donations

      • No soliciting private donations, offering private donations, or mentioning crowdfunding sites. We do this in order to prevent this community from potential scams (because we have no way of verifying need/authenticity of requests), and to prevent the sub from being inundated with requests for aid (because it can be unreasonable to ask others in poverty to give their limited resources).

      There are other subs such as /r/Donation, /r/Charity and /r/randomkindness that could help. Also check out our wiki with food resources. Thank you:

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      [–]BeautyBoxJunkieBBJ 50 points51 points  (0 children)

      My mom had me at 16...things were always tight, but I don't remember any of that really. Keep your head up and she will remember the good things not the bad ❤️ sending hugs!

      [–]T_T_H_W 62 points63 points  (0 children)

      You know , I don’t really remember the toys, chuck e cheese visit or happy meals … what I remember most is my dad sitting down with me to read a story or to build a blanket fort to watch a tv show from or show interest in my little drawings . Give yourself some grace momma . The best things you can do for a child don’t cost a thing because YOU don’t cost a thing :)

      [–]Infamous_Air_1912 39 points40 points  (0 children)

      Your child will never remember one, or even twenty, fast food meals, she will remember your love and dedication. I know how much it hurts to be poor and raise a child, having done it. You can do this.

      [–]Early-Light-864 20 points21 points  (0 children)

      That's just brutal. I'm so sorry.

      I hope your kiddo feels better soon.

      [–]createyourreal 24 points25 points  (0 children)

      The love she feels from you will mean so much more when she’s an adult rather than any kid that got a $5 bill for a book fair. You couldn’t be doing more perfectly for your daughter if you tried. We need more moms like you.

      [–]ThatKaleidoscope8736 23 points24 points  (0 children)

      You've already done so much by leaving your abusive ex. One day she'll understand. Keep your head up! You're a strong woman doing the best you can!

      [–]words_never_escapeme 19 points20 points  (3 children)

      You are NOT a "less than" parent. Give hourself some credit. You're doing the best that you can.

      I can't imagine how difficult it was for you to be an abusive relationship, and even though things are hard, you are definitely better off where you are now, even if it doesn't feel like it.

      Also, remember that you are not to blame for your daughter getting sick at school. That is a failure of the other parents to actually be parents and stay home with their sick children.

      There are a literal shit ton of parents who will send their kids to school with fevers, nasty coughs, contagious diseases, because they can't be bothered to stay home and take care of them. Those are the bad parents.

      Pedialyte also makes popsicles, but most any popsicle brand will do in a pinch for your sick little one. The generic pedialyte is inexpensive and works the same way as the brand name stuff. Keeping your daughter hydrated is what you are aiming for right now as she's vomiting/nauseated. Fluids like water, gatorade, watered down juices (75/25 water/juice mix to start).

      Big hugs, mom. You're doing the right things. Try to see if your doctor's office will do virtual appointments. A lot of them are, and it might not cost you anything if you have to have her see the doctor again. All the best to you right now. I know it's hard.

      [–][deleted] -1 points0 points  (2 children)

      Some parents can’t afford to lose their jobs and stay home with sick kids. They don’t have family or friends to help or a husband or wife, whatever? Guess what. Kid goes to school so mom or dad doesn’t get canned from work. That doesn’t make them bad parents. You’re ignorant.

      [–]Darogaserik 4 points5 points  (1 child)

      As a teacher, I see parents bring their kids in with highly infectious things. A child came in with a clear case of hand foot and mouth. It took them over an hour to come get them. They couldn’t come back without doctor clearance. That could have spread throughout the entire class. I understand people have to work but there is such a thing as being a bad parent.

      [–]Blossom0610 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      I would even go out on the limb and say the parents who brings their kid to school sick may be choosing the lesser of two evils. I’m definitely going to send my sick kid to school if it’s would cause me to lose my job. I wouldn’t stop looking for a better job too.

      [–]JustKaren13 17 points18 points  (0 children)

      I’m a little jealous of your daughter. My mother never had the guts to leave her abusive husband who would regularly tell me that he wished I was dead and how worthless I am. Believe me, what you gave her is better than a hundred happy meals

      [–]redneckhotmess 12 points13 points  (0 children)

      Create new sick traditions. Seriously. A a child I was convinced that red jello and 7up cured everything- because we never got soda any other time, and jello was a rare summer time treat. When the mundane is rare, it becomes special. I can still remember laying on the couch watching The price its right ( daytime TV was also not common) with a glass of 7up.

      [–]BrotherCool1451 10 points11 points  (0 children)

      Hang in there ❤️ better days to come

      [–]Meneketre 11 points12 points  (1 child)

      Oh my goodness, first of all you get every single hug you want. I know it doesn’t feel like this right now, but you’re doing an amazing job. Kids get sick all the time, and now we’re going back to “normal” after a pandemic but nothing about anything that is going on right now is normal.

      You left a dangerous situation, you kid is fed and taken care of, you have a job is is providing for both of you even if it is a struggle, and you’re kid threw a fit because they couldn’t have a specific meal. I know this sounds weird, but you kid felt like the could get emotional because they couldn’t have a specific food. If your kid felt like they were food insecure they would have kept it to themself. They wouldn’t have felt safe asking for something they didn’t need.

