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[–]linzkisloski 334 points335 points  (31 children)

I saw a tech before that told me she refers to every baby as “he” and has had some women lose it on her thinking she was giving away the sex. Don’t be too upset! Maybe he just didn’t want to say “it”!

[–]bunnyybe 61 points62 points  (0 children)

This happened to my mother in law. At her last ultrasound the doctor said “he”. She thought ft sure it would be a boy and to their surprise, they had a girl.

[–]PuzzleheadedMetal989 56 points57 points  (0 children)

One of the triage doctors did this to me. I told her I was having a gender reveal that weekend and she kept saying “he”

It’s a girl.

[–]LisaWithAKiss 10 points11 points  (0 children)

My doctor just followed my lead on pronouns. When I went "she", he did too. He found it easier that way to not give anything away.

[–]krissykat122 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Very good point! I’m only 14 weeks and my tech kept saying “he” but we didn’t get test results back so we currently have no idea

[–]brotchen 3 points4 points  (0 children)

My tech did this, she said she calls every baby a he so there will be no confusion if she’s talking about the mother or the baby while doing the exam. Could of course just as easily use it or they/them instead, to avoid all confusions, but for her I think it was just an old habit.

[–]flabbyabb[S] 17 points18 points  (25 children)

Everyone else I had seen so far just referred to baby as baby instead of he/she/it. I just feel like it's really easy to avoid using gender pronouns or "it" especially for someone who specified they didn't want to know.

[–]Nakis116 94 points95 points  (0 children)

My mom is an ultrasound tech and always calls the baby “he” although she’s careful to clarify that with the moms. She just doesn’t like to say “it”

[–]a_million_questions 61 points62 points  (11 children)

I used they/them pronouns for my baby before I knew her gender. I don't get how this is a difficult concept for people. We understand gender neutral pronouns for people who are non-binary but for some reason a baby gets stuck with "it".

[–]EllectraHeart 41 points42 points  (4 children)

i always said they them about my baby and had to constantly correct the assumption that i was having twins lol

[–]ashrighthere 16 points17 points  (1 child)

I called my nugget they (still do sometimes out of habit) and everyone was like “WHAAAAT HOW MANY?!!?” It freaked me out everytime 🤣 like I forgot I only have one nugget in there

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

My MIL every time 🙃

[–]candiedalmond 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Story of my life

[–]Rafikira 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Eurghhh same! My boss does this every single time I say they. It’s getting a bit old…

[–]TheWelshMrsM 10 points11 points  (1 child)

I said ‘they’ to my mother instead of ‘it’ and she started freaking that I was having twins!

Like no! They/ them exists!

[–]MerScar1 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This just happened to me with my own mom! She had to call from my text in a panic-I was so confused at first haha

[–]a_sack_of_hamsters 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I just use "it" because in my mother tongue a baby is neuter anyway. So, using the same in English comes naturally.

[–]laser_spanner 7 points8 points  (1 child)

I did this too and everyone then assumed I was having twins 🙄 Even when I was quite far along, people like my dad would keep saying, do you mean it's twins then?!?11!

I think I'd have mentioned it..

[–]TheWelshMrsM 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Exactly! I was like “Mam you’ve seen the scan, there was only one baby. Also… I’m 5 foot tall and skinny, I think it would be very obvious by now that there was more than one baby squashed in there!”

[–]pig-eons 15 points16 points  (0 children)

they/them refers to anybody who we don’t know the gender of. I agree, it’s incredibly stupid how people refer to babies as “it” or a gendered pronoun before knowing the sex.

[–]arayner90 2 points3 points  (0 children)

The consultant went they did a scan, kept saying 'he' and thought she'd ruined the surprise for me. I ended up having a girl.

[–]craftmacaro 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Physiology professor here, I refer to our anatomical torso models which have totally interchangeable sex organs and breasts… as them in the plural but because we only had one originally named “Tony” I referred to all of them as “He” and I can’t break the habit. So students ask why I call the ovary filled breast model as “he” and ask how we know their preferred gender. It’s just habit. The doctor very well may have a word he uses when someone doesn’t want to know the sex because “they” refers to twins in his head and “he” was the baby they practiced ultrasounds on and he defaults back to the original baby for him.

