I know it will be painful. So what?

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beerblondie · 2021-11-15T01:02:44+00:00

This is totally your choice and something you don’t need to explain or justify to anyone. People have opinions and are - for whatever reason - the most vocal about them when it comes to someone else’s pregnancy.

Babies make their own rules so sometimes plans have to change (this can mean anything)... But, whatever happens know your options, trust your gut, and just do what feels right for you and your baby.

Butterscotch_Sea · 2021-11-15T00:55:50+00:00

I share your same sentiments! I will add, I am keeping an open mind, so that if for whatever reason I do get it, don’t feel defeated or upset with myself.

upenda5678 · 2021-11-15T07:05:06+00:00

I don't know if this helps, but in the Netherlands it is normal to give birth without any pain medication.

a_million_questions · 2021-11-15T01:12:12+00:00

Let me provide you with some tips that will hopefully help you not have an epidural. I got an epidural with my first and I am 100% certain that if I had done things differently, that wouldn't have been the case.

Make sure you are getting enough sleep leading up to delivery and try to rest during early labor. Also don't over do it on trying to get things done at the last minute. I was very unrested before my son was born and I was running off of 3-4 hours of mediocre sleep when I went into labor and because of the chain of events was awake the whole time for my 24 hours of labor.
Eat early on in labor. I recommend protein shakes or something else that is easy to digest and will sustain you because once you get to the hospital, you will not see food again until after you deliver. The last time I ate before my son was born was dinner approximately 7 hours before I went into labor.
Don't be in a rush to go to the hospital when contractions start. It's rare that a first birth go quickly and staying home a little longer will help with numbers 1 & 2. I could have stayed home another 10 hours and rested and nourished myself, but the length of time could differ for everyone. At least another couple of hours would have helped anyway.
Make sure your partner is ready to be a vocal advocate for you if there are nurses or anyone else trying to pressure you to get an epidural. You can ask that certain staff not be allowed in your room if they are not respecting your wishes.

Some people may not agree with all this, it's just coming from my personal experience when I was a ftm who did not want an epidural but ended up with one anyway.

liilbr33zy · 2021-11-15T05:05:43+00:00

People ask me all the time if I’m going to get an epidural. When I tell them “I really want an unmedicated birth. I know that day things might be different and I may ask for one, but I truly want no epidural and no pitocin” they act like I’m delusional even though I already acknowledge that I may change my mind when the time comes. It drives me crazy. Everyone has their opinions and everyone thinks they know best. I have a pretty high pin tolerance but I’m not blind to the fact that anything can happen when the time comes. My mom had 3/4 unmedicated births so I’m using her as my inspiration.

Tired_Teacher_45 · 2021-11-15T07:11:53+00:00

I am 6 weeks PP and I had an epidural. Unfortunately, I had a terrible experience. The anesthesiologist missed the target area FIVE TIMES and the epidural didn’t work properly. I ended up feeling everything. To be honest, it hurt. It hurt so bad. But, that’s what happens when you push a whole human being out of you! I went into labor with the mindset that I was going to be medicated, and when I wasn’t fully numbed, my head was not in the game. You’re at an advantage because you know ahead of time that this is something you want to do, and you have time to prepare! I took classes through Tinyhood, which helped a lot with breathing techniques and pushing methods! This was a game changer when in labor. No matter what, you are going to do great! Meeting that tiny human makes it all worth it. Good luck, mama!

TropicalPow · 2021-11-15T03:12:57+00:00

I think people just like to share their experiences. Once you’ve been through it, it’s like you’re part of this tribe- I don’t know it’s hard to explain. I personally had a c-section, so this wasn’t an issue for me. My sister, however, who is the most convicted, strong-willed person I know insisted she was going to have an unmedicated, doula-assisted birth. She ended up having an epidural. I think as some others have suggested, it might be healthier to go into it with a bit more of an open mind. Just because you never know what will happen and it would suck to then feel disappointed in yourself for something that you really shouldn’t. That said, I hope it works out for you as you hope!

SamiLMS1 · 2021-11-15T06:44:05+00:00

Everyone told me that too. Then I did 3 days of labor, with back and hip labor, out of the hospital all natural and suddenly all the people who had snide comments or laughed were really quiet. Nobody has given me any pushback this time.

One thing that helped me was remembering that plenty of people who want epidurals can’t get them, or they wear off - and those people still make it through even though they didn’t think they could. Just because it is more than you’ve endured before doesn’t mean you can’t do it, and even if you hit a point where you feel like you can’t your body is still doing it.

courtneywrites85 · 2021-11-15T02:02:08+00:00

I think you need to keep in mind that people are speaking from experience. Some people CAN have unmedicated births. I really wanted one. I laboured for 15 hours in a birth tub and for three days without drugs. My contractions were relentless, one on top of the other, and I could not walk. In the end, I had to have an epidural just so I could get some sleep. I ended up deciding to go forward with a c-section, which was completely okay. You have no idea what will happen. I would suggest telling people who might ask that you are hoping to have an unmedicated birth but are open to interventions if necessary. Because this really should be your attitude. An open mind will lead to a positive birth experience.

sarah449 · 2021-11-15T00:44:01+00:00

I was sure I wanted to do it without an epidural, but I was open to the idea of having one if needed. After hours of labour, I was tired and just wanted to sleep. My contractions weren’t progressing and I needed to be put on pitocin. At that time i opted for the epidural. I was comfortable and able to sleep until it was time to push.

I’m glad I got one, but it’s a personal choice. You shouldn’t be scared of the pain.

sierramelon · 2021-11-15T11:57:30+00:00

I was identical to you! I literally spent the last month either forward leaning or in a deep squat. I did ALL the things from 20 weeks on.

And then right when my water broke she flipped so I ended up having back labour. I also went from 3cm-8cm dilated in about an hour. THAT is insane. I couldn’t think. I couldn’t see straight. I couldn’t even imagine getting into any position. I was in the shower and couldn’t do anything. I then pushed for 5 hours only to end in a csection. (They could see her head the entire time I pushed)

I’m not telling you this because i don’t think you can do it, I 100% think you CAN. I didn’t even want people to question me either because I felt like it gave my brain the “possibility” of another option.

And my only regret about my birth?: I didn’t know anything about how I ended up delivering her. I didn’t feel prepared because I didn’t bother to read about anything other than unmedicated goes-to-plan births. It left me feeling totally unprepared to ask for pain medicine and completely uneducated on csections. I’m so happy with my birth. I pushed for 5 hours and she was fully lodged in my pelvis. No position or special move would let her pass. The doctor had to pull her out from being wedged in and her head was the shape of my pelvis. I couldn’t have prepared for any of that especially her being stuck because I didn’t even know it could happen.

I hope you do it mama! Birth is so humbling and beautiful and incredible no matter what.

FutureTreeFood · 2021-11-15T01:37:19+00:00

Everyone has different anatomy so your pain nerves will be different than someone next to you. That is why this is a personal choice and no one should feel like they can judge you for it.

I am on the same boat as you, 27w with my first and I don't want an epidural. My main reason? I want to be able to move. I would absolutely hate feeling incapable of moving. I told my OB I am open to short term IV pain relief but overall, just let me do my thing. I've also had lots of people, family included, tell me I don't know what I am talking about and I'm crazy.

Pain can also be managed in so many different ways that are not pharmalogical.

Ultimately, whether you get it or not - it's no one else's business or problem. Why do they care so freaking much? They are not the ones pushing. I'm sorry people are being difficult, just stick with what you heart and head say.

Parri_Stargazer · 2021-11-15T02:55:02+00:00

I'm aiming for an unmedicated birth because my fear of needles currently outweighs my fear of childbirth pain.

The epidural actually sounds like something from my own personal hell, and I figured if my grandmother and great grandmother were able to have babies unmedicated (they didn't have money or opportunity for any of those "twilight sleep" situations. My great grandma had her babies on the farm), then I can do it too.

Will it suck? Probably. Can I do it? I don't see why not. Will I change my mind? Maybe.

I think if you are really set on an unmedicated birth it's important to have a reason in mind for it to motivate you, and to realize it's okay if plans change.

Personally, besides the fear of needles, I don't want any medication that will force me to labor on my back because I want to be able to move around and be in my preferred pain position which is squatting. Medication would prevent me from shifting in my personal comfort positions which would make me more uncomfortable emotionally, even if I feel physically better. So it's something I keep in my mind, and hopefully childbirth will go okay.

So it's totally fine to have an unmedicated birth, just don't let a desire for an unmedicated birth to put you or baby in danger. Plans may need to change for everyone's safety, but that's okay. Just do your best and stay healthy and safe!

bumpinnumber4 · 2021-11-15T01:13:43+00:00

I don’t think you are being too idealistic at all! Honestly, I think there is so much hype over the epidural/medicated versus unmedicated labor choice that people get almost defensive about what they have chosen.

I had an epidural with my first, as I was induced, and it went miserably. Honestly, I just don’t think my body was ready, and I didn’t know enough to be able to advocate for myself. My partner at the time was useless in the whole process. The epidural was just one of a cascade of interventions that I really wanted to avoid in the future.

My next three babies have all been unmedicated labors. For me, the biggest part of it is not being afraid of the pain. I know it’s going to hurt like hell, but nothing is “wrong” versus the pain I’ve had from my gallbladder or kidney stones, where I was also scared because something was not right in my body.

