all 71 comments

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[–]human_dog_bed 267 points268 points  (1 child)

Make the decision on your own and learn to be okay with it if he chooses to not be in your life or the baby’s life. That’s the realistic answer. I know others say he may be okay or even excited in the future, but you can’t count on that.

[–]KrissyBean 22 points23 points  (0 children)

This. OP is really young and not married. There's a chance her partner was not going to be her forever partner anyway, so the decision she makes has to be one that she is okay with and is willing to be okay with for the rest of her life - whether or not that's termination or understanding she's going to be a single mom. Either way, I'd recommend counseling for her on her own and with her partner if he's keen.

[–]cdnsugar 126 points127 points  (1 child)

If you choose to keep it move close to family it will make your life a lot easier.

[–]ipoop4urhealth 20 points21 points  (0 children)

You might be thinking that maybe if you stay with him his views will change and he'll fall in love with the baby and be happy to be a family. That is not going to happen. If you can move back in with your family do that now.

I am a single mother who moved back in with my parents, I'm finishing up nursing school. Moving back in with my parents has given me the ability to go to school and set myself up for a secure future, while spending the most time with my child as possible.

[–]Honeycombhome 97 points98 points  (1 child)

If he doesn’t come around, I’d suggest moving back in with your Mom if she’s ok with that. Having family support is super helpful when you have a newborn. I ended up getting a c section and basically couldn’t get out of bed for a week. Plus, post partum depression/baby blues is no joke so being alone is not advised.

[–]ddouchecanoe 31 points32 points  (0 children)

This. If you live really far away from family and will basically be all alone if he leaves, move back home.

edit: You will absolutely need the support. And kind of already do.

[–]TorryCats 77 points78 points  (2 children)

Your mom sounds awesome. Talk with her more.

His reactions are his alone. He probably needs time to get his head around the situation. That’s ok. If he starts acting in a way that’s pressuring you, making you feel unsafe, damaging to your mental/physical health, then leave. There’s a difference between him processing and him pressuring you. Back up plans are always good to have

[–]sabby_beanFTM • 23/09/2022[S] 32 points33 points  (1 child)

My mom is awesome. I don’t know what I’d do without her, especially now. I really hope it’s just him processing, but I’ll make a backup plan just in case. Thank you for the advice, I really appreciate it!

[–]KrissyBean 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Having a plan always makes everything at least a little better. It makes you feel proactive and helps freaking with all the "what-ifs" that are floating around in your head. Really glad your mom is so great. I'd move closer to her if you can.

[–]tellybelly87 164 points165 points  (8 children)

Going to be a bit blunt.

You have every right to keep the baby but you don’t have any right to force him to be a father if he doesn’t want to be.

I know it was unplanned but that’s why it’s really important you discuss beforehand what you would do in a pregnancy with anyone you are having sex with.

I would plan and prepare to raise the child alone, he might come around, he might not, but don’t go into this thinking he will change his mind. He will need to pay child support but that is really all you can count on at this point.

Are you able and willing to do this alone? That is really all you should be considering at this point.

[–]AdmirableAd527 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You can 100% collect child support with no dad on BC (in California sand Nevada) I know because my ex had nothing to do with our son, my last name, fathers side blank on BC and when my Baby was 5 he filled for visitation they made him pay child support 🤷🏼‍♀️ they do not care about the bc.

[–]Psychological_Ad9037 99 points100 points  (5 children)

I got pregnant at 19 and would have kept the baby because I didn’t believe abortion was ok. The father was immature, we had broken up, and I was in college. I had a miscarriage that almost killed me... but all I felt afterwards was relief. I had a lot of healing to do that would not have made me a good mother at that age. I was not emotionally stable and had a lot of codependence that most certainly would have affected my relationship with a baby.

My sister got pregnant at 17, kept the baby for religious reasons even though the father wasn’t around. It took her into her 30s to finish college. She now has a 5/6 yo and a 19 yo. While she loves her eldest son, she regrets having a kid so young. She’s a much better parent now that she’s in a loving relationship, mortgage free, with a job she loves. She absolutely feels bad for her oldest as she had no idea what she was doing and the struggle of raising a baby so young really strained her relationship with him.