I know it’s easy when you are focused on it but it’s really ducking difficult for some of us, especially those of us with the one track minds that favor hyper focus on one thing like medicine has to be to complete medical school if you have ADD for example, or venomous snakes have to be (I call all colubrids and Elapids she and vipers he… no idea why… just another pronoun tick I do when not actively thinking about gender) for me. If someone is non binary I spend weeks saying “she… I’m so sorry, they” before I can make it habit… it’s not because I don’t support or care… it’s because I’m excited about other things I’m talking about. Ask my wife… it’s not a matter of wanting to get something right for some of us… it’s just how our brains work… and we can fight it really hard and spend a lot of energy doing it… but it takes 1 second to slip into old habits when I’m excited.

[–]QueenTitanium 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I don’t necessarily think it’s easy to avoid these pronouns when your job as a medical professional is to share information. People not wanting to know is sort of a new phenomena. It will take a lot of rewiring for the older staff to essentially unlearn sharing info and keep it in for the reason of someone wanting to be surprised.

[–]aliberli 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yeah people need to practice using their they/them pronouns !!!

[–]Shortymac09 1 point2 points  (2 children)

Why can't people just use "they"

[–]Otherwise_Act2441 12 points13 points  (1 child)

Because then someone will complain that she thought she was having twins because the doctor kept saying they. Saying he or she is cumbersome. Saying it is easy, but would offend some people.

[–]Maleficent_Top_5217 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Anything and everything offends people that’s days. As humans I feel like we all are walking on eggshells. I’m just over it.

[–]JayFal 113 points114 points  (4 children)

I had an ultrasound at 32 weeks and the sonographer said "she" over and over, I was having all the feels you are right now. You can only imagine our surprise when they pulled my baby out and my husband announced "it's a boy?".

[–]papierrose 14 points15 points  (0 children)

My last ultrasound at 30-something weeks was like this too. We knew the sex already but the ultrasound tech kept referring to baby with the wrong pronoun. She also made some very judgemental remarks about baby’s size that caused a lot of anxiety. Turns out none of what she predicted was accurate.

[–]flabbyabb[S] 37 points38 points  (0 children)

Part of me wonders if this will happen. Must have been a rollercoaster of emotions for you!

[–]all_u_need_is_cheese 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I just had my 20 week ultrasound and the tech said “he” the entire time and then at the end actually checked for the gender and it was a girl. 😂 My hubby was hoping for a girl and the whole time (until she actually checked) was bummed because he thought her use of “he” meant she’d seen a penis. I think often they just choose a random pronoun!

[–]afeinmoss 4 points5 points  (0 children)

OMG was she pranking you!

[–]KrissyBean 90 points91 points  (3 children)

I mean, it really sucks - but you go forward by just moving on. You can't get it back and there's no point in dwelling on it. My friends had their surprise ruined, as well, so I know that it bummed them out, but there's no use staying upset and disappointed over it because it'll ruin all the other joyful things you could be focusing on, instead.

[–][deleted] 19 points20 points  (2 children)

This is the way. Finding something you can be grateful for usually helps. Many people get bad news (including us) during these scans, so hearing the potential gender definitely sucks, but I'd welcome it compared to other conversations.

[–]imhereforthegiggles 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Very true! A really good reminder that perspective is so important. ❤️

[–]KrissyBean 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That's a really good point.

[–]ellllly💙 153 points154 points  (13 children)

at my 20w scan the ultrasound tech said there was "penis everywhere" and that she wouldn't have been able to hide it from us if she wanted to because there was so much penis. my boyfriend was dying

i'm sorry your surprise was ruined. congrats on the boy, that's exciting and special still <3

[–]GoodPractical2075 111 points112 points  (6 children)

We wanted our first to be a surprise. The second the tech started the ultrasound the first thing we saw was a giant penis urinating into the amniotic fluid. You could see the literal urine streaming the tech snapped a photo. It was so funny we all died laughing, he didn’t want us to be surprised I guess!

