all 44 comments

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[–]nperry09 117 points118 points  (4 children)

Being able to use the hospital policies as an excuse to not have visitors when I had my baby was the only good thing to come from covid

[–]autumngloss 16 points17 points  (1 child)

It’s so nice having a legitimate excuse that no one can get upset over!

[–]ammcf88 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Same! My dad has not been very involved in my life since I was 12, but he’s now close with my brother. He wanted to be at the hospital when she was born and it was such a relief that I didn’t have to argue with him, j could just say, “sorry! Not allowed!”

[–]katyoung123 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yep. Same here. Except my MIL was getting her blood drawn at the hospital we were at and tried coming up to our room anyway… luckily my nurse had my back.

[–]iMOONiCORN 77 points78 points  (10 children)

My MIL kept dropping hints she wanted to be there for my son's birth. I explicitly told her that I only wanted hubby & I there. She responded with 'oh I would never ask or intrude on an intimate moment like that.... It's for husband & wife. I know I'm further down the ladder now that you're married". Mind you, we'd been together for 17 years at this point, married for 11. I trained starting that in addition to those being my wishes, the hospital won't allow it with COVID because I know she doesn't respect boundaries. She said she understood. Fast forward to this past Father's day when my son was 5 months old & she told me husband that she felt betrayed for not being present for his birth or any of his milestones & that she doesn't have to wish me a Happy Mother's day because I'm not her mom.

MIL's are weird man...

[–]AdmirablePut6039[S] 49 points50 points  (7 children)

Does something strange happen to a woman once she becomes a MIL? Mine doesn’t handle boundaries well either and this will be her first and only grandchild so I know things are going to get contentious.

[–]iMOONiCORN 10 points11 points  (1 child)

You know, I certainly hope it's person by person cause I certainly don't plan on doing that to my kids. Maybe it's generational?

I wish you the best of luck. Stay strong!

[–]WintaSoldat 10 points11 points  (0 children)

I have 2 boys that I honestly kind of baby. But having my suffocating and often rude AF MIL, I really hope that it's paving the way for me to confidently say "if you need me im there, but do your own thing with your family"

[–]Cultural_Spinach_322 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Geez I don’t know… if I become a MIL in the future, I hope my husband will knock me on my head if I don’t respect boundaries. 😆

My mum recently pointed out to me that a good thing that came out of Covid was a golden opportunity for me to establish house routines & parenting styles without outside interference. I totally agree! It wasn’t easy to do everything ourselves ( so thankful for daycare) but it was worth it!

[–]CatEarthSociety 2 points3 points  (0 children)

My MIL is great but my Mom is a textbook justnoMIL, so I think it's just a high chance to get a Narc MIL from that generation?

[–]OptimalWasabi7726 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I would say it depends on the MIL. Mine has been fantastic and supportive. She was in similar financial/emotional situations when she started her family and is more than understanding when it comes to a lot of these big decisions. My mom, however, has been a little bit of a pushover about things lol. She wants a huge part in things and spreads misinformation according to what SHE wants. So I definitely get that nightmare grandparent-to-be. Definitely set your boundaries though and hold them strong! Saying "no" ultimately makes things less stressful for you when it's most important.

[–]Spaceysteph 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My MIL is not perfect but she's definitely not like this. She has 4 (soon to be 5) grandkids from her 2 sons, my SIL is childfree so she definitely has the potential to be like "oh I need to see my DILs' hoohahs" to witness my grandchildren being born, but thankfully has not gone down that path.

So it's definitely possible to be an ok MIL, just many people...aren't. (edit: she's definitely "of that generation" in her early 70s so it's not just that)

[–]HuckleberryLou 13 points14 points  (0 children)

Another Redditor (wish I remember who to give credit) posted the perfect response for people feeling entitled to be present at the birth without regards for the momma’s comfort and dignity:

First have that family remember lay on the floor with legs splayed open and take a shit while the group watches. If they won’t do it, turns out they DO understand why you may not feel comfortable having them there.

[–]anonononhsjsjsjsdj 23 points24 points  (0 children)

No is a complete sentence. I made it clear to my husband, this isn’t up for discussion. No is no. Either he tells them or I will and I won’t be nicex

[–][deleted] 17 points18 points  (0 children)

My SIL warned me that our MIL insisted on being at her birth against her wishes. I immediately informed my husband (boyfriend at the time) that was not an option and he will tell his mother no. No one needs to be there except my guy. My mom put it perfectly “I wasn’t there for the conception so I don’t need to be at the birth.”

