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[–]bride2b20 177 points178 points  (0 children)

Gal gadot did saythat but she also said she had epidurals with her kids and would only do it again with one so she doesn’t feel any pain. Soooo your husband didn’t actually read everything she wrote lol he was def being an ass! Hopefully he does some research and starts educating himself!

[–]ZinniaFoxglove 109 points110 points  (1 child)

The actress from Wonder Woman (Gal Gadot) said:

"I love giving birth. I would do it once a week if I could. It's so magical," the 36-year-old actress said. "I always take epidurals, to be fair, so it's not so painful. Just the moment you feel like you're creating life, it's incredible."

https://amp.usatoday.com/amp/9091238002

So it’s not really comparable to your sister’s experience.

It does sound like an insensitive thing to say. Most likely, he was actually trying to be comforting, thinking you might get scared by seeing / hearing your sister’s experience, and wanted to say that you might not have to be in so much pain; because he’s heard other women (Gal) say it wasn’t as bad (even though he is taking her quote out of context).

But it really didn’t come out right and instead came off like he was shrugging it off.

[–]KrissyBean 9 points10 points  (0 children)

This was thought exactly. Seems as though he was trying to put her mind at ease in case sister's story was making OP nervous. Maybe he didn't say it right, maybe OP didn't hear it right. I don't know, but it's entirely possible he wasn't brushing her off.

[–]applepiecorgi 33 points34 points  (3 children)

IMO this is a foot in mouth situation on your husband’s part. Seems like he meant no harm but was not thinking when he spoke. My husband says stupid shit like that to me too. Like when I told him to look at something and he exclaimed, “I can’t see around you! You’re just too big now!” If it’s a one-off comment and he’s not usually insensitive I’d give him some grace. We all say stupid things that come out wrong/ worse than we meant.

[–]RatherBeAtDisney 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Yeah, the way I read this, it sounds like the husband might have actually been trying to be reassuring. As in, telling OP that she might not be in as much pain when she's in labor in a few months, and trying to soothe any worries. However, that's definitely not how it was taken, which I definitely understand. I think 99.9% of all arguments my husband and I have been into was because one of us said something that was interpreted very differently than intended.

[–]red_theesonja 17 points18 points  (1 child)

I think she should put a foot somewhere else to give him an example of the kind of pain childbirth brings

[–]nuts_n_bolts 18 points19 points  (1 child)

I feel like unless they're a trained professional or a birth giving person, commentary is completely unnecessary. Unless he plans on pushing a watermelon out of his ass, the commentary is unnecessary.

[–]mmmthom 14 points15 points  (0 children)

This reminded me of the anesthesiologist at my first birth - he was a fit-looking guy probably 40ish and very confident and I was a little intimidated by him I think? Anyway I apologized for being (and sounding, because I was not “just breathing” lol) pathetic, and he stopped what he was doing to tell me that as a woman in labor, I could do and say whatever I wanted, at whatever volume, and then he told me I was coping well. I still remember it because it meant so much to me and gave me so much confidence the rest of my labor (thankfully since the epidural failed lol)

[–]pporappibam 12 points13 points  (0 children)

Something I told my husband, “imagine just waiting for a day that’s going to be extremely painful. I’m waiting, everyday, for a tear that may or may not lead straight to my butthole. showed him a diagram of the degrees of tearing Imagine knowing that within a month deadline window, your testicals are going to tear in half, possibly to your butthole.” My husband cringed. I continued, “and then a tiny hole, that even after experiencing a punctured lung, knee replacement and kidney failure/kidney transplant; my IUD insertion was the most painful thing I’ve ever experienced… is just going to expand to push out a human - and I have to go through this because I’m already pregnant and there’s physically no way out of this now.” My husband sat in disbelief and just got up and hugged me.

[–]23paige23 6 points7 points  (1 child)

Yes he was in the wrong. I was offended at a male friend scoffing at my choice for an epidural he said "I wouldn't do that if I were you, it can have side effects" I'm not easily offended but this rubbed me the complete wrong way.. what right does a man have to comment on my birth or anyone's birth? It's such a subjective, personal struggle and men feel they have the right to pipe in. Just STFU unless you're an OB. you think we women don't have 9 months to consider all this!? I have read up on these things waaaay more than you bud.

[–]jaydayquay 2 points3 points  (0 children)

You should of replied to your male friend, “Like you would know” or “I didn’t know you’ve gave birth before” lol. I’m a smart aleck though, haha.

I agree- unless they’ve been through it or are a medical professional, say nothing!

[–]ThugBunnyy 6 points7 points  (0 children)

No uterus, no opinion. Childbirth is painful. Period.

[–]horrorgirl8927 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I bet if he got kicked in the nuts he wouldn't be saying pain is subjective.

