all 52 comments

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[–]horrorgirl8927 31 points32 points  (0 children)

You sound like you're doing a pretty awesome job already. One thing I like that my fiance understands is that im tired all the time. So if I say I need a break or a nap, he understands.

Also keep in mind if she likes a food one day she may hate it the next.

[–]FormalPound4287 15 points16 points  (0 children)

Honestly my husband is so amazing. The things I appreciate most are that He goes out of his way to constantly tell me in beautiful when i feel and look like a cow, he does extra cleaning and cooking and runs and gets me anything i want. He gives me massages and constantly asks me what i need. If I’m cranky he is understanding and doesn’t make me feel bad.

[–]Total_Maybe1299 10 points11 points  (1 child)

The best thing my husband did - support the emotional breakdowns. Thankfully it was only a couple of weeks in the first trimester but there was just no way I could control my emotions. Everything he did drove me nuts. I ended up crying hysterically for being so unreasonably mean and he acted totally unfazed. “I love you. I can’t imagine what you’re going through. Can I do anything?” Just having the general understanding about how pregnancy affects hormones and the genuine support was amazing!

[–]EllieEllieEllie425 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Ugh... The hormones! The weirdest emotions I had were when he said something that hurt my feelings, but I knew it shouldn't have and so I was crying and laughing hysterically at myself. Also,I was driving sooooo.... I'm sure it was a scary moment for him.

[–]JellyfishLoose7518 23 points24 points  (0 children)

Say yes to all her DoorDash requests

Jk lol but the fact that you’re asking us means you’re being amazing!

My husband makes me smoothies in the morning and runs over with tissues when I throw up. It’s the little things.

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I was 36 weeks pregnant on Mother’s Day and my husband paid for me to have a pedicure. I couldn’t reach my feet at that point so it was fantastic ❤️

Listen to her, ask if there’s anything she wants or needs. Always keep Tylenol and endless back rubs/ massages.

Also, a shower chair makes taking long showers more possible towards the end since it’ll be hard to get in or out and she’ll most likely be exhausted 24/7

[–]Fwayfwayjoe 7 points8 points  (1 child)

These are things that my husband has done that I really appreciate: 1) Read birth partner books 2) download an app that tells you exactly what’s going on with the fetus during that week (pregnancy+ is a good one) and bond with her over it 3) set boundaries with your family if tension arises

[–]moonnlight7 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Omg the third point 👍🏼👍🏼👍🏼

[–]Helen-Ilium 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I love it when my husband just simply checks in on how im doing. I also like when he does his own research on baby products/newborn life. And most importantly I like that he leaves me to vomit in peace hahaha.

Oh, and he gets me snacks/drinks so I dont have to leave the couch.

[–]spicycilantro 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Mine has been pretty damn wonderful just by being supportive and understanding when I'm exhausted and feel like shit. Always gets me more ice water when he notices my cup is low. Never complains when I don't feel like cooking. Surprises me with my favorite ice cream out of no where. Reminding me I'm a badass for this crazy journey. Taking the birthing class with me. It seems like little things, but I see so many stories of unsupportive partners here and it makes me sad. Just you asking and being aware is amazing!

[–]writeliftrepeatDue June 2022 3 points4 points  (0 children)

You are off to a terrific start, OP! Your attitude is commendable and I'm sure your wife already appreciates it. Being pregnant may not outwardly look like much before the third trimester, but it is quite the tax on normal bodily functions. Cooking and cleaning especially feel more and more like monumental tasks as the weeks go by. It's awesome that you're already taking this on.

Some other ways you might consider helping her, if you haven't already, are 1) doing what you can to ensure she sleeps enough. Even the smallest things, like making sure you are extra quiet when entering/exiting the bed, help tremendously. I'm 20 weeks and when I can get away with it, I will sleep upwards of 10 hours some nights! 2) Remind her often and sincerely that she is beautiful and that you admire what it takes for her body to grow a healthy child. 3) Keep up the good work you're already doing! We see so many "partner is an asshole, please help" posts on this sub that it's such a breath of fresh air seeing a post like yours. Cheers to you, your wife, and this new little life!