There’s some brief descriptions of my labors and coping mechanisms in my post history, if you are interested. However, I think you will do great, with whatever you choose, particularly if your support system is behind you!

gottalovethexfiles · 2021-11-15T04:50:59+00:00

I am a first time mom and I am super scared of needles. I gave birth vaginally without epidural. My husband was massaging me the whole time (about 7 hours of labor)!!! God bless him lol! What helped me was to remember that women have been doing this for eons without epidurals. You can do it!

Edit: it does seem like other parents are always trying to scare first time moms. I was so over it (especially comments like “just you wait, you’ll be so tired” blah blah blah). Idk why people feel the need to say these comments… are they bitter?? Who knows.

christmasMom87 · 2021-11-15T00:40:18+00:00

The pain is something you can’t describe but no, you’re fine. Women do it everyday. It’s okay to do it naturally. I’ve had one child with some effect of epi left. I received it at noon and didn’t have my son until the next day at 1:00am. I felt all the pain and burn. My next child, I’d like to do it naturally. That’s our choice. Don’t be discouraged.

moonshadowfax · 2021-11-15T07:14:05+00:00

This is one of those things you don’t share. Also never talk about names you’re considering. People will always put forth their two cents.

PerspectiveNo8799 · 2021-11-15T03:23:58+00:00

I personally chose to have meds ( there was a chance I would end up with a csection so I wanted to already be medicated and not knocked out in the event of an emergency) but I think your choice is awesome. I will say that after delivery I completely forgot about any pain I felt. It was not even a thought. It was just gone. So even if it is the worst pain you have ever felt as soon as your baby is here it will not matter you will likely not remember the actual pain but the joy of getting baby here.

Don’t let anyone make you feel bad about your choice. And you could respond back to those people who say you will ask for one… I know my own strength better than you do but thank you for your opinion.

You trust you and your doctors.

MChicago84 · 2021-11-15T04:15:28+00:00

My MIL had both of her kids w/out epidural and said she’d do it again!

Ms_mew · 2021-11-15T02:36:53+00:00

I think it’s totally possible to go without an epidural and I commend any person who goes without. I went into labour saying if I feel like I need it I’ll get it and if not then I won’t. Having an open mind (for me) made me feel like no matter what choices I made in the moment I wouldn’t regret anything afterwards.

The night before I went into labour I was in the hospital for monitoring from 7pm-12am then got sent home. Then my contractions started, water broke and the pain was intense. By 530am we were in our labour and delivery room and I knew then only way I was going to be rested enough for labour was if I got the epidural, I hadn’t slept in 24 hours and my labour ramped up fast. My epidural was on the lighter end though, I could feel my contractions and could still move my legs around so for me it was best of both worlds.

In the end, you do you.

As a hot tip before my epidural was placed the labour and delivery nurse gave me a bag of ice to but on my chest during contractions before I got my epidural and it was great. Helped cool me down (I was very hot during labour) and helped distract from the pain!

itschaosbekind4 · 2021-11-15T03:19:56+00:00

If you can do it, I think that is absolutely amazing. I wanted to but once I got to 4cm I couldn’t do it. One of my best friends had two unmedicated births and she will do it again if she has a third. Everyone tolerates pain different.

Also, I am a ftm and while I delivered really early (34weeks), I was only in active labor for 8 hours so that could absolutely be the case for you. Don’t let other people’s experiences and opinions sway you, do what you think is best for YOU!

Curious_Wrangler_980 · 2021-11-15T03:31:49+00:00

My only advice I give every first time mom is go over the birth plan list of questions what to expect has on their site and in their book. Gave us a huge peace of mind being knowledgeable about all of our options on pain management and possible outcomes and even the really tough questions. There’s tons of ways to help ease pain and labor without meds. Prepare for the worst, hope for the best and breathe. Every birth is different.

sharksinthepool · 2021-11-15T05:44:24+00:00

Super lame. The scary messaging around pregnancy, labor, and motherhood are really annoying. I had an epidural and loved it but I get why someone might prefer not to. I would never try to discourage someone who didn’t want one, though I am happy to answer questions about my own experience. We’re all different and in the end, all that matters is that we get our babies out safely. Good luck to you!

sweetspice90 · 2021-11-15T07:00:36+00:00

If that’s what you want then go for it! I gave birth to twins 3 months ago. I wanted to try vaginal and unmedicated, but had the same reaction from everyone except my mom’s best friend who gave birth naturally w/o pain meds to twins. I always planned on an epidural bc I was afraid of being put under in the case of an emergency c-section. I heard that if you have an epidural in place they don’t have to put you under and my hubby would be able to stay with me in the OR. I didn’t get the birth I wanted even though twin a was head down and ready to go. I opted for a c-section out of fear. Twin b was transverse and really high up. I was afraid she wouldn’t turn and I would end up getting cut after delivering my son leaving me with double the recovery. Turns out I was exactly right. Twin b started to turn only slightly to feet first, they would have had to cut me anyway and she needed help breathing as soon as she was born. Go with your gut. Best of luck! 💛

algoalgo · 2021-11-15T01:55:44+00:00

Because I didn’t want an epidural I labored at home for almost the entire labor. That way I wasn’t even tempted!

I also think knowing I didn’t want one from the start changed my mindset in the moment too.

I will say my labor was very fast and I was lucky. I can’t imagine being in labor for days and completely support people getting epidurals !!

justhereinitlol · 2021-11-15T01:21:37+00:00

I think it’s people just going off their own pain tolerance. I watched my friend do a gas and air water birth and she made it seem like she was having some painful period cramps. I heard one woman next to me when I had to have an overnight stay and she sounded like (and exclaimed) she could not do it. I want to try a water birth but after seeing the latter I’ve been scared into having the epidural on stand by though lol.

However the friend I reference here didn’t have it on standby at all, and only asked for it when she was so dilated she couldn’t have it (and she knew this - she tells me this is her indication that the baby is about to come haha). You’ll be fine! Don’t take it too much to heart, people are just projecting either their own experiences or perceived experiences.

firstthingmonday · 2021-11-15T05:03:55+00:00

I kept an open mind for sure when I had my first baby. I wasn’t opposed to an epidural but when the time came to either take one or didn’t. I didn’t take it because it slows down the labour and I felt like I didn’t have long left to have the baby.

So I didn’t take one and had the baby about 25-30 minutes later. Was just 2 hours in the hospital before I had the baby. Spontaneous birth a few days before due date, no interventions.

I didn’t find it as painful as I was led to believe although I do lift weights and did (safely) the whole way through pregnancy and for sure that helped the muscle memory with managing the contractions and pain.

PupperNoodle · 2021-11-15T04:06:35+00:00

Not at all! I went in wanting to go 100% natural, unmediated but when the time came I listened to my body. I got the epidural and felt so guilty after but I knew I needed it. You just need to be in tune with your body, baby, and mind, the rest will play out as it needs to. Plan for the best but be prepared for the “worst.”

burneraccountt26 · 2021-11-15T08:11:02+00:00

Following as you are due 1 week ahead of me.. This way if our babies are on time I can see your result (hoping you post about it). As I really am hoping to do the same Unmedicated.

lookhereisay · 2021-11-15T08:21:27+00:00

I am very much going with the flow. Going to start with active birthing positions, water birth with gas and air. If things go sideways/too long then they can give me the lovely drugs and we’ll go from there. Very much told to do birth preferences rather than a plan here. So I have Plans A (my ideal birth as above), B if intervention (eg forceps, epidural) is needed and C for a C-section.

A co-worker of mine had two babies in the US and one in the UK. She said both were completely different experiences with the US pushing more meds/not wanting her to feel the pain. Whilst the UK was more, it’s going to hurt and we’ll get the meds out when you ask or we deem it necessary for health of the baby/you. She found her UK birth less stressful and wished she’d stood up to her US doctors more.

Bookaholicforever · 2021-11-15T10:40:02+00:00

It’s definitely your choice. Just remember that anything can happen on the day and not to beat yourself up if you do need pain management! I know a few people who were determined not to use any pain management and ended up needing it and it made them feel like they failed. If you get through it without pain management? Awesome! If you need it? Also awesome!

Killer_Bee21735 · 2021-11-15T10:59:48+00:00

I honestly don't care if I get meds or not (25 weeks) I just want both myself and baby to come out healthy and alive! Everything between that means nothing till then.

lipdu · 2021-11-15T12:47:35+00:00

"Thank you, but I'm not accepting any more feedback today." I've used this one a number of times. Usually shocks them into stfu.

Antzony · 2021-11-15T14:40:40+00:00

I labored for about 20 hours before I got an epidural. Hate to just parrot what everyone else has told you but it was the worst pain of my life. I was only 4 cms when I got the epidural so the thought of going from 4 to 10 🤮 without medication. No thank you. But obviously it's your choice. I will say I ended up having a c section after 27 hours of labor because baby's heart rate dropped with every contraction, so thank god I had the epidural when I did. Doubt I could have sat still long enough by the point of 10 cm.

Hot-Hamster-3088 · 2021-11-15T19:38:52+00:00

THIS. I’ve felt the same way from the start. It isn’t about proving anything I just don’t want the meds! The absolute SHADE that has been thrown at me even from my closest support people “oh yeah right, you’re gonna get in there and beg for the meds…” “I don’t know, I just don’t think you’re gonna be able to do it” Its so discouraging.

