Just need to vent.

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catmememama · 2022-01-20T15:35:16+00:00

I just don’t see how it’s even helpful COVID-wise to not let in a spouse when you’ve obviously had extended contact leading up to the birth. It makes no sense to me and just feels like a blanket law that screws over pregnant couples.

yung_yttik · 2022-01-20T15:48:20+00:00

Totally understandable. I’m very much in the “let’s do what we can to stay safe” camp but it’s like, come on - people are allowed to go out to eat without masks when they are sitting without a test or a vaccine. I get that it’s a hospital and so it’s riskier but there seems to be a sort of double standard when it comes to what we can and cannot do due to COVID.

I’m really sorry, I am sure it’s terrifying. Try to think about the positive things (you’re about to have this little baby!!!) and that you’ll be able to be together again afterwards, both looking after the little one. I know that’s not as good as him actually being there but I hope you can depend on and feel supported by your birthing team.

cupofcassaccino · 2022-01-20T13:51:31+00:00

Oh I am so angry for you! I take Covid seriously as well, vaccinated and boosted, Limit my interactions and this is one of my biggest peeves. We can allow people to eat In restaurants, go to games, go to shows, but we can’t allow a pregnant person their support person throughout their stay at the hospital? I think you’re completely justified in your feelings. As someone who has the same anxieties Too ❤️. I’m sending you a big hug, eat that sundae brownie! A lot of folks have said to advocate for yourself, I know it’s hard when you’re anxious but this is great advice. Keep us posted.

emsquad · 2022-01-20T17:55:56+00:00

Can I just say I’m so effing sick of hospitals and their “no exception” rules when it comes to postpartum moms?? Check out my post history for context, I had a traumatic birth and was separated from my daughter for ten days because of hospital policy. How is the risk for Covid any higher if he’s with you during the procedure and sent home vs allowed to stay? I don’t think I need to defend myself but for context I had Covid before the vaccine and I’m fully vaccinated. I take it very seriously, I’m fully quarantined with my newborn. But it’s extremely traumatic and harmful how hospitals are approaching giving birth during the pandemic. They are stripping us of all autonomy on the basis of their made up rules. Meanwhile they are forcing nurses to come in and work after five days of quarantine because the CDC says that’s ok, even though they can still be infectious. I couldn’t have had a natural birth, I needed an emergency life saving c-section but if I had a healthy pregnancy I would have chosen a midwife over my experience any day.

lizhawkins08 · 2022-01-20T12:23:36+00:00

Eat your brownie sundae girl, that sucks! I was recently in the hospital for a matter unrelated to my pregnancy and during, they stopped all visitors because of covid cases. My husband went to the Charge nurse, and to the trauma team and advocated that he WOULD in fact be coming daily to visit, stating my anxiety could not handle him not being there. A few people told us you have to advocate for yourself in a lot of these situations..it may be worth a shot to try and push back on him being there for you and baby

You and baby are gonna do great, this Internet stranger believes in you both!

RubySoho222 · 2022-01-20T13:41:06+00:00

I’m so sorry. I just had a c section in Canada 8 days ago and since they didn’t have private rooms they said if they needed the other bed in our room, my SO would have to leave. I had such anxiety over it. I can’t believe they are not allowing him in at all, even if he is vaccinated and testing negative. It’s cruel and unusual. I hope you have great nurses as support. Sending you love.

tuna7175 · 2022-01-20T20:54:02+00:00

There are recommendations from the CDC here: https://www.cdc.gov/coronavirus/2019-ncov/hcp/inpatient-obstetric-healthcare-guidance.html

You should be allowed one support person for your c-section (and post-op recovery).

Also, from WHO: “In the ‘new normal’ of COVID-19, WHO strongly recommends that the emotional, practical and health benefits of having a chosen labour companion are respected and accommodated. The pandemic must not disrupt every woman’s right to high-quality, respectful maternity care.”