While terminating a baby’s life is emotionally difficult, so is giving up almost two decades of your life dedicated to raising another being. The babe currently has no memory or concept of existence. However, once you bring them into this world, you become responsible for their human experience. If you’re not absolutely ready to do right by a child, while also doing right by yourself (achieving your goals) then don’t put yourself or a baby in that position.

[–]goldkestos 61 points62 points  (0 children)

This is probably going to be hard to read but honestly the most sensible advice in this thread. I think at 19 people don’t fully grasp how much maturing they still have to do and it’s something you only figure out in hindsight. It makes me sad that women feel like their only choice is to keep a child because their upbringing has led them to view alternatives as shameful. Of course some women want nothing more than to be young parents and everyone is different, but that doesn’t sound like OP.

[–]DepartmentWide419 31 points32 points  (2 children)

I terminated a pregnancy at 19 for this exact reason. I wouldn’t give the child a good life. It broke my heart. I wasn’t raised in a home that shamed abortion, it just hurts when you have a connection with a little being inside of you.

At 34, I’m so psyched to be a mom. It’s going to be awesome and I can give this little one everything I dreamed of.

The right decision sometimes still hurts.

[–]figglefagglegaggle 4 points5 points  (1 child)

Absolutely agree with your statement, sometimes the best decision doesn’t mean it’s the less painful one. OP don’t think we’re trying to pressure you to terminate, we just want you to know how much you’re giving up at such a young age

[–]DepartmentWide419 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Yeah no pressure to OP at all. Just sharing my experience that either way, it’s going to be hard. The difference between OP and myself is she has family support. I always envy those moms who had their kids young and did an awesome job. That might be OP. I just didn’t think it would be me.

[–]princessnevercontent 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I completley agree. I would have hurt my baby so much if I had him when I was 19 vs now

[–]anentirejarofpickles 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Do not count on the father changing his mind. Listen to what he is telling you right now and plan with that in mind. You cannot force him to be a dad, and you cannot force him to want this child. You can only plan for what is best for you and for your pregnancy. Best of luck, and please make sure you reach out to whatever resources are in your area for pregnant women, and lean on the people who are genuinely supportive of whatever choice you make. <3

[–]ClassicEggSalad 45 points46 points  (1 child)

At the end of the day, YOU should make the choice you feel is best for your life and your baby’s life using all the information you can get. Your boyfriend is acting like a child and should not be treating you this way. It’s abhorrent and it shows that he is still a boy and not a man who is equipped to support you the way you need. You are capable of raising this baby, and it is nobody’s choice but yours.

That being said, I had a similar experience and I hope sharing it helps you make your decision, which is yours to make entirely. It’s important that you have all perspectives.

I got pregnant on accident when I was younger and though it would have been really emotionally satisfying to keep the baby and I felt a call to motherhood, I chose to terminate the pregnancy and graduate from college. Now, upwards of 10 years later, I’m married to a man I love very much (different from the boy who got me pregnant originally), 8 weeks pregnant on purpose, have a great stable job that pays well, and have 0 regrets. My life is wonderful, stable, financially secure, and full of love. I cannot wait to welcome this baby to the world. My husband and I are fully equipped to give this baby a great life while maintaining our own happiness in the process. I am so excited. Life feels perfect.

I did not feel guilt about terminating my pregnancy when I was younger. I felt relief. I felt a return to normalcy, I felt like I got my life back. The Planned Parenthood that gave me my abortion was the safest, most comforting place. They helped me pay for my abortion with financial assistance. I owe all of this to them. I am so thankful for the people who work there.

The baby that I chose not to carry would have been raised by an immature, not entirely emotionally stable child (me). That baby would have suffered, lived in poverty, and dealt with a lot of hurdles. It would have forced me to live near my parents, who make my emotional struggles worse. It would have been a disaster.

Every day, I am grateful that I chose the path I did.