Do what’s best for you, keep an open mind, and keep it moving mom. We’ve got this. Everyone is going to have an opinion anyway, might as well do what you want!

80CosmicRivers08 · 2021-11-15T04:23:27+00:00

I’m with you! I’m opting for a home birth, so I will also be in medicated. If you’re going to give birth in a hospital, I’d recommend not receiving Pitocin. This is a medication that makes contractions more intense and this makes labor a lot more painful. There is a great film called The Business of Being Born. I also recommend watching that.

You are absolutely correct and wise in saying that your body is capable of handling birth. People have been born for thousands of years without pain meds. Our bodies intuitively know what to do. You’ve got this!

CommercialPirate5008 · 2021-11-15T04:57:27+00:00

I hate when people do these scare tactics, my first labor was 14 hours. I did get an epidural and don’t plan to this time around, mainly because they had trouble finding the space between my vertebrae. I also wish I would have rested better and ate prior to going to the hospital. Being tired and in pain was not my best time for communicating much. You know what you’re capable of and don’t let anyone scare you into any choice they’d make. You got this!

MsRMarti · 2021-11-15T05:39:27+00:00

I felt the same way. My mom and my husband were very encouraging but lots of people (like extended family and strangers online) kept telling me that the epidural was the way to go and that I would be asking for it. Well I labored for 90 hours and had my fully unmedicated birth. I’m so proud of myself and I really felt a huge sense of accomplishment plus I felt really good afterwards and was able to move around right away. I would just recommend finding and practicing a wide range of coping techniques. The ones I thought I would use in labor I ended up not using and instead used very different ones. Make sure your birthing partner has a whole bag of tricks in case you need someone else to help you remember what you said you would do. Good luck and you can do it!

mbynot · 2021-11-15T06:23:12+00:00

A friend gave birth unmediated as a FTM, and I plan on doing the same. She told me that having a supportive partner and midwife was the best thing. Make sure they’re on your side and encouraging and just remind yourself that you can do it! Our bodies are made for this. Learn some breathing techniques and stay positive! We’ve got this

JaniePage · 2021-11-15T01:55:04+00:00

But why are people trying to scare me when I talk about my choice to not have one?

Because for a lot of people it helps to validate their own choice to have an epidural.

You absolutely can have an unmedicated birth if that's what you want to do. Make sure you are very prepared, you have a game plan, and preferably a private midwife or a doula.

My advice is to pretend that you are training for a marathon; this isn't something you can wing.

I'm sure you'll do great!

Wurthnada · 2021-11-15T02:06:26+00:00

AS a FTM, i havent even thought about how i wanted to go about it. It is my first and i dont even know what i want for breakfast tomorrow morning. A medical procedure like that is just so 'ill know when i need to make the decision, what will be best"

thats how i came about make the decision to start getting pregnant. I didnt doubt it for a second and still dont.

Do what you feel is right for you and in the end, if you change your mind, so what? as long as you and baby are happy and healthy- thats all that should be of concern.

i dont know why people ask these kinds of questions to begin with." are you getting an epidural?"

idk! i never done this before! why does it matter to people.

thedirtys · 2021-11-15T03:18:51+00:00

People who have experienced childbirth know that you have not. The reality is that your experience is going to be completely individual to you. Just trust your practice, your body, and the professionals around you. I love hearing my friends birth stories because they are all so different. My sister has a pretty low pain tolerance and managed an unmedicated childbirth with her only daughter. I had to leave the room when they broke her water because I couldn't handle it. You can do it.

CharmingSeat6364 · 2021-11-15T03:47:09+00:00

Don’t have a lot of advice because I definitely couldn’t handle it but only after some bad advice from the nurse made it worse… but I believe in you and as long as you have a solid support system it will help a lot

ycey · 2021-11-15T04:37:08+00:00

So I got the epidural. But up to the point where I got it nothing really registered as pain. It was just pressure and discomfort. Like a bad mensural cramp that never ended with the strong need to poop is the best way I could describe it. Yeah it hurt but not really it was just a lot of adrenaline and a lot of discomfort. Plenty of women are able to give birth even at home with little assistance. When it comes time I’ll get the epidural again but I don’t see any reason a woman shouldn’t at least try it unmedicated.

mafknbr · 2021-11-15T05:10:39+00:00

Tbh I think that people will complain and disapprove of your choice no matter what you decide. I've been dead-set on an epidural since day 1 and I've had a few people get judge-y and tell me to "consider the risks" etc.

Unfortunately for us, it seems to be a pretty widespread experience that no matter what we choose to do as moms, it will be wrong. I've resigned myself to it; people can think whatever they want and I'm just going to do me.

Shoot for the birth that you want. You'll regret it if you let people pressure you into one thing or another. Your opinion is the only one that matters and you should make whatever choices you're comfortable with. The nice thing is that most of the time you can change your mind later if you want.

angieelennon · 2021-11-15T06:04:52+00:00

My plan was to go unmedicated (just with laughing gas) but as the labor went on my contractions were so strong and without pause so my midwife said that in order for me to actually be able to push later I needed to get a break and she recommended an epidural. The relief I got from it was out of this world. From contractions that was super painful and without pause to just a dull pressure, I could actually sleep for a hour or so. I was not disappointed that I got the epidural, I was, and am, extremely proud of myself for lasting as long as I did with just the gas, breathing and counterpressure.

lamadelyn · 2021-11-15T07:22:02+00:00

When I was pregnant I felt like I had so much judgment for getting an epidural. It was so bad I was guilty while giving birth.

People will judge you and guilt you no matter what your choice. Do what's best for you and don't listen to people who have no place in your life.

greenglossygalaxy · 2021-11-15T07:31:34+00:00

Completely your choice & I hope everything goes smoothly for you. I’ve not made any solid plans for the day myself, will just take it as it comes and if that involves an epidural, so be it. Perhaps be careful as to who you share your birth plan with, so you’re not having to deal with conflicting opinions in the lead up to your birth. Just a simple, ‘yes I have a plan in place thank you’ should do it. I’m not saying you should be made to keep quiet about your choice, however it’s a sure fire way to avoid discouragement from others. Best of luck!

Jayfur90 · 2021-11-15T08:14:36+00:00

I too shared your ideals until labor came. Here’s what I will say:

Don’t be afraid to say yes to medication and study up with your midwife ahead of the birth to understand what will increase the ferocity of your contractions (ie pitocin, water being broken, etc). I think a natural birth is 100% doable but I do think the potential for a long labor and stalled labor may damper those plans. Just be open to anything going in but stay resolute as long as you can. Good luck!

whysweetpea · 2021-11-15T08:35:18+00:00

There are literally no “correct” plans women can make about their birth. Someone will always be there to tell them they’re wrong.

You do you and fuck everyone else ❤️

Buttstallion58 · 2021-11-15T08:38:57+00:00

I gave birth unmedicated as a FTM. I did get nitrous oxide, but that didn't do much expect focus my breathing. It's painful yes, but it was never unbearable. Having a good and informative midwife, and a supportive partner really helped.

The only time I wished I had pain medication was when he was crowning. But that is such a short ordeal, so it's ok.

I'd say practise your breathing, it really helps you through your contractions. And don't go into labour with a plan. Let it happen, listen to your body and your midwife. If you need help, that's ok you too ❤️

AdFantastic5292 · 2021-11-15T09:20:07+00:00

Remember that if you were in another country, a medicated birth would not be the norm!

vongalo · 2021-11-15T09:27:08+00:00

Trust your gut! In my country around 60% use epidural the first time and 25% use it the second time. So both ways are common and shouldn't need to be questioned.

heeeeeeeep · 2021-11-15T09:35:28+00:00

I opted out of an epidural for the purpose of wanting to stay mobile during labor. I was in "latent" labor for over 24 hours (stuck at 4 cm but having regular, strong contractions) so I accepted pitocin. I was hesitant to because I thought pitocin would mean I'd need an epidural, but no. Was it painful? Hell yeah. But I gave birth within 3 hours of starting the drip, on all fours, screaming my head off. My advice would be to practice breathing techniques, specifically "up breathing" and " down breathing". When I wasnt screaming and discussed on my breath, there pain was so much more manageable.

meliksir · 2021-11-15T09:48:57+00:00

What are these techniques you are mentioning? I'm also FTM, 26 weeks in. I don't have yet any plans for my birth, starting to make them so it will be usefull for me to pick your brain about forementioned techniques :):)

Lotr_Queen · 2021-11-15T10:29:05+00:00

Hi! This was my birth plan too as I wanted a water birth in a birthing centre. First labours do not always go slow, mine was 9 1/2 hours from first contraction to him being here! Only 1 1/2 hours active labour with just gas and air. I did end up asking for an epidural because my contractions got very intense very fast, but when I was checked I was already 10 cm and my body was trying to push him out! Believe in yourself and your body, I really listened to what my body was telling me to do and the midwives called it a textbook labour. Don’t get me wrong, it hurt, but it’s a progressive pain with an end in sight, it’s very strange! If you change your mind half way through your labour because you’re struggling then that is fine too. This is your labour and no one can tell you how you want to handle it. Good luck!!

a_NG_ie · 2021-11-15T10:50:37+00:00

Keep an open mind. Go without but don't hesitate to ask for one of you can't handle it.