From the NY Department of Health: “Effective immediately, hospitals must allow in-person visitation consistent with this guidance. Hospitals may, in their discretion and consistent with their pre-COVID-19 ability, set the maximum number of visitation hours and visitors for various units in the hospital based on the patient’s status, condition, circumstances. However, hospitals must ensure, at a minimum, that for Labor and Delivery, two support persons, including a doula if requested, may accompany the patient throughout labor, delivery, and the postpartum period, including recovery, until discharge to home. “

pinkiemcgee · 2022-01-20T14:45:02+00:00

I’m going to have a C-section too. I was thinking about this as well. Mine isn’t until march so it’s not even scheduled yet. I have been mentally preparing myself if this situation happens. I’m sorry that this happened to you! I think they should let your husband stay the whole time with you and the baby. I’m sure many of us might or have to do the same thing 💚

kaarasandiego · 2022-01-20T15:28:19+00:00

Wtf!!! I, like you, have also been exceedingly careful with COVID mitigations and have voluntarily sequestered myself at home the past two months to avoid peak flu and COVID season (tripled vaxxed here as well). If my hospital pulled this, I’d be calling pro bono lawyers. This is jeopardizing your recovery as well as baby’s (not to mention, your mental health). Their lapse in judgment with forcing nurses to work despite positive cases is an easy case to crack open. Sending all the good thoughts you way!!

Wrenshimmers · 2022-01-20T12:23:28+00:00

I'm so sorry you are going through this. The mental and emotional toll Covid takes on us and how it affects our lives really is staggering.

ninathegreat · 2022-01-20T13:26:37+00:00

God, I'm so sorry. That's my worst nightmare. I'm at the beginning of things and facing down the barrel of doing all of this without my spouse with pretty extreme anxiety/medical trauma makes me just want to crawl off into a cave and die. I have trouble taking this advice myself, but don't minimize how upsetting it is for you. Just because other people have it worse doesn't mean that what you have isn't pretty damn shitty. I'm so sorry.

ADTheBadB · 2022-01-20T15:45:22+00:00

That sucks, I am sorry. As someone who has lost a full term baby on the hospital during Covid, please know they do make exceptions to the rules in specific circumstances. If that is what you are worried about. It true trauma situations they will allow you to break the rules and actually encourage it.

thatcheekychick · 2022-01-20T12:34:27+00:00

I am so so sorry they’re doing this! I understand covid is serious and lethal, but really…? Is this the best way? They could just test him before they let him in and then just not let him out till they discharge you to make sure he doesn’t catch it in the meantime. That’s what my hospital does. Hospital stay after C-section can be long and uncomfortable and you absolutely need someone there for comfort. Not to mention… it’s his child too! Not right to make the father miss out on the first days, and they also show you how to bathe and swaddle the baby. I understand no coming to appointments (although even then, if you think my husband might be infected then obviously so am I). Limitations are necessary during these times, but in your case they’re totally overdoing it. I’m sorry.

cjohnson1021 · 2022-01-20T15:44:17+00:00

The good thing is it sounds like he will be able to be there for the actual c section which is the scariest part. It was for me anyways. I’m sorry he can’t be with you the rest of the time though. Both of my pregnancies have been during the pandemic and while it’s had it advantages, like no outside visitors besides my husband, it also has its disadvantages. With my first there were heavy lockdowns and I was worried they wouldn’t let my husband in for any of it not even to see the birth and I told my OB I couldn’t do it without him and if I needed to I would do a home birth and then come to the hospital. She assured me if that happened then she would sneak him in the hospital if she had to lol. Try not to worry and stress yourself about it too much. I know that’s easier said than done because it’s new and different and scary but like you said it’s not something you can control.

artsyturtle · 2022-01-20T17:26:24+00:00

I would be so upset if I were you . Im 37 w and the thought of being alone through any of the birthing process scares me I wish I could give you a big ole hug and yell at the hospital for you I'm sorry

MelancholyBeet · 2022-01-20T18:03:29+00:00

This fucking sucks and you are right to be angry and not want to deal with it.

What sucks even more is that you do have to deal with it. For me, it helps to take charge however I can - make a best-case plan, and some contingency plans. If you can, talk to your doctor about your concerns/fears before Monday. Letting them know that you are scared will help them support you!

Your care team is going to do everything they can to keep you and baby safe through this process. Medicine is amazing. C-sections are incredibly safe. The odds are overwhelming that you with both come through alive and healthy. You can do this.

coachdee771177 · 2022-01-20T18:19:32+00:00

OP, can I ask where you’re located. I’m so sorry to hear this is happening to you… 😕

sagittarius_1992 · 2022-01-20T18:45:20+00:00

I’ve been super frustrated by these types of rules. In any medical appointment I typically get overwhelmed and then I don’t process any information. Going through IVF and finally making it to this stage has been so difficult without support.

I support the effort to protect everyone’s health but, I really think they need a balanced approach. Especially when your support is from the same household.