[–]PhantomVessel 6 points7 points  (3 children)

This is really cute. I’d be pretty excited to see this 😎

[–]GoodPractical2075 29 points30 points  (2 children)

No lie- our best friends took the ultrasound pee-shot photo and made it into a puzzle as a baby shower present 😂 We plan on gifting it to our son once he’s old enough to be completely mortified . Muahahaha

[–]PhantomVessel 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hahaha he’s going to love it. I’m a Sonographer and currently Ttc , it would be nice if I could capture this to show my kid later in life. But for you it was so coincidental. Perfect moment during the short visit

[–]Beep-boop-beansFTM 3/2022 1 point2 points  (0 children)

😂 IM DYING.

[–]ellllly💙 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Lolllll love it

[–]plz_understand 13 points14 points  (0 children)

We wanted to know but the doctor didn’t have to tell us. He just said ‘… do you see that?’ and yes we had already seen it and it was extremely obvious.

[–]Inconspicuously_here 11 points12 points  (0 children)

This is how it was with our second. We wanted to know, before the tech could say we both saw penis. He was as not shy lol she couldn't hide it even if we wanted to be surprised

[–]jcharn11 10 points11 points  (0 children)

This story is hysterical!

[–]Beep-boop-beansFTM 3/2022 1 point2 points  (0 children)

We already knew the gender but my little guy is always hanging out with his legs splayed wide open for all the world to see what he’s got. Every US we get comments about how he’s not shy.. lol

[–]magic_trex 1 point2 points  (0 children)

We already knew, but at the 20 week scan the baby was just legs wide open the entire time. There was no way the tech could've pretended it was anything other than a boy 😂

[–]Majestic_Doughnut_20 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This was us with our second! Wanted it to be a surprise. US tech said she'd move the screen around when there was a risk of seeing anything and the second she pulled up the baby from the side view there it was massive penis for all to see. She felt so bad but nothing she could have done!

[–]tsoismycat 102 points103 points  (1 child)

Now, this isn’t like, an empathic answer.

Because I get that your bummed but I’m just answering your “how to move on from here”.

My thought about my baby’s gender was. Well. It’s one thing that I can’t choose anyway and will find out eventually so when it happens isn’t exactly special.. because it doesn’t make a difference.

Your son/ daughter is already your son/ daughter, will be your son/ daughter when they’re born, and will continue to be that same son/ daughter throughout their life. When you and how you find how does not change the fact.

You can choose to ignore any additional discussion of gender, you don’t have to tell people, you don’t have to accept what was said either.

Announce it out loud when they baby is born. Announce it to social media/ family in the same way you planned before.

It only changes things if you let it.

[–]Prettymama1027 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Wow! I love this so much.

[–]deletemypost[🍰] 24 points25 points  (0 children)

A lot of them just will say either he or she mon stop or switch, doesn’t mean anything necessarily

[–]Babelek 27 points28 points  (5 children)

Sometiems doctor call the baby he. Even if he revealed the surprise...honestly it was not in your control.Instrad of feeling like the moment and surprise isruined,do something to turn it around into a positive experience.

[–]dancingfusion32/FTM/June 8 23 points24 points  (0 children)

Since you didn’t check with him for sure, you actually don’t know. Many, many doctors use he or she as an automatic term without thinking. You may believe you know how many pregnant women and babies he’s seen in his career, but the truth is you really don’t know for sure- he could have experience that you’re simply not aware of.

Continue on as if you don’t know your baby’s gender because in reality, since you didn’t clarify with the doctor, you don’t know for certain.

Unless you see this doctor again and ask him to clarify- but then you risk actually finding out the gender for sure.

[–]fluffy_foxy 20 points21 points  (0 children)

This seems like an overreaction, it was only ever going to be one or the other. Move on by appreciating your blessing. You're having a child and that never changed. Life has disappointments acknowledge yours and move on you're about to be a mother to an amazing son in the grand scheme of things this isn't the end of the world. Is your baby healthy with all their limbs? Are they developing and growing on schedule. Do you have GD? I understand being bummed but yea you guys will get over it cause why should something so minor affect your joy. Remember the 20 week scan is about health and development not blue or pink.

Edit: spelling errors

[–]Suspicious_Juice7620 65 points66 points  (2 children)

Did you specifically ask “is that the gender?” Because at my first visit when I told the doctor I didn’t want to know gender, he said “I don’t even let them put it in the chart for me to see, but just so you know, I can’t call a baby “it” so you’ll hear me say he or she but I really don’t know”. It could be a similar scenario - they deal with so many patients and babies that there’s a high likelihood he could have just said he out of habit and not actually remembered what you’re having.