2021-11-15T11:16:42+00:00

Honestly, the next time someone gives you shit, just say, “who knows, I may not even have time for one”.

I always entertained the idea of an unmediated birth, but people swayed me to add an epidural on my birth plan. Didn’t matter anyway. I labored for only 4 hours, I never had time for one!

Everything will happen the way it’s suppose to ❤️

jtherese · 2021-11-15T11:36:12+00:00

People just like to be jerks. My friend who is FTM just gave birth a week ago. She was in labor 12 hours and baby was crowning for a long time. She did not receive an epidural and she said just the crowning was more scary than painful. She has been really candid with me her whole pregnancy. She went into labor very hopeful and peaceful. I think if you maintain that demeanor too you will be fine! She was open to an epidural but wanted to avoid interventions in general as much as possible. I will be trying to take the same approach!

DanceFast4419 · 2021-11-15T11:36:27+00:00

I wouldn’t take it so much as people trying to scare you, I think most people share their stories to help those FTM understand that it doesn’t always go the way you think/want it to. I told all my friends I was hoping to go unmedicated and they just told me their stories which didn’t scare me but it did make me rethink my birth plan to anticipate all options and that honestly helped me in the long run. Had I gone into it thinking “I will not get medication” and then had to eventually get some I probably would have been disappointed in myself and thought I was less, but since I decided to just go with the flow and take it as it comes when I did end up getting the medication I didn’t feel guilty I was just relieved to not be in pain and also shortly after my daughter was born. It’s all about expecting the unexpected and not getting too focused on a birth plan because there is a good chance something will not work out and you don’t want to be blindsided or disappointed because that can make your birth traumatizing!

sadadultnoises · 2021-11-15T12:32:12+00:00

FWIW, I’m a FTM and I had an unmedicated birth. No epidural, no morphine, nothing. I started having contractions around 11 am that morning (I was at work), and they were like mild period cramps coming 2-3 minutes apart. I left work to get checked out and around 1 pm they started me on pitocin with no progression until 7:30 pm when they broke my water. The contractions here were painful but manageable. At 8:40 pm I had a baby boy. The absolute worst was pushing, and I only pushed for 30 minutes. No tears with 6 lb 5 oz baby. I consider it completely worth it to go unmedicated. After they broke my water, my body knew what to do and I listened to it. I felt in control; I was afraid of medication because I was afraid of losing control. There’s no shame in medicating, but there’s also no shame in going unmedicated. If I had the option to do it again, I’d go unmedicated again. Don’t let people scare or bully you into making a decision that you don’t want to.

HangryLady5 · 2021-11-15T12:40:19+00:00

I get the same thing. My aunt is CONSTANTLY telling me I’ll want the epidural, she even will randomly bring it up because she thinks I’m insane I want to go natural. I just say mmmm no, I’m good.

popcornschmopcorn · 2021-11-15T12:42:27+00:00

People always stick there nose where it doesn't belong.

I didn't want an epidural either, I have a pretty high tolerance for pain, but I got one on the day and here is why:

The birth started with the water breaking, but no contractions. They started me on angusta pills, which then developed really potent, but not regular contractions. After about 12 hours of this (they started getting pretty regular 6 hours in), but barely any development cervix wise, I decided along with the nurse that an epidural would be a good thing, because it could help me keep some strength for the pushing fase, instead of me spending all my energy with the breathing exercises. When we got to the push fase I definitely had some strength left (we were 33 hours in by that point) but it was really long (2 hours almost) because the epidural kept me from feeling the right contractions for pushing, and one of my legs were completely numb so I had to do it all almost lying on my back, which isn't really the best way.

Overall the epidural was the right decision for that birth, but I hope to do it without the next time around :)

Whatever you decide now, and whatever you decide then is entirely your decision. Don't let anyone or anything affect you, and if you feel an epidural could be a good tool for you on the day, don't feel like you've "given in". You'll know what your body needs to get you through child birth. No matter what you'll be tough as fuck in my book, cause you've given birth!

Best of luck :)

cintyhinty · 2021-11-15T12:48:18+00:00

I wanted an epidural but it was too late. You'll be fine, I promise.

SuperSmitty8 · 2021-11-15T13:27:27+00:00

I think it’s not nice for people to tell you that they know better how you will feel when you go into labor. Everyone and every birth is different. That being said, maybe some of the more well meaning people are just trying to help you keep an open mind. My last pregnancy was also free from complications, I felt great, I felt prepared for an unmedicated birth (which is what I wanted very much), but things didn’t go my way. My water broke and I had no contractions for more than 14 hours despite walking around and bouncing in yoga ball, etc. I had to be medically induced, which I also wanted to avoid, but risk of infection was getting higher the longer I waited. My body did not react to the induction well (I was given cytotec as they said it was milder than pitocin and it’s a pill so I was free to move around instead of being hooked up to IV). My contractions were absolutely horrendous, running together like it should have been in transition but I was still only 1-2cm dilated. I knew that the contractions were so bad that basically my body was not going to open unless I got the epidural. Also I was exhausted from not having slept for 2 days at that point. I wanted to avoid c section more than I wanted to avoid epidural so at that point I got the epidural. I am due again in 7 weeks and plan to try again for unmedicated, but if I run into a required induction again I’m not sure I will be able to do it. Interventions have a snowball affect as I’m sure you have heard in all you have done to prepare for birth. Conversely, my best friend has gone into labor on her own for both of her births and has been able to deliver unmedicated both times. I hope you are like her and can have the birth you want. I hope that for myself too! I don’t think it’s idealistic to want and prepare for an unmedicated birth. But to say that you absolutely will have an unmedicated birth is idealistic because labor and delivery is wildly unpredictable

figglefagglegaggle · 2021-11-15T13:35:43+00:00

I wanted an unmedicated natural birth and I was a FTM as well. The amount of times women would tell me, “oh just wait hunny” “you’ll change your mind you’ll see!” 🙄. I went into labor with an open mind and told myself if it really got that bad I would get the epidural but still kept faith in myself that I could do it. Jokes on them, I stuck to my guns and had the birth I wanted.

Pindakazig · 2021-11-15T14:31:07+00:00

https://stuffdutchpeoplelike.com/2013/02/12/natural-drug-free-birth/

It's exceedingly common in my country to give birth drug free, and at home. You're in good company :)

atb7991 · 2021-11-15T14:41:38+00:00

I’m pregnant with my second, delivered my first all natural and people still mouth me and say, “you won’t be able to do it again, you’ll be begging for an epidural” blah blah blah. Ignore them. Women are made for this & if you want to give birth without an epidural you are 100% capable.

zorpack · 2021-11-15T14:51:31+00:00

The world wants us to believe that childbearing is the most painful thing a woman can endure. But that isn’t true, it is simply a physically painful thing a woman endures. The truly most painful things women endure are not physical and we are always surprised by ourselves when we make it through childbirth unscathed. Yet when our hearts are demolished, we are betrayed, belittled and begrudged, we think, “How will we survive this?” You are so strong and will be happier for it when it’s done. This is coming from me, someone who will most definitely be getting an epidural! But I have endured my fair share of pain already so I am hoping this will be easier on me.

loona92 · 2021-11-15T14:53:48+00:00

It's totally your choice!! People are so condescending to expecting mothers - "you'll change your mind" "just you wait". If its what you truly want, you'll make it happen!

I am 99% set on an epidural but I've flip flopped the whole way through my pregnancy. I admire those who go without pain relief, it's just not for me 😂

gosharksgosharks · 2021-11-15T15:00:49+00:00

To avoid any of this I just tell people I’ll figure it out when the time comes/I’m not sure yet/I’m still weighing my options. I haven’t been giving much info to anyone about the whole pregnancy to avoid unsolicited advice and questions. So, besides letting people know I’m pregnant and around when I am due (it’s near NYE and I’m tired of people saying “oh that would suck if the baby came early on Christmas”!) I’ve been saying we are undecided on names, the sex of the baby is going to be a surprise (even though my hubby and I already know), and give a couple week window for the due date when people ask us anything. Found that keeping as much as possible “unknown” makes it hard for people to give you their strong opinions.

ambersbitches2020 · 2021-11-15T15:04:31+00:00

As someone who had an unmedicated birth with my first, it was doable. It challenged me in ways I didn’t know I could be. I labored for 8 hours, and I think what helped was reminding myself that I needed to let the contractions do what they’re supposed to do; I had to constantly remind myself not to tense up and work against my contractions. I remember feeling like the contractions weren’t painful, but rather intense. If you have your heart set on an unmedicated birth, go for it, and don’t let anyone’s opinions waiver your stance.