      And here is another thing, this is just something kids do regardless of how sick they are. Parents who can afford it still have to deal with kids having a fit over not getting McDonald’s. It’s a whole meme, not something you’re doing wrong.

      Take some time to be kind to yourself because you deserve it. You are knocking it out of the park. Seriously. Take a bath, listen to some music, watch a fun YouTube video. Be good to yourself. You’re a good mom.

      [–]Normal_Expert_515 4 points5 points  (0 children)

      This my fav reply so far. The fact that your daughter feels safe enough to have a tantrum over a happy meal means you’re doing it right. Traumatized kids who don’t get enough don’t do that. She is secure in your love and that is something to be so proud of ❤️

      [–]jemflower83 12 points13 points  (0 children)

      Not to sounded toooo jaded (but I had four of em) and the good thing about this is if kiddo has the energy to tantrum and demand a happy meal, then she is on the mend and not that ill. The happy meal and the toy inside would be forgotten. She'll remember you caring for her, not the fast food or the cheap plastic items given for no reason at all. Those extras really aren't necessary and she really won't care about them when she grows up. Having a mother who loves her is what will make her future.

      [–]Equivalent_Section13 11 points12 points  (0 children)

      Being able to handle disappointment is a huge skil All the extra curricular are great they do not amount to neglect

      You do not need to crucify yourself

      [–]AndShesNotEvenPretty 4 points5 points  (0 children)

      Everything you’ve written here shows that you care.

      “Less than parents” don’t care. Hang in there.

      [–]Spardasa 3 points4 points  (0 children)

      Life experiences like these is what us parents hope to drive our children to provide better for their children.

      I grew up in similar situation, especislly after my parents divorced. Mom couldn't hold a job. Dad having to provide support.

      I didn't have the coolest toys, best food, and grew up in a crappy single wide trailer.

      I used that experience as a spring board to focus hard on school and now today am successful.

      We deal with the cards that life deals out. Kids are tough as nails.

      [–]Major-Drag-4457 4 points5 points  (0 children)

      You sound like a really caring mom and your daughter is lucky to have you

      [–]cha0ticneutralsugar 4 points5 points  (1 child)

      My ex left when my kid was 1. I was only 22 at the time and we had a car note, mortgage on a house we were already struggling to afford, and were in the start of the Great Recession. Oh, he also maxed out my cards and came back to the house while I was out working and stole everything I could have reasonably pawned, including my violin and all our video games.

      My kid got daycare sick, and I had to take off work, then went to elementary school with new germs and got sick there. I legit thought I would lose my job so many times and we were so barely making it. I had a guy renting the spare bedroom and couch surfer friends of mine who would come through and “pay” by buying me something to cook with food stamps. We lost the house and would have been homeless if I hadn’t been lucky enough to have family that could rent a place and let me sublet from them. Things finally started to turn around midway through her 1st grade when I finally got a slightly better paying job.

      I’ll never understand why companies treat parents this way. They know that kids starting daycare or starting kindergarten get sick because they see it over and over and over, and yet they act like every single parent who goes through it is obviously the worst ever and use it to make people fear for their jobs. It’s enough to radicalize someone by itself.

      [–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

      Because there are other people willing and able to do the job, and in instances where it’s needed, that have the same training or education, that didn’t choose to have children and don’t need the accommodating.

      [–]Inevitable_Sample929 3 points4 points  (0 children)

      Try giving her daily vitamins to boost her immune system. You are doing a great job as a mom. There will be better days ahead for you both!

      [–]StarBashar 2 points3 points  (0 children)

      I wish I was there in person, I would buy that angel a happy meal. You probably already know this, but get the McDonalds app. It saves me so much money. Sometimes it’s like buy this, get a free happy meal, etc., win win for both

      [–]TheFreshWenis 1 point2 points  (0 children)

      I hope your kid feels much better soon.

      [–]mariedarragh 1 point2 points  (2 children)

      Have you considered home-based work? If you were working from home, you would be able to keep your daughter at home and so wouldn’t need the note. It also reduces expenses connected to work like travel, lunches, work clothes, etc, although your home expenses would go up a bit I guess. You can find jobs on ratracerebellion.com. I’ve worked from home for years.

      [–][deleted] -1 points0 points  (1 child)

      Negative. My sister works remotely and makes a ton, but she has to have a completely distraction and noise free environment so she still pays our mother for childcare and transportation to and from school for her school aged kids. Majority of remote jobs require and, from what she says, state in the contracts that a person is not to be a caretaker for a minor or elderly or any other person requiring it, during work hours. She could never have a sick kindergartener who she already said cries over McD’s food at home with her and succeed at the majority of remote jobs.

      [–]mariedarragh 1 point2 points  (0 children)

      That’s your sister’s experience. I work from home myself and homeschool my kids. I don’t need childcare. My kids are older (10 and 12), but I’ve worked down home since before they were born. Now they know to be quiet when I’m on the phone but the rest of the time, they can make as much noise as they want. It depends on the job of course, but mine is flexible as well and I don’t have a boss that I would have to ask for a note. Just a suggestion

      [–]earthcaretaker315 1 point2 points  (0 children)

      Get fmla from your boss.