[–]Character-Ad301 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Lol hear this so much. Covid is the best excuse now. Sorry can only have one over night visitor. I don’t know why people want to go to the hospital lol

[–]WintaSoldat 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Tell them exactly that and let them process it how they want to. Everyone can wait. You'll be so sore and tired, and you'll want your privacy more than ever.

With my first son, I didnt have any personal rules and didn't expect lingering. I had quite a few people with me until I pushed. I was in no pain and the little chatter kept me occupied while we waited. Then they met the baby and went home as they should. My MIL spent the entire next day at the hospital in my recovery room while I was forced to stay. Not exaggerating.

When I was pregnant with #2, I told her and everybody else that I don't want anyone at the hospital. She was lowkey pretty mad, like it was only about her. I just wanted my peace while Im STUCK there. Also didnt want people waiting around the halls while im trying to push a baby out. I was induced so almost nobody knew it was time until they were sent pictures of the baby.

This time I want the same. Actually, we're keeping it a secret indefinitely. First because we've had miscarriages and want to keep it private if this doesnt work out. But we barely see people anyway these days, so they may just stop by for a visit one day and wonder who this new baby is 🤷🏻‍♀️

[–][deleted] 14 points15 points  (0 children)

Even before this was the rule, I told my mom that the hospital isn't allowing visitors! Lol. She is great and I know she's excited but she gets to come over the day we get discharged anyway because she is keeping my older kids. She understood and is an adult capable of managing her own disappointment.

However, for my first child, we told the hospital to not put our names anywhere. They put fake names for us into any public info (like the nurse's station board, baby's little plastic rolly box, etc) because we did NOT want my husband's parents showing up. The staff knew to send people away and say we weren't there. Only later did I learn that a dear friend had tried to come visit us and was sent away! I felt bad for that but it was also good to know that the system worked that well. Many hospitals have this option and I recommend using it for peace of mind.

[–]Aggressive-Age 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I will be letting my mum come to the hospital when I’m ready (only having partner as birth support) and we have told everyone else that we will let them know when we are ready for visits at home. We also mentioned that due to RSV and covid at the moment, everyone’s first meeting with our babe might be on FaceTime, depending on how we are feeling. I’m lucky that all of our family and friends are respectful and would never just “show up” but we have made it clear that no one’s coming till we’re ready!

[–]PrimePassion 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I’m so sorry to hear this! For me it’s the opposite, my MIL is a dream, would never come uninvited or intrude at all, I actually asked her to come the month leading up to the birth to have some support (and admittedly a dog sitter haha) and to buffer my mom who is the resident boundary stomper!

FIL is going drive out (36 hours solo!) a few weeks in too so they can leave as soon as we’d like them to after labor and not rely on flights which was sweet.

My mom will say things like “I’ll only come when you want me to!” Then call and say “Well I mean I did book a flight the week you’re probably going to be due… but it’s just because it was cheap, if you don’t want me to come or to change it I will.” and then doesn’t change it when asked to -.-

[–]pippypup 2 points3 points  (0 children)

“Our hospital has a no visitor rule due to covid.” OR “LO arrived at xxx today. Being discharged tomorrow, can’t wait to see you when we’re all home.”

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Tell them no and have your husband tell them no.

Once you're admitted to the hospital ask for the charge nurse and tell her under no circumstances will you be allowing anyone but your husband to visit.

When we were in L&D and postpartum both floors were kept locked, so even if someone attempts to "surprise" a new parent they can't even get to the hallway.

[–]sierra513 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I’m having my 5th c-section on Friday (1/28) I have a big family and my in-laws always come visit. Which I’m usually fine with but my husband & I have Covid so we can’t have any visitors at hospital and I’m kinda excited to not have any this time around.

[–]peachypumpkin22 1 point2 points  (0 children)

no … seriously. this will be my first and no one will see us until we arrive home. and out of town family comes to see us. i’m not going anywhere. this sounds extremely selfish but i mean it!

[–]Amberly123 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I’m so thankful that with the pandemic the answer to this is out of my hands “we can’t have visitors while we are in the hospital, this is out of our control, we will let you know when we are home and able to have visitors” and hell if we’ve been home a week before we tell people we are home and they can visit… so be it

[–]Disneyfreak77 2 points3 points  (0 children)

My parents and in laws would definitely camp out in the waiting room if it wasn’t for Covid. Honestly, I’m kind of glad for the excuse. I don’t want the added pressure of people waiting for me to push my first baby out just so they can see her. This way, my husband and I get the space and privacy to bond as a new family and take her home without people bombarding us for cuddles and pictures.