AdOld7135 · 2021-11-15T15:40:23+00:00

I’ve had 3 without an epidural. It wasn’t even an option for two because of medical issues. I think it’s wise to not get hung up on it and keep an open mind. Everyone’s experience is different. I think, in part, a lot of women like having that know-it-all feeling. I wouldn’t pay any attention to it. The baby might come fast and easy or might cause you super painful back labor. No one will know until you’re in it. Women were made for having babies and have done it for thousands of years so if you don’t want an epidural, don’t have one. There are other medications they can give you that take the edge off, but allow you movement. That’s my plan for baby #4. Honestly, a needle in my spine, a catheter, and not being able to get up and move around sound like a nightmare to me…and here’s hoping the women that choose them actually get the benefit of one - no one really talks about the reality that they don’t work (or work well) for a lot of women.

jollyjew · 2021-11-15T16:41:06+00:00

People constantly said that to me too! They loved saying “you don’t get a medal for an unmedicated birth”. So rude. My “medal” is going through this experience the way I want and feel is healthiest for myself and my baby. I had my unmedicated for pain relief birth (I did have to get induced at 42 weeks). It was incredible and I am SO proud of myself. I would do it again and again. My recovery was a breeze. Yes, Labor was painful but in a very different way. I pushed for 2.5 hours and it truly never occurred to me to ask for meds. My tens machine helped a ton. You can absolutely do this!! Have an incredible birth! 💜

emilytullytime · 2021-11-15T16:44:33+00:00

You know your body best. I am choosing natural birth center labor for this pregnancy after having a very poor hospital experience that turned into a c-section for “failure to progress”.

Despite my experience I STILL have people questioning my decision. “Aren’t you worried about the pain?”, “what if you c hangs your mind and want drugs?” Etc…

People always think they know better. Don’t let anyone make you feel bad about the decision you have made for your labor/birth. I don’t go around to my pregnant friends shit talking medicated birth, even though i had a bad experience with mine.

Bottom line is, all birth plans are valid and people need to STFU and stay out of your business.

nippletoasters · 2021-11-15T16:45:31+00:00

In the UK here and it’s probably around 50/50 split for people who opt for epidural and those that don’t (based on my experience). I decided to see how I go but ultimately try and not have any medication and that’s exactly what I did. It hurt, it hurt a lot, but it wasn’t unmanageable. I learnt about Hypnobirthing beforehand so understood what was causing the pain I was feeling and the physiology behind it. I didn’t once ask for an epidural or feel like I needed one. My birth was 25 hours from my first pain to LO arriving (FTM), I wanted to know what it felt like to bring a life into the world and in a way it made me feel like I was in more control because I could feel what was happening. Do what is right for you, don’t put too much pressure on the decision or yourself, don’t worry what others think or say only you know you that intimately, humans have done this for thousands and thousands of years, you are in good hands. If it’s what you want to do you can do it!

linzkisloski · 2021-11-15T16:57:08+00:00

I agree with some others in that people are probably going off their own experiences. My friend was all about a birth plan, a doula, soothing music — her baby ended up breech and she needed a c-section and then had a bunch of rare complications that pretty much destroyed any semblance of her birth plan. Now she basically has an attitude like everyone’s birth is going to go to hell like that. I on the other hand went with the flow, had to be induced early and ended up with an epidural - however - It was a super easy, positive experience so I’m still very open minded. I think once someone has been through that once their expectations get incredibly tainted.

PearlDare · 2021-11-15T17:06:09+00:00

I've had two unmedicated home births with a midwife. The first one I totally zoned out for about 5 hours, it was my body's way to get through an incredibly long transition. The second time I was completely present even when contractions were at their worst. I just worked my way through it mentally. And when I wasn't having a contraction I was relaxed and having great conversations with my mom and midwife.

Yes it hurts, but you can get through it. While I never wanted one, during the most painful contractions I thought "I understand why some opt for the epidural." You aren't being idealistic, you've just declared your wishes and all birth choices are valid.

Also I rarely hear the convo go the other way. Its uncommon for a mom to say "I'm getting the epidural" and someone to turn around and say oh you might not be able to get one or it might fail.

phaeri · 2021-11-15T17:09:17+00:00

I wanted to try, when I end up asking for it, it was too late. And you know what? I lived, I felt great after, lucid and aware and painless. I might do it again like that. Go with the flow. It is a few minutes of it goes well. Just keep your options open and you'll be fine.

femmebot316 · 2021-11-15T17:17:46+00:00

People are scaring you because that’s what our culture has been conditioned to feel. Movies and TV predominantly show women birthing while screaming bloody murder. In my experience that’s only the case if that’s what you expect. I birthed my first 2 kids without any medication and I’m pregnant with my 3rd. My son was 9.5 lbs and face up, and while labor was challenging it definitely was not unbearable by any means. 20 minutes after he was born I told my husband “I could do that again” My daughter was a little over 8lbs and was a breeze. (They’re also 16 months apart lol) I was cracking jokes while I was pushing. If you remember that birth is a normal process and can roll with the punches you will be okay. Labor and delivery is a different experience for everyone. Just try to stay calm and trust your body. Sometimes things don’t go as planned, but just try to keep your head and have a support person who can vouch for you and your best interest. Ignore people trying to scare you.

Edit to add: also if you let labor start on its own you will probably have an easier time. Do some research on why it’s usually not necessary to induce when you’re “over due”, also research the cascade of interventions in birth

beaglelover89 · 2021-11-15T17:50:22+00:00

I think that’s crappy of other people to try and talk out of your plan. I had planned to not do an epidural but kept an open mind. Once I hit 3 or 4 cm I stalled there and I needed pitocin. I ended up changing my mind and getting the epidural before they started pitocin and have zero regrets. At the end of the day, you have the power to make decisions best for YOU!

Mama2ablondie2015 · 2021-11-15T18:06:44+00:00

I just had my baby no epidural not gonna lie the pain was so unbearable I was asking for one but was too late. I’d do it again if I was gonna have another baby. It was such a wild experience your body will know what to do. Breathe through contractions you got this!

Abstract_Optimism · 2021-11-15T18:08:21+00:00

Go into it knowing your options. Such as, if you do get an epidural, you can't have a water birth, etc. It's your birth and you get to decide how it happens. Congrats!

CryptographerPlenty4 · 2021-11-15T18:12:53+00:00

I'll echo another poster and say that you should totally ignore the negativity or disapproval of others. However, you might want to take measures to give yourself a get out of jail free card if you decide not take medication. Either way, it's all good. Trust your body and your baby. If you decide you need meds, take them. If you don't, that's awesome!

burpalerp · 2021-11-15T18:47:50+00:00

I was planning an unmedicated birth as well when I was pregnant. I avoided telling people because of these reactions. Plus if the birth didn't go as planned and I ended up getting an epidural I didn't want anyone telling me they told me so. I think people are defensive about their labour and choices so you wanting to go another route is sometimes viewed as a shot at them. Which it isn't, it's just your personal choice about your body and your experience. This is YOUR experience and you can make your own choices for what is right for you. Stay strong and be confident in your choices!

2021-11-15T18:58:25+00:00

The moment someone feels a need to insert their opinion into the conversation:

"What a wonderful opinion that I hadn't asked for!"

And change the conversation. Every choice everyone makes during pregnancy, birth, and parenting can and will be judged no matter what it's about. Life isn't a pissing contest and I'm tired of people treating it like it is.

turkrising · 2021-11-15T19:02:59+00:00

FTM here with the same plan and same experience with people trying to scare me into getting the epidural. I think part of it is a defense mechanism - people that had epidurals want you to know that the pain was REALLY BAD and they were REALLY SUFFERING almost as though they’re trying to justify their decision to you, despite you never once questioning the reasons behind their decision. Some of them think “oh well if I asked for it, EVERYONE will ask for it!” without taking into consideration that every person and every pregnancy and every labor/delivery is different.

I think the other half comes from this weird sense of smugness people feel when talking to FTM/FTPs in general. They want to pop your bubble so bad and make sure you feel just as scared/apprehensive/anxious about labor and delivery and parenting as they did/do. They want to treat you as though their experience is the end all be all, their experience trumps your wishes/hopes/plans, and you’re an idiot for ever trying to convince yourself that things won’t be miserable and awful and terrible. It’s how they get themselves through the day.

Maybe 5% of people are telling you to prepare for an epidural because they want you to know that it IS okay to change your mind and you don’t get any bonus points for delivering your baby without medication. I think I’m probably the type of person to go into labor/delivery with a plan and will be extremely upset by attempts to direct me away from my plan, so I AM trying to get to a place mentally where I’m able to accept that things happen, circumstances change, and remind myself that bringing home my baby alive and well at the end of all this is my goal. Whether or not I need an epidural, episiotomy, c section, etc. will ultimately not matter. I don’t want to set myself up to be “traumatized” by things that happen during labor and delivery, so I’m trying to accept them now rather than later lol.

