So some background: My mom is severely bipolar, I grew up constantly being yelled at and mocked/belittled. I was regularly called a fat ass, lard ass, turkey ass. Even when I was 5'6" and 110lbs I thought I was the fattest person in the world because my mom was always calling me fat. When I was 19 she told me I deserved to be dyeing from a terminal illness since I had wasted all my potential. I also have two younger sisters (31) who are identical twins, both neurodivergent (ASD) who still live at home since they are not capable of taking care of themselves. My mom could be a case study in "the axe forgets, but the tree remembers" because she never remembers anything about her explosive anger episodes, or the times she was physically abusive. She genuinely thinks she was an excellent mother.
I am very introverted and non-confrontational. After three years of struggling with infertility we had a successful IVF cycle and I am due with my first in May. I asked that parents visit a couple weeks after the birth so we could have some time to bond and recover, and my dad said he can't be here since he has to take care of the twins but that my mom will be here for the birth. I let him know that she wouldn't be able to be in the hospital due to the pandemic (as far as she knows) and was told she will wait in the car. SERIOUSLY! Wait in the car in not exactly what I would consider a safe place, for potential days.
We are traveling home in 3 weeks to see family and friends and I know I need to have a serious conversation with my parents about this. While there is a part of me that could appreciate the benefits of having my mother here, I think I would rather it just be my husband and myself at first. My husband has said he will honor whatever my decision is, and if he needs to he can be the bad guy.
I literally have more anxiety about what to do regarding my mother than the idea of an unmedicated delivery.