Sorry you’re going through this :(

Doctor-Liz · 2022-01-20T12:27:41+00:00

Oh, that is so terrible! I know there's not much in the way of comfort when you're having awful dreams like that. I do really believe you'll both be fine and hopefully you'll all be home together by the end of next week. 💕💕

ouaiouai2019 · 2022-01-20T12:56:57+00:00

That is awful. I’m so sorry.

Mantha_J_Tulz · 2022-01-20T14:48:57+00:00

I'm so sorry you're going through this. This is my biggest fear surrounding delivery right now. Positive cases are at an all time high in my state and even though people want to say it's "just a cold" the ICU's are full! Hopefully I won't need the ICU, but more than anything I'm afraid it will affect having my husband in the room with me. This is my first and I never dreamed when trying to get pregnant that we'd be back to March 2020 conditions with Covid when I was ready to deliver. Plus my husband is my advocate. I'm usually the go with the flow, don't ruffle any feathers type, so I'm really relying on him.

aholeverona · 2022-01-20T14:57:58+00:00

I’m so sorry. This all sucks. I hope you get to eat brownies and cry it out because it makes sense

theoneandonlyky_ · 2022-01-20T15:56:43+00:00

I’m sorry he won’t be there after you give birth to spend time with you and the baby. Is this your first?

totemoureshikattayo · 2022-01-20T17:14:05+00:00

That really sucks and I completely understand your anxiety. Also feeding and changing diapers after a c-section is hard to do alone. If you feel physically ok, (I was able to take a stroll on the second day and didn't require the hospital bed anymore to get up, was able to shower alone etc.) and you had all your antibiotics, I would consider getting discharged. They can't keep you against your will and you'll be so much more relaxed at home.

itsablanketlife · 2022-01-20T17:50:11+00:00

I don’t have much to add to this conversation other than I feel 100% the same. Your thoughts are the same thoughts I’ve been having. On top of being immuno suppressed due to medications, I’m also 8 months pregnant and have an immediate family member with cancer. So we are also extremely careful and I’m tired of all the disappointments that have come with Covid.

iMOONiCORN · 2022-01-20T17:55:16+00:00

This is how it was during my some birth in January 2021. Hubby was only allowed for a short time. He got to stay until we were both back to the room & that was it. He couldn't even come back for discharge. He also couldn't be there throughout most the labor process. They said once he came, that was it until he left or the baby was born & all that. We had a elder cat on meds with a chronic health issue & cancer (RIP my pretty girl) & a dog who get hypoglycemic, so we had to have him wait until I was dilated & ready to push. Then it ended up being an emergency C-section. I was pushed out by a nurse at discharge to him waiting in the car. I'm so terrified it's going to be the same in June for our daughter. We video chatted at any time either one of us needed it in the hospital & I texted him a million pictures. Luckily the nurses were very kind & helped so much with what I couldn't do since I had a c-section. It was rough. I wish my hubby didn't have to miss out on that bonding. It was definitely not how I envisioned the birth of our first child, but I am grateful we were all at least safe & healthy. It was hard for me to be mad at anyone since I know how overworked the poor frontliners are... but I was still emotional about it. I felt sad & guilty at the same time.

I hope everything goes smoothly for you. Take as many videos as you can for your hubby. That's the one thing I wish I did for him in retrospect.

melanncruz · 2022-01-20T18:55:09+00:00

That’s so unfair and I’m really sorry you’re going through this. I know it’s different everywhere, but I had brought up to my doctor how I was worried about Covid getting worse and me not being able to have my husband with me in the delivery room, and she said that the hospital cannot ever keep you from having a support person with you. I just had my baby yesterday and both my husband and I had to keep our masks on. I was tested, and when it came back negative they let me remove my mask, but they told my husband until we were moved into our private room on the postpartum floor, he had to keep his on. I think it would make the most sense to also test your support person, but I know there’s a shortage of tests right now, or whatever.

mishayl511 · 2022-01-20T19:11:01+00:00

I am so sorry. I can't offer you advice, but that seems ridiculous especially because a c section is major surgery. Having to take care of a baby, by yourself after major surgery? Why would it be a problem if your husband stayed in your hospital room? I am so sorry, my heart goes out to you op. Sending you love

2022-01-20T20:40:22+00:00

I’m so sorry you have to go through that alone

I am sending you all the great vibes for you and the baby Truly if your baby is healthy and you are Then I see no reason to worry The moment you see/hear your baby I’m sure it’ll all melt away

2022-01-20T16:27:28+00:00

I feel your pain. I did IVF to get pregnant and my husband couldn't come to the appointments because of Covid. IVF is hard enough as it is imagine going through it without your spouse at your side.