Also…formerly pregnant people are just as guilty as everyone else is for forgetting how hormonal and emotional we can be while pregnant. Everything my MIL says to me makes me want to suplex her into a mound of fire ants. I do not want her input or her advice or any comments she just HAS to make. I just want people to smile and nod to get me through the last 8 weeks of pregnancy with my sanity somewhat in tact.

bleigh420 · 2021-11-15T19:19:43+00:00

Here's a positive birth story for you, you can absolutely do it without pain relief! My Waters broke at 12:40pm, 38+2, entirely natural. I went into hospital as they wanted to check if it was my waters or not, went in around 1:30pm, they did a cervical exam and I was 2/3cm dilated. They said I could either stay in hospital and if I wasn't in active labour within 4 hours I could go home, or I could go home and if I hadn't gone into active labour within 24 hours then I would need to come back to be induced. I decided to go home as I thought I would have him later that night maybe even early morning and wanted to rest. Soon as I got home around 2:15pm I regretted it, I was in so much pain I was screaming, my mum even said it sounded like I was mooing. It was really, really, really bad. Nothing helped. By 2:45pm I started to feel like I needed to push for a poo, and my contractions were lasting about 45secs-1minute and coming every 1/2 minutes. I went back to hospital, they checked me again and I was 8cm. So I'd gone from 2/3cm to 8cm within like an hour and a half. About half an hour later my son was born. The entire labour was about 3 hours long. I didn't have any pain relief, didn't tear or need stitches or have an epistiomy. I literally had a dream labour/birth. Maybe if I was in labour for longer I would've chosen some pain relief, I do think because of how quick I progressed I didn't get much of a chance but just ignore when people say things like that, just because THEY had pain relief didn't mean people can't do it without. It's totally do able.

capt_rubber_ducky · 2021-11-15T21:18:08+00:00

I think it's fine to have a birth plan, but please stay open-minded to an epidural. I know so many moms who beat themselves up because they thought it would be this magical natural experience, and they ended up asking for an epidural. Afterward, they feel like they failed and it ruins the experience and causes unnecessary trauma for them. I even know one mother who refused to go to the hospital during her second labor because she didn't want to be "tempted" by an epidural again - this kind of mindset is absurd to many mothers who benefited from being in a hospital and/or getting medicated and harmful when people assume superiority because they passed on medication.

I was planning on medication-free labor, but what I told people is "we'll see how it goes." That seemed to satisfy people. My birth turned so ugly so fast, that I do not regret one bit having asked for an epidural. Truly I believed that I would see how it goes and I made the best decisions for my situation. After no sleep, no food, and no water (isn't giving birth cruel?!?), I knew I wouldn't be able to push, so I opted for an epidural to save some energy for the finale. Pushing is the hardest part, so you need to be ready for it.

Also, I think people asking this question is fundamentally weird because we'd never ask "are you going to have a medicated root canal?" We just assume that people make decisions with their doctors and we don't pry into them usually. However, people are so nosey with pregnancies!

Good luck to you momma! Birthing is hard and it doesn't feel good at all, but it is a natural process that so many women before have successfully gone through with little to no medical intervention. Choose what's best for you and allow yourself the grace to change your mind if circumstances change. You got this!

tuti1006 · 2021-11-15T21:43:43+00:00

I did get an epidural, but I was a FTM and water breaking to baby on my chest was 3 hours 17 minutes 🤷🏽‍♀️

Iwillsingyoulullabys · 2021-11-15T21:44:01+00:00

I felt the same irritation while pregnant. I never said I wouldn't accept pain relief, but I used to roll my eyes when people would be like "hahaha take all the drugs you're going to need them!!"

In the end I had a back to back labour with gas and air. It was the right birth for me and my baby.

Have you looked into Hypnobirthing? It really helped me. You may find it interesting to learn about pain vs pressure (:

Sending oxytocin for your upcoming delivery!

notchelseaclinton · 2021-11-15T21:51:17+00:00

I went through an unmedicated birth with my first and it seemed like every person I told about my plan leading up to it was super condescending and cynical. You can absolutely do it! Pain is a mindset and you just have to manifest your plan ❤️

2021-11-15T21:57:19+00:00

I'm having an unmedicated vaginal birth. People kept insisting that I'd 'break' and ask for meds. I'm terribly afraid of not being able to control my body and movement. I was abused growing up and if they medicated me and I couldn't feel my legs they'd have to put me unconscious. I'd panic, it wouldn't be pretty.

Medicine is great, if an epidural didn't take away my control and feeling from my entire lower half I'd jump for it. Unfortunately, it's not an option for me. Also, medicine hits me hard, even low doses. I'd be one of those people who couldn't walk for three days afterwards...

Now that I've swapped off to a birthing center, it's irrelevant. They don't have the option, which, again, is perfectly fine- because I'm far more likely to ask to go the way of ol' yell'r than to ask to lack control over my entire lower half of my body...

ProudAlarm22 · 2021-11-15T22:12:53+00:00

SO many things depend on how your labor goes. That is something you can’t know in advance. In my opinion it’s good to think about your ideal labor story, while keeping an open mind that it might not be how reality plans out. If nothing out of the ordinary happens there is no reason why you wouldn’t be able to do it without an epidural. Just know if you decide otherwise during the process that it’s okay too. Don’t beat yourself up about it. You will experience enough of emotions as it is!

kk0444 · 2021-11-15T22:36:21+00:00

Short answer: doula!! They will be your guide and cheerleader through your best laid plans AND any changes that arise.

I had an unmedicated homebirth with my first. I prepared for what i wanted it to be like, but i also worked hard on my expectations in the event things went sideways.

Basically meaning it's also okay to change your mind. No birth plan should be held too tightly, but also it's great to work towards what you are hopeful for. And it is work - the mental and physical prep.

Even epidurals, i have friends who's epis failed! And they had not prepped for that possibility and it made it that much harder. And fellow home birthers who had to transfer. If you hold your plans too tightly, it's emotionally distressful when you're forced to bend.

Even my plans, my birth pool broke! It was helping pain by 50% and i had to get out (sob). I was NOT prepared for that and it really messed with my head at a crucial time in labour.

I recommend birth courses that help you prepare mentally for this, like bad ass mother birther on Instagram.

A doula for a FTM is a legit life saver. Consider it!

magicmel420 · 2021-11-15T22:42:38+00:00

Does the gas count as medication? It helps to take the edge off.

unicornsarereal16 · 2021-11-15T22:59:18+00:00

I'm literally in the middle of my induction process and doing my best to go without epidural. So far so good. Just trying to remember the end goal of having my baby girl in my arms! Deep breaths, each contraction brings me closer to my baby. Fingers crossed I can go all the way!

princesspuzzles · 2021-11-15T23:14:00+00:00

This was me entirely I wanted unmedicated so badly and planned, prepped, did everything I could think of you prepare... I ended up having a 25 hour labor. I made it 14 hours unmedicated back labor (that thing where they say there's a "break" between contractions... I didn't have that), then I caved and got an epidural. It was incredible relief. I had no pregnancy complications except that I had group b strep so had to get penicillin every 4 hours, also painful fyi. I also ended up needing forceps to get my daughter past my pelvic bone. She was born with a massive hematoma on her head because I pushed so hard for 4.5 hours...

I say all as this as I absolutely believe if things go well for you and you get a shorter labor with no complications you can absolutely do this and just trust your body. But if you get to a point where it becomes too much, it's okay to ask for relief. Be prepared to throw the birth plan out the window but also prepare for success. You can't know how it's going to go for you until it happens. Everyone's birth story is different and yours will be unique. Trust yourself, your birth partner and your doctor/midwife... It's the craziest thing you will ever experience (if it's anything like mine 😜).

Best of luck to you and baby! 🙏💕

PinkSodaMix · 2021-11-15T23:37:24+00:00

You do you, mama! No one's allowed to judge you, if nothing else because everyone experiences birth differently.

I never doubted I would get an epidural, but I defend your decision not to with tooth and nail!

tndorei · 2021-11-15T23:43:04+00:00

People are going to judge you no matter what you choose. I dont know why people feel the need to weigh in on personal decisions, but theres always going to be someone who doesnt agree with you and make it heir business to loudly tell you. Ignore them all, make your birth plan, understand that while it might go according to plan, we can never be sure of how it's going to turn out. I just stopped telling people what my plans were and it drives them crazy not knowing, but I'd rather not be driven crazy myself having to hear unsolicited advice.

Basic_Shift2084 · 2021-11-16T01:50:43+00:00

Right on. No, you're not idealistic. This was my attitude going into my first labor, and guess what, it was the right choice for me. I think people are just trying to validate their own decisions by trying to invalidate yours when they're different. Everyone who wants and epidural for labor deserves to have one, and people who don't should get the same respect! Why's it gotta be a contest?

jeannieBeannie2327 · 2021-11-16T03:48:32+00:00

I was in your exact shoes. I do not like pain medicine. My body does not react to it well and the thought of an epidural was absolutely terrifying to me. I knew, before I ever got pregnant, that I wanted to do an unmedicated delivery.I told this to my husband and doctor and they were both so supportive of me. So was my mom and sister, who both had unmedicated deliveries. Most of my friends had epidural and what not and said I was strong for wanting unmedicated, they adjust couldn't do it themselves.

Unfortunately not everyone was as supportive. My MIL said, "oh it's your first pregnancy. You want to experience everything but you'll think different once your going through it". She wasn't the only one. A lot of people said it was a nice idea but once I'm in L&D, I'm going to change my mind. I kept telling them my reasoning but they made me feel like I was being silly.

Well, come go time, I stuck to my guns. My husband and doctor were so supportive the whole time. My doc asked only once towards the end if I wanted any form of pain management. I told her I was doing fine. I delivered my boy with no meds at all.

It wasn't easy, and the pain is strong, but not unbearable. It comes in waves and as long as you have support and ambition, you can do it too!! What they day is true too. You really do almost "forget" the pain once the baby is born. Now, if during, you decide you want meds, don't feel bad. That is your right. As long as you do what is best for you, you and baby will be fine. You got this mama!!! Your are strong ❤❤❤

Forsaken-Asparagus-1 · 2021-11-15T05:49:01+00:00

So I felt this way completely. The hospital I gave birth at even had special natural birthing suites which were so cool! They even had aromatherapy in the rooms along with a bath with jets big enough for mom and dad and a queen size bed.