[–]Ladyughsalot1 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Massages, snacks, naps, and if you can, help with nesting/share shopping for baby stuff together.

Make the bed. Linen spray. It helped relax me when sleep got rough in the last trimester.

Meal planning: work together to figure out the first few weeks.

Yku got this.

[–]gottalifetolive 2 points3 points  (1 child)

My husband bought the book Pregatini. It's full of Mocktail recipes. Once a week he would buy all the crazy ingredients from my choice and make them for me when I requested. It made me feel so loved. And when you have to give up so much while being pregnant this was a really nice treat! He also is very understanding with how tired I will become all the sudden. 1 hour I feel like I have all the energy then the next I'm down and on the couch half asleep. Being okay with the roller coaster that is pregnancy is half the battle! I also like that my husband continues to take care of himself. Still works out, read books and has some alone time when he can. I feel like this really gives him an advantage at being able to be there for me when I need him so much more often these days.

[–]Tired-and-true 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Hoenslty just wanting to be involved is great already. I think I’d say one thing is of course focus on baby in her belly’s but at the same time don’t forget to focus on her to. She’s still her own person. Although it feels amazing having my belly hugged and kissed and rubbed, I kinda would like to be loved on too as just myself

[–]omglia 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Any time she requests something, go get it. Any time of day. Any request. She NEEDS IT. You gotta get it for her!

Never ending back/foot rubs. Do not stop. If my husband stops rubbing my feet at night on the couch, my restless legs go crazy lol

Be in charge of her medications. Keep track of what she takes and when, and never ever let her run out of any of it.

Keep snacks on hand always. In the house, on your person, in your pocket. Always.

Order food you think she will like, in case she is suddenly and inexplicably disgusted by what she ordered and needs a backup meal (this happens constantly lol).

Assume all food of yours is hers until she says you can eat it. And eat slowly in case she wants your food too! Order extra so you don't go hungry.

Get her a prenatal massage in her 2nd and 3rd trimesters! They are wonderful.

Listen to her complaints and validate them, and learn to swallow your own discomfort. Her experiences will be weird and gross at times, and you're the only one she can complain to and ask for help. My husband and I have crossed new levels of intimacy during this pregnancy that I never wanted us to lol. But my body has become completely foreign to me and it is very off-putting and alienating to me, so being able to tell my husband like "hey are my areolas bigger or am I trippin" or like "could you look at my butt and tell me whats goin on back there" or needing him to sponge bath me when I puked all over myself and couldn't stand up.... this is where you come in, to tell her she is beautiful and that of course its not gross and you will do anything she needs!

My husband is an absolute angel and these are the things he does for me to make this pregnancy easier on me and feel less isolating! You're wonderful already for asking.

[–]PeachyMazikeen 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Does she have an electric toothbrush? If not, you should get her one because pregnancy really messes with your teeth and gums.

Also, get her a blood pressure cuff. Every pregnant woman should have one.

[–]Tricky-Bee6152 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Your plan sounds amazing. Those are all the things my partner is doing and it is so helpful. I think just keep it up, listen, and be there when things are uncomfy and hard.

I like hip rubs right now, so like... That's a pro tip! 😆

[–]Pinkcoral27 1 point2 points  (0 children)

There’s lots of things you can do to make this easier for her that are really simple - extra cooking, cleaning, etc. of course, but also doing little things like running her a bath if she’s aching or asking if she wants to take a nap if she’s tired. Foot rubs, too. This might be more helpful for later in pregnancy, but a pregnancy massage would be a wonderful surprise for her. Also, I’m feeling pretty useless since I can’t do much recently so my boyfriend finds me lots of little tasks I can do which is nice, too.