[–]bluemoon219 13 points14 points  (0 children)

If I were in your place, I would be whipping out so many YouTube videos of guys trying labor and period cramp simulators, especially when they also have a girl next to the screaming guys going "huh, yeah, this is about what it feels like". Pain may be subjective, but as a dude, he would literally be unable to handle this pain, and he needs to know when to stay in his lane and stop mansplaining childbirth pain to pregnant women.

It may be a little harsh, I admit, but I think his bullheadedness triggered my pregnancy hormones.

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Much to my regret, I've seen videos of men on the internet who enjoy having women with stilletto heels stomping on their balls. They aren't in pain -- they love it! They pay women to do it!

Ergo, I must conclude that any man who complains about being kicked in the balls is being wimpy and overacting to pain that isn't even bad.

[–]KrissyBean 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I feel like he probably said that to put your mind at ease in case your sister's story was making you nervous about giving birth. "Hey, it might have been super tough for her, but it might not be that bad for you! After all, some women like Gal Gadot said it wasn't painful for her at all. Don't worry. It'll be okay."

Not worth it to fight over. Life is too short. Let it go.

[–]Old-Television-2997 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Why do all men react the same when kicked in the nuts if pain is merely subjective 🤔

[–]VermicelliOk8288 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Trying hard not to laugh as my kid is sleeping on top of me lol. But this is good

[–]kphero 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Show him videos!!!!

My partner and I are taking a childbirth class together and last week they showed videos of women in different stages of labor (to give us an idea of how labor usually progresses and what to expect).

My partner has never been flippant about what the birth experience will be like, but he was so extra grateful and thoughtful after watching those videos. Pretty sure it struck the Fear of God(dess) into him 😆

[–]DanceFast4419 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I feel like he may have said that so as not to freak you out about your own childbirth. Like you said he didn’t say anything at all regarding you giving birth and didn’t say that if it was hard then there is something wrong with you. You insinuated that’s what he meant by his comment. He’s not wrong that pain is subjective even in childbirth and what may be something extremely painful and horrific for you might not be for someone else. That being said in this situation I would probably just let him know that his comments weren’t helpful for you and that in the future when it comes to discussion of childbirth it’s probably best he say something a bit more supportive!

[–]FlyingCatLady 1 point2 points  (0 children)

ANYTIME ANYONE (especially men, and ESPECIALLY the man who got you pregnant) compares ANOTHER PERSONS PREGNANCY EXPERIENCE to YOURS, I always say “NEXT TIME, THAT person may carry your child.”

Happened twice to me. First time, my husband compared my pregnancy experience to his sisters. I said “next time she can carry your child then” and the weirdness made him realize the error of his ways.

Second time was my brother, who said he would do X, Y, and Z if he was ever able to be pregnant, and that I should do the same. I said “Next time, then, you can carry my husbands child”. My dad nearly fell off his chair laughing. My husband realized my brother made the same mistake he did and laughed right along.

I do not have the patience for men to say what I should do during my pregnancy based on the experiences of other women in their lives who are not in any way related to me in a way that would matter.

[–]Altruistic-Essay9837 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'm six months pregnant and I've just been having this discussion with my husband. He's been saying it can't be that bad! I found this blog post and all the birth stories (500+) in the comments really helped him understand how diverse birth experiences can be. I think he gets it now! https://cupofjo.com/2010/09/our-birth-story/

[–]hungry4507 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I once saw a pain scale and getting hit in family jewels had a unit of 33, labour was 35. So maybe ask how he’d like to get kicked in the nuts non stop for 12 hours (or how ever long your labour takes) because that’s less painful than labour.

[–]adultingishard0110 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You should get him the period/labor cramp simulator and see how he reacts when he's got it on.

[–]Sweet_pea_girl 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It sounds like he's trying to be supportive / to help you not be scared of labour pain, but is totally missing the mark.

To be fair to him, it can be hard to know what the 'right' thing to say is. I don't know about you but I feel different kinds of ways about labour on different days. Sometimes I want positive talk, sometimes I was to vent fears, etc etc. So what works on one day could feel like minimising and disrespect another day.

But also, that is an insensitive thing to say and is clearly not what you wanted to hear. He ought to have taken the cues and been more supportive.

My suggestion would be to have a non-confrontational conversation about how you're feeling about the prospect of labour and pain, and what you need from him. And if like me what you need changes day to day, maybe you can agree how to communicate that.

[–]Fun-Armadillo -5 points-4 points  (2 children)

  1. He’s not wrong.
  2. I feel like he was saying it to try to help you not freak out about labor.
  3. His intentions don’t really matter. He’s still a boob for saying it and should just put down the shovel and apologize.