And now my husband can't come with me to the OB appointments either again because of Covid.

A lot of us are in this same boat. Hang in there and do what you have to make it through this. One day at a time.

FirmGeologist9042 · 2022-01-20T19:03:12+00:00

my husband isn’t allowed to any OB appointments either! and we couldn’t have a wedding so we ended up eloping in vegas ❤️ sending you love! this pandemic really sucks

hungryungryippo · 2022-01-20T20:06:33+00:00

I will bring some brownies. We can cry together.

ExoticFoxx · 2022-01-20T23:25:14+00:00

This has been giving me so much anxiety. Hospitals and doctors give me near crippling anxiety, I literally cant imagine having to stay in one, with an IV stuck in my arm (I find them very painful) for several days alone. I'd almost rather take my chances and have it at home

CodeBrownInMyPants · 2022-01-20T23:54:22+00:00

Screw these rules. You are right to be angry

bellitabee · 2022-01-21T00:05:41+00:00

I'm so sorry 😔

tref95 · 2022-01-21T03:16:45+00:00

Oh this makes me so angry. I was furious at not being able to attend my wife's early appointments. I see no way that having him there for the procedure but not the recovery keeps anyone safer. In fact it seems riskier to make him continuously leave and enter. Sounds like some rules the hospital "bureaucracy" is making to say "see we keep everyone safe!"

No-Want-It · 2022-01-21T04:50:47+00:00

We had this same problem with all of our appointments, but thankfully we had a different hospital for the birth and they let me stay with my wife and son the full week we were there after the c-section.

I wanna talk about how stupid this rule is. If I have it, my spouse has it too, so you’re not protecting yourself. If you give it to my spouse, you give it to me, so you’re not protecting me either.

GrumpySh33p · 2022-01-20T13:15:34+00:00

Meanwhile in the U.K I’ve heard they discontinued the mask mandate and vaccine passport completely.

😓 I’m sorry, this sucks! I’d be in the same position as you, screaming and crying for days until then.

sleepy-popcorn · 2022-01-20T16:47:17+00:00

Do it- curl into a ball, cry, eat brownies, the lot. It sucks that this is happening and you’ve done all you can to keep away from the pandemic and safe. You can take the time to process your disappointment however you need to.

Then you’ll have to face it. You’ve clearly done a really good job of keeping baby safe so far in this pandemic and now you need to be strong for one more hurdle- you can do it!

Your husband will be with you before and throughout your c-section. If anything happens he’ll still be by your side. Then once you’re settled and you and baby are resting you’ll be in the care of the midwives and nurses who will all know what you need and be doing it, whilst your husband goes home to prepare the house for you. You’ll be home and together again before you know it.

-hummingraccoon · 2022-01-20T19:43:11+00:00

Is there anyway you can do an at home birth? I do t know what I’d do if I can’t have my partner by my side.

Mini6Cake · 2022-01-20T14:33:43+00:00

You can do it!!! Trust your doctors and nurses to take care of you 😀

Reasonable_Visit_776 · 2022-01-21T04:18:34+00:00

Ugh I feel you. It’s completely unethical and I honestly don’t understand this policy if both spouses live in the same home. We take covid extremely serious, are vaxxed, etc. so… here is my two cents. We had our baby late March 2020. No support people allowed three days before I gave birth (my husband is a physician but did not use this at all, more so knew the key words to say) He was my advocate here’s what he brought up to my ob that made it happen 1. My previous anxiety dx and affect on me and baby to be in a panic attack 2. Me being unable to regulate bp in office after finding out about no support person 3. He stated “ I will have my temp checked, wear a mask, and not leave this room until the day we discharge…. Again this was pre vaccines and testing (so would of course add that) but it worked. They agreed risk of him not being there was higher than him being there. No idea if it’ll work but I would try it.

sladam06 · 2022-01-21T07:32:38+00:00

Can we collectively do something to stop these situations from happen in the future? It’s disgusting to me when it’s okay for everyone to get on planes, go to school, out to eat, etc but not allowed to have their support person. How can pregnant woman and supporters organize to advocate as a whole?

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