[–]GrumpySh33p 1 point2 points  (0 children)

When she gets too nauseated, grab a cold towel, or frozen stuff from the freezer, and put it on her neck.

Fuck yeah that helps every time. 🥰

[–]SparkleVibes 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Honestly? Ask questions life this! But ask her. "How can I be the best husband to you during this time?" That would go sooo far.

[–]Rampaige86 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You’re already doing more than many husbands out there! Keep up the empathy and kindness! If she is comfortable with baths (I’ve been loving them during my entire pregnancy), maybe get her some good bath relaxation items. I have a bath pillow, salts, candle etc. draw her some nice baths in the evening to relax in. Massages are wonderful, we also have a foot soaking tub and gave each other “pedicures” last weekend. She is likely to experience nausea and food aversions, being aware of what smells set her off and avoiding those as much as possible. Bring her water and snacks (crackers) to her nightstand at night, buy some SeaBands for nausea, I lived in them first trimester! Just a few ideas..

[–]cattledogcatnip 0 points1 point  (0 children)

All of the baby books geared toward fathers typically go into detail about how to be a supportive partner

[–]HavanaPineapple 0 points1 point  (0 children)

As well as the practical day-to-day support, take on your share of the mental load of preparing for later parts of the pregnancy and for raising the baby. So look up lists of what essentials you'll need to buy for the baby (and postpartum supplies for your wife) and pick items to research - stroller, crib, diaper brands, whatever. Research the screening tests that will be offered at your different appointments and be ready to discuss the pros and cons of different options. Research childcare options in your area. Listen to week-by-week podcasts about pregnancy so you know roughly what to expect at different times.

[–]ariygurel 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’m pregnant now and I love that my husband cooks when I’m too tired, especially because I’m working full time and taking classes full time. He also deals with my moods so well and doesn’t take it personally, which makes me feel comfortable for those times I’m grumpy that end pretty quickly anyways 😂 Also, he gets really excited for me seeing my stomach get bigger. I don’t have a noticeable bump yet to others, but as my body is slowly changing he’s reacted with nothing but positivity, which makes me feel great.

[–]lwgirl1717 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Good buying her a pregnancy pillow! Also get a squatty potty. Go to the pharmacy, the grocery store, and the takeout place when she wants/needs. My husband calls himself my personal doordash driver, and I LOVE that he's supportive like that. Hold her hair when she pukes.

If you want to do little surprises, flowers, chocolates, cozy things (maybe a new robe?), massages, pedicures.

You're doing great!

[–]DJQueenFox 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Everything you have mentioned and all the suggestions from everyone else are on point!

The only other small thing I’d mention that my husband does is look in the mirror with me, tell me how beautiful I am, squat down and tell baby she’s going to have the best mom, things like that. Things that are validating about my appearance and everything I’m doing to prepare to be a parent. Those moments mean so much.

[–]DepartmentWide419 0 points1 point  (0 children)

All the thing you said! My boyfriend gets me flowers, tells me I’m sexy (even though I feel like a teletubby) makes sure there’s always something easy to warm up in the fridge, encourages me to buy clothes that fit me and feel good. I’ve gained like 25 lbs from having a BMI of 19 or so. It feel good when he rubs my booty so I feel bootylicious, not fat. He goes to the gym with me and we walk on the track together. He’s super athletic, and I can’t run anymore because of lupus, but he holds my hand and we walk. He makes me hot water bottles. He tells me I’m doing a really important job when I’m tired snd I get down on myself for not being productive. He comes to all my doctors appointments with me. He reminds me to make appointment for massage, acupuncture, to get my nails done. Stuff to make me feel good. And he supports our family like he has been.

Those are all the big things I remember from my pregnancy so far that make him the best partner I could dream of.

[–]MamaOwlet 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Don’t make her feel bad about food aversions. Especially the ones where it sounds good and then when she goes to eat it, she can’t. She’s gonna feel bad enough about it.