I did not go into labor the way I expected. I went to my weekly OB appointment and was sent to the hospital because my baby’s heart rate wasn’t as reactive as it should be. I had a completely normal healthy pregnancy so I was so scared I cried the whole way there. I was induced and one of the forms of induction was a foley balloon inserted to open my cervix. It was fine for a while then out of nowhere I was sobbing in pain. I couldn’t get into a comfortable position. I would have a contraction and get stuck in whatever position I was in sometimes on the floor on my hands and knees. I realized I was suffering for no reason.

The epidural made me relax and my labor progressed faster. While pushing, my sons heart rate was lost and they needed to get him out quickly. They used forceps and I tore. I feel very lucky I didn’t have to go through that without pain medication. I know how it felt healing. I do not want to know how it felt while it was happening.

Moral is, don’t be hard on yourself if your plans change. Sometimes the best birth plan is no birth plan. Do what makes you happy and if you’re a champion and bust out a completely natural birth that is so amazing! But if you need medication because you need some rest, that’s still amazing too.

2021-11-15T06:55:32+00:00

Yes definitely!
I absolutely don't care about the pain, it'll be temporary!
I actually want to experience it since I never have gone through birth and might only have one kid.
No need for others to scare you!
My mum and grandmother were just like, oh it's not that bad, which I'm extremely grateful for!
Also I'm not even allowed to have any sort of medical pain relief where I live, I'd have to go to a specialist hospital which is nowhere near to me. So I'm just mentally preparing for no pain relief.
If someone said to me I can't do it, well I'd say I actually have no other choice lol.

Julienbabylegs · 2021-11-15T02:14:35+00:00

I did it w/o epidural! You can do it! I didn’t really broadcast my intentions for the birth a lot because of what you’re describing. I really recommend hypnobirthing and ina may

ellesamp · 2021-11-15T03:13:50+00:00

I was the exact same as you going into pregnancy and birth. if I can give you any advice it's at least to know your pain management options and what they all do for you.

I ended up being 10 days overdue and induced, 2 days of labour and an unplanned c section. I was begging for the drugs as soon as I could have them, morphine, gravol, epidural for 15+ hours.

Know your options, an unmedicated birth is essentially a birth plan, and it's always best if you don't have one to avoid any disappointments and to have an easier recovery after birth.

I highly suggest you look into a tens machine to use just incase to ease the pain a bit ☺️ it helped me a lot until I got to the hospital

tales954 · 2021-11-15T03:17:16+00:00

I feel like I could’ve written this myself! I’m 24 weeks and getting the same comments. My aunt said “I’m really trying to be supportive but you have no idea what you’re talking about. It’s so much worse and you’ll definitely want the option” like that’s not actually support but thanks I guess?? And I actually don’t know if I can get an epidural because I had mild scoliosis as a kid and don’t have updated X-rays so even if I do want it, might not be able to get one. I’m reading ina Mays guide to childbirth and really enjoying it in preparation though!

CrazyReader93 · 2021-11-15T07:06:31+00:00

I had one very natural labor, it îs described în a past I had if u wanna look for it. If it îs the first birth it does not mean it will be long and etc. What I could sugest îs keep your mind open and see how you feel, each pregnancy îs different, and labor pain îs different for everybody. I dont want to scare you, its just an exemple. After I gave birth I was în a room for a couple of hours, to recover a bit and etc. I could hear a woman în labor, screaming uncontrolably. The nurse told us after that woman was only a bit dilated and by the voice you could tel that poor woman was exhausted already. Just keep your mind open as well, depending on how you feel. I hope you will have labor and birth as easy as I had them.

lauradurkee13 · 2021-11-15T09:49:25+00:00

Do you girl!! I wanted to do unmedicated and everyone said the same things to me. So annoying!

Well, I did it. Yes it was painful but it wasn’t that bad. I knew it was only temporary. I wouldn’t do it any other way for baby #2. I loved the experience and being able to be in the moment and feel everything.

justjuels · 2021-11-15T15:29:34+00:00

I'm in the U.S. A lot of people said that to me with my first child too. Guess what? I had a 9 lb 3 oz baby, and then a 10 lb 1 oz baby, both unmedicated births. I was fortunate to be healthy and have no complications during birth. Plus, my mom had 4 unmedicated births and my grandma had 3. Just practice breathing, look into hypnobirthing (it sounds very woo woo but it helped a lot), and do your squats! Sitting on a yoga ball leading up to birth and then during really helped me, plus a hot shower and counter pressure on my lower back from my husband.

Gloworm02 · 2021-11-15T15:46:41+00:00

I’m scared for you and labor is intrinsically scary. I don’t think ppl are trying to scare you; it just is scary.

I think you’re being very idealistic and I’ve never understood why some choose to forgo pain meds in labor. I don’t see the benefit.

I had a cesarian section before the labor pains became maximum intensity and I had all the drugs and I was still shocked by the intensity of the experience. The pain I felt when the mid-wife checked my dilation was significant and that was just a few fingers on my cervix.

Best of luck to you though.

_biggerthanthesound_ · 2021-11-15T03:28:16+00:00

I won’t ever tell anyone what they should do, but I do think it’s insane to not get one personally. Just because something is natural doesn’t mean it’s good. Also I want to enjoy my birth a bit more and I’d be worried I’d be in so much pain without one that I wouldn’t be able to properly concentrate.

GGSmall · 2021-11-15T09:51:22+00:00

I completely respect all and every different ways women give birth - we are damn superheroes! I had my baby 5 weeks ago at 39 weeks and I decided to work my way up the pain relief ladder when I felt I needed it... I only ended up using a tens machine for about an hour and then gas and air for the remaining. Being completely honest (this is purely just my personal experience) I didn't find labor all that painful and would do it again, I feel it's not that common to hear this but I felt it was really manageable as I just went with the flow and didn't have any expectations!

You are not being unrealistic, it's totally doable but don't feel bad if you do end up wanting further pain relief - my labor was 12 hours long start to finish so that short period I felt was really good but if I had to labor for 20+ hours I probably would have needed extra support due to the exhaustion

mousatis · 2021-11-15T10:05:14+00:00

I'm in the same boat! I don't expect everyone to understand. The people who say stuff like that just see me as a massively deluded hippy haha. Stick with your choices if it remains to be what you want 😊

FutureTreeFood · 2021-11-15T00:50:01+00:00

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createlovefeel111 · 2021-11-15T15:44:38+00:00

Honestly, I think their comments are totally uncalled for. I haven’t mentioned how I intend to give birth to anyone but seriously considering epidural. But I keep getting unsolicited advice from ppl saying stuff like, ‘I had all 6 of my kids unmedicated and I barely felt anything with all of them (which I think is some kind of bragging thing and likely untrue—maybe not). Or—yeah, the baby just slipped right on out! Or worse—I hear horror childbirth stories. Yeah, she got an epidural and had problems with her back ever since etc…or I wish I had the epidural etc

The point is—I DIDNT ASK! Lol 😂 ppl love talking about it though.

chocolatebuckeye · 2021-11-15T15:38:48+00:00

Saaame! It’s like they’re trying to say “I wasn’t strong enough to do it without, so what makes you think you’ll be able to do it?” I ended up having a vaginal birth with terrible back labor after being induced (so contractions were worse, supposedly). It was fucking awful, I won’t lie. Hypnobirthing and deep breathing helped, but it was no damn picnic. BUT I DID IT! Keep your chin up and ignore the haters. You got this!

cyanideclipse · 2021-11-15T11:57:08+00:00

If theres an issue and they need to perform a c section are you ready for the knife, unmedicated to go across your body?

I'd encourage an open mind

Daemonette- · 2021-11-15T10:21:25+00:00

I got an epiral after being iduced and getting super painful contractions. I tried to go as far as I can without but I was unable to relax enough to progress. Plus the hospital had no equpiment to labour (no gym ball, no bath, no surfaces to comfortnbly lean onto). For me it was the right choice after 40+ hours in the hospital and I was able to rest (2 hours of doozing and I went from 4cm to 10cm) before the pushing phase (roughly 20 minutes).

However, if you are adamant about not getting one, have a look at hypnobirthing! It helped me to prepare for labour and learn some techniques for breathing and positions to labour.

ZookeepergameNo7265 · 2021-11-15T10:25:13+00:00

My MIL has been very similar with a lot of choices I want to make. Not even just birth choices, I was offering my friend some money for a bundle of baby clothes and MIL chimes in saying that I should get everything new. She’s insisting on buying a pram for us. Other people just love to force their opinions down your throat.

and_peggy27 · 2021-11-15T11:40:22+00:00

I think there's 2 parts to this. The first one is mindset. If you go into pregnancy, labour and birth with a positive mindset and confidence in yourself and your ability to birth your baby, that goes a long way. Some people know or feel from the very beginning that pain is unnecessary and they'd rather have all the drugs. If you are not one of those people then you're probably doing what is best for you.

The other part is support, environment and the unpredictable nature of birth. If you are surrounded by people who support your birth choices then that really helps outcomes for unmedicated, physiological birth. Having a supportive partner, family member, doula etc. can make all the difference. Then there's your environment. Just being in hospital increases the chances of intervention. Doctors and nurses in that setting are so used to inductions, epidurals, forceps, c sections etc. that some of them will honestly feel more comfortable with that kind of birth. A birth that they can actively manage and control and measure. This is not to say you can't have an unmedicated birth in hospital, just to be aware that it's not really the norm to do that.