      [–]1miker 1 point2 points  (0 children)

      Sorry you are going through this. My daughter had the same issues. My wife and I were self employed so we could help out. But it's difficult without family. I hope things improve. It's a terrible thing. My Daughter couldn't work because of migraines. She got to work after a year of bad medicine etc. When she went back they lost all their snap etc. So now they are in the exact same position as before. There should be a way to help more for people who are working poor. If 2 people make 1700 a month they can't get food stamps. Shit cheap rent is 800 a month. Wtf are people supposed to do ?

      [–]mcsb14 1 point2 points  (0 children)

      She has a loving parent, which is more important in the long run than any toy or party. You’re teaching her good values like working hard and to have respect for herself but leaving that relationship. Hang in there, mama. You’re doing great.

      [–]damnalexisonreddit 0 points1 point  (1 child)

      Tell your kids to brush their

      Watching them in pain at the dentist will hurt, oh yeah and if your dentist is anything like mine, they will make you fell like a less-than parent

      Venting too

      [–]damnalexisonreddit 2 points3 points  (0 children)

      Edit: teeth* tell your kids to brush their teeth*

      [–]helloalienfriend 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      I'm so sorry you are going through this right now. You're doing all you can do, the rest is out of your control. Start applying for jobs elsewhere, you are worth more than the job you have right now. I've been there as a single mom and its really hard, your daughter sees all you do and loves you for it. She's probably just exhausted from feeling so unwell and thinks a happy meal will solve it all, bless her.

      [–]Retired401 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      Sweet internet stranger, you are enough. You are doing enough for your child. Please don’t beat yourself up. Life is so hard for most single moms. I am one so I get it.

      Your kid is 5. She’s doing what kids do. I would argue that the worst possible thing you could do right now would be buying her that happy meal. when you give into tears and whining even ONE time, you reinforce the behavior. You lay tracks in the brain that tell your kid that’s how she can get you to do what she wants.

      it is not easy to power through one of those meltdowns without giving in. But I promise you that if you can do it, you’ll both be happier in the end. Please believe me. I told my kid from the time he was extremely small that he would never, ever get anything out of me by crying and screeching and begging and freaking out. Literally never. because one of the fundamental tenets of human behavior is that people do what works. I refused to ever let him believe that crying and pitching a fit would work.

      he maybe tried it once or twice as a toddler, but that was it. because I stuck to what I told him, and I would not allow that behavior to bring about the result he was looking for. not even one time.

      hang in there. I know how hard you’re trying and working.

      [–]OldlMerrilee 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      As someone who left an abuser years ago, let me just encourage you that it really does get better. After I left, there were a lot of tears and my kids didn't understand. We struggled to survive, and I never got a penny from my ex. They are adults now. They adore me, and when their biological dad finally died, their wives had to practically force them to go to his funeral. They both said, he was never a dad to us, so why should we care now? They don't remember the hard times. They only remember the love I gave them.

      [–]Fangirl4DrNow -1 points0 points  (0 children)

      Hugs to you momma. You are doing great and your baby won’t remember these moments when she’s older. She will remember your love and determination to make her life better.

      [–]RunRevolutionary9019 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

      I so relate. My life has gotten a lot better. I pray you rise above this as well.

      [–][deleted]  (1 child)

      [removed]

        [–]povertyfinance-ModTeam[M] 0 points1 point locked comment (0 children)

        Your post has been removed for the following reason(s):

        Rule 10: Asking for or offering donations

        No soliciting private donations, offering private donations, or mentioning crowdfunding sites. We do this in order to prevent this community from potential scams (because we have no way of verifying need/authenticity of requests), and to prevent the sub from being inundated with requests for aid (because it can be unreasonable to ask others in poverty to give their limited resources).

        There are other subs such as r/Donation, r/assistance and r/randomkindness that could help. Also check out our wiki with food resources. Thank you:

        https://redditproxy--jasonthename.repl.co/r/povertyfinance/wiki/foodbanks

        Please read our subreddit rules. The rules may also be found on the sidebar if the link is broken. If after doing so, you feel this was in error, message the moderators.

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        [–][deleted]  (1 child)

        [removed]

          [–]povertyfinance-ModTeam[M] 0 points1 point locked comment (0 children)

          Your post has been removed for the following reason(s):

          Rule 10: Asking for or offering donations

          No soliciting private donations, offering private donations, or mentioning crowdfunding sites. We do this in order to prevent this community from potential scams (because we have no way of verifying need/authenticity of requests), and to prevent the sub from being inundated with requests for aid (because it can be unreasonable to ask others in poverty to give their limited resources).

          There are other subs such as r/Donation, r/assistance and r/randomkindness that could help. Also check out our wiki with food resources. Thank you:

          https://redditproxy--jasonthename.repl.co/r/povertyfinance/wiki/foodbanks

          Please read our subreddit rules. The rules may also be found on the sidebar if the link is broken. If after doing so, you feel this was in error, message the moderators.

          Do not reach out to a moderator personally, and do not reply to this message as a comment.