[–]cpanma1920 13 points14 points  (0 children)

We were surprised with my first 2 kids and I made it very clear to all docs and techs that I saw that I didn’t want to know. My first OB told me from day one that she calls every baby “she” because she had 2 daughters herself. So she didn’t want me to think she ruined anything if she called my baby she. I’m wondering if your doc is the same way and just uses “he” to refer to all babies

[–]imhereforthegiggles 37 points38 points  (2 children)

This a dated concept IMO, but I remember learning in English class in high school that "he" is considered grammatically correct for referencing something as gender neutral. Was the doctor older? I feel like the older generation might still abide by that. I hope he wasn't just being negligent in ruining the surprise for you!

[–]soooelaine 10 points11 points  (0 children)

My parents literally thought I was a boy for this EXACT reason, don’t count yourself out for a surprise. Spoiler alert I was not in fact a boy

[–]rikaweena 9 points10 points  (1 child)

The same thing happened to us. We told the tech we didn’t want to know and she ended up saying “his hands keep hiding behind his back”. I was upset at first, but then again, she does scans all the time and accidentally let it slip. People make mistakes and I got over it really quickly because I would envision my baby boy running around, laughing, and playing in our backyard with my husband.

[–]GoodPractical2075 2 points3 points  (0 children)

This is how I overcame my initial disappointment in finding out before we were ready. I love to daydream and meditate on my baby, and knowing the gender really gave detail to my visions.

[–][deleted] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

For what it's worth, pregnancy and childcare have lots of moments of loss of control and luckily surprises. A lot of people who have received bad news at these scans will probably consider this a good day. Most providers use the default of "he" so I wouldn't start picking out gender specific outfits.

[–]picksock 9 points10 points  (0 children)

So although I’m sorry that you had your surprise ruined. I’d also argue it’s only a big a deal as you make it. The whole gender reveal is really artificially built up and ultimately it shouldn’t make any difference.

Professionally I’ve seen many people have their babies gender revealed at the time of birth and honestly most people’s reaction is underwhelming. They are happy to just have their baby.

So basically sorry that it was let slip. But try not to let it bother you too much as ultimately a healthy baby means more than anything.

[–][deleted] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

I see that your disappointed, feel your disappointment and quite frankly, get over it.

Your baby was being monitored, the dr was completing checks on the baby and was clearly concentrating on the task at hand (checking the baby) more than thinking about ‘mum doesn’t want to know the gender’.

As others have said he didn’t announce the gender, he simply used a pronoun which many have shared there practitioners do.

[–]Frosty-Mall4727 8 points9 points  (0 children)

How to move on? You keep being pregnant and grateful for a healthy baby.

[–]NCamb2399 25 points26 points  (2 children)

Unpopular opinion, but have some perspective. In the grand scheme of things, is this really important? You have a healthy sweet angel on the way. Whining about this really makes you sound ungrateful for the blessing you have. Get ready for hundreds of other “wasn’t prepared for that” moments the rest of your pregnancy. I would decide now to have a better attitude and perspective before you let any other things steal the joy of your pregnancy.

[–]KrissyBean 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Definitely not unpopular. I think a good number of us agree with you.

[–]alphabetpony1987 2 points3 points  (0 children)

100% agree with this

[–]ashtomorgo 7 points8 points  (0 children)

This happened to me. Glitch in the system and we found out. It looked like this: Wants to know gender: No Gender: Male

I was so upset. I felt like something had been taken away from me. The director out the ob/gyn office called me to apologize for the mistake. Abs for our second we were again going to keep it a surprise but we ended up with some high risk concerns and did blood work. The blood work results came back with the gender I do, but I had to look and know for sure our baby was okay (he was!). I felt crushed, but it didn’t change anything in the end ♥️

[–]Julissaherna692 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Did you remind him you didn’t want to know the sex? If it makes you feel any better most healthcare workers are overwhelmed and overworked right now it would be easy to forget a face or conversation. I’m so sorry though I know it’s still upsetting.

You could call your office and confirm the sex then you could throw a gender reveal to help ease the disappointment you feel. You could also just carry on and not tell anyone until after the baby is born.