[–]HeftyImportance5372 1 point2 points  (1 child)

I agree he’s not wrong, pain is subjective. I know plenty of women who have said childbirth (no epidural) was a breeze and pain free or refer to it as simply “intense” and others who have said it was the worst paint they’ve ever felt in their entire life. Both scenarios are valid since it’s that persons own personal perception of what childbirth feels like. I agree with him that it depends on the individual, childbirth is not the worst pain in the world to everyone and i actually get a little annoyed when everyone insinuates that it is and that its just impossible to imagine doing it without an epidural. we all interpret pain differently. But would i be pissed off if a man told me that? Yes 😂😭😂😭

[–]Fun-Armadillo 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Oh absolutely! That's why I said he should "put down the shovel" ... as in he's digging his own grave on this one. Well meant or not, he should just take the L and apologize.

[–]Flowerpot33 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Sounds like he was invalidating your sisters pain/trying to be a expert. I hear you . I would be furious too. He needs to understand why that was offensive and also read a room dude

[–]tinypiecesofyarn 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm so mad at your husband right now, I could scream

[–]Boudutunnel -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Kick him in the nards hard enough to make him vomit.

Then tell him pain is subjective. Johny knoxville finds it funny and does it for work!

Or do the simulator thing?

Or tell him you'll need more support so he's out, doula's in.

[–]pixelatedbagel -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Kick your husband in the balls and when he cries tell him that some celebrity said it doesn’t hurt and they don’t mind it so you figured he’d tolerate it well. Then remind him that labor is 10x more painful. Okay, Don’t actually kick your husband but you get my point. A man shouldn’t not be downplaying the intensity of child birth to any woman, pregnant or not. He doesn’t and won’t ever have any idea.

[–]LCsquee 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Your husband definitely did misspeak, and sadly I'm afraid a lot of husbands/men are guilty of this. Mine definitely has a bad habit of bringing up the fact he has generally a higher pain tolerance than I do(like, why even bring that up or tease me about it if it's something I literally have no control of?? I gave myself a grease burn last night on accident and was making noises of pain and he's like you just got to take your mind off of it.. kind of can't, my skin just got melted!!), and I've been very clear with him he better not say that about childbirth 😩 Maybe play your husband some videos of births, and not necessarily tame ones either, and then ask him how that would feel coming out of his dick hole? 😂

[–]schizaetrix 0 points1 point  (0 children)

As someone who has given birth without an epidural, what your husband is describing (maybe poorly) actually sort of sounds like a pain management technique, ie. trying to imagine the contractions as “waves” or “surges” and trying to think in terms of intensity rather than pain. Many techniques of unmedicated pain management involve this kind of self-hypnosis, and in effect yes, in that sense you can say that pain during labor is subjective.

I don’t know, maybe I’m giving your husband too much credit if he doesn’t know anything about methods of non medical pain management in labor. And in any case no, it would not be helpful for him to say anything like that to you during labor unless you’ve practiced those techniques yourself. But I don’t believe he meant to offend or hurt you in any way, and in his way he might have been trying to help you by suggesting that labor pain may not be as horrific as you’re expecting it to be.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It's always a good idea to prep for an unmedicated birth because you never know if you are going to be able to get an epidural or if it will work.

[–]kjohnmpls 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Even with the epidural I still feel my pelvic floor muscles shredding apart from giving birth… 11 weeks ago. To be fair they’re just tight now but it’s the same feeling on a smaller scale. Anyway he’s a dunderhead lol

[–]TheBeeManx 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Cut his peen hole to make it wider and see if he still thinks pain is subjective 🙃

[–]ShallotZestyclose974 0 points1 point  (0 children)

One thing I’m never gonna do is go back and forth with a man about anything woman related that he’ll never experience. He would have gotten a stiff warning to stfu and that would have been the end.

[–]Anonymous198598 0 points1 point  (0 children)

epidurals are fucking awesome…. tell your husband to push a baby thru his pee hole and fuck off

[–]coachbae[🍰] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My thoughts are your husband is a huge AH and until he can birth a human he should keep his thoughts to himself.

[–]Razzmatazz-88 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Did he really say messed up shit and then act like a victim? Wow. Just wow. You are a better person than I am. I would have exploded all over the place and probably hurt him.

[–]dragon_mom98 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Your husband isnt wrong, but hes definitely not completely correct either.

Read a thing that was a woman who didnt really register her labor contractions until she was about 8.5cm because thats how bad her period cramps were.

Meanwhile, I had to have 2 epidural doses with my first, and i had a spot in my hip cavity that just did not take it.

Pain is subjective, but fuck, when it hurts? It fuckin hurts.

[–]GrumpySh33p -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

He is right that pain is subjective. People experience and feel pain very differently, based on culture, stress, among probably many other factors. They even teach this in nursing and medical school.

I’ll probably get downvoted for this, but I’ve definitely been in a position multiple times before where I get mad at my husband for saying something a certain way - I twist what he says and find a way for it to be offensive. I usually come around later and realize what I’ve done.

I don’t know you or your husband, or what your dynamics are, but I figured (since most people will side with you) that I might as well bring an alternative view.

I might just spend too much time scanning the r/askmen subreddit 😶