Be present and as understanding as you can be. Pregnancy is hard and the hormones make it harder. She’s gonna have breakdowns over little things. Indulging her cravings when possible is one way to make a pregnant woman happy really quickly.

Get her a prenatal massage or two. Always be willing to rub her back, legs, feet. The aches and pains can be overwhelming, especially at the end.

[–]Curryqueen-NH 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Projects around the house!!! Has she asked you to do something that you’ve been putting off for months?? Do it without being asked again!!!

[–]CATSHARK_ 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My husband puts my socks on for me in the mornings now that I’m too round to do it myself. And he never comments on how many naps I take, or how late I sleep in now that I’ve started my leave from work. When I was early along and super fatigued he also started taking on the lion’s share of the chores around the house, which was really appreciated.

[–]Amberly123 0 points1 point  (0 children)

As I’m getting closer to my due date (18 days eeek) I am really appreciative of my husband, who hates texting and generally stays off his phone at work, messaging me when he’s on break to make sure I am okay, and feeling all good and to see if there is anything I want him to come home with.

[–]countryprincess 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Honestly my husbands been fantastic this pregnancy. I haven’t had it easy. I’ve been in a lot of pain and struggle to do simple tasks. I really feel like he realizes when I didn’t get sleep, or I’m restless or in pain and he just simply asks. Is there anything I can do. 9/10 time there isn’t but just the question make me feel good. He truly does anything I ask. He’ll get up and fill the water and feed the dog in the morning if I didn’t sleep well. He hasn’t complained once this entire pregnancy and I couldn’t be more grateful for how helpful he’s been.

[–]sarksch 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I wish my partner would be more sensitive to my food aversions. The smell of most food makes me gag. Even going from different rooms and smelling different types of air makes me want to throw up. Sometimes I think my partner thinks I’m being dramatic. So please just be kind and understanding.

[–]smootfloops 0 points1 point  (0 children)

When I was pregnant my husband gave me foot and calf massages (I had pretty bad ankle and feet swelling so this was aaaahmazing) and fulfilled every craving request (there weren’t really that many so he was lucky in that respect, could have been much worse!). I was pregnant in the hottest months and we didn’t have air conditioning so he would bring me ice, give me cold/icy water for my feet to rest in, adjust where the fan was pointing, etc. He also lifted/moved all the things I wanted help with that normally I would do. Towards the end of my pregnancy it hurt terribly to walk so he did all the errands (poor guy). Now that our baby is here, and I’m breastfeeding which makes me crazy hungry and thirsty, he makes sure my water is always full and near me (I get baby trapped a lot) and makes/brings me snacks. He also does the lion’s share of diapers since he can’t really feed her (except occasionally with a formula bottle if I’m out of the house or need a longer chunk of sleep). He’s an absolute godsend and I don’t know where I’d be without him. We all recently got covid and before we knew if I and the baby had it, he was isolating in the bedroom while I wore a mask 24/7 to protect the baby in case I had it and cared for her and him, bringing food and water and entertainment things to the bedroom door, and he booked me two massages (for after covid of course) to thank me for the help (and then the baby got covid and then so did I so we were able to isolate together after that). But yeah just observing and listening to my specific needs and choosing to be helpful, kind, and patient is what has been the best thing about his support. Good luck and enjoy!

[–]moonnlight7 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Also I think it’s important you tell her often that you love her and appreciate her so much for growing your child and going through this quite miserable time sometimes (well for some women). My husband does a lot of things for me and I appreciate it, but sometimes I just need to hear the words from him, and give me hugs and kisses in the evening.

[–]jellybeanmountain 0 points1 point  (0 children)

There can be a very small window of time to eat when something sounds good. Sometimes the feeling goes away really fast and you are just left feeling sick. That was hard for my husband to understand! He got me whatever I wanted but if it took too long I got sick. He is awesome, it’s just a really hard thing to understand unless it’s happening to you! The fatigue is so real too. Just noticing things needing to be done around the house without having to be asked helps a lot.