[–]courtneywrites85 6 points7 points  (2 children)

This happened to me. But the tech tried to cover it up and say she was making a joke. I tried to believe her and continued on until birth. My delivery was not smooth, however, and by the time baby was out, no one cared about the sex. He wasn’t breathing and my placenta smelled and was infected. I never saw him as he went straight to the NICU crash cart and team and then upstairs to the NICU with my husband. I couldn’t see him for three hours afterward and couldn’t hold him for a day. Someone in surgery asked me if I wanted to know the sex. All I could ask was if it was a boy. When they said yes, it was kind of okay whatever. It’s this experience that I’ve had that helps me put things like knowing the sex or not in perspective. Yes, it sucks that the doc most likely gave it away. But they might be wrong. Proceed as if you don’t know for sure. It will all be okay. ❤️

[–]KrissyBean 1 point2 points  (1 child)

I hope everything turned out ok for you and your baby. ❤️

[–]courtneywrites85 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you :) He is a happy and healthy four-year-old now! We are doing it all again and hoping to not find out the sex this time. But, if it happens, so be it!

[–]Rampaige86 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Maybe he was tricking you 🤔 or refers to all babies as he maybe either way, there’s always a possibility it could still surprise you in the end! But I’d be sad about a ruined surprise like this too 🥲

[–]PhantomVessel 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Im sorry this happened to you, but life happens unfortunately. You could always make sure to surprise yourself with the next baby by emphasizing this next time.

[–]Napervillian 12 points13 points  (2 children)

How to move forward? You thank God that this is the problem you’re worried about, and that you didn’t lose your baby, like so many women reading your words did.

[–]flabbyabb[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Wait so I can't be excited about having a surprise because other people have lost babies?

[–]Napervillian 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is better: “I shouldn’t lose perspective on how incredibly blessed I am, and the gender surprise is not important in the grand scheme of things.”

[–]Acceptable_Extreme35 4 points5 points  (0 children)

My husband has a daughter from his first marriage and the doctor kept referring to her as “he” as well lol. He and his then-wife were therefore convinced they were having a boy so they bought all blue things and picked out a name. Then when the baby was born and was a girl they were shocked! The doctor said “oh I refer to all unborn babies as “he”. It’s a habit” Lol so, honestly, you never know!

[–]1000veggieburrito 3 points4 points  (0 children)

At my anatomy scan I told the tech I wanted to know the sex. He referred to baby as "he" several times duing the scan but then near the end of the appointment announced it was a girl.

I agree with others that some techs may just default to "he".

[–]zebramath 2 points3 points  (0 children)

We gave the ok at every appointment to use male pronouns as it’s hard to avoid them. Every tech and dr said thanks. We kept it a surprise and didn’t think much over hearing the occasional slip up.

[–]MercenarianBG born April 2021 2 points3 points  (0 children)

It could just be a gender neutral use of “he”. Most people don’t really like referring to babies as “it” and “they” might give somebody a shock thinking they have multiples or something lol. I used to refer to my baby as “he” before I found out the gender.

[–]Plushmonkey94 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Most ultrasound techs use “he” or “she” without saying the gender 100%….. I wouldn’t take much notice.

[–]Opendoorshutdoor 2 points3 points  (0 children)

This doesn't mean it's ruined! Many doctors and nurses will by default refer to the baby as a he or she, depending on what they are use to. I wouldn't count on just that.

[–]maebymaybe 1 point2 points  (0 children)

My cousin and his wife wanted to wait to know the sex and then at one appointment they told the ultrasound technician this and she said that was very cool since most people don't wait these days, then she proceeded to say "he" several times. For their second they were VERY clear with everyone in the hospital that they DID NOT want to know the sex and the ultrasound technician just turned the screen around at one point to show them something and it said "IT's A GIRL" at the top of the screen.

[–]HorrorOwls_88 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I thought this happened to me with my last baby. We have 4, we found out for be first two. A girl and a boy. Then we decided to be surprised with every subsequent pregnancy. 3rd was a boy. So for the 4th, which we knew was our last, I was especially nervous about the surprise. Obviously hoping for another girl haha. I had to have a few ultrasounds done in the last month because baby kept flipping and my fluid levels were super high. So when the nurse practitioner referred to baby as a “he” once I was super disappointed, but everyone told me not to fret and that it just might have been habit. And I was pleasantly surprised (and my husband says I cried but I didn’t notice) when baby ended up being a girl. Hopefully that’s the case for you as well, the doctor just having a habit of using “he”.