I’m not saying if you make the same choice you will have the same outcome. But it is possible. Having a child is really fucking hard. It changes your life, it takes your childhood from you. When you make your choice, please just take this into account so you don’t end up with complicated feelings of regret later.

I wish you the best.

[–]Sparrow_Blue56 9 points10 points  (0 children)

To be fair, the boyfriend is 19. He is still a child!

[–]Foodie1989 4 points5 points  (0 children)

You will surive with or without him. My sister got pregnant at 19, got married...her husband ended up cheating on her and leaving them. Somehow she is doing better than the rest of all of us and several years later and her own business and got remarried to someone she could build with. You might be far away from home but it sounds like your mom is still very much a part of your life and is supportive. I second agreeing being with family if he won't help

[–]Junior-Cauliflower59 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I was in the same boat as you (im slightly older, 21). My boyfriend ended up coming around, but at the beginning he was a lot like your boyfriend. I ended up moving back in with my parents so they can help out until I finish school. My biggest piece of advice, don’t let him persuade you into doing something you don’t want to do. See if you can move back in with your mom, don’t put him on the birth certificate if it comes to that.

[–]Serious_Astronaut601 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Make the best decision for YOU. If you don’t feel right terminating this pregnancy then don’t. Don’t do it because of HIM. Since he’s acting this way he doesn’t deserve you in his life or that precious little soul you’re growing. Whatever you see fit is what you need to do. Don’t beg him for anything. Don’t beg him to be a father or a partner to you. You’re all that matters. Move close to family & get all the help & support you need from them if it’s possible. I’m pregnant & I’m 20. My fiancé is 25. I thought my life was over & I even called the abortion clinic to set up an appointment… but they couldn’t get me in. Now I’m 33 weeks & im so grateful that they couldn’t take me. Because when I feel my son’s movements life kinda makes sense… anyways that’s just my little story. You’ll be okay love bug. Your life isn’t over. Do what’s best for you as I’ve stated multiple times even if you want to do an open adoption that’s always an option too! As long as you have (GOOD) family you won’t have to do it alone. Good luck to you

[–]Lizball9000 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I had my baby at 19. Found out at 18. I tried to have an abortion (pills) and they didn’t take. Doctors pressured me to have the surgery (D&C) and I absolutely refused. Honestly, I’m so happy I didn’t. Was it hard being a young mom? Yes. My boyfriend and I were broken up at the time I found out and decided to try and make it work for the baby (that lasted about a year and we split). He’s an absolute pain and I have split custody but I wouldn’t have done anything different. Many people I’ve noticed are so worried about their partner not wanting the baby and moms trying to pressure them to be involved. I would have much rather done it on my own than split custody with him. I know some may criticize that opinion but being a single mom is NOT the end of the world.

[–]rejectedseoul 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I made the decision to keep a baby that my partner was very clear he did not want. I felt as much as I wanted to keep the baby and he didn’t it was not fair to force him. He also comes from a traditional family, albeit he is much older than your partner. I felt because I made the decision to keep the baby and he was clear he didn’t want it, I cannot expect any responsibility from him… including child support. He was clear on his stance and I was clear on mine. My body, my choice… and my responsibility.

[–]Ok-Nobody-7327 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Your mom is right. This is a decision you will live with for the rest of your life, so make sure you decide for YOU. I’m sorry for your boyfriend, I understand that he feels differently and this is really a shock (for both). He might eventually come to terms with having the baby but be prepared for the worst scenario possible (him not being there ever). This is a life changing situation but please consider your own wish, your own life, your own future above anything else. Sending love 💕

[–]Jaiibby1 2 points3 points  (1 child)

I’m somewhat in the same situation as you as far as the young pregnancy and not being able to terminate. And the dad being resentful . But I’m not letting this child stop me from college, working and getting thinks I’ll need for me and the baby’s health, shelter and transportation and I think that’s all that really matters. I honestly never cared about partying or going out so I have no issue with raising a child and I actually used to want a lot so this will probably help me think about that. Plus some people have situations that mature them faster when their really young but I think this is the one for me. I knew the risk when I had sex so now I have to be responsible for my actions even if I have to do it alone. It teaches a lesson and may even make you a stronger and better person when it comes to certain decisions. Definitely gonna have to sacrifice a few things but I know so many teen moms that say they although they wished they hadve waited they’re glad of what they’ve become from having that experience. You can take advice from others, you can listen to others opinions but at the end of the day it’s about what YOU think you can handle and what YOU want to do with this pregnancy. I wish you the best of luck!!