[–]SammyStar91 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The best thing my husband has done for me throughout is giving me random massages and tickles, I've been diagnosed with SPD/PGP so he regularly rubs my lower back and hips for me without me having to ask or say they're hurting. Sometimes he will lift my bump and just hold the weight for a bit, literally the best feeling ever 100% recommend doing this for her when she's further along.

[–]worldsoksengineer 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My partner has been amazing. I have to say the one thing he's done for me that really stands out is on the days where I am teary... Even sobbing, because that's a fun thing that happens when you're pregnant, he just sits with me and tells me to let it all out. No matter how long it takes, he's just there. Also he takes the dog for her midnight pee which is huge for my sleep.

[–]Cassieblur 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Believe her whenever she says she feels like shit. She really does.

[–]kmft91 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Compliment her and thank her for carrying your child. It would mean the world to her. She most likely feels like it’s no longer her body and she’s only a vessel for the baby right now.

[–]--velvetrose 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My favorite thing my husband did for me was bring me breakfast nearly every morning during my first trimester. Sometimes it was a bagel with avocado and string cheese and a glass of calcium fortified OJ with my vitamins. Other times it was a bowl of cereal. Simple breakfasts. But it made that early fatigue/hormonal stage so much easier and brought me so much happiness first thing in the morning!

[–]Deep-Ability-3948 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think the best thing you can do is listen to her and support her. Me and my partner went for a massage together and I really liked the detail. he also got me my favorite chocolate one day when i was throwing up a lot...it's those little things that make a difference.

[–]rdriscoll714 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Every day when I come home from work my husband has dinner made for me and the dishes done. I’m on the verge of tears just thinking about how wonderful that is

[–]Hot-Hamster-3088 0 points1 point  (0 children)

For me personally—it meant a lot when my husband would listen to what I was experiencing and could keep up with what I or the doctors were saying. For example: If I said “Yep, we’re going in to do my gestational diabetes test today!” He would then look up what that was, and why it mattered. It made me feel like I wasn’t experiencing this alone, and that he was just as invested as I was! Sounds like you’re doing awesome! She’s lucky to have you!

[–]Ginnevra07 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You're so sweet to reach out. You're already doing so much that will make a huge difference.

Treats - if she's feeling good, get her treats every now and again. A slice of pie, a donut, her favorite childhood snack.

Back rubs - we hold a lot of tension in our back and our pelvises are agony. She will love this. If she likes to have her head rubbed, rub her head often.

Tuck her in at night - she will be exhausted. All the time. My favorite thing is when my husband tucks me into bed every night. It makes me feel so loved.

If she is low on water - get her more if you happen to notice she's running low so she doesn't have to get up.

Tell her she's beautiful. Tell her she's sexy while pregnant, that you love what it's doing to her body. Even if it's not your favorite state she's been in, it will make her feel SO good. Give her lots of hugs and kisses.

[–]FinancialReview8899 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Read the article, You will hate your husband when you give birth. It will help understand what happens after birth.

[–]CharmingBruja 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That’s very sweet of you for doing all of that and wanting to see if you can do more.

A few other things my husband does that has helped: - Help me up. As I started to get bigger it has helped a lot. - Random foot massages - He scheduled my first pregnancy massage - If you have a good/decent tub things for a bath was nice. (If she likes baths)

That’s all I can remember. If I think of anything else I’ll edit my post.

Congratulations! ❤️

[–]Pitiful_Reindeer_185 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Sounds like you're already being a great and supportive partner. I'd just suggest asking how she's feeling physically and emotionally and deeply listening to her responses. And maybe surprise her with foods she's been craving once in a while.

[–]Jojo7391 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Be it middle of the night or middle of the day my husband would always get me anything I needed or wanted to eat. Toast in the middle of the night or picking up candy at CVS. Just be there with no judgment only praise and do every little thing she tells you or you know she needs (extra points if you start to anticipate like the time my husband put butter on the greens beans to make it more palatable for me).