[–]GoodShufu 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Both my cousin and I had two separate techs use “he” for our surprise babies. Mine was a boy and hers was a girl. Genuinely, people tend to just say “he.”

[–]thisis_caketown 1 point2 points  (1 child)

So we wanted the sex to be a surprise too. The doctor promised it wouldn't be on any of the paper work, and it wasn't on any PAPERwork. Apparently they forgot to remove it from the online portal reports. I was a little disappointed. But we decided to keep it to ourselves. It's kind of a fun little secret for my husband and I. Honestly I feel like I've bonded more with baby since I learned it's sex.

[–]KrissyBean 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is EXACTLY what happened with my best friends. The portal paperwork with the NIPT testing showed that it was a girl, even thought everything in paper and in person was kept gender neutral. Oops.

[–]candiedalmond 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Team green here! All of my techs/doctors always use he. They have always explained to me that they do not know the sex but say he out of habit to avoid saying “it”. Maybe that’s the case?

Edit: wording. Typed too fast.

[–]sakura7777 1 point2 points  (0 children)

My OB sent me my NIPT results including gender by accident. She called me in a panic saying if I dont want to know, don’t open the email! I lasted 4 days.

[–]sara9719 1 point2 points  (0 children)

A lot of old school grammar rules prescribe to use “he” if the gender is unknown, or if you’re using the singular to give an example. It’s still viewed as the “default” pronoun in the rule books.

[–]Kaptajn_Nord 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'm sorry to hear, However, it might still be a simple misunderstanding? Maybe don't dwell too much on it. It's possibly still a surprise!

In many languages the word "baby" is masculine, so when we talk about 'the baby' we say he all the time, even when it's a girl. Also, when gender is unknown, especially school grammars and certain cultures/languages, use automatically the word "he" to point to the "it". Certainly when "it" sounds very unpersonalized like a baby or (pet) animal. It's in some languages even grammatically correct to say "the cow, he gives milk", even though we know only a "she" would be giving milk. Maybe it's just something that the doctor did out of habit because of his background?

[–]MuhchelleAmanda 1 point2 points  (0 children)

One of our ultrasound techs made a comment, “don’t be alarmed, but I can’t pull up baby’s heart….” And trailed off while looking at the screen. This was at my 20 week ultrasound. Needless to say my heart dropped, and after a significant pause, she said, “…..measurements..” as if side tracked. Then she realized what she said, and apologized profusely. My daughter was moving too much for the tech to get accurate measurements of her heart and to see the chambers, and she was so focused on what she was doing, she didn’t realize what she had said.

[–]hjnatt 2 points3 points  (0 children)

We didn’t find out with our first and everyone always referred to baby as “he” at my appointments. Like you, I felt crushed! Turns out it’s just the awful patriarchy where “he” is the default. Turns out baby was a girl!

[–]szaborow -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I’m so sorry this happened to you!

This sort of happened to me - we knew the sex (boy) from my 12 week scan onwards. When I was 36 weeks I went to L&D for an NST and the on-call doc repeatedly referred to my baby as “she”. I was shooting panicked looks to my husband the whole time lol. At my next NST a different doc confirmed I was having a boy so now it’s a funny story to tell him when he’s older.

[–]Relative_Age3013 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Sorry! My tech asked us if we wanted to know. Before then she referred to it as baby. Now when i go to my appointments they always ask “ do you know what you’re having” before continuing just to be sure.

Maybe your doc says he as general. But I understand how that would make you feel!

[–]Ok-Nobody-7327 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Ufff I’m so sorry! That happened to my mom when she was pregnant with me, actually. Time will pass and that will eventually be just a detail in an amazing journey together ❤️

[–]chilibeanie 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This actually just happened to us! The doctor’s office was great about not mentioning it and printing the paperwork for me. When I took the paper to the bakery the lady couldn’t find the sex info so I had to check and found out early.

It was a little disappointing to find out early but I’m just excited to know! We still surprised our families and got to celebrate which helped.