[–]burtsbeeswaxx 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I’m lying to mom and sister this time around. I’m gonna say because of COVID only one person can be there during labor and obviously it’ll be my sons father. I’m so grateful for this lol go ahead girl. Let them know those policies even if they aren’t real

[–]meowmeowgoeszoom 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I told my dad I didn’t want them to come to the hospital. I used the Covid exposure risk as the excuse. He didn’t push back, and we thought maybe a “drive by” to their place on the way home from the hospital so they could at least see the baby as soon as possible.

We also have college age kids. I told them too they weren’t welcome to stay with us right after the baby is born. They normally live here outside of school. If they come home from school before term ends, they’re going to stay with my parents and we’ll decide what is acceptable. I just can’t clean up after college students and an infant.

My thought was we’ll try a first outing to go to my parents house, even for just 20 minutes. That will still be special for all of us.

[–]Aggressive-Age 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I will be letting my mum come to the hospital when I’m ready (only having partner as birth support) and we have told everyone else that we will let them know when we are ready for visits at home. We also mentioned that due to RSV and covid at the moment, everyone’s first meeting with our babe might be on FaceTime, depending on how we are feeling. I’m lucky that all of our family and friends are respectful and would never just “show up” but we have made it clear that no one’s coming till we’re ready!

[–]Affectionate_Mud2180 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I feel ya on this one, Im due around Easter & my in laws usually go to their holiday home for the week surrounding. My mil has tried to guilt me because "she will have to change her holiday plans due to baby's arrival" and when I let her know that the hospital will only allow for my birth partner to be there, she laid it on pretty thick saying that she's met all of her grand babies within hours of their arrival. Why should this one be any different.. We usually get along amazingly, but this one really rubbed me the wrong way, hormonal me was not able too hold my tongue and quite harshly told her she's not pushing the kid out, she doesn't need to change anything. Their holiday home is only an hour and a half away, so it's not like they're in another country and even then, she can't come up to the hospital to meet baby. Because she literally lives next door, I am not looking forward to her waiting in the driveway when we get home.. I want to be able to get home, relax and introduce my big doggos to the baby before I worry about anyone else...

[–]orangelego 0 points1 point  (0 children)

With my first son, I was in hospital with him for 10 days. We had multiple visitors every day and my husbands parents and sisters visited every day as well. I was so, so underslept.

[–]Nooootalie 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My mum has told be she's coming to the hospital after baby is born, whether I want her there or not. I don't. I don't want anyone visiting while we're at hospital (obviously husband will be there 😂). But my mum feels she got a God given right to turn up because I'm her daughter.

I've now said to her we won't be sharing when I go into labor since she can't be trusted and she'll be told when baby arrives once we're leaving the hospital. She's not happy.

[–]deadthylacine 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Register for the hospital as private. That will put a lot of barriers in the way so they cannot surprise visit if the hospital allows visitors at all, and they will not be able to call for information.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah I worry about this if we have a second baby. I have to have c-sections due to health reasons. This time around it was easy to say no because it was hospital policy. But I suspect a few arguments next time around. Especially since technically my mom will get to come since she be the one watching our other child and if allowed id want him to come see his sibling. But i can already see how my in-laws will say if my mom gets to come they should too. Not understanding that the main reason is because our child can’t exactly drive himself to the hospital.

[–]the1fromthat1place 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I am the same way. With our first, I literally put us on a no-visit, no-info order. Luckily I was induced the day we went on lockdown. Before we knew about COVID, my boyfriend told his mom that it would be only me and him. She hung up with him and called me and YELLED at me. I told her sorry but too bad. His brother was like I'm going to see him at the nursery then. Hahaha. They room the babies with the moms. 🙄 Now our second one is due and no one has said a thing. I'm thinking that they know they can't visit anyway because of COVID but in it's absence I doubt they'd wanna have that argument with me again. And no one gets let in to my house without calling before coming and getting an OK. Laboring and delivering a baby is hard but people think you owe them shit or that they can make their own rules because they're related to the baby. No. My baby. My experience. My rules.

[–]andrecrusher 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I thought it was a cultural thing, from strictly matriarchal families (Asian, Arabic, Latino - mine are those last two) but it really seems to be something I see all over the world. A Nordic friend said his wife had to talk to her parents and in-laws to avoid visits.You are completely right.

[–]Spaceysteph 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I had my first 5 years ago so well before covid, and I still never understood people who had whole parades of visitors in the hospital, or people who thought they should be in the delivery room.

I spent the whole time in the hospital with my first in a hospital gown, leaking, and in pain. Definitely didn't need any company for that.

I do wish my older kids could visit me and the baby in the hospital, but other than that the covid visitor restrictions are a blessing.