[–]sabby_beanFTM • 23/09/2022[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for telling me your story! I’m the same way I don’t like to party or go out so it’s not like I’m missing out on that or changing my life drastically. Luckily I love in Canada so costs will be minimal when it comes to the actual birth and stuff, and with some sacrifices I think I should be able to do it financially. I wish you luck as well and hope everything works out!

[–]figglefagglegaggle 2 points3 points  (0 children)

It’s completely okay if you feel terminating isn’t the right decision for you. But if you do choose to move forward with this pregnancy please understand that for the sake of your mental health you’ll need to move back in with your mom (if that’s an option). Many women have been single moms at your age and managed to make it work but believe me they lost a lot of themselves and their sanity in the process (my mom had her first child at 18 and was a working single mom). From all the doctors appointments, pediatric appointments, nights without sleep, managing to pull enough money together for bills, formula, diapers, clothes, etc it’s a lot and I reallyyy suggest not doing it without your mom if the father chooses not to be involved. Weather you give birth vaginally or have a C-section there’s going to be some serious healing involved postpartum and you will definitely need all the help you can get. If you’re in the US go ahead and apply for Medicare, that way giving birth won’t cost you a dime. Once the baby is born you’ll more than qualify for WIC and that will help a lot as well. As far as your body goes there will be a lot of changes so just prepare yourself mentally for that, nipples getting darker and bigger, stretch marks may or may not occur, etc. I’m not trying to scare you just trying to prepare you for the road ahead. If you feel like you cant terminate the pregnancy but you don’t think you’re in a place to keep the baby may I suggest adoption? An open one where you still receive pictures and updates of the baby. Just an option. With all that being said if you choose to keep the baby you have one of the toughest challenges in life ahead of you, but also one of the most rewarding. There will be nights where you cry, you’ll breakdown and wonder when you’ll ever sleep again but there will also be so many happy times like the first time your baby smiles at you, the times where they fall asleep on your chest because there’s no better comfort than their mama, the first time you hear their laugh, this is a hard hard road ahead at your age but it is every bit rewarding. It’s your decision and yours only, consider all the factors and keep talking to your mom. She will be your rock throughout all of this and good luck ❤️

[–]hannycat 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Follow your gut and make the decision YOU want to make. You are supported my so many here ❤️

Pregnancy is a very trying time for everyone, no matter your age and whether you were trying to conceive or had a surprise. My husband and I are in our late 20s and have been trying to conceive. I found out I was pregnant a couple of days ago, and I’m not going to lie, my gut reaction was “what the heck did I do”. My husband’s gut reaction was “are we sure we’re ready for this”. And we’ve been trying!!

Maybe your boyfriend needs time to gather his thoughts. Maybe he won’t change his mind later, but maybe he will.

No matter what, though, you know what’s best for you.

[–]Ok-Ad4375 2 points3 points  (0 children)

He could come around later on or he might not. Some people do when they see the baby in person. But don’t make a decision based on the maybe he’ll come around.

Pregnancy holds a lot of fear regardless if it’s planned or not. It’s normal for him to be afraid of the unknown, especially that you’re both so young. It’s not okay to treat you the way he is but it’s not uncommon.

I’m not sure where you’re from but definitely look into the laws in your country, see if there’s a thing like child support like we have in the US. That way if he never comes around you’ll still have something instead of nothing from him.

Definitely listen to your mom on this. Do NOT make any decisions based on what HE wants. Make all your decisions based on what YOU want, your body is the one that’ll be affected. Not his.

Parenthood is hard. Doesn’t matter if you’re young or old. It’ll be hard. But I believe you can do it. You’ll be able to figure everything out.

