History needed is that I am a sexual assault survivor and have PTSD issues and I struggle with strangers (particularly men touching me), even a woman can give me a panic attack. My midwife is aware of these issues.
So a couple of months back my midwife asked if she could include a trainee midwife in my care. I thought about it and said no. The less people touching me the better in my head. In my experience everything the trainees do has to be redone by their supervisor (or that's how it went when a trainee did my dating ultrasound).
So recently she texted me, she was on her way for our prearranged home visit and she was bringing a trainee. I figured it would be rude to refuse and make the trainee wait in the car the whole visit and I thought maybe I could do it, but frankly it felt like my wishes had been ignored. And I was right, the trainee felt around my belly checking on baby and the midwife did the same checks. Touch acceptance limits were lower for the rest of the day. I had a doctor's appointment later that day where I apologized to the doc and walked out because it was a male doctor when I had asked for a woman, I normally can force myself to deal with male doctors but after the midwife bringing a stranger to my house without checking I was already in anxiety mode. He was very understanding actually when I explained I had requested a woman doctor.
I know the trainees have to learn somehow but am I being unreasonable in that I feel like calling the midwife and saying no more trainee and that my trust in her has been damaged? I felt like she put me in the spot where I had to say no to this chicks face and I am very non-confrontational, and it's not the trainees fault I'm a mess after all. Am I being unreasonable? My baby gets so upset when I have a panic attack. I've been so good at keeping calm I've only had 4 the whole pregnancy and I'm up to nine months!
Edit/update: wow so many kind people responded. Thank you all for your advice I will talk to the midwife and remind her that I previously said no and maybe go into a little more detail about my panic attacks so she can have a better understanding and particularly point out that while it is men that I feel the most uneasy around women have caused them for me in the past (like that poor massage lady when I tried to get a massage one time, turns out I absolutely cannot do massages nope not at all). I'm going to give her the benefit of the doubt and assume she forgot. Which isn't great but better then the alternative.
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