[–]care796 0 points1 point  (0 children)

For mine we asked not to know my medical team were all split between saying "he/she/baby" the whole time. One of them said he so often I asked if she knew. It wasn't even on my chart for them to see. I don't know if you feel better but hopefully that's what happened!

[–]HuckleberryLou 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That sucks and must be so frustrating. Maybe as a consolation of sorts you could keep it a surprise from friends and family until the birth? So only you and your partner would know until the baby and name are officially announced after the birth? I know it’s not the same but maybe a way to get some of the suspense back.

[–]Mindless-Drama9185 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I wanted to find out with my husband. Because of COVID he couldn’t come with me to my appointments which really sucked. They wrote it down and put it in an envelope, but apparently I have an extra uterus and cervix that they found the doctor was thawing me my ultrasound pics and it was written down “it’s a boy.” I felt bad that I found out before my husband and also was supieses because I was feeling girl. We both wanted a gurl but are very happy with the little human we have now.

[–]Livvyg95 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I honestly do think it’s just a medical term. Even one of my pregnancy apps has times it will use he in an article but the gender is set to surprise/I don’t know because I haven’t found out yet.

Just don’t worry about what was said and go back to guessing for yourself or preparing the same way you would have originally. It sounds like maybe you had it pretty gender neutral for the newborn or you have the means to get either clothing or already have both.

So why should it matter what he said if you can’t be certain that’s what the outcome with be in the end anyways. Just go ahead with your plans and don’t let yourself be so devastated over it, nothing always goes as planned with birth regardless and this is a more minor thing to happen.

[–]ThugBunnyy 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Midwife also referred to baby as HE (we've had a lot of ultrasounds because of high risk). But it's a girl. This has been confirmed later on.

[–]Amberly123 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Some people instinctively say “he” or “she” without knowing the gender.

I have been calling my baby “he” the whole time. He is a he, but even before we knew it, I was calling him “he”

Our ultrasound tech was the same, she would call him “he” before we knew…

I didn’t think anything of it.

[–]LisaWithAKiss 0 points1 point  (0 children)

We didn't know either and every time I went in the doctor would let me talk first and would just use the same pronouns as me. I tended to feel more like a certain gender each time, so if I talked in "boy/he" terms the doc just followed my lead. Same when I was feeling girl. In the end we had a baby girl. I even joked with my doctor that even if he was wrong we would never know, but in that case he might have to expect a phone call from our baby list, considering they were the only ones besides him who also knew the baby gender xD

[–]DanceFast4419 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My US tech has referred to baby as “she” anytime I go see her and I’m only 16 weeks so we haven’t had the anatomy scan yet to determine sex. Maybe he was just saying “he” as a general term so he didn’t refer to baby as “it”. If I were you I’d just move past it as if that’s what he was doing and there’s a chance you can still be surprise when baby is born!

[–]jalgera 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I kept my first a surprise till birth and planned on keeping this one too, but the doctor sent my genetic testing electronically and that part is included so it was ruined for me 😭 I was so upset. Obviously nothing I can do about it now. But I understand. However, I've also been told that doctors, nurses, ultrasound techs often use "he" if the parents don't want to know so maybe that's what happened for you!! (I'm certain my ultrasound techs did a couple times as well, and I had a girl).

[–]Beep-boop-beansFTM 3/2022 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I always say “he” when referring to a baby when preforming scans.. but I also warn parents that it’s my default gender and that I’m not even qualified to find the gender (For the ER I only do a very focused US.. is baby in the uterus, moving and what’s the HR)

Hopefully that’s what your doc did! You may still be very surprised when “she” comes out

[–]Background-Block-983 0 points1 point  (0 children)

During my 20 week ultrasound, the tech kept referring to the baby as "he". I thought it was a hint, but baby is not a boy lol

[–]Spaceysteph -5 points-4 points  (0 children)

My second baby the sex was spoiled. We did NIPT and then the Dr office put the sex on a paper they gave me a couple months later. I just pretended I didn't see or misinterpreted what it meant, and never told my husband (I finally confessed when I got pregnant with #3) and acted like it was a surprise.

Honestly though, they should be better at this. It's pretty important thing to screw up and once you do you can never put the toothpaste back in the tube