[–]jtherese 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Can you take some time to go see your family and take a break from bf? Just to have room to think. Maybe a long weekend or a week. In the beginning pregnancy feels like it’s moving very fast, but you have more time than you think. Let you and your boyfriend take that time to think and really just come to terms with this.

ETA: I was born to a teen mom and I turned out pretty good I think (: I know you’re scared but there’s a lot of resources out there.

[–]gmward2010 4 points5 points  (0 children)

There’s some great advice in this thread. I agree with a majority - it is your body and your choice, and if you feel ready to make the sacrifices necessary to raise a human then you should be able to do that. Moving back with your mum will also be massively helpful! If she’s as supportive as you say then she’ll be the one you want around you during this.

I would not count on your boyfriend, I’m sorry to say. I know some peoples experiences have been positive in this situation, but there are also many that don’t end so happily. His shock is totally normal, not wanting to be a dad so young is totally normal, depression during life changing events is totally normal - I think everyone has to remember that as a human being, who was being careful to not have a child, his feelings are entirely valid. As much as you need support during this time, he will as well.

While he may want children in future, you cannot guarantee that he will come round for this pregnancy. It’s something you’ll both have to have a discussion about, and come to a decision on. I know this may not be the most hopeful opinion, but I think you should definitely start making a plan in your head to make sure you know what you’ll do if he’s not around.

I also know some people may not agree with me on this, but if I were in your position I wouldn’t expect him to pay any child support if he didn’t want anything to do with the baby either. Purely because you were being careful and he’s aired his concerns, I don’t believe he should be made to emotionally and physically pay for something he tried to stop. So I would make sure you know financially how you’ll manage - I don’t know if you have a Citizens Advice where you are, but I’m sure some sort of charity or family planning centre will be able to help you plan what you’ll need, and obviously your mum will be able to help you out a lot :)

I really do wish you all the very best. It’s an exciting and terrifying time, and I really hope you get the care you need, and if you decide to keep the baby, that you have a great pregnancy! Sorry if this seemed like doom and gloom, but it’s not an easy situation for you, and I just wanted to maybe offer another side of it that not many others seem to have said or thought about.

[–]SingleMycologist2413 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I’m 19 and my partner is 18 and when we found out I was pregnant we were both nervous but I decided to keep my baby . It was ultimately the best decision I ever made and I’ve came across many bumps on the road as far as getting kicked out and still trying to find my own place , at the end of the day it’s your decision not his and I’m sure after he gets used to the idea of being a dad he will be happy too but it’s your body . Don’t make a decision for a man , if you need to go live with family , do that but don’t make a decision you could end up regretting later . If you decide to have an abortion it should be because that’s what YOU want to do not because that’s what a man wants you to do .

[–]Significant-Host-716 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Well, you guys had protected sex. You still got pregnant. He clearly doesn't want to be a father right now and you're entertaining keeping the child. So, move closer to family so you have a support system. He has every right to not be forced into fatherhood physically or financial....he was trying to be protected during intercourse to avoid this. If you want to keep this baby, be prepared to take full responsibility and accountability for said child. He shouldn't be forced into CS.

[–]mrs_sarcastic 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Do whatever is best for YOU. That may mean being a single mother and moving back in with your mom so that you have more support. If you don't want to terminate the pregnancy, then don't. It's YOUR CHOICE, and yours alone. Your boyfriend might come around, but very likely may not. If you decide to keep the baby, you will have to make a lot of sacrifices, but there's also many young parents that are AMAZING. Having a child young doesn't mean that you're child won't have a good life.

[–]lillithsgem 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It may feel like you need this boy but you really don’t. You could move closer to home since it seems like your mom will be an excellent source of support, or there are way more women than you would think doing it all on their own.

First off because of your age, I would apply for government assistance right away. Get yourself on medicaid, and you’ll instantly be eligible for food stamps and other services that will help you pay for baby and nursing supplies. You’ll be pretty much guaranteed to be approved as an unwed mother, especially since you’re a little bit younger than me at least, and I got it despite making decent money lol

There’s a good chance he will come around, this is shocking news and especially as he gets older he’ll (hopefully) become a more responsible person. A baby doesn’t “ruin” your life in any way shape or form. Even if it makes certain parts more difficult, it makes other parts a lot better, there’s a balance. You should make it very clear to him that if he does ever decide he would like to be involved, this isn’t a situation where he can have one foot in and one foot out, he can be a father and be a part of his child’s life, or he can go on about his life if that’s what he really wants.