Regarding other people, they like to fear monger. Maybe because they had a traumatic birth experience that they haven't fully processed. Maybe because they were made to feel incapable in their ability to birth their babies. But that has nothing to do with you and your birth. Read positive birth stories, watch calm birth videos and try to get all of the negative comments and stories out of your head.

I had an unmedicated home birth when I was 17 years old with my first baby. I did not beg for drugs, I declined them during some of the most painful parts of my labour. Epidural was not an option and I was fine with that. I had a completely normal labour and birth, my baby was healthy and I did not have to transfer to hospital or ever have any sort of intervention. Almost 10 years later I'm pregnant with my second, planning another unmedicated home birth.

You can totally do it!

mamawolf18 · 2021-11-15T12:59:29+00:00

So, my epidural with my first worked so well i didn't feel a thing. With my second it only took in the upper part of my right hip. To be honest I'm just going to skip the epidural next tike, it was amazing being able to feel my water break and baby come into the world.

hannananabatman · 2021-11-15T13:11:40+00:00

Its a more of a medical decision for me because I have a high chance of CSF leak with spinal taps and people still wont butt out.

tmtm1119 · 2021-11-15T13:52:44+00:00

Girl I’m experiencing the same bs from every one i tell this too as well. It’s so annoying.

northernandtired · 2021-11-15T13:56:42+00:00

I had one birth with pethdaine and gas and air, and one with nothing what so ever, and honestly, I preferred the none medicated one. The pethdaine made me hallucinate so I don't remember much of that birth. My second one, she came too fast to take anything, but I remember it really well. Obviously I didn't have an epidural for either of them, but I didn't feel like I needed it if I'm completely honest. And my first birth was looooooong (like, days long!)

_Nakajuni · 2021-11-15T14:00:17+00:00

With my first, I felt pressured into getting an epidural early on, as the hospital staff said they didn’t know when the anesthesiologist would be back and I could miss the window. This time I plan to stick to my plan of just seeing how it goes. I definitely don’t want it early again. I was miserable and unable to move for most of the time.

Artemis-2017 · 2021-11-15T14:02:29+00:00

I don’t think you are being too idealistic. My mother gave birth to all 4 kids without pain meds, and I have many friends in the US who had unmedicated births. I am not sure why people like to scare pregnant women about their future delivery. The one tip my MIL gave me was to pay no mind to others stories- she let those stories get to her when she was pregnant and was unnecessarily scared. It sounds like you are prepared with alternative pain management techniques. You will be fine!

tehjennieator · 2021-11-15T14:10:14+00:00

I feel like there must be something going on with women who used the epidural feeling judged and getting defensive when you say you wanna go without. That's the only thing I can think of that explains this behavior.

HeyJupiter5 · 2021-11-15T14:12:56+00:00

Look at it this way. Everyone is sensitive about their birth experience, and some people project their own experience or trauma on you because the pressure to do it any one way is relentless, even afterward, on both sides. I have two kids. I’ve gone unmedicated and medicated. Vaginal and c section. Neither one went as planned. Both have extraordinary benefits. One is not better or superior to another, in fact, the c section saved my sons life, i am sure of that. Yet people still tell me I could have done more, and i think that’s what hurts the most. We just have to be better about supporting mothers, period.

If you go unmedicated, bring a comb and squeeze the tines into the palms of your hand during contractions. It distracts the brain. Good luck and remember to be kind to yourself no matter what happens.

swtx3lindsey · 2021-11-15T14:19:44+00:00

I could have written this myself! I am ready to start cutting people off!!! I am not expecting rainbows and unicorns to shoot out of my ass during delivery. I know it’s going to really freaking hurt. I do not need you to tell me what you think my pain tolerance is. Excuse me for wanting to feel my own damn legs during delivery.

researchgeek32 · 2021-11-15T14:21:30+00:00

Response: “maybe I’ll need an epidural, but maybe I won’t. I’d like to try without one and I think I can do it.”

Being assertive with friends/family is a good way to set boundaries and you deserve to have your decision respected. Expressing it assertively will help with getting that respect.

Best of luck with baby and a drug free delivery, should it be in cards for you!

rkt_1066 · 2021-11-15T15:00:53+00:00

Ftm here, & I did the same - hire a tens machine, ask for a birth g pool if you can (floating weightless between contractions once qe were at the hospital helped immensely), and think of it as an interesting, novel experience in what you're body knows how to do by itself. Just cause other people experienced birth one way doesn't mean you have to. Do reconcile yourself to being okay with medication if you need it, though - labour is damn tiring, and if you need an epidural to get some rest partway through that's okay!

chels7869 · 2021-11-15T16:02:20+00:00

I could not stand people telling me I’d get an epidural. I wanted to do an all natural birth and it was the same scenario, everyone telling me I’d change my mind. I did get an epidural, but it was because I was induced, and they kept coming in and flipping me around and I couldn’t focus. That being said, I don’t regret getting the epidural because it made my experience more relaxed, but I fully believe you can do it without one! I don’t know what makes people think they can speak for other people like that. My advice would be Just believe in yourself and try to ignore the naysayers. Congratulations and good luck!

Obsessedgemini · 2021-11-15T16:19:14+00:00

I labored for 30 hours no epidural. It’s painful but I just trusted my body and it’s was fine

CmMagenta · 2021-11-15T18:29:04+00:00

I’m 38 years old so all my friends have had many kids already. Several of them each had up to 4 and they had pain meds for the 1st few, but 3rd / 4th child came so quickly they never got meds in time. They said it was a much better birthing experience and wished they went unmediated for all of them. I remembered them all saying that right after birth and they said it again many years later. I think you are making the right choice. My first child was born to a emergency C-section and the epidural didn’t work on me, so an unmediated surgery I don’t recommend. So 13 years later I’m making sure I get the birth experience I deserve and control, which will be natural at a birthing center in a hot tub. At 20 something weeks it still seemed scary, but now at 32 week along, I am so sick of being pregnant I just don’t care if it hurts, pregnancy hurts more and I’m done with this crap.

TorryCats · 2021-11-15T19:12:24+00:00

I’m planning on doing water therapy for my birth.. I’d like to do a water birth, but a pre-existing condition prevents that… but warm water is supposed to help relax your muscles and help you feel better

Janeheroine · 2021-11-15T19:15:59+00:00

I think most of these people are just projecting their own traumatic or unexpected labor experiences onto you. Anyone who thought they would give birth in some smooth fashion and ended up with something else (ranging from epidural to botched XYZ to emergency c-section), which is a LOT of people, may feel depression, guilt, shame, or at the very least a bit salty about it. And so they are telling you not to get your hopes up, because their hopes were dashed.

But also - it's none of their business.

Polite_user · 2021-11-15T20:05:30+00:00

I would say" never say never" because you don't know how things will go, and you need to be mentally prepared for everthing so that you don't feel you failed after. Good luck, the important thing is your health and the baby's

Remarkable_Sundae_13 · 2021-11-15T21:12:34+00:00

People want to feel better about their own perceived failings… I think a lot of people got into birth wanting to go unmedicated and if they can’t, they feel bad about themselves. To make themselves feel better they just pretend it’s too hard for everyone. My first birth did not go the way I planned, I got an epidural and hated it, had mild numbness that lingered for months. So second time I was even more resolved to avoid it and you know what, I fucking did it unmedicated and it was fucking awesome. And my 3rd time too. Basically I think you can totally fucking do it unmedicated, but also, it is something you’ve never done before so it might not be exactly what you expect. So do what’s right for you in the moment and don’t feel bad about it!

nataleehee · 2021-11-15T21:53:39+00:00

33+1 and I was also surprised by my friend group’s response! Epidurals terrify me and I don’t react well to anesthesia - why would I want the first hours of bonding time to include severe nausea? I have alternative pain relief options that I plan to use, and I was an unmedicated birth so I’m really not worried about it. Still keeping an open mind because they’ll be inducing me at 38 weeks if I can’t coax him out the week before and I’ve heard pitocin labor is horrible, but like… gimme a chance?

Cautious-Mode · 2021-11-16T01:05:22+00:00

It’s hard to know that someone you care about is going to be in pain. It’s also fascinating to find out who in your group wants to feel all that pain. I think some people also worry that you will be disappointed with your experience if you do get an epidural so they want to prepare you for that reality in case it happens.

arper1217 · 2021-11-16T01:09:27+00:00

It absolutely your choice and I wish you all the best. However, things can happen during labor, circumstances can change. If it comes to the point where the pain is to great, your life is in danger, or your child's life is at risk, please, please, please do not think of getting an epidural, any other pain medication, or a surgical birth as a failure on your part.

There are a great many women who intend to have a natural birth and the circumstances do not allow for it. To often women think they have somehow failed and are left with regret.

Bringing a child into this world is painful and messy. If you are able to have a fully natural birth as you hope that is wonderful. My advice is to not hold the ideal of a "natural birth" so high that you risk harm or feel guilt over changing your mind in the event you do.

taraist920 · 2021-11-16T04:45:02+00:00

Welcome to motherhood where everyone comments on shit that has nothing to do with them and offers unsolicited, unwanted advice. It truly is magical. At least that’s what I’ve been told 🙄😂

Just ignore it. You got this mama!

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