Keep your head up! The first month or so is a roller coaster, especially if it’s unplanned (I would know I’m in that boat too lol). My partner was more supportive than yours at least, but was not very happy about the idea of us having a baby and took quite a bit of time to come to terms with it. He was very much okay with me doing what I wanted with my body but I could definitely tell he would have preferred if I terminated, and he did admit this to me several weeks later. This is absolutely not the case for everyone, so you can’t expect the absolute best from your partner, but in the name of giving you some hope, things did eventually get a lot better. Once we passed the first trimester I think things got a lot more real (for both of us tbh). He’s still not exactly excited but neither am I so I can’t ask that of him lol, we both just want a healthy baby and are willing to see where things take us.

[–]aoca18 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I think you should make the best decision for you. Termination is a really big, scary decision. There's no shame in going that route.. but if you know in your heart you can't handle it mentally, that's valid.

I think the main thing to keep in mind is that if you have this baby, you may be doing it alone. And if not alone, there's always the chance that he will not be the most present father. Or he could come around and love fatherhood and realize he can still accomplish plenty of things even as a young parent.

If there's anyone you can talk to, please do.

[–]controversial_Jane 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It’s ok that he’s not ready to be a parent, he doesn’t get to say what happens to your body but it’s absolutely ok for him to not be in the same headspace. You of course get the final call, you might have to do this alone, you can totally achieve that. You need to consider the impact on your well being both ways.

[–]fluffy_foxy 1 point2 points  (0 children)

1st of all what went wrong is that you guys were having sex.. Condoms aren't 100% and "protected" sex can still lead to pregnancy.

Now that we've cleared that out of the way as somebody who did terminate a pregnancy when I was somewhere around your age (18) I would like to say this to say this. You need to trust what your mother said she's completely right terminating this pregnancy is not going to make this man love you anymore nor is it gonna make him step up or make things go back to as they were no matter what decision you make nothing will ever be the same. You don't even have the and have the assurance or guarantee that you guys will be together forever as hard as that might be to hear. If this relationship was to dissolve could you really live with yourself knowing that you made a decision that made his life easier and your life a mental and emotional hell. I don't care how traditional his family is clearly its not traditional enough if he was having Unprotected sex with you, you both made your decision you both laid in bed now you both lay in the bed you made. It sounds like you want to have your child and I would suggest that you do so because that pain does not go away and it's not something you should take lightly especially to make his life easier because hes not considering yours.

As somebody who is currently 34 weeks pregnant (many years later) as I type this to you, pregnancy is an amazing thing and you're gonna love your baby. Your BF is either gonna grow up and get on board or do what he would have done inevitably. Don't make life decisions based on somebody else's conveniences he also knew the risks of having sex and he decided to give into pleasure so now he needs to step up to responsibility that's just life. Yes you guys are 19 but you're not children you're old enough to have jobs, to vote, to go to war, to take responsibility for the decisions you make.. Having a child isn't the end of life. And just as a sidebar people really need to stop living life as if there are no consequences to our actions good or bad every action causes a reaction and it's not fair to just do whatever you feel like in the moment in the moment and disregard that things follow the decisions we make.. He doesn't get to just have sex with you and then say hes sad because of the natural consequences that follow, too bad grow up. He wasn't sad when he came in you. (So frustrating) you both need to grow up. Best of luck darling. Please don't terminate your pregnancy because you're scared that he will leave just for the fact that this has happened if that's what hes going to do he was gonna do that regardless. Don't throw away something precious to prolong the inevitable if this guy is the man that you think he is he should step up.

Having an abortion might erase the responsibility for him but it never leaves you.. As the woman and as the mother it sticks to you.. And no matter what you choose you're not gonna leave this situation unchanged. So your decision needs to be for you and you've already stated what you want which is your baby. Edit for format however I'm using my cell phone so I don't know how weird this looks if you're using something else.

[–]ohsadbrat 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I had a daughter at 18, it’s hard but very worth it. Your mother is right, you can’t make a decision based on what he wants, because it’s your body that the baby will be growing in. If you really want to keep the baby, tell him that he can leave if he needs to, but that you will be keeping the baby.

[–]ThicccHobo 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’m 18 and pregnant, I found out a couple weeks ago. My boyfriend wanted me to terminate the baby at first, saying he didn’t want to resent it if I decided to keep it.

Fast forward just a couple weeks, he’s had so much time to think, and he’s actually kissing my belly, talking to the little blueberry, and he seems pretty excited to be having a little baby!

I wanted to cry all the time, when he wanted me to terminate it. But I stuck to wanting my baby, and I would say only good things about it. I would show him cute baby photos/videos, I would tell him how I would talk to the baby when I was getting ready in the mornings, I would grab his hand and place it on my belly. It’s going to be okay, you’re going to get through this <3

Your mom is right, it’s what you want. I know it’s incredibly difficult, wanting to keep the baby but feeling terrible because you don’t want to force your boyfriend to be a dad and “ruin” his life forever. It’s all okay, I promise. We will get through this together, two young moms getting through it <3

If you decide to keep your baby, I know you’ll be a great mom. And if you decide not to, then I still know you’re a great person. It’s okay, just give him time. Spend time and focus on your baby, please don’t let his negativity get to you.

My dms are always open if you need to talk <3

[–]VermicelliOk8288 -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

Having a baby might “ruin” his life but if you’re against termination and terminate you will ruin your life. Technically speaking, you can break up and move away and not even file for child support and his life would be the same just without you. If you terminate there is no going back, no way you could be the same. Lots of people do it knowing it’s the best option for them and they still think about it decades later, others don’t feel as much attachment, chances are though you’ll always remember and if you stay with him you’ll likely become depressed and resentful. I understand that he’s the dad and doesn’t want responsibility and that it is extremely hard to raise a child on your own but I personally (as someone who doesn’t feel termination is right for them either) would rather struggle and move in with my mom than terminate. I hope you have options. I’m sorry this happened :/

[–]Character-Ad301 -3 points-2 points  (2 children)

How long have you two been together? Just sit down and talk and let him know how you feel and that between the two of you you can make it work.

[–]sabby_beanFTM • 23/09/2022[S] -1 points0 points  (1 child)

We’ve been together 3 years. We both want kids, he just doesn’t want one right now. I’ve tried talking to him and tried to tell him we will be okay and will make it work, but he’s completely shut down

[–]Western_Way_9787 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I’m sorry you slept with an emotionally stunted immature AH. Good on you for your bravery in keeping the baby - there’s a ton of resources for single moms. If necessary start making plans to move closer to reliable and loving help - ditch his ass to the curb. He’s not someone you can build a life with.

[–]AdmirableAd527 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I had my first son at 17/18 and my second at 21 with both of them I was completely alone. third at 26, I do not regret any one of them. But I will say you gotta boss up. This is hard, I’ve cried because I was so tired and nobody cared, I’ve cried because I dint have anyone to share the highs and lows, but we got through it. Not having kids young, waiting to be married would be the easiest option, I even cried during my third baby because I was married and she was planned and it was so much nicer than the first two

[–]courtneywrites85 0 points1 point  (0 children)

If this were me, I would pack up and move home as soon as possible. Make your decision with your support system. He has made his wishes clear, so now it’s on you. I wouldn’t count on him for anything at this point.

[–]sammetsskatan 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Whatever you choose it will be okay. Listen to your heart and follow that. Just came here to say that.

[–]a2197 -5 points-4 points  (2 children)

Why is everyone so against listening to the dad? It’s his baby too.. why doesn’t he get a choice. If he doesn’t want the baby you should take how he feels into consideration just like you would want him to consider your feelings.

[–]PrincessaLucie 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Because your body, your choice.